Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha Character Creation and Discussion (second reincarnation)

[LoweGear]

Originally Posted by Aaron008R

Actually...

Spoiler for pics:

She comes to mind when I think of Short-hair Keroko...

...

Who's this doppleganger character supposed to be again?

[NorthernFallout]

Looks more like a mini-Nove than a Evil!Nanoha lol

[Keroko]

Originally Posted by LoweGear

...

Who's this doppleganger character supposed to be again?

One of the enemies from the PSP games.

[LoweGear]

She have a name... or is she just Evil!Nanohadoppleganger for life?

[Laith]

Material - S for the Nanoha clone, Material - L is for the Fate clone and Material - D is for the Hayate clone.

[LoweGear]

Material... LSD?

*SHOT*

[Sheba]

Originally Posted by LoweGear

Material... LSD?

*SHOT*

At that point, you expect the Beatles.

[krisslanza]

I thought I read somewhere that they're defense programs from the Book of Darkness or something.

The letter I guess is like an element so...
Material-S: Star?
Material-L: Lightning
Material-D: Darkness

[MeisterBabylon]

Originally Posted by Keroko

Yes, the irony did not escape me either. Though Keroko's hair is going to be slightly different.

When I saw Mat-S, I was thinking of casting her jacket as Keroko's for Magical Lyrical Nanoha (OC) Season 1. Looks like I wasn't too far off...

Though I'm still wondering what shorthairs!Keroko is li--

MISAKA?! YOU'RE NOT THINKING OF MISAKA ARE YOU?!

[Keroko]

Nope. Not at all, try again.

[Comartemis]

Had a thought about a device type a minute ago. We've got unison devices already, but do we have anything like device familiars?

I'm thinking of something like an inverse to the unison device concept. UDs like Rein and Agito are designed primarily to enhance the power and ability of their masters but can also fight separately from them using their own abilities. What I'm thinking of are devices designed to fight for their masters but also possessing the ability to Unison In with their masters and enhance their abilities as a secondary function. Think of those device personification images you've probably seen of Levantine or Raising Heart on danbooru or in the image thread and you've got the right idea.

[Estavali]

Imho it would be easier to create a system/situation in which a familiar merges with the master for a power-up.

Firstly the familiar through their contract is already connected to the master, and from one PoV is part of the master since the magus is in fact sharing part of his/her mana with the familiar. All you need now is a spell, a magical system or a modification to an existing system that allows them to merge as one.

Secondly, you'll find that it's not easy to define what's so different between a device familiar as you've described and an UD like Rein and Agito, or for that matter, a regular familiar like Arf. For the former you have also stated that, in addition to the Unison function, they are also capable of operating aside from their partners. For the latter, it's much more economic, in terms of time and resources, for the magus to create his own familiar through the usual way. Also the purpose of a device is to act as a casting aid for magus (though for Belkan knights this seems to be a secondary function). It would go against this principle if the device goes out and fight on its own, leaving the master bereft of its functions as a device. It's like, say, sending the goalkeeper out to the front instead of staying put at the goal post and actually perform his duties as the last man standing (between the rival striker and his goal shot).

That said, allow me to share an idea of mine that is somewhat similiar to yours.

Spoiler for Click for ramblings:

Instead of an entire device, what I have is an add-on function or component that attaches a familiar-like animal/monster to a device, from which one could call forth. Also this function was originally not meant to give the knight (yes, a part of Belka, this) a sidekick in him fights, but was in fact used as a security measure to deter or eliminate anyone other than the master from touching or using the device against him (touch, monster appears, *munch*). It was only with later developments that this function saw action on the battlefield (and pubs).

However the downside of this add-on is that it did not tolerate any other AI aside its own. While later developments allowed the add-on's AI to also serve the master in the same capacity as the usual (Belkan) device AI when residing within the device, once the familiar beast was summoned, the device became very much an ordinary weapon. Though there were plans to create simple AIs that could accomodate the beast and give the master some level of casting aid (along the lines of Storage Devices) after the beast was unleashed, Belka on the whole felt that the outcome would not worth the investment, and that the time and money could be better spent in other areas. As such, the history of this system was shortlived. Or least people didn't use it for combat since its decline, relegating it to protect family heirlooms or device prototypes that had yet been infused with a proper AI.

And except for one exception (which I may or may not keep), the beasts can't unison with their masters. Let's keep UDs unique, shall we?

This idea btw was inspired by Yomi and Ranguren of Ga-Rei =3

[Comartemis]

I think I've seen that one before; one of your characters had a scorpion like that, right?

Secondly, you'll find that it's not easy to define what's so different between a device familiar as you've described and an UD like Rein and Agito, or for that matter, a regular familiar like Arf.

The problem there might be that I didn't describe it very well.

Spoiler for theoretical rambling:

Familiar devices predate unison devices by at least a few hundred years and are widely thought to be of Al Hazardian origins; unison devices themselves show signs of having been reverse-engineered from familiar devices, as there are several functions of a familiar device that unison devices don't quite duplicate, most notably the twin drive system.

Familiar devices, as their name suggests, are intended to be stand-ins for familiars or guardian beasts. Where the former two groups are often intended to have temporary roles, familiar devices are always intended to be life-long partners of the mage they were constructed for and bound to. To that end, they incorporate their own individual power source into their construction, allowing their master to function at peak levels without having to supply energy to their partner their whole life. Loyalty is ensured via the device's programming, but a device who outlives its' master gains complete autonomy and may even bind itself to another master if it wishes.

In combat, familiar devices typically assume one of two roles depending on their master's specialization. "Squishy" mages or ranged specialists typically function separately from their partners, using them as tanks or meat shields. This is especially common among mages who specialize in ceremonial magic. Mages who prefer close combat, however, typically utilize the twin drive system, more formally known as the Twin Drive Ignition system.

While technically similar to a unison device's Unison Mode, the TDI system possesses a number of differences from its' younger derivative system. Firstly, as a familiar device is always constructed for a specific person, only a poorly-built familiar device has any chance of initiating a Unison Accident on start-up unless the device is initiating it with a person who is not her master, which is typically forbidden by the device's programming. Second, a device in unison with her master typically takes on the appearance of a suit of armor worn by the master (as opposed to the "pallet swap" appearance of a mage/unison device pair) and can easily be mistaken for an Equip-type device (though to be fair, in this mode that's pretty much what they are).

When activated, the TDI system synchronizes the bond between the master's linker core and the device's power supply, effectively granting a unisoned mage/device pair access to two linker cores for spellcasting purposes, not only boosting the power available to a unisoned pair but also significantly reducing the strain placed on both cores by high-intensity spellcasting (i.e. it's a lot harder to strain your linker core like Nanoha does occasionally when there's two cores to share the load). As opposed to a unison device's Unison Mode, which emphasizes control and spellcasting assistance, the TDI system reinforces the mage's power and her ability to use that power without harming herself.

How's that?

[Estavali]

Originally Posted by Comartemis

I think I've seen that one before; one of your characters had a scorpion like that, right?

That would be Eva's Evangeline =3

The problem there might be that I didn't describe it very well.

Spoiler for theoretical rambling:

Familiar devices predate unison devices by at least a few hundred years and are widely thought to be of Al Hazardian origins; unison devices themselves show signs of having been reverse-engineered from familiar devices, as there are several functions of a familiar device that unison devices don't quite duplicate, most notably the twin drive system.

Familiar devices, as their name suggests, are intended to be stand-ins for familiars or guardian beasts. Where the former two groups are often intended to have temporary roles, familiar devices are always intended to be life-long partners of the mage they were constructed for and bound to. To that end, they incorporate their own individual power source into their construction, allowing their master to function at peak levels without having to supply energy to their partner their whole life. Loyalty is ensured via the device's programming, but a device who outlives its' master gains complete autonomy and may even bind itself to another master if it wishes.

In combat, familiar devices typically assume one of two roles depending on their master's specialization. "Squishy" mages or ranged specialists typically function separately from their partners, using them as tanks or meat shields. This is especially common among mages who specialize in ceremonial magic. Mages who prefer close combat, however, typically utilize the twin drive system, more formally known as the Twin Drive Ignition system.

While technically similar to a unison device's Unison Mode, the TDI system possesses a number of differences from its' younger derivative system. Firstly, as a familiar device is always constructed for a specific person, only a poorly-built familiar device has any chance of initiating a Unison Accident on start-up unless the device is initiating it with a person who is not her master, which is typically forbidden by the device's programming. Second, a device in unison with her master typically takes on the appearance of a suit of armor worn by the master (as opposed to the "pallet swap" appearance of a mage/unison device pair) and can easily be mistaken for an Equip-type device (though to be fair, in this mode that's pretty much what they are).

When activated, the TDI system synchronizes the bond between the master's linker core and the device's power supply, effectively granting a unisoned mage/device pair access to two linker cores for spellcasting purposes, not only boosting the power available to a unisoned pair but also significantly reducing the strain placed on both cores by high-intensity spellcasting (i.e. it's a lot harder to strain your linker core like Nanoha does occasionally when there's two cores to share the load). As opposed to a unison device's Unison Mode, which emphasizes control and spellcasting assistance, the TDI system reinforces the mage's power and her ability to use that power without harming herself.

How's that?

Hmm, okay, so you've answered as to why a magus would prefer a familiar device to a familiar in terms of power consumption. However, the familiar device, as you have said, boost the magus' power and assists in ensuring safety when using her enhanced power (this sounds a lot like the Boost Device AFAIK, with an emphasis on boosting the master instead of others) when unisoned. This leaves the question whether the FD is capable of assisting the master in the same manner when not unisoned, or does it serves the master just like any other familiar when seperated. Because, if so, aside from the power issue, I still think a familiar can do what a FD can do as well, with the right adjustments.

From my PoV, I think it's better that you don't set this down as a device but make it instead into a type of android that has the FD's functions, but perhaps it's just me stuck to the idea that devices are meant to be an extension of the master.

[Comartemis]

Originally Posted by Estavali

Hmm, okay, so you've answered as to why a magus would prefer a familiar device to a familiar in terms of power consumption. However, the familiar device, as you have said, boost the magus' power and assists in ensuring safety when using her enhanced power (this sounds a lot like the Boost Device AFAIK, with an emphasis on boosting the master instead of others) when unisoned. This leaves the question whether the FD is capable of assisting the master in the same manner when not unisoned, or does it serves the master just like any other familiar when seperated.

It serves like a familiar, but remember that unison devices don't seem to grant their masters any particular benefit when not united with them either (or at least Rein and Agito don't seem to). There's also nothing stopping a mage from using another device in concert with the familiar device.

And on that note, I really need to come up with a better name for these things...

Because, if so, aside from the power issue, I still think a familiar can do what a FD can do as well, with the right adjustments.

True, but the power issue is a big advantage over the familiar system. Anyone with a linker core can have a familiar device if they find one or have the resources to make one, but only powerful mages like Fate and Gil Graham can make familiars with humanoid appearances (or at least that's my interpretation) without severely hampering their spellcasting abilities.

Mostly though, these devices are custom-built for SaintS so Arisa can have one. It's more convenient for plot purposes for her to get a device like this instead of a standard familiar or a Yuuno-equivalent who just happens to have a device that works for her. Incidentally, her device is one of the main OCs of SaintS.

[agetreme]

I have an idea similar to the Familiar device but instead of being an actual familiar, it is more like a intelligent device with unison-like capability in form of a bird. I am too lazy to think of a special name for it so I will just call it Affinity Device.

Instead of granting power boost, it give armor, weapon and magic affinity to the mage. The magic affinity granted can be combined with a mage with natural magic affinity for stronger effect (Fire Affinity device unisoned with a fire affinity mage can make bigger explosion) or weird additional effect (e.g. A ice Affinity device unisoned with a fire affinity mage can make a cold flame or a burning ice).

[NorthernFallout]

Spoiler for Prologue; Depths of Isolation:

Above the dark blue atmosphere of Mid-Childa was a peculiar space installation orbiting slowly around the planet. From the black background of space against the brightness of the planet, one could make out its silhouette, consisting of towers, disks and external connection bridges, forming an obscure architecture unlike anything on Mid-Childa itself.

This installation, this isolated structure of drifting metal in space, only accompanied by its sister station at the other side of the planet, was Archangel Station; a SuperMax prison facility under the supervision of the TSAB. Under its thick, protective exterior there was an impenetrable wall of security cameras, alarms, guards and movement sensors. Nothing moved inside without anyone knowing. Nothing could enter or leave without proper authorization. It even kept its own security fleet, as a countermeasure against attempted escapes with shuttles from the docking bay. The fleet, in similarity to the guards inside, worked under a constant free-to-engage policy.

The layout of Archangel was simple, yet technologically advanced. Several levels ran through the massive body, separated into various sections and sub-sections, each with their specific sets of restrictions and processes. Twenty-four hour surveillance and total isolation was a common trait for those on the Alpha level, with no entertainment to pass the time. They were given only the most basic of necessities, unlike those on the Beta level. Here the inmates were still subjected to similar conditions, but were allowed to leave their cells one hour per day. On the other levels, despite the same around-the-clock surveillance, prisoners were allowed a few more privileges, depending on the level of their mental stability.

Supervising the entire installation, and setting the rules for it, was Simon McClusky. A former veteran Enforcer, he was the first choice for the TSAB when they appointed Archangel's "Warden". Knowing about his ruthless behavior, dutiful persona and personal rules, they do everything they can to keep a lid on potential leaks that the media could sniff up and cause a ruckus about. It wasn't that McClusky was some vile psychopath enjoying the torment of those under his mercy; even he could show some humanity, or pity, but his rules were meant to be followed, not broken. Those who did not play by the rules, answered to the real McClusky; an inhumane monster, on the same level as the inmates Archangel itself was meant to contain. It was the rumors of what McClusky could dish out when provoked that gave the TSAB so much publicity nightmares, which made them even the more convinced that the media and the general public did not need to know about the supermax prison, or at least, what was going on in there.

As such, the reputation of Archangel, and its Warden, had never reached the ears of a certain criminal contained in cell seven, in Sector F, on the Beta Level, when she was apprehended two years ago. How could she, considering that the general public barely knew of its existence.

Earning the nickname Bloody Seven pretty quickly, she broke several of the Warden's rules on her initiation onto the station. This had caught his attention and he treated her with an extraordinary different focus than he usually did to other inmates, to the extent of giving her a "welcome" as he had never done before. What he did back then, only Bloody Seven knows. Even after two years, after she learned not to mess with the Warden, or at least, not openly, he had not taken his eye off her.

Among the inmates, Bloody Seven was feared, but far from respected. Even though they rarely met, she had already made a whole lot of enemies, with no known allies to compensate. A fact that, much to the enjoyment of the Warden, caused her a lot of annoyance and pain. Luckily for her though, a series of events had been set into motion that would result in an unexpected situation for all of the station's inhabitants.

Welcome to Archangel Station. The dark side of the law.

*

78, 79, 80...

Sweat dripped from her brow onto the cold iron floor. The dull bodysuit prison attire she wore was sticking to her skin, and her hair, which had grown quite long and thick after these two years, clogged itself to her face. She had refused to cut it, going as far as to attack the staff when she had been forced to a few months ago. They hadn't tried again after that. A wise choice.

81, 82, 83...

Her body heaved up and down, propelled by her arms. She had never liked push-ups very much, but had grown accustomed to doing them every evening, regardless of how tired she was. Not that she knew what time it actually was. The only indication was the light flicking off at night and on in the morning. It had helped her get into a routine, to organize her river of thoughts.

84, 85, 8-

The blue shimmer of the double barrier inches from her head opened a small hole in itself and a tray with food was shoved inside, piercing her ears with metal grinding metal. It broke her concentration, causing a moment's hesitation. Her balance broke and she collapsed on the floor, breathing at a heavy, but steady pace. With an exhausted arm, feeling like a weight made out of flesh, she grabbed the tray and dragged it towards her. The hole in the barrier sealed itself behind it.

She dragged herself up and sat cross-legged on the floor, poking at the food on the tray. It was typical prison food. A mess of meat, vegetables and bread, mashed into a shapeless form that'd probably taste like it always did. Dry and disgusting.

She took a small piece of the blob with the fork and shoved it into her mouth. She munched on it for a fraction of a second before swallowing it quickly. The taste wasn't a surprise. She didn't even have the motivation to grimace at it anymore. Even that had gone into routine. Routine.

Always routine. Always the same thing, at the same time, for two years.

She forced herself to eat at least half of the filth on the tray. It was the only nourishment she would get for the next twelve hours and she knew what would happen if she threw it away. Her throat became dry as the chunks of bread was chewed down. There wasn't any liquid this time. Even that was "rationed".

Meat. I want blood, flesh, fresh meat. Dammit...

She finished her meal eventually, her stomach disgusted and her throat dry as a desert, and flopped down on her bed. At her side lay an old book she'd borrowed a few days before, in the same genre as the other two-hundred she had read. Fantasy mixing supernatural. Predators of the night, vampires. It was something about them that intrigued her, and she couldn't get enough of their lore. After all, in the stories they drank blood, just as she did. And she was fascinated by their appearance and prideful personas...

She imagined the smell of flesh, the taste of blood. A craving grew larger inside her, but she suppressed it. If it grew too big in here she'd soon enough crawl on the walls. Again.

She let her head rest against the soft pillow. She tossed a disinterested glance at the frosty walls of her small, cube-shaped cell that seemed to get smaller every month. The camera mounted in a corner followed her at all times with slow, dumb movements, monitoring her every move.

A glare of hate lashed against it, with a sarcastic smile on her lips to get the point across. Deciding to ignore it, she flopped over to her side, staring into the wall and sneaked a hand up her pillow. From this angle all the camera could see was a girl resting on the bed. In reality, Bloody Seven pulled out a rough note, evident of having been read many times. How it had managed to slip its way past Archangel's airtight security, she didn't know, nor did she care. It came to her, weeks ago, tucked neatly within one of her precious books.

She opened it with one hand, careful not to do any weird movements that might alert the observer, and read the contents once again.

"Soon, Seven, when all are in place. It's when we meet again."

She embraced the note to her chest as if holding a child and a vague sob echoed in the cell, allowing her body a tiny shudder at the emotion welling up. Silly girl. Ambient was naive and so easily manipulated... but the note had always felt real, as had the ones before it. The love she expressed might not be artificial and they had met once before. The time when she had gained control of Ambient's mind...

She grinned at the memory and fell back on the bed. She laughed inside her, a horrible laugh of joy at what was to come. Outwards only a giggle escaped as she glanced at the old book. Vampires and immortality. An odd combination of grace, pride and evil. She didn't give a dime about the camera anymore and enjoyed her sudden outburst of happiness. To hell with them all. Let them come.

She'll be my princess of darkness. And by my side, we'll rule together the void of eternity.

Two years ago, in that horrible city of Cranagan, the Blood Maiden's life had not ended in defeat. Rather, a seed had been planted and it had now come to growth. The Blood Angel had bloomed.

Spoiler for Author's Notes:

- My aim with the Blood Angel arc is to further develop Wallachia and improve my writing in a new setting, while at the same time mixing in a few new OCs.
- CCs are still excluded.
- While I haven't used "arcs" per se, this will be the last of the two (first being Blood Maiden).
- Darker, if even possible, and pushing the limits further.
- The entire arc inspired by (and existing references from); Silence of the Lambs, Natural Born Killers, The Shield, Event Horizon, 28 Days Later, Dracula

[JamesEdwards]

@AX:

Well, your narration has certainly gotten better since you started way back when, e.g. consistently "mature" execution, confidence, flow, and a complete vision to what you're trying to get across to the reader. The old stuff was amateurish compared to this, though aesthetically, I somewhat question your use of repeated simple sentences, for example:

"She took a small piece of the blob with the fork and shoved it into her mouth. She munched on it for a fraction of a second before swallowing it quickly. The taste wasn't a surprise. She didn't even have the motivation to grimace at it anymore. Even that had gone into routine. Routine."

If that's supposed to be characterization on Bloody Seven's part, then that's fine and dandy, 'cause you can understand an "Animal" having a very utilitarian and economic way with words. But if this was the supreme narrator from the first part, describing McClusky and the Archangel facility... Like, c'mon, what the heck, y'know?

As for the Blood Angel (pfffftttt! How the mighty have fallen), I hope she has some actual psychopaths on the level with or higher than her to "play" with, which was something I felt was missing from the first run of the series. After the first couple of entries, it got pretty boring once you realized she was an immature, creepy, broken brat going around murdering people on a whim. If she had gone up against one of her own kind, she would have been easy prey for the worse off monsters out there. Hell, she was lucky too she only picked on "normal" humans.

Just the one somewhat "abnormal" human almost did her in. Pitiable. Really. (AX you were totally molly coddling her, weren't you?)

Anyways, my qualm here is that it's a big, bad world out there, and it's ludicrous she managed to stay under the radar for so long without bumping into another "Monster", before being taken down by the authorities.

Well, that's that. Let's see where you go from here.

[Keroko]

It's indeed a big, bad world. Emphasis on big. Not all that strange she doesn't bump into other monsters when staying bellow the radar.

That said, do I detect a whiff of ME2 inspiration along with the others? A pinch of Purgatory, a little whiff of Jack and a tiny hint of Omega?

[NorthernFallout]

Originally Posted by Keroko

That said, do I detect a whiff of ME2 inspiration along with the others? A pinch of Purgatory, a little whiff of Jack and a tiny hint of Omega?

A bit. I can't deny it's inspired by it, although that wasn't my initial thought. It just sort of happened.