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Old 2011-10-06, 06:50   Link #2301
StratoSpear
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Detective-san View Post
Hohoho, I'm holding you responsible
for any Gundam crossovers from here
on out.
Does having capabilities from Gundams count as a crossover?

If so, then
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Old 2011-10-06, 06:51   Link #2302
wavehawk
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DAMMIT I NEED TO REWRITE AND I GET YOU GUYS WRITING OVER ME AAAAUUUGHHH

I will strangle you guys writing Sacred Twins, because you MADE me write this!!!
Quote:
I'm slipping...

Madoka swallowed, almost as if the action would help pull her back up. But it was to no avail. Her fingers were slipping from the cliff face as the evil laughter roared overhead.

"What can your brother do now, little girl?" The man above her cackled with glee. "He can't help you in time!"

Ichika-nii~~ Madoka felt her mask crumble, fighting back tears she tried not to show.

Finally her hand slipped---

---and was instantly grabbed by another girl's grip.

Madoka was surprised. The grip on her wrist was painul, like a snake biting hard on a limb. But it was life. It was a chance at life. She looke dup to see the shadow of a girl with a baseball cap on her head. She could not see the face clearly, but the eyes.

...those eyes. Like a snake, fixing and mesmerizing her like prey.

"In another world, another time, I'd probably be the one trying to kill you." the other girl muttered as she slowly dragged her back up to safety. Madoka was transfixed--she truly was like a snake, as her limbs were like a girl her age--yet strong, almost as strong as her brother. "But it would be really inconvenient if you died right now, Orimura Madoka."

Maybe stronger.

Finally, as she knelt on safe ground, Madoka could get a clear view of her savior.

And then, at her attacker.

The man who'd thrown her off the cliff was cursing violently, tryign depserately to pull a large knife embedded in his arm. With a roar like the beast he was, he yanked it out.

Eyes like a wild beast. He glared hatefully--not at Madoka but the new girl who stood in his way.

"You witch, who are you?"

Five knives showered the ground, prompting the man to leap backwards in fright--he'd not even seen the flick of wrist in the cap-wearing girl's hand.

"Orimura, I personally don't care whether you lve or die," The girl with the cap girl bluntly told Madoka. "But if you die, Ichika will suffer. And I won't allow that."

"What do you know about my Onii-chan?" Madoke tried to put back her mask, but somehow the other girl was unshaken. "What did you mean by that?"

"Hah." The other girl smirked. Again, like a snake with it's eye on prey. "Promise me something, Orimura Madoka."

"Eh?"

"Don't you dare die and make your brother suffer." The words slithered subtly, a snake crawling through tall grass. "Live long and be happy."

"Why are you telling me this?

"Because there's room for only one monster watching Ichika in the shadows." The girl with the serpent eyes smiled her sinister, gleeful smile under the shaodw of her baseball cap. Slowly she raised her right arm, exposing the blood-red tattoo of six lines. Three straight, three broken. Fire and Water in the same cup. "Only room for one snake."

"I know that symbol," The man bristled as he observed the mark, but stood his ground. "Arashikage. You're THAT Arashikage?!?"

"Protect one---kill the other. A fair trade, don't you think?"

Before the man could react, a world of blades opened up in his face--to the laughter of a teenager girl with snake's eyes....
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Old 2011-10-06, 06:52   Link #2303
MeisterBabylon
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Eratas123 View Post
They really can't do anything about Joshua though After the failed mission he's in critical condition and in a coma to boot. FRACTURE isn't the bad guy here and in fact they're losing a lot of money keeping Joshua alive at this point Irish himself doesn't hate them as I said before, he just resents the fact that he has to keep working to keep Joshua alive and get his freedom, but anybody else would've let Joshua die and killed Irish so he really doesn't complain about it. He does wish they gave him a more conservative partner
As long as they keep trying to get Irish to destroy IS with violent means, that's bad already. The Cell Regenerator Equalizers used in medical IS at the Academy or even on Metroid ships will give Joshua a larger fighting chance more than anything else on Earth. Getting him to the ISA would have been wiser. And Karon wants to prove it to him that they can do it for Joshua for nothing in return, that they will help simply because its a life in danger. She's already willing to risk herself for an 'enemy' after all...

The next step is getting him to live to keep Joshua company, but that's Tatenashi's job.
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Old 2011-10-06, 06:54   Link #2304
Masuzu
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Haha, it's no use, Mike-san, once
you've seen the power of twincest,
there's no going back.
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Old 2011-10-06, 06:55   Link #2305
Eratas123
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@ Meister- He'd still tell her to shut up He already keeps his past a secret and her seeing it probably just pissed him off more

They're NOT trying to make him destroy IS violently! He's ordered to do a mission stealthily while Tatenashi distracts the opposition.Most of his missions are intel gathering and recon, sometimes he sneaks into bases and the like but that's mostly it. Like I said, It's his pathological hatred for the IS that's distracting him. FRACTURE would prefer that they do missions with no casualties whatsoever but he tends to ignore this and destroys as many inactive units as he can even when it's not related.

Wait...How did Erika stop him? He would've thrown a chaff grenade at her and kept running It's stupid but he's not the most careful guy in the world when he's already been exposed. The suit also gives him advanced reflexes so he would've flipped under Erika's unit. Though at that point the painkillers would have run out and he'd turn into a ragdoll due to the pressure, he's screwed at that point.

Also, He doesn't trust the IS machinery so do you think he'd trust it to keep Joshua alive? He'd probably tell her no even if she offers him the chance. He'll keep working for them to keep Joshua safe then maybe choose to continue working for them to help keep the world safe or start a new life and leave it all behind. it depends on where I take his character development.

Maybe I'll write a draft on what you posted earlier by tomorrow, how does one beat Karon's mech again? I need accurate info to make the draft.

@ Zero- Amnesiac! Irish acts completely different from regular Irish if you look at the draft. It's not just his human side but also his immature and childish side, that's why he's way more open about liking Tatenashi.

@ Stratospear- Nice mech drawing! Gotta wonder how hot it is in that thing though and I'm surprised at how thick it is. Is it because it has no shields and needs more armor?

@ wavehawk- Another great fic from the dark writer himself! Your capacity to turn anything to grim dark is truly awe inspiring Can you teach me o great master?

Last edited by Eratas123; 2011-10-06 at 08:09.
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Old 2011-10-06, 06:55   Link #2306
wavehawk
O GALILEO LET ME GO
 
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Detective-san View Post
Haha, it's no use, Mike-san, once
you've seen the power of twincest, there's no going back.
- That's not the problem here! The problem is...<Ren> in that universe?
We're talking impending disaster!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Eratas123
@ wavehawk- Another great fic from the dark writer himself! Your capacity to turn anything to grim dark is truly awe inspiring Can you teach me o great master?
- Not everythign I write is grimdark!
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Old 2011-10-06, 07:05   Link #2307
Eratas123
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Your still miles above from what I'm writing My story isn't as grimdark as I'd like it to be.
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Old 2011-10-06, 07:12   Link #2308
StratoSpear
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Eratas123 View Post

@ Stratospear- Nice mech drawing! Gotta wonder how hot it is in that thing though and I'm surprised at how thick it is. Is it because it has no shields and needs more armor?
Thanks!

It has thick armor but Inami won't be suffering from heat buildups since the Minerva has a passive ventilation system using the round things on the sides of the head, the shoulders, elbows and the sides of the knees. Also, there are exposed parts of his body like the neck, above the elbows and above the hips.

To guard those exposed areas, the Minerva does have a spherical shield AND the AD barrier, only it's less powerful compared to typical ISes.

Due to this, the Minerva's shield attenuates faster than the IS' under consistent hits. Hence why during Chapter 2 of the fanfic, it sustained physical armor damage to protect Ichika after the shield wears out after tanking multiple hits.
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Old 2011-10-06, 07:43   Link #2309
Eratas123
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@ Blitz- Sent you Chapter 4 draft with some changes in the content, please read and tell me if it's better or worse.
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Old 2011-10-06, 09:05   Link #2310
MeisterBabylon
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Eratas123 View Post
@ Meister- He'd still tell her to shut up He already keeps his past a secret and her seeing it probably just pissed him off more
Yeah, he does retort ‘Shut up,’ but in the Accelerator ‘I agree with you already so shut up’ manner.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Eratas123 View Post
They're NOT trying to make him destroy IS violently! He's ordered to do a mission stealthily while Tatenashi distracts the opposition. Most of his missions are intel gathering and recon, sometimes he sneaks into bases and the like but that's mostly it. Like I said, It's his pathological hatred for the IS that's distracting him. FRACTURE would prefer that they do missions with no casualties whatsoever but he tends to ignore this and destroys as many inactive units as he can even when it's not related.
Argh okay I really need to work this out... So the organization isn’t responsible for it, it’s just him? Then dealing with him is a lot easier.

However, I don’t people will let him off easily (or FRACTURE for that matter) for trying to steal classified information from the ISA. In a world without an IS war, that might be a lesser crime, but in your world where the heads of state know of such a war, classified IS data ending up in hands beyond their control probably amounts to treason or something of that calibre. The last time someone thought a country was illegally making weapons of mass destruction, there was a pointless war. Moving Joshua to ISA would solve the part where Irish has to keep working for FRACTURE, or anyone, for his treatment. Moving himself there might be a big step, but if he’s apprehended by authorities, that’s the safest place in the world for him. Because I believe FRACTURE would like to make sure their secrets stay secrets, permanently.

That would also allow Karon to back her words up with her claws.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Eratas123 View Post
Wait...How did Erika stop him? He would've thrown a chaff grenade at her and kept running It's stupid but he's not the most careful guy in the world when he's already been exposed. The suit also gives him advanced reflexes so he would've flipped under Erika's unit. Though at that point the painkillers would have run out and he'd turn into a ragdoll due to the pressure, he's screwed at that point.
Yes, he was about to react to the situation (knife/grenade/your choice) when Karon’s talking distracted everyone for the moment. I left off there for you to finish it any way you wish.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Eratas123 View Post
Maybe I'll write a draft on what you posted earlier by tomorrow, how does one beat Karon's mech again? I need accurate info to make the draft.
One way or another, he’s got to electrocute the IS. I suggested luring her under several power lines previously C4’d, detonate them and drop it on top of her. Or find Pikachu.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Eratas123 View Post
Also, He doesn't trust the IS machinery so do you think he'd trust it to keep Joshua alive? He'd probably tell her no even if she offers him the chance. He'll keep working for them to keep Joshua safe then maybe choose to continue working for them to help keep the world safe or start a new life and leave it all behind. it depends on where I take his character development.
If this is the first meeting, then that's a given. She's got several other meetings on the battlefield before anything can happen. Gives her another person to try and reach out to.

FRACTURE might get a tad nervous that their rather unreliable operative is now given a lifeline, and that might come to bite him as paranoia sets in.

I suppose that because of her talking, Irish uses the chance to refuse and escape. But I do think the incident is enough to leave an impact for him to think about it. Each meeting should effect something.

In the meantime, Karon manages to annoy her instructors and commanders for her rash actions, yet refuse to file a proper report, put herself (and her IS) out of action for a few days, and piss off some of her more militant feminist classmates in one swoop. It would be lovely to try and cover every aspect of the fallout. Like a true Vandam pilot!



@Stratospear: That helms reminds of Vandam I-type's
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Last edited by MeisterBabylon; 2011-10-06 at 09:31.
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Old 2011-10-06, 09:40   Link #2311
ZeroXSEED
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wavehawk View Post
- That's not the problem here! The problem is...<Ren> in that universe?
We're talking impending disaster!
In short, the irresistible force of the great taboo relationship that is tWINcest screwed even THE greatest I.S. fanfic writer's overall plot...

I & Blitz took the responsibility as a whole, please send some sort of formal protest.

(Reading Yahoo mail about new Review in the Sacred Twins)

Oh, there's one.

@Stratospear I'm sorry being late to respon, but the sketch is incredible! Oh, I envy you...
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Last edited by ZeroXSEED; 2011-10-06 at 10:17.
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Old 2011-10-06, 10:43   Link #2312
StratoSpear
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MeisterBabylon View Post


@Stratospear: That helms reminds of Vandam I-type's
Vandams? What are those?
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Old 2011-10-06, 11:07   Link #2313
ZeroXSEED
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Originally Posted by StratoSpear View Post
Vandams? What are those?
Some sort of Combat-specialist I.S. / Mass-Produced I.S. (if I'm not wrong) made for his space-something OCs.

MeisterBabylon has a habit of mixing influences of various media, though especially from Gundams. This may confuse a new reader (like me).

Once you understand though, his 'Fanon' is quite compelling.
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Old 2011-10-06, 17:01   Link #2314
DarkJak2050
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Quote:
Originally Posted by StratoSpear View Post
I realized it might be hard to visualize the Minerva battle-armor and the Drone IS units in my fic so I decided to spent some time drawing a sketch of them.

The Minerva Battle-Armor


Drone IS unit
Nice design. Damn shame that I can't draw, but looking at that made me realize that my readers would have an issue picturing my OCs combat armor they used when they were mercenaries. And they're going to be using it again later on. If I have to say, it would be similar to these:

Spoiler for Armor Design(s) 1:

Spoiler for Armor Design 2:

Spoiler for Armor Design 3:

Spoiler for Back View:


The armor Alpha Squad uses are not really going to change their size and height that much. It'll add about 2-3 inches or 4 to their size.

Last edited by DarkJak2050; 2011-10-06 at 18:19. Reason: Had a little issue on choosing which images to use.
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Old 2011-10-06, 17:28   Link #2315
Eratas123
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MeisterBabylon View Post
Yeah, he does retort ‘Shut up,’ but in the Accelerator ‘I agree with you already so shut up’ manner.

Argh okay I really need to work this out... So the organization isn’t responsible for it, it’s just him? Then dealing with him is a lot easier.

However, I don’t people will let him off easily (or FRACTURE for that matter) for trying to steal classified information from the ISA. In a world without an IS war, that might be a lesser crime, but in your world where the heads of state know of such a war, classified IS data ending up in hands beyond their control probably amounts to treason or something of that calibre. The last time someone thought a country was illegally making weapons of mass destruction, there was a pointless war. Moving Joshua to ISA would solve the part where Irish has to keep working for FRACTURE, or anyone, for his treatment. Moving himself there might be a big step, but if he’s apprehended by authorities, that’s the safest place in the world for him. Because I believe FRACTURE would like to make sure their secrets stay secrets, permanently.

That would also allow Karon to back her words up with her claws.

Yes, he was about to react to the situation (knife/grenade/your choice) when Karon’s talking distracted everyone for the moment. I left off there for you to finish it any way you wish.

One way or another, he’s got to electrocute the IS. I suggested luring her under several power lines previously C4’d, detonate them and drop it on top of her. Or find Pikachu.

If this is the first meeting, then that's a given. She's got several other meetings on the battlefield before anything can happen. Gives her another person to try and reach out to.

FRACTURE might get a tad nervous that their rather unreliable operative is now given a lifeline, and that might come to bite him as paranoia sets in.

I suppose that because of her talking, Irish uses the chance to refuse and escape. But I do think the incident is enough to leave an impact for him to think about it. Each meeting should effect something.

In the meantime, Karon manages to annoy her instructors and commanders for her rash actions, yet refuse to file a proper report, put herself (and her IS) out of action for a few days, and piss off some of her more militant feminist classmates in one swoop. It would be lovely to try and cover every aspect of the fallout. Like a true Vandam pilot!



@Stratospear: That helms reminds of Vandam I-type's
First off, Thanks for answering the questions again. Hard to believe we got this far just cause I made an off-hand comment about those two interacting.

Now for some Clarifications:

1. FRACTURE isn't an evil organization so they will let Joshua go. In fact; they'll let Joshua go at about halfway through Irish's story and he'll already be offered to stop working for them. At that point though he'll already knows about the duplicate core manufacturing so he'll choose to keep fighting with them willingly. Joshua would be sad that Irish didn't choose a normal life but proud that he's using his skills to help rather than pointlessly destroy. Irish will mellow out more at that point now that he's not being forced to do things and that Joshua's safe.

2. The reason they're not decommissioning Irish is because the units he blows up are from enemy bases so it's no skin off their nose if they're gone, Irish wouldn't be as stupid as to try and blow up his own sides units and he still does mission objectives anyway. It's just that theirs more explosions than they thought there would be

3. Irish also doesn't try steal IS academy secrets, why would he? He already knows how to demolish units so he wouldn't try to get anymore blueprints. Like I said, he doesn't want to risk Joshua's health by doing something that might piss of FRACTURE.

4. The war happened previously and right now the world is okay. The war is something the three protagonists are trying to prevent from happening in the first place in each of their scenarios.

5. How would he get a power line? The fight takes place in IS academy and I haven't seen any power lines there at all.

6. Militant female classmates? That class must be really down the toilet if that's the case Maybe I'll do a scene where the three male leads are challenged to something and the penalty for losing is...deadly...to say the least.

7. How does Maximillian deal with a class of militant man-haters? Must suck to be him

8. Why would Karon try so hard to persuade Irish? She might've seen his past but I doubt that's enough to risk his life for him by taking a bullet for him?

Last edited by Eratas123; 2011-10-06 at 18:31.
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Old 2011-10-06, 18:31   Link #2316
falcolobo
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Exclamation

Since we're throwing around drafts: here's a draft for a part of a later chapter.

Of course its Ichika X Maya. Open the spoiler to read!

Spoiler for IchikaXMaya:


And I think that is where I'll end it. Wait for the complete version! This going to be either Chapter 4 or 5!
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Old 2011-10-06, 18:50   Link #2317
Eratas123
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@ Falcolobo- *bleeding massively through nose* Oh, don't mind me. Please continue what you're doing. (It's pretty good but did he fall in love at first sight or something?)
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Old 2011-10-06, 19:31   Link #2318
ZeroXSEED
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Quote:
Originally Posted by falcolobo View Post
Since we're throwing around drafts: here's a draft for a part of a later chapter.

Of course its Ichika X Maya. Open the spoiler to read!

Spoiler for IchikaXMaya:


And I think that is where I'll end it. Wait for the complete version! This going to be either Chapter 4 or 5!
GODDAMNIT FALCOLOBO! WE'RE OUT OF BLOOD SUPPLY BECAUSE THE INCIDENT WITH OLD MAN ALREADY!

*Nosebleed*

BLITZ! MEISTER! WE'LL TAKE CARE OF AT THE VERY LEAST ONE PATIENT OF HEAVY BLOOD LOSS DUE TO THE SUDDEN INCREASE IN NASAL CAPILLARY PRESSURE!

NO! DON'T MIND ME! I CAN TAKE CARE MYSELF! CALL PARAMEDIC~!

But seriously, VIVA TABOO RELATIONSHIP...

*THUD*
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Old 2011-10-06, 19:39   Link #2319
falcolobo
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Wow...suddenly I feel oddly giddy at being the cause of a few would-be deaths...

Just wait until the actual chapter comes out.
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Old 2011-10-06, 19:40   Link #2320
Eratas123
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ZeroXSEED View Post
GODDAMNIT FALCOLOBO! WE'RE OUT OF BLOOD SUPPLY BECAUSE THE INCIDENT WITH OLD MAN ALREADY!

*Nosebleed*

BLITZ! MEISTER! WE'LL TAKE CARE OF AT THE VERY LEAST ONE PATIENT OF HEAVY BLOOD LOSS DUE TO THE SUDDEN INCREASE IN NASAL CAPILLARY PRESSURE!

NO! DON'T MIND ME! I CAN TAKE CARE MYSELF! CALL PARAMEDIC~!

But seriously, VIVA TABOO RELATIONSHIP...

*THUD*
Help me! I'm losing too much blood...I need more twinc-*faints*
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