Dating

[Timdog]

Originally Posted by Ascaloth

I see you're being chickenshit again. What's there to be afraid of?

That said, if you know she like another guy, yeah it won't be a good time to approach her at this point. Just hang back and observe the situation, see how it goes.

Ruining the best friendship I've ever had is what there is to be afraid of. Although I also know it could be the BEST thing to ever happen to me if I go for it and she doesn't reject me.

Also, she sort of found out I liked her last year (in my defense, I was drunk when I said this ) although we never talked about it (some friends managed to get it out of me and I'm 95% sure she ended up finding out). I thought she was into me earlier this year but then I noticed she acts the same way towards most of her male friends so that's just how she is (meaning she spends alone time with them quite a bit if they're close friends). Every time I see her I want to go for it, but the thought of losing her as both a friend and more makes me hold back.

[HayashiTakara]

If it makes you feel any better, the likelihood of anyone you are friends with now will continue to be your friends once you're "grown-up", people tend to drift apart its only natural. Your grown-up friends are gonna be co-workers and neighbors, if you're lucky.

Also, its a lot harder to meet someone when you're not in school anymore. School is a naturally social environment. But if you're out in the real world its different.

[Ascaloth]

Originally Posted by Timdog

Ruining the best friendship I've ever had is what there is to be afraid of. Although I also know it could be the BEST thing to ever happen to me if I go for it and she doesn't reject me.

Also, she sort of found out I liked her last year (in my defense, I was drunk when I said this ) although we never talked about it (some friends managed to get it out of me and I'm 95% sure she ended up finding out). I thought she was into me earlier this year but then I noticed she acts the same way towards most of her male friends so that's just how she is (meaning she spends alone time with them quite a bit if they're close friends). Every time I see her I want to go for it, but the thought of losing her as both a friend and more makes me hold back.

Let me put it this way. Your friendship with her is more likely to be hurt by the both of you dithering around the issue, since it's fertile ground for creating all sorts of misunderstandings. In fact, it's actually more healthy for your friendship if you confess your feelings for her, at least if you do it in such a way that she won't feel compelled to reciprocate; by making it clear to her how you feel, and also that you're not expecting her to accept your confession, you're making things clear between you and her, and you're also giving her a chance to at least make her stance clear i.e. reject you without any fear of it hurting the friendship.

This way, if she accepts you, great. If she rejects you, at least both of you are clear on where you two stand with each other, and both of you can get back to the friendship without having to waste time second-guessing each other about your respective motivations. Confessing to her will wreck the friendship? I think not, as long as you play it right and smooth.

[HayashiTakara]

Don't end up like my friend Andrew, he was really close to a girl but was slow at confessing to her, despite my pushing him to do it before its too late. A year went by and he still didn't move forward and she ended up another guy.

[Timdog]

Originally Posted by HayashiTakara

Don't end up like my friend Andrew, he was really close to a girl but was slow at confessing to her, despite my pushing him to do it before its too late. A year went by and he still didn't move forward and she ended up another guy.

I've been friends with this girl for two years but we only got closer spring semester of this year.

She's already been with 4 other guys since then (yes, she was whoring it up a bit but she's stopped doing that now, realized it wasn't really her and was just caught up in what her female friends were doing). Then again, she's also the one I've talked to about this issue so uh yea, that would be REALLY awkward.

[RadiantBeam]

Originally Posted by Timdog

Then again, she's also the one I've talked to about this issue so uh yea, that would be REALLY awkward.

...

No offense, but, if you really like this girl and really want to go out with her, then it's your own fault for missing an opportunity. She knows you like her, and I'm under the assumption that after that happened neither of you really talked about it again. Now, granted, she seems to view you as just a friend, but how do you know that for sure? Maybe she's waiting for you to make the next move since you confessed. Girls have similar fears when it comes to guys: we don't want to lose our friendships with them, but sometimes we miss out on something so much better.

At the very least, let her know you still feel that way so you can definitely be sure of her feelings. The worst she can do is say she just sees you as a friend. If things change after that, then they change.

[Narona]

Originally Posted by Ascaloth

I've been there before, and yes, a lot of girls did friendzone me. Yeah, I did fret about that when I was younger, but then I grew thicker skin as I grew older. I learned to just sit back, observe the many different ladies I hung out with, and looked out particularly for that one girl who treats me just a bit differently. That is when it's the right time to make a swoop (so you see, Narona-chan. it's not a kamikaze tactic I employed! ).

To late for explanations, you're already labeled as Mister Kamikaze of Love in my book!

Originally Posted by Timdog

I know it's not really a problem and that's why I think it's weird that I still feel so down/frustrated about it.

I really think I need to talk to a professional about this but I'm really scared someone will find out I'm going and why I'm going and then I can say good bye to my social life (young adults are pretty vicious socially, I know my closest friends wouldn't care and would probably want to help me out, but I can say good bye to a lot of other people). And yes, I know the whole they aren't really your friends then but the problem is my closest friends are within this circle so I would basically not be able to hang out with them either (also why I'm a huge closet anime watcher ).

So those who are supposed to be your closest friends would not defend you? That's not I call real friends then...

Sorry to be blunt again, but true friends would not care if some morons think it's funny to make fun of you for something like that. Actually, if they are not completely stupid, they would not follow the morons in that kind of situation.

It should be time for them to grow up a bit. They are not in middle school anymore. That sounds ... well you know what I will say

[Timdog]

Originally Posted by RadiantBeam

...

No offense, but, if you really like this girl and really want to go out with her, then it's your own fault for missing an opportunity. She knows you like her, and I'm under the assumption that after that happened neither of you really talked about it again. Now, granted, she seems to view you as just a friend, but how do you know that for sure? Maybe she's waiting for you to make the next move since you confessed. Girls have similar fears when it comes to guys: we don't want to lose our friendships with them, but sometimes we miss out on something so much better.

At the very least, let her know you still feel that way so you can definitely be sure of her feelings. The worst she can do is say she just sees you as a friend. If things change after that, then they change.

but if she already has another guy she's interested in, wouldn't this be a bad time to talk to her about it?

[RadiantBeam]

Originally Posted by Timdog

but if she already has another guy she's interested in, wouldn't this be a bad time to talk to her about it?

I still think you should tell her, clear the air, get a resolution for your feelings. You aren't doing yourself a favor by keeping this to yourself.

[Timdog]

Originally Posted by Narona

To late for explanations, you're already labeled as Mister Kamikaze of Love in my book!


So those who are supposed to be your closest friends would not defend you? That's not I call real friends then...

Sorry to be blunt again, but true friends would not care if some morons think it's funny to make fun of you for something like that. Actually, if they are not completely stupid, they would not follow the morons in that kind of situation.

It should be time for them to grow up a bit. They are not in middle school anymore.


Well said. Nothing to add.

Timdog, listen to the Kamikaze.

People said things would be better socially in hs, then college, and now they say in the real world. Highschool really never does end in the US from what I've seen, it's all the same stupid cliques you have to conform to if you really want to have any friends. Right now I am in with one of those cliques and unless I want to spend my friday/saturday nights alone in my dorm room, I need to be careful about what I reveal about myself.

And I have met people who have the same interests as me but dear god, their personalities were SCREWED UP. Could not stand them.

[Narona]

Originally Posted by Timdog

but if she already has another guy she's interested in, wouldn't this be a bad time to talk to her about it?

I would say it depends. If you never showed anything that could make think her that you like her, then you can continue like that, I guess.

But from what I saw around me, men are not good in hiding their feelings. So if you think she has doubts, maybe you should say it and make things clear.

[Narona]

Originally Posted by Timdog

People said things would be better socially in hs, then college, and now they say in the real world. Highschool really never does end in the US from what I've seen, it's all the same stupid cliques you have to conform to if you really want to have any friends.

And I have met people who have the same interests as me but dear god, their personalities were SCREWED UP. Could not stand them.

I believe you don't have to follow the sheeps to make friends. Real friends.

Of course you would not have a lot, and it could take quite some time to make even a few, but that would be people you can count on.

Most people think they have friends, but most are mere acquaintances that will leave them at the first signs of trouble. Aka, the term "Friend" itself is messed up.

Right now I am in with one of those cliques and unless I want to spend my friday/saturday nights alone in my dorm room, I need to be careful about what I reveal about myself.

I respect your choice even if i fully disagree. As we say in France

"Il vaut mieux être seul que mal accompagné."

[RadiantBeam]

Originally Posted by Narona

"Il vaut mieux être seul que mal accompagné."

....

What does that mean?

[Narona]

Originally Posted by RadiantBeam

....

What does that mean?

It's better to be alone than in bad company.

[RadiantBeam]

Originally Posted by Narona

It's better to be alone than in bad company.

Wise advice. *nods* Very wise.

[Timdog]

I guess I could always try revealing my feelings to her tomorrow then be back her to either thank you guys or ask how I fix the mess I just created. :ugh:

would it be better to just outright confess or to just ask her out on a date? I'm thinking the former might be better since suggesting a typical date might not work since we kind of do that stuff as friends anyway .

[RadiantBeam]

[QUOTE=Timdog;2757541would it be better to just outright confess or to just ask her out on a date? I'm thinking the former might be better since suggesting a typical date might not work since we kind of do that stuff as friends anyway .[/QUOTE]

I suggest outright confessing at this point, myself. Best to get your feelings out in the open right away.

[Edgewalker]

Originally Posted by Narona

It's better to be alone than in bad company.

Gotta love this. It's one of those seemingly obvious truths that many people don't seem to get. Constantly needing to be with someone is a bad thing.

Learning how to enjoy being single is great, because then you will know when someone is really worth your time. You wont be blinded by ZOMGINEEDASPECIALPERSONINMYLIFE Goggles.

[Tsuyoshi]

Originally Posted by Narona

It's better to be alone than in bad company.

QFMFT. So true.

[DragoZERO]

Originally Posted by HayashiTakara

Don't end up like my friend Andrew, he was really close to a girl but was slow at confessing to her, despite my pushing him to do it before its too late. A year went by and he still didn't move forward and she ended up another guy.

That is painful. I bet he learned his lesson.