A Laugh A Day

[jedinat]

Originally Posted by gummybear

so what is wrong with it that you have to object?

I dunno... maybe all the extreme sacrilege? lol

[gummybear]

Originally Posted by jedinat

I dunno... maybe all the extreme sacrilege? lol

awwww
But then Jesus get to kick butt Blade style in this one at the end, doesn't it evens out?

[deathreape98]

Originally Posted by Oneesama

do you know it takes 17 muscles to smile yet 43 muscles to frown?<--correct me if I am wrong

do you know people say: if you laugh 3 times a day keeps your family doctor away? (ok... i make tat up.... it was from my mom XD )
but FACTS: laugh have the ability to cope with major illness and the stress of life's problems. also bring balance to all the components of the immune system, which helps us fight off diseases. ^^ so

>>>>>SO THIS THREAD IS FOR YOU TO RELAX AND LAUGH AWAY<<<<<

p.s. Do you also know a person who studies laughter is called a Gelotologist ^^
--> I didnt know there was such occupation

hm........
1st attempt

A boy wrote this letter home from Camp:
Drear Mom and Dad:
Gue$$ what I need? Plea$e $end $ome $oon.
Be$t Wi$he$
Your $on $ammy

His parents wrote back:
Dear Sammy:
NOthing much is happening here. Please write aNOther letter soon. Bye for NOw. Love, Mom and Dad

2nd attempt

Counselor: how did you get that horrible swelling on your nose?
Jimmy: I bent over to smell a brose.
Counselor: There is no b in rose.
Jimmy held up a rose: There was in this one.

haha..... hope that make you laugh

hahahha...hahaha...haha...ha.... ok, it wasnt funny. ill be blunt, all the jokes on the first page sucked. didnt bother reading anymore pages:P

[rei]

Postman: Excuse me, is this Mr. Smith's house?

Mr. Smith: Yes, it is. I'm Mr. Smith.

Postman: Oh thank goodness! I had a hard time trying to find this house. This is for you *handing over a letter*

Mr. Smith: Oh, thank you so much for your trouble. But if you had a hard time trying to find my house, why don't you just send it to the post office?

Postman:

[gummybear]

[KNETTER2000]

this made me mess up my monitor with coke..

[Risaa]

I am so sorry for posting this. It just makes me crack up everytime I see it. (This is graffiti found in SF.) XD

[ibreatheanime]

Heres a terrible joke I heard the other day.

Why can a bike not stand up on its own?



punchline:Because its two tired(too tired)

Its terrible, I know.

[KNETTER2000]

I guess it;s not really a laugh, but more of a selftest :P

If you can pronounce correctly every word in this poem, you will be speaking English better than 90% of the native English speakers in the world. After trying the verses, a Frenchman said he'd prefer six months of hard labour to reading six lines aloud. Try them yourself.


Dearest creature in creation,
Study English pronunciation.
I will teach you in my verse
Sounds like corpse, corps, horse, and worse.
I will keep you, Suzy, busy,
Make your head with heat grow dizzy.
Tear in eye, your dress will tear.
So shall I! Oh hear my prayer.
Just compare heart, beard, and heard,
Dies and diet, lord and word,
Sword and sward, retain and Britain.
(Mind the latter, how it's written.)
Now I surely will not plague you
With such words as plaque and ague.
But be careful how you speak:
Say break and steak, but bleak and streak;
Cloven, oven, how and low,
Script, receipt, show, poem, and toe.
Hear me say, devoid of trickery,
Daughter, laughter, and Terpsichore,
Typhoid, measles, topsails, aisles,
Exiles, similes, and reviles;
Scholar, vicar, and cigar,
Solar, mica, war and far;
One, anemone, Balmoral,
Kitchen, lichen, laundry, laurel;
Gertrude, German, wind and mind,
Scene, Melpomene, mankind.
Billet does not rhyme with ballet,
Bouquet, wallet, mallet, chalet.
Blood and flood are not like food,
Nor is mould like should and would.
Viscous, viscount, load and broad,
Toward, to forward, to reward.
And your pronunciation's OK
When you correctly say croquet,
Rounded, wounded, grieve and sieve,
Friend and fiend, alive and live.
Ivy, privy, famous; clamour
And enamour rhyme with hammer.
River, rival, tomb, bomb, comb,
Doll and roll and some and home.
Stranger does not rhyme with anger,
Neither does devour with clangour.
Souls but foul, haunt but aunt,
Font, front, wont, want, grand, and grant,
Shoes, goes, does. Now first say finger,
And then singer, ginger, linger,
Real, zeal, mauve, gauze, gouge and gauge,
Marriage, foliage, mirage, and age.
Query does not rhyme with very,
Nor does fury sound like bury.
Dost, lost, post and doth, cloth, loth.
Job, nob, bosom, transom, oath.
Though the differences seem little,
We say actual but victual.
Refer does not rhyme with deafer.
Foeffer does, and zephyr, heifer.
Mint, pint, senate and sedate;
Dull, bull, and George ate late.
Scenic, Arabic, Pacific,
Science, conscience, scientific.
Liberty, library, heave and heaven,
Rachel, ache, moustache, eleven.
We say hallowed, but allowed,
People, leopard, towed, but vowed.
Mark the differences, moreover,
Between mover, cover, clover;
Leeches, breeches, wise, precise,
Chalice, but police and lice;
Camel, constable, unstable,
Principle, disciple, label.
Petal, panel, and canal,
Wait, surprise, plait, promise, pal.
Worm and storm, chaise, chaos, chair,
Senator, spectator, mayor.
Tour, but our and succour, four.
Gas, alas, and Arkansas.
Sea, idea, Korea, area,
Psalm, Maria, but malaria.
Youth, south, southern, cleanse and clean.
Doctrine, turpentine, marine.
Compare alien with Italian,
Dandelion and battalion.
Sally with ally, yea, ye,
Eye, I, ay, aye, whey, and key.
Say aver, but ever, fever,
Neither, leisure, skein, deceiver.
Heron, granary, canary.
Crevice and device and aerie.
Face, but preface, not efface.
Phlegm, phlegmatic, ass, glass, bass.
Large, but target, gin, give, verging,
Ought, out, joust and scour, scourging.
Ear, but earn and wear and tear
Do not rhyme with here but ere.
Seven is right, but so is even,
Hyphen, roughen, nephew Stephen,
Monkey, donkey, Turk and jerk,
Ask, grasp, wasp, and cork and work.
Pronunciation (think of Psyche!)
Is a paling stout and spikey?
Won't it make you lose your wits,
Writing groats and saying grits?
It's a dark abyss or tunnel:
Strewn with stones, stowed, solace, gunwale,
Islington and Isle of Wight,
Housewife, verdict and indict.
Finally, which rhymes with enough,
Though, through, plough, or dough, or cough?
Hiccough has the sound of cup.
My advice is to give up!!!

[Spectacular_Insanity]

^^ Omg. O_o

[Aoie_Emesai]

Lol, and I read it all that damn thing too. 10/10

[Knightmare213]

Originally Posted by KNETTER2000

I guess it;s not really a laugh, but more of a selftest :P

Alrighty! I managed to read at least 95% of all the lines without screwing up! Good thing I'm an English Major already.

[KNETTER2000]

Originally Posted by Knightmare213

Alrighty! I managed to read at least 95% of all the lines without screwing up! Good thing I'm an English Major already.

major?.. majority? or is it mayor!

[KNETTER2000]

ouch!

[Spectacular_Insanity]

On the poem the only words I wasn't sure about were these:

Terpsichore (tehrp-SIH-kor-ee?)
Melpomene (mehl-POH-mee-nee?)
Foeffer (fo-EHF-ehr?)

But the rest were easy.

[Spectacular_Insanity]

Because I am extremely bored, here's a warning to you all:



Does anyone play Magic: The Gathering?

Spoiler for silly political statements:

[winry039]

one time my brother sat on a whoppie cusion while i was eating soup and it made me alugh so hard that the sou came out my nose

[KNETTER2000]

What would happen if Nintendo was owned by Microsoft

[Kisuke06]

I don't know if this has been posted already, but if you like Yu-Gi-Oh: The Abridged series(if you have never heard about it, go watch!)you will be amuzed be this:

Yu-Gi-Oh: The Abridged Movie coming soon!!!!!

Teaser 1: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wb4zF2etyS8
Teaser 2: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-U9fA__Mptk

[KNETTER2000]

This is one LONG pythagoras Suichi Rube Goldberg contraption

http://www.dumpert.nl/mediabase/1430...671/index.html

translation for title: "why some people remain virgins forever"