A Laugh A Day

[OMchan]

Lol, poor thing.

[Aya_Lyka]

that's a funny one.

[Aoie_Emesai]

Originally Posted by Comrade

In response to the WWII joke earlier. here's one along similar lines.

On the eastern front a German sniper is hiding in his spot and waiting for any Russian soldiers who would raise their heads from the trenches. Unfortunately nothing like that happens. After several hours the sniper becomes bored and comes up with a plan.
"Igor!" He shouts a Russian name and a second later one enemy soldier looks up from the trench and the sniper kills him.
Satisfied with the result, he waits for a moment and then calls. "Ivan!" Another soldier stands up and the sniper shoots him as well.
In Russian trenches a young soldier is sitting, all curled up in fear and prays. "Please, not Sergei! Please, not Sergei!"

I think this version is better, lol ^^

[OMchan]

So cute and silly.

[Demongod86]

A college professor had the mysterious habit of walking into the lecture hall each morning, removing a tennis ball from his jacket pocket. He would set it on the corner of the podium. After giving the lecture for the day, he would once again pick up the tennis ball, place it into his jacket pocket, and leave the room. No one ever understood why he did this, until one day a student fell asleep during the lecture. The professor never missed a word of his lecture while he walked over to the podium, picked up the tennis ball and threw it, hitting the sleeping student squarely on the top of the head.
The next day, the professor walked into the room, reached into his jacket, removed a baseball. . . No one ever fell asleep in his class the rest of the semester!

[Konpachi]

During a war, the army didn't have enough time to properly train it's soldiers. So men were drafted, given very basic training, then pushed into battle. One of these men was in the frontline and he threw a grenade over to the other side, hoping to take out as many enemy soliders as possible. One of these enemy soldiers picked the grenade up, pulled the pin and threw it back.



At the start of the school year, the professor walks into his class and tell the class that he believes that at the end of the year, everyone will fail.

At the end of the year, the professor's prediction came true but he allowed his top three students a chance to pass. All they had to do was to come back the next day dressed as an emotion. If the professor couldn't correctly guess the emotion, they pass.

So the next day, Student One walks in wearing a red shirt, red pants, red socks, red shoes, etc. The professor guessed that he was anger and, being correct, failed Student One.

Student Two walks in with a green cap, green jacket, green shorts, etc. The professor guessed that he was envy and, being right again, failed Student Two.

Next, Student Three walks in competely naked but with a hard-on and a pear tied to his penis. Dumbfounded, the professor passes Student Three, but asks, out of immense curiousity, what he was dressed as. Student Three replied, "Can't you see, sir? I'm fucking dis pear!"

[Sazelyt]

Kids are doing, kids stuff. On another dimension.

[Reckoner]

Spoiler for Funny Commericials:

Spoiler for The Wagon:

It seems a farm boy accidentally overturned his wagon-load of corn. The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise.
"Hey Willis!!" the farmer yelled. "Forget your troubles. Come in with us. Then I'll help you get the wagon up.
"That's mighty nice of you, " Willis answered, "but I don't think Pa would like me to.
"Aw, come on," the farmer insisted.
"Well okay," the boy finally agreed, and added, "but Pa won't like it."
After a hearty dinner, Willis thanked his host. "I feel a lot better now, but I know Pa is going to be real upset.
"Don't be foolish !" the neighbor said with a smile. "By the way, where is he?
"Under the wagon!"

Spoiler for Lawyer and a Honest Man:

A woman and her little girl were visitng the grave of the little girl´s grandmother. On their way through the cemetery back to the car, the little girl asked, ´´Mommy, do they ever bury two people in the same grave?´´ ´´Of course not, dear.´´ replied the mother, ´´Why would you think that?´´ ´´The tombstone back there said ´Here lies a lawyer and an honest man.

Spoiler for Another Bill Clinton Joke... They never get old.:

Bill Clinton and the Pope die on the same day, but a mixup in the afterlife paperwork sends them to the wrong places: the Pope goes to hell and Bill goes to heaven. After a couple of days they fix this problem and the Pope gets on the escalator to go to heaven and Bill gets on the other to go to hell. The two pass each other on the way and Bill asks, "How bad was it down there?" The Pope says, "Not that bad, kind of hot and noisy, but I am glad to be going up to heaven now. There's one thing up there I have been looking forward to." Bill asks, "What is that?" The Pope replies, "I want to meet the Virgin Mary." Bill, shakes his head sheepishly and whispers to the Pope, "Too late."

He can explain...

[Aoie_Emesai]

Jokes for ya ^^ (just keep laughing at the end)

Spoiler for A Girls First Time:

As you lie back your muscles tighten. You put him off for a while searching for an excuse, but he refuses to be swayed as he approaches you.

He asks if you're afraid and you shake your head bravely. He has had more experience, but it's the first time his finger has found the right place.

He probes deeply and you shiver; your body tenses; but he's gentle like he promised he'd be.

He looks deeply within your eyes and tells you to trust him-he's done this many times before.

His cool smile relaxes you and you open wider to give him more room for an easy entrance. You begin to plead and beg him to hurry, but he slowly takes his time, wanting to cause you as little pain as possible. As he presses closer, going deeper, you feel the tissue give way; pain surges throughout your body and you feel the slight trickle of blood as he continues. He looks at you concerned and asks you if it's too painful. Your eyes are filled with tears but you shake your head and nod for him to go on. He begins going in and out with skill but you are now too numb to feel him within you.

After a few moments, you feel something bursting within you and he pulls it out of you, you lay panting, glad to have it over. He looks at you and smiling warmly, tells you, with a chuckle; that you have been his most stubborn yet most rewarding experience.

You smile and thank your dentist. After all, it was your first time to have a tooth pulled.

Naughty, Naughty!

Excuse me, What were you thinkin'?

hahaha, i'm still laughing ^^

[OutSmart]

LOL you caught me! lmao

[Cub-Sama]

Originally Posted by Aoie_Emesai

Jokes for ya ^^ (just keep laughing at the end)

Spoiler for A Girls First Time:

As you lie back your muscles tighten. You put him off for a while searching for an excuse, but he refuses to be swayed as he approaches you.

He asks if you're afraid and you shake your head bravely. He has had more experience, but it's the first time his finger has found the right place.

He probes deeply and you shiver; your body tenses; but he's gentle like he promised he'd be.

He looks deeply within your eyes and tells you to trust him-he's done this many times before.

His cool smile relaxes you and you open wider to give him more room for an easy entrance. You begin to plead and beg him to hurry, but he slowly takes his time, wanting to cause you as little pain as possible. As he presses closer, going deeper, you feel the tissue give way; pain surges throughout your body and you feel the slight trickle of blood as he continues. He looks at you concerned and asks you if it's too painful. Your eyes are filled with tears but you shake your head and nod for him to go on. He begins going in and out with skill but you are now too numb to feel him within you.

After a few moments, you feel something bursting within you and he pulls it out of you, you lay panting, glad to have it over. He looks at you and smiling warmly, tells you, with a chuckle; that you have been his most stubborn yet most rewarding experience.

You smile and thank your dentist. After all, it was your first time to have a tooth pulled.

Naughty, Naughty!

Excuse me, What were you thinkin'?

hahaha, i'm still laughing ^^

I was anticipating it to be something completely innocent.

[Kaze]

Originally Posted by Demongod86

A college professor had the mysterious habit of walking into the lecture hall each morning, removing a tennis ball from his jacket pocket. He would set it on the corner of the podium. After giving the lecture for the day, he would once again pick up the tennis ball, place it into his jacket pocket, and leave the room. No one ever understood why he did this, until one day a student fell asleep during the lecture. The professor never missed a word of his lecture while he walked over to the podium, picked up the tennis ball and threw it, hitting the sleeping student squarely on the top of the head.
The next day, the professor walked into the room, reached into his jacket, removed a baseball. . . No one ever fell asleep in his class the rest of the semester!

This one is plain win
I can actually see that happening

[MisterJB]

This is actually a true story.

A guy was traveling in an airplane and when he landen, he noticed that his luggage. He ralked with one of the officers in the airport who says this:

"Don't worry, we are trained professionals and your luggage will soon be with you. We just need one information, has your airplane already arrived?"

[Solafighter]

Bill Engvall-live #2 Airforce Thunderbirds

[Riker]

Wow. Was the game that buggy?

[Solafighter]

Originally Posted by Riker

Wow. Was the game that buggy?

Matrix style.

[Spectacular_Insanity]

Originally Posted by Riker

Wow. Was the game that buggy?

LOL, what the hell it look like they're breaking it down mid-air.

[Urzu 7]

Below is the complete email conversation that Adelaide man David Thorne claims he had with a utility company chasing payment of an overdue bill.

From: Jane Gilles
Date: Wednesday 8 Oct 2008 12.19pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Overdue account

Dear David,
Our records indicate that your account is overdue by the amount of $233.95. If you have already made this payment please contact us within the next 7 days to confirm payment has been applied to your account and is no longer outstanding.

Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles


From: David Thorne
Date: Wednesday 8 Oct 2008 12.37pm
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Re: Overdue account

Dear Jane,
I do not have any money so am sending you this drawing I did of a spider instead. I value the drawing at $233.95 so trust that this settles the matter.

Regards, David.



http://news.ninemsn.com.au/article.aspx?id=665847

Read the link for the rest of the exchange. Funny stuff.

[Evil Rick]

[ZephyrLeanne]

Remember these sillies??




This is in the US...


And this is what your tax goes to.


I can wait. Really.


From the movies...

HK cop drama... or is it?


Trojans had jet fighters!