To Aru ... Fanfiction Discussion Thread

[kaizerknight01]

an OC that i thought of for my Fanfic

Spoiler for One of the OC:

Akemi is a level 5.5 her appearance is of a 15-16 year old teenager , she a clone of Accelerator using his x chromosome and various genes form classified high level espers , she has more abilities than Accelerator like teleportation, telekinesis and etc.

Her personally is polite,soft spoken and timid. She likes small fluffy things and books, after she was rescued. Touma not knowing what to call her and joking said " Maybe I should call you Akemi ..." Then she relied " Akemi ..... That sounds a like nice name ..... can i keep it ?"

Akemi dye's her hair black, and take a surname of Kamijou, causing misunderstanding among Touma's friends namely the female ones

[Marcus H.]

"Whoawhoawhoa."

The word "level" and the number "5.5" appears to be an unexpected combination.

"All I know is that levels go from 1 to 5... and we have to consider that there are only seven Level 5s."

Marcus is confident with the facts that he laid out; he has just read it straight from the eighth volume of the Light Novels.

He continues to type his reaction as the dissonant voice of two radio broadcasters fill his ears.

"Also, Akemi is the name of one Ruiko Saten's friends. I would suggest adding a surname for the character so that no confusion may ensue."

[SuzushinaYuriko]

The one thing I'm wary of when seeing OC's in fanfiction is the possibility of authors making them into overpowered Mary Sue's, which happens way too often. Making Akemi instantly into a Level 5.5 (which should be around the level Accel himself is around considering that he gets stronger throughout the series) is pretty much overdoing it in my eyes.

It was shown from the Radio Noise experiment that clones have inferior abilities compared to the original and that it is not possible to create a Level 5 from an artificial being. It was shown in Railgun that having more than one ability (Dual Skill) is not possible. From the May Project of Darkness experiment it was shown that it is not possible to clone Accelerator or his powers. Cloning humans is a very difficult thing to do, and it's not like any random person on the street is able to be cloned. Just being able to pull it off with Mikoto was a miracle, so you can't throw a bunch of chromosomes together from high ranking ESPers and expect the abilities to transfer.

Balance is an important thing to consider when writing a story. Weaknesses, not only strengths, define a character.

I feel bad for saying all of this, but my literary critic side has exploded from seeing so much wasted potential in fanfiction. I apologise if my rant has hurt your feelings in any way.

[outerelf]

http://www.springhole.net/quizzes/marysue.htm

Might I suggest using this test on your character? It'll help straighten out any glaring Mary Sue abilities.

[blitz1/2]

Originally Posted by kaizerknight01

an OC that i thought of for my Fanfic

Spoiler for One of the OC:

Akemi is a level 5.5 her appearance is of a 15-16 year old teenager , she a clone of Accelerator using his x chromosome and various genes form classified high level espers , she has more abilities than Accelerator like teleportation, telekinesis and etc.

Her personally is polite,soft spoken and timid. She likes small fluffy things and books, after she was rescued. Touma not knowing what to call her and joking said " Maybe I should call you Akemi ..." Then she relied " Akemi ..... That sounds a like nice name ..... can i keep it ?"

Akemi dye's her hair black, and take a surname of Kamijou, causing misunderstanding among Touma's friends namely the female ones

Mary Sue alarm bells are RINGING in my head right now.
Considering as how OP Accelerator already is? Going beyond that is a bit...

And telekinesis is not an esper ability that I am aware of, to me it seems more like magic.

[kaizerknight01]

thanks for the feed back guys i appreciate it .... the OC is still on beta stages .... guess i t better scrap it and start over ....... guess it to mary sueish .... i deeply apologies

I was hoping to write adventure/comedy i tend not to write depressing ones

again i apologies if my grammars sucks , i tend to skip the words that i was typing

[Master Assassin]

Talking about OCs, I remember my bad old days, repented, and that now if I were to be told of the term, I'd immediately think of a background or a behind-the-scenes character who, while keeps the plot moving, doesn't get too featured and is only a key to help our heroes (yeah Touma, Mikoto etc, I'm talking about you guys!) solve something.

Kinda like an informant who lurks in AC, goes under the guise of someone doing a mundane job such as a grocery keeper, or the owner of the yakiniku stand (was it?) Komoe-sensei, Yoshikawa and Tessou went to in one of the Railgun episodes.

[blitz1/2]

Originally Posted by Soul Assassin

Talking about OCs, I remember my bad old days, repented, and that now if I were to be told of the term, I'd immediately think of a background or a behind-the-scenes character who, while keeps the plot moving, doesn't get too featured and is only a key to help our heroes (yeah Touma, Mikoto etc, I'm talking about you guys!) solve something.

Kinda like an informant who lurks in AC, goes under the guise of someone doing a mundane job such as a grocery keeper, or the owner of the yakiniku stand (was it?) Komoe-sensei, Yoshikawa and Tessou went to in one of the Railgun episodes.

Well, my index oc is a Roman Catholic magician that specialises in the art of Telekinesis and creating barriers. But his skills are considered only average. He was eventually drawn up in conflicts from infiltrating Academy City to the war in England.

[Ashaman]

Okay, so it happens. The three shot became a Four-Shot. So sue me. I'll prob be making a couple of changes to this, trying to stop ignoring reactions before I post it on FF.net, but this is what I just wrote.

Spoiler for Delta Force 3:

The sky was overcast, covering the large field in light shadows. Approximately 30 feet from one another, two groups of three stood.

After much squabbling, that was the distance they settled on for starting distance in this duel.

The two groups faced off, waiting for the moment the match would start.

To one side was the prestigious Tokiwadai middle school, and surrounding the field were on lookers.

Most wore the uniform of Tokiwadai, though there was a smattering of others who didn’t quite belong, most noticeably the Delta Force’s classmates.

Index, the blue haired nun Touma looked after was among them, standing next o Himegami with a pout. As far as she was concerned, it was lunch time and no one was feeding her. Why did Touma have to fight this pointless battle?

The rest of the class was just playing around, chatting about the unusual match, but seemingly not worried at all.

Near the middle of the field, one Shirai Kuroko stood with her two friends, Uiharu and Saten. She wasn’t really looking forward to this at all.

Saten on the other hand was holding a large sign up in the air that read ‘Go Delta Force Go!’ ready to cheer the boys on when the match began.

“You know, I thought the black haired one would be taller,” Saten commented. Touma, said black haired one, while by no means small, was the shortest member of the Delta Force.

“Yes, the barbarian is a little on the short side, isn’t he,” Kuroko maliciously agreed.

“Huh? Why does it sound like you don’t like him?” Saten asked.

“That barbarian is the one that Onee-sama has been spending a disproportionate amount of time with,” Kuroko growled.

“Umm, by disproportionate, do you mean any time at all?” Uiharu shyly questioned.

“Exactly!”

Saten was about to reply, but the sound of a familiar voice cut her off.

“You! What are you doing here!?” Misaka shouted.

For a second, Saten and Uiharu quailed, wondering why Misaka was angry at them. It took a moment for them to realise that Misaka Mikoto, the Third ranked Level 5 nicknamed the Railgun wasn’t even looking at them.

Instead she was staring straight at Touma, pointing at him as sparks flew across her body.

The group to the left of them, the Delta Force’s classmates, began to mutter among themselves, and Saten had to strain to hear them.

“Could she be another one of Kamijou’s?”

“Probably.”

“You know what he’s like. He can’t help himself.

“I recognise her. She’s the one that hit on him during Daisaihai,” Fukiyose mentioned.

“What’s short-hair doing here?” Index asked.

“His life really is a Galge,” Himegami spoke with a hint of bitterness.

“Oh, hey Misaka!” Touma greeted when he noticed who it was.

Misaka rushed across the field so she was face to face with him.

This didn’t change anything though, as Misaka continued to practically yell and Touma’s voice seemed to carry over thanks to some of the Espers in his class.

“Why are you here and having a match?” Misaka demanded.

“Well,” Touma explained the situation and the events of yesterday. “So because of these two, we have a bet. If we win, they have to do what we say for a week.”

Misaka spluttered. “What type of things are you going to have them do?!” she asked with a slightly red face.

Touma exchanged glances with Aogami and Tsuchimikado, who both just shook their heads.

“We haven’t really decided,” Touma shrugged.

“Well, what happens if you lose?”

“Kami-yan won’t be allowed to see you anymore,” Aogami smiled at her.

“Wha, what!?” she shrieked. “What does he mean you and I won’t get to meet anymore?” Misaka began to poke her finger into Touma’s chest as she demanded, causing him to step back nervously. Of course, Misaka took a step forward for every one of his steps back.

“It wasn’t my idea,” he protested. “Those girls came up with it on their own.”

“And you agreed?! What if you lose? Would you really stick with the bet? Would you really be okay if you didn-” Misaka suddenly cut herself off, blushing deeply.

“Huh? What? Why are you so worried?” he asked her when he noticed she’d stopped.

“Argh!” she yelled. “You just better not lose!”

“Of course we’re going to win,” Touma just brushed her off like that was obvious.

“You, you really think you can win?” Misaka asked.

“It’s three on three, and these two are serious. We’re not going to lose to some petty rich girls.”

“I thought it was your philosophy to run and hide?” Misaka accused.

“Onlywhen I can. And this time, I won’t, cause my friends need me,” he told her, causing her to blush faintly.

“Stop trying to act so cool,” Misaka grumbled.

“If you’ve finished flirting, its almost time to start-nya,” Tsuchimikado teased.

“Yeah Kami-yan, get your girlfriend off the field,” Aogami agreed, his usual smile strained in the face of this love-love situation.

“Gak! Gi-Girlfriend!” Misaka recoiled in shock, her face burning up.

“Ha,” Touma laughed. “Why would I go out with a kid like her?” he questioned.

“What’s wrong with me?!” Misaka struck back, firing a bolt of lightning at Touma.

However, with a flick of his right hand, the electricity was dispelled.

There was a collective gasp from the three girls who were their opponents, as well as the audience at large.

“H-H-How did he do that?!” Uiharu demanded.

“I don’t really know,” Kuroko replied darkly. “A power able to so easily overcome Onee-sama’s… I thought only the number 1 and 2 could do such a thing.”

Speaking of…

“Why are we here?” an albino boy named Accelerator glared at his young charge. He’d agreed to go somewhere with the girl, Last Order, but hadn’t expected to end up at the gates to Tokiwadai with a bunch of freaks in brown cloaks with their hoods up so he couldn’t tell who they were. Even Last Order was wearing one of those cloaks.

Not like it mattered. It could have been worse. She could have asked him to go to a theme park with her.

It would be fine as long as he didn’t meet the original, but…

“Why the hell am I wearing this?” Accelerator asked Last Order.

She’d demanded he wear this get up, and had even gone so far as to disable his Network connection, so she could all but force this ridiculousness on him.

It was a tight body fitting sports top with long sleeves, while his trousers were made of a similar material except much looser.

It was coloured black and red, and, in Accelerators opinion, looked absolutely atrocious. All in all, it looked like a male cheerleaders uniform. Just being seen in this outfit made him want to kill all those who laid eyes on him.


Back on the field, just as Misaka sent another volley of electricity to Touma, trying to fry him for the child comment, the girls that were across from them, as well as those that were watching finally managed to find their voice.

“How dare you call Onee-sama childish!”

“Misaka-sama deserves better than you!”

“Go Motaki-san! Crush him for his rudeness.”

It seems the girls had the home field advantage.

That sound press of sound against them stopped Misaka from releasing more electricity as she came to her senses.

She blushed as she realised that all focus had been on her, and quickly scurried away, toward where she had spotted Saten, Kuroko and Uiharu.

“Wow,” Uiharu breathed. “I’ve never seen Misaka-san act like that before,” she whispered.

“Yeah,” Saten agreed.

“Oh, oh, Onee-sama, why must you continue to so happily spend time with that man when Kuroko is here for you?!” the teleporter asked in despair, biting into a handkerchief to prevent her from doing something she would regret.

Still blushing, Misaka barely greeted her friends, instead grumbling under her breath about how she is most certainly not childish, and how dare he say she was. And why did she care so much what he thought anyway?

Tsuchimikado locked eyes with his two friends as the surrounding girls cheered their enemies on.

“This isn’t going to affect you, is it?” he asked. Unlike his usual playful self, right now his voice had the edge of a professional.

“No,” Aogami replied, equally serious.

Touma just shook his head, showing it wouldn’t bother him.

“Still wish we had more of a cheering squad though,” Aogami told them with a smile. “Maybe with a cute loli leading them.”

“Like such a thing could happen,” Touma scoffed.

“Well, if it was for Kami-yan,” Tsuchimikado laughed. “Still, you’d expect our classmates to cheer for us,” he turned to where they stood in a group, just waiting.

No, wait, Fukiyose had stepped up and in front of the group. Then, she began to yell.

“Del-Ta-Force!” Clap Clap. “Del-Ta-Force!” Clap Clap. Slowly, their class caught on to what Fukiyose had begun, and began to cheer.

At first, they were drowned out by the larger amount of female Tokiwadai students, but then they grew louder and louder, until they were competing on equal terms with over twice their number.

Aogami grinned. “Now all we need are cheerleaders.”

“Coming through Misaka calls as Misaka leads her companions through the crowd!” a little girl with brown hair burst out and onto the side lines, a troupe of eight people in cloaks following behind, with a white haired boy trailing behind them with a scowl.

Touma and Accelerator’s eyes met, and the albino’s mouth dropped open. “What is he doing here!?” the voice of the strongest Esper rang out, pointing an accusing finger at Touma.

“We’re here to cheer for him silly, Misaka informs while Misaka deploys the too late now strategy.”

“Like hell it is! And like Hell I’m cheering that guy on!” Accelerator spat, before a look of horror overtook his face. “This is a cheerleader uniform, isn’t it!” he roared.

“Yes, it is, and yes you will cheer Misaka insists as Misaka refuses Network privileges if you don’t as Misaka displays an evil smile.”

“£%^&%^*%&!!!!” Accelerator dropped to the ground a second later, his limbs moving erratically.

After a moment, this state of helplessness vanished. “You little brat!” he roared again, trying to lunge at Last Order. She made no move to stop him because they both knew he’d never hurt her so this was an empty threat.

“Argh!” Accelerator’s yell rent the air.

“Last chance; cheer, or be unable to connect until the match is over Misaka displays her ultimatum as Misaka refuses to back down.

“You little bitch!” Accelerator hissed, before suddenly he slumped down in defeat. “Fine, I’ll cheer the fucking hero on, but in return you must promise never to blackmail me like this again.”

“That is fine Misaka grins as Misaka accepts these terms. Now, cast off your disguises and let’s cheer for our saviour Misaka commands as Misaka enjoys her power trip!”

As one, the cloaks were thrown off to reveal eight middle school girls. All of them were identical, down to their hair length and choice of attire. Said clothing was a black and red striped uniform with black skirts and a five digit number on the back.

They lined up in two rows of four, pomp ms in hand as they moved as one.

“Go Kami-jou! Go Touma!” they cheered their saviour.

Every one watched on in amazement at this display. Everyone except Kuroko, who’d fainted from Onee-sama overdose.”

“Gak!” Touma cried.

Misaka Mikoto rushed up to them in order to find out what was going on. Amazingly, she didn’t even give Accelerator a second glance.

“What are you doing here?!”

“We came to cheer our saviour on, Misaka 10032 informs the Original.”

“I’m glad you’re here Misaka cries as Misaka grabs Onee-sama’s hand! I brought a spare uniform so you could take point Misaka informs as Misaka begins to drag you to a private area!”

“What? No, I-” Whatever else Misaka was going to say was cut off as the other eight Misaka’s began to carry her away.

Whatever private area they managed to find must not have been very far away, as the Misaka Mikoto’s screams could be clearly heard in the silence that followed these strange events.

“Don’t take that off!”

“Hey, that’s mine!”

“Perverts! Don’t stare like that!”

“No, I don’t want to put that on!”

“NOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

When the Level 5 returned, she was blushing wildly, and looked to be holding back tears. She was desperately adjusting the clothes on her body,trying to cover herself as much as possible. However, it was a fact that she was wearing the same outfit as the Sisters, with the words ‘Original’ written boldly on the back.

“With such close proximity, connection with the Misaka Network may be possible Misaka 15… speculates.”

“This will allow Onee-sama to move with us as one Misaka 10039 explains.”

“Heh,” all the Misaka’s apart from Last Order and Mikoto let out a laugh, a lopsided smile on their faces. “It will be perfect.”

Aogami turned to Touma. “You bastard. You magnificent bastard!” the blue haired boy yelled.

“For thins, we’ll have to kill you. You understand, don’t you?” Tsuchimikado looked on with a dark expression.

“Huh! I guess Touma’s still Touma, no matter what!” Index’s voice came out loud and clear, anger plain in her tone.

Kamijou could just tell he was in for a bite on the head.

I just thought of something. Would Tsuchimikado Maika have a power? ESP Maid...

[Master Assassin]

Originally Posted by Ashaman

Okay, so it happens. The three shot became a Four-Shot. So sue me. I'll prob be making a couple of changes to this, trying to stop ignoring reactions before I post it on FF.net, but this is what I just wrote.

Spoiler for Delta Force 3:

The sky was overcast, covering the large field in light shadows. Approximately 30 feet from one another, two groups of three stood.

After much squabbling, that was the distance they settled on for starting distance in this duel.

The two groups faced off, waiting for the moment the match would start.

To one side was the prestigious Tokiwadai middle school, and surrounding the field were on lookers.

Most wore the uniform of Tokiwadai, though there was a smattering of others who didn’t quite belong, most noticeably the Delta Force’s classmates.

Index, the blue haired nun Touma looked after was among them, standing next o Himegami with a pout. As far as she was concerned, it was lunch time and no one was feeding her. Why did Touma have to fight this pointless battle?

The rest of the class was just playing around, chatting about the unusual match, but seemingly not worried at all.

Near the middle of the field, one Shirai Kuroko stood with her two friends, Uiharu and Saten. She wasn’t really looking forward to this at all.

Saten on the other hand was holding a large sign up in the air that read ‘Go Delta Force Go!’ ready to cheer the boys on when the match began.

“You know, I thought the black haired one would be taller,” Saten commented. Touma, said black haired one, while by no means small, was the shortest member of the Delta Force.

“Yes, the barbarian is a little on the short side, isn’t he,” Kuroko maliciously agreed.

“Huh? Why does it sound like you don’t like him?” Saten asked.

“That barbarian is the one that Onee-sama has been spending a disproportionate amount of time with,” Kuroko growled.

“Umm, by disproportionate, do you mean any time at all?” Uiharu shyly questioned.

“Exactly!”

Saten was about to reply, but the sound of a familiar voice cut her off.

“You! What are you doing here!?” Misaka shouted.

For a second, Saten and Uiharu quailed, wondering why Misaka was angry at them. It took a moment for them to realise that Misaka Mikoto, the Third ranked Level 5 nicknamed the Railgun wasn’t even looking at them.

Instead she was staring straight at Touma, pointing at him as sparks flew across her body.

The group to the left of them, the Delta Force’s classmates, began to mutter among themselves, and Saten had to strain to hear them.

“Could she be another one of Kamijou’s?”

“Probably.”

“You know what he’s like. He can’t help himself.

“I recognise her. She’s the one that hit on him during Daisaihai,” Fukiyose mentioned.

“What’s short-hair doing here?” Index asked.

“His life really is a Galge,” Himegami spoke with a hint of bitterness.

“Oh, hey Misaka!” Touma greeted when he noticed who it was.

Misaka rushed across the field so she was face to face with him.

This didn’t change anything though, as Misaka continued to practically yell and Touma’s voice seemed to carry over thanks to some of the Espers in his class.

“Why are you here and having a match?” Misaka demanded.

“Well,” Touma explained the situation and the events of yesterday. “So because of these two, we have a bet. If we win, they have to do what we say for a week.”

Misaka spluttered. “What type of things are you going to have them do?!” she asked with a slightly red face.

Touma exchanged glances with Aogami and Tsuchimikado, who both just shook their heads.

“We haven’t really decided,” Touma shrugged.

“Well, what happens if you lose?”

“Kami-yan won’t be allowed to see you anymore,” Aogami smiled at her.

“Wha, what!?” she shrieked. “What does he mean you and I won’t get to meet anymore?” Misaka began to poke her finger into Touma’s chest as she demanded, causing him to step back nervously. Of course, Misaka took a step forward for every one of his steps back.

“It wasn’t my idea,” he protested. “Those girls came up with it on their own.”

“And you agreed?! What if you lose? Would you really stick with the bet? Would you really be okay if you didn-” Misaka suddenly cut herself off, blushing deeply.

“Huh? What? Why are you so worried?” he asked her when he noticed she’d stopped.

“Argh!” she yelled. “You just better not lose!”

“Of course we’re going to win,” Touma just brushed her off like that was obvious.

“You, you really think you can win?” Misaka asked.

“It’s three on three, and these two are serious. We’re not going to lose to some petty rich girls.”

“I thought it was your philosophy to run and hide?” Misaka accused.

“Onlywhen I can. And this time, I won’t, cause my friends need me,” he told her, causing her to blush faintly.

“Stop trying to act so cool,” Misaka grumbled.

“If you’ve finished flirting, its almost time to start-nya,” Tsuchimikado teased.

“Yeah Kami-yan, get your girlfriend off the field,” Aogami agreed, his usual smile strained in the face of this love-love situation.

“Gak! Gi-Girlfriend!” Misaka recoiled in shock, her face burning up.

“Ha,” Touma laughed. “Why would I go out with a kid like her?” he questioned.

“What’s wrong with me?!” Misaka struck back, firing a bolt of lightning at Touma.

However, with a flick of his right hand, the electricity was dispelled.

There was a collective gasp from the three girls who were their opponents, as well as the audience at large.

“H-H-How did he do that?!” Uiharu demanded.

“I don’t really know,” Kuroko replied darkly. “A power able to so easily overcome Onee-sama’s… I thought only the number 1 and 2 could do such a thing.”

Speaking of…

“Why are we here?” an albino boy named Accelerator glared at his young charge. He’d agreed to go somewhere with the girl, Last Order, but hadn’t expected to end up at the gates to Tokiwadai with a bunch of freaks in brown cloaks with their hoods up so he couldn’t tell who they were. Even Last Order was wearing one of those cloaks.

Not like it mattered. It could have been worse. She could have asked him to go to a theme park with her.

It would be fine as long as he didn’t meet the original, but…

“Why the hell am I wearing this?” Accelerator asked Last Order.

She’d demanded he wear this get up, and had even gone so far as to disable his Network connection, so she could all but force this ridiculousness on him.

It was a tight body fitting sports top with long sleeves, while his trousers were made of a similar material except much looser.

It was coloured black and red, and, in Accelerators opinion, looked absolutely atrocious. All in all, it looked like a male cheerleaders uniform. Just being seen in this outfit made him want to kill all those who laid eyes on him.


Back on the field, just as Misaka sent another volley of electricity to Touma, trying to fry him for the child comment, the girls that were across from them, as well as those that were watching finally managed to find their voice.

“How dare you call Onee-sama childish!”

“Misaka-sama deserves better than you!”

“Go Motaki-san! Crush him for his rudeness.”

It seems the girls had the home field advantage.

That sound press of sound against them stopped Misaka from releasing more electricity as she came to her senses.

She blushed as she realised that all focus had been on her, and quickly scurried away, toward where she had spotted Saten, Kuroko and Uiharu.

“Wow,” Uiharu breathed. “I’ve never seen Misaka-san act like that before,” she whispered.

“Yeah,” Saten agreed.

“Oh, oh, Onee-sama, why must you continue to so happily spend time with that man when Kuroko is here for you?!” the teleporter asked in despair, biting into a handkerchief to prevent her from doing something she would regret.

Still blushing, Misaka barely greeted her friends, instead grumbling under her breath about how she is most certainly not childish, and how dare he say she was. And why did she care so much what he thought anyway?

Tsuchimikado locked eyes with his two friends as the surrounding girls cheered their enemies on.

“This isn’t going to affect you, is it?” he asked. Unlike his usual playful self, right now his voice had the edge of a professional.

“No,” Aogami replied, equally serious.

Touma just shook his head, showing it wouldn’t bother him.

“Still wish we had more of a cheering squad though,” Aogami told them with a smile. “Maybe with a cute loli leading them.”

“Like such a thing could happen,” Touma scoffed.

“Well, if it was for Kami-yan,” Tsuchimikado laughed. “Still, you’d expect our classmates to cheer for us,” he turned to where they stood in a group, just waiting.

No, wait, Fukiyose had stepped up and in front of the group. Then, she began to yell.

“Del-Ta-Force!” Clap Clap. “Del-Ta-Force!” Clap Clap. Slowly, their class caught on to what Fukiyose had begun, and began to cheer.

At first, they were drowned out by the larger amount of female Tokiwadai students, but then they grew louder and louder, until they were competing on equal terms with over twice their number.

Aogami grinned. “Now all we need are cheerleaders.”

“Coming through Misaka calls as Misaka leads her companions through the crowd!” a little girl with brown hair burst out and onto the side lines, a troupe of eight people in cloaks following behind, with a white haired boy trailing behind them with a scowl.

Touma and Accelerator’s eyes met, and the albino’s mouth dropped open. “What is he doing here!?” the voice of the strongest Esper rang out, pointing an accusing finger at Touma.

“We’re here to cheer for him silly, Misaka informs while Misaka deploys the too late now strategy.”

“Like hell it is! And like Hell I’m cheering that guy on!” Accelerator spat, before a look of horror overtook his face. “This is a cheerleader uniform, isn’t it!” he roared.

“Yes, it is, and yes you will cheer Misaka insists as Misaka refuses Network privileges if you don’t as Misaka displays an evil smile.”

“£%^&%^*%&!!!!” Accelerator dropped to the ground a second later, his limbs moving erratically.

After a moment, this state of helplessness vanished. “You little brat!” he roared again, trying to lunge at Last Order. She made no move to stop him because they both knew he’d never hurt her so this was an empty threat.

“Argh!” Accelerator’s yell rent the air.

“Last chance; cheer, or be unable to connect until the match is over Misaka displays her ultimatum as Misaka refuses to back down.

“You little bitch!” Accelerator hissed, before suddenly he slumped down in defeat. “Fine, I’ll cheer the fucking hero on, but in return you must promise never to blackmail me like this again.”

“That is fine Misaka grins as Misaka accepts these terms. Now, cast off your disguises and let’s cheer for our saviour Misaka commands as Misaka enjoys her power trip!”

As one, the cloaks were thrown off to reveal eight middle school girls. All of them were identical, down to their hair length and choice of attire. Said clothing was a black and red striped uniform with black skirts and a five digit number on the back.

They lined up in two rows of four, pomp ms in hand as they moved as one.

“Go Kami-jou! Go Touma!” they cheered their saviour.

Every one watched on in amazement at this display. Everyone except Kuroko, who’d fainted from Onee-sama overdose.”

“Gak!” Touma cried.

Misaka Mikoto rushed up to them in order to find out what was going on. Amazingly, she didn’t even give Accelerator a second glance.

“What are you doing here?!”

“We came to cheer our saviour on, Misaka 10032 informs the Original.”

“I’m glad you’re here Misaka cries as Misaka grabs Onee-sama’s hand! I brought a spare uniform so you could take point Misaka informs as Misaka begins to drag you to a private area!”

“What? No, I-” Whatever else Misaka was going to say was cut off as the other eight Misaka’s began to carry her away.

Whatever private area they managed to find must not have been very far away, as the Misaka Mikoto’s screams could be clearly heard in the silence that followed these strange events.

“Don’t take that off!”

“Hey, that’s mine!”

“Perverts! Don’t stare like that!”

“No, I don’t want to put that on!”

“NOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

When the Level 5 returned, she was blushing wildly, and looked to be holding back tears. She was desperately adjusting the clothes on her body,trying to cover herself as much as possible. However, it was a fact that she was wearing the same outfit as the Sisters, with the words ‘Original’ written boldly on the back.

“With such close proximity, connection with the Misaka Network may be possible Misaka 15… speculates.”

“This will allow Onee-sama to move with us as one Misaka 10039 explains.”

“Heh,” all the Misaka’s apart from Last Order and Mikoto let out a laugh, a lopsided smile on their faces. “It will be perfect.”

Aogami turned to Touma. “You bastard. You magnificent bastard!” the blue haired boy yelled.

“For thins, we’ll have to kill you. You understand, don’t you?” Tsuchimikado looked on with a dark expression.

“Huh! I guess Touma’s still Touma, no matter what!” Index’s voice came out loud and clear, anger plain in her tone.

Kamijou could just tell he was in for a bite on the head.

I just thought of something. Would Tsuchimikado Maika have a power? ESP Maid...

That rocks. Go on, the build-up I'm feeling right now is very tense. While very tense, it feels very cool. Cool as in Cool Shades-y kind of cool.

[outerelf]

Please excuse me while I die of laughter in the background.

[MrTerrorist]

Oh my god that was so funny! Last Order and the Misaka sisters are such evil masterminds! LOL

[Endscape]

This is hilarious! Good work, Ashaman!

[tsunade666]

ah ah ah I can't wait for the next chapter. Though accelerator is really stand defeated in front of last order. She always had the last laugh

I can't wait for the battle.

[blitz1/2]

Now, touma has a morale boost, those girls simply don't stand a chance.

[tsunade666]

let aogami rape I mean beat them up

[Ashaman]

Next chapter is the epilouge, so to speak. Is there a class known as 5 shot. Or is this offiaclly a short story?

Spoiler for Delta Force 4:

The distance was thirty feet.

The referee was unconscious, having suffered a Misaka overload, leaving a woman in a blue suit with shining glasses to mediate the clash.

She did not shout. She barely even raised her voice. But still, her command carried over the large field to the spectators.

“Each of you will state your name, Level, and ability name. Then you will begin the three on three team battle. The time limit is ten minutes. You first!” this woman, the Dorm Manager explained efficiently before pointing directly at the three girls on the field.

These girls, who were so confident yesterday, can’t help but feel shaken. To witness their idol, Misaka Mikoto’s, electricity being completely defended against caused their hearts to tremble. The boy didn’t even seem to be trying.

However, they were all Ojou-sama’s, and so hid the shock from the boys.

“I am Motaki Ruri, Level 4, ability name Combustion.”

“My name is Orokirin Kasumi. Level 4, ability name Water Dragon,” the girl on the left gave a small yet polite bow. She was very short, looking almost child like. Her hair was braided down her back, and her brown eyes were set in a state of perpetual boredom.

“I’m Taki Ao,” a black haired girl almost growled. She was the tallest girl there, and yet with her proportions it seemed natural. Her hair was very short, and her dark eyes continued to glare. “Level 4, Shatter Stone.”

The Dorm Manager nodded, then turned to the boys. “Same.” She demanded.

“Hey, hey, we’re Level 0’s, I don’t see why-” Touma began, but cut himself off after the Dorm Manager fixed him with a glare. “Don’t lie to me. I know you have abilities. Now introduce yourselves,” her glasses glinted.

“Hai!” all three boys snapped to attention.

“Aogami Pierce, Level 0, Stats Boost.”

“Tsuchimikado Motoharu, Level 0, Auto Regeneration.”

“Kamijou Touma, Level 0, Imagine Breaker.”

“HA! So that’s what you’re power is called!” Misaka Mikoto pointed at him in triumph, causing Touma to turn to face her. Unfortunately for her, she had pom poms in her hands, so it looked more like she was cheering for him than anything. As soon as she realised this, she blushed like a tomato and went back to trying to sink into the ground.

“Excellent,” the Dorm Manager nodded. “Begin.”

The girls didn’t waste a second, going on the offensive immediately.

Before the boys could take even one step forward, the ground beneath began to shake, knocking them off balance.

In this moment, there was an explosion between all three of them, sending Aogami, who had point, flying forward, while Tsuchimikado and Touma were flung back a little.

As soon as Touma’s hand touched the ground as he fell back, the shaking stopped.

Ao’s face displayed confusion. Her ability had been stopped.

Before the boys had time to recover though, three tendrils of water sped through the air, trying to knock them backdown.

However, in a surprising display of speed, Aogami dodged to the right, and then ducked under it as it tried to swipe at him.

Touma simply stuck his right hand out, destroying the tendril completely.

The only one that had been hit the water stream was Tsuchimikado, but even that was just a glancing blow, and Touma was quick to destroy it before it could do anymore damage.

The final intact tendril of water retreated back to its owner, just as Touma spotted something in front of his face.

An orange light.

They discussed this yesterday. As the only girl they knew that was going to compete, Tsuchimikado had quickly found out her ability and researched its weaknesses.

Combustion causes the air to explode into flames at the specific area the ability holder, in this case Motaki, concentrated on. She didn’t have to see where she was aiming, though it helped increase the speed of Combustion if she could. It had a range of fifty feet, and it took 5 seconds for her to cause an explosion.

The weakness Tsuchimikado discovered was that, for a full three seconds before the actual explosion, there was an orange light hanging in the air.

On a sunny day, it was hard to miss, but at night or on an overcast day like today it stood out.

Touma didn’t even think about it as he swiped the light away with his right hand, the familiar noise like glass breaking accompanying it.

Again, Touma spotted the confusion as the ability failed to work, this time on both Motaki and Kasumi as well.

As one, the three boys began toward the girls. Again, the ground began to shake, but this time Touma was ready, and ducked under to press both hands on the ground, stopping the shaking.

With both arms on the ground, he used them to boost his running sped by getting a crouching start.

It was needed to catch up with Aogami and Tsuchimikado, both of whom could out pace Touma any day.

The distance had been reduced to a mere 15 feet when streams of water once again flew out. This time the boys were ready though, and while Aogami and Tsuchimikado skilfully dodged all seven that were aimed at them, three for Tsuchimikado and four for Aogami, Touma ducked around the five after him, destroying three of them with a single swipe and jumping over the last two.

The distance was 10 feet.

Again the orange light show appeared, this time in front of Aogami.

He must have noticed it, because he ducked under it and continued to rush, trusting Touma to have his back.

He did. With another swipe, the orange light was gone, and noting went boom.

Seven feet left.

The earth rose in front of the boys, looking like a wave of soil.

Aogami and Tsuchimikado stopped in their tracks for all of half a second, before starting to run again.

That was all it took for Touma to pull ahead of them and punch the wave of earth, causing it to collapse into a heap, which all three boys jumped over.

On the other side, they could see a wall of water surrounding their enemies like a bubble, three oranges lights glowing. That was Motaki’s limit, a limit which increased her charge up time.

Not that that mattered. Touma continued on, while Aogami and Tsuchimikado ducked behind him like they were using him as a shield for the explosion.

They were.

When the lights turned to fire, and the air grew hot, Touma extended forth his right hand, and the fire may as well of been nothing.

The concussive power of the fire was the only thing that effected Aogami and Tsuchimikado, both of whom caught Touma as he was blasted back.

A quick check revealed no real injuries, only a little bruising.

Before the boys was nothing but steam, most likely caused by the water bubble that was protecting the girls from the blast.

The taller two boys dragged Touma to his feet, but prevented him from making a noise.

He glance towards each of them, who nodded their heads. As silently as possible, they continued on.

When they emerge in front of a smug looking Motaki, who had thought she’d won with that last blast, there was nothing that she could do except stumble back in fear.

It was Ao that saved her, creating another wall of earth that quickly scattered and flew towards the trio while she dragged Motaki back toward safety.

They tried to best to dodge, but in the end only Aogami came out of that one relatively unscathed.

The distance was a mere three feet.

“DEL-TA-FORCE! DEL-TA-FORCE!” their class cheered exuberantly.

Beside them, the Misaka cheerleaders danced to the movements. Even Mikoto was doing it, and looked be laughing about it too.

The Imouto’s were lined up into three rows. The back two rows were the normal sisters, while the front row consisted of Misaka Mikoto and Last Order, who was cheering her little heart out. Last Order was in the middle, while Mikoto was to her left.

To Last Orders right was Accelerator, who, due to Last Oder having no idea what male cheerleader usually did, was forced to go along with the synchronised female routine.

His thoughts perfectly mirrored the expression on his face, i.e. murderous.

‘Kill that guy, that guy and that girl. Oh, did he just glance at me? He’s on the list. Oh, I’m going to make that one painful. Is that fucking hero looking at me?! Oh, he’s going on my list too. Wait, he’s already on the list five times over. Fucking hero!’ he raged.

As though he could sense the murderous intent, Touma shivered and looked back at the three girls.

“So, do you give up?” Touma asked. None of the girls had been hurt yet, but they must’ve known how close they came to losing and that none of them were really injured yet.

For a single moment, Motaki seriously looked like she would fold. But then she seemingly noticed something and smirked.

“Isn’t it you who should give up,” she suggested.

All three boys followed her gaze, and found a girl in a maid uniform surrounded by Tokiwadai girls, the same one’s they’d run into yesterday.

“Huh. Motoharu-nii-chan?” she questioned. “What are you doing here?”

Three glares turned to Motaki. “Are you seriously using my sister as a hostage?” Tsuchimikado growled.

“Well, I wasn’t intending to, but…”

“Aogami,” Tsuchimikado spoke softly, belying his anger. “Get my sister over to our class.”

“Got it,” Aogami nodded once.

“Huh, you really think we’ll let you?” Ao asked.

“Its not a matter of you letting him; after all, its not like you can stop him,” Tsuchimikado told them.

“Ha, we’ll see about that,” Motaki yelled, creating an orange light in Aogami’s path.

He ignored it, and sped away, faster than Motaki could follow. Faster than all but the most battle experienced could follow.

“Didn’t you ever wonder what Aogami meant by ‘Stats Boost’?”

“Wha?” Motaki mumbled. She’d dismissed it as nonsense.

“Whenever his bosy is flooded with adrenaline and other natural hormones like that, his stats rise. Its like a computer game where you have Speed, Strength, Agility and all those things.”

“Adrenaline does that anyway,” Motaki spat back.

“Yeah, but with Aogami you get an effect hundreds of times greater than in a normal person.”

They turned to the group of girls who were surrounding Miaka just as Aogami was closing in on them.

They fired flames and tossed rocks at him with their powers, but Aogami danced around them with a strangely grim look on her face.

As soon as she understood that they were attacking, Maika shouted “Don’t hurt Aogami-nii-chan!” before smacking the closest girl in the back, preventing her from firing.

Then, Aogami was among them. With a single swing, he knocked four girls down, before grabbing Maika and running with her to the Delta Force’s classmates.

“He’ll pay for touching my sister so familiarly,” Tsuchimikado chuckled, before turning his attention back to the girls.

“And so will you,” he told them, before punching Touma in the stomach.

Touma and the girls’ eyes widened, but before Touma could do anything, Tsuchimikado had already flung him away.

Winded but otherwise fine, Touma scrambled to his feet.

Tsuchimikado pulled out three papers from his jacket, and gave a bitter smile. “Fallere825!” he declared.

The significance of these words went over most peoples heads, but for Touma, who knew of magicians and their Magic name, the name they declare when they’ll attack like they’re trying to kill, this was really shocking.

“You idiot! You can’t be serious!?” Touma yelled.

“No one threatens my sister.” The blond stated simply.

“You’ll seriously hurt yourself!”

“Ha, don’t worry Kami-yan, I’ll make sure the damage to my body isn’t too bad.”

“Idiot! Can’t I change your mind?”

“Not this time Kami-yan.”

“Fine then. The least I could do is take some of the burden from you.”

Tsuchimikado glanced behind him toward Touma. “I get Motaki.”

“Rock girl is mine then,” Touma told him.

“I guess that leaves me with miss water snake,” Aogami smiled as he returned.

The boys turned back to the girls, only to find that they too had been planning. Surround the boys were three orange lights, a circular wall ready to blast them, and above them, a giant stream of water in the shape of a dragon, ready to crash down.

“We don’t like being ignored,” Motaki shouted, just as they let everything lose too attack.

However, in the time it took for Motaki to boast and the attacks to go off, Tsuchimikado had already set up a magic barrier that protected them all from harm.

Seconds after that was done though, Motoharu coughed up blood and then pressed down on his right side in pain.

Touma looked on in worry, but when Aogami looked at Tsuchimikado, he only nodded his head, acknowledging his friends determination, no matter how unnecessary.

‘What kind of things do those two do together?!’ Touma couldn’t help but ask himself.

A moment later the barrage stopped.

In less than a second, the three began to move. Motoharu destroyed the barrier before they bypassed it, allowing the three to leap at the girls.

Again they were shocked that their attacks didn’t bury the boys.

As Aogami appeared in front of Kasumi, she tried to raise her arms as well as the water to protect herself, but Aogami simply punched before she could raise her defence. All it took was a single hit, and she was unconscious.

When Touma landed in front of Ao from his leap, he purposefully rolled, allowing his right hand to press into the ground.

With a satisfying sound, Touma could tell he stopped her power from defending herself.

Coming out of his roll, Ao was completely unprotected as his fist hit her cheek and knocked her down.

Unlike Aogami, Touma didn’t knock her out cold, but never the less, she was out of the fight.

Before Tsuchimikado had even landed he’d already surrounded Motaki in a barrier. By the time his feet hit the ground,it was already too late for her.

“Burn,” Tsuchimikado said, before an explosion took place in the barrier.

After that, the barrier fell, revealing a more or less fine, if fainted, Motaki; she had suffered some light burns, but there was no permanent damage done.

However, Tsuchimikado could feel his insides burst as he began to bleed internally.

Was it worth it?

Huh. I've just realised something. On FF.net, there are only 2 fics with Lemons for TAMNI. I'm not sure how I feel about this. Proud that this fandom hasn't gone sex mad? Or disappointed at the lack of a good romantic smut.

I think I'm mainly the former, but I can't deny i feel a bit of the latter too.

[tsunade666]

great one but I think 5 times is too little for the hero. make it a hundred or thousands more

the first part was okay but when they start using Maika it felt ... weak in someways. With a total one sided fight. Even using a hostage to turn the table around but still it's utterly useless.

[SuzushinaYuriko]

Originally Posted by kaizerknight01

thanks for the feed back guys i appreciate it .... the OC is still on beta stages .... guess i t better scrap it and start over ....... guess it to mary sueish .... i deeply apologies

I was hoping to write adventure/comedy i tend not to write depressing ones

again i apologies if my grammars sucks , i tend to skip the words that i was typing

It's alright, it happens to everyone.

Just throwing an idea out there, but let's say they did another experiment and managed to create a clone out of Accelerator's DNA without him knowing about it. My idea is basically to take the same general idea but make the clone a Level 2 or 3 and give it a power similar to but not exactly the same as Redirection.

You could give the story the plot that you were intending to, with the clone attacking Touma. You could also make it so that the clone escaped from where it was being used for experiments and ran into Touma who decided to help him/her.

Technically, the clone should be the same gender since it's not possible to switch to a different gender than the original. The clone being a male would probably destroy any romantic subplot unless you want to go a the BL route (which would be nice, but the chances of you being a fujoshi are slim). Or, if you were thinking of including romance, you could ignore the fact that a clone needs to be the same gender as the original and go with Akemi/Yuriko.

[outerelf]

Originally Posted by Ashaman

Huh. I've just realised something. On FF.net, there are only 2 fics with Lemons for TAMNI. I'm not sure how I feel about this. Proud that this fandom hasn't gone sex mad? Or disappointed at the lack of a good romantic smut.

I think I'm mainly the former, but I can't deny i feel a bit of the latter too.

... Fanart I think makes up for the lack of perviness- but I think the problem is, it just isn't that popular. It's a good show to watch every now and then, but I think the real meat of the series lies in the light novels.