Dating

[Knightrunner]

I agree with radiant and Ricky about the letter thing too, but my gut feeling is that your ex-bf still will try to talk to you in person. When creating a letter you set everything in stone about how you feel and how you want things to be. This can help especially during the heat of the moment because a letter can remind you the reasons why you don't want to be with the guy and it helps block out chances of swinging back and forth (hopefully).

[Last Sinner]

Originally Posted by synaesthetic

zebra doesn't like girls, does she?

Now, hold on there, player! Have a go at this then.

Originally Posted by zebra

Thanks! .. and you oddly resemble my best friend x'D

Um, thanks. PM me when you wanna trash guys. Freaking guys.

As for your reply, letter seems the best option. Type it up, edit it as you see fit - you can sometimes say the wrong thing in the heat of it. Stay polite but make sure you are able to send the message you want to while being able to hold your head high.

Speaking of letters. Consider this what the guy is probably feeling right now and that he blew it big time.

[Kafriel]

I, on the other hand, believe that the best approach is meeting them in person. That way I can say NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! and, like, get the message conveyed with no room for misunderstandings Oh, and I'd preferably go with a friend of mine so as not to give him room for talking.

[GDB]

Originally Posted by Kafriel

Oh, and I'd preferably go with a friend of mine so as not to give him room for talking.

I'd be more concerned about any potential flipping out and aggression as opposed to just him talking back. Granted, I don't really know him at all, but that should always be room for concern.

[RadiantBeam]

Having some more knowledge of what's going on, I'm standing firm with my suggestion of sending a letter. It's all well and good to want to resolve things face to face, but when the other party is going to spend that time screaming at you, then it's not worth the time or the effort. At least sending the letter will buy you some breathing room.

[cheyannew]

Originally Posted by RadiantBeam

Having some more knowledge of what's going on, I'm standing firm with my suggestion of sending a letter. It's all well and good to want to resolve things face to face, but when the other party is going to spend that time screaming at you, then it's not worth the time or the effort. At least sending the letter will buy you some breathing room.

A letter can also be xeroxed/scanned so that there is a record of communication....

[Dextro]

Originally Posted by cheyannew

A letter can also be xeroxed/scanned so that there is a record of communication....

Also I believe you can pay extra for the letter to be delivered in hand and signed for if you really need to have a official record of when and who received the letter... Of course that in this case it's probably overkill

[GDB]

Originally Posted by Dextro

Also I believe you can pay extra for the letter to be delivered in hand and signed for if you really need to have a official record of when and who received the letter... Of course that in this case it's probably overkill

Well, she also said there was a key she was sending with it, I believe. That's reason enough to at least get delivery confirmation put on it.

[cheyannew]

Originally Posted by GDB

Well, she also said there was a key she was sending with it, I believe. That's reason enough to at least get delivery confirmation put on it.

Yeah, I'm a graduate (with honours) from CYA-U (Cover Your Arse University)... I'm all about keeping copies, return receipts etc

[Kafriel]

Here's a pop quiz for all the dating students of this thread...You decide to go out with a facebook buddy who you know really well (through FB, so hardly at all actually). You love the first night out, but on the second date she drags you to a party, where she throws up and you know nobody to help her. After taking her to her place and clean up after the mess, you decide to rest a bit but her friends tell you that you really got some nerve even thinking about crashing at the house of a girl you barely know. Next day the date says she's sorry and nervous and wants to make it up to you, totally regretting last night and everything...what do you do?
A) Ditch
B) Stay an extra date
C) Other (expand)

10 points

[Dextro]

Originally Posted by Kafriel

Here's a pop quiz for all the dating students of this thread...You decide to go out with a facebook buddy who you know really well (through FB, so hardly at all actually). You love the first night out, but on the second date she drags you to a party, where she throws up and you know nobody to help her. After taking her to her place and clean up after the mess, you decide to rest a bit but her friends tell you that you really got some nerve even thinking about crashing at the house of a girl you barely know. Next day the date says she's sorry and nervous and wants to make it up to you, totally regretting last night and everything...what do you do?
A) Ditch
B) Stay an extra date
C) Other (expand)

10 points

Well can't really see anyone in the wrong there... tough one. But getting wasted does not bode well for that person. It does not bode well indeed...

Sorry, i guess I'm gonna have to skip this question. I'm tempted to go for the "Ditch" options or A) but I've been know to be overly-conservative and miss quite a few good opportunities cause of it.

[RadiantBeam]

Originally Posted by Kafriel

Here's a pop quiz for all the dating students of this thread...You decide to go out with a facebook buddy who you know really well (through FB, so hardly at all actually). You love the first night out, but on the second date she drags you to a party, where she throws up and you know nobody to help her. After taking her to her place and clean up after the mess, you decide to rest a bit but her friends tell you that you really got some nerve even thinking about crashing at the house of a girl you barely know. Next day the date says she's sorry and nervous and wants to make it up to you, totally regretting last night and everything...what do you do?
A) Ditch
B) Stay an extra date
C) Other (expand)

10 points

Oh, tough one, here. Hm, well, let's see.... If I had to choose, I'd probably go with B, to be honest. Other than the second night it seems like you had a lot of fun with this person, and she seems to be genuinely sorry about what happened, so I don't see a reason to ditch her just because some small things went wrong.

[Rajura]

Well, to echo Dextro, I do agree that if someone does get sloshed on a second date that is poor form. Also, I must say that the gentlemanly thing to do would have been take her home and then gone to your own home... but I'm not pointing fingers.

Also, do you really wanna put of with her friends who were ungrateful for the help you provided her?

If you think she is worth your time and is worth the emotional investment... and you either have no problem with that kind of drinking behavior or you believe it to be just a one-time bad mistake on her part, pursue it.

Of course that is just my 2yen... I've converted some of my assets and all my opinions to yen, considering the dollar is worth squat at this time!

[Tsuyoshi]

I agree with Radiant on this. She did get wasted but she was really sorry for the trouble so she prolly won't go that far to waste herself again. But I'd still be weary of it tho. Go with B, I would say, since it looks like you two had a lot of fun otherwise.

[Pocky Yoshi]

Offtopic: I'm in a relationship with........porn. Is that bad?

Ontopic: But honestly. If this happen to me, I'd most likely do option B out of sincerity and understanding. But until then, I'm a horny(like most men) guy who enjoys being single. Dating are for schmucks.......until a certain special lady just mesmerizes me......wait did I just monologue?

[Kafriel]

It's not a situation that happened to me personally, which is why I wanted to collect opinions. If it were me, I'd ditch her because I hate getting too much attention and clingy people. Oh, and both sides did something wrong (getting drunk after dragging to a party with nobody to talk to/going to her place instead of back home).

Offtopic: I'm in a relationship with........porn. Is that bad?

Yes it is, it puts you off meeting and talking to actual people, thus reducing your social skills as well as raising your bar to whatever preferences you might have.

[Kaijo]

Originally Posted by Kafriel

Here's a pop quiz for all the dating students of this thread...You decide to go out with a facebook buddy who you know really well (through FB, so hardly at all actually). You love the first night out, but on the second date she drags you to a party, where she throws up and you know nobody to help her. After taking her to her place and clean up after the mess, you decide to rest a bit but her friends tell you that you really got some nerve even thinking about crashing at the house of a girl you barely know. Next day the date says she's sorry and nervous and wants to make it up to you, totally regretting last night and everything...what do you do?
A) Ditch
B) Stay an extra date
C) Other (expand)

10 points

Depends how you feel. I'd say B at least, but that's just me. Everyone has their bad points and flaws. Everyone screws up. If you're unable to properly forgive someone for something, how can you expect someone to do the same to you? If you can't accept one person's flaws, how can you expect another to accept yours?

So my C response would be to get to know her, see how much she regrets it. I don't mind someone drinking, but getting smashed so much that she passed out, can be a problem. I'd want to see if she was open to changing.

Above all else, I wouldn't be able to just ditch someone. No one likes to have that happen to them, after all, so I try to extend that courtesy to others. Can at least try to be friends.

Originally Posted by Kafriel

Yes it is, it puts you off meeting and talking to actual people, thus reducing your social skills as well as raising your bar to whatever preferences you might have.

There are many people, single and in relationships, who have a relationship with porn. It's not bad in and of itself. Like anything else in life, it's how you deal with it.

[Jinto]

Originally Posted by Kafriel

Here's a pop quiz for all the dating students of this thread...You decide to go out with a facebook buddy who you know really well (through FB, so hardly at all actually). You love the first night out, but on the second date she drags you to a party, where she throws up and you know nobody to help her. After taking her to her place and clean up after the mess, you decide to rest a bit but her friends tell you that you really got some nerve even thinking about crashing at the house of a girl you barely know. Next day the date says she's sorry and nervous and wants to make it up to you, totally regretting last night and everything...what do you do?
A) Ditch
B) Stay an extra date
C) Other (expand)

10 points

Besides ignoring her friends... I have to ask this question first: Do you have special feelings for her or do you simply follow a relationship protocol?

[GDB]

Originally Posted by Kaijo

Depends how you feel. I'd say B at least, but that's just me. Everyone has their bad points and flaws. Everyone screws up. If you're unable to properly forgive someone for something, how can you expect someone to do the same to you? If you can't accept one person's flaws, how can you expect another to accept yours?

So my C response would be to get to know her, see how much she regrets it. I don't mind someone drinking, but getting smashed so much that she passed out, can be a problem. I'd want to see if she was open to changing.

Above all else, I wouldn't be able to just ditch someone. No one likes to have that happen to them, after all, so I try to extend that courtesy to others. Can at least try to be friends.

Normally I'd agree, but this was their second date. It has to be pretty standard behavior for them to do it without even giving it a second thought that quickly into a potential relationship.

I'd say the very fact that the question is being asked here shows two things.

1. Kaf's friend/acquaintance/etc has enough feelings for this girl to just not be instantly disgusted by this behavior.
2. Person in question also is smart enough to know this is a huge red flag.

Before making any absolute calls, I'd like to know what "rest" means. Was it just sitting on the couch to, literally, rest for a few minutes/hour or whatever? Or was it more like the "friends" thought, and the intention was to spend the night?

[Kafriel]

Before making any absolute calls, I'd like to know what "rest" means. Was it just sitting on the couch to, literally, rest for a few minutes/hour or whatever? Or was it more like the "friends" thought, and the intention was to spend the night?

After-party was like, 3am or something, so I assume it was actually both: spend a few hours on the couch till morning :P

Do you have special feelings for her or do you simply follow a relationship protocol?

I was told that the first date was really great and from what I can tell there's good chemistry between the two, but knowing my friend, he ultimately won't go for anything more than a typical relationship.

There are many people, single and in relationships, who have a relationship with porn. It's not bad in and of itself. Like anything else in life, it's how you deal with it.

Perhaps I took it too literally, I assumed that relationship with porn equals doing nothing else but that...