my manga idea

[Feitolicious]

It's a bit confusing, but it might turn out to be something interesting.

[mace58]

Originally Posted by williamaugustus

hey, so i have been thinking of making a manga and was hoping for some opinions.

it has a Vampire theme so those of you who dont like Vampire themes can just stop here (if you want that is):

Anyway...

a little backround:
so it is based in a world of three races. the humans, the half breads (regular vampires) and the Pure bloods.

the pure bloods are the most powerful (obviously) but there are only about 4 (or less) in the world at any given time. they have no need to feed on human blood (which i will explain in a second). they live until the teach their child and their childs partner the family techneque.

the vampires are more or less a cross between a human and a pure blood. they need human blood. vampires have two types of blood the pure blood blood and the human blood. the problem is that the pure blood blood consumes the human blood. the human blood is needed to stay in control. but they can not make more human blood themselves. so if all of the human blood were to be consumed the vampire would become a monster (kinda like the cliche vampire). anywho... each vampire needs to keep their level of human blood up, hense the blood sucking.

humans are humans. they hate vampires because they think of vampires as monsters. but they dont actually know that the vampires are sucking their blood for good reason.

in terms of politics the pure bloods rule the world. the head of the family is the Empress or Emperor. the title is passed down to son or daughter. son or daughter must choose a human partner to whom they make a pure blood by drainingg all human blood and replacing with pure blood blood. a changa happens and the human becomes a pure blood.
under the pure bloods are 12 vampire families. they each rule a region of the world but report to the Empress or Emperor.
under them are the high class, aristocratic vampires.
under them are the warrior vampires.
under them are the normal population of vampires.
and then there are the humans.

the story:

it starts off in a dream state where someone is recalling their past. he (we will call him Will after me) is recalling the day he became a vampire. (vampires dont gain their fangs until then age of ten. so they are more or less human until then. they age like a human and can be easily mistaken for being human.)
so will grew up as a human, not knowing his past, in the streets of a small village. he had always been told that his parents had been killed by vampires so he really hated vampires, even more than most.

on his tenth birthday a woman came to town. he could tell she was not from the village. she was walking down the street where he was when her purse got stolen. being a nice person Will got the perse back (by force) and returned it to her. she was grateful and took him out for lunch. he thought she was a nice person and they got along.

somehow (which i have not figured out yet) he finds out that she is a vampire. he goes into a rage which awakens his vampireness. he, in his fit of rage attacks her and ends up shattering her hand and wrist/forearm (which she is quite suprised about). but she ends up pinning him down. and he starts to cry and yells about how he cant believe he trusted a vampire and how he thought she was a nice person. she tells him something like "when was it ever made a rule that vampires were required to be mean. look at yourself. you are a vampire and you are a kind person."

will calms down and ends up fainting. when he awakes (remeber this is still a dream) he finds himself in a huge house/mansion and it turns out that the woman vampire is actually from one of the 12 vampire families. they make a deal with eachother- she will train him to his full vampire portenial and in return he will serve her as a personal servant.

along side him is Shawna a human girl (also ten years old) who the lady (whose name i have not come up with yet) took in and is now another personal servant. the two of them become friends and are always working together.

But then will wakes up and it is six years later. will has barely aged and still looks like he is ten. shawna on the other hand aged and is now sixteen (and looks sixteen). she is yelling at Will to get up because they are going to be late and that is where everything begins.


a few plot themes along the way:

Will is actually the Empress' son that nobody knew of (not even members of the 12 families). this means that he would not crave humanblood which can bring up a mystery of the sort. this wont become known until a bit into the series.

Will also falls in love with Shawna and ends up making her a Pure blood too.

when they both are serving the lady another vampire from one of the other 11 vamp families comes to stay at the lady's house and toys with shawna.

once shawna becomes a pure blood the 2 of them go on missions where they mustt discise themselves as humans and go to the human cities.

and other drama which i have not thought up yet. but it is more or less about how Will and Shawna deal with life, which ends up being them ruling the world eventually, and how they deal with eachother.


OK what do you think?

niceeeeeeeeee!!! hope when u make it itll go good but try to keep it more "Manga" style when u make it its good all in all i approve it and when u make it let me know i wanna read it and if u like Naruto read my 2 posts on my characters good luck to you

[WolfishInclinations]

A very interesting premise in terms of why vampires need to drink human blood, I don't think I ever seen that explanation. Very original.

Plot:
I have to stress the point that Cyclone made in an earlier post: The story needs a defined conflict and a worthy antagonist. It can't be something in the short term either, it needs something large and overarching as well. You can have lesser enemies and conundrums come up, but the focus always need to return to that main goal/conflict. Blayne is good for a starting point, but there needs to be something beyond him or he needs to assume a more powerful role as the story proceeds. I would also definitely bring in political wheelings and dealings into the story. Subterfuge makes for good fun and with 12 families I can't imagine the political scene would be peaceful either. Watch that it doesn't slide into other mangas' plots. It's very easy to do so, as I'm sure you have been influenced by so many.

Characters:

Will: Be VERY careful. Cold characters often come out to be about as interesting as a bowl of cold oatmeal and don't hold the reader's attention. He can be cold, but maybe equip him with a sardonic sense of humor and inner monologue. Give him enough personality quirks to make him interesting, but make sure to avoid the cliche.

Shawna: Again, be careful. Don't turn her into the typical loud female lead. Also, why would someone with her personality type be hanging out with someone like Will? You have to ask yourself that question when shaping both her and Will's characters. Their relationship is apparently a major part of the story, so you can't make it simply something that's just there.

Lady Cyrilla: I have to admit, I have a weakness for characters like her. Tough on the outside, but big old softies at heart. My advice for her is to investigate and focus on her motivations. She doesn't have to extend her kindness, for she's one of the elites. Why does she act the way she does? What shaped her into the way she is?

Kayleigh: I would ditch the "gentle" part of her personality to be completely honest. Make her just, not kind. If she's held her position for so long, she's got to be pretty tough. Any kindness would be taken advantage of in such a key role. Also, it would make her heartbreak that much more surprising if we do see her as such a formidable political machine.

Edgar: I know he's a background/past character, but make sure the audience knows him. Make his presence felt in the story, otherwise Kayleigh's feelings will just be wasted.

Blayne: The fact that you haven't figured out the personality or motivation to your villain worries me. He is every bit as important as the protagonist. You have to make him charismatic in his own way, and I don't mean that in the "charming" sense. You have to write him in a way that makes him seem worth fighting against. You have to make him complicated enough for the readers to be drawn to him.

Overall character advice: Let your characters guide the plot. You may have an overall plot idea, but as the characters evolve they may take it in a completely different direction. It's often the best idea just to go with that, instead of forcing them into your outline. You'll know you've created suitably complex persona when they develop minds of their own and start hijacking your own story.

Setting:
Is this a completely different world? Is it an alternate Earth? Do you have the locations visualized in your head? Do you know the important cities and countries? What's the atmosphere?


For a rough outline, it seems good. As I said before, avoid sliding into the trite which is very easy to do. Get a solid idea of the world and all the characters in it before you start.

Hope that helped!

[williamaugustus]

Originally Posted by WolfishInclinations

A very interesting premise in terms of why vampires need to drink human blood, I don't think I ever seen that explanation. Very original.

Plot:
I have to stress the point that Cyclone made in an earlier post: The story needs a defined conflict and a worthy antagonist. It can't be something in the short term either, it needs something large and overarching as well. You can have lesser enemies and conundrums come up, but the focus always need to return to that main goal/conflict. Blayne is good for a starting point, but there needs to be something beyond him or he needs to assume a more powerful role as the story proceeds. I would also definitely bring in political wheelings and dealings into the story. Subterfuge makes for good fun and with 12 families I can't imagine the political scene would be peaceful either. Watch that it doesn't slide into other mangas' plots. It's very easy to do so, as I'm sure you have been influenced by so many.

Characters:

Will: Be VERY careful. Cold characters often come out to be about as interesting as a bowl of cold oatmeal and don't hold the reader's attention. He can be cold, but maybe equip him with a sardonic sense of humor and inner monologue. Give him enough personality quirks to make him interesting, but make sure to avoid the cliche.

Shawna: Again, be careful. Don't turn her into the typical loud female lead. Also, why would someone with her personality type be hanging out with someone like Will? You have to ask yourself that question when shaping both her and Will's characters. Their relationship is apparently a major part of the story, so you can't make it simply something that's just there.

Lady Cyrilla: I have to admit, I have a weakness for characters like her. Tough on the outside, but big old softies at heart. My advice for her is to investigate and focus on her motivations. She doesn't have to extend her kindness, for she's one of the elites. Why does she act the way she does? What shaped her into the way she is?

Kayleigh: I would ditch the "gentle" part of her personality to be completely honest. Make her just, not kind. If she's held her position for so long, she's got to be pretty tough. Any kindness would be taken advantage of in such a key role. Also, it would make her heartbreak that much more surprising if we do see her as such a formidable political machine.

Edgar: I know he's a background/past character, but make sure the audience knows him. Make his presence felt in the story, otherwise Kayleigh's feelings will just be wasted.

Blayne: The fact that you haven't figured out the personality or motivation to your villain worries me. He is every bit as important as the protagonist. You have to make him charismatic in his own way, and I don't mean that in the "charming" sense. You have to write him in a way that makes him seem worth fighting against. You have to make him complicated enough for the readers to be drawn to him.

Overall character advice: Let your characters guide the plot. You may have an overall plot idea, but as the characters evolve they may take it in a completely different direction. It's often the best idea just to go with that, instead of forcing them into your outline. You'll know you've created suitably complex persona when they develop minds of their own and start hijacking your own story.

Setting:
Is this a completely different world? Is it an alternate Earth? Do you have the locations visualized in your head? Do you know the important cities and countries? What's the atmosphere?


For a rough outline, it seems good. As I said before, avoid sliding into the trite which is very easy to do. Get a solid idea of the world and all the characters in it before you start.

Hope that helped!

this is a big help. thank you.

[King Lycan]

Its getting interesting...i really like Cyrilla XD

[williamaugustus]

thanks for the support everyone. i am almost done drawing out each of the characters. i will scan the drawings to this site when i am done.

[Seriost]

Originally Posted by lsley

The background + Will are a lot like in Vampire Knight + Zero

Guess some more differences wouldn't be bad since ppl would see it as a rip-off of Vampire Knight

Excuse me. I can't see how Will is alike Zero. If you know about vampire history and myths. A boy becoming vampire at young age is damned to stay in the same age but evolve in toughts like a normal human. Imagine a little boy at the age of 10, and staying in his body for eternity. and Will accepts the power of imortal. Not like Zero does, refuse to believe a vampire can do good. And as I see when i read, he gives up hating vampires pretty fast, anyway.

Anyway. a tip for this manga is to REALLY let us know about Will's personal life, so it wont turn out as a regular nonstop shounen with only fighting and action witch stays in a cliché world. If you want to know what i mean check out Ghost In The Shell: SAC. I just cant stand it. Anyway, good luck with the manga!

[williamaugustus]

Originally Posted by Seriost

Excuse me. I can't see how Will is alike Zero. If you know about vampire history and myths. A boy becoming vampire at young age is damned to stay in the same age but evolve in toughts like a normal human. Imagine a little boy at the age of 10, and staying in his body for eternity. and Will accepts the power of imortal. Not like Zero does, refuse to believe a vampire can do good. And as I see when i read, he gives up hating vampires pretty fast, anyway.

Anyway. a tip for this manga is to REALLY let us know about Will's personal life, so it wont turn out as a regular nonstop shounen with only fighting and action witch stays in a cliché world. If you want to know what i mean check out Ghost In The Shell: SAC. I just cant stand it. Anyway, good luck with the manga!

actually this post really set me thinking. i had thought the empress would be a full grown woman probably aroung the age of 24 (looks-wise anyway). but i had not thought of how she aged if she was immortal. i had not though of how she or the other s-class vampires stopped aging.

so then i came up with the idea that s-class vampires stop aging when they pass their blood on to a human (the whole human-to-pureblood change) and in the ex-humans case the minute they become a vampire they stop growing. that way the empress could be full grown.

but now i have to decide whether to have Will stay young forever or let him age abit.

• if i were to have him stay 10/11 forever then he would have a trial to live with. it would give him conflict within himself.
• but if he were to age he would... well i cant think of a good reason to have him age at the moment but it will come to me. at the moment i am pretty much dead from all the travelling i have been doing and cant think straight.

[faintsmile]

i think it would be easier to keep him 10 or 11 looks wise and just have him mature mentally and emotionally.

it looks like your story is really coming along. cant wait for the pics.

[williamaugustus]

Originally Posted by faintsmile

i think it would be easier to keep him 10 or 11 looks wise and just have him mature mentally and emotionally.

it looks like your story is really coming along. cant wait for the pics.

yeah. i think i will go with him staying 10 to 11 looking. it will make the story easier to write. and more interesting in its own way.

[LeaD36]

Since i´m a lazyfatass and too bored to read pages 2 and 3 whole, i´ll just give you some brief overall advice


The Story needs some more twists in the background/reasoning department, maybe one or a few flashback chapters for our main protagonists would be nice, but what i´d really find interesting, is a flashback for the antagonist in the series, why? because usually everything always revolves around the main heros, so why not extra feedback for the opposition? Would make it surely more interesting and unique, or maybe you can change the point of view halfway through from the kidtimes of the main antagonist, or a paralel story, which i know is a lot harder to write and come up with, so basically chapter 1a, and 1b, for protagonist - antagonist, or maybe the same setting just for the 2 protagonists Shawna and Will?

[Kinematics]

Having him be 10-11 reminds me of the pseudo-antagonist vampire in Blood Alone (not exactly friend, not exactly foe). He looks like a kid, but is one of the most powerful vampires around. Similarly, Dance in the Vampire Bund has a lolita as the ruler of all vampires. So setting him up as forever young is certainly not without precedent.

One thing you've mentioned a few times but never elaborated on: what are the 'techniques' that the pure bloods pass on to their progeny? What power do they have that makes that so important?


Things to concern yourself with:

The enemy does not stand still. Regardless of what fights get finished, you have to remember that just because the protagonist is taking a break doesn't mean that the enemy is doing the same.

Words are more powerful than weapons. The enemy that just tries to come up with a more powerful weapon or technique to defeat your hero is trivial to deal with. The enemy that negotiates behind the scenes, building alliances and support among the families in order to achieve their goal (or conversely, blackmail and subterfuge), is extremely difficult to deal with, especially for mere teenager who is unlikely to have the contacts, resources and negotiative wherewithal to counter such activity. Therefore..

Friends are important. In a good story, the enemy is not one that is easy, or even possible, to face alone, such as the above example of the enemy who uses words. The hero must build friendships with those who can help him in areas where he is weak. However those friendships cannot be one-sided, else it's just a network of lackeys. Likewise..

Not everyone is going to be your friend. Mary Sue is not a compliment.

Humans are important. They are also ingenious. Saying that humans "have no chance of winning" against vampires does not give them enough credit, and weakens the feel of your story in general, especially if maintaining your humanity (ie: half-breeds needing to drink blood) is important.

In a world with a large population of vampires, there is almost certainly going to be a fair number of vampire hunters. Not only are they important as a general story element, they are important in helping you figure out what weaknesses the vampires have, how those weaknesses can be exploited, and what sort of changes that knowledge is likely to have on the vampires' behavior. It's also likely that there are vampire hunters that work together with the regular vampire families for the purpose of expunging those that become monsters.



On the more difficult side:

Determine who all (or at least most of) the characters are before you start, even if you never use them. In your particular scenario, you need to know: the names of all the Families; the heads of all the Families; the families of the heads of all the Families; important personel associated with each head of family (bodyguards, intel officers, generals, butlers, chauffeurs, diplomatic liasons, etc); rogue elements/independant specialists; students and teachers at school; etc. Major figures should be given names from the get-go; minor figures can be given names as needed; however even without names, you should still know who the people are in general.

Determine what else is going on that only affects your hero indirectly. For example, a feud that erupts between two families because of a failed marriage arrangement can affect the hero's ability to gain support from either one of them in trying to counter the treachery of the hidden villain.

This is extremely difficult, but will make it far easier for the world to be a World and not a little bubble around your hero.



Last point: the origin of vampires. How they came about can affect certain matters.

Is it purely a genetic anomoly? Have similar mutations happened as well (thus creating more types of human-monsters)? If the genetic anomoly was due an external effect (cosmic rays, meteor radiation, etc), other creatures (non-human) may have been affected as well.

Is it a supernatural curse? Cast by demons or gods? If so, then those types of beings exist as well, and possibly other monsters in associated legends. Done with magic? Then magicians may exist among the human population.

[SagaraSouske]

Just a couple thoughts:

1. You need to establish why there can only be 4 pure blood? How is that enforced? Where they do come from? Do they have any enemies or someone that know their past, secret? What check and balance are in play to prevent the 4 pure blood from going completely insane and just kill everyone else? They don't necessary have to be revealed early but needs to be there for story development.

2. A detailed system of Vampire's powers - what power do Pure bloods have that half breed do not? How do they control half breeds? What can the half breed do? What power do the vampire who lose control have, etc.

3. What technology/science level is the world at? Are there possible scenarios that half breeds can introduce new and never seen before element with the aid of science/technology?

4. How does Vampire keep people under control if humans hate and fear vampire? Simple power is not enough if humans greatly out numbers vampires.

[williamaugustus]

ok so many people have asked about the history of vampires, the technique passed on, and the power that goes along with being a s-class.

here is my answer:


the history:

Spoiler for to conserve lots of space- about history:

in the begining of time vampires and humans lived seperately from eachother unaware of eachothers existence. as technology progressed for each side they eventually ran into eachother. purebloods had no reason to drink the humans blood so the two races had no ill will towards each other. the leaders of each race set up meetings and eventually the races mingled, but no interracial love occured.

one day when the leaders of each race met there was a terrorist attack on the meeting and somehow vampire blood mixed with the humans blood (within the human). the humans that were 'infected' turned into the hybrid race. they, with their lack of control began to feed, ALOT. some gained control of themselves, but others didn't- becoming the first of the 'no control' vampires. many more 'accidents' occured and more 'no control' vamps and half breeds were 'created'.

the three races split hating each other- humans feared the pure bloods, pure bloods did not trust the humans and their terrorists, and the half breeds were the out casts fitting into neither race. oh and then there were the "no control' that were running around killing anything in their path and drinking human blood. each race tried to exterminate the 'no controls', while also killing eachother.

eventually most of the 'no control' vamps were exterminated, but some of the half breeds were still lossing control (but little enough that the others did not have to worry so much). the humans and the pure bloods got into a war, while the half breeds just stayed out. the humans being superior in number looked as if they had the upper hand. and the pure bloods who do not breed as quickly, slowly started to diminish. so they made a truce with the half breeds who would never be accepted as humans ever again. the half breeds became the main force of the vampire race while the pure bloods were few (at that time there were probably 20-25 pure bloods and 500-1000 halfs). the war raged but the vampires figured out how to spawn new half breeds from humans and started making new vampires. the half breed population grew while the pure blood population stayed the same.

eventually the humans planned another attack. they attacked the entire pure blood population in one go. they used everything in their power to get rid of the pure bloods and almost succeeded. but the youngest pure blood had been hidden away from the war, so she survived. the vampires eventually grew in number enough (and control) to meet with the humans to form an agreement.

the agreement was that in exchange for not sucking human blood directly there would need to be a blood drive of the sort. the vampres assumed control of the land and split it into 12 regions. those who had originally been nobels in the human race that were now half breeds would take up the possitions of leaders of the 12 regions. each region was to be ruled only by one of the family resonsible for that region. there would be one person who would be concidered the head of the family for each of the families.

the families were each named for the originally head of the family. a vampire from one of these families was said to be 'from the house of' and the name of the family would go there. these families were named as such:

augustus (lady cyrilla being from this 'house')
burr
conway
emerson
hawes
hurst
landon
morgan
randel
rowle
scarborough
weller

if you can imagine the land they live on as a circle then the pure blood family would house itself in the center and each of the families would control a region in each direction.

augustus to the north
burr to the east
conway to the south
emerson to the west
hawes to the north east to the east side
hurst to the south east to the south side
landon to the south west to the west side
morgan to the north west to the north side
randel to the north east but to the north side
rowle to the south east but to the east side
scarborough to the south west but to the south side
weller to the north west but to the west side

if this is confusing which i bet it is i will try to get a pic to explain. of course the land will not be a circle and it will not be that organized but you get the point (hopefully). i will try to get a pic of the actual land soon.

anywho... the last pure blood Eva became the first ruler of the land. eventually the scientist of the land found a way to create pure bloods (which i explained earlier). they went through many attempts of trying to convert a half breed which never worked. the half breed would either not change or become a 'no control'. they actually never considered humans until Eva fell in love with one. they did tests with his blood and eventually him and he became the first 'human to pure blood convert'. and this started the long line of the single pure blood family.

the pure bloods power:

Spoiler for for space:

ok so you know those movie where a werewolf in light of the full moon becomes wolfish or like how in DBZ they have a transformation to super saiyon. well it is kinda like that. the pure bloods have a 'power up form of the sort'. the pure bloods in the non powerup form are like above average half breeds. but their powerup form is like far beyond.

ok if we put it this way everyone in this world has a life force- a combonation of will and energy. in other manga terms it could be called yoki, chakra, ki, whatever. but it is what keeps one going. if it were to run out the person would die. now unlike in DBZ or naruto it can not leave ones body. it is merely used to enhanse ones body. make one faster, stronger, more agile, improved senses. the more life force ones body has the more that person can do. but they must be able to control it.

so if we were to call a body of someone a contain of this lifeforce then a human is between a cup and a quart, a half breed is between 200-300 gallons, pure bloods in their normal state are between 250-400 gallons, and powered up pure bloods are like the ocean.

so the normal state pure blood has all of that lifeforce but cant use it all. until powered up.

the powered up form... i have not figured out a way to make it work without making it seem as if i am coping someone else but if anyone has suggestions i would be happy to hear them.

and the technique passed on at death:

Spoiler for space again:

i guess it is not really a technique so much as knowledge. they parent teaches the kid how to go into the power up state and actaully passes on their memories to their kid. so the kid knows everything that has passed since Eva and the war. like they had lived it them selves.

it is long but please read it all!

[NobodyMan]

Hmm, some interesting stuff you have there.

About the history, that's pretty interesting. I'm most interested in the terrorists that attacked the meeting between humans and Pure-bloods, what their motivation was, and what their end goal is. That is, if they play a part in the story, and if they do, you don't have to tell us everything about them.

For the whole, pure-blood powerup thing. To start off simple, you can make their powered up state strong, but don't make them overkill, hax strong. Also, you could make it so that each pure-blood has a unique 'powered-up state' (you should come up with a name for that too, like fully realized pure-blood or something), either by bloodline or personality, where they can only greatly enhance one skill-set, while the others just have a moderate boost, like a kind of specialiaztion. For example, pure-blood A can greatly enhance his speed to super-human levels, and can run circles aroud other pure-bloods. Pure-blood B has the gift of advanced shape-shifting abilities. Pure-blood C can use his blood and the blood of other's as a weapon. That kind of stuff.

Hope that helps.

[williamaugustus]

Originally Posted by NobodyMan

Hmm, some interesting stuff you have there.

About the history, that's pretty interesting. I'm most interested in the terrorists that attacked the meeting between humans and Pure-bloods, what their motivation was, and what their end goal is. That is, if they play a part in the story, and if they do, you don't have to tell us everything about them.

For the whole, pure-blood powerup thing. To start off simple, you can make their powered up state strong, but don't make them overkill, hax strong. Also, you could make it so that each pure-blood has a unique 'powered-up state' (you should come up with a name for that too, like fully realized pure-blood or something), either by bloodline or personality, where they can only greatly enhance one skill-set, while the others just have a moderate boost, like a kind of specialiaztion. For example, pure-blood A can greatly enhance his speed to super-human levels, and can run circles aroud other pure-bloods. Pure-blood B has the gift of advanced shape-shifting abilities. Pure-blood C can use his blood and the blood of other's as a weapon. That kind of stuff.

Hope that helps.

thank you!

about the power up state i know that is over kill but it was really just to prove a point. i will come up with a measuring system that is used but the people in the story to develope the actual numbers. and it wont be that high.

as for the unique powers i guess i could give one to each 'house' and the pure bloods can use all of them but only in the powered up form (which yes i agree, i really do need to come up with a name for) use them at the same time. like a pure blood in normal form can use power A seperately from power B and C but not together until in the powered up form.

[faintsmile]

Originally Posted by williamaugustus

ok so many people have asked about the history of vampires, the technique passed on, and the power that goes along with being a s-class.

here is my answer:


the history:

Spoiler for to conserve lots of space- about history:

in the begining of time vampires and humans lived seperately from eachother unaware of eachothers existence. as technology progressed for each side they eventually ran into eachother. purebloods had no reason to drink the humans blood so the two races had no ill will towards each other. the leaders of each race set up meetings and eventually the races mingled, but no interracial love occured.

one day when the leaders of each race met there was a terrorist attack on the meeting and somehow vampire blood mixed with the humans blood (within the human). the humans that were 'infected' turned into the hybrid race. they, with their lack of control began to feed, ALOT. some gained control of themselves, but others didn't- becoming the first of the 'no control' vampires. many more 'accidents' occured and more 'no control' vamps and half breeds were 'created'.

the three races split hating each other- humans feared the pure bloods, pure bloods did not trust the humans and their terrorists, and the half breeds were the out casts fitting into neither race. oh and then there were the "no control' that were running around killing anything in their path and drinking human blood. each race tried to exterminate the 'no controls', while also killing eachother.

eventually most of the 'no control' vamps were exterminated, but some of the half breeds were still lossing control (but little enough that the others did not have to worry so much). the humans and the pure bloods got into a war, while the half breeds just stayed out. the humans being superior in number looked as if they had the upper hand. and the pure bloods who do not breed as quickly, slowly started to diminish. so they made a truce with the half breeds who would never be accepted as humans ever again. the half breeds became the main force of the vampire race while the pure bloods were few (at that time there were probably 20-25 pure bloods and 500-1000 halfs). the war raged but the vampires figured out how to spawn new half breeds from humans and started making new vampires. the half breed population grew while the pure blood population stayed the same.

eventually the humans planned another attack. they attacked the entire pure blood population in one go. they used everything in their power to get rid of the pure bloods and almost succeeded. but the youngest pure blood had been hidden away from the war, so she survived. the vampires eventually grew in number enough (and control) to meet with the humans to form an agreement.

the agreement was that in exchange for not sucking human blood directly there would need to be a blood drive of the sort. the vampres assumed control of the land and split it into 12 regions. those who had originally been nobels in the human race that were now half breeds would take up the possitions of leaders of the 12 regions. each region was to be ruled only by one of the family resonsible for that region. there would be one person who would be concidered the head of the family for each of the families.

the families were each named for the originally head of the family. a vampire from one of these families was said to be 'from the house of' and the name of the family would go there. these families were named as such:

augustus (lady cyrilla being from this 'house')
burr
conway
emerson
hawes
hurst
landon
morgan
randel
rowle
scarborough
weller

if you can imagine the land they live on as a circle then the pure blood family would house itself in the center and each of the families would control a region in each direction.

augustus to the north
burr to the east
conway to the south
emerson to the west
hawes to the north east to the east side
hurst to the south east to the south side
landon to the south west to the west side
morgan to the north west to the north side
randel to the north east but to the north side
rowle to the south east but to the east side
scarborough to the south west but to the south side
weller to the north west but to the west side

if this is confusing which i bet it is i will try to get a pic to explain. of course the land will not be a circle and it will not be that organized but you get the point (hopefully). i will try to get a pic of the actual land soon.

anywho... the last pure blood Eva became the first ruler of the land. eventually the scientist of the land found a way to create pure bloods (which i explained earlier). they went through many attempts of trying to convert a half breed which never worked. the half breed would either not change or become a 'no control'. they actually never considered humans until Eva fell in love with one. they did tests with his blood and eventually him and he became the first 'human to pure blood convert'. and this started the long line of the single pure blood family.

the pure bloods power:

Spoiler for for space:

ok so you know those movie where a werewolf in light of the full moon becomes wolfish or like how in DBZ they have a transformation to super saiyon. well it is kinda like that. the pure bloods have a 'power up form of the sort'. the pure bloods in the non powerup form are like above average half breeds. but their powerup form is like far beyond.

ok if we put it this way everyone in this world has a life force- a combonation of will and energy. in other manga terms it could be called yoki, chakra, ki, whatever. but it is what keeps one going. if it were to run out the person would die. now unlike in DBZ or naruto it can not leave ones body. it is merely used to enhanse ones body. make one faster, stronger, more agile, improved senses. the more life force ones body has the more that person can do. but they must be able to control it.

so if we were to call a body of someone a contain of this lifeforce then a human is between a cup and a quart, a half breed is between 200-300 gallons, pure bloods in their normal state are between 250-400 gallons, and powered up pure bloods are like the ocean.

so the normal state pure blood has all of that lifeforce but cant use it all. until powered up.

the powered up form... i have not figured out a way to make it work without making it seem as if i am coping someone else but if anyone has suggestions i would be happy to hear them.

and the technique passed on at death:

Spoiler for space again:

i guess it is not really a technique so much as knowledge. they parent teaches the kid how to go into the power up state and actaully passes on their memories to their kid. so the kid knows everything that has passed since Eva and the war. like they had lived it them selves.

it is long but please read it all!

wow. lots of reading.
i really like the history and it actually really made sense. and the thought of a peaceful meeting between humans and vampires (atleast before the whole terrorist attack), thats deffinitely unique. love it.
although i do agree with nobodyman the powerup form is a little up there. overkill to the max. but if you change it like you say you will it will be fine.

Originally Posted by williamaugustus

thank you!

about the power up state i know that is over kill but it was really just to prove a point. i will come up with a measuring system that is used but the people in the story to develope the actual numbers. and it wont be that high.

as for the unique powers i guess i could give one to each 'house' and the pure bloods can use all of them but only in the powered up form (which yes i agree, i really do need to come up with a name for) use them at the same time. like a pure blood in normal form can use power A seperately from power B and C but not together until in the powered up form.

i think this would work but it needs something to make it unique. if you know what i mean.

[Cyclone]

Well, good to see you have a villian now.

This villian though - what exactly does he want to do? Become vampire king himself? Exterminate all vampires?
How EXACTLY does he plan to go about in accomplishing his nefarious plans? How close will he get? How will he get defeated?
I agree with WolfishInclinations. You as the author do not have the liberty of simply saying: "personailty: unknown". You MUST know - it's probably more important than the hero's personality. It's the reader who is allowed to be kept in the dark - not you.

More importantly, since the main character doesn't like vampires, why should he care enough to stop this villian? Seems like it'd be tempting for him to join the villian, not fight him. This kind of unco-operativeness from characters is what authors mean when they create characters and let them run wild - they often don't want to do what the author wants them to. You will have to shape the characters into characters that do what you want by putting them through experiences that will shape their character (some characters may even die in the course of this happening).

As your vision of where you want to go with the plot becomes more clear, you will need to add more characters as necessary (minions, friends, sage-types, etc).

[KillerYomaFromSpace]

do you have some concept art about the characters? I'm curious about how its gonna look

[williamaugustus]

Originally Posted by Cyclone

This villian though - what exactly does he want to do? Become vampire king himself? Exterminate all vampires?
How EXACTLY does he plan to go about in accomplishing his nefarious plans? How close will he get? How will he get defeated?
I agree with WolfishInclinations. You as the author do not have the liberty of simply saying: "personailty: unknown". You MUST know - it's probably more important than the hero's personality. It's the reader who is allowed to be kept in the dark - not you.

what he is after is simply to exterminate the pure bloods. he has a major grudge and therefore wishes to, plain and simple, get rid of them. after they are gone he and his wife (to whom he changed) will rule the world. but his goal is not to rule the world that is just an outcome of his plan.

as for his personality he will be nuts. so crazy with rage, but to others he will appear calm and collected. he will care for noone (not even his wife) and will be single minded and stubborn. oh and he will monologue here and there where his true crazy nature will be shown. he is also brilliant and has an wealth of knowledge that challenges the pure bloods (having lived for four pureblood generations).

Originally Posted by Cyclone

More importantly, since the main character doesn't like vampires, why should he care enough to stop this villian? Seems like it'd be tempting for him to join the villian, not fight him. This kind of unco-operativeness from characters is what authors mean when they create characters and let them run wild - they often don't want to do what the author wants them to. You will have to shape the characters into characters that do what you want by putting them through experiences that will shape their character (some characters may even die in the course of this happening).

um let me clarify Will's dislike for vampires. he hates them in the begining because of a misunderstanding. he and the rest of the humans (as he once believed he was) all think that the vampires are like the 'no control' vampires from the stories. where infact they have a law against drinking blood straight from a human. when he learns the truth his hatred goes away. he realizes his mistake and changes his opinion. although he still cares for humans.