Dating

[Kafriel]

At the same time though, it might make you seem more interesting because it's almost as if you're inviting her to find out who you are for herself.

Yeah, that's the plan

[Narona]

Originally Posted by Yoko Takeo

Idk, but what he probably means is not intelligence defined in terms of your title, but how much you use your head as opposed to your heart. You can love with your head, and you can love with your heart. Oftentimes, love from the heart is unconditional whereas loving with your head isn't because that's that part of love where you rationalize your relationship and figure out what you can compromise for the sake of your beloved. You can define either type the way you want, but you probably know what I mean.

Oh I see. And what about a mix of the two instead of an extreme?

Originally Posted by Kakashi

When you describe yourself to girls you should just talk about hobbies, interests, peculiarities. Not your deep philosophical stance on life. Firstly, no one really knows themselves fully, especially at a younger age. Secondly, that kind of thing is something you're supposed to explore together. You don't have all the answers- she'll help you find them, and you'll help her discover who she is too.

Strangely, and I am not the only ones among people I know (but I have no clue if we are a lvery ittle minority or not. I guess it's the case), I always disliked the men who not think about big and very important things in Life, or who prefer to say "i don't know" or "let's talk about that later" to the people even if they have in fact a personal opinion. No need to talk about everything, but a person who has some thoughts to discuss on things like marriage, abortion, morals, politics, society etc. can be interesting to talk to. Not definite opinions for everything, but at least to have thought about things like that a bit and willing to discuss. As I see it, no need to wait to be 30yo to think about politics or things like golbal warming. And no need to wait to be in couple to start thinking about some things.

Sure, an opinion can change over time because of the influence of another person, but for some people, there are important things that need to be discussed (that's kind of true in friendship too for example).

Those who talk only about hobbies (like soccer or the OG), interests (the new album from artist X) etc. are just... not that interesting to talk to. At least not for long. (clue for boys: if a girl says a "oh good/great..." while looking away when you're talking about your fabulous hobbies and interests, you better have a change of tactict ) < it's true only in the case i describe. Of course there are girls who will see discussions about the latest animes and mangas as way more interesting and important for example (and there's no sarcasm, i just took that as an example)

I am kind of the same on the opposite side though, and I can say it scared certain boys when I started to talk about my opinions on some things

[Tsuyoshi]

Originally Posted by Narona

Oh I see. And what about a mix of the two instead of an extreme?

In all seriousness, that's actually the best thing. Like my grandmother always said, if you love only with your heart, your love is completely unconditional, but at the same time, you have no focus for anything else and will ultimately make mistakes that will damage the relationship more than strengthen it. That is why you also need to love with your head. In a relationship, you also have to realize you're a part of it too, it's not just about him/her. That's why you need to make compromises. Loving with your head also enables you to think about yourself as part of the relationship, but loving only with your head is considering only you, what you can gain and compromise, and relationships where you only think about yourself with the other never works for obvious reasons

Originally Posted by Narona

Those who talk only about hobbies (like soccer or the OG), interests (the new album from artist X) etc. are just... not that interesting to talk to. At least not for long. (clue for boys: if a girl says a "oh good/great..." while looking away when you're talking about your fabulous hobbies and interests, you better have a change of tactict )

I am kind of the same on the opposite side though, and I can say it scared certain boys when I started to talk about my opinions on some things

There's the dilemma. I myself never liked to talk about hobbies, interests, etc, to others, especially in the beginning, because I know it would bore the hell out of me if someone did that to me. I say the best thing is to just let it come as it does. I always found that the strongest friendships came from those people who discover things on the go. I suppose that makes things more interesting.

On a side note, you don't scare me

[SaintessHeart]

Originally Posted by Yoko Takeo

There's the dilemma. I myself never liked to talk about hobbies, interests, etc, to others, especially in the beginning, because I know it would bore the hell out of me if someone did that to me. I say the best thing is to just let it come as it does. I always found that the strongest friendships came from those people who discover things on the go. I suppose that makes things more interesting.

Here is worse, I never liked talking to girls. So far, quite a number of them I have met are always bitching about other girls behind the latter's backs, planning shopping trips, commenting about how dumb and stupid their boyfriends are, basically all the stuff you'd talk about if you have tunnel vision.

Ask them about music : it'd be pop with hunks.
Ask them about food : it is always those that are exquisite and in small portions, yet cost more than a bomb. Rarely would one or two come along and discuss cooking.
Ask them about clothes : they won't stop talking about it.
Ask them about school/studies : they would rant about how incompetent the teachers are, how boring lectures are, how bitchy the female Chemistry teacher looks, how good-looking the Maths teacher is, etc

And most interestingly, they always seem to talk about how bad, ugly and lousy other people are (esp other girls), but they never take a look in the mirror at themselves and spot their own faults.

If they have these traits but are kind hearted enough forgive others, or even respect their parents for raising them, I'd overlook. But apparently most of them do not.

This is why I prefer 2D girls like the one in my current avatar. They aren't ugly like those abovementioned.

[Tsuyoshi]

Originally Posted by SaintessHeart

Ask them about music : it'd be pop with hunks.
Ask them about food : it is always those that are exquisite and in small portions, yet cost more than a bomb. Rarely would one or two come along and discuss cooking.
Ask them about clothes : they won't stop talking about it.
Ask them about school/studies : they would rant about how incompetent the teachers are, how boring lectures are, how bitchy the female Chemistry teacher looks, how good-looking the Maths teacher is, etc

This.

This is frighteningly accurate. O_O

[SaintessHeart]

Originally Posted by Yoko Takeo

This.

This is frighteningly accurate. O_O

I do believe that is not applicable to all girls. But to MOST girls, at least.

You probably won't see Narona/Syn/Rad/Myst/<female forum member> behaving like this, except the clothes part. In addition - they are probably hiding collapsible spiked bats in their purses.

[hinakatbklyn]

Originally Posted by Yoko Takeo

There's the dilemma. I myself never liked to talk about hobbies, interests, etc, to others, especially in the beginning, because I know it would bore the hell out of me if someone did that to me. I say the best thing is to just let it come as it does. I always found that the strongest friendships came from those people who discover things on the go. I suppose that makes things more interesting.

Having to hear the other side about hobbies and other interests, doesn't faze me one bit. Me trying to keep a conservation going about hobbies, interests or anything else when I have not much to talk about, consider it a big problem for me.

[Tsuyoshi]

Originally Posted by SaintessHeart

I do believe that is not applicable to all girls. But to MOST girls, at least.

You probably won't see Narona/Syn/Rad/Myst/<female forum member> behaving like this, except the clothes part. In addition - they are probably hiding collapsible spiked bats in their purses.

True. But when you consider 90% of the girls you or I have known.....yeah

[Narona]

Originally Posted by Yoko

There's the dilemma. I myself never liked to talk about hobbies, interests, etc, to others, especially in the beginning, because I know it would bore the hell out of me if someone did that to me. I say the best thing is to just let it come as it does. I always found that the strongest friendships came from those people who discover things on the go. I suppose that makes things more interesting.

Well, I didn't mean to start right from the begining a discussion about some grand things, but if there's an opportunity to discuss something like Society or Marriage, I don't see why the person should dodge it. The only reason I see is a "If she thinks the total opposite, It's dead, she will reject me". Could happen, but it's the price to pay for being honest (I don't include the jerks who will actually lie about their opinions to get a girl. But if the girl has some brain, she might be able to spot it before being taken advantage from). As French say "Avoir le courage de ses opinions"

[SaintessHeart]

Originally Posted by Yoko Takeo

True. But when you consider 90% of the girls you or I have known.....yeah

I would say 75-80% on my side. I know less girls than you do.

Otakus like me only step-up to interact with kemonomimis.

Originally Posted by Kakashi

Aren't you a bit skeptical?

Maybe. I am not sure if it counts as skepticism, but meh. *lies back* I shan't care!

[Kakashi]

Originally Posted by Narona

Strangely, and I am not the only ones among people I know (but I have no clue if we are a lvery ittle minority or not. I guess it's the case), I always disliked the men who not think about big and very important things in Life, or who prefer to say "i don't know" or "let's talk about that later" to the people even if they have in fact a personal opinion.

There are times for 'big and very important things in life', and there are times for banter/lighter topics. When you want to date someone you don't start discussing your views on abortion. Most girls don't want to talk about that shit when they just meet you.

Oh yeah, how many get turned on by a man who knows his politics? Not freakin many. They will just seem dull as hell. Later on in the relationship why not, but dating is supposed to be feeling eachother out and having fun.

My point, though, was that he should be honest if that question specifically comes up. If he doesn't know, he doesn't know. He is who he is for now. Not that I've ever heard a girl ask a guy who they've just met 'who are you?' in a philosophical sense. They usually pick on what kind of person he is by the way he talks, his attitude etc.

^ vice versa with guys

Originally Posted by Yoko Takeo

There's the dilemma. I myself never liked to talk about hobbies, interests, etc, to others, especially in the beginning, because I know it would bore the hell out of me if someone did that to me.

It's something to talk about, not necessarily something you have to talk about. But how else how do you propose two people get to know eachother? When I'm genuinely interested in a girl I'll really want to know these basic things.

[Narona]

Originally Posted by Kakashi

There are times for 'big and very important things in life', and there are times for banter/lighter topics. When you want to date someone you don't start discussing your views on abortion. Most girls don't want to talk about that shit when they just meet you.

The fact is that in dating, there are people who don't care if the other person has the same taste in term of clothes. For some people, If s/he dislikes kids for example, s/he's kind of set to be rejected, whatever if both like Chanel and One Piece.

Sure there are a lot of girls who will start dating a boy just because they like the same artists and the same types of clothes. But I just wanted to remember that its is not 100% true. I didn't say that your advice is bad, but that Kafriel could meet another type of woman who will actually dislike that.

Oh yeah, how many get turned on by a man who knows his politics? Not freakin many. They will just seem dull as hell. Later on in the relationship why not, but dating is supposed to be feeling eachother out and having fun.

Many or not, that's not the question to me. I just tried to give an advice to Kafriel. There are girls like this, but also girls like that.

And not everyone has the same opinion or view on what dating should be

My point, though, was that he should be honest if that question specifically comes up. If he doesn't know, he doesn't know. He is who he is for now. Not that I've ever heard a girl ever ask a guy who they've just met 'who are you?' in a philosophical sense. They usually pick on what kind of person he is by the way he talks, his attitude etc.

^ vice versa with guys

And my point was that if the girl changes subjects because she doesn't see his liking in a musician as something that count in mating, he should not dodge it if he has an opinion on a topic, but spills the bean if he's a honest person who doesn't fear to be rejected for what he is and thinks.

[Throne Invader]

Originally Posted by SaintessHeart

Here is worse, I never liked talking to girls. So far, quite a number of them I have met are always bitching about other girls behind the latter's backs, planning shopping trips, commenting about how dumb and stupid their boyfriends are, basically all the stuff you'd talk about if you have tunnel vision.

Hahaha! That is true for a lot of girls I guess. Planning shopping trips are exciting you know. Actually everything you mentioned is exciting but I'm not into bashing people behind their backs.

Ask them about music : it'd be pop with hunks.

I heard guys get irritated when their girlfriends blab about this especially in front of them

Ask them about food : it is always those that are exquisite and in small portions, yet cost more than a bomb. Rarely would one or two come along and discuss cooking.

I haven't really met other girls who would prefer small portions of expensive food. That's not the case where I live though. There's no difference whether you're male or female. People here just love to eat I kind of packed a few pounds over the Christmas vacation myself so I went into a diet last month and now I'm back to my original weight. So I'm probably guessing that there are alot of girls you mentioned who are like that but I wouldn't exactly say it's a majority.

Ask them about clothes : they won't stop talking about it.

Very true!!!

Ask them about school/studies : they would rant about how incompetent the teachers are, how boring lectures are, how bitchy the female Chemistry teacher looks, how good-looking the Maths teacher is, etc

From my experiences, guys can be like this too.

And most interestingly, they always seem to talk about how bad, ugly and lousy other people are (esp other girls), but they never take a look in the mirror at themselves and spot their own faults.

This is good advice you have here for those kinds of girls.

[Narona]

Originally Posted by FragrantFlora

Planning shopping trips are exciting you know.

Very true!!!

For those two things, that's not our fault, that's genetics. Yes, ge-ne-tics.

Spoiler for .:

I know, I know

[Throne Invader]

Originally Posted by Narona

For those two things, that's not our fault, that's genetics. Yes, ge-ne-tics.

Spoiler for .:

I know, I know

Haha! We can't be particularly held at fault for everything we do can we

[Kakashi]

Originally Posted by Narona

The fact is that in dating, there are people who don't care if the other person has the same taste in term of clothes. For some people, If s/he dislikes kids for example, s/he's kind of set to be rejected, whatever if both like Chanel and One Piece.

Sure there are a lot of girls who will start dating a boy just because they like the same artists and the same types of clothes. But I just wanted to remember that its is not 100% true. I didn't say that your advice is bad, but that Kafriel could meet another type of woman who will actually dislike that.

I don't mean their interests have to match. When you really are interested in something you tend to want to know more about it, right? You're not cross-referencing interests, simply learning more about this person.

Many or not, that's not the question to me. I just tried to give an advice to Kafriel. There are girls like this, but also girls like that.

Fair enough.

And not everyone has the same opinion or view on what dating should be

I guess not. I see dating as the early stages of a potentially romantic relationship. Not a forum to dicuss politics, global warming etc. Therefore there should be laughter, smiling, flirting, blushing - not things that come with overly serious discussion. Not to say someone who is intelligent and can articulate themselves isn't attractive, but the topics you mentioned above are actually a matter of education.

Many people aren't so well educated. What are you going to do? Discard a really great person because they, for instance, don't care about politics and chose not to educate themselves on the matter?

I think two people should be able to enjoy eachothers company first ; if they can't then it's not really a functional relationship in the first place. In other words, that they like the other person for who they are (personality traits) rather than what they know.

And my point was that if the girl changes subjects because she doesn't see his liking in a musician as something that count in mating, he should not dodge it if he has an opinion on a topic, but spills the bean if he's a honest person who doesn't fear to be rejected for what he is and thinks.

I agree with this.

[SaintessHeart]

Originally Posted by Narona

For those two things, that's not our fault, that's genetics. Yes, ge-ne-tics.

Spoiler for .:

I know, I know

How can planned shopping trips be exciting? Wherever there is a group outing, we guys would always be the ones waiting outside stores while the girls just spend half-an-hour inside, spend up to $50-$100 on clothes they wear only once or twice.

And there is lingerie shopping. It is beyond me why girls would spend a two digit sum over a piece of undergarment that is never seen worn, or why they would actually want the guys to follow them into the store (can't we just wait outside with the rest of your shopping?).

Most of all, shopping online is significantly cheaper than buying from store, yet it eludes me why girls would actually want to spend an hour walking around an entire mall just for a tank top that can be found in most blogshops. *facepalm*

Thank goodness for the PSP. But one more thing, Hatsune Miku is a virtual character, why get jealous over her just because your boyfriend says she's cute? *facepalm*

Finally : I find girls skip Physical Education lessons more often and berate us guys for tracking mud into the class after a game of soccer, but yet they are always complaining that they are fat and couldn't fit into the clothes they bought a long time ago. Interestingly, they actually remembered when they bought the clothes when we have never seen them wear it before.

[RadiantBeam]

Originally Posted by SaintessHeart

Most of all, shopping online is significantly cheaper than buying from store, yet it eludes me why girls would actually want to spend an hour walking around an entire mall just for a tank top that can be found in most blogshops. *facepalm*

I'm honestly not a big fan of shopping myself, drive my mother insane, but for me part of the fun of walking through a mall with my family or a group of my friends is less about what I'm buying and more about the bonding time. It's not really about how one thing is cheaper than the other, it's about spending time with your friends, hanging out, and just in general reinforcing that bond, even over something as boring (to me) as shopping.

[Narona]

Originally Posted by Kakashi

I don't mean their interests have to match. When you really are interested in something you tend to want to know more about it, right? You're not cross-referencing interests, simply learning more about this person.

Yeah On my side, I meant what's seen as important in mating ^^ (it differs from a person to another, of course)

Many people aren't so well educated. What are you going to do? Discard a really great person because they, for instance, don't care about politics and chose not to educate themselves on the matter?

It was just some examples But I guess there are people who would discard another for that, yes.

But if I take my case for example. There are topics that are important to me and you don't need to be Einstein to have some opinions about it. Imo, a person who doesn't care about marriage, family etc. (i mean, "don't think much about it") at 20-25yo is not something related to a lack of education. It can be just that he's not interested or for other reasons.

Now about the education. If he sees that many people talk about a topic that could actually be dangerous for the humans (take the golbal warming as an example), then yes, I would not like to see him not caring at all wheither he understands the concept or not.

I think two people should be able to enjoy eachothers company first ; if they can't then it's not really a functional relationship in the first place. that they like who the other person is (personality traits) rather than what they know..

Enjoying company is good, but I wonder if it can be enough in the long run. I understand that some people can keep living like this. But some people don't, and need to actually build things with the person they love. That includes talking about the future (I know many boys hate that ). Therefore it includes to talk about things that could happen sooner or later. And if for example one person doesn't want to get married ever while the other one wants, whatever if the two of them enjoy each other company and their Wii parties, it will cause problems sooner or later. And avoiding the subject while enjoying the present is just, in some case, setting a big bomb to explode sooner or later.

Of course, one person can still think and hope that an opinion can change, but concerning something that can be seen as very important for somebody, I don't think that planning to work everyday to change a person is the easiest thing to do (that's the example of the girl who wants to change a bad boy in a romantic bill gates all over again), so some things, imo, need to be discussed (and set if possible) early.

[Ascaloth]

Hmmm. I actually do know at least one girl who....

Originally Posted by SaintessHeart

Ask them about music : it'd be pop with hunks.

....is a self-trained classical pianist, so none of that. To my surprise, I did learn later on that she also has an interest in non-mainstream rock (Stratovarius' Forever, for one), and Chinese classical opera music. Huh. I'm the Chinese here, and she knows more about the latter than I do.

Ask them about food : it is always those that are exquisite and in small portions, yet cost more than a bomb. Rarely would one or two come along and discuss cooking.

....likes good food as much as anyone else, but generally isn't too fussy. Doesn't know how to cook though, but it's not like I'm any better in this regard.

Ask them about clothes : they won't stop talking about it.

....is almost entirely clueless. I've seen her look really good once, but that was the result of the efforts of her far-more-fashionable friend.

Ask them about school/studies : they would rant about how incompetent the teachers are, how boring lectures are, how bitchy the female Chemistry teacher looks, how good-looking the Maths teacher is, etc

....does do that fairly often, now that I think of it. Eyuh.

And most interestingly, they always seem to talk about how bad, ugly and lousy other people are (esp other girls), but they never take a look in the mirror at themselves and spot their own faults.

....that, too. Nobody's perfect, I guess. Mostly the first part though, not quite so much for the latter part of the statement.

If they have these traits but are kind hearted enough forgive others, or even respect their parents for raising them, I'd overlook. But apparently most of them do not.

....and perhaps the one girl I've found who is like that, isn't even a local. Maybe it's just me, but I think there's a reason for that.

Well, no prizes for guessing which girl I'm talking about.