Dating

[Nightbat®]

Originally Posted by germanturkey

here's some food for thought. a friend of mine recently said, "its 2011. we ****, then we date."

Well, seems like the time dating was more expensive with less chance of succes than prostitutes is over

[RadiantBeam]

... This isn't fair. Why is my second cousin so attractive?

[Kaijo]

Well, that girl I went out to lunch with awhile back, did eventually end up asking me to this mini-golf fun park place, and I decided to go. Obviously the question of past relationships came up, and what plans for the future might be, so I was honest with her, telling her I didn't quite feel ready to date again, although I wouldn't mind hanging out and having fun like we were doing. I didn't dislike her, and there could be a possibility, but I didn't want to string her along, either.

She was okay with that, so for now, we're just good friends. Takes a load of pressure off my mind. She is attractive and smart, but I really feel I need to get to know someone better before I take any romantic steps. And if she ends up with someone else, I find I'm cool with that, heh.

[whitepearl]

Originally Posted by germanturkey

here's some food for thought. a friend of mine recently said, "its 2011. we ****, then we date." what do you guys think about that statement?

An article I read in 2010 presented something similar to that, saying that couples these days hook-up first.

I feel I'm one of the few who would rather not do it on the first date. That first time with a potential should be something special, not something to waste right off the bat.

Just my opinion.

[SJCrew]

sure, when ppl live close by and get to meet, i'm all for it. well, almost. i still think that its kinda creepy. mmm, you could say i have the same point of view on dating as my friend does on say smoking. he says, to hell with cigarettes, i'll smoke cigars. or, to hell with cheap vodka, i'll drink expensive whisky. dating IRL is the real thing for me, with all the pleasures and all the risks. dating online is taking the all too easy cheap road. it makes ppl more insecure than they already are and doesn't do shit to cure that.
in the end, i guess yeah, whatever works. its just too bizzare for me...
actually, i may register at a dating site and tell you what came of it...would be an interesting expiriment...

I was in the same position as you less than a year ago. Before I knew it, the success stories of online endeavors started to become slightly more commonplace in social dialect. "We actually met on this dating site..." and things of that nature. It's still a strange and bewitching alien to some, and I imagine that's the way it is for you now. It's ok to be skeptical, but we have to accept sooner or later that it's just another way of scanning the playing field.

Of course, you might come to the same conclusion as me upon conducting said experiment and conclude that online dating just isn't for you. But that's probably because we're both at stages in our lives where we haven't experienced enough heartbreak to truly fear the traditional concepts of love and dating. I might get there someday, but for now, meeting a nice girl at my college, coffeeshop, or bookstore is okay. I still have a lot of youth to expend, after all.

An article I read in 2010 presented something similar to that, saying that couples these days hook-up first.

I feel I'm one of the few who would rather not do it on the first date. That first time with a potential should be something special, not something to waste right off the bat.

Just my opinion.

I totally get you. My two cents is that if we keep devaluing sex the way we do in today's society, the side-effects as well as the benefits are going to becomemore prominent. More babies from people who can't afford them, more teens in high school following the crowd and fucking like rabbits, STDs, pregnancies, etc. Keeping your sex life tame is also part of sexual responsibility, though people seem to forget this and adopt the mindset of "doing what you want so long as no one's telling you otherwise."

Some of the older traditions still have meanings in this day and age, it's just that there's so much emphasis on the new way of thinking that we don't stop to try and understand what that way entails and whether or not it's really conductive to leading a fulfilling life. I disagree with a lot of what's being perpetuated as the "modern way of life"; it's just a poorly disguised advocacy of hedonism.

[Flinch]

Originally Posted by SJCrew

I totally get you. My two cents is that if we keep devaluing sex the way we do in today's society, the side-effects as well as the benefits are going to becomemore prominent. More babies from people who can't afford them, more teens in high school following the crowd and fucking like rabbits, STDs, pregnancies, etc. Keeping your sex life tame is also part of sexual responsibility, though people seem to forget this and adopt the mindset of "doing what you want so long as no one's telling you otherwise."

Some of the older traditions still have meanings in this day and age, it's just that there's so much emphasis on the new way of thinking that we don't stop to try and understand what that way entails and whether or not it's really conductive to leading a fulfilling life. I disagree with a lot of what's being perpetuated as the "modern way of life"; it's just a poorly disguised advocacy of hedonism.

Yet, in a society which advocates hedonism, people will live uninhibited lives and be far less productive (economically), which in turn harms those around them. Additionally, living in the moment only works for so long, as eventually, everything will run out, and they'll be left with nothing. As much as I'd be willing to stand back and let the situation unfold in front of them, my tax money will be paying for their "benefits" as they are "economically incapable" of survival without government assistance. I don't know how much people leech off their governments in other countries, but it's rampant in America.

Slightly off topic, my bad. I just felt that I had to voice myself on this one.

[Suomi]

Hurrrrrr.
So I like a guy, and I'm pretty sure he likes me back...I was at his house for a few hours this weekend, and with how things went I was pretty darned sure...we're kinda at the between friends and more stage...
but my friend likes him too, though has said I can do what I want, but she seems to really be flaunting it now, and apparently he said something about the world being more amusing because of her and something else...I'm not gonna quote...but...I kinda wanna slap her because she seems to be going after him now, and she KNOWS I like him...and yeahh

[SJCrew]

Looks like you're going to have to step your game up. Whether or not you end up compromising BFF over this dude depends entirely on how mature you two are willing to act about this. There might even be some 'friendly competition' with a 'no hard feelings' when he makes his decision.

...in a fantasy world where everything is perfect, of course. Unless one of you are willing to back off for the sake of the other, you're almost guaranteed to fight/resent the other person for getting what you want. Since she's already decided she wanted to go cutthroat, fuck up her groove and get what you want at all costs. Be prepared for some bloodshed.

[Huszaro]

Ok, now in the real world, you wait without taking action, you lose. There's always some1 that is going to be jealous, and so that is your choice in how you want to deal with this, no one wants to be in a situation where you'd rather be in pain than your friend, or you feel bad because you made that move.

I've been in plenty of those situations years back where I'd rather let that person go, and every time, I regretted it. If you let yourself be the pushover, if you're indecisive, it just makes things much harder.

Know what you want, if you really want it, go for it, there is no 'kinda' . I don't exactly know every detail, but if you two were hanging out alone, that is indeed a sign he wants more than just 'hangout'. It's hard to know what people want, but once successful often, you can pick it up easily. I wish I could tell you more, but I don't know the details

[Flinch]

Originally Posted by SJCrew

Looks like you're going to have to step your game up. Whether or not you end up compromising BFF over this dude depends entirely on how mature you two are willing to act about this. There might even be some 'friendly competition' with a 'no hard feelings' when he makes his decision.

...in a fantasy world where everything is perfect, of course. Unless one of you are willing to back off for the sake of the other, you're almost guaranteed to fight/resent the other person for getting what you want. Since she's already decided she wanted to go cutthroat, fuck up her groove and get what you want at all costs. Be prepared for some bloodshed.

Heh, talk about no mercy...

[Tsuyoshi]

Originally Posted by Illusore

Hurrrrrr.
So I like a guy, and I'm pretty sure he likes me back...I was at his house for a few hours this weekend, and with how things went I was pretty darned sure...we're kinda at the between friends and more stage...
but my friend likes him too, though has said I can do what I want, but she seems to really be flaunting it now, and apparently he said something about the world being more amusing because of her and something else...I'm not gonna quote...but...I kinda wanna slap her because she seems to be going after him now, and she KNOWS I like him...and yeahh

Not that I want to discourage you from pursuing the guy, but I'm a bit confused by what you said about your best friend just now. You had said she means more to you than your life but you're willing to slap her for pursuing a guy you _supposedly_ met recently? I think you need to make up your mind about what you really want and how you really feel about the people you know and trust because my impression here is, and no offense to you, that you're being a bit flighty here.

At one moment you consider her the most precious thing in your life and now you seem ready to literally fight her for a guy you like. I'm not saying there's nothing wrong with taking an aggressive stance at pursuing the guy, and that's what I would normally suggest, but I seriously think it's high time you make a compromise because this thing about your best friend has been acting like a shackle to you from pursuing the romance you seem to want to have with a guy.

Anyways, do what you feel is right. If you still feel this friend is worth more to you than your life, then stick by those words and act on them as you see fit. If not, then make up your mind about her once and for all and confront her if you will. But more importantly than anything, remember that you're still really young and people nearly twice your age never even had romance to begin with, so you don't need to rush yourself into anything.

[Rag]

I think there's this one girl who likes me (won't look directly at me when i'm close, other signs etc) and I really don't know what to do. Should I act oblivious to it and all, should I confront her or something? I don't wanna ask her if she likes just to get shot down or something, my ego will break from that.

[Moczo]

Originally Posted by Rag

I think there's this one girl who likes me (won't look directly at me when i'm close, other signs etc) and I really don't know what to do. Should I act oblivious to it and all, should I confront her or something? I don't wanna ask her if she likes just to get shot down or something, my ego will break from that.

How much have you talked to her? Has she given any cues other than shyness in your presence?

Either way, if you stay casual it can't hurt to ask if she wants to hang out sometime, I imagine.

[Rag]

She asked which Uni I'm going to, I then listed some Uni's (Georgian Tec, A&M etc) and it happened that she and I both had a 4 or 5 star University within our lists. She then said, "I'll see you there" and walked away, that was the last I spoke to her.

She's in my Physics lab, and we talk from time to time, but not that much.

Either way, if you stay casual it can't hurt to ask if she wants to hang out sometime, I imagine.

I see, thanks.

[Suomi]

Originally Posted by Tsuyoshi

Not that I want to discourage you from pursuing the guy, but I'm a bit confused by what you said about your best friend just now. You had said she means more to you than your life but you're willing to slap her for pursuing a guy you _supposedly_ met recently? I think you need to make up your mind about what you really want and how you really feel about the people you know and trust because my impression here is, and no offense to you, that you're being a bit flighty here.

At one moment you consider her the most precious thing in your life and now you seem ready to literally fight her for a guy you like. I'm not saying there's nothing wrong with taking an aggressive stance at pursuing the guy, and that's what I would normally suggest, but I seriously think it's high time you make a compromise because this thing about your best friend has been acting like a shackle to you from pursuing the romance you seem to want to have with a guy.

Anyways, do what you feel is right. If you still feel this friend is worth more to you than your life, then stick by those words and act on them as you see fit. If not, then make up your mind about her once and for all and confront her if you will. But more importantly than anything, remember that you're still really young and people nearly twice your age never even had romance to begin with, so you don't need to rush yourself into anything.

about her being precious to me, it's a longggg story but we had a talk last night and...stuff...but anyway...I've dealt with that. yeah.
I'm prepared to fight her for him, cause I want what I want and I'm not going to give it up just because she likes him too. She's never made any moves until now, but if she's prepared to fight for it then so am I. I have an actual chance here and I'm not about to let anybody ruin that. This is what I want, and she's not going to take it from me.

Originally Posted by Huszaro

Ok, now in the real world, you wait without taking action, you lose. There's always some1 that is going to be jealous, and so that is your choice in how you want to deal with this, no one wants to be in a situation where you'd rather be in pain than your friend, or you feel bad because you made that move.

I've been in plenty of those situations years back where I'd rather let that person go, and every time, I regretted it. If you let yourself be the pushover, if you're indecisive, it just makes things much harder.

Know what you want, if you really want it, go for it, there is no 'kinda' . I don't exactly know every detail, but if you two were hanging out alone, that is indeed a sign he wants more than just 'hangout'. It's hard to know what people want, but once successful often, you can pick it up easily. I wish I could tell you more, but I don't know the details

She knows I like him and is going after him anyway, so I am not about to give it up just because she's decided she wants him too now that I do. I'm by no means indecisive, trust me.

Well, there were some actions that pretty much confirmed my "I think he likes me". We're going to hang out again, and then I'll probably see for sure.

Originally Posted by SJCrew

Looks like you're going to have to step your game up. Whether or not you end up compromising BFF over this dude depends entirely on how mature you two are willing to act about this. There might even be some 'friendly competition' with a 'no hard feelings' when he makes his decision.

...in a fantasy world where everything is perfect, of course. Unless one of you are willing to back off for the sake of the other, you're almost guaranteed to fight/resent the other person for getting what you want. Since she's already decided she wanted to go cutthroat, fuck up her groove and get what you want at all costs. Be prepared for some bloodshed.

I don't know how mature she's prepared to act, but I'm not going to say anything to her, but I will continue to go after him, and anything that happens between him and me, she's no going to know about...no fuel for her fire.

I'm definitely not willing to back off for her sake, and she's shown that she's definitely not willing to back off for my sake. I'll go after this whether she likes it or not...and like I said I'm pretty sure he already likes me I just don't want to get too far ahead of myself there.

[Moczo]

Originally Posted by Rag

She asked which Uni I'm going to, I then listed some Uni's (Georgian Tec, A&M etc) and it happened that she and I both had a 4 or 5 star University within our lists. She then said, "I'll see you there" and walked away, that was the last I spoke to her.

She's in my Physics lab, and we talk from time to time, but not that much.



I see, thanks.

Ah-ha. Yeah, I'd say don't come on to strong, but at the least it seems she doesn't dislike you. I don't know enough to say if she's interested romantically or not, but at the very least it seems there's potential to make a friend here, and possibly more if you hang out some and it goes well.

[zebra]

Originally Posted by Illusore

Hurrrrrr.
So I like a guy, and I'm pretty sure he likes me back...I was at his house for a few hours this weekend, and with how things went I was pretty darned sure...we're kinda at the between friends and more stage...
but my friend likes him too, though has said I can do what I want, but she seems to really be flaunting it now, and apparently he said something about the world being more amusing because of her and something else...I'm not gonna quote...but...I kinda wanna slap her because she seems to be going after him now, and she KNOWS I like him...and yeahh

Dirty business.
I would question if you two really are true friends. Maybe people who like to hang around together, but real friends would have handled the situation differently.

But now that you are in the situation ... how do you define 'fight for him'? All is fair in love and war, love is the only thing worth fighting for, yeah yeah, BUT is this really what you want?
How far do you want to go for him? How much do you still value the other girl?
It's just your posts almost sound desperate. So you like him and are ready to tackle it to get him - good! But please, please don't forget your dignity. Catfights aren't pretty ._.
(I might just have the extreme case on my mind )

Spent time with him, show him your pretty face (fact judging by your picture ) and what a great girl you are - and if he really likes you he will pursue you not your 'friend'.
If he's an ass or indecisive he will lead you both along.

This is a situation that can get messy very easily. That's why it's important you look out for yourself first, no one else will do.

I hope it's just a simple situation (as in you're right and he likes YOU) and you end up happily with the hopefully nice guy! He better be worth the trouble!

Originally Posted by SJCrew

...in a fantasy world where everything is perfect, of course.

Bwahaha. Thank you laughed hard at that XD
You said the truth, but it is possible. If you have friends like I do. We've been in that kind of situation before, but were all civil and watched out for each other first (!). And no hard feelings.
We need each other for bitching when it's time for the break up after all!
If you have great friends, value them. They're priceless.

Originally Posted by Rag

I think there's this one girl who likes me (won't look directly at me when i'm close, other signs etc) and I really don't know what to do. Should I act oblivious to it and all, should I confront her or something? I don't wanna ask her if she likes just to get shot down or something, my ego will break from that.

Just go talk with her when you have the chance. Like seeing her standing or sitting somewhere. Just casual talk. You might be able to tell better if you're right or wrong then.

[Suomi]

Originally Posted by zebra

Dirty business.
I would question if you two really are true friends. Maybe people who like to hang around together, but real friends would have handled the situation differently.

But now that you are in the situation ... how do you define 'fight for him'? All is fair in love and war, love is the only thing worth fighting for, yeah yeah, BUT is this really what you want?
How far do you want to go for him? How much do you still value the other girl?
It's just your posts almost sound desperate. So you like him and are ready to tackle it to get him - good! But please, please don't forget your dignity. Catfights aren't pretty ._.
(I might just have the extreme case on my mind )

Well I thought we were...we've been friends for years and this is the first of something like this...but then again, we've never liked the same guy...

Fight for him? Well...I like him, I'm pretty sure he likes me, and friend or no friend I'm not about to let her get in my way especially now that she's decided she wants him too, just now...
How much do I value her? A lot...but I'm not going to back down because she's decided she wants a piece of him too. How far do I want to go for him? that depends...
As far as sounding desperate, I'm not desperate but it's a long story as to why I sound that way. And no, never forget my dignity. I won't let this turn into a catfight.

[Kaijo]

Originally Posted by Illusore

Well I thought we were...we've been friends for years and this is the first of something like this...but then again, we've never liked the same guy...

Fight for him? Well...I like him, I'm pretty sure he likes me, and friend or no friend I'm not about to let her get in my way especially now that she's decided she wants him too, just now...
How much do I value her? A lot...but I'm not going to back down because she's decided she wants a piece of him too. How far do I want to go for him? that depends...
As far as sounding desperate, I'm not desperate but it's a long story as to why I sound that way. And no, never forget my dignity. I won't let this turn into a catfight.

A few points to note.

A competition can actually make you seem you like the guy more than you do, just because someone else wants him. It's the "it's mine!" feeling that we all have adding to the force of feelings compelling you forward. Just something to be aware of.

A guy with two girls going after him, is probably going to lead you both on as long as he can. It's a fairly large ego boost for most guys, and also he might be thinking that he doesn't want to hurt either of you, and turning one of you down will do that.

On the other hand, pushing him into making a decision has a fairly high chance of making him evasive and pushing him away.

Conclusion: You're in for an ugly time. I don't foresee anything pretty coming out of this. If you win, your friend will hate you. If she wins, you'll hate her and him. Ironically, the best outcome is that he's a douche, strings you both along until you're tired of him, and renew your friendship while you drop him.

Do a lot of thinking, and be damn sure it is what you want. I'd also encourage you to keep an eye out for other possible guys. Don't tie yourself down. Let him know you are interested, but that you won't wait forever. If someone else comes along and he still hasn't made a decision, you'll end up dating other men.

[Nightbat®]

Originally Posted by Illusore

Fight for him? Well...I like him, I'm pretty sure he likes me, and friend or no friend I'm not about to let her get in my way especially now that she's decided she wants him too, just now...
How much do I value her? A lot...but I'm not going to back down because she's decided she wants a piece of him too. How far do I want to go for him? that depends...
As far as sounding desperate, I'm not desperate but it's a long story as to why I sound that way. And no, never forget my dignity. I won't let this turn into a catfight.

All is fair in love and war

Been there myself

Both being sincere, friend and me agreed "may the best man win!"
though he forgot to tell me he had already won

No use crying over spilled milk, we're still friends, turned out he unknowingly saved me from a good number of years sharing a room with an ever jealous, eating and bitching girlfriend

Karma 'ey?