Nanoha FanFiction Discussion

[TheShinySword]

It is with great pleasure that I present to you the long delayed, but always being muttered in my ear by a certain wolf, Chapter Four.

Magical Babysitter Lyrical Zafira
Chapter 4
In Which Zafira is Manipulated into Taking a Field Trip
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4083877/...Lyrical_Zafira

Please enjoy.

Page claim for wolves who just won't give up.

[Evil Rick]

Originally Posted by DezoPenguin

Okay...

Bansheea --> Banshee or Banshees (I actually believe the proper plural of Banshee is Banshee but unless we're talking Irish folklore it's more important to be consistent.)

womans --> women

powerfull --> powerful

undeads --> undead

riped --> ripped

this spirits --> these spirits

riped --> ripped

Put a semicolon instead of a comma after "ripped faces" and a period after "lethal screams," starting a new sentence with "These spirits sing an infernal song."

Oh, and while "near" is not technically incorrect, "nearby" would be better.

Okay, I fixed the Banshee's scroll, edited chapter 2 alredy with it, thankyou very much Dezo

[yuiseppe]

Originally Posted by TheShinySword

It is with great pleasure that I present to you the long delayed, but always being muttered in my ear by a certain wolf, Chapter Four.

Magical Babysitter Lyrical Zafira
Chapter 4
In Which Zafira is Manipulated into Taking a Field Trip
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4083877/...Lyrical_Zafira

Please enjoy.

Page claim for wolves who just won't give up.

*giggles incessantly* As usual, an absolute joy to read. Had me laughing out loud throughout...gotta love the narration And wouldn't nanoha-mama be proud...

[TerranReaper]

Spoiler for KOTR 21:

KOTR 21
“I have to launch that missile! Gimme a hand will you?!” a soldier said to his partner. His partner nodded and handed the latter a HE missile. The giant mecha turned around a corner and headed towards his position. The soldier fired his missile and quickly moved from his position. The missile exploded near the Vita’s cockpit and cracked half the cockpit away. At the same time, Nanoha and Fate approached the cockpit. “Vita, can you hear me?!” Fate called out. Vita looked at them and shooed them. “Stay away from me; I can’t control my own movements! Destroy this mecha now! I’ll make a sacrifice for the safety of the city!” she yelled out. The two mages dodged a blow from the mecha. “No, I’m not willing to sacrifice any of you! We will get you out safely!” Nanoha called out. “Run you fool, it’s too late!” Vita yelled out before screaming in pain as electric surged through her body. The mecha halted its advancement and faced the two mages.

One of the bodies raised its sword and did a wide slash towards them. They dodged and counter-attacked. “This is the last time I have to suffer mental tortures from Scaglietti and his mad inventions! Divine Buster!” Nanoha yelled. “This is for torturing Nanoha! Plasma Lancer!” Fate yelled. The two attacks hit the central body and destroyed the sword arm, disabling its combat ability. It still could attack with its left arm though. It tried to grab one of them but the two mages were too agile. “Look, the two mages have the mecha occupied! Let’s take this chance to disable it!” a mage said. However, the left body warded them away. It stabbed its sword into the ground and unleashed a wave of destructive energy, killing everyone within a kilometer radius. “Damn it, this is not good!” someone yelled out.

The two soldiers, one Mexican and the other a German, made their way stealthily towards the wound of the mecha. They climbed into the damaged body unnoticed. “Look at all these thingamajigs. It’s like a sci-fi movie coming to life,” the Mexican soldier quipped. He heard crackling and turned around. The Mexican soldier saw the German soldier pulling some wires. “What are you doing, amigo?” he asked. “I’m gonna settle the debt with this machine. It owed me too many of my friends’ lives. If it can’t pay with blood, it’ll pay with its mechanical soul if it has any!” the German soldier yelled angrily. He ripped out a microchip and smashed it in his gauntleted hand. The Mexican shrugged and followed.

In the cockpit, Vita heard the A.I panicking. “How can this be? How can a saboteur be in my machine?!” it said. A video screen opened up before Vita and she saw two soldiers ripping the internal equipments. “Ah ha, there they are! I’m sending drones after them,” the A.I said. For a fraction of a second, Vita felt the A.I lose control over her. Maybe there is a way to get out. If the A.I ever gets distracted, she will use that precious moment to drive a sword into the machine’s abdomen. She watched the soldiers wreck the internal components of the machine. Secretly, she admired them for their foolish bravery. It must take a lot of bravado and daring to do such a thing.

Nanoha noticed the machine getting more sluggish, its movements slowing down. “Fate, what is going on?” Nanoha asked. Fate shrugged. “I dunno but this is an opportunity to beat the hell out of this machine,” Fate said. Suddenly, a sword hit the two of them, sending the two mages hurtling towards the road. They hit the road with a loud crunch and they skidded a few meters before hitting into a car with a loud bang. “Oh, that’s gotta hurt,” a soldier said while making a pain expression. Nanoha tried getting up but she found that the lower half of her body was paralyzed. She must have snapped a part of her backbone. Fate stood up groggily and limped towards Nanoha. “Nanoha, I’m coming to get you,” she said weakly. She was clutching her arm while limping slowly. The machine inched towards their position and poised to stomp on the two. They hugged each other, preparing for the worse.

Before it did so, two missiles streaked overhead and slammed into the lead body, knocking it over. The two heard the roar of a jet and looked around. In the sky was only one jet, a jet emblazoned with a head of a dragon clutching the Earth. Through their earpieces, they heard the voice of a man speaking through a breather mask. “It seems like I arrive just in time, ladies. Just get out of here and let me do the job,” the pilot said. Fate did not need to be told twice. She quickly lifted Nanoha up and got out from harm’s way. The pilot in his SU-37 Terminator engaged the machine alone. Above in the skies, Hayate made up her mind.

“General Bernard, launch those nukes. That machine is getting too close,” she said. General Bernard looked away and was silent for a while. “Sigh, very well. Prepare for Broken Arrow, launch one nuke in every 1 minute interval,” he said. The nuclear sirens blared so suddenly that it caught everyone off guard. “What, they’re launching nukes?! Why weren’t we told?!” an officer exclaimed. Everyone scrambled for cover quickly. The mages took to the skies while those who can’t fly searched for underground basements. “Hayate, are you sure this is the right thing? There are many civilians who still have not evacuate the city, not to mention that a majority of our troops are still down there,” Bernard said in a concerned tone. “We all have to make some sacrifices, Bernard. It is better we sacrifice them to destroy a major threat,” she said emotionlessly. Bernard raised his eyebrow and narrowed his eyes.

“That does not make sense. Who are you exactly?” he asked in a threatening tone. Hayate, or a disguise of Hayate to be precise, smiled evilly. “Very smart, General Bernard. You have actually seen through this one,” the imposter said. It turned out to be Due, revived by Jail Scaglietti months ago. She had several clones, each possessing the same I.S as the original Due. They were the culprits behind the problems faced by the Terran and Mid-Childan military. “You, who are you and what have you done to Hayate?!” Bernard hissed. Due laughed and grabbed a bounded up Hayate by the collar. “She’s right here with me but I’m afraid the ship’s crew isn’t. Thank you for launching the missiles for me, General,” she said. “Grr, stop the launching of the nukes now!” he yelled to his men. However, his men surrounded him and held up pistols.

“Ah ha ha ha, who said that loyalty can’t be bought?” she said with an evil laugh worthy of Jail. “You people…” Bernard growled. The screen distorted and shut off. “You see that, Rear Admiral Hayate? Your forces are losing and there is no way you can stop us now,” she said. Hayate wanted to say something but her mouth was tied up. Due threw her aside and contacted Jail. “Dr. Jail, mission accomplished,” she said. Jail nodded and smiled. “Good work, Due. You are as good as your original self. Now with the nukes launched, we can wipe out the coalition forces in one blow and cripple their military power. Victory is near,” Jail said. Due laid back on the commander’s chair, relaxing and sipping on some wine.

Fate brought Nanoha into a building occupied by Terran medics. They treated Nanoha but they can’t fix broken spines. “We still have not advanced to the stage where we can treat broken spines, ma’am. I’m sorry but I’m afraid she will be crippled for life,” a medic said solemnly to Fate. Fate didn’t take that well. She grabbed his collar and shook him. “There must be a way to reduce the effects! There must be!” she said while on the verge of tears. The medic shook his head. “I’m not sure if we can do this! If you really want her healed, you’re better off finding your own hospital. I’m sure Mid-Childan doctors are better than us,” the medic said hastily. Fate slowly let go of the medic and sat at a corner. “Where can we find a Mid-Childan doctor at this kind of time?” she asked herself. The medics looked at each other and mumbled something to each other as if discussing about something. After a while, another medic came up to her. “Ma’am, there are a group of Mid-Childan doctors not far from our building. If you want, we can go get them,” he suggested. “Do it, do it for the sake of Nanoha,” Fate said. The medic nodded and sighed. “I want two volunteers to follow me. Let’s go get us a doctor,” he said.

Due’s relax time was cut short when the door to the command bridge of the ship blew open. Three teenagers came in. “There you are, Due. We’ve been looking all over for you,” Erio said. Due looked at them and raised an eyebrow. “Took you kids long enough to find me. Why, did my slyness get you into trouble?” she asked mockingly. “You know very well what you did. This time, it’s going to end with your death,” Lutecia growled. “As if I’m afraid with a bunch of kids. If you take one step closer,” she said and held up Hayate. “I’m gonna rip her heart out,” Due continued. “You wouldn’t dare,” Erio hissed. “Try me, Erio Mondial,” Due mocked. She lifted her claw arm and scratched Hayate’s cheek. She cried out in pain but her voice was muffled by the cloth covering her mouth. “This is just a demonstration. You wouldn’t like it if I did what I said,” Due threatened.

Just then, they saw missiles erupt from the clouds. It flew up high before turning downwards and plunging towards Cranagan. “It seems like Armageddon is here. Say good by to your city and your friends,” Due said with an evil laugh. The three watched in horror as the missiles fell. All along, the Saint of Swords was just a diversion to concentrate the coalition army in one place…and wipe them out in one blow.

Spoiler for KOTR theme: Combined Assault:

Armageddon arrives for the first time on Mid-Childa.

[Kaix]

Originally Posted by TheShinySword

It is with great pleasure that I present to you the long delayed, but always being muttered in my ear by a certain wolf, Chapter Four.

Magical Babysitter Lyrical Zafira
Chapter 4
In Which Zafira is Manipulated into Taking a Field Trip
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4083877/...Lyrical_Zafira

Please enjoy.

Page claim for wolves who just won't give up.

What is this my eyes notice? Could it be... !?

This was a great fun to read. Had me laughing for a good while. Vice had some of the greatest lines there. Poor Zaffy...

Originally Posted by Evil Rick

Spoiler for Opening theme- Eternal Darkness:

Spoiler for Chapter 2- Lost:

I quickly grabbed Karil's arm and pulled her right out of our stand, the undeads shot against us, we were able to avoid the gunfire and got inside the bar.

I grabbed a table and with the help of Karil, we placed it at the bar's door as a barricade, only after this is when we spoted Gerald, the owner of the bar, he had a Shotgun in hand (gun that he kept under his desk for any trouble), he looked very scaried too.

"What... what's going on out there?.." He asked

"Listen, there is no time to talk, this barricade will not hold the undeads for much time, we need some place to hide"

"Un... un... undeads?!" He replied in panic, maybe I shouldn't use that word

"Gerald, were do you have the wine vault? We need to hide!" I insisted

"I... I... It's... it's at the back... beneath the rooms..."

We heard the undeads just out of the bar's entrance, I toke the hand of Karil again and moved forward to Gerald but before we could reach him, a slim and rooted hand came out of Geral's belly, the man wasn't able even to scream, he fell dead and the undead who killed him from behind looked at us laughing, enjoing what it just did.

The monster rised his gun against us, but before he could shot, I throwed my knife at his forehead killing him instantly.

I ran at the corpse of Gerald and toke the Shotgun, I searched his pockets for AMMO, just a couple of cartridges, I just leaved him there, there was nothing I could do.

I turned and saw Karil, she was cring.

"No... not again... please not again" She was whispering, almost in shock

I ran at her, with one arm I hugged her and kissed her forehead, her body was shaking, she had cold sweat rolling down her face.

"Listen to me, everything is gonna be okay... we need some place to hide, Black Wolfness... she... she will be here anytime, she will come with regulators to stop this, okay?"

Karil nooded in silence, still holding the reliquary, I toke her hand and we both moved to the Wine Store, I ran at it, but it was locked, probably Gerald was killed before he could tell us of the key.

"Now what?" Karil asked

"I'm gonna return search for the key in..." The sound of the barricade being throwed down interrupted me, retun and search for the key would be a suicide, I looked around and spoted a window at the end of the hall, I toke Karil's hand and ran at it, I broke the glass and with my hands I helped Karil to jump out trough the window, I turned and saw the shadows of the hellish beasts approaching to the hall, my dress was being troublesome for run, I ripped the lower part and jumped trough the window, Outside it was still covered with mist.

"Vivio... where?"

Before I could answer, I felt myself strange again, my head began to spin, I closed my eyes, but when I opened them, I didn't saw the town, what I spoted was a large field covered with corpses, limbs, blood and organs, it was horrible, a living nightmare and along with it, the laugh, the same laugh that I heard before.

"Vivio!" Karil screamed

I blinked and the infernal image disappeared, once again I was in the town trapped in the middle of the mist, tring to forget the image, I loaded the Shotgun.

"To the office of the Sherif" I replied, it was the safest place I knew and it wasn't far from the bar, Karil grabbed my arm and hided behind me, I began to walk, fast, passing the bar an undead tried to ambush us, I shot and blew his head before reloading again, another one jumped in front of us, I didn't shot this time, 2 hits with the shotgun were enough to break the neck of the creature.

We still could hear the screams of the people, people that were our friends trough 10 years, it was happening again, the people we loved... there was nothing I could do, my priority was to put Karil in a safe place.

Trough the mist I spoted the office of the sherif, I also were able to saw the Sherif and his assistant fighting the undeads, the sherif with a Shotgun, his assistant with a pair of revolvers.

"Vivio! Karil!" the sherif spoted us "Come here! Quick!"

We both ran at him, I killed one more undead with my weapon before reaching the entrance.

"You both, get inside, now!" The sherif comanded

"Karil, go inside, I help"

"No, you must get..." Before the sherif could end, and undead, wielding a broke bottle of wine appeared, the Sherif's assistant tried to shot, but the monster impaled the broken bottle in the young man's face who was just able to release a scream before falling dead.

"Max! Damn you monster!" The sherif blew the head of the undead with a shot, Karil then ran at the corpse of Max and grabbed the revolvers to join battle with us.

We remained a couple of minutes shoting at the undeas who were aproaching the place, no matter how many we killed, they just kept coming.

"The Hell! Get inside!" The sherif comanded, I realised that I had only one shot left, I used it to kill one more undead and then I ran inside the office along with Karil who had run out of AMMO too, The sherif got inside also, he closed the door and trough a broken window he kept firing.

"Sherif, were is the AMMO?!" I asked

"Behind you, at the AMMO locker"

I turned and saw the AMMO locker, I ran at it and grabbed more cartridges to reload my weapon, Karil grabbed some too... just before, it happened.

Suddenly, the lights on the room turned red and that evil laugh was heard again, but this time, everyone could hear it before the lighst turned yellow again.

"What the hell was that?!" The Sherif asked, before I could said a word, I heared the scream of Karil, I turned and saw her, half of her body was beneath the floor, the upper part was tring to hold from anything.

"Karil!" I screamed and ran at her

"Something ahs my legs!" She screamed in pain

"Karil, hold my arm!" I said, she obeyed and grabed my arm with all her strenght, I tried to pull her out but I couldn't, I couldn't, the other one was pulling too strong.

"Vivio!!! Vivio!!!" Karil was being pulled beneath the floor even more and more

"What the He..." The sherif was gonna help me, but a bullet that came from outside killed him instantly, his body fell at my side.

"Oh God... Karil... don't release my hand, don't... !" At this point, the only thing who was still out of the hole were the arms of Karil, she couldn't resist... God... she released my hands, her body dissapeared in the middle of the black hole who was left behind.

"KARIL!!!" I screamed with tears rolling down my cheeks, extending my arm trough the hole, tring to reach something of her... I had lost her... she had gonne.

The lights of the office turned red again, the evil laugh was heard once more, infernal symbols marked with fire appeared on the walls just to bansih almost immediatly, the wall at the end of the office got burned, out of no where, the fire consumed it, then I spoted her, floating inside the room, with her ripped clothes and the big hole laing in what once was her face... a Banshee.

Spoiler for Ending Theme- Once Upon a December:

Spoiler for The Banshee:

-cut-

Ready... any typo? I think I made it this time... I hope

Ha! So something did happen to Karil! Vivio's in trouble... again... and I sooo think this is just starting. I wonder who the great evil is this time. Or what happened to make all these monsters suddenly appear (again).

Also,

Spoiler for chapter 2 typos:

only after this is when we spoted Gerald,

spoted -> spotted

he had a Shotgun in hand

Shotgun -> shotgun (no need for capital letter)

he looked very scaried too.

scaried -> scared

"Gerald, were do you have the wine vault? We need to hide!" I insisted

were -> where

I toke the hand of Karil again

toke -> took
the hand of Karil -> Karil's hand (while technically not incorrect, I think it would sound better)

a slim and rooted hand came out of Geral's belly,

rooted -> rotten
Geral's -> Gerald's

enjoing what it just did.

enjoing -> enjoying

The monster rised his gun against us,

rised -> raised

but before he could shot,

shot -> shoot

I throwed my knife at his forehead killing him instantly.

throwed -> threw

and toke the Shotgun,

toke -> took
Shotgun -> shotgun

I just leaved him there, there was nothing I could do.

leaved -> left

she was cring.

cring -> crying

Karil nooded in silence, still holding the reliquary,

nooded -> nodded

I toke her hand and we both moved to the Wine Store,

toke -> took

The sound of the barricade being throwed down interrupted me,

throwed -> teared (technically, 'thrown' is the right spelling, but I think the right verb would be 'to tear (down)')

retun and search for the key would be a suicide,

retun -> to return
no need for a

I looked around and spoted a window

spoted -> spotted

I toke Karil's hand and ran at it,

toke -> took

my dress was being troublesome for run,

run -> running

I didn't saw the town,

saw -> see

what I spoted was a large field covered with corpses,

spoted -> spotted

tring to forget the image, I loaded the Shotgun.

tring -> trying

"To the office of the Sherif"

Sherif -> sheriff

Karil grabbed my arm and hided behind me,

hided -> hid

I didn't shot this time,

shot -> shoot

Trough the mist I spoted the office of the sherif,

trough -> through
spoted -> spotted
sherif -> sheriff

I also were able to saw the Sherif and his assistant

were -> was
Sherif -> sheriff

"Vivio! Karil!" the sherif spoted us "Come here! Quick!"

sherif -> sheriff
spoted -> spotted

"You both, get inside, now!" The sherif comanded

sherif -> sheriff
comanded -> commanded

Before the sherif could end,

sherif -> sheriff

and undead,

and -> an

wielding a broke bottle of wine appeared,

broke -> broken

the Sherif's assistant tried to shot,

Sherif's -> sheriff's
shot -> shoot

The sherif blew the head of the undead with a shot,

sherif -> sheriff

We remained a couple of minutes shoting at the undeas

shoting -> shooting
undeas -> undead

who were aproaching the place,

aproaching -> approaching

The sherif comanded,

sherif -> sheriff
comanded -> commanded

and trough a broken window he kept firing.

trough -> through

"Sherif, were is the AMMO?!" I asked

Sherif -> sheriff

Suddenly, the lights on the room

on -> in

before the lighst turned yellow again.

lighst -> lights

The Sherif asked,

Sherif -> sheriff

before I could said a word,

said -> say

I heared the scream of Karil,

heared -> heard

the upper part was tring to hold from anything.

tring -> trying

"Something ahs my legs!"

ahs -> is at (?? not sure of the intention here)

she obeyed and grabed my arm with all her strenght,

grabed -> grabbed
strenght -> strength

The sherif was gonna help me,

sherif -> sheriff

her body dissapeared in the middle of the black hole who was left behind.

dissapeared -> disappeared

tring to reach something of her...

tring -> trying

I had lost her... she had gonne.

gonne -> gone

just to bansih almost immediatly,

bansih -> vanish

out of no where,

no where -> nowhere

then I spoted her,

spoted -> spotted

the big hole laing in what once was her face... a Banshee.

laing -> laying

Also, I think the right plural of undead is still undead (the undead), not undeads. But I didn't quote every case where it appears.

[TerranReaper]

Originally Posted by Evil Rick

Spoiler for Opening theme- Eternal Darkness:

Spoiler for Chapter 2- Lost:

I quickly grabbed Karil's arm and pulled her right out of our stand, the undeads shot against us, we were able to avoid the gunfire and got inside the bar.

I grabbed a table and with the help of Karil, we placed it at the bar's door as a barricade, only after this is when we spoted Gerald, the owner of the bar, he had a Shotgun in hand (gun that he kept under his desk for any trouble), he looked very scaried too.

"What... what's going on out there?.." He asked

"Listen, there is no time to talk, this barricade will not hold the undeads for much time, we need some place to hide"

"Un... un... undeads?!" He replied in panic, maybe I shouldn't use that word

"Gerald, were do you have the wine vault? We need to hide!" I insisted

"I... I... It's... it's at the back... beneath the rooms..."

We heard the undeads just out of the bar's entrance, I toke the hand of Karil again and moved forward to Gerald but before we could reach him, a slim and rooted hand came out of Geral's belly, the man wasn't able even to scream, he fell dead and the undead who killed him from behind looked at us laughing, enjoing what it just did.

The monster rised his gun against us, but before he could shot, I throwed my knife at his forehead killing him instantly.

I ran at the corpse of Gerald and toke the Shotgun, I searched his pockets for AMMO, just a couple of cartridges, I just leaved him there, there was nothing I could do.

I turned and saw Karil, she was cring.

"No... not again... please not again" She was whispering, almost in shock

I ran at her, with one arm I hugged her and kissed her forehead, her body was shaking, she had cold sweat rolling down her face.

"Listen to me, everything is gonna be okay... we need some place to hide, Black Wolfness... she... she will be here anytime, she will come with regulators to stop this, okay?"

Karil nooded in silence, still holding the reliquary, I toke her hand and we both moved to the Wine Store, I ran at it, but it was locked, probably Gerald was killed before he could tell us of the key.

"Now what?" Karil asked

"I'm gonna return search for the key in..." The sound of the barricade being throwed down interrupted me, retun and search for the key would be a suicide, I looked around and spoted a window at the end of the hall, I toke Karil's hand and ran at it, I broke the glass and with my hands I helped Karil to jump out trough the window, I turned and saw the shadows of the hellish beasts approaching to the hall, my dress was being troublesome for run, I ripped the lower part and jumped trough the window, Outside it was still covered with mist.

"Vivio... where?"

Before I could answer, I felt myself strange again, my head began to spin, I closed my eyes, but when I opened them, I didn't saw the town, what I spoted was a large field covered with corpses, limbs, blood and organs, it was horrible, a living nightmare and along with it, the laugh, the same laugh that I heard before.

"Vivio!" Karil screamed

I blinked and the infernal image disappeared, once again I was in the town trapped in the middle of the mist, tring to forget the image, I loaded the Shotgun.

"To the office of the Sherif" I replied, it was the safest place I knew and it wasn't far from the bar, Karil grabbed my arm and hided behind me, I began to walk, fast, passing the bar an undead tried to ambush us, I shot and blew his head before reloading again, another one jumped in front of us, I didn't shot this time, 2 hits with the shotgun were enough to break the neck of the creature.

We still could hear the screams of the people, people that were our friends trough 10 years, it was happening again, the people we loved... there was nothing I could do, my priority was to put Karil in a safe place.

Trough the mist I spoted the office of the sherif, I also were able to saw the Sherif and his assistant fighting the undeads, the sherif with a Shotgun, his assistant with a pair of revolvers.

"Vivio! Karil!" the sherif spoted us "Come here! Quick!"

We both ran at him, I killed one more undead with my weapon before reaching the entrance.

"You both, get inside, now!" The sherif comanded

"Karil, go inside, I help"

"No, you must get..." Before the sherif could end, and undead, wielding a broke bottle of wine appeared, the Sherif's assistant tried to shot, but the monster impaled the broken bottle in the young man's face who was just able to release a scream before falling dead.

"Max! Damn you monster!" The sherif blew the head of the undead with a shot, Karil then ran at the corpse of Max and grabbed the revolvers to join battle with us.

We remained a couple of minutes shoting at the undeas who were aproaching the place, no matter how many we killed, they just kept coming.

"The Hell! Get inside!" The sherif comanded, I realised that I had only one shot left, I used it to kill one more undead and then I ran inside the office along with Karil who had run out of AMMO too, The sherif got inside also, he closed the door and trough a broken window he kept firing.

"Sherif, were is the AMMO?!" I asked

"Behind you, at the AMMO locker"

I turned and saw the AMMO locker, I ran at it and grabbed more cartridges to reload my weapon, Karil grabbed some too... just before, it happened.

Suddenly, the lights on the room turned red and that evil laugh was heard again, but this time, everyone could hear it before the lighst turned yellow again.

"What the hell was that?!" The Sherif asked, before I could said a word, I heared the scream of Karil, I turned and saw her, half of her body was beneath the floor, the upper part was tring to hold from anything.

"Karil!" I screamed and ran at her

"Something ahs my legs!" She screamed in pain

"Karil, hold my arm!" I said, she obeyed and grabed my arm with all her strenght, I tried to pull her out but I couldn't, I couldn't, the other one was pulling too strong.

"Vivio!!! Vivio!!!" Karil was being pulled beneath the floor even more and more

"What the He..." The sherif was gonna help me, but a bullet that came from outside killed him instantly, his body fell at my side.

"Oh God... Karil... don't release my hand, don't... !" At this point, the only thing who was still out of the hole were the arms of Karil, she couldn't resist... God... she released my hands, her body dissapeared in the middle of the black hole who was left behind.

"KARIL!!!" I screamed with tears rolling down my cheeks, extending my arm trough the hole, tring to reach something of her... I had lost her... she had gonne.

The lights of the office turned red again, the evil laugh was heard once more, infernal symbols marked with fire appeared on the walls just to bansih almost immediatly, the wall at the end of the office got burned, out of no where, the fire consumed it, then I spoted her, floating inside the room, with her ripped clothes and the big hole laing in what once was her face... a Banshee.

Spoiler for Ending Theme- Once Upon a December:

Spoiler for The Banshee:

Ready... any typo? I think I made it this time... I hope

Your friends have noted the typos for you so I have nothing to say. By the way, it reminds me of Doom in a certain way. When it involves a lot of demons and people getting killed and the main character (or maybe her friend) in trouble and so . Keep it up.

[DezoPenguin]

Originally Posted by TheShinySword

It is with great pleasure that I present to you the long delayed, but always being muttered in my ear by a certain wolf, Chapter Four.

Magical Babysitter Lyrical Zafira
Chapter 4
In Which Zafira is Manipulated into Taking a Field Trip
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4083877/...Lyrical_Zafira

Please enjoy.

Page claim for wolves who just won't give up.

Oh, man, that was hilarious! I swear, I laughed through the entire roller-coaster of a helicopter ride!

Heh..."meatlike substance"...I swear, good meatloaf is hard to find! Vice and Shamal should do a cooking show together.

Though you definitely saved the best for last, since the single best line of the story is the Chapter 5 title.

You realize, however, that you've officially left yourself wide open for a great deal of epic-level nagging for getting the next chapter out...

[Seraph42]

Oh Crap! Im WWWWAAAAYYYYY Behind:eyespin :
So just the most resent

Originally Posted by Evil Rick

YAY!!! Its finally here!!!
I'd put something else but everyone has already said everything

Originally Posted by TheShinySword

It is with great pleasure that I present to you the long delayed, but always being muttered in my ear by a certain wolf, Chapter Four.

Magical Babysitter Lyrical Zafira
Chapter 4
In Which Zafira is Manipulated into Taking a Field Trip
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4083877/...Lyrical_Zafira

Please enjoy.

Page claim for wolves who just won't give up.

So you FINALLY decided too continue MBLZ
lol poor Zafira

[Evil Rick]

Originally Posted by Kai the Reaper

What is this my eyes notice? Could it be... !?

This was a great fun to read. Had me laughing for a good while. Vice had some of the greatest lines there. Poor Zaffy...


Ha! So something did happen to Karil! Vivio's in trouble... again... and I sooo think this is just starting. I wonder who the great evil is this time. Or what happened to make all these monsters suddenly appear (again).

Also,

Spoiler for chapter 2 typos:

spoted -> spotted
Shotgun -> shotgun (no need for capital letter)
scaried -> scared
were -> where
toke -> took
the hand of Karil -> Karil's hand (while technically not incorrect, I think it would sound better)
rooted -> rotten
Geral's -> Gerald's
enjoing -> enjoying
rised -> raised
shot -> shoot
throwed -> threw
toke -> took
Shotgun -> shotgun
leaved -> left
cring -> crying
nooded -> nodded
toke -> took
throwed -> teared (technically, 'thrown' is the right spelling, but I think the right verb would be 'to tear (down)')
retun -> to return
no need for a
spoted -> spotted
toke -> took
run -> running
saw -> see
spoted -> spotted
tring -> trying
Sherif -> sheriff
hided -> hid
shot -> shoot
trough -> through
spoted -> spotted
sherif -> sheriff
were -> was
Sherif -> sheriff
sherif -> sheriff
spoted -> spotted
sherif -> sheriff
comanded -> commanded
sherif -> sheriff
and -> an
broke -> broken
Sherif's -> sheriff's
shot -> shoot
sherif -> sheriff
shoting -> shooting
undeas -> undead
aproaching -> approaching
sherif -> sheriff
comanded -> commanded
trough -> through
Sherif -> sheriff
on -> in
lighst -> lights
Sherif -> sheriff
said -> say
heared -> heard
tring -> trying
ahs -> is at (?? not sure of the intention here)
grabed -> grabbed
strenght -> strength
sherif -> sheriff
dissapeared -> disappeared
tring -> trying
gonne -> gone
bansih -> vanish
no where -> nowhere
spoted -> spotted
laing -> laying

Also, I think the right plural of undead is still undead (the undead), not undeads. But I didn't quote every case where it appears.

Originally Posted by TerranReaper

Your friends have noted the typos for you so I have nothing to say. By the way, it reminds me of Doom in a certain way. When it involves a lot of demons and people getting killed and the main character (or maybe her friend) in trouble and so . Keep it up.

Originally Posted by Seraph42

YAY!!! Its finally here!!!
I'd put something else but everyone has already said everything

Hey, thanks for the coments, all, also, thanks for the grammatic support, I think that chapter 2 is clear now

Originally Posted by TerranReaper

Spoiler for KOTR 21:

KOTR 21
“I have to launch that missile! Gimme a hand will you?!” a soldier said to his partner. His partner nodded and handed the latter a HE missile. The giant mecha turned around a corner and headed towards his position. The soldier fired his missile and quickly moved from his position. The missile exploded near the Vita’s cockpit and cracked half the cockpit away. At the same time, Nanoha and Fate approached the cockpit. “Vita, can you hear me?!” Fate called out. Vita looked at them and shooed them. “Stay away from me; I can’t control my own movements! Destroy this mecha now! I’ll make a sacrifice for the safety of the city!” she yelled out. The two mages dodged a blow from the mecha. “No, I’m not willing to sacrifice any of you! We will get you out safely!” Nanoha called out. “Run you fool, it’s too late!” Vita yelled out before screaming in pain as electric surged through her body. The mecha halted its advancement and faced the two mages.

One of the bodies raised its sword and did a wide slash towards them. They dodged and counter-attacked. “This is the last time I have to suffer mental tortures from Scaglietti and his mad inventions! Divine Buster!” Nanoha yelled. “This is for torturing Nanoha! Plasma Lancer!” Fate yelled. The two attacks hit the central body and destroyed the sword arm, disabling its combat ability. It still could attack with its left arm though. It tried to grab one of them but the two mages were too agile. “Look, the two mages have the mecha occupied! Let’s take this chance to disable it!” a mage said. However, the left body warded them away. It stabbed its sword into the ground and unleashed a wave of destructive energy, killing everyone within a kilometer radius. “Damn it, this is not good!” someone yelled out.

The two soldiers, one Mexican and the other a German, made their way stealthily towards the wound of the mecha. They climbed into the damaged body unnoticed. “Look at all these thingamajigs. It’s like a sci-fi movie coming to life,” the Mexican soldier quipped. He heard crackling and turned around. The Mexican soldier saw the German soldier pulling some wires. “What are you doing, amigo?” he asked. “I’m gonna settle the debt with this machine. It owed me too many of my friends’ lives. If it can’t pay with blood, it’ll pay with its mechanical soul if it has any!” the German soldier yelled angrily. He ripped out a microchip and smashed it in his gauntleted hand. The Mexican shrugged and followed.

In the cockpit, Vita heard the A.I panicking. “How can this be? How can a saboteur be in my machine?!” it said. A video screen opened up before Vita and she saw two soldiers ripping the internal equipments. “Ah ha, there they are! I’m sending drones after them,” the A.I said. For a fraction of a second, Vita felt the A.I lose control over her. Maybe there is a way to get out. If the A.I ever gets distracted, she will use that precious moment to drive a sword into the machine’s abdomen. She watched the soldiers wreck the internal components of the machine. Secretly, she admired them for their foolish bravery. It must take a lot of bravado and daring to do such a thing.

Nanoha noticed the machine getting more sluggish, its movements slowing down. “Fate, what is going on?” Nanoha asked. Fate shrugged. “I dunno but this is an opportunity to beat the hell out of this machine,” Fate said. Suddenly, a sword hit the two of them, sending the two mages hurtling towards the road. They hit the road with a loud crunch and they skidded a few meters before hitting into a car with a loud bang. “Oh, that’s gotta hurt,” a soldier said while making a pain expression. Nanoha tried getting up but she found that the lower half of her body was paralyzed. She must have snapped a part of her backbone. Fate stood up groggily and limped towards Nanoha. “Nanoha, I’m coming to get you,” she said weakly. She was clutching her arm while limping slowly. The machine inched towards their position and poised to stomp on the two. They hugged each other, preparing for the worse.

Before it did so, two missiles streaked overhead and slammed into the lead body, knocking it over. The two heard the roar of a jet and looked around. In the sky was only one jet, a jet emblazoned with a head of a dragon clutching the Earth. Through their earpieces, they heard the voice of a man speaking through a breather mask. “It seems like I arrive just in time, ladies. Just get out of here and let me do the job,” the pilot said. Fate did not need to be told twice. She quickly lifted Nanoha up and got out from harm’s way. The pilot in his SU-37 Terminator engaged the machine alone. Above in the skies, Hayate made up her mind.

“General Bernard, launch those nukes. That machine is getting too close,” she said. General Bernard looked away and was silent for a while. “Sigh, very well. Prepare for Broken Arrow, launch one nuke in every 1 minute interval,” he said. The nuclear sirens blared so suddenly that it caught everyone off guard. “What, they’re launching nukes?! Why weren’t we told?!” an officer exclaimed. Everyone scrambled for cover quickly. The mages took to the skies while those who can’t fly searched for underground basements. “Hayate, are you sure this is the right thing? There are many civilians who still have not evacuate the city, not to mention that a majority of our troops are still down there,” Bernard said in a concerned tone. “We all have to make some sacrifices, Bernard. It is better we sacrifice them to destroy a major threat,” she said emotionlessly. Bernard raised his eyebrow and narrowed his eyes.

“That does not make sense. Who are you exactly?” he asked in a threatening tone. Hayate, or a disguise of Hayate to be precise, smiled evilly. “Very smart, General Bernard. You have actually seen through this one,” the imposter said. It turned out to be Due, revived by Jail Scaglietti months ago. She had several clones, each possessing the same I.S as the original Due. They were the culprits behind the problems faced by the Terran and Mid-Childan military. “You, who are you and what have you done to Hayate?!” Bernard hissed. Due laughed and grabbed a bounded up Hayate by the collar. “She’s right here with me but I’m afraid the ship’s crew isn’t. Thank you for launching the missiles for me, General,” she said. “Grr, stop the launching of the nukes now!” he yelled to his men. However, his men surrounded him and held up pistols.

“Ah ha ha ha, who said that loyalty can’t be bought?” she said with an evil laugh worthy of Jail. “You people…” Bernard growled. The screen distorted and shut off. “You see that, Rear Admiral Hayate? Your forces are losing and there is no way you can stop us now,” she said. Hayate wanted to say something but her mouth was tied up. Due threw her aside and contacted Jail. “Dr. Jail, mission accomplished,” she said. Jail nodded and smiled. “Good work, Due. You are as good as your original self. Now with the nukes launched, we can wipe out the coalition forces in one blow and cripple their military power. Victory is near,” Jail said. Due laid back on the commander’s chair, relaxing and sipping on some wine.

Fate brought Nanoha into a building occupied by Terran medics. They treated Nanoha but they can’t fix broken spines. “We still have not advanced to the stage where we can treat broken spines, ma’am. I’m sorry but I’m afraid she will be crippled for life,” a medic said solemnly to Fate. Fate didn’t take that well. She grabbed his collar and shook him. “There must be a way to reduce the effects! There must be!” she said while on the verge of tears. The medic shook his head. “I’m not sure if we can do this! If you really want her healed, you’re better off finding your own hospital. I’m sure Mid-Childan doctors are better than us,” the medic said hastily. Fate slowly let go of the medic and sat at a corner. “Where can we find a Mid-Childan doctor at this kind of time?” she asked herself. The medics looked at each other and mumbled something to each other as if discussing about something. After a while, another medic came up to her. “Ma’am, there are a group of Mid-Childan doctors not far from our building. If you want, we can go get them,” he suggested. “Do it, do it for the sake of Nanoha,” Fate said. The medic nodded and sighed. “I want two volunteers to follow me. Let’s go get us a doctor,” he said.

Due’s relax time was cut short when the door to the command bridge of the ship blew open. Three teenagers came in. “There you are, Due. We’ve been looking all over for you,” Erio said. Due looked at them and raised an eyebrow. “Took you kids long enough to find me. Why, did my slyness get you into trouble?” she asked mockingly. “You know very well what you did. This time, it’s going to end with your death,” Lutecia growled. “As if I’m afraid with a bunch of kids. If you take one step closer,” she said and held up Hayate. “I’m gonna rip her heart out,” Due continued. “You wouldn’t dare,” Erio hissed. “Try me, Erio Mondial,” Due mocked. She lifted her claw arm and scratched Hayate’s cheek. She cried out in pain but her voice was muffled by the cloth covering her mouth. “This is just a demonstration. You wouldn’t like it if I did what I said,” Due threatened.

Just then, they saw missiles erupt from the clouds. It flew up high before turning downwards and plunging towards Cranagan. “It seems like Armageddon is here. Say good by to your city and your friends,” Due said with an evil laugh. The three watched in horror as the missiles fell. All along, the Saint of Swords was just a diversion to concentrate the coalition army in one place…and wipe them out in one blow.

Spoiler for KOTR theme: Combined Assault:

Armageddon arrives for the first time on Mid-Childa.

Well, things look really bad at this point, not only Vita looks unstopabvle, also it seems that Due & Jail beated the Mild Cha & Terran forces

I think that the Mexican and German soldiers are quite funny

This chapter remind me a line from the Intro in Mortal Kombat Armageddon

"Armageddon... has begun" O3O

PD: Hey Terran, I think something's wrong with the Musical theme video... I can't see it

Grammar Question: Hey people, I have a doubt on grammar, when the verb ends with a "y", adding the auxiliar "ing" wouldn't replace the "y" with the "i" on the verb? Like Play -> Plaing

[Aaron008R]

Err... That's wrong...^^;;

You do not replace 'y' from the verb. You simply add '-ing' to the end.

Here are some examples:

• stay -> staying
• play -> playing
• buy -> buying
• apply -> applying
• spray -> spraying
• cry -> crying

Hope that helped. :3



Oh, and something has been bugging me too. As far as I know, the verb 'die' (meaning to stop living) is spelled as 'dying' in present-tense. But I've encountered the word 'dieing' here in FFT for a couple of times already.

It feels weird to me. But even the spell-checker of Firefox seems to indicate that it is a legitimate word. My MS Word and my trusty old dictionary, however, don't. How did it come to that? A mere variation in spelling between English-speaking countries...?^^;;

[Evil Rick]

Originally Posted by Aaron008R

Err... That's wrong...^^;;

You do not replace 'y' from the verb. You simply add '-ing' to the end.

Here are some examples:

• stay -> staying
• play -> playing
• buy -> buying
• apply -> applying
• spray -> spraying
• cry -> crying

Hope that helped. :3

I tough that it needed to be replaced... well, thanks for the tip

[NorthernFallout]

Originally Posted by Aaron008R

Oh, and something has been bugging me too. As far as I know, the verb 'die' (meaning to stop living) is spelled as 'dying' in present-tense. But I've encountered the word 'dieing' here in FFT for a couple of times already.

It feels weird to me. But even the spell-checker of Firefox seems to indicate that it is a legitimate word. My MS Word and my trusty old dictionary, however, don't. How did it come to that? A mere variation in spelling between English-speaking countries...?^^;;

Damn you, now I will go around thinking about this all day. I didn't find anything other than that some regard it as a misspelling but I don't know if it's official. Wiki and google sure don't want to correct it.

I don't like it personally, even if it sounds the same. Someone figure it out before I go insane.

[Tempy]

Originally Posted by Aaron008R

Oh, and something has been bugging me too. As far as I know, the verb 'die' (meaning to stop living) is spelled as 'dying' in present-tense. But I've encountered the word 'dieing' here in FFT for a couple of times already.

It feels weird to me. But even the spell-checker of Firefox seems to indicate that it is a legitimate word. My MS Word and my trusty old dictionary, however, don't. How did it come to that? A mere variation in spelling between English-speaking countries...?^^;;

As far as I know, "dying" is the correct way of spelling it. I don't know why "dieing" doesn't set off spell checkers, but none of my references having an appropriate definition for "dieing." They all redirect to the correct way. Even Google gives no definite conclusion, beyond articles with bad spelling. When in doubt, just use "dying."

[Aaron008R]

Ah well... It was really stuck in my mind so I went ahead and did some searching myself. >_>

Here's what I found. http://www.thefreedictionary.com/dieing

It says here that the verb 'die' should turn into 'dying' indeed.

However, 'dieing' also turns out to be a real word. O_o
The description says "To cut, form, or stamp with or as if with a die."
It corresponds to the noun 'dies', which is a metal piece used in pressing designs into softer metals.

Huu~...

I guess my old Webster's Desk Dictionary is no longer up to date... T_T ()

[yuiseppe]

Dying is definitely the correct present continuous form for 'die' as in 'cease to live'.

But watch out for dyEing as in 'to dye my hair'.

As for dIEing i.e. cutting/molding, I'm not sure if it's now a neologism. I'd have thought you'd use 'die' as a noun only but then again, it's not everyday that I have to deal with that industry :P

fyi: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Die_(manufacturing)

So please, your martyrs with life debilitating hero-complexes are DYING, not DIEING.

@EvilRickRick, I think it's a good idea to get more exposure to well written english while you're writing. Pick up a novel or whatever interests you - the more you read, the better your own grammar and spelling will be.

[Evangelion Xgouki]

Had this crack idea floating around since Friday but it seemed like it would be a good idea to save it until now

Spoiler for Briefing:

"Eeehhh? Why me?"

Twelve year old Nanoha Takamachi stood in surprise at the latest orders that had been given to her by her superior officer.

"Oh come now, Nanoha-chan." Lindy paused to take a sip of her hot tea. "Don't you think you'd be the best choice for this assignment?"

"I-I guess so but should you send a more senior officer?"

"You'll be fine. Besides, Chrono-kun will be with you as well. Though he'll be more of an adviser for you since it is your mission."

The smile on Lindy's face only cemented the fact that she had made up her mind on the matter. It had only been about three years since the young teen had her first encounter with magic and the TSAB. Now here she was working with the multi-dimension organization and being sent off to another world on their behalf.

"Yes, ma'am," she sighed in defeat.

Lindy took another sip. "Great! You'll be leaving within the hour."

That hour seemed to fly by as Nanoha soon found herself sitting in the mess hall of the Artha nursing a more traditional cup of tea. Text automatically scrolled by slowly on a datapad she held with her left hand. It was the fourth time she was reading through the briefing document to make sure she wouldn't screw this assignment up.

"Penny for your thoughts?"

The Japanese girl tore her eyes from the text to find she was no longer alone at the table. "Ah, Chrono-kun. I didn't hear you."

"Well you did seem oh so absorbed in your reading there."

"Nyahaha..." She set the datapad down. "Um, shouldn't you be on the bridge?"

"A captain deserves a break once in a while," he stated with a wave of his hand. "Besides, I left Amy in charge and she knows how to handle the ship."

"So what brings you here?"

He leaned back in his chair. "You, actually?"

"Me?" she blinked in surprise.

"Mom told me you were pretty nervous about the assignment."

"A-ah..." It didn't surprise her too much that Lindy would have told her son.

"I can understand why you'd be nervous about this. You've only been with the TSAB for, what? Around three years or so? You probably feel that this is an assignment for someone older and more familiar with the TSAB, right?"

She nodded in agreement. "Don't you think so?"

"I would say so, yes. But," he crossed his hands over his chest, "given your connections and knowledge you would make a better choice. Not to mention you'd be able to explain things with a unique point of view having not known about magic until recently."

"I suppose..."

He stood and patted her on the shoulder. "Don't worry so much. You'll do fine, I'm sure of it." As he took his leave, he paused at the doorway. "Oh, and if we end up doing a demonstration, try and restrain yourself. We want to leave a positive impression of the TSAB, not one of wide-spread destruction."

Nanoha's cheeks puffed out as she stood up and shook her fist at the Captain, "Mou, Chrono-kun!" She could hear his laughter as he disappeared around the corner. Collapsing back into her chair, her eyes wandered back to the datapad on the table. "Maybe I am being too worried about all this..."

A few hours later she found herself standing in a simple conference room, yet the furniture and few paintings on the wall were all but simple. The blinds were shut, leaving the overhead lights as the only source of illumination in the room. A low hum broke the silence, signaling the activation of the building's heater system. Given how people were dressed outside with their heavy coats, gloves, and earmuffs when she took a peak she was glad they had teleported right into the room. She would have stuck out wearing her TSAB uniform top and blue skirt in this weather.

Besides Chrono and herself, no one else was present in the room. Secrecy was an important part of this assignment. This world was not ready for the public to know about the existence of magic and other dimensions. However after those incidents a few years ago on this world it would be hard to hide it completely. Standard procedure would be to eliminate evidence of the TSAB's involvement on Non-Administered Worlds like video recordings and photographs should they be unable to hide themselves. However, the scale and suddenness of the incidents made doing that very difficult. Instead the TSAB opted to an alternate plan that they had used on a few worlds before. Leaders were gathered at a secret meeting where they were briefed by the TSAB. Their cooperation would be gained in order to keep information about the incidents out of the public eye. They would use their authority to seal any records from observatories, satellites, and other media under the guise of it being for their world's 'top-level security.' Some worlds took more effort to convince, but eventually all leaders would cooperate. In many cases their would be an exchange or technology for cooperation. For this particular world Nanoha wasn't too sure on the details of the original agreements.

The opening of the main doors caught her attention. They stood up from their seats in respect as an older man entered the room, the doors shutting behind him. From the way he presented himself with his stance and well-kept suit, she could tell he had an aura of authority and determination. His expression was soft, a slight smile on his lips as he turned to the pair.

"I take it you two will be briefing me on this 'top secret' matter? Forgive me, but I do not recognize your uniforms."

Chrono's lips turned up slightly, "As we wouldn't expect you to. I am Captain Chrono Harlaown and this is Master Sergeant Nanoha Takamachi of the Time-Space Administration Bureau. We are here to brief you on our involvement with your world, President Obama."

[Keroko]

I can just hear Barack's head hitting the table going "My first day in office, and I already get this on my plate."

[PhoenixG]

* adds confusion by saying dyeing *

* flees *

[Evangelion Xgouki]

Originally Posted by PhoenixG

* adds confusion by saying dyeing *

* flees *

*takes the dying PhoenixG and tosses into a die factory and covered in dye. The dying dyed PheonixG in the die factory is then subjected to dieing by the dies*



*FFFLLEEESSSS*

[Keroko]

Three words almost exactly alike with three different meanings? English and their silly language.