[Spoilers] What a Naruto character would never say

[Kamui4356]

Originally Posted by monir

What a waste to our budding Sakura! I mean, she had the potential to have some physical traits similar to Tsunade or Pathy if she had become Tsunade's apprentice. Now we may never know. I just realized, Holy flying cows, we have Kamui to our newest addition in this thread of the immortals.

Now for part 2. Everone can thank/blame monir for encourging me to finish the story with that review.
*the next day*
anbu: Glad you're here.

Kakashi: I came as soon as I could. what do you have?

anbu: We found the body of your student, Haruno Sakura, yesterday afternoon. The victim was completely drained of chakara, and had insect bites all over her body. Several witnesses saw her talking to Aburame Shino near the time of death. We have a video of the incident, DNA evidence, as well as a signed confession from Shino. Given only that information, we have no leads and no suspects.

Kakashi: I see, if that's all you have I guess it'll never be solved. Now what to do about Naruto and Sasuke....

*Kakashi glues a tape player to a cardboard cutout of Sakura*
Kakashi: Now to test it.

Cardboard Sakura: Naruto..............Sasuke-kun..............Naruto..............Sasuke-kun..............
Kakashi: Perfect, they'll never suspect a thing. *hides*

Naruto: Oii, Sakura-chan!

Sakura: Naruto..............Sauke-kun..............

Naruto:Haven't seen Sasuke yet today

Sakura:Naruto..............

Naruto: I haven't seen him, I swear

Sasuke:Yo, Naruto, Sakura

Naruto: Ah, there he is, DAMN IT! YOU'RE LATE, QUIT TRYING TO BE LIKE KAKASHI!!!

Sakura:Sasuke-kun..............

Sasuke: *looks at Sakura* Naruto, don't you think there's something odd about Sakura?

Naruto:Now that you mention it.... Ah! I know! Sakura-chan did you lose weight?

Sakura:Naruto..............

Sasuke: Yes, that's it, you look good Sakura.

Sakura:Sasuke-kun..............

Kakashi: Sorry I'm late, I got lost on the road of life Hehe...as I thought. they don't suspect a thing.

[hobobaggins]

that is so true. you deserve a good rank point for that

Spoiler:

SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet.
FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
ACTION: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.

SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet.
FAULT: Improper bladder control.
ACTION: Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house training.

SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale and tasteless.
FAULT: Glass empty.
ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.

SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.
FAULT: You have fallen over backward.
ACTION: Have yourself chained to bar.

SYMPTOM: Mouth contains cigarette butts.
FAULT: You have fallen forward.
ACTION: See above.

SYMPTOM: Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.
FAULT: Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face.
ACTION: Retire to restroom, practice in mirror.

SYMPTOM: Floor blurred.
FAULT: You are looking through bottom of empty glass.
ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.

SYMPTOM: Floor moving.
FAULT: You are being carried out.
ACTION: Find out if you are being taken to another bar.

SYMPTOM: Room seems unusually dark.
FAULT: Bar has closed.
ACTION: Confirm home address with bartender, take taxi home.

SYMPTOM: Truck suddenly takes on colourful aspect and textures.
FAULT: Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations.
ACTION: Cover mouth.

SYMPTOM: Everyone looks up to you and smiles.
FAULT: You are dancing on the table.
ACTION: Fall on somebody cushy-looking.

SYMPTOM: Beer is crystal-clear.
FAULT: It's water. Somebody is trying to sober you up.
ACTION: Punch him.

SYMPTOM: Hands hurts, nose hurts, mind unusually clear.
FAULT: You have been in a fight.
ACTION: Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was them.

SYMPTOM: Don't recognize anyone, or the room you're in.
FAULT: You've wandered into the wrong party.
ACTION: See if they have free beer.

SYMPTOM: Your singing sounds distorted.
FAULT: The beer is too weak.
ACTION: Have more beer until your voice improves.

SYMPTOM: Don't remember the words to the song.
FAULT: Beer is just right.
ACTION: Play air guitar.

off site content people

ROFL

[Lst2touchdasky]

Originally Posted by Lst2touchdasky

O well, i guess ill tone it down abit well have specail on 99 ways cook akamaru for our korean viewers!

Here it is

1. just throw him in to an oven
2. Fry cook
3. boil
4. over a camp fire
5. On a skillet
6. in a dishwasher on burn
7. hidden in bag that was sent to the dry cleaners
8. Bring him to arizona and just strap him to the pavement
9. strap a gaint rock to him and drop him off space shuttle
10. Microwave
11. Microwave + tin foil
12. over a volcano
13. hold him over a gyser
14. Broil
15. grill
16. bbq
17. giving him to a new york hot dog vender
18. Go back in time and strap a bra to him and use him as protest
19. cause a forest fire and toss him in the middle
20. fart and light a match
21. lit his shit on fire while its still coming out of him
22. just plain of light on fire
23. under a heat lamp
24. under a fat man in a tanning salon
25. under a fat lady in a tanning salon
26. dip him in battery acid and wash him off
27. force feed him hot charcol
28. lighter fluid in his water and coat his tounge and light that on fire
29. stuff wassabi in him
30. cook him w/ your rice
31. spend 5 hours rubbing sand paper across his body at a very high rate
32. blow torch
33. cattle brand him 300 times
34. if he still alive cattle brand another 300 times
35. slice him up and offer him as sushi
36. send him through the the quiznos toaster (thats how they got their mascots)
37. wrap metal wires around him and heat it up
38. shove him in can and drag it across the desert (this is getting hard)
39. never ending rope burns
40. thrown into a tv (it'll catch fire sooner or later)
41. jumper cables * large supply of energy
42. leave him in a wrestling room, ( he'll get dehydrated)
43. on lab burner in class
44. give him to your school cafiteria
45. connect him to fire works
46. radiation
47. ground beef
48. feed him to a cow and eat the that
49. strap him to a fat horny couple, the friction at the 2 getting at each would be enough to bake him
49+1/2:give him to lst2 since hes going to hell any ways

im lazy ill do the rest later

[hobobaggins]

hidden in bag that was sent to the dry cleaners

brilliant.

Hmm

50: Stick him in a thread started by fontonios
51: Under the lights of a dodge durango commercial. they use ALOT of lights on that one car.

[pathyfinder]

HOBO: This one time at band camp.......

Lst2touchdasky: I'm too busy, I have to rescue all the puppies in LEAF Have to find them good homes, have to do home visits PURI PURI

3rd Hokage to Oro Sorry, I didn't want to kill you Oro for all these years, it was just a promise I made to your mother Oro, and the only reason the 4th sealed the Kyuubi in Naruto was because.... well, see I had sex with the Kyuubi's girl friend, and that was the reason Kyuubi attacked. I couldn't do the seal because I had to survive to raise you, ... I'm your FATHER!

Naruto male Fans: Girls fighting in mud ... who cares, I'm watching LOTR instead.

Sasuke want some bubble gum?
Nope
Sakura want some bubble gum?
Sure, what ever.....
Naruto opens up his bag and hands her a orange piece....
WTF...This isn't bubble gum Naruto!!
It's not, then what is it?
Where did you get this Naruto?
From Pervert Senin's bag, he had plenty so I just took some!
Uhmmmm, Naruto these are Condoms.

*pervert senin walks by looking woeful and depressed*
What's wrong sensei?
Uhm.... I don't understand as I never get under a 12 pack, but last night it finally happened.. I wasn't able to give the ladies the sweet loving...I always count them out and plan ahead, it's like they just vanished?

I found some sensei....you must of put some in my bag for safe keeping for such an emergency!

....thanks Naruto.... *why are they all wet, this one has teeth marks on it?*
Naruto and Sasuke leave,
hey Sakura how would you like to learn a great new Jutsu?

I know that one already .....

[propa03]

Hobo, I think you're trying to kill me! I almost died holding in the laughter at that cybersex post (I'm in the library so I have to be quiet). Anyways, nice work everybody!

[hobobaggins]

Originally Posted by propa03

Hobo, I think you're trying to kill me! I almost died holding in the laughter at that cybersex post (I'm in the library so I have to be quiet). Anyways, nice work everybody!

sorry about that....

anyway- i am at the library too. i just saw a "drunken turkey" one... i will try and find it.

[Bun-kun]

Originally Posted by Lst2touchdasky

Here it is

1. just throw him in to an oven
2. Fry cook
3. boil
4. over a camp fire
5. On a skillet
6. in a dishwasher on burn
7. hidden in bag that was sent to the dry cleaners
8. Bring him to arizona and just strap him to the pavement
9. strap a gaint rock to him and drop him off space shuttle
10. Microwave
11. Microwave + tin foil
12. over a volcano
13. hold him over a gyser
14. Broil
15. grill
16. bbq
17. giving him to a new york hot dog vender
18. Go back in time and strap a bra to him and use him as protest
19. cause a forest fire and toss him in the middle
20. fart and light a match
21. lit his shit on fire while its still coming out of him
22. just plain of light on fire
23. under a heat lamp
24. under a fat man in a tanning salon
25. under a fat lady in a tanning salon
26. dip him in battery acid and wash him off
27. force feed him hot charcol
28. lighter fluid in his water and coat his tounge and light that on fire
29. stuff wassabi in him
30. cook him w/ your rice
31. spend 5 hours rubbing sand paper across his body at a very high rate
32. blow torch
33. cattle brand him 300 times
34. if he still alive cattle brand another 300 times
35. slice him up and offer him as sushi
36. send him through the the quiznos toaster (thats how they got their mascots)
37. wrap metal wires around him and heat it up
38. shove him in can and drag it across the desert (this is getting hard)
39. never ending rope burns
40. thrown into a tv (it'll catch fire sooner or later)
41. jumper cables * large supply of energy
42. leave him in a wrestling room, ( he'll get dehydrated)
43. on lab burner in class
44. give him to your school cafiteria
45. connect him to fire works
46. radiation
47. ground beef
48. feed him to a cow and eat the that
49. strap him to a fat horny couple, the friction at the 2 getting at each would be enough to bake him
49+1/2:give him to lst2 since hes going to hell any ways

im lazy ill do the rest later

I would put in him in a fat net and sear on a flat top grill. YUM YUM

[xcrzythaiguyx]

Naruto: hey kyubi i just wanted to know about the 4th hokage..

Kyubi: well i'll tell you this he was really something!

Naruto: REALLY?! HOW?!

Kyubi: of course he wasn't able to kill me seeing as how i am so strong and all but he was able to seal me!!

Kyubi: but the thing that really impressed me about him was how he got me inside of you!!

Kyubi: it was like magic how he shoved me up your ass

Naruto:

[Lst2touchdasky]

Originally Posted by pathyfinder

Lst2touchdasky: I'm too busy, I have to rescue all the puppies in LEAF Have to find them good homes, have to do home visits PURI PURI

Aww am i that cruel? i was just getting coooking akamaru- just getting a head start on evil plot about throwing kiba in the same as hinata well alot of axe deoderent to take get rid of kiba's smell of dog. Also i left your purse in there w/ alot of porno in the one bed one restroom over sized box with no means of escape. o yea back on topic, me and kiba are going to eat akamaru at a party afterwords if my scheme works

Also- when did we iniate propa03?

I guess im lacking humor-my post for today
possible future fontonios threads,
OMG THE THIRD IS JEWISH- LOOK AT THAT NOSE

Does jiyara pay for porn?

You know if we put enough gel into naruto's hair he could look like goku

You know if we put enough gel into naruto's hair he could look like ME!

i spent $50 to buy episode 75 fansubs 3 weeks before it release- SUCKAS!

Sorry for my previous thread but it turns out, that it was fake and it was 50 mins of la blue girl cut scenes so i threw it out

Omg i was at a cosplay convention and the guy who was cosplaying Bulma humped me- im so happy

[Slade]

Originally Posted by xcrzythaiguyx

Kyubi: it was like magic how he shoved me up your ass

Naruto:

Heh... did you read my Aussie hunter 4th post? It connects!

Originally Posted by Lst2touchdasky

Also- when did we iniate propa03
possible future fontonios threads,
OMG THE THIRD IS JEWISH- LOOK AT THAT NOSE

Does jiyara pay for porn?

You know if we put enough gel into naruto's hair he could look like goku

You know if we put enough gel into naruto's hair he could look like ME!

i spent $50 to buy episode 75 fansubs 3 weeks before it release- SUCKAS!

Sorry for my previous thread but it turns out, that it was fake and it was 50 mins of la blue girl cut scenes so i threw it out

Omg i was at a cosplay convention and the guy who was cosplaying Bulma humped me- im so happy

propa seems to have initiated himself in.

*note to propa, ask one of the senior regulars for permission*

or just give Lst2 and me 5 dollars via paypal. I also accept get a free sub coupons for subway(that's how Kaoru got in).

Heh, fotonios... he will never cease to amaze us indeed... with his stupidity and what the hell is up with his matrix quotes?

It's too late to crack a joke so here's a certified

*IOU of 1 count of funny naruto related joke/parody*
only valid if cashed in at the bank of venus while wearing nothing.

Even hobo would not dare cash that one in.

[Lst2touchdasky]

Originally Posted by Slade

I also accept get a free sub coupons for subway(that's how Kaoru got in).

I perfer quiznos- Qoutes hampsters
We love you subs!
Cos they are good to us! O to Hot
The QUIZNOS SUBS!
they are tasty-they are crunchy- they are warm because we toast them!!
They got a pepper bar!
The QUIZNOS SUBS!

[pathyfinder]

ding dong
Naruto answers the door at sunrise: Aii, I've been waiting for this delivery, please place the box in the kitchen.
Leaf Delivery man: places box with jars in it on the kitchen counter and leaves...he leaves get it , get it he LEAVES he is from Leaf???
Later at the dinner party, guests are observed making funny faces and most are not finishing their plate of food????
Hinata pulls Naruto by the nose into the kitchen! :
Hinata: The guests are eating, and my recipe is fool proof even you can't mess it up Naruto..... tell me how you made it.
Naruto: Honest I did everything as you asked! The Veggies, the noodles, the base, everything just like you taught me Hinata
Hinata: Show me the base you used
Naruto: I..I...I...I... used the Jars you had delivered....
Hinata:

Spoiler:

The jars that say "KY JELLY" on them
Naruto : K Y ? What's a KY Jelly, does it taste bad?
Hinata: Goes back into main room and apologizes for the quality of dinner served and said do the circumstances she thinks it best we just call it a night... the guest leave.
Naruto: Why ... Why did you have everyone leave????
Hinata: Well, we aren't using the mayo for the orgy then tonight are we.....seeing as you used all the KY up to make dinner!!!!

.
.
.

Spoiler:

....so last night I made myself a real treat! A nice BLT on toast with Mayo, and seeing as I haven't had one of these in over two years, I really enjoyed it .... Then I wake up this morning with a little tummy ache and of course all my brain can think of is those maggots So I hope you are happy HOBO, as you did have a female thinking of only you- Hobo ... in bed NOT!, so I think it'll be another two years before I have another! I call it the HOBO DIET!

Quizno's are so greasy.. oh yeah, that's right, you probably have a decent metabolism yet... I still love the soups and subs at subway

Spoiler:

Oh, wait....Gosh I hope Hobo don't work there

[propa03]

:suitably chastized:

I suppose someone must induct me then....

[pathyfinder]

Originally Posted by propa03

I suppose someone must induct me then....

I have a mission for you.... to rescue the Hokage Level Animators in Kenya. You can have Sakura to help you .....use her as bait if nothing else helps the other option is that

Spoiler:

to bel mugged and steal all your condoms

[Shinobu_Maehara]

Sasuke: Are you crying Gaara? want me to hug you?
Gaara: I'm not crying, there's sand in my eyes.

[propa03]

Originally Posted by pathyfinder

I have a mission for you.... to rescue the Hokage Level Animators in Kenya. You can have Sakura to help you .....use her as bait if nothing else helps the other option is that

Spoiler:

to bel mugged and steal all your condoms

if i choose to be mugged, can i still feed her to the lions?

In a tragic story today Ritchie the lion has choked to death on an excessively large human skull.....

[Sai]

Originally Posted by Lst2touchdasky

I perfer quiznos- Qoutes hampsters
We love you subs!
Cos they are good to us! O to Hot
The QUIZNOS SUBS!
they are tasty-they are crunchy- they are warm because we toast them!!
They got a pepper bar!
The QUIZNOS SUBS!

LOL gotta love the quizno subs rat mutants

Kiba: Damn it! Where'd I put that penut butter?......

Kiba: Here it is! Ooooooo Akamaruuuuu come heeerreee *zzzzzzzip*

Akamaru:

[xcrzythaiguyx]

Temari: Damn Gaara you stink!!

Kankurou: Yeah don't you ever take a shower?!?

Gaara: unfortunately no....

Gaara: the sand gets in the way when i try..

Gaara: and whats worst is that i get muddy.....

Kankurou: OHH!! i get it ur armour of sand is just hardened mud!!

[Lst2touchdasky]

Originally Posted by Sai

Kiba: Damn it! Where'd I put that penut butter?......

Kiba: Here it is! Ooooooo Akamaruuuuu come heeerreee *zzzzzzzip*

Akamaru:

THATS EXACTLY WHY I MUST GET RID OF AKAMARU! ON WITH THE MAKE HINATA AGGRESSIVE PLAN!