2011-02-19, 00:31 | Link #121 | |
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Artist
Join Date: Mar 2010
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2011-02-19, 00:41 | Link #122 | |
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example. the "-" are the stressed syllables. the "_" are not stressed. _ - _ - _- the day i went to rock the posers i will mock and other patterns can be used _ _ - _ _ - Ricky i really hope you're not mad at me for critiscising your poem...
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2011-02-19, 01:01 | Link #123 | |
Frandle & Nightbag
Join Date: Oct 2009
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At times, I can forget that some things in my poems may only be legible to me because I wrote the bloody thing, and it'd be near impossible for another reader to guess at whatever obtuse trick I'm pulling--and I do pull a lot of them, because my poetic process is toying with language. So it helps to be reminded that, yes, I still need to make my stuff communicate too. If I didn't think about that, I'd just be some verbose pedant, rather than a poet. =)
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2011-02-19, 01:15 | Link #124 | |
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and this doesn't sound right in term of grammar, i think... do you think that it would ever falling apart means a thing? oh, and after reading your poem like 10 times...i couldn't find the trick. do u mind sharing? ...
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2011-02-19, 01:30 | Link #125 | |
Frandle & Nightbag
Join Date: Oct 2009
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"Rain is in my eyes, and in me finding a disused umbrella there is nothing profound enough to change my mind, engraved as it is. Do you think that it falling apart means a thing?" But it could also read "Rain is in my eyes, and in me, finding a disused umbrella in a tree, where now we watch trains passing. There is nothing profound enough to change my mind, engraved as it is there, where you sit. Or do you think that it would ever fall apart?" Get the basic gist of it? I like doing this because it's just as much fun seeing people come up with readings (some of which I hadn't even thought of) as it is building them myself.
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2011-02-19, 01:53 | Link #126 |
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wow, thats pretty cool. but being a simpleton i just read line after line, lol. but note the example in my previous post. you probably need to avoid those awkward sentences. i'll play with your poem a bit more now))
EDIT okay, i give up. its pretty hard. it doesn't come naturally to me. i read the sentences that don't make sense. damn. but the idea is really awesome. if only u could perfect it to be more fluid or something, so that the eye will wander naturally between the different versions.
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Last edited by idiffer; 2011-02-19 at 02:04. |
2011-02-19, 02:59 | Link #127 |
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okay, here's what i came up with based on Ricky's concept. which is awesome actually, beyond great and bold. SUGOI is what i'd like to say.
anyway, i was so hooked that i wanted to scribble smth similar. turned out shit if u ask me. but still its probably fun. because the main idea is to get as much sentences as possible...and then assemble them into your own poem any way u like it. Ricky - you are a frickin genius! i wholeheartedly hope that u will write more poems of this kind, the kind that will boggle our minds and keep us thinking. i now feel stupid for commenting on your poem before))) the line can go horizontal, vertical, diagonal and in both directions...actually they can go anyway u like, as long as it makes sense. this should be a new game, like crossword puzzles or sudoku. _______what_______will_____ __decide behold_______now________still______ _______that________had_______hope and________never______gone_____ _________it_________was______again mattered_____found_______lost_______ __________________love_____________ lol, this way u can keep the formatting. stupid forum asshatery won't let us post our shit the way we want to, so... Spoiler for same poem without large spaces:
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Last edited by idiffer; 2011-02-19 at 03:26. |
2011-02-19, 13:48 | Link #128 | |
Join Date: Jan 2009
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As an aside, I did at no point associate you (as the author) with the I of the poem, and I have no interest in judging other people's mindsets. Thanks for enlightening me, interesting poem you've written |
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2011-02-20, 10:20 | Link #129 | |
~[>Goth Lolicon<]~
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: world of my own~
Age: 35
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>w<
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lol sorry I got bad english~ and i've never been good with poems people laught at me when i did these in my primary school days... and~ and~ i like ur 1st poem~ but sadly can't understand the 2nd one....
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2011-02-20, 11:19 | Link #130 |
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Rakhool
really, i thought the 1st one was harder to understand, lol.but i'm glad you liked it. the 2nd one is just about a conversation with a chinese girl and that we were able to understand each other despite not knowing each others' language.
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2011-02-21, 00:33 | Link #131 |
Dictadere~!
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: On the front lines, fighting for inderpendence.
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We're like herbivores
Feeding on empires of green A form that opens doors A titan that man stores Being the stuff of birth Granting those the chance to live A key which leads to a girth A monster that penetrates the Earth Leading for or against None can let go of this intoxicating poison Drink its contents or lest A human lose its score on the test From the start And to the end It's or blood, our air, our soul A manifestation of our goal
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2011-02-23, 15:28 | Link #132 |
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god, this is stupid shit that i wrote...but the heart wants what it wants...
snapping in mode with zooming vision i break the code with bold percision reprogramm and hack the final descision i can't go back outrunning the time which i don't lack and just like a mime the progress bar completion not far escape in the night and finished the task hacking, bringing the light noone'll ever ask why the smile? why the laugh? where algorythm went of sadness spent? and another one i wrote a few hours later Now! When tears don’t fall Now! Eyes open wide Now! Stiff with fear Now! What will I do? For whom to cry? How? Shit, how? But just as true Why? Fuck, why? I won't stop bleeding Tell me WHAT I need to DO Suffering, kneeling Paralysis, PAIN! Only PAIN! feeling... emo. so emo. but, yeah, thats how i fealt deep inside at the moment. i haven't tried free verse in a long time... this is a revised version of a poem i posted not long ago. truth is, when i first wrote it i changed the idea half way through the poem somewhat, so i added some lines to try and connect the two and make them ones of the whole. i kinda feel bad about changing my own poems, lol. but it had to be done. Spoiler for poem revised:
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Last edited by idiffer; 2011-02-23 at 20:19. |
2011-02-23, 21:18 | Link #135 | |
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is the trick you mentioned before present here? about different readings...
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2011-02-25, 23:30 | Link #136 |
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and again i'm back to strict metre and rhyme. i'm gonna pander to my friends for awhile, who like this kind of poetry style. and, it is kind of challenging. this poem is not necessarily finished...
Ricky, where are you? Night silent, falls upon the ground When nothing dares to make a sound Being yourself, by no one found All masks are dropped, no one’s to hound The turmoils, troubles fall away All problems vanish with winds’ sway What’s left, is calm and freedom’s say The stars are mute, those specks of light The moon and lamp posts shining bright It’s all I need to not lose sight Of road, of what I’m set to find That I could not, by day so blind
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2011-03-02, 23:15 | Link #137 |
Varcolac cu trei capete
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Where the morale of the people is as black as the sea.
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A Rock I stand, a rock I've become.
Hardened by summer sun salted by ocean air. Alone to stand and feel the waves crash upon my face. To feel the salt embed itself in to my skin. There came a day when I felt no more, a day when the sun burned the sea infront of me. I did not blink, I did not ponder why. I stood there watching the present being swallowed by the cold of the future sky.
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2011-03-04, 15:40 | Link #138 |
Join Date: Jan 2009
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Knowing 'bout anatomy
comes natural to me. Cutting people's my vocation, I go daily on a spree. Tie them down, don't let them go, my accomplices are just as pro. The narcotics stuff they're using really isn't just for show. And once they sleep, And once they're still, I descend upon the helpless sheep, I imprint on them my will. |
2011-03-05, 20:32 | Link #139 |
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just random thoughts...
Last tear by then will have been dropped With clouded mind full of regret When life on verge of being cropped Too late to make amends and fret Can only let your life replay Before eyes holding frozen fear Slow motioned time won’t let you stray From mental pain that seems to sear Now matter not last words you hear Or if someone is present near
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2011-03-15, 22:05 | Link #140 |
Frandle & Nightbag
Join Date: Oct 2009
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http://rickycontroversy.squarespace....air-trade.html
Very straightforward poem this time...but still intended for multiple readings.
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literature, poetry, writing |
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