my manga idea

[williamaugustus]

hey, so i have been thinking of making a manga and was hoping for some opinions.

it has a Vampire theme so those of you who dont like Vampire themes can just stop here (if you want that is):

Anyway...

a little backround:
so it is based in a world of three races. the humans, the half breads (regular vampires) and the Pure bloods.

the pure bloods are the most powerful (obviously) but there are only about 4 (or less) in the world at any given time. they have no need to feed on human blood (which i will explain in a second). they live until the teach their child and their childs partner the family techneque.

the vampires are more or less a cross between a human and a pure blood. they need human blood. vampires have two types of blood the pure blood blood and the human blood. the problem is that the pure blood blood consumes the human blood. the human blood is needed to stay in control. but they can not make more human blood themselves. so if all of the human blood were to be consumed the vampire would become a monster (kinda like the cliche vampire). anywho... each vampire needs to keep their level of human blood up, hense the blood sucking.

humans are humans. they hate vampires because they think of vampires as monsters. but they dont actually know that the vampires are sucking their blood for good reason.

in terms of politics the pure bloods rule the world. the head of the family is the Empress or Emperor. the title is passed down to son or daughter. son or daughter must choose a human partner to whom they make a pure blood by drainingg all human blood and replacing with pure blood blood. a changa happens and the human becomes a pure blood.
under the pure bloods are 12 vampire families. they each rule a region of the world but report to the Empress or Emperor.
under them are the high class, aristocratic vampires.
under them are the warrior vampires.
under them are the normal population of vampires.
and then there are the humans.

the story:

it starts off in a dream state where someone is recalling their past. he (we will call him Will after me) is recalling the day he became a vampire. (vampires dont gain their fangs until then age of ten. so they are more or less human until then. they age like a human and can be easily mistaken for being human.)
so will grew up as a human, not knowing his past, in the streets of a small village. he had always been told that his parents had been killed by vampires so he really hated vampires, even more than most.

on his tenth birthday a woman came to town. he could tell she was not from the village. she was walking down the street where he was when her purse got stolen. being a nice person Will got the perse back (by force) and returned it to her. she was grateful and took him out for lunch. he thought she was a nice person and they got along.

somehow (which i have not figured out yet) he finds out that she is a vampire. he goes into a rage which awakens his vampireness. he, in his fit of rage attacks her and ends up shattering her hand and wrist/forearm (which she is quite suprised about). but she ends up pinning him down. and he starts to cry and yells about how he cant believe he trusted a vampire and how he thought she was a nice person. she tells him something like "when was it ever made a rule that vampires were required to be mean. look at yourself. you are a vampire and you are a kind person."

will calms down and ends up fainting. when he awakes (remeber this is still a dream) he finds himself in a huge house/mansion and it turns out that the woman vampire is actually from one of the 12 vampire families. they make a deal with eachother- she will train him to his full vampire portenial and in return he will serve her as a personal servant.

along side him is Shawna a human girl (also ten years old) who the lady (whose name i have not come up with yet) took in and is now another personal servant. the two of them become friends and are always working together.

But then will wakes up and it is six years later. will has barely aged and still looks like he is ten. shawna on the other hand aged and is now sixteen (and looks sixteen). she is yelling at Will to get up because they are going to be late and that is where everything begins.


a few plot themes along the way:

Will is actually the Empress' son that nobody knew of (not even members of the 12 families). this means that he would not crave humanblood which can bring up a mystery of the sort. this wont become known until a bit into the series.

Will also falls in love with Shawna and ends up making her a Pure blood too.

when they both are serving the lady another vampire from one of the other 11 vamp families comes to stay at the lady's house and toys with shawna.

once shawna becomes a pure blood the 2 of them go on missions where they mustt discise themselves as humans and go to the human cities.

and other drama which i have not thought up yet. but it is more or less about how Will and Shawna deal with life, which ends up being them ruling the world eventually, and how they deal with eachother.


OK what do you think?

[konstargirl]

Well when are you going to write your manga. Hope its exciting.

[NobodyMan]

Interesting ideas you got there. With a little fine tuning, it could be a very good manga. I would read it at least.

[Savannah]

Sounds interesting
Although I REALLY hate the idea of them being Emperor and/or Empress.
When will u start?
If it'S possible in some way, it would be nice if u could make at least 2 chapters a month, maybe 3. Otherwise it would kill us, just like Claymore :S

In any way, I'm really looking forward to it

[williamaugustus]

i plan on doing alot this summer. although i am still a student so during the school year it will become a bit difficult. and i will scan it to this page for you guys. and dont worry they wont be Emporer/Empress for quite a while.

[williamaugustus]

oh and by the way you guys can post ideas to help along the manga (which i will try to incorporate).

[faintsmile]

well i definitely has potential and i dont mind them becoming Emperor and Empress as long as it is at the way end.
i think there should be a part where they go to school. like when Will ages far enough he goes to human or even vampire highschool. that would be cool.

[williamaugustus]

Originally Posted by faintsmile

well i definitely has potential and i dont mind them becoming Emperor and Empress as long as it is at the way end.
i think there should be a part where they go to school. like when Will ages far enough he goes to human or even vampire highschool. that would be cool.

thanks for the idea. i will be sure to try and fit it in.

[evil_kenshin]

quiet interesting, i like the idea of this manga and can't wait to you start creating it.

Stories which are a retelling of events (like Chrono Crusade for example) are also an interesting way ,prehaps (if its not part of the story already) have an epilogue (very far way i know) giving the outcomes to all the characters too (after they become emperor and empress)

[Cyclone]

Interesting idea. Sorta reminds me a bit of Tsukihime for some reason.

Since you seem to want feedback (wow - that's rare these days), I wont hold back.

Firstly, let me start off by saying I think the general idea is good and has plenty of potential. Thumbs up.

There are a few details you should iron out.

- why was this girl adopted by Miss big shot vampire? Her back story is important. You and me both know she's there to end up as a couple for the protagonist, but miss vampire it seems a little too whimsical to have a 10 year old girl human around.

- The other big issue you have is that the absense of conflict. It is not possible to create good story with no conflict. That conflict can be anything from someone trying to kill the good guy for some reason (please steer clear of this cliche), to the internal conflict of the good guys emotions as changes occur to him (this is very difficult to pull off well). To solve this, I recommend either Vampire Hunter D route - trying to eliminate one of the 12 families that did something truely nasty, or the in general some quest to restore that family name or something (but there must be an eventual goal/resolution). It should all lead to him accepting himself as a "good guy vampire" in the end (changing gradually along the way).

- it might also be interesting to give your main character a few minor flaws - it's hard to relate to saints. What does he want to do when he finds out he's a vampire - he's got super powers now and is immortal. It can and should go to anyone's head.

Basically, you have good characters now though - just dream up something for them to do and most importantly why do it. Then you'll have yourself a great manga.

I just hope you're prepared for the years of full-time hard work to pull it off so that we can read it. Good luck - or more appropriatly for manga - ganbatte, ne
(good luck [but literally: work hard]).

[LustfulEnvy]

I like the concept a lot. You have to be aware when making something such as a manga, you must be able to appeal to a certain audience,Im guessing this will beaimed at Teens?The characters should also be well defined (including supporting and secondary characters) and also characters the audience can relate to. Those are the kind of characters people will remember and have interest in. As explained by Cyclone character flaws can help the audience relate to themselves, like pride, greed eccentricities etc. Also since their is a protagonist of the story and it seems to be a shonen manga type it should have antagonists. There must be conflicts or some kind of problem the protagonist must face to reach a goal. Its a good thing your asking opinions, thats the best way to know what the peopel want. Oh yeah keep it original, there are way too many receycled material like characters and plots. Throw in some plot twists to keep the audience on their toes.

Looking forward to the manga. By the way, how does one achieve becoming pure blood?

[lsley]

The background + Will are a lot like in Vampire Knight + Zero

Guess some more differences wouldn't be bad since ppl would see it as a rip-off of Vampire Knight

[Izayoi]

You should really state out the genre. I just finished reading Blame so my opinion are pretty strict now but yea. Anyways the plot is really a slack off, getting waked up is over used way to begin a story; its goal isn't reinforced enough for any purpose. The setting is overused making the reader relate to other series; with philosophy a little empty right now making it a bad manga. If you are trying to make something like Vampire Knight, then it definite isn't my thing due to the fact you can predict the whole plot before it even begins and definitely not one character that is moe in my opinion.

[escimo]

Throwing my 2 cents in.

First of all. Quite nice premise.
Not so big fan of Emperor/Empress terms and starting up with a dream sequence where the background of the main character is force fed to reader isn't something that gets me jumping of joy either. I think it's better to leave it somewhat clouded at first and then just explain it as the story progresses.
What needs attention is the girl's background. It's indeed a bit odd for an apparently relatively influential vampire to have a human servant. Either it needs to be explained why it's not odd or then there needs to be something strange about the girl's background or in the girl herself.

I have a couple of ideas, PM me if you're interested. If you end up using them, there's no point filling this thread with spoilers.

[williamaugustus]

Originally Posted by LustfulEnvy

Looking forward to the manga. By the way, how does one achieve becoming pure blood?

actually.. well...

Spoiler:

first the human (has to be a human) is drained of all of their human blood. then the pure blood takes some of their own blood and bite the human but instead of sucking they kinda push their blood (which they have in their mouth) in to the human. thhe human blood reproduction cells are taken over by the pure blood blood and changa so that they produce pure blood blood. this allows the human to stay in control of them selves because they ar egoing from a stable human form to a stable pure blood form (if you tryed it with a half breed the cells would not change in a way that gave them any control, and that is why it has to be a human). at the same time the body begins to change and the human becomes a pure blood.
the other way is to just be born a pure blood. but that is obvious.

evey member of the pure blood race shares the exact same blood. no differences whatsoever.

[tenken627]

Not a bad background story so far, I like it. But, like others stated above me, there really is no actual plot or direction.

Don't worry about people seeing this as a ripoff of Vampire Knight, many vampire stories incorporate much of the information that both you and Vampire Knight have.

And don't worry about your introduction, because it is just the introduction. What is important is the actual story, pacing, conflict, and the character development after the introduction.

It all really depends on what you want your main character to do. Do you want Will to destroy the other vampires like a hunter? Do you want to make it a love story?

If you want to go the route of Will becoming the Emperor of the Vampires (maybe need a better title than that) by the end of the story, then you will want to show the journey he undertakes to get to that point. The themes might be discovering and accepting self-identity, loyalty, betrayal, ambition, and all that stuff.

There are plenty of directions that you could go to, but you need to decide on that first.

[williamaugustus]

ok. how about this? in the first chapter he finds out he is the empress' son and the whole story is about he goes through training to become emporer, how he is supposed to keep it a secret from others including Shawna, and how he figures out what he actually wnats to do as emporer- like bring humans and vampires on good terms or destroy all of the vampires who have lost control, or something else.
how does that sound?

[Izayoi]

That is even worse, it sounded much like some filller.

[williamaugustus]

Originally Posted by Setsilya~

That is even worse, it sounded much like some filller.

well do you mind PMing me some ideas on how to make it better? i wound really apriciate it.

[King Lycan]

Its a little to similar to vampire blood ..i would change the Pure Blood name to something more original ...

P.S. I do like it X3