Dating

[Otaku Emperor]

Originally Posted by Ricky Controversy

Did you find out about this because she herself told you? In that case, if it's 'not your business' to her, then she shouldn't have brought it up, and you might convey as much to her.

If you found out second-hand, then you need to accept that attempting to interject in this situation may overstep the bounds she has in mind for you, and could cost you your friendship with her.

As long as you understand the potential consequences, you shouldn't have regrets regardless of how you go forward from here.

She told me.

I understand that it is a big f**k you to love, that it could be dangrous, and that I will never respect her relationship or her again.

[Ricky Controversy]

Originally Posted by Otaku Emperor

She told me.

Then it's a bit unrealistic of her to not expect you'd have an opinion on this, whether or not your opinion was asked for. It's not a casual issue, especially not at such a young age, so of course people will have reactions.

If you honestly consider that behavior to be such a flaw in her character that you cannot tolerate it, then abide by your principles and break off your friendship with her. Or, if her friendship means more to you than the disgust you feel towards the situation, then resolve to swallow your emotions on this one and ride it out.

Whatever you decide, go with it all the way.

[Pocky Yoshi]

Originally Posted by Otaku Emperor

No? But she suffers from depression.

I'm one of the people who has to f**king deal with her, whenever she gets depressed and wants to kill herself.

Because I care..

You seem to be fond of her.
I understand you care for her deeply.
But it looks like it may be more than that?

[Otaku Emperor]

Originally Posted by Ricky Controversy

Then it's a bit unrealistic of her to not expect you'd have an opinion on this, whether or not your opinion was asked for. It's not a casual issue, especially not at such a young age, so of course people will have reactions.

If you honestly consider that behavior to be such a flaw in her character that you cannot tolerate it, then abide by your principles and break off your friendship with her. Or, if her friendship means more to you than the disgust you feel towards the situation, then resolve to swallow your emotions on this one and ride it out.

Whatever you decide, go with it all the way.

It's just hard to know what to do.

She is one of my really good friends, and she's helped me out tons when I've needed it.

But I have a serious hatrid for people who do stuff like that, feeling that they are scum upon earth.

So I don't know what I would do...

One part feels that I should still be there for her, because she's a good friend who would proberly do the same for me, while another part feels that if she ignores this advice, she's on her own path, to face whatever conciquences are of the result.

Originally Posted by Namuskull

You seem to be fond of her.
I understand you care for her deeply.
But it looks like it may be more than that?

What are you talking about?

[whitepearl]

Originally Posted by Otaku Emperor

It's just hard to know what to do.

She is one of my really good friends, and she's helped me out tons when I've needed it.

But I have a serious hatrid for people who do stuff like that, feeling that they are scum upon earth.

So I don't know what I would do...

In my opinion, you should slowly cut off ties with her.

[RadiantBeam]

Originally Posted by Otaku Emperor

What are you talking about?

He's asking if you have feelings for your friend.

[Ricky Controversy]

Originally Posted by Otaku Emperor

One part feels that I should still be there for her, because she's a good friend who would probably do the same for me, while another part feels that if she ignores this advice, she's on her own path, to face whatever consequences are of the result.

I guess it comes down to deciding whether it's something you can let go of in view of how much you value her friendship, or if this one principle means that much to you, that you cannot abide anyone who crosses that line, ever.

What are you talking about?

He's suggesting you might be romantically interested in her.

EDIT:

Originally Posted by RadiantBeam

He's asking if you have feelings for your friend.

Jinx!

[Otaku Emperor]

Originally Posted by whitepearl

In my opinion, you should slowly cut off ties with her.

Well for one, she's in my writing club.

Two, I don't want to hurt her.

Three, I'm just not sure of what to do, if she wasn't a good friend to me, I proberly wouldn't care. (Being a Tsunder, she took awhile to become friends with, and she's picky about her friends)

[RadiantBeam]

Originally Posted by Ricky Controversy

Jinx!

So, who owes who a soda?

Originally Posted by Otaku Emperor

Well for one, she's in my writing club.

Two, I don't want to hurt her.

Three, I'm just not sure of what to do, if she wasn't a good friend to me, I proberly wouldn't care. (Being a Tsunder, she took awhile to become friends with, and she's picky about her friends)

Unfortunately, you're in a no one situation here. She's doing something you don't agree with, and she seems willing to cut you off if you don't agree with what she wants to do. Either you stick it out and hope things get better for both of you, or you start cutting your ties with her now. If you can't accept what she's doing, I suggest the latter option. Staying friends with someone who does things you can't swallow isn't good for either of you.

[Otaku Emperor]

Originally Posted by RadiantBeam

He's asking if you have feelings for your friend.

What? No >.< Of course not.

[Mystique]

Originally Posted by whitepearl

In my opinion, you should slowly cut off ties with her.

Seconded.
Quickly skimming all the replies you've written to ricky and RB, if she's arrogant enough to know better and not seriously consider your feelings as someone who is worried for her as a friend, then let it drop.

Not to mention that the idea of a threesome seems to disgust you (kinda cute that), but it seems that you will lose repsect for her, then there's no use forcing yourself to remain friends for friends sake, especially when one conducts in a way that goes against what feels comfy for you.
You can be civil and nice in your writing clubs, but don't take her problems onto your shoulders if she's not willing to seriously consider your opinions and thoughts for her.
Friendship is also a two way street and I know you'll be used and spat out if what you've said in the last hour is accurate.

I sense you'll be hesistant to break off, so that's something else for you to figure out, how much can you take before you hit our own limit of being patient and supportive.

Good luck~

[whitepearl]

Originally Posted by Otaku Emperor

Well for one, she's in my writing club.

Two, I don't want to hurt her.

Three, I'm just not sure of what to do, if she wasn't a good friend to me, I proberly wouldn't care. (Being a Tsunder, she took awhile to become friends with, and she's picky about her friends)

You have your own standards that you hold people to. I would still expect people to live up to said standards and not be so willing to make too many exceptions.

I didn't learn this at first but very good friends are replaceable.

[Otaku Emperor]

Originally Posted by Mystique

Seconded.
Quickly skimming all the replies you've written to ricky and RB, if she's arrogant enough to know better and not seriously consider your feelings as someone who is worried for her as a friend, then let it drop.

Not to mention that the idea of a threesome seems to disgust you (kinda cute that), but it seems that you will lose repsect for her, then there's no use forcing yourself to remain friends for friends sake, especially when one conducts in a way that goes against what feels comfy for you.
You can be civil and nice in your writing clubs, but don't take her problems onto your shoulders if she's not willing to seriously consider your opinions and thoughts for her.
Friendship is also a two way street and I know you'll be used and spat out if what you've said in the last hour is accurate.

I sense you'll be hesistant to break off, so that's something else for you to figure out, how much can you take before you hit our own limit of being patient and supportive.

Good luck~

I guess so.

I'll play it by ear, I'll make the desision if she does so. (Though right now it's more leaned towards not feeling like talking to her)

Wait, so whats cute about the not liking the threesome thing? (Thats not the sarcastic cute is it? Hard to tell sarcasm over the net)

[Ledgem]

Originally Posted by Otaku Emperor

It's just hard to know what to do.

She is one of my really good friends, and she's helped me out tons when I've needed it.

But I have a serious hatrid for people who do stuff like that, feeling that they are scum upon earth.

So I don't know what I would do...

I can commiserate with your values. People who are promiscuous (which your friend's threesome would partly be), who don't seem to value relationships, etc. It's something that I don't agree with.

But part of the issue here is that you're being judgmental. We all are judgmental in our own ways, but how hard we persecute others is something that we all have to work on. You're looking at her desire to engage in a threesome with a third unknown as spitting on what it means to be in a relationship. Who are you or I to say that? For us (and much of society), being in a relationship means committing to one person, particularly in the area of sex.

Yet that isn't a universal truth or requirement, it's just our society's value. For all we know, it would make she and her boyfriend even closer to do threesomes with an unknown - almost like going on an adventure. And who knows, perhaps they don't value sex in the same manner that we do. (I did my fair share of fantasizing at the age of 15, but felt very strongly about not engaging in anything until I was married, and had the opportunity to turn down some... offers. Your friend is clearly very different.) Who are we to push our values on them?

If your friend goes on with her threesome but largely remains the same person you know, I don't see why you can't still be friends with you. You just need to be at peace with the fact that few people, if any, will have the same standards and values as you do. The reverse is true, as well. Just be accepting. If your friend starts trying to pressure you into threesomes or other things that go against your values then that's a different story. That's not the case at the moment, though.

[Otaku Emperor]

Originally Posted by Ledgem

I can commiserate with your values. People who are promiscuous (which your friend's threesome would partly be), who don't seem to value relationships, etc. It's something that I don't agree with.

But part of the issue here is that you're being judgmental. We all are judgmental in our own ways, but how hard we persecute others is something that we all have to work on. You're looking at her desire to engage in a threesome with a third unknown as spitting on what it means to be in a relationship. Who are you or I to say that? For us (and much of society), being in a relationship means committing to one person, particularly in the area of sex.

Yet that isn't a universal truth or requirement, it's just our society's value. For all we know, it would make she and her boyfriend even closer to do threesomes with an unknown - almost like going on an adventure. And who knows, perhaps they don't value sex in the same manner that we do. (I did my fair share of fantasizing at the age of 15, but felt very strongly about not engaging in anything until I was married, and had the opportunity to turn down some... offers. Your friend is clearly very different.) Who are we to push our values on them?

If your friend goes on with her threesome but largely remains the same person you know, I don't see why you can't still be friends with you. You just need to be at peace with the fact that few people, if any, will have the same standards and values as you do. The reverse is true, as well. Just be accepting. If your friend starts trying to pressure you into threesomes or other things that go against your values then that's a different story. That's not the case at the moment, though.

Nyaaan! But, But. >.<

How do I take her relationship seriously then if she says it, I have a feeling if she did that if she ever said she loves her BF or something, I wouldn't agree with her or anything.

Plus, if they break up she said she would kill herself, SO I'M A LITTLE STRESSED AND TRYING TO DEAL WITH THE SITUATION HOWEVER I CAN.

Sorry, Everythings just so freaking confusing.

[RadiantBeam]

Originally Posted by Otaku Emperor

Nyaaan! But, But. >.<

How do I take her relationship seriously then if she says it, I have a feeling if she did that if she ever said she loves her BF or something, I wouldn't agree with her or anything.

Plus, if they break up she said she would kill herself, SO I'M A LITTLE STRESSED AND TRYING TO DEAL WITH THE SITUATION HOWEVER I CAN.

Sorry, Everythings just so freaking confusing.

If I may say so, personally, I think the major problem here isn't so much that she's considering experimenting with a threesome and is depressed, but that what she wants to do go against your own personal beliefs in a major way. I, of course, could be wrong, but that seems to be the core issue here: that she wants to do something, and you're stressing out because you, for personal reasons, don't agree with what she wants.

[Otaku Emperor]

Originally Posted by RadiantBeam

If I may say so, personally, I think the major problem here isn't so much that she's considering experimenting with a threesome and is depressed, but that what she wants to do go against your own personal beliefs in a major way. I, of course, could be wrong, but that seems to be the core issue here: that she wants to do something, and you're stressing out because you, for personal reasons, don't agree with what she wants.

Because I feel it will end up poorly.

...Nevermind, I'm proberly wrong, once again.

Fine, let the baka have her threesome, I won't care.

But if something goes wrong, then she's on on her own, I won't waste any time with something I've already warned about.

[Ledgem]

Originally Posted by Otaku Emperor

Nyaaan! But, But. >.<

How do I take her relationship seriously then if she says it, I have a feeling if she did that if she ever said she loves her BF or something, I wouldn't agree with her or anything.

How do you take her relationship seriously? Start by recognizing that it's hers, and not yours. Everyone is different, and the fact that a relationship involves two people means that every relationship is drastically different. Look at it from my point of view: honestly, at age 24 I have a hard time taking relationships between teenagers seriously - I think I have a better shot at winning the lottery than many of these relationships do of lasting for life. But out of respect for individuals, I take them seriously, wish them well, and do what ever I can to help them when they say that they're in a relationship and they're really, really in love. It's their decision and their lives. They have ownership and the responsibility that comes with it, not me. I can give my opinion but they'll ultimately do what they'll do, and I can't change that. Once you accept that things become a bit more peaceful.

Your concern seems to stem from the fact that in your mind, a relationship means that you are exclusive to the person you committed to, and they are exclusive to you. That this girl and her boyfriend are contemplating a threesome indicates that they either feel differently, or they don't truly know what it is to be committed in that manner, regardless of what they might say. Even if you had the desire to, you can't alter her values regarding relationships. The only choice is to accept that it's a part of who she is.

You're also concerned that she'll come to regret it. It's quite possible. However, we all generate regrets in our life, and we learn from them. This may just need to be one of those learning experiences for her. You're a good friend for wanting to shield her from that possibility, but unfortunately we can't succeed in life without getting burned every now and then.

Originally Posted by Otaku Emperor

Plus, if they break up she said she would kill herself, SO I'M A LITTLE STRESSED AND TRYING TO DEAL WITH THE SITUATION HOWEVER I CAN.

If your friend is truly suicidal then she needs help. If your school has a psychologist (and most seem to) it might be worth your while to schedule an appointment, speak with the psychologist about your friend. You're under no obligation to identify your friend, if you're afraid that the school would contact her and that she'd get upset with you for that. The psychologist might better be able to discern how urgent it is. If it's urgent, then you might want to try putting the idea into your friend's head that she should seek help and resolve the various issues that are making her suicidal.

[Otaku Emperor]

Originally Posted by Ledgem

How do you take her relationship seriously? Start by recognizing that it's hers, and not yours. Everyone is different, and the fact that a relationship involves two people means that every relationship is drastically different. Look at it from my point of view: honestly, at age 24 I have a hard time taking relationships between teenagers seriously - I think I have a better shot at winning the lottery than many of these relationships do of lasting for life. But out of respect for individuals, I take them seriously, wish them well, and do what ever I can to help them when they say that they're in a relationship and they're really, really in love. It's their decision and their lives. They have ownership and the responsibility that comes with it, not me. I can give my opinion but they'll ultimately do what they'll do, and I can't change that. Once you accept that things become a bit more peaceful.

Your concern seems to stem from the fact that in your mind, a relationship means that you are exclusive to the person you committed to, and they are exclusive to you. That this girl and her boyfriend are contemplating a threesome indicates that they either feel differently, or they don't truly know what it is to be committed in that manner, regardless of what they might say. Even if you had the desire to, you can't alter her values regarding relationships. The only choice is to accept that it's a part of who she is.

You're also concerned that she'll come to regret it. It's quite possible. However, we all generate regrets in our life, and we learn from them. This may just need to be one of those learning experiences for her. You're a good friend for wanting to shield her from that possibility, but unfortunately we can't succeed in life without getting burned every now and then.


If your friend is truly suicidal then she needs help. If your school has a psychologist (and most seem to) it might be worth your while to schedule an appointment, speak with the psychologist about your friend. You're under no obligation to identify your friend, if you're afraid that the school would contact her and that she'd get upset with you for that. The psychologist might better be able to discern how urgent it is. If it's urgent, then you might want to try putting the idea into your friend's head that she should seek help and resolve the various issues that are making her suicidal.

She already gets psychological help, her rents have to lock up the pills and stuff.

Anyhow I guess I understand what you mean, I will try to be more mindful of how different things work for people.

I apologies tons for how I acted, I'll stop ranting at everyone now.. (I guess I still have a lot to learn.)

[mosniper831]

hello ....