Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha Character Creation and Discussion (second reincarnation)

[TheShinySword]

Originally Posted by krisslanza

You're not presenting good reasons for me to not start writing crack...

So Keroko impulsiveness + Rune pervertedness = Crack!

The hard bit is Vivio... But maybe just Keroko will do...

*Runs*

Just tell Vivio she isn't allowed to play so she'll become so determined to play she'll beg By the time she realizes she's been tricked it'll be too late.

[krisslanza]

Originally Posted by TheShinySword

Just tell Vivio she isn't allowed to play so she'll become so determined to play she'll beg By the time she realizes she's been tricked it'll be too late.

Well in Arc-en-Ciel Vivio is Rune's student... She calls her Rune-sempai
Maybe I can find a way to trick her... Kukukukukukukuku

[TheShinySword]

Originally Posted by krisslanza

Well in Arc-en-Ciel Vivio is Rune's student... She calls her Rune-sempai
Maybe I can find a way to trick her... Kukukukukukukuku

Rune: Sorry Vivio this is a game for adults

Vivio: H-hey I'm adult... enough!

Rune: If you insist...

30 minutes later

Vivio: *Now nearly naked* TT-TT not fair

[krisslanza]

Originally Posted by TheShinySword

Rune: Sorry Vivio this is a game for adults

Vivio: H-hey I'm adult... enough!

Rune: If you insist...

30 minutes later

Vivio: *Now nearly naked* TT-TT not fair

Exactly!
Though a strip poker crack is... Hard. See with yakyuken crack I can use dice to determine who wins (Assigning 2 numbers to each symbol per character and rolling dice to see who wins and stuff)

But how can I find a way to do that with poker...?

[Comartemis]

Originally Posted by LimitedEternal

*Imagines Comar sitting under a cardboard box in the middle of an abadoned construction zone, looking utterly bewildered*



*runs*

*Corrects the image to depict Comar sitting under a tree on a barren lakeside lot adorned only by a motor home, a fire pit, and a few dozen other trees, with a bear looking over his shoulder at the AS homepage displayed on his browser*

*...then runs from the bear*

Your evolutionary purpose is nothing before anime's Three Exalted Words:

Rule. Of. Cool.

And on the 8th day, God created awesomeness.

Originally Posted by Wild Goose

On the subject of devices and bodyguards:

Seems like it'd be a bit easier in Nanoha to avoid the henshins. If your BJ takes whatever form you want it to, then someone who expects to need it at any moment could force it to assume the form of his casual wear; a magical pair of jeans and a t-shirt or something, for instance. And since magic doesn't need a device in order to be used, the split-second it takes to transform your device out of its' storage mode should be rather negligible.

***

On a completely unrelated topic, has anyone tried to do a Neo-Mid system?

Neo-Belka takes the groundings of AB and applies Mid techniques to them; an idea I had for Alex (since Cinque went and hijacked the Steel Mage concept) was to reverse the process, and make a Mid system with Belkan concepts applied to it.

Since Alex has grown up in the Saint Church, he idolizes the Church Knights and decides to make up his own style while still playing to his strengths (energy manipulation instead of pseudomatter manipulation). The result is a Mid-type user who specializes in melee and short-range combat using lots of energy blades and an array of other spells like binding spells that can be used like whips, energy daggers and blades used as projectiles, etc. Anyone have any similar systems I could use for additional ideas and inspiration?

[Evangelion Xgouki]

Figured I'd share this here, too :3

Don't ask where this came from because not even I know...

Spoiler for Bump in the Night:

She could see it getting closer.

She didn't know what it was, only able to get a quick glance at it before sprinting away. But that quick glance was all she needed to know what it was something she wanted to be around. Whatever it was...it wasn't human anymore or maybe never was. Her eyes darted around the dark, unsure of where it went...or where it was coming from. Even with all her years of experience and missions in the field against criminals of all degrees Nanoha was scared. No, she was terrified. She was boxed in on all sides with no where to run. The silence wasn't helping much either. You'd think something of that size would make some noise while moving around. Maybe...maybe it went away. Yea, she was getting all worked up over it, right? The snap of a branch quickly drew her attention to her right. Blue eyes darted left and right through the darkness. Nothing. By now her heart was pounding in her chest, palms damp. Was it still here? She tried to swallow the lump in her throat, eyes looking straight ahead...

GRAHHH!!

And a scream escaped from her lips as the creature lunged forward, as well as from most of the people in the theater. Next to her, Fate grinned slightly as she watched the creature chase after the heroine on the screen. Her attention switches over to the girl clutching onto her arm.

"Something wrong, Nanoha?"

The brunette tightens her grip on the sleeve. "Mou...can we get out of here, Fate-chan?"

"But why? It's starting to get good."

"I knew I shouldn't have let you pick the mov-"

Her sentence is cut off as another scream escapes her lips as the creature leaps from around a corner on the screen, sharp fang exposed and dripping with fluids. That was all she could handle. Nanoha quickly got to her feet and scooted past the people to reach the aisle and that wonderful exit sign in the back. Watching her exit the theater, Fate sighed and reluctantly made her way to the exit as well.

Outside of the theater, she found her friend hugging herself and warily glancing around. As it was a monster flick, the sun had long finished its journey across the Mid Childa sky for that day. Light posts illuminated the dark street the best they could, but even with the twin moon above the darkness still held dominion over most of the city.

"Oh, come on Nanoha. It was just a movie."

Hearing Fate coming up towards her, Nanoha took that as the cue to start walking back to base. "You know that I don't like those kinds of movies, Fate-chan."

"You've dived head-first into abandoned ruins, staked out criminals in jungles infested with hundreds of alien creatures, and engaged unknown threats without batting an eye. Yet the Ace of Aces can't sit through a single monster flick?"

"That's different." She retorts with a light blush of embarrassment. "They're not the same thing..."

"Oh fine." Fate sighs. "You knew I've been looking forward to this movie for some time now. It was your fault to let me pick just as it came out, you know?"

"Mou...let's just get home."

Fate chuckled to herself and jogged to catch up to her friend.

Its close to midnight and something evils lurking in the dark
Under the moonlight you see a sight that almost stops your heart
You try to scream but terror takes the sound before you make it
You start to freeze as horror looks you right between the eyes,
You're paralyzed!

Nanoha shook her head as Fate walked/skipped next to her. What an odd time to start singing...

You hear the door slam and realize theres nowhere left to run
You feel the cold hand and wonder if you'll ever see the sun
You close your eyes and hope that this is just imagination, girl
But all the while you hear the creature creepin' up behind
You're out of time

She giggles softly as Fate wanders around behind her and lightly grips her shoulder. Before she can turn to face her, she had already let go and made her way in front of her, walking backwards.

They're out to get you, theres demons closing in on every side
They will possess you unless you change the number on your dial
Now is the time for you and I to cuddle close together
All through the night I'll save you from the terror on the screen,
I'll make you see

By now Nanoha had forgotten all about the movie as they skipped together down the dimly lit road, Fate's arm around her neck. She was having so much fun in fact that she barely noticed the foggy graveyard as they walked by...

From behind a large tombstone a familiar face peers out. Smooth, purple locks were not frazzled and covered in dirt. His once pristine, white lab coat was in tatters covered in dirt and other substances. As he watched, a slight grin came to his sunken face, revealing what remained of his teeth before he began to speak...

Darkness falls across the land
The midnight hour is close at hand
Creatures crawl in search of blood
To terrorize yawls neighborhood

The ground around the graves began to shift as something beneath started to stir.

And whosoever shall be found
Without the soul for getting down
Must stand and face the hounds of hell
And rot inside a corpses shell

A thin, bony hand stretched up from the open tomb and slowly pushed the lid aside to grant it access to the world outside. Across the graves below, others of its kind broke free from their earthen tombs and shuffled down to the road in their decomposed clothes.

The foulest stench is in the air
The funk of forty thousand years
And grizzly ghouls from every tomb
Are closing in to seal your doom

On the road a manhole cover was lifted and slid aside, allowing another of their kind to join them on their evening march. This one was shorter than the rest with blond hair and chain dragging behind her.

And though you fight to stay alive
Your body starts to shiver
For no mere mortal can resist
The evil of the thriller

The undead Jail cackles manically, his arms raised above his head. Only to have his right arm fall off and land on the moist soil. He pauses his laughter to stare at his missing limb and shrugs it off before joining the other ghouls in their slow, moaning shuffle down the street. The creatures from the grave catch up to the pair, surrounding them in the isolated street. Hungry moans echo though the evening air as Nanoha and Fate back up to one another. Blue and burgundy eyes dart around at the undead, trying to find a way out.

"Vi-vivio?"

Nanoha's gaze falls upon the shortest of the ghouls. Blue eyes match hungry, mis-matched ones. She quickly looks over the other undead and comes to recognize all of them. "Chrono...Yuuno...Hayate...Vita... What's going on here?" She turns to her friend for her opinion only to find her starting at inhuman eyes.

Fate tilts her head slightly to the side and grins at her friend, revealing large fangs that weren't there before. Her blond hair seemed more frazzled and...did her bust get bigger? Some of the ghouls gathered behind the blond, including Erio and Caro and then...began to dance.

Moving to the left and the right, shuffling and moving in tandem. Nanoha didn't know whether to run in terror screaming or nod along to the mysterious music that came out of no where. What she did know was that, for undead, they were pretty good. Then Fate began to sing again.

'cause this is thriller, thriller night
And no ones gonna save you from the beast about strike
You know its thriller, thriller night
You're fighting for your life inside a killer, thriller

The undead Combat Cyborgs joined in on the dance, shuffling along with Fate and adding in on the chorus to the song.

thriller, thriller night
cause I can thrill you more than any ghost would dare to try
Girl, this is thriller, thriller night
So let me hold you tight and share a killer, diller, chiller
Thriller here tonight

Arms raised, the group danced to the left and to the right. For some reason, that move seemed familiar to Nanoha but she couldn't quite place it...

That this is thriller, thriller night
girl I can thrill you more than any ghost would dare to try
Girl, this is thriller, thriller night
So let me hold you tight and share a killer, diller, chiller

The music vanished as quickly as it had appeared. All the hungry eyes turned upon the only living person amongst them. Having been forced to watch a few zombie movies back on Earth, she knew what they wanted and she really liked her brain. A lot. Bolting down the street towards the first house in sight she took a quick glance behind her. With Fate in the lead, the ghouls were shuffling over, arms raised and moaning in hunger while Fate merely kept pace and grinned to show off her fangs.

From the boarded up windows, the house was abandoned which meant Nanoha didn't feel too bad about forcing her way in and shoving a small love seat inside against the door. Her eyes darted around, the boards on the windows rattling from the ghouls beating against them to gain entry. A loud crack draws her attention to a ghoul breaking through the floor boards. As she backs up, she trips and lands on a couch. Another crash to her right, her eyes falling on Fate climbing through a newly made hole in the wall. The ghouls pour in through the new entryways. Nanoha backs as far as she can against the couch as Fate stands before her. Blue eyes meet burgundy as her friend grins and bares her fangs, leaning over with mouth slowly parting. At this point Nanoha does the only thing she can think of and screams.

"Nanoha?"

She blinks and looks up. Fate was giving her a funny look and...she had no fangs. A quick look around showed that she was on a couch, back at their room on base.

"Are you alright?"

"A-ah. I guess I must have passed out for a moment, nyahaha..."

"Mmm. Well how about we get some sleep? Unless you want to stay on the couch all by yourself..."

It didn't take Nanoha very long to jump to her feet and latch onto Fate's arm. "Yes! Bed sounds nice."

"Alright then."

As the two head off up the stairs, Fate glances back at the twin moons in the evening sky outside their window and grins...exposing her fangs.

[ghazghkull]

I think this might be quite the prudent litmus test for Mary-Sue tests :3

Linkage

[Tempy]

Originally Posted by ghazghkull

I think this might be quite the prudent litmus test for Mary-Sue tests :3

Linkage

Hmm. Noland scored a 16. Yay.

I would also point this one out:

Linkage

Got an 8 with that one :3

[TheShinySword]

Originally Posted by ghazghkull

I think this might be quite the prudent litmus test for Mary-Sue tests :3

Linkage

I wonder if it'd blow up if I selected them all :3

Mary Sue Litmus Test: That's not a sue it's an Uber Sue! Save the children!

[krisslanza]

Originally Posted by ghazghkull

I think this might be quite the prudent litmus test for Mary-Sue tests :3

Linkage

I've taken those. I think all my OCs scored as being Mary-Sue or Uber-Sues.

[Kha]

Originally Posted by Aaron008R

So they like beating each other up during their sparring 'dates', huh...?
>_>

It was a trait Fate picked up from Nanoha, and Kha's always following Fate's lead...

OH SHI--

Originally Posted by Aaron008R

The cat's out of the bag...
<_<

*looks at empty bag*

Erm, what cat?

Originally Posted by Aaron008R

Should have kept my mouth shut!
>_<

That's how Khrack grows.

But to be honest its really difficult to pull that stunt outside of Knight's Garb, and it's not very practical. If ya kicking already, might as well just slice him.

Originally Posted by Aaron008R

In a sense, yes.

I don't like how 7arcs seemingly made Hayate as a helpless solo combatant. But that doesn't necessarily mean that I hate the concept in itself, I just hate the insanely high degree they used the glass cannon nerf-bat. -_-

Being a spellcaster type is a pretty difficult class to be in. But in Hayate's case, she has so much potential in managing to circumvent such. (Potential wasted in StrikerS.) But then, I can at least have my say.:3 And for me, she's quite honestly the most multidimensional of any of the Canon Aces. There's so much untapped character development and possible field dynamics to explore. *holds back another mention of my unspeakable hate for 7arcs* To me, she's the most 'human' and least static of the three. There's also the fact that I just love her occasional bouts of mischievousness that adds a great twist to her Main-character (Though the treatment she receives is even worse compared to side-characters. -_-) mandatory 'nice girl' personality. Oh, and of course I find her more attractive compared to the other two, almost forgot to say it.

I've always had the tendency to have a lot of interest in uncommon stuff. Same applies for the characters I make and how I develop some Canon Characters. Easiest example would be Aurion's device, which is a prosthetic arm. XD

Though some times I may have the tendency to try making my work too radically different whilst at the same time trying to stick as much as possible to Canon...

In any case, I hope I've done relatively well so far...^^;;

Yes you have!

Originally Posted by Aaron008R

EDIT: I just watched Slayers Revolution episode 1. I think I'll be liking the show a lot despite this being the first season I watch in the series. XD

Watching it soon!

Originally Posted by Keroko

We all feel atracted to different things. Kha seems to have gone the most mainstream of us three.

I guess it was how Kha was made. Back in AlternateS, he was designed as the 4th Ace, and so had traits, skills and powers modelled after the others, but geared towards what they lacked (tank, less DPS, healing, buffing-- Hence the Paladin choice). And after learning a few lessons in OC, and adapting for Keroko, Kha became even more entrenched.

It was a really scary adventure, because for the first time, a Ces'rauva was not only a primary character, he was directly affected by major events in the timeline, and rose as a powerful figure in an organization. When all along, Ces'rauva just nudged things along on the side, while the story focused wholly on the main character from the series.

Originally Posted by Keroko

Let me spell it out:

Keroko. Is. Impulsive.

As long as it doesn't involve the lives of people that can't take the amount of punishment she can, what she does has a tendency to register a few key seconds after she did it.

*readjusts aggro balance*

Originally Posted by Evangelion Xgouki

Figured I'd share this here, too :3

Don't ask where this came from because not even I know...

Spoiler for Bump in the Night:

She could see it getting closer.

She didn't know what it was, only able to get a quick glance at it before sprinting away. But that quick glance was all she needed to know what it was something she wanted to be around. Whatever it was...it wasn't human anymore or maybe never was. Her eyes darted around the dark, unsure of where it went...or where it was coming from. Even with all her years of experience and missions in the field against criminals of all degrees Nanoha was scared. No, she was terrified. She was boxed in on all sides with no where to run. The silence wasn't helping much either. You'd think something of that size would make some noise while moving around. Maybe...maybe it went away. Yea, she was getting all worked up over it, right? The snap of a branch quickly drew her attention to her right. Blue eyes darted left and right through the darkness. Nothing. By now her heart was pounding in her chest, palms damp. Was it still here? She tried to swallow the lump in her throat, eyes looking straight ahead...

GRAHHH!!

And a scream escaped from her lips as the creature lunged forward, as well as from most of the people in the theater. Next to her, Fate grinned slightly as she watched the creature chase after the heroine on the screen. Her attention switches over to the girl clutching onto her arm.

"Something wrong, Nanoha?"

The brunette tightens her grip on the sleeve. "Mou...can we get out of here, Fate-chan?"

"But why? It's starting to get good."

"I knew I shouldn't have let you pick the mov-"

Her sentence is cut off as another scream escapes her lips as the creature leaps from around a corner on the screen, sharp fang exposed and dripping with fluids. That was all she could handle. Nanoha quickly got to her feet and scooted past the people to reach the aisle and that wonderful exit sign in the back. Watching her exit the theater, Fate sighed and reluctantly made her way to the exit as well.

Outside of the theater, she found her friend hugging herself and warily glancing around. As it was a monster flick, the sun had long finished its journey across the Mid Childa sky for that day. Light posts illuminated the dark street the best they could, but even with the twin moon above the darkness still held dominion over most of the city.

"Oh, come on Nanoha. It was just a movie."

Hearing Fate coming up towards her, Nanoha took that as the cue to start walking back to base. "You know that I don't like those kinds of movies, Fate-chan."

"You've dived head-first into abandoned ruins, staked out criminals in jungles infested with hundreds of alien creatures, and engaged unknown threats without batting an eye. Yet the Ace of Aces can't sit through a single monster flick?"

"That's different." She retorts with a light blush of embarrassment. "They're not the same thing..."

"Oh fine." Fate sighs. "You knew I've been looking forward to this movie for some time now. It was your fault to let me pick just as it came out, you know?"

"Mou...let's just get home."

Fate chuckled to herself and jogged to catch up to her friend.

Its close to midnight and something evils lurking in the dark
Under the moonlight you see a sight that almost stops your heart
You try to scream but terror takes the sound before you make it
You start to freeze as horror looks you right between the eyes,
You're paralyzed!

Nanoha shook her head as Fate walked/skipped next to her. What an odd time to start singing...

You hear the door slam and realize theres nowhere left to run
You feel the cold hand and wonder if you'll ever see the sun
You close your eyes and hope that this is just imagination, girl
But all the while you hear the creature creepin' up behind
You're out of time

She giggles softly as Fate wanders around behind her and lightly grips her shoulder. Before she can turn to face her, she had already let go and made her way in front of her, walking backwards.

They're out to get you, theres demons closing in on every side
They will possess you unless you change the number on your dial
Now is the time for you and I to cuddle close together
All through the night I'll save you from the terror on the screen,
I'll make you see

By now Nanoha had forgotten all about the movie as they skipped together down the dimly lit road, Fate's arm around her neck. She was having so much fun in fact that she barely noticed the foggy graveyard as they walked by...

From behind a large tombstone a familiar face peers out. Smooth, purple locks were not frazzled and covered in dirt. His once pristine, white lab coat was in tatters covered in dirt and other substances. As he watched, a slight grin came to his sunken face, revealing what remained of his teeth before he began to speak...

Darkness falls across the land
The midnight hour is close at hand
Creatures crawl in search of blood
To terrorize yawls neighborhood

The ground around the graves began to shift as something beneath started to stir.

And whosoever shall be found
Without the soul for getting down
Must stand and face the hounds of hell
And rot inside a corpses shell

A thin, bony hand stretched up from the open tomb and slowly pushed the lid aside to grant it access to the world outside. Across the graves below, others of its kind broke free from their earthen tombs and shuffled down to the road in their decomposed clothes.

The foulest stench is in the air
The funk of forty thousand years
And grizzly ghouls from every tomb
Are closing in to seal your doom

On the road a manhole cover was lifted and slid aside, allowing another of their kind to join them on their evening march. This one was shorter than the rest with blond hair and chain dragging behind her.

And though you fight to stay alive
Your body starts to shiver
For no mere mortal can resist
The evil of the thriller

The undead Jail cackles manically, his arms raised above his head. Only to have his right arm fall off and land on the moist soil. He pauses his laughter to stare at his missing limb and shrugs it off before joining the other ghouls in their slow, moaning shuffle down the street. The creatures from the grave catch up to the pair, surrounding them in the isolated street. Hungry moans echo though the evening air as Nanoha and Fate back up to one another. Blue and burgundy eyes dart around at the undead, trying to find a way out.

"Vi-vivio?"

Nanoha's gaze falls upon the shortest of the ghouls. Blue eyes match hungry, mis-matched ones. She quickly looks over the other undead and comes to recognize all of them. "Chrono...Yuuno...Hayate...Vita... What's going on here?" She turns to her friend for her opinion only to find her starting at inhuman eyes.

Fate tilts her head slightly to the side and grins at her friend, revealing large fangs that weren't there before. Her blond hair seemed more frazzled and...did her bust get bigger? Some of the ghouls gathered behind the blond, including Erio and Caro and then...began to dance.

Moving to the left and the right, shuffling and moving in tandem. Nanoha didn't know whether to run in terror screaming or nod along to the mysterious music that came out of no where. What she did know was that, for undead, they were pretty good. Then Fate began to sing again.

'cause this is thriller, thriller night
And no ones gonna save you from the beast about strike
You know its thriller, thriller night
You're fighting for your life inside a killer, thriller

The undead Combat Cyborgs joined in on the dance, shuffling along with Fate and adding in on the chorus to the song.

thriller, thriller night
cause I can thrill you more than any ghost would dare to try
Girl, this is thriller, thriller night
So let me hold you tight and share a killer, diller, chiller
Thriller here tonight

Arms raised, the group danced to the left and to the right. For some reason, that move seemed familiar to Nanoha but she couldn't quite place it...

That this is thriller, thriller night
girl I can thrill you more than any ghost would dare to try
Girl, this is thriller, thriller night
So let me hold you tight and share a killer, diller, chiller

The music vanished as quickly as it had appeared. All the hungry eyes turned upon the only living person amongst them. Having been forced to watch a few zombie movies back on Earth, she knew what they wanted and she really liked her brain. A lot. Bolting down the street towards the first house in sight she took a quick glance behind her. With Fate in the lead, the ghouls were shuffling over, arms raised and moaning in hunger while Fate merely kept pace and grinned to show off her fangs.

From the boarded up windows, the house was abandoned which meant Nanoha didn't feel too bad about forcing her way in and shoving a small love seat inside against the door. Her eyes darted around, the boards on the windows rattling from the ghouls beating against them to gain entry. A loud crack draws her attention to a ghoul breaking through the floor boards. As she backs up, she trips and lands on a couch. Another crash to her right, her eyes falling on Fate climbing through a newly made hole in the wall. The ghouls pour in through the new entryways. Nanoha backs as far as she can against the couch as Fate stands before her. Blue eyes meet burgundy as her friend grins and bares her fangs, leaning over with mouth slowly parting. At this point Nanoha does the only thing she can think of and screams.

"Nanoha?"

She blinks and looks up. Fate was giving her a funny look and...she had no fangs. A quick look around showed that she was on a couch, back at their room on base.

"Are you alright?"

"A-ah. I guess I must have passed out for a moment, nyahaha..."

"Mmm. Well how about we get some sleep? Unless you want to stay on the couch all by yourself..."

It didn't take Nanoha very long to jump to her feet and latch onto Fate's arm. "Yes! Bed sounds nice."

"Alright then."

As the two head off up the stairs, Fate glances back at the twin moons in the evening sky outside their window and grins...exposing her fangs.

AMV parody of Vampire Fate from FF thread much?

Originally Posted by ghazghkull

I think this might be quite the prudent litmus test for Mary-Sue tests :3

Linkage

Doing a quick run through, and I found the majority of my OCs land in the 20s, with the frontliners like Artei, Sophia, and Allie hitting the 30s. But plugging in CCs, the only CC below 40 was those we have little detail of, like the bridge bunnies. Vice is a Mary Sue for his past, and so are the Wolkies. Except Zafira, who's shafting has shielded him from Sueism. Nanoha and Hayate hit the 60s, which was expected.

Basically, the more detail you cram into a character, the higher the OC will climb.

So who's the biggest Mary "CC" Sue? Fate topped off at 74, the only CC to be an Irredeemable.
And needless to guess, the biggest Mary "OC" Sue, is Kha, scoring 81 and probably is the highest score for the whole thread.

Kha and Fate REALLY are meant for each other.

And not just that, this test proved that I only have 1 Mary Sue. Which is good; I wanted a character to fulfill each archetype due to group mechanics, and it was designed to be like that.

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...yeah right. I'm deleting Kha and reroll fully into Sophia. He's hopeless and fundamentally flawed from day 1, ever since I decided to use a German play of my online persona instead of Thomas Kluize. More than 40 points of the score were attributed to changes happening from input in the OC thread itself, and as Kha being a very old character, predating the OC thread itself, the sheer amount of detail into him and the logical extensions of it all blew the results through the roof. Despite all the nerfing for 5th ed, he still scored 80++, due to his naming (20 pts alone), his Holy Belka magic (it's only fixed in StrikerS, which is still wrong), his involvement in Fate's past (major historic event), the Harem Hero archetype. And once again, 40Kism is a curse, though I find glee in that overt militarism is atypical in this universe and would push rational characters higher in Sueism.

[Tempy]

Originally Posted by Kha

Doing a quick run through, and I found the majority of my OCs land in the 20s, with the frontliners like Artei, Sophia, and Allie hitting the 30s. But plugging in CCs, the only CC below 40 was those we have little detail of, like the bridge bunnies. Vice is a Mary Sue for his past, and so are the Wolkies. Except Zafira, who's shafting has shielded him from Sueism. Nanoha and Hayate hit the 60s, which was expected

Basically, the more detail you cram into a character, the higher the OC will climb.

So who's the biggest Mary "CC" Sue? Fate topped off at 74, the only CC to be an Irredeemable.
And needless to guess, the biggest Mary "OC" Sue, is Kha, scoring 81 and probably is the highest score for the whole thread.

Kha and Fate REALLY are meant for each other.

And not just that, this test proved that I only have 1 Mary Sue. Which is good; I wanted a character to fulfill each archetype due to group mechanics, and was design.

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...
...


...yeah right. I should just delete Kha and reroll fully into Sophia. He's hopeless and fundamentally flawed from day 1, ever since I decided to use a German play of my online persona instead of Thomas Kluize. More than 40 points of the score were attributed to changes happening from input in the OC thread itself, and as Kha being a very old character, predating the OC thread itself, the sheer amount of detail into him and the logical extensions of it all blew the results through the roof. Despite all the nerfing for 5th ed, he still scored 80++, due to his naming (20 pts alone), his Holy Belka magic (it's only fixed in StrikerS, which is still wrong), his involvement in Fate's past (major historic event), the Harem Hero archetype. And once again, 40Kism is a curse, though I find glee in that overt militarism is atypical in this universe and would push rational characters higher in Sueism.

There's no escaping the Sue, so I'm following advice in the test and give up. Nanoha hated guys anyway, in fact, the test proves that shafting actually protects them from Sue. I'm sure Goose is rejoicing at this. Thus I go down in flame, oh thy dagger, how sweet thy pain!

Wow. 81. Just... Wow. Yet at the same time... I'm not that surprised

Yeah you blew it out of the water there. Not even my first OC ever scored that high (21), and I've used him ever since I started writing back in 2002. Heck, Noland is a derivative of him.

Man. I'm getting DJ Croft flashbacks now. X_x

*Tempest goes to boil some tea... and maybe his brain to get rid of the bad memories*

[krisslanza]

Let's see... Rune got 66. Aegina is, shockingly, a 42.

And no Kha. I beat you. My first OC ever, Kristena Einhart Dargoth scores... 170.

[ghazghkull]

*throws confetti into the air*

YAY! XD I'm being noticed! Even if it is just because I had posted a Mary-Sue litmus test XD

[TheShinySword]

Who is this Ghaz person who keeps speaking?


(Just kidding Ghaz we pay attention to you not that often but we definitely do)

Btw I'm leaving you guys all with this

Spoiler for RebelS profile: Falling Soul:

Device Data… Loaded.

Falling Soul the Obnoxious Glaive
Master: Vivio H. Takamachi
AI: Male
Paint Color: Dark Orange
Civilian Form: Small orange cube that fits onto a bracelet on Vivio’s arm
Quote: “[As long as you’re an idiot Vi, I’ll be here to save you]”

Falling Soul was created by Shario Finieno and was the prototype for a line of highly advanced AI systems, a fact that he is very very proud of (and reminds Vivio of constantly). He was created in the year MC 83 and given to his current owner Vivio H. Takamachi as a 13th birthday present. He did not go through basic training with Vivio, as that happened the year before his creation, he’s always eager to point out it would have been much more enjoyable with him around.

Personality: He tries his best to keep Vivio down to Earth, he’s well aware of the raw talent his master has but also knows that all the talent in the world won’t help her if she doesn’t keep focused. Most people or devices would decide the best plan of action would be to encourage her and gently nudge her in the right direction. Yeah too bad Falling Soul isn’t like that. Falling Soul decided to take the direct approach and just be as snarky as possible and remind Vivio that she’s still a kid and he’s smarter. It doesn’t help that Shari spoils him whenever she’s working on his repairs. The only person he seems to respect is Syn and only because she knows exactly what to do to rile him up.

He’s also very prideful, as a device with an advanced AI he sometimes believes that makes him better then older models (who he calls old timers) occasionally one of these models will tell him off and he’ll become a quiet moody device. If anyone insults him he’ll get haughty and defensive or just order Vivio to blow them up.

Appearance:

Glaive form: His normal form. The pole is about as long Vivio’s body and orange. The crescent blade on the top is about as long as Vivio’s forearm and is a lovely shade of black. His cartage loader is on the pole but due to advances in technology it’s not nearly as hulking as the ones on older devices. In this form Vivio is much more focused on mid-ranged magic. While the crescent shape blade makes stabbing impossible it provides an area for Vivio to contain and charge her magic.

Sword and Shield form: The blade of glaive form turns into a black buckler shield (the small round ones) while the pole turns into an orange arming sword (about 3 feet long). This form allows Vivio to show off the melee skills she’s acquired (as well as some of the sword lessons she’s had). Vivio’s prone to throwing the shield part when she gets annoyed. Sometimes though it seems like she’s bringing a knife to a gunfight.


Special Features:

He’s more customized for Vivio then she knows. He’s also able to act as a limiter for her, after all a child shouldn’t be running around with the Saint Kaiser’s power buzzing about them (She had a series of other limiters placed on her before). As a result when she uses Falling Soul her magic comes out orange instead of glowy rainbow. Vivio herself isn’t aware of this feature.

Short profile but he's a device so how long can I make it
Those who hang out in the FFT will recognize him :3. Falling Soul is Vivio's (RebelS version) device. RebelS is the OC fic I have stirring in the FFT (I might start duel posting it over here but the idea still scares me )

[Saint X]

Yessss

We are pretty busy here...

If you want we can share the GDOC document that holds her profile.

To me, Mary-Sue tests are just relative to the creator and hence, somewhat biased- so i don't trust them.

I'd rather use the judgment of other people instead of a standardized test.

But that's just me, because to each his/her own.

[dkellis]

Every time I come across a Mary Sue Litmus Test, I like to run myself through them.

58 points, without checking "Does the character have the same name as you". That brings me, as in Real Life me, to Uber-Sue territory.

[Comartemis]

Hmm... so long as I'm waiting for comments on the Neo-Mid system....

Alex got a 26, but he's not completely developed at present. Let's see here:

Spoiler for Test Results:

Does the character have a name you really, really like?
Yep, Alexander has a couple of cool nicknames you can go by (Alex, Lex, Xander, etc) and it also happens to mean something on the order of "defender of man" in Greek.

Does the character have a nickname or pseudonym?
Ace of Blades, picked up during the A's-StrikerS timeskip.

Are one or more other characters attracted to her/him?
Possibly Hayate, eventually. Nothing specific is in the works at present, though.

Does the character have an unusual eye color, or otherwise exceptional eyes?
Alex's pseudo-demonic (near-human) heritage gives him a pair of Cute Little Fangs, pointed ears and deep red cat-slitted eyes that glow faintly whenever he uses magic or ki, but otherwise affords him no particular advantages besides darkening the colors of his ki and magic circles.

Does the character have angst in the present?
Alex has an ingrained dislike for demons on account of his upbringing in the Saint Church, and the fact that the ancestors of almost his entire race were demons wears on him somewhat, though more in a "something to think about" manner than an "oh noes" manner.

Is the character unusually accomplished for her/his age/species/etc.?
Well yeah, but so are the other Aces. "Child-genius in the magical arts" is practically a prerequisite to keep up with the CCs.

Does the character ever easily learn a difficult skill (e.g. learn to play guitar in a matter of weeks)?
Depends on whether ki manipulation counts as a difficult skill; Alex learns this in a few months instead of years because ki is very similar to a person's own mana pool. The usage of Kanka first comes during the battles with Signum and company, but a lot of this is based on previous experience with internal energy sources, so there are similarities Alex can use to bring his experience with magic into play when using ki and Kanka.

Has the character ever fairly lost in any kind of duel, fight, or competition against someone of equal or lesser ability, where the winner was not the character's rival?
The other Aces can outmaneuver Alex about as often as he can beat them in practice matches once everyone levels out on the power scale after A's.

Is the character the sole or last practitioner of a particular martial art or magic?
Inventor of Neo-Mid? Yup, pretty much the only practitioner of a style still in its' development stages.

Skip the powers list, that's pretty much all standard-issue stuff for Nanoha-canon.

Is the character repeatedly rivalled by the same person?
Odds are good on circumstances turning Signum into Alex's rival while Fate deals with Evangeline throughout A's.

Does the character fall in (reciprocated) love with, or have sex with, a character you would like to fall in love with or have sex with?
Hayate, again, possibly. And that's during StrikerS manga timeline at the earliest.

Is the character someone you would want to be friends with, assuming she/he would be receptive to friendship with you?
Pretty much.

Do you ever wish you could be like the character?
What, you mean would I like to have magical powers and get to fly around smashing bad guys for a living? Fuck yes.

[Wild Goose]

Ninjaposting...

I once ran 3 potential OCs into this. All were haxxed. One was an army officer, a paratrooper, well-known and well-honored officer who lead and planned and assault that 65 years later was still being studied, who was awarded the Distinguished Service Cross. The other was a Marine, a sniper in Vietnam, who was also honored and respected, and known by his nickname, who had a rifle named after him.

Both were considered irredemable sues.

Their names?

Lt. Colonel Richard Winters and Gunnery Sergeant Carlos Hathcock. No more words are nesscesary.

[Comartemis]

How about some words telling us who the hell those guys are? I see nothing in your description to distinguish them from being mary sues in a military setting, not that it really matters all that much; it's not like we judge characters by this thing.