Dating

[Mystique]

Originally Posted by Mystique

Pardon me for backtracking some, I barely get time to breathe, let alone spend some hours typing and reading here. I’ve noticed that it’s gone to some notes for Cipher on his end.
(16 and in American HS? Just focus on grades, networking and making friends then get the hell out)
Use the time to build confidence and understand who you are as a person, and then others will see that in your good points and qualities.
Be good to yourself and others will be good to you.

At least quote me in reference, rather than out if you wanna make a point.
That was my advice to Cipher, given the tone and negativity of his replies lately.
Methinks he needs more focus on himself and building his own self esteem so he has somewhat of a foundation with communciation and platonic relationships when he goes to uni.
High school is just a stage where you're interacting with people at their most unstable, immature, irrational and whimsical. If a person can ride that wave of hormone madness and youth chaos then great, however if a person is by the sideline of it, then use the environment to benefit you in other ways before pursuing romantic interests.

Least for me, when I was done with HS at 16, going into 6th form was like a new 'mature' and calmer world.
Another clean slate and chance to make new mates and perhaps more, so sometimes that helps with your own motivation to pursue something

PS:
*laughs* Whoever left me the comment bout my avvy being annoying, at least sign the comment with your name or drop a note on my profile. xD
But 'thanks' for the point
MJ will stay for a whee while since Aug is a special month in relation to him, so I'm afraid you'll be annoyed for a lil while longer~

[Cipher]

Originally Posted by Ledgem

I don't say this to be condescending - understand that I'm coming from a medical environment where neuroscience research (including autism) is big stuff, albeit not my research area, but - have you ever considered getting tested for autism spectrum disorder? Autistism manifests in a variety of ways. The fact that you're here on this forum, conversing with us, proves that you're what would be called "high functioning." Yet if you truly don't take much of an interest in interacting with other people (which is the message I'm getting from you), perhaps you have Asperger's or something related. Getting tested for it would be more informative than not, I suppose. Having it and being high-functioning doesn't mean you need to undergo treatment, but I'd think it'd be rather informative. It'd at least let you realize why many people seem to feel one way while you feel differently... that sort of thing.

First of all, Thank you. I did feel intermittently that there might be something neurologically wrong with me. My prioritizing measures are showing to be abnormal at times. I will try to confirm this with a doctor.

Or, it's possible that you've just been a lone wolf type for a while and have yet to experience truly rewarding relationships. As I've mentioned before, I don't think I was too far off from where you are now, back when I was in high school. Grade school in general was a pretty miserable place. There may be changes in the future later on... you'll find out.

I am not a very sociable person at school but "lone wolf" is just an over description. As many people plainly know, schools are boring. To counter that boredom, social interaction was in order but it was/is really better described as "automatic": more of a sensual feeling than a thought. But I'll be honest, I did experience the "lone wolf" status about a year ago. It was awfully abashed, concerning, arid, yawny and comfortless...but nonetheless, an experienced I have grown and learned from.

That's a strange question to ask, but I'll tell you: like nearly all things in life, it's relative. People who aren't in a relationship desperately want to be in one; people who are in a relationship can very easily take it for granted.

What about people who aren't in a relationship but does not mind it? There are several of those in the world no? Surely there are...unless...I truly am mentally disabled.

For many girls, they feel that they'll be seen as losers/undesirables unless they're dating someone.

That's very...illogical. Do you have the answer to as to why? or how?

Yet, I wouldn't make a comparison to drugs, because what you can get out of drugs vs. a healthy relationship is simply incomparable.

True but my active use of the word, drug, was for the soft illumination of its relation with addiction, notwithstanding, considering their differences, it might be insignificant.

Originally Posted by Mystique

(16 and in American HS? Just focus on grades, networking and making friends then get the hell out)
Use the time to build confidence and understand who you are as a person, and then others will see that in your good points and qualities.
Be good to yourself and others will be good to you.

I see. Recently, due to the change in environment, mating felt a little important. But enough of that, mollifying my own mental and physical situation leads.

PS:
*laughs* Whoever left me the comment bout my avvy being annoying, at least sign the comment with your name or drop a note on my profile. xD
But 'thanks' for the point
MJ will stay for a whee while since Aug is a special month in relation to him, so I'm afraid you'll be annoyed for a lil while longer~
__________________

I confess, I'm the culprit. Not leaving a sign or a note and adding a point to your rep was out of fear of a negative reaction. The desire to express the agony and torment of having to stupidly and yet addictive-ly audience Michael Jackson's repetitive, very patterned, and gesticulating motion, an experience I would not want you to let others experience, became direly cumbersome to not express.

[Ledgem]

Originally Posted by Cipher

First of all, Thank you. I did feel intermittently that there might be something neurologically wrong with me. My prioritizing measures are showing to be abnormal at times. I will try to confirm this with a doctor.

You may want to check with a psychiatrist, if possible. Pediatricians and possibly general practitioners aren't very effectively able to pick up on psychological conditions, according to surveys and such. You may want to ask your doctor for a referral, or see if he can read up on it a bit and find out the methodology of testing.

Thanks to some of my fiancee's clinical research on autism, I know some of the diagnostic procedures for young children. I'm not aware of the testing measures for young adults and older, I'm afraid, and they're bound to be very different.

Originally Posted by Cipher

What about people who aren't in a relationship but does not mind it? There are several of those in the world no? Surely there are...unless...I truly am mentally disabled.

Of course, there are plenty. You asked how much I value romantic relationships, and that was my answer. I myself am different from what I'd consider "the average person" when it comes to values and expectations, so you shouldn't take my opinion as an end-all, be-all opinion. Nobody's opinion should count as being the "right" way - but I probably don't even need to say that, I'd bet that you already know it. You seem like the thoughtful type.

And again, it's fine if you have little to no interest in relationships, whether now or for the rest of your life. Different things make different people happy. As I've remarked before, do be aware that the way you feel now may not be the way you'll feel later on. When I was in high school I toyed with the idea of dating, but never did it. It felt like it'd be a waste of time. My approach was very logical, I think you'd agree: my high school was small, so I figured that the chances of my finding high compatibility with someone in my selection (~50 ladies) was lower than what I was likely to encounter later; furthermore, we'd part ways during college, almost certainly, which would be painful and would hold us back from meeting and dating other people. So I didn't feel like I was missing out on anything.

On the other hand, hitting university was different. It felt like dating would be a good experience; it was something I wanted to try, and the timing seemed right. I wasn't craving it badly enough to make massive life changes in a short period of time, but occasionally the desire did become a bit painful (silly as it sounds, I wasn't able to finish watching Kimi ga Nozomu Eien because it made me feel incredibly depressed about the lack of dating in my life, as an example).

There's been an incredible transition in the type of person that I used to be versus the type of person that I am now. I'd started keeping a journal around the end of high school and through college, and still use it now; it's interesting to go back and read the older entries. Being able to see what has (and what hasn't) changed is very interesting.

Originally Posted by Cipher

That's very...illogical. Do you have the answer to as to why? or how?

First, the joke among men is that women are 100% illogical. It's not completely true, but there is a slight bit of truth in it. That is, on average, men are a bit more "logic"-based whereas women are more "emotion"-based. (Both genders have their extremes, of course - some women are very un-emotional while some men are highly emotional.) So, don't approach this from an overly rational point of vew.

If you want to rationalize it, the reason can be broken down into superficial and psychological ones. On a superficial scale, dating someone, for what ever reason, elevates your social status.
1) Consider that people with no friends are considered to be potential losers: this is likely because it would be assumed that there's something unlikeable about them or that there's something wrong with them, and that's the reason that they have no friends. Having friends implies that you're likeable and/or respectable. Given this simplistic view on it, the more friends you have, the more likeable/respectable you must be.

Being in a relationship is the ultimate friendship, you could say. Unless you and your partner are both very low in social standing, being in a relationship shows that you're not only capable of connecting with other people, but that you were attractive enough to get the attention of someone from the opposite sex. It's almost a manifestation of being the ultimate likeable and ultimate respectable, although the scale is somewhat different from friendship.

Perhaps more importantly, relationships (especially with attractive partners) are something that nearly everyone yearns for, yet few seem to have. A woman who is paired with a handsome man may utilize him as though he were a rare and expensive piece of jewelry, whether intentionally or not. She may derive pleasure from seeing her friends (and other women) envious of her.

2) From a psychological standpoint, I'll have to say that I'm a male, so my view of this will likely be warped. However, there's very certainly a comfort in knowing that there's someone who felt that you were beautiful enough to bond to. Even if a relationship is bad, as long as the man is still in the relationship at all, it shows some level of committment. That can reaffirm a woman's self-worth.

Of course, that last bit isn't limited to women - men are susceptible to that just as much. But again, men are stereotyped as being more about logic and physical interactions, thus breaking up with someone when things aren't fun or easy anymore would just seem like the right thing to do. From a more emotional standpoint, it's likely much more difficult to do... although I don't particularly understand it, myself.

[Throne Invader]

Hi everyone! There's this idea I just heard of that my friend brought up and I was curious if it was true and if it is, what's the psychologic stuff behind it?

" Some people who have boyfriends and girlfriends are insecure" - Of course we shouldn't assume that this is/could be the reason behind most/all relationships but I just need to get some opinions because I'm really eager to know if there is some truth to this.

[Ledgem]

Originally Posted by FragrantFlora

Hi everyone! There's this idea I just heard of that my friend brought up and I was curious if it was true and if it is, what's the psychologic stuff behind it?

" Some people who have boyfriends and girlfriends are insecure" - Of course we shouldn't assume that this is/could be the reason behind most/all relationships but I just need to get some opinions because I'm really eager to know if there is some truth to this.

"Insecurity" is a bit ambigious there - do you mean that people who are in a relationship are insecure about the relationship itself, or that they seek out the relationship because they're naturally insecure about themselves? In either case, sure there's truth in it.

Based on the wording in your second part of the sentence I'm guessing you're asking about the latter. The psychology behind it is somewhat similar to what I wrote to Cypher above:

Consider that people with no friends are considered to be potential losers: this is likely because it would be assumed that there's something unlikeable about them or that there's something wrong with them, and that's the reason that they have no friends. Having friends implies that you're likeable and/or respectable. Given this simplistic view on it, the more friends you have, the more likeable/respectable you must be.

Being in a relationship is the ultimate friendship, you could say. Unless you and your partner are both very low in social standing, being in a relationship shows that you're not only capable of connecting with other people, but that you were attractive enough to get the attention of someone from the opposite sex. It's almost a manifestation of being the ultimate likeable and ultimate respectable, although the scale is somewhat different from friendship.

In other words, not being in a relationship may cause you to worry that others would view you as deficient or undesirable in some form. If you're worrying that others would view you that way, you're likely to start viewing yourself that way, too. Thus, in order to feel like you're worth anything, you feel like you need to be with someone - anyone (and in those cases, having someone who's a loser and more desperate than you are may be nice for you, because then you can snub them and mistreat them without facing any repraisal - which just makes you feel like you're not the desperate one, they are, and you glorify in being above them. Unhealthy relationship.)

Long story short, while people like that can change (anyone can change), they're more likely to form poor relationships. They're best avoided.

[Cipher]

Originally Posted by Ledgem

If you want to rationalize it, the reason can be broken down into superficial and psychological ones. On a superficial scale, dating someone, for what ever reason, elevates your social status.
1) Consider that people with no friends are considered to be potential losers: this is likely because it would be assumed that there's something unlikeable about them or that there's something wrong with them, and that's the reason that they have no friends. Having friends implies that you're likeable and/or respectable. Given this simplistic view on it, the more friends you have, the more likeable/respectable you must be.

Being in a relationship is the ultimate friendship, you could say. Unless you and your partner are both very low in social standing, being in a relationship shows that you're not only capable of connecting with other people, but that you were attractive enough to get the attention of someone from the opposite sex. It's almost a manifestation of being the ultimate likeable and ultimate respectable, although the scale is somewhat different from friendship.

Perhaps more importantly, relationships (especially with attractive partners) are something that nearly everyone yearns for, yet few seem to have. A woman who is paired with a handsome man may utilize him as though he were a rare and expensive piece of jewelry, whether intentionally or not. She may derive pleasure from seeing her friends (and other women) envious of her.

2) From a psychological standpoint, I'll have to say that I'm a male, so my view of this will likely be warped. However, there's very certainly a comfort in knowing that there's someone who felt that you were beautiful enough to bond to. Even if a relationship is bad, as long as the man is still in the relationship at all, it shows some level of committment. That can reaffirm a woman's self-worth.

Of course, that last bit isn't limited to women - men are susceptible to that just as much. But again, men are stereotyped as being more about logic and physical interactions, thus breaking up with someone when things aren't fun or easy anymore would just seem like the right thing to do. From a more emotional standpoint, it's likely much more difficult to do... although I don't particularly understand it, myself. .

It's unnatural and surprising how many(is it?) relationship-hungry individuals originates from super self-consciousness. Its also suspicious in some manner. Is this trait human? Is society to be blame for? or is this the really the average reason of their behaviors? or is this really even fact?

Originally Posted by FragrantFlora

Hi everyone! There's this idea I just heard of that my friend brought up and I was curious if it was true and if it is, what's the psychologic stuff behind it?

" Some people who have boyfriends and girlfriends are insecure" - Of course we shouldn't assume that this is/could be the reason behind most/all relationships but I just need to get some opinions because I'm really eager to know if there is some truth to this.

Well its certainly natural for a population of 6.776 billion to have some abnormality here and there.Some do have intimate relations out of social insecurity. That would be my seemingly dumb answer.
But if this "some" is described in a larger extent, my answer would be no. Although, I doubt my opinion would matter understanding that I'm highly not qualified. Even though I've said that, opinions are opinions.

[Dilla]

Originally Posted by FragrantFlora

Hi everyone! There's this idea I just heard of that my friend brought up and I was curious if it was true and if it is, what's the psychologic stuff behind it?

" Some people who have boyfriends and girlfriends are insecure" - Of course we shouldn't assume that this is/could be the reason behind most/all relationships but I just need to get some opinions because I'm really eager to know if there is some truth to this.

Well, I know some older people who sought out relationships simply because they were insecure about being alone. And I can understand were they are coming from, especially after going into the workforce after school. Coming home from a long day at work to a cold, empty home everyday is not cool to some people. The longer you stay by yourself, you begin to picture yourself being alone in your later years of life more and more.

[Cipher]

Originally Posted by Dilla

Well, I know some older people who sought out relationships simply because they were insecure about being alone. And I can understand were they are coming from, especially after going into the workforce after school. Coming home from a long day at work to a cold, empty home everyday is not cool to some people. The longer you stay by yourself, you begin to picture yourself being alone in your later years of life more and more.

I don't see that with today's youth though.

[0utf0xZer0]

Originally Posted by Mystique

For the white guy/Asian women stereotype, it does seems to typically be this weird idea that white guys will typically have more success with Asian races cause they're smaller, more docile, "tamed" and obedient and ''cute'. More a trend, fascination associated with their hobbies related to that culture?
Perhaps.

While I wouldn't consider myself to have a "fetish" for asian girls like one of my friends does, I do find many asian girls quite attractive, so I feel that I should maybe give my thoughts on this.

First, I can't really comment on the docile/tamed/obediant thing, because I never really assimilated that stereotype. This is probably because I grew up in Vancouver - a city that has a huge Canadianized Asian population whose kids were born and raised here. From a personality standpoint, I never really noticed a big different between these Canadian born asians and Canadians of other races. Maybe a little more academically inclined in general, but believe it or not I knew some asians who weren't considered good students in school too.

I'll admit that watching anime did make me start paying more attention to asian girls - many of the best cosplayers at my local con are asian. But I think it's easy to overestimate the influence of this factor: while the girls I liked in high school were not asian, they tended to be small in stature and sometimes build as well. So it makes sense to me that I'd gravitate towards asians to some extent as well.

Cute is definately a big factor. I've always preferred cute to hot.

Other factors:

-Asian girls tend to have faces that look young, yet you can still clearly tell they're adults. I find that quite attractive. (I'm hoping nobody considers me a creep for saying that. When people say that a 20 year old asian girl looks fourteen, I typically find myself thinking "I would have guessed eighteen myself" and then "she's really cute". In fact, I often have trouble wrapping my head around the idea that people think these sort of girls look fourteen. And BTW, if you put aside loli, I think that moe aesthetics can be considered an idealization of this sort of "sexually mature but youthful" look. Perhaps unsurprisingly, I don't consider being attracted to either youthful looking asian or non-loli moe characters to have any relation to pedophilia.)

-In my experience, they're less likely than other races to be overweight, which I also find attractive.

-Socio-economic status: There's the stereotype of asians as wealthy, which to me comes across as at least somewhat true in Vancouver. This is a double edged sword though: I do prefer girls who have some money of their own, but I also tend to be a saver and find people who flaunt their money very unattractive.

-Sheer exoticness: Even with having grown up with some asians around, I still find that they often look very striking. Although redheads sometimes come across as even more so. I think that for guys who live in cities without large asian populations, this probably plays a huge impact.

And finally, I also remember reading an article a while back that suggested that the whole "opposites attract" thing might have a biological basis in that partners with quite different genetic code tend to have offspring with stronger immune systems - and while I'm not geneticist, it strike me that I probably have less genes in common with an asian girl than a European one.

[jonli]

^ You my sir is what we call a rice chaser.

[deathreape98]

And finally, I also remember reading an article a while back that suggested that the whole "opposites attract" thing might have a biological basis in that partners with quite different genetic code tend to have offspring with stronger immune systems - and while I'm not geneticist, it strike me that I probably have less genes in common with an asian girl than a European one.

My biology class was shown a video on this, where girls were told to smell boxes. They didn't know what was in the boxes, but they had to say what appealed to them the most. Inside the boxes were worn shirts of men of different races. They found that the majority of the women said that they liked the smell of shirts of other races better than one of their own race.

[0utf0xZer0]

Originally Posted by jonli

^ You my sir is what we call a rice chaser.

Or just a guy with a preference for asians who happens to be way too self analytical.

(No seriously, the amount of time I spend thinking about why I like stuff I do is just ridiculous.)

Originally Posted by deathreape98

My biology class was shown a video on this, where girls were told to smell boxes. They didn't know what was in the boxes, but they had to say what appealed to them the most. Inside the boxes were worn shirts of men of different races. They found that the majority of the women said that they liked the smell of shirts of other races better than one of their own race.

Interesting... kind of supports one of the researchers quote in the article I read, who thought it might be a pheromone thing.

Of course, then you have freaks like me for whom a good cosplay is more powerful than any pheromone.

[Samari]

A lot of the Asian girls here in San Francisco (highest percentage of Asians within a concentrated area in the U.S. I believe) dress very skimpy sometimes. Seriously, it will be like 50 degrees and windy outside and I'll see a girl in a miniskirt or extremely short shorts. This skinny Korean girl's ass was practically hanging out when I saw her on the bus one time.

[stubby42]

To be honest thats more of a global thing, british girls and european girls dress exactly the same, its only north american girls that dress more conservatively.

[jonli]

Asian girls are very different these days.

I don't really want to generalize but they've made a couple documentaries about how asian societies have evolved sexually. I've seen the Hong Kong one and the Japanese one, the women in those documentaries are ABSOLUTELY different from what I'd imagine to be an asian women.

It's sad...

[Ledgem]

Originally Posted by Cipher

It's unnatural and surprising how many(is it?) relationship-hungry individuals originates from super self-consciousness. Its also suspicious in some manner. Is this trait human? Is society to be blame for? or is this the really the average reason of their behaviors? or is this really even fact?

What makes you say that it's unnatural? Also, it's hard to say whether it's a society thing. After all, we're approaching this from the vantage point of western society. In other societies where the thinking is quite different, I wouldn't be surprised to find that there's a difference.

[H23]

Originally Posted by jonli

^ You my sir is what we call a rice chaser.

LAWL. That's awesome

[Dakota]

We are all on an Anime forum talking about dating.

If you're reading this, accept the fact that there is little hope for dating (and everything beyond that) as I did.

[Mystique]

Originally Posted by Dakota

We are all on an Anime forum talking about dating.

If you're reading this, accept the fact that there is little hope for dating (and everything beyond that) as I did.

We're also on an anime forum discussing politics, hobbies, films, relationships, health problems, language studies (wanna dig deeper into the GC thread?)
Accept the fact that there are a variety of people, both married and single, both young and older, both well adjusted and crazy, from all races, all cultures around the world participating here as I have

Anime takes a backstep somewhat in the 'general chat' hence the nae of the section, so if you really wanna seek advice or discuss some aspects of your life that you feel unhappy with in regards to dating, feel free, otherwise there's no point for the post to be honest.

[Dakota]

Originally Posted by Mystique

tl;dr

did not give me hope