2009-10-10, 23:19 | Link #1781 | |
PolyPerson!
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Northern VA
|
Quote:
"I don't think we should continue seeing one another, our goals for this relationship aren't the same, and I'd rather part while we're still friendly." Ding Done
__________________
|
|
2009-10-10, 23:20 | Link #1782 | |
Amateur Psychomocologist
Join Date: Sep 2009
|
Right, thanks for the additional advice. It does sort of make me feel like shit that I've done things right, I've kept my promises, and I've gone without money and in one case food to get her a present, it feels like my hard work is just being turned into a pile of shit, but I know I won't be able to change her mind, because I think her friends in college are rallied against me, or maybe that's just me being paranoid.
One thing that bothers me is she keeps blaming me for scaring her by saying eventually I might want to marry her, so she's getting freaked out because I made a passing comment regarding something that will most likely not happen? Bah. Another problem is, well she's done a lot for me. No she hasn't changed or done anything to help the relationship, but she's opened up a world of new things for me that I had never considered before, music, books, TV shows, everything, and part of me just feels so thankful to her for that, and I really do feel like I've grown as a person. If we were both more mature about things, I have a terrible feeling that we would work out, am I wrong in thinking this? Should I even think of this? I mean, I want to continue to be friends with her after this, but I don't want her to then turn around at an eventual point and go "Yeah, I think I'm ready to date you now," and me not be ready to or not even want to. Should I just straight out excise her from my life? EDIT Quote:
|
|
2009-10-10, 23:40 | Link #1783 | ||
Test Drive
Author
|
Quote:
Speaking from experience, this is normal. You'll always wonder, especially when she's placing most of the blame on you. It's not wrong to think that way, even if sometines it hurts. Quote:
__________________
|
||
2009-10-11, 00:15 | Link #1784 | |||
It's the year 3030...
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Spaceport Colony Sicilia
Age: 39
|
Quote:
If you were both more mature, you may indeed work it out. However, that's not the case, clearly. No matter what the reason, it would seem as though this relationship is headed towards its end. As many have said before me, it may be best for you to come to terms with that, and end it directly. You're welcome to still attempt a friendship with her, but don't be surprised if that option becomes unavailable when the relationship ends. In my opinion, the person you're in a relationship with should not make you feel used. I think Zetsubo had one good point, in that relationships are about give and take, and both parties have to be willing to give and take a near-equal amount. From what you've described, it sounds like she's taking far more than she's giving. For me, the "open relationship" would be the last straw; now she wants to have her cake and eat it too. Quote:
Quote:
__________________
|
|||
2009-10-11, 05:20 | Link #1785 | |
Senior Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
|
Quote:
This clearly ain't going anywhere, I'm sorry but that's the cut and clear truth man... she's just dragging it so as she doesn't have to do the dirty work of breaking up with you in a swift and harsh manner (and that you might get the hint later on down the road, and break up with her instead). And as for staying friends after your guys' breakup? No. If you really want to help yourself (seeing how clearly you are balls deep into this girl and she.. just doesn't feel that way for you anymore, if she ever did), distance yourself from her until you truly get over her or meet somebody else; If you stick around with her as a "friend" after you guys break up, you will just fuck yourself even more since we all know that the "friend" act after a breakup (in a fairly serious relationship, not a fling) is bullshit, and that you're sticking around because you still like her and deep in the back of your head - want to get back with her (when clearly she doesn't). Distance yourself. You won't get over her unless you do, and if you don't - it'll just hurt that much more when you see her go off with some other guy.
__________________
|
|
2009-10-11, 09:33 | Link #1786 |
Dietrich fan #681675
|
Ari Gold FTW One of my favorite Entourage related gifs.
But back to the subject at hand... Some people do like to "shop around" when it comes to significant others...it's almost like job offers: you want to have at least two to consider so that way you won't be putting all your eggs into one basket. H23 is right...you really don't want to end up in the friendzone with her. Most friendzones do not yield anything great. Not saying they are all bad but it's generally a pretty crappy "consolation prize" if the girl was one you really wanted to be your girlfriend. It will take a lot of time to get over the girl (the length varies but one cannot get over someone in a week) but once you do, you'll feel better about it all.
__________________
|
2009-10-11, 10:30 | Link #1787 | |
Amateur Psychomocologist
Join Date: Sep 2009
|
Quote:
|
|
2009-10-11, 11:13 | Link #1789 |
Dietrich fan #681675
|
Pretty much what RadiantBeam said.
It took me years (literally) to get over the fact that some girl I liked, and wanted as a gf, didn't feel the same way about me. It's different for everyone. The gripe for me was this perceived level of compatibility I thought I had with her...and I had this strong sense of wanting to "belong" to someone, thanks to the fact I had very few friends when I was little. But my experience isn't typical of everyone else's. Just give yourself time...and don't hesitate to consult friends for advice and help.
__________________
|
2009-10-11, 12:51 | Link #1790 |
Rollin' Like A Boss
Join Date: Apr 2006
|
Honestly, you sound pathetic.
I'll tell you exactly how this is going to go down. 1. She will or is, finding someone else. You break up either way 2. You're going be one of those who go into self-pity mode and wonder what went wrong, I can change, etc. Become even more of a sad case 3. After some time you're going to look back at the **** you wrote, and face palm at how pathetic the **** you wrote was. I mean, when I start to hear that crap about how she is so wonderful, how she changed me, how I'm a new man because of her, and all that jazz. It's sounds like you are just pinning your life on her. No one likes someone who can't stand on their own two feet. Truth is, This happens to almost every guy. They are going to like someone who just isn't going to return the feelings. And they are going to feel like it's their fault. Now you either take this as a learning experience, or you go into a pathetic slump and end up wasting allot of time whining over her.
__________________
|
2009-10-11, 13:10 | Link #1792 |
Emotionless White Face
Join Date: Feb 2008
|
Strangely, if you're talking about couples' behaviors, here it's the opposite, it happens more to girls than guys. A study showed that feelings and love are more important to women than to men. So usually, most women give/do more for the relationship
|
2009-10-11, 13:28 | Link #1794 | |
Emotionless White Face
Join Date: Feb 2008
|
Quote:
I didn't read all your posts, but you seem[ed] really in love. And you don't seem to be the type to harm somebody. I can't say anything that will comfort you, but it's sad it didn't work out. But life is like that, the worst can happen whatever if you're a good person or not. |
|
2009-10-11, 13:47 | Link #1795 | |
Amateur Psychomocologist
Join Date: Sep 2009
|
Quote:
There's not much you could say to comfort me, I doubt many people could. It's just my pile o' crap to deal with, and I have to. Besides that I'll probably be okay because I'm pretty used to things going poorly lol, as emo as that sounds. |
|
2009-10-11, 14:31 | Link #1798 | |
Emotionless White Face
Join Date: Feb 2008
|
Quote:
I refered to the results from the study about the sexuality of the French, from 2006. It is for example stated with numbers that there are way more french men who can (are willing to) have sex without love, than women. So in the articles and programs that followed those results (and I guess there are more in the book released in 2008), that women care about feelings and love more than men when it comes to sexual and romantic relationships. |
|
2009-10-11, 14:38 | Link #1800 | |
Emotionless White Face
Join Date: Feb 2008
|
Quote:
I just meant that the conclusion that Love matters more for french women than men doesn't come from me, so that you can't agree with me, since it's not a personal comment. |
|
Tags |
advice, break-ups, dating, dating after divorce, divorce, happiness, love, pairings, single dad, single mom |
|
|