The Genderbending of Haruhi Suzumiya [Spoilers Aplenty]

[Roger Rambo]

Originally Posted by Kaisos Erranon

I finished the entire prologue, which turned out to be a giant chunk of text more than I bargained for. I think it's still worth reading if anyone's interested.

Honestly if we can just produce that alone, I'd be happy.


As for the person drawing sprite art, the best thing we ever had to an established standard was this (unfinished) height chart, done by a previous artist who, uh, disappeared.

Spoiler for in a spoiler because I cannot thumbnail images due to clinical retardation:

And hell because I think it's the best thing he ever drew I'll (re)post this too, for old time's sake.

Spoiler for so goddamn moe:

Very nice old finds Kaisos!


...though poor Kyonko ^^; I get the feeling when she ran into Shota Haruki, he was probably inclined to assume that he'd run into some Junior High school student like him running around in her older sisters school uniform for some reason.

[ijuinkun]

Yeah, it looks like Haruki has hit his growth spurt already by that point, since he's like 165 cm tall.

BTW: I like the collar on Kyonko's shirt in the second pic.

[z-one]

Originally Posted by Jintor

Spoiler for September the Third, Day 2, Universe A: Evening- Why is the Milk Gone?:

Why Is the Milk Gone?


"It's now evening. I'm going to the convenience store, again."

"Why? Well..."

"After I collapsed in the hallway, Itsuko had apparently screamed for help. Haruki, of all people, ended up finding us. According to Itsuko, he went into a huge panic... eventually, they took me to the Nurses's Office, where I regained consciousness, only to find out the school had called my father, who was also in a huge panic. He ended up taking me home himself."

"Ugh, how embarrassing..."

"To make it worse, as I was resting in bed at home, I got no less than five calls, all of them very much like this:"


Haruki: "Oi! You still feeling okay? If not, I could--"


"That was the part where I hung up."

"Can't I even have a moment's rest!?"

"When I finally got out of bed and went downstairs, hoping dinner would have been prepared already, I instead found my father complaining about missing food. Again."

"Not only has all the food he was going to prepare for dinner vanished, but the three cartons of milk he bought for 'preventative measures' have gone too!"

"What happened to your 'caring father' attitude from earlier!? Stop blaming me!"

"No, no, please, no comments about breast growth. Ye gods, you're obsessed! I'll go buy more groceries, so please, just, stop."

"And this is why I'm going to the convenience store, again. In the dark."

"The creepy, shadow-filled dark."

"And so, predictably..."


???: "Fancy meeting you here, young miss."

Kyonko: "Aaaah!"


"Standing beneath a streetlamp, where I swear he wasn't previously, is Mitsuuru Asahina-san."


Big Mitsuuru: "Yo."

Kyonko: "Oh, it's just you, Asahina-san. You gave me a heart attack."

Big Mitsuuru: "Oh, er, sorry about that."


"Asahina-san rubs the back of his head sheepishly. He's looking much, much better than he did last night."


Big Mitsuuru: "I managed to recover surprisingly quickly. But, more importantly, Kyon-chan. It happened again today, didn't it?"

Kyonko: "…Yeah, it did. But, I didn't disappear, I... I was in a school corridor, same as I was when the ripples began."

Big Mitsuuru: "Ripples?"


"He looks confused."


Kyonko: "Nothing. I just have no idea what's going on!"

Big Mitsuuru: "...I might have an idea. If you say you remember everything that happened... you might be disappearing from the timestream, but not in the way I was thinking of. You could be randomly being transported to another universe entirely."


"...It seems the slider has finally appeared."

"And it's me."

"Not something I anticipated, quite frankly."


Kyonko: "Wha--? Why me? Why is this happening to me?"


"Could this all be Haruki's doing? Hadn't the summer been enough fun for you?"

"I remember the names and faces of those two boys today. Could they be... no, no way."


Big Mitsuuru:" I don't know, but, depending on what the other world is like, you're going to need some protection."

Kyonko: "I really don't get the feeling it's that dangerous, but protection? What kind?"

Big Mitsuuru: "This."


"With a flourish, he pulls something out of his back pocket, and hands it to me."

"It's a metallic silver tube, intricately designed, with a couple of black and red buttons on one side. One end has some sort of flat crystal..."


Big Mitsuuru: "Ah, uh, I would not point that end at yourself when turning it on. You'll kill yourself."

Kyonko: "It's that dangerous!? How exactly do you expect me to use this without causing myself serious injury?!"

Big Mitsuuru: "Don't worry, I had it made special. When you turn it on, nanobots in the device will interface with your body, giving you unique expertise and control. It's a masterpiece."

Kyonko: "A masterpiece? A masterpiece? You just stole the idea from Star Wars! It's a lightsabre, isn't it?"

Big Mitsuuru: "Actually, technically speaking, I think Star Wars stole the idea from us..."

Kyonko: "Huh, really? What else are you capable of?"

Big Mitsuuru: "Sorry, that's [classified]. "


"He says with a grin."


Big Mitsuuru: "Anyway, I'll be going now, so see you around."

Kyonko: "Ah, okay. Good luck, Asahina-san."

Big Mitsuuru: "That should be my line."


"Asahina-san rounds the streetlamp he was leaning against... and doesn't come around the other side."

"Don't tell me..."

"I look. Yup, he's gone."

"…"

"...I just realized something. "

"Asahina-san never showed me how to turn it on."


"Later, after a late dinner, in my room."

"Let us all bow our heads in in respect for the late Asahina-san's superweapon, which is now lying in my hands in two pieces."

"It's not my fault... well, maybe it is."

"I was playing around with it, pressing random buttons in order to figure it out, when I must have twisted the wrong way, and..."

"Masterpiece of technology my ass!"

"Angry for little reason, I chuck the two pieces into my desk drawer, and flop down on my bed."

"ripple"


Kyonko: "...eeeekkk!"


"I scream, and jump to my feet."

"Just for a split second, maybe, I felt someone else lying right next to me, on my bed. My bed. I was touching them."

"Screw it, I'm not sleeping there tonight. I have no idea when this is going to happen again, and I'm not taking any chances."

"I'll sleep on the couch."

"Maybe tomorrow everything will turn out to have been a dream, and everything will be normal again."

"I'd welcome that about now."

"…"

*KSSSSSH*

Kyonko would do great as starkiller from star wars force unleashed.

[z-one]

Genderblending starkiller as Kyonko would be a great idea. A 5.1' girl running with duel lightsabers in attemp to bring down Darth Vader (Haruhi) for betraying her for the last time. Even though she is a clone, it won't the search for James Ecilpse ( guy version of Juno) and to be reunited.

[GDB]

Just an idea for the backgrounds, but couldn't stills from the anime/movie be used? And weren't there production images they made to compare the anime to the real world inspirations that could be used? Granted, it wouldn't work entirely with CGs unless the characters were overlaid on them, but it'd at least work for sprites.

[Seitsuki]

Too tired to get much done today

Spoiler for one base pose:

If anyone has C&C (accuracy, suggestions etc) go ahead. Otherwise I'll start working on colouring/expressions.

I feel like this stuff might end up taking quite a few posts, so.. is this the place to put them? PM? How did the previous operation go?

[DJ_RockmanX]

Let us continue this via MSN.

[Seitsuki]

Never mind. I can't colour school uniforms to save my life.

Guess I'll do a bunch of LAs first and on the off chance you find a colourer then hurrah. Or if not I can give it another go.

[Tyabann]

Originally Posted by Seitsuki

Guess I'll do a bunch of LAs first and on the off chance you find a colourer then hurrah. Or if not I can give it another go.

Sorry about the late response. That sounds alright.

[Aerii]

Whoa, when did all these people get here? orz. Also, I can help with the coloring~! Incidentally, I think you guys have planned maybe too many CGs. Why not divide the CGs into the essential/mandatory and the optional, the ones it would just be nice to have?

[Kogetsu Shirogane]

I'm just poking my head in to post something no one cares about.

. . .

IGNORE ME!


Since my updating is... sporadic...
Episode 01: The Masked Sorcerer and the Pounding Heart of Justice?!
Episode 02: School Days and a Fateful Encounter?!
Episode 03: Raging Conflict and the Signing of Destiny?!

Spoiler for Kyon-chan no Bouken! Episode 04:

Spoiler for A-Part:

"Strike! Batter out!"

A mixture of cheers and boos filled the air as the ball entered the catcher's mitt for the third time. But the loudest shouts came from the person who happened to be seated next to me.

"Oh come on! I would've knocked that one out of the park!"

I know I don't exactly seem like the baseball type, and I'm not. So why am I at a baseball game? Put simply, Haruki Suzumiya wanted to go, and wouldn't take no for an answer. What a drag...


{cue cheesy intro music}


THE ADVENTURES OF KYON-CHAN!! Episode 04!! The Baseball Game of Youth and a Legendary Weapon?!


The game we're at isn't a professional one, mind you, it's part of an open tournament anyone can enter. In fact, I understand one of the teams playing now was put together by the owner of a bakery. I guess that'd explain why their mess of a team is mostly comprised of high school students who have probably never played baseball before. From the looks of things, one of them even invited his little sister to join the team. Seriously, even if he wanted to lose, who in their right mind would do that?

Anyway, Haruki had found out about this tournament some time last week and decided, completely by himself, that it would be a great experience for the Literary Club. After all, if a club on the verge of being shut down were to suddenly become more active, the school wouldn't have much reason to shut it down. Somehow, watching a baseball game apparently helps a club based around reading and presumably writing stories to be active. I guess that something in the large bag Haruki brought with him explains it, but I didn't want to ask. I'll just assume we're supposed to base a writing project on this. At any rate, that's why I'm spending my Sunday watching baseball with Haruki and Nagato. On the plus side, at least it's better than my previous weekend activities...

"If our club had more members, we totally could've joined this tournament, and I know we would have won it all, too!"

Right. Just keep telling yourself that, Haruki. Besides, even if we did have a large enough club, a decision like that would be up to Nagato, wouldn't it? I mean, he's the president, after all.

"... It looks fun..."

"See? Yuuki agrees with me. Sheesh, why do you have to be such a downer all the time, Kyon?"

That wasn't exactly agreeing, you know... whatever. Just go back to watching the game.

I suppose I should explain what happened last time. I mean, it's not like I even care about baseball. Let's see, the last thing that happened was the cat saying something about aliens, right? I guess I can start from that.



"Would you believe... an alien?"

An... alien. That large blue crab was... an alien. Sure, why not? Cats can talk, I'm a magical girl, Asahina-san has magical guns that aren't really magic... it's not like anything else makes sense anymore. Why not have giant blue space crabs from nowhere invading us?

"It's nothing that spectacular, I'm afraid."

The cat pushed the blue gem towards me.

"You see this gemstone here? This is the closest they have to a real body. They're more like an idea or concept."

Excuse me? While there are people who talk about getting headaches from thinking, ideas generally can't do much damage on their own.

"That's about as simple as I can put it. In reality, these beings are more like... Wait just a moment. You! Boy over there with the large device! Can you come here for a moment?"

Asahina-san looked a bit perplexed. I guess that would make sense, seeing as this is probably the first time he's come in contact with a talking cat. However, despite that, he complied with the request.

"Um... you were speaking to me, correct?"

"Yes, boy. That device there, it obviously isn't something you carry with you at all times, am I right?"

Asahina-san looked to the side, as though he couldn't answer that question. Alternately, he probably just didn't feel comfortable holding a conversation with someone of the feline persuasion. Thinking that was the more likely case, I decided to speak up.

Is that correct? If you want, you can talk to me instead of Shamisen. Er, that would be the cat.

"I... I can't get into that many details, but no. Unless it's in use, I generally don't carry this around because it would cause problems."

After saying that, the large cannon Asahina-san was carrying disappeared in the same manner as it appeared.

"There, he just demonstrated a perfect example."

"I don't understand... what are... er..."

I think Shamisen wants you to explain the disappearing firearms.

"Under normal circumstances, I wouldn't be able to reveal this information. However, there are questions I'd like answers to, as well."

If your talking about the crab and what I was doing, you'd be better off getting the cat to talk. I'm not exactly sure what's going on, myself, so I won't be much help.

"So tell us, boy. Where do you get your magnificent toys?"

For a short period, Asahina-san looked a little perturbed. After that, he had an uneasy look on his face, followed by a hint of restlessness. If I had to guess, I'd say he was nervous about something. Finally, after all his fidgeting, he started to speak.

"… Much like the files on a computer, they are stored away until needed. I can't explain to you how it works, because that's classified information, but I can at least explain to you what you've already seen."

"And there you go. A physical object in the form of data. With that in mind, think of that as being the opposite. A piece of data with a physical form."

"Blah blah, stupid stuff, blah blah. Can't anyone ever get to the point around here?"

No, seriously. Haruki really said that. Asahina-san had a somewhat irritated look on his face, while the cat simply stared.

"Well then, boy. If you want a name for that, we'll just call what you had seen a thought entity, and this jewel form can be thought of as an egg or seed."

As much as I hate to ask, how many of these things are there?

"Hundreds!"

What.

"Or maybe just about ten or so. To be honest, I really don't know. In the length of time I've known... Phantom, this makes six I've come across. Go ahead and pick it up, it should be completely harmless in this state. At the very least, it shouldn't hurt magical beings such as us."



While I wasn't too fond of being reminded of the magic part, I did as the cat asked. I will admit, the gem in my hand possessed a rather unearthly glow to it. Even if it weren't for everything else happening, I would have at least believed this stone was from some other planet if someone told me.

So... what am I supposed to do with this? Put it against one of my bracelets?

"Silly girl. Just hold it in front of you and think of something you want. If you need an idea, I suggest restoring this area to its former state."

"H-hold on! Reversing damage on that scale is impossible! Even at our level of... um... I mean..."

"If it's so impossible to fix, then why'd you cause most of it? Pretty irresponsible of you, huh?"

Asahina-san didn't seem to have an answer for Haruki's outburst. Not like that's hard to believe, mind you. At any rate, I was wanting to get things over with, so I went ahead and held the stone out. And while there were a few things I'd really like that came to mind, I figured I may as well go ahead with what Shamisen suggested. I mean, if nothing else, at least I wouldn't be getting my hopes up too much in the chance it didn't work. As I thought about fixing the damage, the area surrounding me took on an appearance of a wire mesh, like the kind you'd see in old computer games. The upturned dirt and charred grass twisted and reformed, slowly filling in with bright lights. After a few moments of this, everything looked the way it was before Phantom had shown up.

"W-what? But... but how..."

"It's called magic. Ever hear of it? Let me see that stone, I wanna try something."

I wasn't exactly thrilled with the prospect of Haruki getting what he wanted, so the next thing out of the cat's mouth was a bit of a relief, depressing as it may seem.

"Unfortunately, in its current state, there isn't enough power left to do much else. Perhaps if a certain someone weren't so reckless, it would have been more useful. Nevertheless, it's absolutely useless to normal humans, so you shouldn't worry about it."

So, what would happen if someone were to get hurt, or worse? Could that be repaired, too?

"I honestly don't know. Perhaps we could intentionally injure someone next time and find out?"



"HEY KYON!"

Gahh! You don't have to yell at me, I'm sitting right next to you! Whether I really want to or not.

"You were kinda spacing out... huh, I wonder if that's what happens to first-person narrators when they're having flashbacks."

Seriously, Haruki? This is real life, not some cheap story written by someone who has an unhealthy obsession with magical girls. Of course, I guess it has been ridiculously surreal since a certain feline came into my life... At that moment, I noticed our party of three was missing someone. Where'd Nagato disappear to?

"Yuuki said he had to take care of something. He should be back before the game's over, though."

Oh really? Sounds like he was just wanting to get out of watching this to me.



At the moment, the bakery team is somehow managing to hold a slight lead. Of course, as they're currently fielding, that's likely to change. After all, they're the clear underdogs here. Suppose I may as well root for them, as I can kinda relate to their position...

"Come on! Hit it out of the park!"

... Haruki wanting the other team to win has absolutely nothing to do with it. Honest.

"Would you look at that? They can can barely even get on base against a team of complete amateurs! They're a college team, right? What's wrong with them?!"

Why are you getting so worked up about this? If anything, I figured you'd hate sitting in the stands instead of being out there on the field.

"Like you'd know..."

Haruki didn't say anything for a while after that. Even when "his" team managed to take the lead, he didn't get up and cheer. Of course, when he did finally speak, what came out of his mouth was a bit surprising, and not just because he said it in a tone so quiet I was just barely able to understand him.

"Have you ever realized how utterly insignificant your existence really is?"

I'm going to pretend I didn't just hear that.

"Well, I guess that's not exactly true of you anymore..."

Okay, what are you getting at here?

"Just look around. There's gotta be a hundred people watching this game, at least. Out of all of them, do you think any one person is really important to the game itself?"

I'm sure the players have relatives in the stands. They have to be important, right?

"No, they aren't. Sitting on the sidelines, all we can really do is cheer. If any one voice is absent, it doesn't really make a difference."

Um... Haruki?

"Hm... it's been about three years, I think... anyway, a few years back, my parents had taken me to a baseball game. I guess they figured that, as a young boy, I'd be totally interested in seeing a real game in action. Suppose they were right. I mean, I was totally psyched for it, and got really into the game for the first few innings. But then, something happened. One of the players hit a foul ball to the side of the field opposite where I was sitting, and I noticed exactly how far away that really was. The people on the other side? They looked like grains of rice glued to a piece of construction paper over there. No matter where I faced, that's how things looked to me. To a little kid, that kind of thing would make you think 'All of Japan must be here,' right? I found out from my parents the stadium we were at could hold about fifty thousand people. All of those people, cheering their favorite players... it made me realize something. Not counting the umpires, there's anywhere between ten and thirteen people on the field at any given time, right? And everyone's attention is focused on them. If they were to suddenly leave, everyone would totally riot. Well, would that happen if thirteen people in the audience were to randomly go somewhere in the middle of the game? Would people riot if I were to just up and disappear? I spent the rest of the game not saying much, and sure enough, everything went about the same as it had been when I was still cheering. The teams didn't play any better or worse because I kept quiet. This game just proved the same thing is true, even with a much smaller group. And as there's no point in staying here, I'm leaving. Do me a favor and tell Yuuki the two of you don't have to stick around when he gets back."

And with that, Haruki grabbed his bag and started to leave. I wasn't sure exactly how to respond to his story, so I didn't say anything. Of course, at that time, I doubt I could've said anything, as a certain chilly air started to surround me as the rest of the crowd grew silent. Great, why'd he have to show up now? I guess on the plus side, at least Nagato's not around to get caught in the middle of things...

"Are you truly leaving now? Such a pity."

"Yeah, what of it? I don't really feel like dealing with you right now, so don't try and stop me."

"Would you really leave the girl alone with me? I thought she meant something to you..."

I really didn't like where things were going. Unfortunately, another familiar sensation was soon to follow, as another large, blue creature suddenly burst from under the outfield...

Got milk?

Spoiler for B-Part:

Luckily, the team at bat had just gotten its third out not too long before the Phantom of the Infield showed up, so the outfield was empty of any players while they switched sides. Of course, I'd still have to do something about the mess before the game could resume.

"Judging from the bracelets on your wrists, I assume you refused my friendly advice?"

Ah yes, the bracelets I got during the last situation like this. I spent most of that night trying to take them off, but couldn't figure out how. I guess I should be thankful they don't stand out too much, otherwise I'd have to figure out some explanation for them. Oh, and I don't exactly think threatening me is very friendly, for the record.

"Be that as it may, what's done is done. Now, show me the power you possess and defeat the creature that has appeared. Provided you can, that is."

Great, thanks for the vote of confidence. There's just one problem. It's all the way down there and we're... Um, what just happened?

Somehow I found myself with Phantom's hand on my shoulder, standing not that far away from the "thought entity." Unlike the crab, this one took on a shape rather similar to a catcher's mitt... provided it had a head coming out of it. Haruki would probably just compare it to an oversized snail or something.

"Is there anything else you require?"

You fighting this for me would be nice, but I don't think you'd be willing to comply with that request. Whatever, just turn around while I change.

Thankfully, the snail-like creature moved about as fast as you'd expect a snail to, so I had time to change into my ridiculous waitress costume. Can't someone else do this?

"The pledge isn't necessary beyond the initial contract."

There's another thing that cat didn't tell me. Why are you helping me, anyway? If that's what you're doing, I mean. Oh, and... you can look again.

"There will be time for explanations later. I suggest you focus on the task at hand."



Putting any last-minute complaints aside for the moment, I decided I may as well do something about the large blue monster. After all, in about three weeks, the evil catcher's mitt may reach someone and nudge them to death. At any rate, I gave a slight twirl and summoned my crystalline barrier. However, it didn't seem to have much of an effect against this creature. I guess it has a higher defense stat than the crab. Great, Asahina-san isn't here as backup this time, and I don't think Phantom will be giving me a hand. For all I know, he probably created these things!

"'The best offense is a good defense.' A wise strategy in most cases, but it will not work against this adversary."

That wasn't meant as a... never mind. What else did that cat say I should be able to do? While Shamisen has been keeping things from me, I don't think I've gotten a dishonest answer yet... let's see, I think something about... fireballs and lasers? The latter didn't do Asahina-san much good against the crab, so maybe I should try throwing a fireball... Only problem is, the cat never told me how to do that! Let's see, I could bring my hands together at my side, then thrust them... no, that won't work. Maybe if I were to act like I'm throwing something while...

"Hey! Big, blue and ugly! HEAD'S UP!"



Suddenly, a figure wearing a helmet, goggles and a long white scarf charged at the Catcher Snail, armed with what looked like... a sports bag?! This person swung his bag in a wide motion, hitting the creature in what looked to be its head and causing it to reel back. Haruki, just what do you think you're doing?!

"Everyone knows the hero arrives late!"

Okay, ignoring the fact you've been here longer than either Phantom or the snail, what makes you think you're a hero? If it weren't for the fact this thing isn't fighting back, you could've gotten yourself killed!

"Well, like I was saying earlier, I'm tired of just standing around on the sidelines. It's time I took things into my own hands and make a name for myself, you know? And I'm going to start here and now!"

Haruki quickly unzipped the bag he was holding and reached inside, as if he were checking something. Then, in his typical grandstanding fashion, he started to shout. At the snail. Which probably didn't understand a word he said. Out of all the idiots in the world, Haruki would be sitting atop the food chain as the king of idiots.

"Okay, listen up, because I'm only going to say this once... My story begins in the 12th century!"

Oh no...



"In the far-off land of England, there was a stone outside a church. Now, this stone was no ordinary stone, no sir! Lodged within it was an object of outstanding quality. Legends state that whoever removed it would become king. Naturally, many tried to claim the title, but no one could do it. After a time, the stone had been forgotten. However, one day a young boy would pass by the church. This boy, he really wasn't anything special at first glance. I'd say he was even less interesting than 'ordinary' people. Every day, he probably just went about his boring life, doing whatever boring thing he was told and trying to stay alive like most boring people of the time. Of course, this day was different. This day, his life would change, forever! As he walked by the church, he noticed something to the side. It was the stone! Gazing upon the object sticking out of it, he was totally mesmerized. 'That looks amazing,' he thought to himself as he walked closer. With a bit of hesitation, as he was just some ordinary kid and not some knight or something, he reached out to touch it. As he grasped the handle, he could swear he heard a choir and was positive he had been bathed in a light from above. Panicking a bit at the thought of someone catching him, he quickly let go and took a step back. 'No, I shouldn't,' he whispered. But he felt something. Something was telling him to pull it. While most people would probably run away, he decided to go for it! Grabbing it again, the choir and light returned. 'This is it! This is my destiny!' And with a single pull, whoosh! It came out. This boy, who no one would've thought would amount to anything special, was now king!"

Haruki then grinned, as though the snail were in awe of his story.

"That object he pulled from the stone still exists to this day. That object has even found its way to Japan. That object is in this very bag! That's right, in this bag I have the weapon of kings! This... is the legendary..."

From his bag, Haruki pulled out...

"EXCALIBAT!"

... A gold-painted baseball bat. He then pointed it directly at the snail, as though to signal it was his target. You know, for someone with an apparently lousy past involving baseball, he seems awfully fond of the equipment. He also has a rather poor grasp of British legends, but that's not important. What is important is the fact Haruki just charged at the Catcher Snail with both hands on 'Excalibat' while screaming at the top of his lungs. Meanwhile, said snail retreated its head into its 'shell.' During all this, my hand found its way to my forehead again.

"While it matters little to me, providing assistance to the boy would be the best course of action for you to take."

I know, okay? Do me a favor and remind me that, if we survive this, I want to kill Haruki for putting me through even more trouble.

"You are certainly an unusual pair."

While Haruki bashed away at the Catcher Snail with his bat with moderate success, I desperately tried to figure out some way of hitting it myself. I really wish I would've gotten something more usable than a pair of bracelets... Wait a minute. Catcher's mitt... baseball bat... hm...



"Yeah! Take that, you super-sized serving of escargot!"

Haruki! Can you stop hitting that and listen for a bit? I need to ask you to do something.

"Oh yeah? What's that?"

I need you to intentionally get a strike. Think you can do that?

"... What kind of idiot would do that?! If it's not to hit a home run, there's no point in even swinging!"

I don't need you to swing at the pitch. The "ball" I'm going to try and throw actually needs to make contact at least once with the thing you've been pounding on, but I need you positioned like you're a batter. You'll see what I mean. If this doesn't work, we'll try your way again. Deal?

"Hm... okay, just this once. I just gotta act like a batter, right?"

After that, Haruki took up a batting position, with me as pitcher and the snail as catcher. While I had very little confidence in my ability to actually make a decent pitch, I figured this was better than nothing. So, focusing energy in my hands, I pictured myself holding a burning baseball. As I did, I felt my hands getting hotter, and hotter... seems it worked. Not wanting to burn my hands, I tossed the small fireball as hard as I could, aiming straight for the center of the 'mitt' in front of me. The ball deviated in its flight path, swirling around a bit, but it reached its target. When it did, the Catcher Snail's head immediately popped out, making a screeching noise as though it were in pain. Smiling in realization of what the plan was, Haruki quickly turned and hit the snail on the head, causing it to retreat back into its shell.

"Hm, looks like we need a bit more... One more time, Kyon! Full power, total destruction!"

Unfortunately, I wasn't able to live up to Haruki's rather lyrical request, as that one 'pitch' took more out of me than I was hoping. The second attempt was rather obviously weaker than the first, as it didn't even get a reaction from the Catcher Snail. Making things worse, I could barely stay on my feet after it. This isn't good... if only...

"You call that a pitch?! What's wrong with you!"

The snail suddenly screeched again, sticking its head out. Not wanting to look a gift snail in the mouth, Haruki swiftly turned and bashed its head with 'Excalibat' again, this time finishing it off. Just like the crab before it, the creature collapsed into the familiar shape of a blue gem.



"Curiouser and curiouser... while you do have an impressive amount of power within you, you lack the endurance to truly make use of it. As such, I suggest you forget this world even exists, otherwise you may not survive much longer. If it is of any consolation, there is little need for you to participate in battle anymore."

Phantom then looked behind where the snail was, at a figure clad in red over in right field. Before I could make out any details, the figure was suddenly replaced with a red sphere that quickly flew away. Am I the only one with powers who actually has to walk?



Looking back towards Haruki, it seemed he was getting ready to pick up the "seed," as Shamisen had put it. However, before Haruki could touch it, a talisman suddenly struck him from behind, while another wrapped itself around the gem and returned to its master.

"Ack! What was that for?!"

"I cannot allow you to have this. In the hands of someone like you, it would be far more dangerous than it was in its Thought Entity form."

And with that, Phantom simply vanished. Now I'm completely convinced he can actually teleport, rather than just being incredibly fast. I'm not sure how I feel about him getting away with the gem, but it's not like I could have stopped him. Putting that aside for a moment, I managed to convince Haruki to quickly leave the field before the barrier dispersed. As if the damage caused by the appearance of the Catcher Snail weren't bad enough, it would probably be a bad idea for us to be standing in center field in the middle of a game, especially considering the outfits we were wearing. So, after I changed back into my normal clothes and Haruki put his... costume back in his bag, we quickly made our way back to our seats, just as the barrier had disappeared. I'd say that was pretty convenient.

"Nah, stuff like that always happens. I mean, if the protagonists got caught this quickly, there wouldn't be much of a story, right?"

Haruki... while the enthusiasm is understandable, need I point out again this is real life? If we get caught doing something we shouldn't be, there's a lot more to worry about than not having a story.

"You worry too much. Aside from the bad guy getting away and the field having a bit more wear and tear than usual, I think we did a pretty good job out there."

Do you even think before you speak?

"What do you mean by that?"

Never mind...

In case you're wondering, the above conversation was said quietly, so to the best of my knowledge, no one overheard us. More to the point, Nagato returned shortly afterwards, apologizing for how long it took. Honestly, I was just glad he didn't get caught up in things. I'd really hate for him to end up getting hurt due to this magic nonsense.

At any rate, due to the mysterious damages, the tournament schedule had to be heavily altered to make do with the single field they were left with. Of course, it didn't particularly concern the three of us, as we left early due to Haruki having no further interest in it.


{cue outro music... which is also incredibly cheesy}


So in addition to Phantom's sorcery and Asahina-san's ridiculously high-tech weaponry, I have to worry about Haruki and his so-called legendary Excalibat, as well as some new addition to this magic-filled lifestyle of the Combat Waitress? I couldn't even tell if the person was male or female from that distance, much less if this unknown person is on my side or Phantoms. For all I know, that person could even part of some mysterious, unnamed organization that secretly watches over a high school girl of abnormally high importance to ensure the continued existence of... Actually, forget I said that. It's too ridiculous, even for the way things have been going lately.

[Tyabann]

Originally Posted by Aerii

Whoa, when did all these people get here? orz. Also, I can help with the coloring~! Incidentally, I think you guys have planned maybe too many CGs. Why not divide the CGs into the essential/mandatory and the optional, the ones it would just be nice to have?

Less CGs would require me to actually describe things. Well, I wanted to go over my scripts again ANYWAY...

[z-one]

I cannot make sprites even if my life depended on it.

[Tyabann]

ARE YOU HAPPY NOW, SHERBY?

Spoiler for The Disappearance of Haruhi Suzumiya - Chapter 3 - Part 1:

December 20th.
It was the morning of the third day since the world had changed. I awoke from a dreamless sleep, and, as usual, rolled out of bed, feeling as though my stomach had been shot through with a few dozen 300mm bullets. Shamisen, who was sleeping on the blanket, rolled off suddenly onto the ground and laid flat. I stepped softly on her tummy and sighed.
Sticking his head through the door, my brother looked dismayed when he saw that I was already awake.
"So, did Shami talk?"
He had been asking me this ever since the night before last. My answer was always the same.
"Nope."
As I reminisced about the soft touch of the cat's fur on my toes, my brother had begun humming some little song as he dragged Shamisen out of the room. It's great being a cat, all they ever do is eat, sleep and lick fur. How I wanted to trade places with her for a day. Who knows, as a cat, I might even find what I was looking for in no time at all.
I still hadn't found the key. Nor had I found out what 'key' meant, not to mention 'system activation program'. If I didn't do something today, the world would continue to remain in this state; it might even become more terrifying. Whose idea was it to have such a time limit anyway? Was even such a limited-time-offer difficult for Nagato to provide?
Without making any progress in that direction, I headed to school. Looking as though they were about to snow, the gloomy skies loomed above everyone's heads. Seemed like we'd be getting a white Christmas this year. There hadn't really been a forecast on the amount of snow, but judging by the frostiness of this year's winter, it'd probably be big. Haruki would probably be more excited than a puppy while preparing for the winter field trip... That is, if Haruki still exists.
There was nothing worth paying attention to as I climbed up the usual slope towards North High and finally arrived at the 1-5 classroom. I walked slowly, my exhaustion manifesting physically, and so I only managed to sit down on my desk just in time for the first school bell to ring. Like yesterday, there were a lot of absentees in class, but what amazed me was that Taniguchi only needed one day off. Though still wearing her mask, she had attended nevertheless, and it was only now that I realized how much she loved going to school.
By the way, Asakura, still sitting behind me, gave me a rather intriguing smile.
"Good morning."
Asakura greeted me simply, like he did everyone else. I merely nodded back.
As the second bell rang, signalling the beginning of classes, Okabe-sensei entered energetically and began the home room session in earnest.

I'd lost track of what day of the week it was already. Today's timetable seemed different from what I remembered, though I wasn't sure. I wasn't even sure whether I was having the same subjects on this day last week. Even if yesterday's and today's timetables were switched, I'm sure I would barely notice. Had I just become weird? The boy known as Haruki Suzumiya never existed, Asakura was just a popular classmate, Asahina-senpai was distant and unreachable, while Nagato was the sole member of the Literature Club.
Just which was the real thing? Was the SOS Brigade and everything I'd been through all a part of my imagination?
Like that, my thoughts became more and more negative.
During PE in first period, I paid so little attention that before long I found myself in the next period, which was math, where everything just went in my left ear and out of my right. Without my realizing, recess arrived.
As I slumped over my desk, trying to cool my head down...
"Hey, Kyon," It was Taniguchi. She had hung her mask beneath her chin, giving me her usual idiotic grin. "The next period's chemistry, and today the teacher's gonna pick my row to answer questions. Help me out."
Help you out? Are you nuts?! You do realize we both know each others' strengths and weaknesses inside out already, don't you? How am I supposed to know something that you wouldn't know?
"Kunikida," I called out to my other partner, who had just returned to the classroom, "Tell Taniguchi everything you know about sodium hydroxide. She especially wants to know whether it's on good terms with hydrochloric acid."
"Well that's simple, they get neutralized after being mixed together," Kunikida said as she flipped through Taniguchi's textbook, "Ah, so it's this question. First calculate in moles and you'll be able to convert it to kilograms. Let me think..."
One feels extremely helpless when seeing a knowledgeable person explaining something like this so casually. Taniguchi nodded her head non-stop, and as Kunikida thought further, it became clear that she didn't intend to calculate on her own anymore. Kunikida borrowed my mechanical pencil and scribbled a few numbers and symbols on the blank spaces in Taniguchi's textbook.
After it was all settled, Taniguchi gave me a weird smile, "Kyon, Kunikida told me everything while we lined up for the high jump in PE. You were to be up to something the day before yesterday?"
Weren't you at school that day as well?
"I had to take a nap in the nurse's office during lunch, and I was exhausted that whole afternoon. I only heard about it this morning. You were in some kind of frenzy, right? Did you really say Asakura-san wasn't supposed to exist?"
"More or less." I held my hands up and made a sign that read, 'Piss off.'
Yet Taniguchi smirked and continued, "I wish I had been there to see it. It's a pretty rare sight, you yelling around hilariously."
Kunikida seemed to remember something from then and said, "Kyon's better today. It seemed she really had it out for Asakura-san. Did he do something to upset you?"
Even if I said the truth I'd just be treated like a lunatic. The normal thing to do would be to keep quiet.
"Right, you said that someone had been replaced by Asakura-san. Did you find that guy? His name was Haruki, right? Just who is he?"
Would you people please stop reminding me about this stuff? I shiver involuntarily every time that name is mentioned, even if were being uttered repeatedly by a parrot.
"Haruki?" See? Even Taniguchi had cocked her head. Not only that, she even said,

"That 'Haruki', you don't mean Haruki Suzumiya, do you?"

Yes, that Haruki Suzumiya...
...
The bones in my neck made a creaking noise as I slowly turned my head up to look at the silly expression my classmate was wearing. "Taniguchi, what did you just say?"
"I said Suzumiya, the Wild Boy of East Junior High. I'd been in the same class as him for all three years. Wonder how he's doing...... And how come you know who he is? You said he was replaced by Asakura-san, just what was that all about?"
My eyes went white in an instant.
"YOU! YOU PRUNE-FACED HAG!"
I yelled and leaped up at once. Iintimidated by my sudden outburst, both Taniguchi and Kunikida instinctively backed up a bit.
"Who are you calling 'prune-faced!?' If I'm a prune, then you're a dried apricot! Besides, my mom still has great skin! You're the one that should be worried about that sort of thing!"
That's none of your business! I grabbed Taniguchi by her collar and pulled her towards my face until both our noses nearly touched each other.
"You said you know Haruki!?"
"How can I not know him? I couldn't forget him even after fifty years. If there's anyone from East Junior High that doesn't know him, they need a check-up to see if they're suffering from amnesia."
"Where?"
As though chanting a mantra, I fired question after question,
"Where is he? Where is Haruki right now? Tell me where!"
"What's with you? Are you a taiko drum? Did you see Suzumiya somewhere and fall head over heels? Give it up! I'm only saying this for your own good. I know he's pretty hot, but he's completely out of his mind. For starters, he......"
Drew mysterious geometric shapes in the school's track field with white chalk, right? I knew that already. I'm not interested in his criminal record, I just want to know where the hell Haruki is right now!
"He's at Kouyouen Academy,"
Taniguchi replied as though reciting the atomic sequence of hydrogen,
"If I'm not mistaken, he's enrolled in the high school at the bottom of the hill, just in front of the station. He was pretty smart person, so it's only natural that he'd be at such an elite school, right?"
Kouyouen Academy?
"I thought they were a school for rich boys."
Taniguchi looked at me with eyes full of pity and said, "Kyon, I don't know what they told you in junior high, but that school's always been co-ed. Not to mention it's one of the top schools in university entrance rate in this prefecture. To have such a school in our district really pisses me off!"
As I listened to Taniguchi's mumblings, I slowly loosened my hands.
Why did I not realize this before? I should commit suicide for this.
Just because Haruki wasn't at North High, I assumed that he didn't exist in this world. Turns out my imagination was worse than that of a giant cave cricket. When I visit my grandparents' place in the countryside next summer, I should go and have a chat with one of my relatives sitting on the balcony, we'll probably get along very well.
"Hey! Get a hold of yourself!" Taniguchi straightened her collar and said, "Kunikida, you're right. She's nuts, and she seems to be getting worse."
Say whatever you like, I'm not in the mood to argue with you right now, because right now there was someone who was pissing me off more than the backstabbing Taniguchi and the ever-nodding Kunikida.
This series of unfortunate events was truly unbelievable. If someone from East Junior High was sitting nearby that day, or if Taniguchi was in the classroom then, then I would have heard Haruki's name loud and clear much earlier. Just whose damn fault is it, huh? Come on out so I can beat the crap out of you! This can be settled another day, though. I have all the answers I need, so all that's left is to take action.
"Where're you going, Kyon?"
I turned around while rushing towards the classroom door and said, "I'm going home early."
As early as possible.
"What about your bag?"
That'll just get in the way. "Kunikida, if Okabe asks, tell her I've got the black plague and also dysentery, or the flu, or something like that and it hurts like hell. Oh, and Taniguchi!" I gave my sincere gratitude to my slack-jawed classmate, who was seeing me off, "Thanks!"
"Eh? Wha......?"
I last saw Taniguchi spinning her finger by her head in circles. I bolted out of the classroom, and within a minute I had passed out of the school gates.

Running down a slope at high speed is really hard. I was so excited, that I ran with all my might, and after about ten minutes, even my legs and lungs were beginning to complain that I was pushing them too hard, let alone my heart. Come to think of it, I could have still made it even if I waited for third period to end. At this time of year, Kouyouen was probably having a half day as well, so it would have been fine as long as I arrived there before their last bell rang. Even if I were to walk from North High, it would still take me less than half an hour.
By the time I realized how poor my time management skills were, I had already arrived at the private academy. It was by the station, the starting point of my mandatory daily climbing route to school. It was very quiet inside... were they still having classes? I took a look at my watch. Lessons probably ran at about the same times as our school, so they're probably in the third period right now. In other words, before the school gates open, I have one whole hour of free time. All I could do was wait in the cold weather, empty-handed.
"Maybe I should just barge in......"
Haruki would would do exactly that, and he'd have handled it beautifully. Sadly, I don't have that kind of confidence. After cautiously approaching the gate, I had to wheel around frantically. Standing outside the closed school gates was a stern-faced guard, as could be expected for a rich private school.
While I could probably try to climb the fence, not only is it quite tall, but there's barbed wire at the top.... it'd be better just to wait for the gates to open. Besides, if I were to break in, it'd all be over if I was caught. I've already come this far, so I have no intention of letting the game end so easily. After all, unlike Haruki, I can control myself when it's necessary.

And so, I waited for nearly two hours.
The last bell rang like a distant memory, and students flooded out of the now-open gates.
Taniguchi had been correct, this was indeed a co-ed school. The guys' uniform was the same as usual, the traditional military-style uniform, but walking amongst them were girls dressed in a typical black-suited schoolgirl uniform. This was exactly the opposite to North High, with the girls in sailor uniform and the guys in suits. For a second, I wished that my family had the money (and I the grades) for me to attend Kouyouen. As for the gender ratio here, there seemed to be more guys...
"How can this be... Ah well, forget it."
There were a few familiar faces among the students: they were from Itsuko's class, Class 1-9. I had thought they'd all disappeared, but it turns out they were here in this high school all along. Also, I don't know whether it's coincidence or what, but I've yet to see anyone from my junior high here. Those I'd seen before didn't take much notice of me, and walked quickly past after giving a quick suspicious look. Right now, they probably have a whole new set of memories, most likely happier ones, because at least they don't have to climb up the hill to school every day.
I continued to wait. The chances of me hitting the jackpot were 50/50. If he had joined some club activity, was busy with something more general and had to stay in school, I've basically become a scarecrow here. Please, just hurry your way home. Please appear before me.
...Wait, what if there is an SOS Brigade in this Kouyouen Academy, with members other than myself taking part in all sorts of weird activities...?
When I thought this, my stomach began to wrench like mad. Wouldn't that make Asahina-senpai, Nagato, Itsuko, and me nothing other than disposable trash? I wouldn't even be a side character, but a complete outsider of no value to anyone. No, that's not what I want! I'll pray to anyone! Be it Jesus, Mohammad, Buddha, Mani, Zoroaster, or even Lovecraft, if any of them can ease my discomfort, I'll believe in any prophecy or legend that they preach! Even if it's those doomsday cult preachers, I'll gladly follow thier teachings! At this moment, I finally understand how it feels to be a person who would cling onto any piece of straw and still hopelessly sink downward in a swamp of mud.
After being consumed by anxiety and depression for about ten minutes, "...Phew," a deep, shuddering sigh escaped my lips. Why was I making such a huge sigh of relief?

Because he had appeared.

Buried amongst a sea of suits and military uniforms was a face I'd never forget until the moment I die.
Just like when he had first introduced himself on the day of the opening ceremony and clogged up the atmosphere of the classroom, he had hair long enough to reach his shoulders. Stunned, I stared for some time, and then began to count on my fingers to figure out what day of the week it was. Look like this Haruki isn't interested in spiking up his hair, since it wouldn't have been straight today.
As though unhappy that I was in the way, the students of Kouyouen Academy walked around me, passing my left and right sides. I had no idea what they thought of me standing like an idiot in front of their school gates, but, hell, they can think whatever they want, and I don't have time to worry about what they think either.

...? Why are my cheeks wet?
I wiped my face and fixed my gaze upon the guy in the military-style uniform that was slowly approaching.
Haruki Suzumiya.
I've finally found you.

I involuntarily smiled, because it wasn't just Haruki that I'd found.
Walking beside Haruki and chatting with him was a girl in a suit uniform. Wearing her usual overly-pleasant smile was none other than the surprise addition of Itsuko Koizumi.
So these two have gotten so close that they're now going home together after school? Yet, Haruki didn't seem that happy. His expression has remained the way it was when I first met him at the beginning of the school year. He would occasionally give Koizumi a curt reply, then turn his gaze back to the pavement with a scowl on his face.
Ah, I thought. It's the him from before. Before he even thought of creating the SOS Brigade, no matter where he went in school, he carried the expression of a martial arts master who was desperate to find a worthy opponent in order to showcase his abilities. Such an expression brought a sense of nostalgia for me; it was the Haruki who was bored with the mediocrity of everyday life, and while striving to find something interesting in the world, never realized that he had the power to could manifest anything he desired.
In any case, now isn't the time for reminiscing. As they slowly approached, the two of them didn't even seem to notice me.
As pathetic as it may sound, I couldn't stop my heart from beating quickly. If I were to see a doctor now, the two-beat rhythm coming from inside my chest would be so loud that she'd have to take her stethoscope off. It's freezing outside, and yet I'm sweating. I can only hope that my trembling legs are just a part of my imagination. I'm not that fragile, right?
...They're here. Haruki and Itsuko are now right in front of me.
"H-Hey!" It took me a lot of effort just to get my voice out.
Haruki lowered his gaze and exchanged glances with me. Her black-clad legs then stopped walking. "What is it?"
His gaze was as cold as a freezer's. He scanned my whole body as though giving me an X-Ray before moving his eyes away, "What do you want with me? No, I should rather ask, who are you? I'm not the sort of person to just let anyone say 'Hey!' to me. If there's some confession coming, try somebody else. I'm not interested in anything like that."
I was already prepared for it, so it didn't come as too much of a shock. As I expected, this Haruki didn't know me.
Itsuko stopped as well and looked at me with a cold stare. From her expression, I don't think she even saw me, let alone knew who I was.
I turned and spoke to that Itsuko, "Is this the first time we've met?"
Itsuko shrugged her shoulders lightly and said, "I believe so. May I ask who you are?"
"Are you are transfer student here, too?"
"I was transferred here this spring...... how did you know I'm a transfer student?"
"Do you know anything about a group that calls itself the 'Organization?'"
"'Organization?' What are you implying?" Itsuko wore her trademark inoffensive smile, but I could see the look of alert in her eyes. It's just like with Senpai; this girl doesn't know me.
"Haruki." Haruki's face twitched. He glared at me with his dark eyes, "Who said you could address me like that? Just who on earth are you? I don't remember asking for the company of stalkers. Get lost already, you're in the way."
"Suzumiya."
"Don't call me by my surname, either. How do you know my name anyway? Were you at East Junior? You must be from North High, just what are you doing here?" Haruki snorted and then turned around, "Ignore her, Koizumi-san. Just pretend she doesn't exist. There's no need to waste time on an idiot like this. Let's go!"
Why was Haruki going home with Itsuko after school? Could it be that she's taken over my role in this world? Though such thoughts crossed my mind for a second, then wasn't the time to address them.
"Wait!" I grabbed hold of Haruki's arm as he turned away from me.
"Let him go."
Itsuko grabbed my shoulder and pulled me away so hard that I nearly fell over. While her face was still frozen in a smile, her eyes betrayed her hostility. This kind of rejection, however, wasn't enough to make me give up just like that. All those hours I spent standing here would have been meaningless.
"In future, please don't push your troubles on Suzumiya-san."
As Haruki watched silently, Itsuko elegantly gave my leg a low kick. This time I actually did fall over. A pain emanated from my ankle, so painful that I felt like I was about to suffocate. After managing to sit upright, I said disconsolately, "Just tell me one thing."
This took my last ounce of courage. If this doesn't work, then I'm out of ideas. This was my last hope.
Ignoring Itsuko, I then threw out this question: "Do you remember the Tanabata festival three years ago?"
Just as he had been about to walk away, Haruhi stopped once again. Looking at the back of his head, I continued, "On that day, you snuck into your school and drew shapes on the school field with white chalk."
"So? What about it?" Haruhi turned around with a furious look on his face, "Everyone knows that! Why are you bringing this up?"
I chose my words carefully, trying to explain as quickly as possible, "You weren't alone that night. You were with a girl who was carrying Asahina... a short guy. It was with her that you drew the patterns, using white chalk. It was a message for Hikoboshi and Orihime, and meant something like 'I am here...'"
I wasn't able to complete my sentence.
Haruhi grabbed my collar with one hand and pulled me to my feet. Being dragged upward by such a terrifying force, I involuntarily lurched forward, and knocked my forehead against Haruki's, which was hard as a rock.
"Ow!"
I glared at him in protest, and he equally glared back with ferociousness. His piercing gaze shot straight into my vision... both that look and his exasperated expression evoked a feeling of nostalgia in me.
His veins were close to bursting as he asked, "How did you know that!? Who told you!? No, I never told anyone. That time--" Haruki stopped short, his expression changing dramatically as he looked at my uniform, "North High... There's no way...! What's your name?"
I was having difficulty breathing, as he was now lifting me off the ground. Such a monster... no, now's not the time to indulge myself in memories of Haruki's ridiculous strength. My name? Should I tell him my real name, which he has never heard before? Should I tell him that stupid nickname that everyone has been calling me forever?
No matter which it was, it would mean nothing to the person before me. In that case, there could only be one name that I can use,
"Joan Smith,"
Though I tried, saying anything calmly is difficult when you're being lifted up by the neck. Can't you see I'm having difficulty breathing? Just when I was thinking that, the grip loosened and I fell to my knees again.
"...Joan Smith, huh?" Haruki, having released my collar, looked stunned as his hand grasped nothing but air. I've never seen him like this; Haruki Suzumiya looked as though his soul has been taken by the grim reaper. "So it's you...? You're Joan Smith? The strange high school student with the fake name... who helped me back at East Junior High? Heh..."
Itsuko, clearly concerned, placed a "Suzumiya-san? Are you alright?"
Haruki stood there and laughed. He laughed happily and freely.
The link has now been connected.

Longest chapter of the entire damn book, and one of the most aggravating to go through as well.

Part 2 in a minute.

[Tyabann]

Itsuko is very moe in this chapter.

Spoiler for The Disappearance of Haruki Suzumiya - Chapter 3 - Part 2:

Hold on, what do you mean, 'helped you!?' You practically had me do everything, even though you were already bigger than I was... but I wasn't going to waste my time arguing with him. I've finally found a clue! In this completely altered world, there was one person, and only one person, who shared a memory with me.
So it is you after all.
That person was none other than Haruki Suzumiya.
If this Haruki has met me on Tanabata three years ago, then this world three years later could be traced back to that point in time. Not everything had disappeared without a trace. That part of history where I travelled back three years with Asahina-senpai, and returned to the present with the help of Nagato's power did indeed exist. I don't know what had happened since, but at least three years ago, this world was the same world as the one I had always known.
Just what went wrong? Why was I the only one with my original memories?
I guess I'll think about this later.
I looked at Haruki, who had finally stopped laughing, and was gazing at me as though he had seen one of the wonders of the world, and said to him, "I'll explain everything. Do you have time? Because it's going to be a long story..."

As the three of us walked shoulder to shoulder, Haruki spoke, "I've seen Joan Smith twice. When I was on my way home from East Junior that night, I heard someone shout behind me, uh, what did she say...... oh, right! Something like, 'Please take good care of the Joan Smith who will spread excitement all over the world!' I've always wondered, what is that supposed to mean?"
I never said any such thing. After making sure Haruki was out of sight, I went and woke up Senpai and hurried towards Nagato's apartment. Could there be another Joan Smith? If so, just what the hell was that John Smith talking about?
It sounded as though he was trying to give some hint to Haruki.
"Was that Joan the same girl you saw at East Junior?"
"She was too far away, plus, well, it was dark. I can't remember either of their faces very well. But her voice sounded like yours, and she was wearing the North High uniform."
Things seem to be getting more and more complicated. Just when I thought I had found a link, the details didn't match up.
We looked for a coffee shop nearby and went inside. I had wanted to go to the usual coffee shop we at the SOS Brigade used for our meetings, since it was like our reunion, after all. Too bad it was a bit far from where we were.
"This other you that I knew attended North High, instead, and on the first day of school, he said the following......"
I began my story right away, before our orders even arrived. By the time my cafe au lait had cooled down to the point that I could drink it all in one gulp, I had told Haruki and Itsuko the compressed version of everything that has happened so far, without holding back. Like, for example, how an alien, a time traveller and an esper came together in the SOS Brigade, and how our clubroom was actually the Literature Club's room.
I made sure to tell them in detail about my time travelling adventure during Tanabata, as I thought that was the most important part.
I also gave Haruki a general picture about how he was supposed to be either a god, a time distortion, or an evolutionary possibility, as none of these theories were confirmed. I only told him that he had an incredible power hidden within himself, and how this unknown power could even alter the face of reality.
Just telling him this was enough to get Haruki very interested. He kept going in and out of deep thought, and then finally said, "How come you could read the alien language I completely made up? It is true that those symbols meant 'I am here, come look for me'?"
"Someone translated that for me."
"You mean that alien?"
"To be precise, a Living Humanoid Interface created by the aliens in order to interact with humans. I think that's how he put it."
I told them everything about Yuuki Nagato. At first glance he seemed like some sort of gift from the Literature Club, but he's actually only set up as an expressionless quiet bookworm. I then told them about Asahina-senpai, how our public relations officer and the brigade's exclusive tea-serving butler was actually a time traveller from the future. It was him that I travelled back with to the Tanabata three years ago, and it was thanks to Nagato that we managed to return.
"So that means he was the one with Joan, huh? I guess I'll believe you, since it can't hurt. You were time travelling back then, eh..."
Haruki looked at me with eyes used to examine a time traveller and nodded his head.
Aren't you being a bit too trusting? I never thought you were one to believe someone so easily. That time I told you in the coffee shop, when it was just the two of us on that Search For Mysterious Events, you thought I was an idiot.
"That other me is an idiot, but I believe you," Haruki leaned forward and added, "Believing, you see, is more fun!"
I was familiar with this brilliant smile which was like the rising of a hundred suns. This was the smile Haruki had when I saw him smile for the first time. It was the million watt smile he had when she suddenly thought about setting up the SOS Brigade during that one English class.
"Since the day we first met, I went and investigated everyone from North High. I even infiltrated the place for a while, but I never saw anybody who looked like Joan. I was so pissed at myself for not remembering her, er, your face properly, but now it makes sense, since you weren't even enrolled there three years ago..."
There were two versions of myself back then, one was living as a carefree middle schoolgirl, the other one being me frozen in time with Asahina-senpai inside Nagato's guest room.
Well I'm at it, I might as well explain the ordeals of Wonder Girl here, "In that world Itsuko is an esper. You helped me a great deal, but you've also given me a lot of trouble," although the other you would never have done something like kick me in the shins.
"If all this is true, then that's pretty incredible," Itsuko said with a half-suspicious glance, while drinking her tea elegantly.
I turned once again towards Haruki, "Why didn't you come to North High?"
"No real reason, really. I was only interested in North High because of that incident on Tanabata, but by the time I entered high school, Joan would have graduated already, and I hadn't managed to find her anyway. Besides, Kouyouen has a higher university entrance rate, and my homeroom teacher at junior high kept nagging me to enroll there, so I simply followed his advice just to shut him the hell up. Actually it doesn't really matter which high school I go to, come to think of it."
I decided to ask Itsuko as well, "What about you? Why were you transferred here?"
"You're asking me? Well, my answer's pretty much the same as Suzumiya-san's. I simply went to where my academic abilities led me. Besides, and I'm not saying North High's in any way bad, but Kouyouen was just so much better in terms of campus facilities."
True enough, North High doesn't even have air conditioning.
Haruki, sighing, rested his head in his hands and said, "The SOS Brigade, huh? ...Sounds like fun,"
All thanks to you.
"If, and only if what you say is true," cutting in was Itsuko, who had now toned down her fake smile and said with an amused look, "Judging from your story, there exist two possibilities."
Now that really sounds like something Itsuko would say.
"The first would be that you have entered a parallel universe, in which you have arrived from your world to this world; the second would be that the whole world has been changed except for yourself."
I've thought about that as well.
"Yet, no matter which one it is, there are still questions to be answered. If it's the former, then where did your counterpart in this world go to? If it's the latter, it's puzzling as to why you are the only one who remained unchanged. Unless you happen to possess some incredible power, of course. That would explain a lot."
I don't, and this I can guarantee.
Itsuko shrugged her shoulders gracefully, one of her annoying trademark expressions, and continued, "If you have entered a parallel universe, then you must find a way to return to the world from where you came from. If it's the world being completely altered, then you must find a way to restore the world to its original form. No matter which possibility it is, in order to resolve this, you have to find the culprit behind all this, since it's possible that they would know how to return things to normal."
Who else could it be besides Haruki?
"Who knows? Maybe it's some invader from an alternate universe using Earth as a gaming platform. There might even be some evil mastermind that will appear sooner or later."
It's obvious from her tone that she's full of shit. In fact, I'm pretty sure she's making fun of me. Haruki, however, didn't notice this at all, and his eyes glinted as he said, "You know, I'd sure like to meet this Nagato-san and this Asahina-san. I'd also want to have a look at that club room. If I'm really responsible for this change, then maybe I'd remember something if we all met up. Right, Joan?"
Why not? I had no reason to object. If this guy really is behind all this - or at least that's what I think, anyway - then maybe it could trigger something within him, and then Nagato and Asahina-senpai might be able to remember me. Once the alien and time traveler return to normal, then everything else can be resolved easily. Wait, hang on, did he just call me Joan?
"You said you're called Kyon, right? That's really stupid. Joan sounds better, since it feels more like a person's name. Wasn't there some Western historical figure called that? Whatever. Just who gave you that Kyon nickname? It sounds as though people don't respect you at all."
It was my uncle who gave me that nickname, while my brother was responsible for spreading it all over the place. Despite this, I felt very satisfied at this Suzumiya complaining about it. I wonder why... it hasn't been that long since I last heard that nickname.
"Then, let's go."
I might as well try asking, "Now? Where to?"
Haruki had already stood up and yelled boastfully at me, "To North High, of course!"
In a blink of an eye, Haruki, who couldn't even stand waiting for the automatic door to open, had already rushed out of the coffee shop.
That was so Haruki of him. I was very relieved to see that.
You sure are something, Haruki. Once something sticks in your head, you take action in less than two seconds. Whenever you kick the clubroom door open with that bullheaded attitude, we'd know immediately that you had some crazy new idea to announce. Nagato was the only one who never seemed to react... wait, Nagato...
"Aw, hell!"
I looked at my watch. It way past the end of the school day. I had completely forgotten about the promise I made while I was at Nagato's apartment last night; I had said I'd be at the clubroom the next day, and yet here I am, late. An image of a depressed Nagato, alone, reading a book, waiting for a knock at the door floated into my brain. Please wait a little longer, Nagato-san. I'm on my way.
Itsuko picked up the bill, which Haruki had left behind and said, "I'll be paying for Suzumiya-san, I suppose."
You should pay for me as well, to make up for that kick earlier. That still hurts.
"I was merely trying to protect Suzumiya-san from a dangerous person. You can't blame me for that, can you?"
Fine, then I'll tell you about stuff I didn't even tell Haruki. Stuff about you.
"Oh? Very well then, I'm all ears."
I regurgitated everything that this esper girl had ever told me. Things like the anthropic principle, or how Haruki is supposed to be God, and about how she had went to great lengths to stage a murder mystery on a lone island in order to keep Haruki entertained.
Seeing Itsuko going into deep thought, I asked her, "Could Haruki be behind this, or is it someone else altogether? What do you think?"
"If the Suzumiya-san that you mention really does possess omnipotence, then it's possible that it could be his doing, yes."
I couldn't think of anyone else it could be. If that's the case, though, this meant that Haruki had kept Itsuko around him while casting myself and the other two aside. I don't want to sound like I'm complaining, but I don't believe that Haruki prefers Itsuko over any one of us. Was this part of Haruki's unconscious power as well?
"Does that mean I should be feeling honoured at being chosen by Suzumiya-san?" Itsuko giggled and continued, "After all, I...... yes, you could say that I'm... interested in him."
"..Are you serious!?" You must be joking, right? Right?
"I think he's an incredibly captivating person."
Now, where have I heard that before?
Itsuko went on in a serious tone, "Yet, Suzumiya-san is only interested in my superficial attributes. Ah, I don't mean my body or anything. He said it was only because I'm a transfer student that he bothered speaking to me in the first place. As I'm just an ordinary transfer student, he seems to be getting bored of me lately. In that SOS Brigade that you mentioned, what sort of special attributes did you have? If you have none, then that means Suzumiya-san is very fond of you, that is if that Suzumiya-san is the same person as the Suzumiya-san I know."
Yeah, I don't think I've written into my resume any skills that would get me sent straight to a funny farm, besides the pretty useless skill of getting myself unwittingly dragged into mysterious events.
Haruki stuck his head inside the cafe and yelled at us with a bright smile on his face, "Why're you two still here? Hurry up already!"
While Itsuko waited at the counter for the waitress to finish counting out her change, I took my first step from the warmth-filled coffee shop back into the cold outdoors where even a single breath becomes visible.
A taxi awaited us outside the entrance; seems like Haruki had flagged it down. It looked like he wanted to get to North High as soon as possible. By the way, just to clarify, this wasn't the mysterious black cab that Itsuko and I would occasionally ride in, but a normal yellow cab.
"To North High, full speed ahead!" Haruki ordered the driver as he leapt into the cab. I followed with Itsuko and sat in the back seat. The middle-aged driver, surprisingly, didn't flinch when the large boy bellowed into his ear, but merely smiled squeamishly and stepped on the gas pedal.
"I don't really mind if you barge into North High," I said to the side of Haruki's face, "But your uniform stands out too much. Students from other schools need a reason to get in, and we'd be in trouble if the teachers found out."
"Hm, that's..." Haruki thought for three seconds, then said, "Joan, did you have phys ed today? Well, it doesn't even matter. You store your gym uniforms in your classroom, right?"
Well, we had PE first period today.
"So you bring your gym uniform and track suit?"
I did, but why?
Haruki smiled enigmatically, "I will now explain the plan for today's mission. Joan, Koizumi-san, lend me your ears."
Does it really matter if the taxi driver overhears everything? Yet we still obediently leaned forward and listened as Haruki quietly laid out his mission briefing.
"That really sounds like something you'd do," I replied, and took a glance at Itsuko, who gave a complicated grimace.

I got off the cab near North High first and went back to my classroom in order to prepare for Haruki's infiltration of the school.
By the way, the cab fare was also paid for by Itsuko. This version of her is basically Haruki's living wallet, isn't she? I don't know what she did to him to deserve such treatment. Could her feelings for Haruki really be romantic? I'd love to know what she sees in him. Still, like Taniguchi said, despite being utterly mad, Haruki was quite popular with the girls in junior high. I guess it's his height? Anyway, if he hadn't created the SOS Brigade, then he'd probably have kept busy breaking the hearts of every girl to send him a love letter. Come to think of it, the SOS Brigade is kind of like his sanctuary, isn't it? By becoming the undisputed leader of such a weird club, any girl with sense would automatically avoid him, like a batter dodging a powerful pitch. Instead of being struck out three times and getting hit on the head by the ball, most people would prefer avoiding the ball altogether and taking it easy while walking towards the first base.
I thought all this to myself while heading towards the top floor.
There weren't a lot of people in the main complex, but it wasn't entirely empty: students who decided to stay for their club activities because they had nothing better to do at home were scattered here and there. Fortunately for me, the 1-5 classroom was empty. I was quite afraid of being caught by Okabe-sensei; if I were her, I'd want to know why someone who had decided to take the rest of the day off would want to sneak back into their classroom.
I was wondering where my books and stationery had gone, but turns out they were put back inside my desk. Probably by Asakura, which made me feel sorry for what I was about to do to him. Only my bag hung on one side of the desk, while the leather shoes that I was looking for were hung on the other side.
"He sure has everything thought out." I sighed at Haruki's meticulousness as I took out the bag containing my PE uniform. Inside this huge sports bag was a short sleeve PE shirt, a pair of bloomers, and my jacket and sweat pants, all of which I'd worn during PE in first period. The infiltration plan that Haruki thought up of in the cab was obviously 'disguising as North High students'. "Koizumi-san'll wear your regular gym uniform, and I'll wear your sweats. Then we'll run through the front gate. Everyone will just think we're from the Athletics Club, having finished jogging. Perfect, no?"
When I pointed out that my sweats would never, ever fit him, he told me to grab someone's else's intead, which is why I am now rifling through Asakura's desk. Anyone who caught me in the act would probably think me a pervert.... At least it was better than randomly grabbing a guy and a girl from North High on their way home and taking their clothes off.
"Hey, that's not a bad idea," said Haruki who had been waiting for me at a street corner some distance from the school gate. "How come you never mentioned this before? It'll be even less likely that they'll suspect something if we wear normal uniforms."
That'd be mugging them! How could I be expected to do something like that!?
Haruki untied the ropes on my sports bag and mercilessly turned it upside down, emptying its all over the road.
"These are washed, right?"
About a week ago. Asakura probably cleans his daily. Except today, luckily for us.
"Excuse me, Suzumiya-san," Itsuko looked at my muddy PE uniform like a desert mouse staring desperately at a Mongolian tiger that had forced it into a corner, and said, "So, ah, where do we get changed? Is there some hidden place nearby?"
"We can change here," Haruki replied quickly, and grabbed the sweatpants at once. "There aren't many people here, and it won't be that cold if you change quickly. Don't worry, I'll turn around. Joan, you turn around as well, we'll cover for her,"
And how about you, brigade leader?
"Like I care if people see my boxers," he grinned, then proceeded to unbutton his slacks. I looked away immediately.
"This guy's shorter than me, huh. Guess I'll need to roll these up a little so it doesn't look weird." I heard noises that were probably him doing just that. To my left, I heard Itsuko muttering to herself and shivering.
"So who'd you steal these from?" Haruki asked me.
If you must know, they belong to our class president.
"Hah! You sure have guts. By the way, you can turn back now." Wearing a short-sleeved plain white T-shirt and a pair of rolled-up sweats, Haruki stood there proudly, his hair fluttering in the wind.
Looks the part, I guess, but what about me? I don't really look like an athletics club member.
"You got a ponytail. That's good enough," Haruki gave me a wink. "By the way, it looks really great on you."
"..." I looked away again.
Though it took a while longer, Itsuko, too, had finished changing. Must be tough on her to wear nothing but a t-shirt and bloomers in this cold weather.
"Not to mention that it's a little tight around the chest and the hips."
I'll kill you.
Shivering and covered in goosebumps, Itsuko asked, "Suzumiya-san, you're not going to wear the jacket, right? Mind if I were to borrow it?"
Haruki was also wearing short sleeves, yet wearing a smile bright enough to drive away the cold, he said, "Nope. We need the jacket to hide our bags. We've already come this far, I'm not going to let one bag ruin it."
Indeed, the schoolbags for Kouyouen Academy and North High were slightly different in their exterior design. Haruki opened up the track suit jacket like a table cloth, wrapped it around his and Itsuko's bags, and then ordered me to carry the whole lot. He then stuffed all the leftover clothes into my gym bag, and asked me to carry that as well.
"Now," Haruki placed his hands on his hips and said, "Now we look like we just came back from marathon practice. Not bad, huh?"
Again, what about me? In what school could you find an Athletics Club member carrying a lot of stuff while going on marathon training in regular uniform at the same time?
"Just think of yourself as our manager! And now! One, two, fight! One, two, fight! Woo!"
As this overenthusiastic team captain ran off, I exchanged glances with Itsuko. We shrugged our shoulders at the same time and followed after him.
Both this Itsuko and I knew very well that it was tremendously, impossibly difficult to stop Haruki from running around like a maniac, no matter what the circumstances. Chasing after him was the only thing that we could do.
It's always been like that, hasn't it?
I don't know if you could consider it a good or bad thing, but unlike Kouyouen, the gates at North High are always open. Guards are nowhere to be found. Everything was going according to plan; Haruhi's phony marathon run while shouting slogans came to an end quickly as we safely arrived at our destination, the entrance hall. I never thought it would have taken so much work just to get Haruki and Itsuko into my school; they had been able to come and go as they pleased three days ago.
"Such an old complex! Seriously, why are the walls all prefab? Are prefectural schools really that poor? It was the right decision not to enrol here." I listened to his perfectly accurate statement while turning my gaze away from the rows of shoe lockers. I had already changed into my indoor shoes, but just when I was wondering where we kept the slippers for guests, Haruki had already casually opened the locker nearest to him and was holding some random student's shoes.
It's just like him to do that, too. I instinctively made a strange smile.
"What are you smiling for? That looks stupid. It's not like I did anything funny." I removed my smile after he said that; he's right, no matter what laws Haruki might break, now was not the time to be smiling.
I figured Taniguchi's shoe size was probably about the same as Itsuko's, so I went and stole Taniguchi's shoes and gave them to her.
"Sorry for the trouble." With a tone that didn't sound sorry at all, Itsuko thanked me politely and put on the shoes. I stuffed the sneakers she had been wearing into Taniguchi's locker.
I then took their bags, still wrapped under the jacket, and carried them under my arm again. "I'll lead the way, follow me."
"Hold it!" As I was about to walk off, Haruhi stopped me by grabbing my ponytail like a leash. This, too, is nostalgic, but please don't do it anyway. "That alien Nagato-san, he's in the Literature Club, right?"
To be more precise, the current Nagato is a normal student who used to be an alien. He's probably still waiting for me.
"This Nagato-san probably won't just run off. Let's go get that time traveller Asahina-san. Where is he?"
At this time of day, he's probably gone home... wait. Suddenly a thought came to my mind. My instincts weren't just for show, huh? I didn't even need to try and remember it; I can say confidently that this Asahina-senpai who doesn't know me was carrying some calligraphy tools with him. Before he got dragged into the SOS Brigade, he was a member of the Calligraphy Club. So that means he's still at school right now.
"All right then, this way." I'm sorry, Nagato. Please wait just a little longer. Silently praying that the Calligraphy Club was meeting today, I started walking a little faster.

Haruki was the one who opened the door of the Calligraphy Club's room. He simply had no concept of the etiquette of knocking, no matter what Haruki he is. I wasn't in the mood to lecture him on such minor details, while Itsuko stood uneasily in the corridor.
There were three guys in the clubroom; it looked like they were practising their calligraphy for writing New Year greetings.
"Which one of you here is Asahina-san?"
"...Can I help you?" The smallest of the guys widened her eyes said while raising his hand timidly. "What do you want...?" He had paused, holding his brush in mid-air.
I leaned around Haruki's bulk and inspected the interior of the room. Tsuruya-senpai wasn't here. I breathed a sigh of relief, remembering that he wasn't in the Calligraphy Club.
Haruki leaned down and whispered in my ear, "That's him, right? Is he really a second-year? Looks more like he should be in junior high."
"That's what I thought, too, but no, that's our Senpai."
After hearing that, Haruki stepped forward in huge strides and began to spout bullshit at the little cherub of a calligrapher, whose fingers had stiffened on his brush,
"I'm Suzumiya of the Student Council's Information Division. Asahina-san, the reason I've come is because there's something I need to ask you. Do you have a moment?"
You ought to come up with some better lies, especially when you're dressed in a T-shirt and sweatpants!
Asahina-senpai blinked his eyes several times and said nervously, "Student Council... Information Division? What's that... besides, I don't know anything."
"It doesn't matter, just come with us!" Haruki grabbed his brush and threw it by the side of the calligraphy paper, then grabbed Asahina-senpai's arm and forcefully pulled him to his feet. The other club members were too stunned and frightened to be able to say anything. If Tsuruya-senpai were here, I get the feeling I might have been able to observe an interesting, out-of-this-world fight between him and Haruki. Right now though, the latter just wrapped his arms around Asahina-senpai's waist and simply abducted him without giving an explanation.
"Dude, you're so tiny.... and... adorable. I like it!" Haruki said cheerfully as he molested the body of an upperclassman from another school.
"Ahh! Wah! Wh... wha... d-don't touch me like that! ...Huh!?" Noticing me standing by the door, Asahina-senpai's eyes widened even further. He was probably thinking, 'Oh no! It's that rotten girl from the other day!' Asahina-senpai looked fearfully as well at Itsuko, who was having to stand on one foot to keep warm as she was waiting in the corridor. Itsuko looked at Asahina-senpai as though looking at a complete stranger and said, "I'm not a bad person, honest."
Stop trying to act as though you have nothing to do with it, especially when you're dressed like that, Itsuko. It won't work.
Like a parent trying to stop a child from running away once told he had to go to the dentist, Haruki dragged a struggling Asahina-senpai along and said, "Hey, Joan, that just leaves Nagato-san. Hurry up and take me to him."
I don't need you to tell me that. We have to hurry along before some keen-eyed student or teacher who knows I skipped class finds me here.

We arrived at the place located on the third floor of the complex known as the Old Shack, the headquarters of the SOS Brigade, which is officially known as the club room for the Literature Club.

This time I knocked on the door before opening it.
"Hey, Nagato."
The bespectacled guy looked up from the thick hardcover library book on the table, "Ah, I was waiting for..." Seeing it was me, Nagato breathed a sigh of relief, "Huh?" When he saw Haruki following me in, his eyes widened, "...Huh?" Seeing Asahina-senpai being dragged in by Haruki, his jaw dropped, "..." And when she saw Itsuko entering last, he was speechless.
"Yo. 'Sup?" Haruki smiled brilliantly. After making sure everyone had entered the room, he went and locked the door. Click! Upon hearing this sound, both Nagato and Asahina-senpai had the same reaction - their bodies stiffened up in fear.
"W-What are you doing?" It was just like the day we first met. Asahina-san was close to tears. "Where is this place? Why did you bring me here? And, w-w-why are you locking the door? What do you want with me? Are you kidnappers or something?!"
It was the exact same reaction. I was moved to tears
"Silence!" Just like before, Haruki got the situation under control immediately. He then turned to inspect the whole room. "So this four-eyes is Nagato-san? What's up? I'm Haruki Suzumiya! The girl in the too-small bloomers here is Koizumi-san; while the cute little elementary schooler here is Asahina-san. As for this chick, you should know her, right? She's John Smith!"
"Joan... Smith?" Nagato, stunned, pushed up his glasses and looked at me in disbelief. I shrugged my shoulders and accepted the stupid name. Both Kyon and Joan sound stupid anyway.
"So... this is the SOS Brigade, huh? There's not a lot in here, but it's not a bad room. It's worth bringing some stuff over to liven it up a little." Like a curious cat being brought to visit an unfamiliar home, Haruki wandered around the room, looked out of the window, examined the books on the bookshelf with an interested look, and then said to me, "So, what do we do next?"
Don't tell me you didn't think of that before deciding to launch your invasion? I know I'm repeating myself at this point, but that's so like Haruki.
"I'm all for making this room our headquarters, but it's damn inconvenient to get here. It'll be a waste of time to come over after school, so... yeah, why don't we just set a time and meet at the coffee shop in front of the station?"
After he said this, no one besides me and the one who was talking knew what was going on.
Nagato looked like a mannequin with a troubled expression; Asahina-senpai was giving everyone strange looks while trembling in fear; while Itsuko tried to shrug while pulling down her shirt simultaneously.
I've got to say something. However, before I was able to speak...

Ding!

Suddenly, the computer, which no one had touched, made some electronic noises. Nagato instinctively turned his head with a "Huh?"
I had to stand on my tiptoes to see what was going on. This strange computer was contradicting all my knowledge about how these machines work.
The ancient CRT screen made a static noise, and slowly illuminated, which I could see from the reflection on Nagato's glasses.
This was supposed to be accompanied by the sound of the hard disk spinning, yet no such sound could be heard. I've seen this happen before... no, I remember, back then I had to turn the machine on first. The OS logo did not appear, but instead the screen had an appearance that looked very familiar...
"Let me have a look," I said as my body moved on its own. I squeezed past Haruki and moved in front of the computer.
Silently displayed on the dark gray monitor was a line of words.

YUUKI.N > If you are reading this, I am probably no longer myself.

...Yes, that's it, Nagato.

"What the hell? No one's typing anything, it's freaky!"
"Well, maybe it was programmed to turn on at a certain time? But this machine looks ancient... that must be a lot of work for something so old."
I didn't pay attention to anything Haruki and Itsuko said behind me. I didn't even dare to blink, for fear of missing a single word or sentence. I could hear my heart thumping in my ears as I stared at the screen.

YUUKI.N > When this message appears, it means that you, me, Haruki Suzumiya,
Mitsuuru Asahina and Itsuko Koizumi have all been gathered here.

It was as if the words were moving to match my reading speed. Without any decorative description, the cursor then typed out the following:

YUUKI.N > This is the key. You have found the answer.

I didn't exactly find the answer. It was more like me stumbling into the answer while being dragged around by Haruki. This Haruki sure is useful... By the way, Nagato, it's been a while.
I watched the words on the screen with a nostalgic feeling. Though the lines were silent, inside my heart I could hear Nagato reading each word in that monotonous tone. The cursor continued to move:

YUUKI.N > This is the Emergency Escape Program. To activate it, hit the "Enter" key, otherwise,
hit any other key. Once activated, you will be given a chance to repair the space-time continuum.
However, neither success nor your safe return can be guaranteed.

Emergency Escape... Program. That's it! It's in this computer!

YUUKI.N > This program can only be executed once. Once it is executed, it will be deactivated.
Should you choose not to activate it, it will also be deactivated. Are you ready?

This was the last line of words. The cursor at the end blinked unstoppingly.
...Should I hit "Enter"? Or should I hit some other key?
When I came to my senses, I realized Haruki was peeking over my shoulder.
"So what does it all mean? Is it some secret organization? Joan, stop fooling around and explain already!"
I completely ignored Haruki, Itsuko and Asahina-senpai. During this moment, my eyes were neither fixed on the overbearing Haruki, Itsuko in my PE uniform, nor the adorable little Asahina-senpai. I was giving all my attention to this computer and the only other person in this room. I said to the boy in glasses, who was staring at the screen looking stunned: "Nagato, do you have any recollection of this?"
"...No."
"Are you sure?"
"Why are you asking again?"
Why was he in such a hurry to deny any involvement? 'It's you who's typing those words', I wanted to say, but if I did, Nagato would probably freak out.
I decided to examine the last part of the message once again.
This was a message Nagato left for me. It was the Nagato I had always known that wrote it. To be honest, I didn't really understand what this Emergency Escape Program meant, and the disclaimer about success not being completely guaranteed unsettled me. Yet, I've come this far, and there's no point worrying about it now. I used to place my entire trust in that Nagato, and I could only rely on him again now. He rarely makes mistakes. If I couldn't trust Nagato, the silent alien-created Living Humanoid Interface who saved my life numerous times, who else could I trust? If I were to doubt even what he says, then I should start doubting myself instead.
"Hey, Joan. What's wrong? You look strange." Haruki's voice sounded as if it came from a long distance away.
"Please leave me alone for a while. I'm trying to organize my thoughts." Right now, I really needed to think things over. A Haruki and Itsuko who study in a different school, an Asahina-senpai who wasn't a time traveller, and a Nagato who doesn't seem to know anything at all. After thinking about these things, I realized they weren't even worth considering right now.
The words written by Nagato on the screen were his personal thoughts. The genuineness of that message cannot be doubted.
I stretched my arms and took a deep breath. That's it... The only thing I was sure of was that I wanted to get out of this world. I wanted to see the SOS Brigade once again, who had become a part of my everyday life. I wanted to see everyone else in that world. The Haruki, Asahina-senpai, Itsuko and Nagato here weren't the ones that I knew. There was no 'Organization' or Data Overmind here, and the adult version of Asahina-senpai would never visit this world. Everything's so messed up.
It didn't take me long to make up my mind. I took out a crumpled piece of paper from my jacket... "I'm sorry, Nagato, but you can have this back."
Nagato's pale fingers slowly reached out to receive the blank club application form. Once I let go, the application form fluttered about, though there was hardly any breeze in the room. After missing his grip once, he finally grabbed hold of it the second time around.
"This..." Nagato's voice shook slightly, his eyes concealed by the glare from the monitor.
"Look," I quickly explained, "To tell the truth, I was already a member here to begin with. There was no need for me to join the Literature Club, because, well..."
The other three all looked and me and thought, 'What the hell is she talking about?'
Nagato's expression had frozen, so I had no idea what he was thinking. It doesn't matter. Don't worry, Nagato. No matter what happens next, I'll definitely return to this room.
"Because I'm a member of the SOS Brigade."
Are you ready?
You bet.
I stretched out my finger and hit the "Enter" key.

In the next moment...

"Wha-!?"
When I stood up, I was hit by a very intense dizziness. I involuntarily grabbed hold of the desk as my vision spun. I could feel my ears buzzing as I heard the sounds of people talking coming from afar. Everything went black. I lost all sense of balance. I felt as though I was drifting around, like a tree leaf that had fallen into a rapid, spinning forever non-stop. The voices calling me started to drift away, what were they trying to say? Was it Joan or Kyon? I wasn't sure myself. It didn't sound like Haruki's voice.
It's so dark, am I falling? Where was I falling? Someone should at least tell me.
My thoughts were in complete chaos. Were my eyes really open? I couldn't see anything, nor could I hear anything. I could only feel myself floating. Just where was my body? What about Haruki? Everything's twisted. Itsuko, Senpai, where am I? Just where was I going? Just what awaits me in this Emergency Escape Program?
Nagato...
"Aahh!?" I yelled once again, nearly twisting my ankles as I barely managed to keep upright. It was only then I realized I was still standing.
"What the hell...?" It was dark everywhere, though so dark that you couldn't see your own fingers. That relieved me a little.
"Where am I..." Looking out at the dim lights shining through the window, I confirmed my location. This looks like a room, and I seem to be holding on to a table. On top of the table was an old computer... "The Literature Clubroom!"

It was the Literature Clubroom from before.
Yet Nagato wasn't here. Haruki, Asahina-senpai and Itsuko had also vanished. Only I remained. The sun seems to have set already, even though sunlight was shining through the window a moment ago. It's gone dark rather a bit too quickly. I looked through the window and into the sparsely populated night skies, seeing the glitter of the first few stars. Time sure flies.
The room was exactly the same as before. There was a bookshelf, a long table, and an old computer. I understood at once just by seeing these. I hadn't returned to my original world, since there wasn't anything belonging to the SOS Brigade. The Commander's Desk wasn't here, neither was Asahina-senpai's cosplay wardrobe. It was still an empty Literature Clubroom ...but...
The sweat on my forehead dripped into my eyes. I promptly wiped it with the sleeves of my jacket.
Something's not right.
Just what was this feeling of disorientation? I already knew where I was. This was indeed the Literature Clubroom. Are you a taiko drum? I suddenly remembered what Taniguchi had said earlier, but that's not the problem. Yes, the problem wasn't about where this place was.
"This is..." Suddenly, I figured it out. My body temperature felt as though it has risen sharply, but that wasn't it. The truth is that the surrounding temperature was already high, hence my body temperature had risen as well. It wasn't just an illusion.
Being unable to take the heat any longer, I took off my jacket. All the pores in my body opened up at once and started sweating I then took off my cardigan and rolled up the sleeves of my blouse, yet that barely dispersed the heat in the room
"It's way too hot!" I grumbled. "It feels as hot as..." A hot summer's night.
In that case, there was only one question I should be asking right now:

What season is it right now?

And yes, I went with "Joan Smith". Suck it up.

[Sherby~]

Originally Posted by Kaisos Erranon

ARE YOU HAPPY NOW, SHERBY?

Yup.

Everything looks good. I've pretty much said everything else through Messenger already.

[Roger Rambo]

Itsuko was weapons grade moe in this chapter!

[Seitsuki]

Looking thorugh earlier posts..

Can anyone give me some quick info on this 'Crossroads' thing?

[Tyabann]

Originally Posted by Seitsuki

Looking thorugh earlier posts..

Can anyone give me some quick info on this 'Crossroads' thing?

...? That's what we were going to call the VN: The Crossroads of Haruhi Suzumiya.

[Seitsuki]

O-o-h.

Nevermind, mistook it for something else. Tea of Sagittarius has made my mind rather more unstable than it has any business being.