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Old 2009-10-14, 21:10   Link #1881
whitepearl
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Well, the date didn't go as well as the first.



Because I am OVER 9000 when it comes to awkward moments, there were a slew of them this evening. She and I may be destined to be just friends.
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Old 2009-10-14, 23:02   Link #1882
Quzor
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Quote:
Originally Posted by stubby42 View Post
It kind of got lost in the pages a little bit but I got a reply from the girl it wasnt what I wanted but I'm happy with it, she said it was great meeting me again, that she wants to be friends but she's not looking for a relationship right now and said that anyone else asking would get the same answer (she also gave me her phone number).

From what she told me whilst we were on the night out shes been going through alot of bad stuff (some of the things shes had to deal with I wish on no one) so it makes sense.

I know it wasnt what I was going for but i'm actually really happy, I stepped up to the plate and took a swing at bat, normally I'm sitting in the dugout waiting for something to happen.


Anyway I'm sort of back to being confused cause in her message she gave me her phone number and said she'd add me on facebook, I sent a text message back but she hasnt replied or added me as a friend.

What I said:

Hey ..... its phil, sorry only just got your message was on a late shift at work, no worries id really like to get to know you as a friend, I had an awesome time hanging out with you guys so il probably be up again soon Phil


I checked the number and its right so...

Did I come on too strong?
Should I of just sent a facebook message back?
Is it ok to send another message, this time on facebook? (it has been about a day)

I know I shouldnt be thinking about this at all but I'm coming up again at the start of november and they all hang around in a big group I dont want it to be wierd.

I also dont want to make the same mistakes with other girls (If I made any).

Thank you
I'd give it some time. Just as it took you time to get her message because of work, so may she have had a similar issue that is interfering with replying to you. I don't think the message "came on too strong," but I don't know if the whole comment about wanting to get to know her as a friend was necessary. In my mind, it seems like that might convey the idea that you're going to do what she wants, but will continue to pursue your own objectives as well, which I've found can be a turn-off. Either way, don't stress about it; just let the situation play out over the next couple days.
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Old 2009-10-15, 01:52   Link #1883
Throne Invader
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Join Date: Feb 2009
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Quote:
Originally Posted by stubby42 View Post
It kind of got lost in the pages a little bit but I got a reply from the girl it wasnt what I wanted but I'm happy with it, she said it was great meeting me again, that she wants to be friends but she's not looking for a relationship right now and said that anyone else asking would get the same answer (she also gave me her phone number).

From what she told me whilst we were on the night out shes been going through alot of bad stuff (some of the things shes had to deal with I wish on no one) so it makes sense.

I know it wasnt what I was going for but i'm actually really happy, I stepped up to the plate and took a swing at bat, normally I'm sitting in the dugout waiting for something to happen.


Anyway I'm sort of back to being confused cause in her message she gave me her phone number and said she'd add me on facebook, I sent a text message back but she hasnt replied or added me as a friend.

What I said:

Hey ..... its phil, sorry only just got your message was on a late shift at work, no worries id really like to get to know you as a friend, I had an awesome time hanging out with you guys so il probably be up again soon Phil


I checked the number and its right so...

Did I come on too strong?
Should I of just sent a facebook message back?
Is it ok to send another message, this time on facebook? (it has been about a day)

I know I shouldnt be thinking about this at all but I'm coming up again at the start of november and they all hang around in a big group I dont want it to be wierd.

I also dont want to make the same mistakes with other girls (If I made any).

Thank you
That's a pretty good girl you have there stubby42. At least she still decided to be friends with you and keep in contact despite the confession of your feelings to her. She even offered to add you on facebook. Some girls would just stir up conclusions and avoid contact.

It definitely isn't over yet stubby I'd say you still have chances of winning her heart. But she's probably the kind of girl that you have to spend time with. You have to nurture your relationship with her. You have to be patient and take things one step at a time. So you confessed already and she kinda turned you down. Is all hope lost? No

As for the texting thing I'd say she was just really really busy. Numerous circumstances can just pop up and make someone so busy they can't even sip a cup of coffee for 1 minute You also mentioned she had problems. Your text message was fine stubby. Nothing wrong with it. It didn't come on too strong at all

I don't really know her real personality but generally speaking, this kind of girl, in my opinion is someone worth going for. She probably has a good grasp on her priorities. My advice is just to to continue talking with her and nurturing your relationship. You seem like a pretty nice guy anyways stubby. Be careful not to do anything overboard too though. You don't wanna annoy her. Good luck!! and keep us updated in case you recognize any changes
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Old 2009-10-15, 12:04   Link #1884
Ledgem
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Quote:
Originally Posted by stubby42 View Post
Anyway I'm sort of back to being confused cause in her message she gave me her phone number and said she'd add me on facebook, I sent a text message back but she hasnt replied or added me as a friend.
You didn't say anything weird, as far as I can tell. Just wait it out and don't worry. I've become terrible with responding to Facebook messages and I often don't add people back or reply until weekends, for example, although the activity can be sporadic. Even knowing that, I'll sometimes get antsy if someone takes more than a week to reply to me.

Just figure they're busy, and wait a bit... if a week or so passes and you really want, you could try another message. But you don't want to come off as fretting about it and overthinking it.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Splitpersonality View Post
For the record, I didn't mean a heavy relationship, I'm pretty not ready for that... I think I need something light to feel through and see as a compassion to my past relationship, I need to see what my feelings were. I'm not looking to marry this girl, I'm looking to have fun, maybe go out to see if what I feel as a crush for this person is equal to what I felt for my girlfriend.
Admittedly I've always felt that the entire reason for dating is to test for potential long-term compatibility. You start out light, not particularly intending to marry the person right away but not intending to dump them either. If the relationship grows in a positive manner then your devotion deepens and you begin thinking long-term. If the relationship is bad, then you start thinking how to get out of it.

Of course, not all people do that. Some people seem to date for fun. I'd imagine that those sorts of relationships go in a manner similar to how I described, with the key difference being that if the relationship doesn't seem like something they'd want for life, they'll still stick with it unless it's really, really bad. Why? I don't know - maybe because it's something. To me it's a waste of time, as that's time you could spend meeting with and getting to know other potential mates for life, but that's the difference in mentality I suppose. Neither is better than the other.

Still, as I see it (from my limited vantage point and biased opinions) unless you're looking for a plaything or extremely short-term relationship, you'd be better off taking time for yourself. You may intend for it to just be a light relationship, but yours aren't the only desires that would be involved, nor can you predict or control what you might feel down the road. It's not certain disaster if you don't give yourself that time, of course. Good luck either way, and I hope that it all works out for you whichever decision you make.

Quote:
Originally Posted by whitepearl View Post
Because I am OVER 9000 when it comes to awkward moments, there were a slew of them this evening.
Stories, stories! We want to hear stories!
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Old 2009-10-15, 18:24   Link #1885
stubby42
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Quote:
You didn't say anything weird, as far as I can tell. Just wait it out and don't worry. I've become terrible with responding to Facebook messages and I often don't add people back or reply until weekends, for example, although the activity can be sporadic. Even knowing that, I'll sometimes get antsy if someone takes more than a week to reply to me.

Just figure they're busy, and wait a bit... if a week or so passes and you really want, you could try another message. But you don't want to come off as fretting about it and overthinking it.

Thanks man, to be honest I've kind of decided not to worry about it, like I said before I live 4 and a half hours away, theres no point worrying about it when shes made her position clear and the amount of times I'll actually see her will be sporadic at best.


Quote:
It definitely isn't over yet stubby I'd say you still have chances of winning her heart. But she's probably the kind of girl that you have to spend time with. You have to nurture your relationship with her. You have to be patient and take things one step at a time. So you confessed already and she kinda turned you down. Is all hope lost? No

I don't really know her real personality but generally speaking, this kind of girl, in my opinion is someone worth going for. She probably has a good grasp on her priorities. My advice is just to to continue talking with her and nurturing your relationship. You seem like a pretty nice guy anyways stubby. Be careful not to do anything overboard too though. You don't wanna annoy her. Good luck!! and keep us updated in case you recognize any changes
Thanks for the comment on being a nice guy and yeah she's awesome, we really connected whilst we were there, I just dont think shes ready for a relationship right now so maybe something will happen when shes in a better place but I dont want to dewl on it.

But yeah I'll keep you guys updated if anything happens.

Quote:
but I don't know if the whole comment about wanting to get to know her as a friend was necessary. In my mind, it seems like that might convey the idea that you're going to do what she wants, but will continue to pursue your own objectives as well, which I've found can be a turn-off.
Yeah I was kind of thinking that might of been the problem part of the message but I also kind of feel that I needed to say that I understood what she was after, maybe it didnt come out that way.

Anyway thanks everyone, theres nothing I can do without being needy and I dont want to be that guy so if she wants to be friends we'll be friends if not then thats fine too.
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Old 2009-10-15, 18:26   Link #1886
whitepearl
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ledgem View Post

Stories, stories! We want to hear stories!
Stopped by her place to chill before she had to go to her class...I ask about the flowers on the kitchen counter and they turned out to be from someone else she was seeing...

So rather than deceive me, she told me the truth...I was okay with it.
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Old 2009-10-15, 21:43   Link #1887
Otaku Emperor
Love Conquers All!
 
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
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I'm waiting for the right person.

I would want to be with someone who shares my interests (Anime or video games, preferably anime) and gives loads and loads of hugs.

And someone who is nice.

Looks dun matter.

But I have been kissed before ^ _ ^
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Old 2009-10-15, 22:24   Link #1888
Samari
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Originally Posted by Otaku Emperor View Post
I'm waiting for the right person.

I would want to be with someone who shares my interests (Anime or video games, preferably anime) and gives loads and loads of hugs.

And someone who is nice.

Looks dun matter.

But I have been kissed before ^ _ ^
Waiting for the right person? Ha, you're only 14...I think you definitely have some time to wait.
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Old 2009-10-15, 22:33   Link #1889
whitepearl
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And another piece of advice...that first girl you will meet will most likely not be the one.

To be specific...if things were not to work out...it is not the end of the world. You'll meet many, many people in your lifetime and each subsequent girl you meet will be better than the last.

It's a big world...don't think there is only one other girl literally.
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Last edited by whitepearl; 2009-10-15 at 22:37. Reason: So I can sound less callous lol
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Old 2009-10-15, 22:47   Link #1890
Otaku Emperor
Love Conquers All!
 
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by whitepearl View Post
And another piece of advice...that first girl you will meet will most likely not be the one.

To be specific...if things were not to work out...it is not the end of the world. You'll meet many, many people in your lifetime and each subsequent girl you meet will be better than the last.

It's a big world...don't think there is only one other girl literally.
I never said there was only ONE right person, lolz.

I just said, I'm waiting for someone who has similar interests to me and stuff.
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Old 2009-10-16, 04:23   Link #1891
Ricky Controversy
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Originally Posted by Otaku Emperor View Post
I never said there was only ONE right person, lolz.

I just said, I'm waiting for someone who has similar interests to me and stuff.
Some mentor figure in your life has probably already said this to you before, but you seem like a sweet-natured guy with a lot of optimism so I feel compelled to say it: don't ever lower your standards for anyone or anything. It's good that you're open, but if you're waiting for a specific connection, keep on waiting. Most likely, what you truly desire will change as you learn and experience more, but whatever that may become, never settle for any less. Not even once.

Settling in the love department never did anyone any good.
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Old 2009-10-16, 07:39   Link #1892
Mystique
Honyaku no Hime
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Join Date: May 2008
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Originally Posted by Ascaloth View Post
Seems like you guys have agreed that my current approach remains the best one, so far. Now I just have to wait and see what the married man or oneechan has to say....
Aaah, this would explain the sudden rise on my profile page.
6 pages in 6 days with some pretty heavy stuff, sorry i've not been able to keep on top of this (or even the other threads I mingle around in GC tbh),

I see Ledgem and a few others have all been equally dispensing some pretty danm good advice out there, so since everyone is tossing their 2 pence around, seems I can lurk and try to continue from the last page at present.
(aaaanyone wanna write me a 'summary' of each person's current issue and their progress?)

On Splitpersonality's note, your issue was the girl who wanted to experiment and we had a few peeps in here more or less tell you to tell her 'gtfo'? xD
- Seems you've 'parted' on a mutual note, congrats for being an adult bout it and keeping it civil
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Old 2009-10-16, 08:31   Link #1893
Ledgem
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Otaku Emperor View Post
I'm waiting for the right person.

I would want to be with someone who shares my interests (Anime or video games, preferably anime) and gives loads and loads of hugs.

And someone who is nice.

Looks dun matter.

But I have been kissed before ^ _ ^
Interests are important, but less so than values. Sometimes the lines are blurred a bit. For example, a very popular thing to do these days is to go out and get drunk. It's prevalent at the undergraduate student level, but surprisingly it's pervasive even in at the graduate level (although perhaps not as much, as people don't have as much free time). If you're not into the drinking scene and perhaps have a dislike of alcohol and drunkenness in general, obviously your compatibility would be lowered with someone who loves getting drunk. I think of that as a value (dislike of using drugs to alter mental state) and an activity (not going out and drinking).

Hobbies and interests can and will change over time. My fiancee was never into anime, but we've now watched quite a few series together. She isn't a raging anime fan, though. Actually I wouldn't even classify her as an anime fan, she just enjoys watching some of them. To be honest, these days I guess people wouldn't classify me as an anime fan, either. Ah, I remember back when I was 15 or so, I used to watch every single series that was listed on AnimeSuki and managed to keep up with all of them. These days I'm lucky if I can stick with even one... change of interests, change of lifestyle.

The big reason I'm replying was just to say that looks do matter. You have the right idea that they're not the most important thing to look for, but don't tell yourself that they don't matter at all. It isn't shallow to say that. You want to be with someone who is attractive to you. You want to be proud of them in all aspects, you want to feel good walking next to them and bringing them out to social functions, and you want to be able to look over at them and think to yourself "wow, she (or he) is so beautiful/handsome, what an amazing person, I'm so lucky." It matters. If your sole connection is based on hobby then you might as well just be good friends and nothing more, and once hobbies change then the relationship might be in jeopardy.

I'll just clarify (partly to keep Narona at bay ) that the beauty aspect should be based on your opinion. If the whole school (or the whole office, for you adults) feels that one girl/guy is the absolute best-looking human on the face of the planet, that shouldn't have anything to do with your desire for him/her. If you find him/her attractive (or unattractive) that is all that needs to be considered.

How much does it matter overall? I'd subjectively rank it third, with similar life values being #1 and similar relationship goals being #2. A girl doesn't have to be into anime and videogames for you to get along great with her and find other, potentially new shared interests.
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Old 2009-10-16, 09:23   Link #1894
Shiemi
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Originally Posted by Ledgem View Post
The big reason I'm replying was just to say that looks do matter. You have the right idea that they're not the most important thing to look for, but don't tell yourself that they don't matter at all. It isn't shallow to say that. You want to be with someone who is attractive to you. You want to be proud of them in all aspects, you want to feel good walking next to them and bringing them out to social functions, and you want to be able to look over at them and think to yourself "wow, she (or he) is so beautiful/handsome, what an amazing person, I'm so lucky." It matters. If your sole connection is based on hobby then you might as well just be good friends and nothing more, and once hobbies change then the relationship might be in jeopardy.

I'll just clarify (partly to keep Narona at bay ) that the beauty aspect should be based on your opinion. If the whole school (or the whole office, for you adults) feels that one girl/guy is the absolute best-looking human on the face of the planet, that shouldn't have anything to do with your desire for him/her. If you find him/her attractive (or unattractive) that is all that needs to be considered.
This about looks reminded me of some stuff I've either encountered or experienced. Just recently, one of the teachers in the school where I work, who is divorced and has two kids like 'moi', was convinced about going on a blind date set by other colleagues. She rejected the guy when she saw he had some black teeth. Other colleagues tried to tell her that she could fix that by bringing him to a good dentist, but she was not persuaded, even though the guy looked okay otherwise.

On another note, when I was an undergraduate, I went out a few times with a guy who was about 8 years older than I. The age gap didn't matter to me, but sometimes I wonder if I was too shallow because I never wanted to really date him because he had some fake teeth he would remove whenever we were going to eat, making me cringe.

In that sense, sometimes it's not just the looks, but other things too that can affect, unless one is able to overlook them somehow.
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Old 2009-10-16, 09:42   Link #1895
Ascaloth
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@Mystique,

LOL, a summary of what I've been up to will still take a looooooong while......

That said, update on my situation:

We're heading into the crunch time period of the term. She's starting to get real busy, and I'm facing the prospect of having a bunch of stuff to do myself. Things look like they're gonna be this way for the next couple or three weeks, and this is the first week in recent memory that we haven't been able to go on a date, although that's mostly because we just haven't been able to meet in campus. Considering the work we're having to deal with at this stage, I'd say it's for the better anyway; so the question I have is actually fairly minor. How do I strike a balance between not jeopardizing her grades and mine as well, and not letting what we have cool down from neglect?

Otherwise, everything is going good; we're still talking quite a bit despite the schoolwork, and we're going to see the MJ movie on the 30th (....what? She liked MJ. ), so there's no real trouble brewing actually. I just need to figure out how to strike that balance between now and until then; heck, I'll probably need to do that again when it comes time for the exam period. So yeah, to reiterate, how do I do that? Is finding opportunities to snuggle her for brief periods sufficient? Or anything else I can consider trying?

*pokes Ledgem*
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Old 2009-10-16, 09:55   Link #1896
Kakashi
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Looks can say an aweful lot about lifestyle, it's not a completely superficial aspect of dating. You want to date someone who looks healthy and vibrant, not a zombie who's clearly been up all night for several nights in a row, or who's been eating junk. Again, it reflects their chosen lifestyle, and when a person puts in effort to do all the right things (like GO to the dentist), they want...or expect a similar level of mindfulness from a partner. It ties in to life values in a way.
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Old 2009-10-16, 15:25   Link #1897
Quzor
It's the year 3030...
 
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Spaceport Colony Sicilia
Age: 39
@Ascaloth:

You're still talking quite a bit, it seems, which is a good thing. That, in itself, may be enough to keep what you have going strong, without jeopardizing each others grades. By the same token (forgive me for being unable to recall if we've moved past this bit), this may be a good opportunity to give her the time to sort out her feelings without the whole physical aspect of the relationship have an affect on her decision.

You could always suggest a specific day and time where the two of you decide to meet up for a short period; a coffee or something of that nature. I'm sure the opportunity to get away from your studies, if only for a brief time, would be of benefit to both of you, so that your brains don't burn out from staring at text books and classroom material for umpteen consecutive hours.
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Old 2009-10-16, 16:26   Link #1898
Otaku Emperor
Love Conquers All!
 
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: The Suzumiya Haruhi Section of AnimeSuki, (I placed my main Otaku HQ box there)
Age: 29
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ledgem View Post
Interests are important, but less so than values. Sometimes the lines are blurred a bit. For example, a very popular thing to do these days is to go out and get drunk. It's prevalent at the undergraduate student level, but surprisingly it's pervasive even in at the graduate level (although perhaps not as much, as people don't have as much free time). If you're not into the drinking scene and perhaps have a dislike of alcohol and drunkenness in general, obviously your compatibility would be lowered with someone who loves getting drunk. I think of that as a value (dislike of using drugs to alter mental state) and an activity (not going out and drinking).

Hobbies and interests can and will change over time. My fiancee was never into anime, but we've now watched quite a few series together. She isn't a raging anime fan, though. Actually I wouldn't even classify her as an anime fan, she just enjoys watching some of them. To be honest, these days I guess people wouldn't classify me as an anime fan, either. Ah, I remember back when I was 15 or so, I used to watch every single series that was listed on AnimeSuki and managed to keep up with all of them. These days I'm lucky if I can stick with even one... change of interests, change of lifestyle.

The big reason I'm replying was just to say that looks do matter. You have the right idea that they're not the most important thing to look for, but don't tell yourself that they don't matter at all. It isn't shallow to say that. You want to be with someone who is attractive to you. You want to be proud of them in all aspects, you want to feel good walking next to them and bringing them out to social functions, and you want to be able to look over at them and think to yourself "wow, she (or he) is so beautiful/handsome, what an amazing person, I'm so lucky." It matters. If your sole connection is based on hobby then you might as well just be good friends and nothing more, and once hobbies change then the relationship might be in jeopardy.

I'll just clarify (partly to keep Narona at bay ) that the beauty aspect should be based on your opinion. If the whole school (or the whole office, for you adults) feels that one girl/guy is the absolute best-looking human on the face of the planet, that shouldn't have anything to do with your desire for him/her. If you find him/her attractive (or unattractive) that is all that needs to be considered.

How much does it matter overall? I'd subjectively rank it third, with similar life values being #1 and similar relationship goals being #2. A girl doesn't have to be into anime and videogames for you to get along great with her and find other, potentially new shared interests.
But I dun care much about looks anyway.

I would still rather be with someone with similar interests then a good looking girl.

I dun wanna think of the girl I'm with as a prize, I want to think of her as someone I can enjoy sharing my hobbies with.

I'm not lowing my standeds, no no no, I just dun actually care much about looks.

Otaku's and gamers Pwn looks, (IMO)

And besides, I'm still young, sooo, I can't really think of what else I would be getting into besides playing video games and watching anime and going to movies ^ _ ^ (And hugs and kisses)

Anyway, and as for social fluctu-something, I've never been extremely social with many people ^ _ ^ (More then 4 people makes me feel crowded) And I've never liked partys, and never put tooo many efforts to act the same as the group. Lolz. So how I look socially dun matter to me, I just be a nice person and see where it takes me.
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Old 2009-10-16, 17:39   Link #1899
Narona
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ledgem View Post
I'll just clarify (partly to keep Narona at bay ) that the beauty aspect should be based on your opinion. If the whole school (or the whole office, for you adults) feels that one girl/guy is the absolute best-looking human on the face of the planet, that shouldn't have anything to do with your desire for him/her. If you find him/her attractive (or unattractive) that is all that needs to be considered.

How much does it matter overall? I'd subjectively rank it third, with similar life values being #1 and similar relationship goals being #2. A girl doesn't have to be into anime and videogames for you to get along great with her and find other, potentially new shared interests.
What did you expect me to reply?

Actually I entirely approve what you said (that happens quite a lot lately ).

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kakashi View Post
Looks can say an aweful lot about lifestyle, it's not a completely superficial aspect of dating. You want to date someone who looks healthy and vibrant, not a zombie who's clearly been up all night for several nights in a row, or who's been eating junk. Again, it reflects their chosen lifestyle, and when a person puts in effort to do all the right things (like GO to the dentist), they want...or expect a similar level of mindfulness from a partner. It ties in to life values in a way.
Good look is not only physical appearance like nice face, long hair etc. For example, when I look at the boys clothes at my university, I can deduce those who might iron their clothes themselves. It seems rather not important at first, but I consider that as a good quality that can be reflected on one's appearance.



Quote:
Originally Posted by whitepearl View Post
And another piece of advice...that first girl you will meet will most likely not be the one.

To be specific...if things were not to work out...it is not the end of the world. You'll meet many, many people in your lifetime and each subsequent girl you meet will be better than the last.

It's a big world...don't think there is only one other girl literally.
I might be too blunt, but why are you already trying to "comfort" somebody who has not failed yet?

I'll be honest, I dislike bitter people. I don't know if it's your case, but I heard so many bitter people saying things like that, that I feel like posting about it. I apologize in advance if you're not part of those people.

I dislike the ones who failed something (whatever the goal) and so hang around spreading the words that the other people will most likely fail too (actually, from my pov, that should not stop them to actually cheer for those who have still the chance to achieve what they failed to achieve, instead of already syaing to them that "it is ok to fail").

I hope I will not bring misfortune on Ledgem's couple (I sincerely wish you and your GF a lot of happiness, Ledgem.), but so far, and to give an example of people we know a bit here on AS (so I hope i'll not be neg repped this time by Mister/Miss I hate Narona's examples) it seems that his soon-to-become wife did wait a bit for the right guy, and actually met him. I'll not say that such things happens often, but for those who seek such goal (so not everyone obviously), I think it's good to say to them that it can definitely happen, and I think that's not something "bad" to not experience failed relationships (again I hope i'll not bring misfortune on your couple, Ledgem >.< ). I don't see the point of crushing people hopes.

So, my opinion is, and I believe that it's true for a lot of goals you could have (well, I talk about realistic goals, like not expecting to be the first RL Sayajin)), till everything is not over, continue to fight. Don't start doing something while thinking that "it will probably fail so let's alreday start comforting myself that it will be ok to fail", that will only slow you, and put even more obstacles on your way. Instead, do your best, abd work harder than hard.

This way, imo, you'll give yourself more chances of success, and you'll have no, or at least less regrets if it fails.
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Old 2009-10-16, 18:12   Link #1900
stubby42
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Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: UK/Canada
Quote:
But I dun care much about looks anyway.

I would still rather be with someone with similar interests then a good looking girl.

I dun wanna think of the girl I'm with as a prize, I want to think of her as someone I can enjoy sharing my hobbies with.

I'm not lowing my standeds, no no no, I just dun actually care much about looks.
I'm sorry but unless your deliberatly saying hey look over there is the epitomy of ugly, I shall date them then your probably deciding if their attractive or not, which you do on instinct (we are animals after all).

Now thats not to say your going after super models because your probably not but in a very, very rapid amount of time you've decided if another person is attractive or not based purely on apperence.

Of course theres a distinct possibility that personality wise or life stylewise they might not be a match but thats why you talk to a person and fliter with them, both of you are trying to decide if each other is a good match.

Like it or not there have been extensive studies into sexual attraction, its a pretty interesting subject, I just skim read this article and its probably worth checking out.

sexual attraction
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