2010-04-02, 18:05 | Link #4061 | |
Counting days
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Not even close to the Caribbean anymore
|
Quote:
Normally, even when the love doesn't go away or shouldn't, the bubble of excitement subsides and the couple settles in into a pattern of married life that can be either good or bad, depending on the couple. Some can start getting annoyed at some of the spouse's habits (Example: Socks around the carpet, underwear hanging in all the wrong places, he/she leaves crumbs on the keyboard and around the computer, cans of beer or coke in all places around the house except the recycling bin, one in the couple leaves all the chores to the other and simply watches TV/plays videogames/surfs the internet, etc.) The annoying habits then seem to go in crescendo and one of the spouses might start to resent and wonder why he/she married the other. Of course, the ideal is that both would reach an agreement. You seem very faithful and that's very good. Hope you can be happy with a good girl some day. ^^ And nope, I don't have ex in FB or anything like it. The only IM where he is not blocked is skype because he talks to his daughters using voice/webcam sometimes. And no, definitely not inviting him to wedding unless I've gone mad. Funnily enough, I did invite an ex bf to my first wedding, but it was because we were in friendly terms and he was already married and with a kid then.
__________________
|
|
2010-04-02, 18:38 | Link #4062 | ||
Honyaku no Hime
Fansubber
Join Date: May 2008
Location: In the eastern capital of the islands of the rising suns...
|
Quote:
In other words, you adapt Which to this day, you've done so pretty well and have fought a lot of battles to be together, as long as neither one of you gets lazy with your relationship, you'll be fine. ^^ Now go and find that Sheimi who was determined to surpass hell or high water to marry the man she loves Quote:
It's not even a problem unless you cannot put closure on that side of your life and move into a new one with your fiance. @RB - He may be angrier if he finds out from the side, but it's none of his business since it doesn't affect his access to his kids (the only link he has with Sheimi) in any way. Her ex and Sheimi herself are over, there is no more to keep contact with in terms of each others lives and if he cannot understand that should he find out later, then her kids fear is all the more justified. Besides, he has no grounds to throw a fit. So Sheimi doesn't tell him, what's he gonna say, that she betrayed him? (As you can sense, I've no love lost for the role he played in Sheimi's life, she should close that door as well and walk on)
__________________
|
||
2010-04-02, 20:21 | Link #4063 | |
Counting days
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Not even close to the Caribbean anymore
|
Quote:
But yeah, I won't say a thing myself, but will see how I can still let my ex know at least that I'm moving. Yes, I can put closure and have a new life with my fiancé, but I cannot deny my ex contact with his daughters and he will probably want to travel to see them and send them stuff as he has done till now. (That is one other think I have to work on because I have no intention of having him know where I'll live. He will only get a P.O. Box address for sending stuff.) It's like my oldest once said when she was 5: "I know he made you suffer, but he will always be my father."
__________________
|
|
2010-04-02, 20:58 | Link #4064 |
Presence
Join Date: Jun 2009
|
Shiemi:
A big reason why marriages fail is because of too much expectations about what a marriage is or what a marriage should be. We've been raised in a society where so much meaning has been attached to the word "marriage" from the first time you heard the word and all through your entire life. That's why when people bring those beliefs into their real marriage, it can really mess up their relationships since reality doesn’t match up to their expectations (which they shouldn’t have anyway). The divorce rate in the US is around 50%. You can’t say it stands up to what people believe is supposed to be “the union” can you? To me, marriage is for lovers who want to share, grow, and magnify their love together – what they were pretty much already doing before they got married. In fact, some couples get married because they felt that calling each other their “boyfriend” and “girlfriend” sounded kind of awkward after five or six years, and they continue their relationship and live as they did before except now they get to call each other their husband or wife. Some couples who were in open relationships get married and continue to enjoy their open relationship except now they’ve strengthened their bond even more. The form of the marriage isn’t important. The relationship doesn’t have to change in some seriously fundamental way. Nor do you have to necessarily “give up your freedom.” What matters is that the relationship continues to serve you and your partner in sharing your love and growing together in whichever way that most opens you – which is (hopefully) why you’re together in the first place, and what you’ve already been doing up to this point. |
2010-04-02, 21:07 | Link #4065 |
PolyPerson!
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Northern VA
|
along w/ the above, I have to note, while people scoff at hubby and I calling one another best friends, nothing, and I mean nothing, other than doing our taxes, has changed since we got legally married. We could easily have simply lived together for the last 14 years w/o a binding contract, and it'd be the same.
__________________
|
2010-04-02, 21:47 | Link #4066 | ||||
The AnimeSuki Pet kitten
IT Support
|
Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
Hope it helps . I got another issue of mine lurking around the corner really soon, and if I feel like it I might just ask around here.
__________________
|
||||
2010-04-02, 22:04 | Link #4067 | |
I don't give a damn, dude
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: In Despair
Age: 37
|
Quote:
|
|
2010-04-02, 23:12 | Link #4070 | |
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
|
Quote:
It's great that you can forget about bad things that happened in the past, but it doesn't sound as easy especially if it was really bad (a divorce is just one example). It can take alot longer for some to get over a bad event especially when it affects more than one person. But it can hurt alot more when you keep remembering the bad things. It's OK to think of others rather than think of yourself once in a while, but sooner or later, you have to think of yourself and your family. You never know when someone is trying to take advantage of your kindness.
__________________
Last edited by hinakatbklyn; 2010-04-03 at 09:03. |
|
2010-04-03, 08:32 | Link #4071 |
Counting days
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Not even close to the Caribbean anymore
|
Thanks, Lio and Harufox. Been feeling better and more confident.
Ascaloth, lol. Hope you help your girl be a little selfish from time to time too. hinakatbklyn, One of the reasons I stayed for years in an abusive relationship was because I kept forgiving and forgiving. It was a vicious circle. I'm really glad I was able to get out of that. I needed help from others and support so that I wouldn't go back at some point. But yeah, one of the main reasons I was able to leave completely was my daughters. I didn't want them to grow in such a household.
__________________
|
2010-04-03, 08:45 | Link #4072 | ||
NYAAAAHAAANNNNN~
Join Date: Nov 2007
Age: 35
|
Quote:
Quote:
P.S Looks like I managed to convince that cute little thing that I felt like a big brother to her rather than loving her. Seems that she is desperate after seeing all her friends being attached, and she alone wasn't. Though I feel a little guilty for rejecting her outright after she busted that question. And I was right. Those girls egged her on! EDIT : Just to add that I called her just now. It is like.....we had nothing to talk about, just exchanging "are you ok?" and "hmm ok". Is it alright to leave her alone in her house like that?
__________________
Last edited by SaintessHeart; 2010-04-03 at 11:05. |
||
2010-04-03, 08:47 | Link #4073 | |
Honyaku no Hime
Fansubber
Join Date: May 2008
Location: In the eastern capital of the islands of the rising suns...
|
Quote:
That's fine. You've forgiven him, great. Now concentrate on your wedding and leave him out of it. I don't see what difference it makes for him to know, cept for him to potentially screw things up for you before the wedding (and I wouldn't put it past him). Should you get married, settle in, the kids still keep in contact, it'll only be until he wants to send something and needs an address that the topic will come up and sure then you can say: 'I've left PR now, got married and settled in the US. As you've noticed, nothing has changed with you and the kids so there's nothing to discuss, except giving you a new address so they can receive items from you.' You really have to stand your ground Sheimi. It isn't being extreme and cutting him off so your kids don't hear from him anymore, but it's keeping him in check as to not disturb your happiness and future. You do not owe him anything, so whether he hears it now or later doesn't matter, nor should he flip out as long as the relationship and access between his kids remains the same, which I know you have no issues with. That's about it, it doesn't become a complicated issue unless you wanna make it, lol. Forgiving easily is one thing, but allowing a negative force to remain in your life after forgiving is where it gets stupid. Sadly for those who forgive easily, they also just 'continue as always'. Why is it bad? Cause humanity has a tendancy to prey on the weak and good, so basically you'll be used, abused, chewed and spat out. It needs a balance. You can be kind natured, non violent, polite, sweet and kind, but you also need to know how to hold your ground, when 'enough is enough', when to say 'no' and when to be strong. (Speaking emotionally and mentally here) The toughest thing is being strong as many women (I'm speaking from a female p.o.v) are afraid to speak out or retort, or let their own lack of self confidence whisper negative thoughts in their minds and believe they have zero worth. Within dating, this could also apply in terms of following your instincts if something feels wrong, or if one person is moving too fast and you feel uncomfortable, you tell them (or someone) about it, rather than freaking out and falling into a dangerous situation.
__________________
|
|
2010-04-03, 12:16 | Link #4074 |
NYAAAAHAAANNNNN~
Join Date: Nov 2007
Age: 35
|
As of just now, I received a (maybe two?) long distance calls at 1AM in the bloody morning from a madwoman screaming down the line verbal abuses and threats with regards to me rejecting her sister. When she asked me why, I told her the truth (that I liked her) : so she went "ARRRRGGGHHH!" like a rampaging female barbarian and hung up.
Half an hour later, she called me back (this ojou sure has alot of dosh) and broke my heart with two things : 1. She told me that she wasn't interested in me. She saw me as her gay male best friend... 2. who could only act more manly if I fulfilled Ascaloth's prediction. In fact, I am surprised that she understood why I rejected her sis outright. And she agreed that her sister wasn't ready to have a boyfriend yet : that girl would just get cheated out of her virginity. Miss Tsundere says she will talk to her sis, and as usual, her ending words for me is a threat, "If you do anything stupid to my sis, I will cut you up." "With what? A katana? A cleaver?" "No, a bonesaw." So what do I do next? Cut myself because I am being perceived as a gay by a girl I like? Btw what is the bloody time now over at UK anyway?
__________________
|
2010-04-03, 12:43 | Link #4075 |
close to insanity
Author
|
just end your suffering and forget about those 2.
they're obviously both nut cases, so your better of without them. just try to find a girl that doesn't hurt you or threaten to hurt you, that isn't completely insane and be happy with her. but FORGET about this 1, for it pointless now. she doesn't see it happening a relationship between you and her. and about the gay part, she's just tryïng to mess with you. she knows its painful for a guy to be called gay.
__________________
|
2010-04-03, 13:10 | Link #4076 |
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
|
@SaintessHeart: Do you really want to go that far to try and win someone over even though it's going to give you alot of stress in the long run? It's OK if you do, but if you don't already know this already, it will take an awful lot of patience on your part from what you're saying and what your girlfriend was saying. And if you do have to pick one over the other, hope for the best but expect the worst.
Then again, if you don't have the patience, it may be better to let both go. I've never handled arguments very well (I just let the otherside yell away). I may be willing to compromise in a relationship, but not when the other does not have the time or patience to listen (especially when threats are involved). Being nice and all is fine, but not when they don't appreciate it.
__________________
|
2010-04-03, 13:44 | Link #4077 | ||
Counting days
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Not even close to the Caribbean anymore
|
Quote:
It's difficult, but like others have said, I don't think she is right for you and you should move on. The fact that she told you she is not interested in you should be the best ticket in starting a process of forgetting. Little sister is no better for reasons you yourself have stated. I hope you are strong and manage. Good luck! Quote:
__________________
|
||
2010-04-03, 17:17 | Link #4078 | |
Kouta...
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: England
Age: 29
|
Quote:
I can fall out with someone but I can't hold grudges. and i'll get lonely after (about 3 minutes was the earliest) a few hours and want to make friends again. I also met someone through youtube, she has quite a few problems. and i've been talking to her and giving her advice. She admited to me when i met her that she cut herself, but shes telling me she isnt doing it now. I'm trying to keep her sane and im getting her to look at the finer points of life. and to keep this post on topic. Sainteness.. I can fully sympethise with you.. -.-' The girl that I like is a part tsundere. She's kind, funny, she shares stories and secrets with me. but. Most of the time she abusive and rude. She is quite sad a lot of the time and if i ask "how are you?" Or "are you ok?" she gets annoyed by the question. It's extremely difficult, but because i care for her i'm trying to at least be there for when she wants to talk, and I offer her advice when she needs it. she just needs time, I think. Oh, and sainteness... Don't give up . I think, the trick with tsunderes is to agree to what they say, and play on their sympathetic side. Also when talking to her try to be perfectly clear on what you are saying and be clear on what your intentions are. More arguments with tsunderes are caused by misunderstandings than anything else. Also, you might like the idea of doing something nice for her.. Maybe try buying something you know she wants.Or if you dont have the means, try doing something romantic. for example, when the time arises, say something from the bottom of your heart, about why you love her or that shes important to you, or how she a special person in your life. something like that. assuming she is speechless, If it was me I would give her a kiss or a hug and walk away with a "I'm off. Cya." And if she shouts right back at you, then maybe say something slightly harsh. maybe something like.. "Well I'm sorry for caring about you!" Anyway. Do these at your own risk, i dont know your relationship with her. Goodluck man.
__________________
|
|
2010-04-03, 17:34 | Link #4079 |
Senior Guest
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Athens (GMT+2)
Age: 35
|
If you somehow enjoy her company, stay friends...otherwise just end it. Can't get along with everyone on the planet, she isn't making it any easier for you, and the whole little sis thing must be rather stressful. In the end, you didn't even get a thanks after all the crap you were put through...sucks
|
2010-04-03, 18:50 | Link #4080 | |
カカシ
|
Quote:
|
|
Tags |
advice, break-ups, dating, dating after divorce, divorce, happiness, love, pairings, single dad, single mom |
|
|