2013-05-09, 10:50 | Link #43006 |
That one guy
Join Date: Nov 2011
|
Again, drunk Chifuyu is moe Chifuyu. Drunk Chifuyu is confession Chifuyu AKA the only part I really enjoyed about V5, or was it 4? I think it was 4. Hair down Chifuyu versus ponytail Chifuyu. A battle that will shake the very foundations of the Earth D:
|
2013-05-09, 13:29 | Link #43008 |
Just another Idiot
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Delusion world
|
I got bored with Generation Shift so I fast forward to the future where most of the juicy part of the story are.
I might do a rewrite sometime in the future if I can find the time to do so. The following story take place in Generation Shift universe. Spoiler for Generation Shift 2:
I mentioned the title of this story before so I will not mention it again.
__________________
|
2013-05-10, 00:55 | Link #43011 |
Awe of She
Author
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Orlando
|
Hnn...to me, it seemed as if the 'realization' came a bit too ... easily? Or maybe it was the 'explanation' part... Oh! That's an idea - for an apology, can have Ichika make Chifuyu something to help with the apology, a small cake, a pie or a batch of cookies - something to get the 'wifey' act going again. XD Just something to get the other girls (other than Madoka) poking at him again.
And then, as Chifuyu's apology to them, she can bring in the slice of cake/pie and eat it in front of homeroom, saying that she suddenly felt like having a piece while avoiding eye contact and maybe even a little blush (tsundere) since she's about to eat sweets in front of her students, but Ik-kun and Madoka-chan smile since they know, or rather than knowing, they can 'discern' that this was Chifuyu's way of apologizing to them in front of everyone. She notes their smile and can't help but smile a bit herself as she finishes the piece and goes back to teaching but Maya can tell that the air between the Orimura siblings is a little clearer now. Believe it or not, I do like subtlety...
__________________
|
2013-05-10, 01:02 | Link #43012 |
I am no one
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Inside your head
|
My intention is not clear enough it seems, Ichika already knew it from the get go in the previous chapter (he's being sardonic than flat out scowling), and Lingyin don't show any fear at all, on the other hand, Madoka, Cecilia, and Charles is flat out disturbed.
I suppose the transition needs to be reworked indeed. I felt like the last part of chapter 14 is not... gripping enough, and yes, this part is quite abrupt and too sudden. Need to consult blitz, but he's nowhere to be seen. Can you help
__________________
|
2013-05-10, 01:50 | Link #43016 |
Awe of She
Author
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Orlando
|
...keep the draft. lol
It's the skeleton, now all you have to do is add the 'fleshy' bits. I read the part for 14 that you have up and ... maybe you have to break it up into a lot of POVs for that scene...I hope not because it can become too cluttered. ...Sending PM And curse that Orimura bloodline - it's so potent that even siblings aren't safe from charms. :3
__________________
|
2013-05-10, 02:08 | Link #43018 |
I am no one
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Inside your head
|
Well, canonically speaking
Ichika's pheromone field is much smaller than Chifuyu's, but FAR denser Anyone caught in it will not be able to leave him for anyone, not even Chifuyu Compare a star and a black hole
__________________
|
Tags |
fanfic ideas, fanfiction, ff.net, harem, is fanfic, warning fanfic spoilers, wincest |
|
|