Oh, since Mikoto is most likely 14~15, she's not legally allowed to make out yet, unless Academy City follows the Japanese national law standard (13 years old). Given how paternalist the city is, I wouldn't be surprised if it goes up to Kyoto standards (18 years old) or even perhaps until college.
And you wonder why people over there look at a pillow or pages of hentai as a better sexual partner that a fucking human...
Anyways, I must digress from my generalized hatred for human stupidity to post something meaningless. This was something I wrote sometime ago for a fic that never got off the ground.
Don't want possible lulz to go to waste.
Spoiler for Hamazura Shiage's fuko da:
Kinuhata Saiai’s body stuttered a bit, logy as she extended her arm to the nightstand, taking another sip of water after such a tiresome day. It wasn’t her wish to find herself in a hospital again on such a short notice, but after her fight against Kuroyoru Umidori, she had no choice.
There’s nothing more ironic (or moronic) than thirsting after water right after getting strung up on water tower. The taste of the strong medicine lingering in her had to be washed down, no matter the terrible irony.
The short-haired girl put the glass down, her body sprawled on the plain hospital bed. Kinuhata wasn’t alone here however; members of Team ITEM were there for here, along side a certain Doctor.
“Well, I’d advise you stay put for the night. You should be back on your feet by tomorrow,” the old man with a Gekota-esque face told the Level 4.
“That’s a relief. I don’t think she could survive another day in here,” Mugino Shizuri remarked from the sidelines.
“…Else I might have to super punish Hamazura for being such dummy and getting in such a super mess.” Kinuhata imagined dragging around ITEM’s very own super Hamazura on a dog leash for what had happened. “Where is he anyways?” she asked Takitsubo Rikou.
“Getting stiches apparently,” the girl in the pink sports jacket said.
“Nothing too bad though, a simple sewing,” Frogger cut in, ”he’ll be alright. After all, he’s being attended to by our skilled nurses. That’s the dream of many men—” Suddenly, Heaven Canceller noticed amid his longing for being handled by nurses that the three teenagers were scowling deeply, shadow over their eyes.
“Have I said something tactless…?” he wondered quietly.
Though there was one girl who wasn’t brooding—or mumbling threatening words under her their breath. She was wearing a cute pink dress adorned with white, yet dirty with grime—in such a state due of the events of earlier today. The foreign petite had fluffy blonde hair that reached to her lower shoulders and bore innocent, foreign blue eyes.
Her name was Fremea Seivelun, someone that had been targeted by those bastards called the Freshmen to bring together ITEM’s Hamazura and the monster know as the Accelerator. She was a glaring connection between those two because of their common link to Komaba Ritoku. One had been a good friend; One had killed him and been entrusted with his feelings.
Seemingly, the presently defeated Freshmen had accomplished their goal, as the perceived threat of both Accelerator and Hamazura Shiage uniting had come true, not to mention Kamijou Touma returning in the nick of time. The individual negotiations of Accelerator and Hamazura with the Board of Directors would probably not stand much longer, if they even still did.
But Hamazura, who wasn’t there and being handled by young and skillful nurses, hadn’t had the time to talk about such matters yet.
When ITEM had finally found Hamazura, the inevitability of that coming up again was…inevitable.
...
*****
...
In an alley stood three teenage girls. They belonged to an organization that was formerly a part of Academy City’s Dark Side—ITEM.
As its leader was a refined, gorgeous, proper Ojou-sama with a knack for stylish clothes named Mugino Shizuri. By many standards—and certainly any hormonal run-of-the-mill High school boy—she could win many prestigious pageants without even as much trying.
What’s more surprising is that she is a girl that is a missing an arm and eye, yet was able to look so beautiful and untouched due to special cosmetics. In place of those missing limbs, however, are cybernetics. As of now, a fine cable is extending from Mugino’s artificial eye, plugged into a security camera that was wirelessly linked to numerous others throughout the City of Science. The data stream of images entered her brain, but she hadn’t found the person she was stalking yet.
Besides Mugino was a spent and sore Kinuhata Saiai, supported by the meek Takitsubo Rikou—who was, ironically, usually the one in such a situation. Kinuhata had lost in a fight against her Kouhai of the Dark May Project and it was only thanks to her Offense Armor that she had survived without major injuries. She had told her teammates everything she knew and what had happened. They were now seeking out the last member of ITEM, who had gotten himself in a lot of trouble from the looks of it.
“Geez,” Kinuhata croaked weakly, “super Hamazura has done it this time. I’m sorry I couldn’t help him, Takitsubo-san.”
“It’s okay,” Takitsubo’s feet were unsteady as she supported her friend upward.
Mugino’s natural eye closed and reviewed the data stream she had accesed. She spoke up amid that.
“Found him,” she said. “You were right about Accelerator. He’s with Hamazura. And there’s some other guys…” Mugino’s expression turned to puzzlement when she saw something else. “…And there’s that Elementary schoolgirl from before clinging to Hamazura.” Mugino’s brow creased. “Where have I seen her before…?”
“Oh, don’t tell me super Hamazura managed to expend his super har— AIIIEEE!-! Takitsubo-san, why are you pinching the feeble me!-?”
Mugino let them fool around while she gathered more information.
“They’re in the 7th School District, near the hospital.” Mugino retracted the cable back into her eye, snapping it out of the security camera. The eye resumed its more basic, human purpose.
“I super don’t know why Accelerator would be around Hamazura.”
“He’s that albino man, isn’t he?” asked Takitsubo. Mugino and Kinuhata nodded. “Then he’s the one who saved me and Hamazura from Academy City back in Russia…”
Her two comrades whistled in amazement. From what they knew about the guy, that wasn’t in Accelerator’s character. It especially struck Kinuhata, since she knew his way of thinking inside-out because it was invoked when she used her powers. As in, Accelerator’s thought patterns end up affecting Kinuhata’s own personality when she uses Offense Armor. When she isn’t however, Number One’s cognitive data effects on her conduct are frivolous. Unlike her Kouhai, she did not let it go rampant.
Or maybe Kuroyoru’s just didn’t know how to control it; she wasn’t the Honor Student for a reason.
Kinuhata tried to let go of Takitsubo’s support and managed to stand on her own, balancing out her own weight. Her knees buckled but she assured she would be okay until they get to Hamazura.
“C’mon, super lead the way Mugino.”
…
…
…
After exchanging phone numbers at Accelerator’s unlikely request (Misaka Worst’s taunting being his secret motivation), and discussing certain things among themselves, the three guys split up and went their own way. Kamijou said that he needed to apologize to many people, just as that pompous Bardway girl had said, with two in particular that were on his mind. Accelerator didn’t say much and offhandedly suggested they should meet up some other time to discuss things further and how to handle the business with the Directors.
They left for their own personal troubles, and Hamazura found himself alone with Fremea, wandering.
“Essentially…where are we going now?”
The former Skill-Out was checking the messages on his phone. He had one from Hanzou and Kuruwa each. Although, that didn’t explain the pile of messages that filled his inbox.
They had been sent by his ITEM teammates. He had been too busy to feel his phone vibrating in his pocket, so they stacked up over a period of time. It gave out a clear timeline of today’s events. From the beginning of the “Super Hamazura Search” to now.
In fact, there was a text that had been sent just a minute ago by Saiai.
It read: “Mb ur not on, but super Mugi in Yan mode :3. Comin 2 get u~”
Good old Kinuhata never changes. Still, hearing that Mugino was probably pissed off made him grit his teeth.
Damn, how am I going to explain all this?
Frankly, he didn’t know what kind of ass pull would convince them that nothing is wrong. This entire mess regarding Fremea, he considered it his own problem. Wrapping up ITEM in it wasn’t something he wanted.
But was he entitled to selfishly decide that by himself? That was the question that bugged him.
Faced with the circumstances, this wasn’t something he could handle by himself.
Responding to Fremea, Hamazura told her that there was some people she should meet. People that were her big sister’s friends. Of course, he left some details about who they were. He also had to watch out how he spoke of Frenda. For all this girl knew, Leader Komaba and Frenda had merely “disappeared.” She didn’t know they were dead. Dead and buried.
Hamazura couldn’t bring himself to tell her…
Who could, really?
He couldn’t bring himself to tell her than that white-haired bastard had killed Komaba; nor would he be able to tell her Mugino had done her sister in—nd that he saw the results with his own two eyes.
Each time he spoke of Frenda, those images kept on popping back.
The time where Mugino Shizuri was a monster on a leash for the Higher-ups.
Hamazura wondered what kind of reaction she would show. ITEM went to Frenda’s grave today. Mugino’s cheeks hadn’t reddened from tears of guilt, but he could tell what she truly wanted. Even if she didn’t shed a tear on Frenda’s grave, the guilt was surely there—ven an imature prick like him felt it.
What she wanted a sort of redemption for what had happened during the battle between the underground organizations. I didn’t have to be big. Just something to latch onto and work from there.
…If she wants that… Then…
Speaking of the devil, a lot sooner than Hamazura expected, Mugino—followed closely by Kinuhata and Takitsubo—came out rushing from a street corner. Trying to take on a modest posture, Hamazura stifled his nervousness and swallowed in an audible gulp.
“Oh, so I guess the Hamazura Search is a draw and—”
“Hamazura.” The three girls had a clear shadow line over their eyes as they stood before him and Fremea.
“Well, I think it’s better that way because I don’t think a bunny-girl would—”
“Hamazura Shiage.” They parroted with an accusing voice.
Understanding that they weren’t buying his acting, Hamazura let his shoulders and head droop.
“Uh… How should I—”
“We know about the Freshmen and that you got yourself in big trouble, so stop your blabbering.” Mugino chimed in a patronizing tone.
Hamazura realized that keeping things secret wasn’t an option. He sometimes forgot how resourceful Mugino could be—she not a Level 5 for nothing.
Faced with Hamazura’s muteness, the girls sighed softly. “Look, you’ve got things to explain. We know some things but not all. And there are things that are bothering as well. Like, oh, I don’t know… You being around the freaking Accelerator?” Mugino glared at Hamazura—half-amazed, half-annoyed. “…But honestly,” her voice took on a more natural tone, “I think you at least deserve a rest before that. All that dirt on you speaks volumes. ” The rich Ojou pointed at the girl in the beige wool dress behind her. “Seriously, you look even worse off that Kinuhata over here. And she’s practically dragging herself because of that Freshmen brat.”
The blond guy in the brown hoodie narrowed his eyes. “Kinuhata…You fought Kuroyoru?”
The receiver of those words shook her head up and down, sharing Hamazura’s weary expression. “A super Senpai and Honor Student like me has to keep her notes higher than her Kouhai… But she super cheated on today’s exam with those hundreds of little cyborg arms. Well, she was always super rebellious against the rules and stuff.”
While she elaborated on her connection to Kuroyoru, Mugino shifted her attention to…that certain little girl that badgered at her thoughts. She was tugging at Hamazura’s clothes, gawking at the girls of ITEM. She probably felt intimidated. Mugino gawked back, making the girl divert her eyes.
Those clear blue eyes…
Those playful blue eyes…
…
It then all snapped in place like pieces of a twisted puzzle.
When she realized who this girl was—or at the very least what she appeared to be—Mugino’s eyes flashed. In a brief moment, her throat went dry and a terrible knot formed in her stomach. It gripped her savagely, creeping through her body. Hamazura diverted from talking to Kinuhata after catching on. Mugino took a gander at Hamazura for no reason other than not scaring this little girl with the grimace on her features. He didn’t do anything but give a firm nod, as to confirm what she was thinking.
Takitsubo, who had been standing on Mugino’s left, stepped forward to give her boyfriend an endearing hug. It hurt a little because of little wounds underneath his clothes, but it was well worth that.
“I’m glad you’re okay, Hamazura…” Takitsubo smiled, resting in his arms that returned her embrace. “I was scared when we couldn’t get through to you.”
“I’m sorry. I was too… Well, I’ll tell you later, okay?”
“Yeah…” The girl clad in a pink tracksuit let go. She then glanced down to the little girl besides him. “Hamazura… Who is this girl…?”
Instead of Hamazura answering, the short girl with the red beret spoke up while shifting back and forth between ITEM’s faces, batting her lashes.
“Essentially… You’re all friends with Onee-chan, right?”
That was all it took. Those simple words suppressed any words that wanted to erupt from Mugino’s soul. It left a sulky taste in everyone’s mouth, like saltwater. Mugino didn’t say anything. Neither did Hamazura and Takitsubo. There was an air thick as butter around those five individuals. What was needed was a knife to cut through.
This knife was Kinuhata-chiyan.
“Yes, we super are,” Kinuhata solemnly swore. “I’m Kinuhata Saiai. The girl in the pink jacket is Takitsubo Rikou and…the super pouting one is Mugino Shizuri. So, what’s your name?”
“Fremea,” the girl said without hesitation.
“Say, Hamazura… What are going to do with her? I super don’t know her situation and stuff, but does she have a place to stay at?”
“I…” He shrugged stupidly. “I actually hadn’t thought of that.”
Hamazura didn’t mention that he had when that Bardway girl proposed to take her in. She seemed naturally attracted to Fremea because she reminded her of her little sister Patricia.
But Hamazura promptly declined—he couldn’t entrust Fremea’s safety to a total stranger who was a magician. Plus, she wanted to stay as close to him as the situation allowed.
Now, he had no idea what to do. He could take her to his own place, it was big enough. Though was that good enough for her? His residence wasn’t in a nice part of the city. Not to mention how it was a disaster area that comes with being a delinquent.
“Fremea-chan,” Kinuhata crouched down to the petite, “do you like super B movies?”
“B movies? Essentially, it’s been a long time I’ve seen one. All the ones I want to see are…” Fremea trailed off, twiddling her thumbs before letting it go. “…rated R18.”
“You mean like Revenge of the Blood Sucking Squid? I super rented that for myself later tonight.”
“…!” Fremea’s eyes lit up at that moment. “That sounds awesome!”
What resulted afterwards was a back and forth of nonsense that nobody else could possibly understand—not even a certain blue-haired guy with piercings. Hamazura and Takitsubo fell silent due to the mere overload of asininity stemming from those two, and the fact that an innocent-looking girl like this had such a taste for blood and destruction.
“Ha! I’ve finally found someone that super appreciates low-budget art!”
“Essentially what she said!”
The two danced in circles. Basically, like Frenda would say, this was the start of Saiai’s and Fremea’s friendship over this very stupid love for bad and cheesy movies.
“Hamazura, I have to super take her home with me~! We can watch super movies all night long~!”
“WHAAAT?-!” He hung his mouth open in shock. “I don’t think leaving her in your care even if it’s for one night will end up very well! Aren’t you hurt anyway?-!“
Then the King of the End of the Century noticed… Fremea was staring at him intently, stars sparkling in her eyes. She took on the cutest pose possible, trembling with excitement. He itched to take a picture of her face right now.
But super Hamazura has other things to worry about.
Notably his sanity.
“Pwease, pwease, pweaseeee!” she squeaked. “Essentially, I want to be with someone less stern that lets Fremea enjoy things like ‘Blood & Destroy’ and not force green peas down her throat!”
“UWWWWHAAAAAAHH!-? You want this too!-? And what did you just say about me?-!”
Hamazura flinched, felling his pride had been squashed like an ant. Completely taken aback by how Fremea suddenly decided that it was okay to ditch him just because he refused her certain things back at that District 3 salon, dejection rose in his soul.
“What’s with your super resistance, Shiage-kun?” enquired Kinuhata while taking on a pose herself, stroking Fremea’s shoulders. “She needs a super proper place to sleep at, right? I doubt she want to stay at your super smelly place. Yuck~”
“HEY!” The accused jabbed his index at the accuser. “It might be messy, but it doesn’t smell! I will not endure those baseless accusations!-!” affirmed the King of the End of the Century amid gritted teeth.
The self-described B movie maniac’s face went blank for a moment. Then, she pondered out loud while stroking her chin. “Takitsubo, it appears your super boyfriend has turned for the super worst… He really want Fremea-chan near him… I never figured he would seriously expand his super harem in such a direction.”
“HOW COULD YOU EVEN SUGGEST OR THINK THAAAAAAAAAAAT!-?” screamed a desperate Hamazura, who clawed as his unruly hair.
“See Fremea-chan? This is the true super Hamazura at work.”
“Wow, you’re right,” she gaped slightly, bringing her hand to her mouth. “Basically, you’re disgusting, Hamazura.”
“DON’T SAY THE SAME THING AS FRE-NDAAAAAAAAAA!”
“Don’t worry Hamazura,” reassured Takitsubo, “I trust you won’t do such a thing.”
“GWUAAAAAAHHHH!”
Hamazura was quickly losing his last bit of remaining sanity.
A certain boy’s combination of two certain words—which had been uttered about 17 times within his presence today, due to that pompous Bardway’s antics—emerged in his scrambled mind.
“Such…misfortune…!”
__________________
The One Who Has Snuffed God's Crack.
Believer of the Great Sumeragi.
One Does Not Simply Make Touma A Good Protagonist ~ The Truth.
"Kyon has set his 'enemy that must be defeated' to be 'bad writing' of the world. The more there is, the stronger his Holy Crack " ~ Chaos2Frozen.
too young to make out? How conservative is your home country?
Alright, I thought you meant too young for a physically relationship, and frankly, that's debateable. I know girls who lost their virginity at that age, so physically, it would be a go. 2 years difference between the two lovers is fine too.
Legally, yeah, she is too young, but as long as her parner is in the same age range no one is going to say anything. I know in my country, if two 14 year old started going at it like rabbits, they may not get the most approving of looks, but no one is going to call the cops. And, well, a two year age difference isn't too big. If the partner was 18 though, that's a different story.
But as a character, as Misaka... yeah, Misaka would never in her right mind do anything sexual with Touma further than kissing, at least not for awhile. But that is part of the point. Misaka is nuts here.
I see her process as being sort of like this...
Losing Touma devestated her, and alot of her time is spent pining for him and regretting all the lost time and things they never did but could have done if she'd confessed.
Hand holding and dates are what she would fantasise about first, eventually followed by kissing, and then beyond. As a teenager, her thoughts would be, eventually, drawn more and more to the beyond part.
Lonelyness + growing desires + insanity + girl in a dress = well, this.
If it makes you feel any better, what happens beyond the Fade to Black part is up to your imagination.
If you want to, you can believe that after a mere hot and heavy make out session, Misaka proceeds to keep Girl in the Dress (and therefore Touma) at her side at all times, or GitD will be killed/tortured for trying to take Touma away by either trying to run or by turning off her power, until she continues being Touma and doing all the things that she and Touma would eventually do, such as dating, kissing, meet the parents, marriage and all the other things couples do. Against GitD's wishes of course. Yes, you can believe that if you want.
Or you can believe that Misaka raped GitD in an alleyway.
There is no legal age to 'making out' since it's just kissing, but I'm almost certain what she meant was that at the age of 14-15, Mikoto's not legal to have sex just like every other kid in every other country in the world.
Anyways, I must digress from my generalized hatred for human stupidity to post something meaningless. This was something I wrote sometime ago for a fic that never got off the ground.
On a more serious note, I’ve recently finished another Light Novel series… and bluntly put, it was depressing. (details in spoiler below)
Spoiler for A good series, but very dark:
Basically, God is evil and decided to erase humanity like we would do to a game we built up and delibrately breaking it to see what happens - kinda like SimCity? It depicted a world of sadness and death, of betrayal and despair. Angels descended in droves, wiping out humanity and toyed with those that had the courage to fight and keep living.
It's a world where one boy was broken and breaking others, where he was pushed into a situation one has to kill in order to love, and the other has to love in order to kill. Doomed to be immortal, he became the Omega that is fated to be last human left alive and act as the witness to the destruction to the end of the world. The only way left for him to die and to save everyone is to have the person he loves end him with her own hands, but trying to defy fate and save the world only brought him and all around him into pain and heartbreak each and every time.
And it gets worse from there.
Now, the story was GOOD and very well written. But that doesn't change the fact it was also horribly messed up and shown just as much of the darkness of humanity as the kindness and perseverance within human race. The ending, I'll leave it unspoken just in case anyone is reading it or wants to read it.
The novel is named [杀×爱], which literally means literally [Kill x Love] (I have no idea if that's the English name), by someone named 风见周. There's a harem manga sequel to what comes after 'good end' of the LNs, but I can't seem to find it at where I normally find my other manga/LNs.
If someone can direct me to where that manga is that would be appreciated
And so what does that have to do with a fanfic thread? Well, I’ve decided to write some crack to get over the down mood, and here’s what I ended up creating.
Don’t read this if you haven’t read the most recent chapter of ‘Minds, Memories and Misfortune’.
Spoiler for OMAKE:
As Touma flew across from the flaming wall, a BGM can almost be heard descending from the heavens:
I’m too sexy for my shirt…
As he dropped down, he realised that yes, his shirt is indeed on fire.
So sexy it hurts…
As he negated a lightning bolt from the bullet he just landed on with his right hand, his left hastily ripped off the clothing that has flames quickly spreading over it, and before it left burns on his body. Many girls gasped as they took in Kamijou Touma’s bare torso, one that though not bulging with muscles it was still lean and fit like one befitting of his endurance, appeared before their eyes. Shreds of clothing, some of it blackened by fire, floated away from him by the wind that his speed gave him as he continued to run towards them.
Not paying attention to his current state of undress, Touma continued his charge. No way is he going pause because of embarrassment from losing just his top and then get himself blown away by the incoming barrage.
Besides, it’s not he has anything to hide on his body. Memories, or the lack of them, cannot be known through merely a shirtless moment.
And I’m too sexy for your party…
Every pair of eyes on Tokiwadai’s side is fixated on him, and not just because he is the enemy that he trying to break through right now. Many girls paid attention to how sweat from his exertion ran down his body, and how his chest raises up and down from his heavy breathing.
Somewhere among them, a girl gulped at the sight in front of her.
And I do my little turn on the catwalk…
Touma dodged against projectiles, flourishing his right hand against a incoming bullet in the process.
There wasn’t much distance left between him and the pole he is aiming for.
… Love’s going to leave me.
Abruptly, the music stopped.
And so did the flow of missiles that tried to blow him off his feet.
Barely a second later, Misaka Mikoto rushed out to intercept him, to prevent him from knocking down one of the poles. Her method, however, was not the lightning strike many were expecting.
With a flying tackle that would have put Kuroko's own ones towards her to shame, Mikoto flew into him and pressed her lips onto his.
*rest of omake sadly turned into a deep kiss and then the rest of the Tokiwadai girls pounced onto Touma and wanted a piece of him, resulting in a major catfight brawl. Not something that can be posted on a public forum, I think *
---
I wrote this Omake because I wanted to create something that would make Emiya Shirou’s BAR weep in despair compared to its awesomeness. A flaming wall to surpass is much more manly than doing the same to some metal poles, after all.
The illusion of an impassable wall was broken. Nothing trumps the Kami-yan disease.
NOTHING.
Oh, and Top That If You Can, Mr.Kyon - I think I need another snippet of crack to cure my mood
And consider this a offering to your Holy Crack, and as a testament of how badly I’m affected by it.
Spoiler for Hamazura Shiage an "Irregular factor"? Not rly...:
Near A Certain Vending Machine—7116 to be exact—there I was, gaping in desperation.
Why is that? Well, this fucking piece of crap ate my money—a 10000 yen bill! What is this shit? Academy City can create espers, the mightiest military machines on Earth, redefine scientific paradigms, yet those fucking baboons can’t craft a vending machine that works right?-!
Do I look like an idiot, damn Board of Directors and Aleister? Fuck you! This is a conspiracy set up to fund your black projects, isn’t it? Stealing from students to bankroll another Accelerator-type atrocity, aren’t you? Are you so mathematically illiterate that you managed to waste all your pocket money on surplus HsAFH-11, HsB-02 or HsPS-15?-!
Well, up yours! Not happenin’! I shot that fucking dumbass machine with my fucking revolver of AWESOME and took my fucking coffee can AND—!
Well, what do you think I did with it?
Yes, I shoved it up straight in my body’s fridge—my arse. It’s a survival technique Teddy Roosevelt taught me in a dream, the same in which I woke up from with a sore ass.
I’m not gay, by the way. It might sound like that; like I banged some dude named Florence the very same night I had that dream, but as the vending machine demonstrated, science has long ways to go to explain certain things.
And, before I hear you going “Oh, Kihara-kun, that was, well, crazy”, then I’ve got news for you.
That machine was racist. That’s right, I’m part Japanese, part Chinese. There’s a difference, one is—
Ah, fuck it. The little pissant was taunting me! My family’s pride was at stake here!
…Okay, maybe going on a rampage and shooting up another 50 machines in the money slit wasn’t very smart of me. That’d be like if I declare all Highlander fans evil because they happen to like a series with Highlander 2: The Quickening in it—something worse than Hitler, Stalin and Hello Kitty combined, by the way.
…I concede that shooting down the belts—and thus, the pants—of those Judgement kiddos, revealing their little faggy pink undies with the bright unicorns that are frotting their horns, spewing rainbows over their friend’s faces in such a way that my cousin’s fujoshi tendencies are chaste, wasn’t the best idea I had. No, that would my brilliant idea regarding Kakine Teitoku’s brain and that grizzly bear (you know it would be awesome!).
…I even am willing to admit that I might be high right now—probably on life and gunpowder smoke. Totally not that crippling high-caliber hemp addiction that I’ve been having ever since I realized I sniffed my father’s ashes when woke up in my mother’s hallowed grave. And that I ate her. With a side of Manwich.
…I may have also forgotten to take my pills today, but it doesn’t matter because I’M FUCKING AWESOME!
Wait, I’m not awesome. Would an awesome bro be hiding in a dumpster, running away from some hybrid between a woman and a spartan?
No, sounds like a pissant to me.
And you know what that means…
By that logic, I should shoot myself.
Well, had a good run I guess.
Final words: Final word is for pussies, and red-eyed albinos with cute asses.
…
…
…
Wait, what was I thinking again?
Oh, right, I’m covered in crud like after being hit by a Tsunami head-on. BOOM! Fuck political correctness, I have a gun which I can blow and have secret fuck fantasies about my favorite Final Fantasy characters with!
Except Tidus, that would be gay.
And Squall.
In fact, forget Final Fantasy.
And the blow.
Okay, I’ll keep the blow in mind.
…
Oh God, what the hell have I been doing?
Oh craaap, I think the stuff that shady guy sold me was too strong.
I’ve gone too far this time. I just wanted to forget that my life had no meaning, that’s all.
Sigh.
Should I get out of this shit-encrusted dump and surrender myself? That spartan lady is probably waiting to shove a baton up my ass. Not that’d I’d mind but—
Ah, fuck it. I should call up Nayuta and plead insanity. Maybe a mock execution as a slap on the wrist.
Yep, I should be doing that…
I should.
But…
…
…
…
…I could go take a PISS-ON-THE-WINDOWLESS-BUILDING-FUCK-YEAH!
No, wait…!
PISS AND DUMP!
Then I’m going to shove that up my nose.
And smoke it.
I am such a genius.
*****
Around Academy City Kamijou Touma, Accelerator and Hamazura Shiage felt a darn cold shiver up their spine.
An irregular factor ever more dangerous that Hamazura Shiage in terms of screwing Aleister Crowley’s plans was going to throw the City of Science in imminent chaos.
In the outskirts of Academy City, a dark and shady figure smirked.
He who had been a Majin, Otteinus, had sown the seed for the fall of the Science side, and the Wickedest Man in the World along with it.
“Aleister, you have been deceived. Your magic and science has shown its age and limit. Ollerus might have banished me from the corporal world, but I live on! You, foolish old man, could not detect my entry in your soon-to-be ‘Artificial Heaven’. And for that, you will fall…without grace, without mercy. Your life’s work shall crumble before you. Something that cannot be quantified, rationalized with or understood will do what dear Laura could never hope to.”
“Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!”
God forgive me if I continue.
...Should I?
My answer to wtf that was:
Quote:
Everything you know is wrong
Black is white, up is down and short is long
And everything you used to think was so important
Doesn't really matter anymore
Because the simple fact remains that
Everything you know is wrong
Just forget the words and sing along
All you need to understand is
Everything you know is wrong
Everything you know is wrong
__________________
The One Who Has Snuffed God's Crack.
Believer of the Great Sumeragi.
One Does Not Simply Make Touma A Good Protagonist ~ The Truth.
"Kyon has set his 'enemy that must be defeated' to be 'bad writing' of the world. The more there is, the stronger his Holy Crack " ~ Chaos2Frozen.
Spoiler for Hamazura Shiage an "Irregular factor"? Not rly...:
Near A Certain Vending Machine—7116 to be exact—there I was, gaping in desperation.
Why is that? Well, this fucking piece of crap ate my money—a 10000 yen bill! What is this shit? Academy City can create espers, the mightiest military machines on Earth, redefine scientific paradigms, yet those fucking baboons can’t craft a vending machine that works right?-!
Do I look like an idiot, damn Board of Directors and Aleister? Fuck you! This is a conspiracy set up to fund your black projects, isn’t it? Stealing from students to bankroll another Accelerator-type atrocity, aren’t you? Are you so mathematically illiterate that you managed to waste all your pocket money on surplus HsAFH-11, HsB-02 or HsPS-15?-!
Well, up yours! Not happenin’! I shot that fucking dumbass machine with my fucking revolver of AWESOME and took my fucking coffee can AND—!
Well, what do you think I did with it?
Yes, I shoved it up straight in my body’s fridge—my arse. It’s a survival technique Teddy Roosevelt taught me in a dream, the same in which I woke up from with a sore ass.
I’m not gay, by the way. It might sound like that; like I banged some dude named Florence the very same night I had that dream, but as the vending machine demonstrated, science has long ways to go to explain certain things.
And, before I hear you going “Oh, Kihara-kun, that was, well, crazy”, then I’ve got news for you.
That machine was racist. That’s right, I’m part Japanese, part Chinese. There’s a difference, one is—
Ah, fuck it. The little pissant was taunting me! My family’s pride was at stake here!
…Okay, maybe going on a rampage and shooting up another 50 machines in the money slit wasn’t very smart of me. That’d be like if I declare all Highlander fans evil because they happen to like a series with Highlander 2: The Quickening in it—something worse than Hitler, Stalin and Hello Kitty combined, by the way.
…I concede that shooting down the belts—and thus, the pants—of those Judgement kiddos, revealing their little faggy pink undies with the bright unicorns that are frotting their horns, spewing rainbows over their friend’s faces in such a way that my cousin’s fujoshi tendencies are chaste, wasn’t the best idea I had. No, that would my brilliant idea regarding Kakine Teitoku’s brain and that grizzly bear (you know it would be awesome!).
…I even am willing to admit that I might be high right now—probably on life and gunpowder smoke. Totally not that crippling high-caliber hemp addiction that I’ve been having ever since I realized I sniffed my father’s ashes when woke up in my mother’s hallowed grave. And that I ate her. With a side of Manwich.
…I may have also forgotten to take my pills today, but it doesn’t matter because I’M FUCKING AWESOME!
Wait, I’m not awesome. Would an awesome bro be hiding in a dumpster, running away from some hybrid between a woman and a spartan?
No, sounds like a pissant to me.
And you know what that means…
By that logic, I should shoot myself.
Well, had a good run I guess.
Final words: Final word is for pussies, and red-eyed albinos with cute asses.
…
…
…
Wait, what was I thinking again?
Oh, right, I’m covered in crud like after being hit by a Tsunami head-on. BOOM! Fuck political correctness, I have a gun which I can blow and have secret fuck fantasies about my favorite Final Fantasy characters with!
Except Tidus, that would be gay.
And Squall.
In fact, forget Final Fantasy.
And the blow.
Okay, I’ll keep the blow in mind.
…
Oh God, what the hell have I been doing?
Oh craaap, I think the stuff that shady guy sold me was too strong.
I’ve gone too far this time. I just wanted to forget that my life had no meaning, that’s all.
Sigh.
Should I get out of this shit-encrusted dump and surrender myself? That spartan lady is probably waiting to shove a baton up my ass. Not that’d I’d mind but—
Ah, fuck it. I should call up Nayuta and plead insanity. Maybe a mock execution as a slap on the wrist.
Yep, I should be doing that…
I should.
But…
…
…
…
…I could go take a PISS-ON-THE-WINDOWLESS-BUILDING-FUCK-YEAH!
No, wait…!
PISS AND DUMP!
Then I’m going to shove that up my nose.
And smoke it.
I am such a genius.
*****
Around Academy City Kamijou Touma, Accelerator and Hamazura Shiage felt a darn cold shiver up their spine.
An irregular factor ever more dangerous that Hamazura Shiage in terms of screwing Aleister Crowley’s plans was going to throw the City of Science in imminent chaos.
In the outskirts of Academy City, a dark and shady figure smirked.
He who had been a Majin, Otteinus, had sown the seed for the fall of the Science side, and the Wickedest Man in the World along with it.
“Aleister, you have been deceived. Your magic and science has shown its age and limit. Ollerus might have banished me from the corporal world, but I live on! You, foolish old man, could not detect my entry in your soon-to-be ‘Artificial Heaven’. And for that, you will fall…without grace, without mercy. Your life’s work shall crumble before you. Something that cannot be quantified, rationalized with or understood will do what dear Laura could never hope to.”
“Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!”
God forgive me if I continue.
...Should I?
My answer to wtf that was:
...
...
... ... ...
Y'know, I think I have officially just got over by momentarily down mood. My brain had to reboot to comprehend what the hell that I just read.
Spoiler for The wrongest pairing ever (CANNOT BE UNSEEN!):
It hadn't been even a fraction of a second before two shots had been fired.
Accelerator, faced with this stoned-to-death Kihara-kun Junior, had done a simple thing. He reached for the choker electrode on his neck.
However, the revolver in the boy's hand had fired, flawlessly hitting the choker and damaging it -- not to mention another shot that had unsettled his crutch.
"Kuh!" The albino fell abruptly, struggling to stay up even with the servomotors in his cane. The revolver bullet had damaged the choker severely, though Accelerator could still talk with effort.
"So, as I was saying, you are the sole and only reason why my life sucks. I mean, why did you have to kill my father? Now I'm stuck with my raging Oedipus complex for life!"
"Are you fucking serious?!"
"Yes! You know, 'I want to kill my father and hump my mother' thing. Freud knew where it was at!"
"...And he was also on fucking cocaine, you moron!"
"Anddd...? Your point, good sir. As I recall, I just took you down by waving my gun (phallus) at you. And I can about outdo all the stoners in the world right now."
"..."
"Whaaat? You're the one squabbling! Can't we just get this over with so I can eat your heart and gain your strenght?"
"..."
"Fine! Don't talk to me!" The Junior pointed his gun at him, ready to unload a hot fuzz on his face. "It makes little difference!"
"..."
"...Oi, why aren't you going 'Fuckin' Kihara-kuuun! WARRRGGG!' on me?"
Still faced with silence and the limp face-down Accelerator, Kihara-kun Junior started sweating, anxious.
"...Oh no, you didn't drown on air, did ya?! NOOOOO! MY VENGEANCE IS INCOMPLETE! WHAT DO I DOOOO!"
As the boy fell to his knees and cursed himself, Accelerator smirked at the gray pavement.
Since the blond was completely maniacal and irrational, feinting so stupidly seemed to work.
...
Then Accelerator felt his face being lifted. And then a warm, slick thing entering his mouth.
*****
"So let's get this straight," Kihara Nayuta said to a certain Emperor from another dimension.
"Basically, you're saying Onii-chan was tricked into ingesting 'Holy Crack' by a Majin -- a Magic or Demon God. This 'Holy Crack' was stolen from you prior to this incident, and its properties allow the user to warp reality using their drugged-up brain to suit their primal wants. You, Emperor of the Holy Empire of Crack, have come here to absorb this Holy Crack and keep the time continuum from twisting and dimensions&alternate realities from merging. Am I right?"
"Exactly," Mr. Kyon nodded, grumbling a bit, on the lookout for traces of the Holy Crack.
"And you said that in your universe, we are an LN/Anime/Manga series."
"Yeah, and your canon status is desputed."
"Meanies..." She pouted.
"Well, Nayuta-chan, we must find your cousin before things for the worst. The Windowless Building is barely standing after he took a piss on it, and I cannot allow the Science side to fall in favor of others, else that might mean Misaka Worst is in danger."
"Misaka Worst?"
"To put it simply, she becomes the only protagonist after the main protagonists get shot in the face. To think Komoe-sensei is actually Satan... Those fools don't know what hit them..."
"Then we must hurry!"
"Yep. Hopefully things aren't too bad yet... Wait, I'll call my 'friend'."
A few beeps later...
"Chaos~ I'll be home for dinner~ Stopping the end of the world~ Tell Flere that if I don't come back that he send the Army of Crack my way~ I love you in an apron~ Later~"
The phone was stuffed back in the Emperor's coat.
"Right, let's go."
*****
OH GOD, HELP, HE'S ACTUALLY MAKING OUT WITH ME! HE MUST THINK HE'S GIVING MOUTH-TO-MOUTH ME! YOU'RE KILLING ME, YOU BRAT!
__________________
The One Who Has Snuffed God's Crack.
Believer of the Great Sumeragi.
One Does Not Simply Make Touma A Good Protagonist ~ The Truth.
"Kyon has set his 'enemy that must be defeated' to be 'bad writing' of the world. The more there is, the stronger his Holy Crack " ~ Chaos2Frozen.
Spoiler for The wrongest pairing ever (CANNOT BE UNSEEN!):
It hadn't been even a fraction of a second before two shots had been fired.
Accelerator, faced with this stoned-to-death Kihara-kun Junior, had done a simple thing. He reached for the choker electrode on his neck.
However, the revolver in the boy's hand had fired, flawlessly hitting the choker and damaging it -- not to mention another shot that had unsettled his crutch.
"Kuh!" The albino fell abruptly, struggling to stay up even with the servomotors in his cane. The revolver bullet had damaged the choker severely, though Accelerator could still talk with effort.
"So, as I was saying, you are the sole and only reason why my life sucks. I mean, why did you have to kill my father? Now I'm stuck with my raging Oedipus complex for life!"
"Are you fucking serious?!"
"Yes! You know, 'I want to kill my father and hump my mother' thing. Freud knew where it was at!"
"...And he was also on fucking cocaine, you moron!"
"Anddd...? Your point, good sir. As I recall, I just took you down by waving my gun (phallus) at you. And I can about outdo all the stoners in the world right now."
"..."
"Whaaat? You're the one squabbling! Can't we just get this over with so I can eat your heart and gain your strenght?"
"..."
"Fine! Don't talk to me!" The Junior pointed his gun at him, ready to unload a hot fuzz on his face. "It makes little difference!"
"..."
"...Oi, why aren't you going 'Fuckin' Kihara-kuuun! WARRRGGG!' on me?"
Still faced with silence and the limp face-down Accelerator, Kihara-kun Junior started sweating, anxious.
"...Oh no, you didn't drown on air, did ya?! NOOOOO! MY VENGEANCE IS INCOMPLETE! WHAT DO I DOOOO!"
As the boy fell to his knees and cursed himself, Accelerator smirked at the gray pavement.
Since the blond was completely maniacal and irrational, feinting so stupidly seemed to work.
...
Then Accelerator felt his face being lifted. And then a warm, slick thing entering his mouth.
*****
"So let's get this straight," Kihara Nayuta said to a certain Emperor from another dimension.
"Basically, you're saying Onii-chan was tricked into ingesting 'Holy Crack' by a Majin -- a Magic or Demon God. This 'Holy Crack' was stolen from you prior to this incident, and its properties allow the user to warp reality using their drugged-up brain to suit their primal wants. You, Emperor of the Holy Empire of Crack, have come here to absorb this Holy Crack and keep the time continuum from twisting and dimensions&alternate realities from merging. Am I right?"
"Exactly," Mr. Kyon nodded, grumbling a bit, on the lookout for traces of the Holy Crack.
"And you said that in your universe, we are an LN/Anime/Manga series."
"Yeah, and your canon status is desputed."
"Meanies..." She pouted.
"Well, Nayuta-chan, we must find your cousin before things for the worst. The Windowless Building is barely standing after he took a piss on it, and I cannot allow the Science side to fall in favor of others, else that might mean Misaka Worst is in danger."
"Misaka Worst?"
"To put it simply, she becomes the only protagonist after the main protagonists get shot in the face. To think Komoe-sensei is actually Satan... Those fools don't know what hit them..."
"Then we must hurry!"
"Yep. Hopefully things aren't too bad yet... Wait, I'll call my 'friend'."
A few beeps later...
"Chaos~ I'll be home for dinner~ Stopping the end of the world~ Tell Flere that if I don't come back that he send the Army of Crack my way~ I love you in an apron~ Later~"
The phone was stuffed back in the Emperor's coat.
"Right, let's go."
*****
OH GOD, HELP, HE'S ACTUALLY MAKING OUT WITH ME! HE MUST THINK HE'S GIVING MOUTH-TO-MOUTH ME! YOU'RE KILLING ME, YOU BRAT!
Wait.... wouldn't the shot have rendered the defender unable to speak?
Spoiler for The wrongest pairing ever (CANNOT BE UNSEEN!):
It hadn't been even a fraction of a second before two shots had been fired.
Accelerator, faced with this stoned-to-death Kihara-kun Junior, had done a simple thing. He reached for the choker electrode on his neck.
However, the revolver in the boy's hand had fired, flawlessly hitting the choker and damaging it -- not to mention another shot that had unsettled his crutch.
"Kuh!" The albino fell abruptly, struggling to stay up even with the servomotors in his cane. The revolver bullet had damaged the choker severely, though Accelerator could still talk with effort.
"So, as I was saying, you are the sole and only reason why my life sucks. I mean, why did you have to kill my father? Now I'm stuck with my raging Oedipus complex for life!"
"Are you fucking serious?!"
"Yes! You know, 'I want to kill my father and hump my mother' thing. Freud knew where it was at!"
"...And he was also on fucking cocaine, you moron!"
"Anddd...? Your point, good sir. As I recall, I just took you down by waving my gun (phallus) at you. And I can about outdo all the stoners in the world right now."
"..."
"Whaaat? You're the one squabbling! Can't we just get this over with so I can eat your heart and gain your strenght?"
"..."
"Fine! Don't talk to me!" The Junior pointed his gun at him, ready to unload a hot fuzz on his face. "It makes little difference!"
"..."
"...Oi, why aren't you going 'Fuckin' Kihara-kuuun! WARRRGGG!' on me?"
Still faced with silence and the limp face-down Accelerator, Kihara-kun Junior started sweating, anxious.
"...Oh no, you didn't drown on air, did ya?! NOOOOO! MY VENGEANCE IS INCOMPLETE! WHAT DO I DOOOO!"
As the boy fell to his knees and cursed himself, Accelerator smirked at the gray pavement.
Since the blond was completely maniacal and irrational, feinting so stupidly seemed to work.
...
Then Accelerator felt his face being lifted. And then a warm, slick thing entering his mouth.
*****
"So let's get this straight," Kihara Nayuta said to a certain Emperor from another dimension.
"Basically, you're saying Onii-chan was tricked into ingesting 'Holy Crack' by a Majin -- a Magic or Demon God. This 'Holy Crack' was stolen from you prior to this incident, and its properties allow the user to warp reality using their drugged-up brain to suit their primal wants. You, Emperor of the Holy Empire of Crack, have come here to absorb this Holy Crack and keep the time continuum from twisting and dimensions&alternate realities from merging. Am I right?"
"Exactly," Mr. Kyon nodded, grumbling a bit, on the lookout for traces of the Holy Crack.
"And you said that in your universe, we are an LN/Anime/Manga series."
"Yeah, and your canon status is desputed."
"Meanies..." She pouted.
"Well, Nayuta-chan, we must find your cousin before things for the worst. The Windowless Building is barely standing after he took a piss on it, and I cannot allow the Science side to fall in favor of others, else that might mean Misaka Worst is in danger."
"Misaka Worst?"
"To put it simply, she becomes the only protagonist after the main protagonists get shot in the face. To think Komoe-sensei is actually Satan... Those fools don't know what hit them..."
"Then we must hurry!"
"Yep. Hopefully things aren't too bad yet... Wait, I'll call my 'friend'."
A few beeps later...
"Chaos~ I'll be home for dinner~ Stopping the end of the world~ Tell Flere that if I don't come back that he send the Army of Crack my way~ I love you in an apron~ Later~"
The phone was stuffed back in the Emperor's coat.
"Right, let's go."
*****
OH GOD, HELP, HE'S ACTUALLY MAKING OUT WITH ME! HE MUST THINK HE'S GIVING MOUTH-TO-MOUTH ME! YOU'RE KILLING ME, YOU BRAT!
I still haven't written that Kyon/Chaos/Crack-tan threeway for you, have I? I should get writing that- if you want it that is XD
Okay, I've been keeping quiet about this for a long, LONG time... But this whole homosexuality author shipping has been making me rather uncomfortable for a while now...
I mean, I don't mind a good laugh- but at least back in Nanoha it was with a female author or at least a pretty convincing trap!
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
...
Ah crap, you don't suppose they're lurking around here ?
P.S - Erm... I mean... That is not to say that these things happen to me all the time...
2011-07-30, 14:22
" ~ Chaos2Frozen.
*
Author
