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Old 2011-10-06, 19:41   Link #2321
ZeroXSEED
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Quote:
Originally Posted by falcolobo View Post
Wow...suddenly I feel oddly giddy at being the cause of a few would-be deaths...

Just wait until the actual chapter comes out.
I have this feeling that this is actually Yamada-sensei's-
Spoiler for lol:
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Old 2011-10-06, 19:54   Link #2322
falcolobo
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ZeroXSEED View Post
I have this feeling that this is actually Yamada-sensei's-
Spoiler for lol:
No it actually happens, just not in the way that is portrayed here....

Good guess though.
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Old 2011-10-06, 20:05   Link #2323
ZeroXSEED
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Originally Posted by falcolobo View Post
No it actually happens, just not in the way that is portrayed here....

Good guess though.
Seems like my particle recharging process has yet to be completed, I guess I'll start Chapter 10 tomorrow while going Trans Am again.
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Old 2011-10-06, 20:05   Link #2324
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Ichika actually has the cojones to do something like that I'm liking him more and more than canon Ichika!
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Old 2011-10-06, 20:31   Link #2325
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It's time for us to undergo Innovation then...

TRANS AM BURST!!!!

Spoiler for Nanatou:


Fuah....recharging once again.
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Old 2011-10-06, 20:45   Link #2326
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You guys are weak.

*writes up some bloods and hands it to the nurse*



Quote:
Originally Posted by StratoSpear View Post
Vandams? What are those?
A little pun.

The National Flower of Singapore is the orchid Vanda Miss Joaquim. The most famous of the IS made by the country (the first one built for gladiator games for Metropolis) 5 years ago was named after that flower. Due to space constrants, the unit bore the name "Vanda M. Joaquim" on its wings, which led MugenType magazine (the IS equivalent of NewType and NyanType) to dub it the "Vandam Joaquim". In a move of ascended fanboyism, the Vandam was subsequently upgraded into the first Armored Stratos with a unit named Vandam Joaquim Orchiris, the core unit becoming the Vandam Joaquim Stamen.

Even though the unit was quickly superceded, it had become the mother of several lines of Metroid IS, each one bearing the name Vandam, even though it was only the later models which had pilots wearing samurai-like tiaras. Karon's unit is a Vandam I-type, descendent of the Vandam O-type, which was in turn an attempt to convert the Joaquim for proper massproduction.

I think this was part of the I-type's history in Karon's profile, but I may have removed it during one of the earlier revisions. Either way, its going back in once I get off my bum to get it done.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ZeroXSEED View Post
MeisterBabylon has a habit of mixing influences of various media, though especially from Gundams. This may confuse a new reader (like me).

Once you understand though, his 'Fanon' is quite compelling.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Eratas123 View Post
First off, Thanks for answering the questions again. Hard to believe we got this far just cause I made an off-hand comment about those two interacting.
I'm having fun that's why. XD

Quote:
Originally Posted by Eratas123 View Post
Now for some Clarifications:

1. FRACTURE isn't an evil organization so they will let Joshua go. In fact; they'll let Joshua go at about halfway through Irish's story and he'll already be offered to stop working for them. At that point though he'll already knows about the duplicate core manufacturing so he'll choose to keep fighting with them willingly. Joshua would be sad that Irish didn't choose a normal life but proud that he's using his skills to help rather than pointlessly destroy. Irish will mellow out more at that point now that he's not being forced to do things and that Joshua's safe.
*scribbles notes*

I seem to keep forgetting this...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Eratas123 View Post
2. The reason they're not decommissioning Irish is because the units he blows up are from enemy bases so it's no skin off their nose if they're gone, Irish wouldn't be as stupid as to try and blow up his own sides units and he still does mission objectives anyway. It's just that theirs more explosions than they thought there would be
I see... So he's just being a brat? Well that sucks...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Eratas123 View Post
3. Irish also doesn't try steal IS academy secrets, why would he? He already knows how to demolish units so he wouldn't try to get anymore blueprints. Like I said, he doesn't want to risk Joshua's health by doing something that might piss of FRACTURE.
What other intel is he after that can be found in ISA?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Eratas123 View Post
4. The war happened previously and right now the world is okay. The war is something the three protagonists are trying to prevent from happening in the first place in each of their scenarios.
I see.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Eratas123 View Post
5. How would he get a power line? The fight takes place in IS academy and I haven't seen any power lines there at all.
That's even easier. He could steal/hide a plasma disrupter from the armory and lure Karon towards it. I suppose his armor can use IS weapons in a limited way can he? If not, a plasma disrupter mounted on a Hummer hidden in an alleyway as a back up plan provided by FRACTURE could cover the event that he manages to get an IS chasing him.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Eratas123 View Post
6. Militant female classmates? That class must be really down the toilet if that's the case Maybe I'll do a scene where the three male leads are challenged to something and the penalty for losing is...deadly...to say the least.
Its just 3 of them who are really anti-men (thankfully), but I can certainly see one of them eager to shoot Irish in the head for blowing up stuff in their hangar (and most probably hitting 1-2's units). Furthermore, if he accidentally injures one of their classmates (there's an biker chick who usually hangs out in the hangar tending to her Kawasaki IS, I forgot who was it), they'd be baying for his blood, bad.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Eratas123 View Post
7. How does Maximillian deal with a class of militant man-haters? Must suck to be him
He barely does. Most of the class are just meh for men so their militancy is diluted, and there's Rachel Browning to control them for the time being. So he gets by.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Eratas123 View Post
8. Why would Karon try so hard to persuade Irish? She might've seen his past but I doubt that's enough to risk his life for him by taking a bullet for him?
Now that I know the facts, she'd be trying to convince him that not all IS, and even all their pilots, are bad.

She then sensed that shot was aimed for his head, so on instinct just moved to intercept it on principle. Though it then becomes a implied evidence that not all pilots are bad as well.
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Old 2011-10-06, 21:48   Link #2327
ZeroXSEED
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Bored and do some research....

Spoiler for Houki Ending:


OH MAY GAWD!!
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Old 2011-10-06, 22:30   Link #2328
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I also have time tom, I guess i'll discuss with Zero what to include in chapter 10.
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Old 2011-10-06, 22:35   Link #2329
MeisterBabylon
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ZeroXSEED View Post
Bored and do some research....

Spoiler for Houki Ending:


OH MAY GAWD!!
a) Manly!Ichika does not compute. But damn, if only...

b) HOUKI-NEE SCORES!!

*sees Karon jumping around doing some weird rendition of a victory dance*

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Old 2011-10-06, 23:14   Link #2330
ZeroXSEED
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You know what? Yamada-sensei is writing a shounen manga....

Don't believe me?

Excuse me to post it

Chapter 10 is 10% and go, I'm saving my GN particles here....
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Old 2011-10-06, 23:21   Link #2331
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Almost done with crappy Irish vs Karon fight, will post first draft soon.
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Old 2011-10-06, 23:24   Link #2332
Masuzu
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ZeroXSEED View Post
Bored and do some research....

Spoiler for Houki Ending:


OH MAY GAWD!!
Where did you get that?

I doubt it's real though.
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Old 2011-10-06, 23:28   Link #2333
ZeroXSEED
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Originally Posted by Detective-san View Post
Where did you get that?

I doubt it's real though.
Get bored and digging my collection of old, battered CD-R...finding some archived H-manga inside, reading it and just realize-

ZeroXSEED: *Dramatic tension* "Isn't that....Ichika and Houki?!"

Freakin seriously, this predates the official manga too.

But seriously, the character design suit me more than even the legit I.S. Manga. They look suck with those flat nose and big eyes.
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Old 2011-10-07, 02:38   Link #2334
Eratas123
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@ Meister and Zero - Here's my draft for the Karon vs Irish fight. I'll probably rewrite it at some point but tell me what you guys think.

BTW, I suck at writing action scenes in both first person POV and in general

Spoiler:


*Irish proceeds to get his ass royally kicked.*

Irish is a douche isn't he? Anyway, please read and review this crappy draft and I hope to write a better one soon.

@Meister- I'm having fun too Thanks for answering

1. Irish IS a brat, look at the draft and see for yourself.

2. Irish's mission right now is Joshua's freedom, he wouldn't jeapordize that for any
blueprints or info from IS academy.

3. The suit causes his stunted body structure. The reason his body looks so girly on the other hand is because it was meant to be an IS pilot suit. Thankfully since the suit made his body light so he's very acrobatic.

4. He destroys the inactive IS units during missions, he doesn't ignore mission objectives for them though.

5. Irish may be OOC in the draft but that's because he's panicked and pissed at the same time

6. What are Karon's and the ISper's missions about?

7. Does Karon see some kind of kindred spirit in Irish or something? She seems to be trying hard to convince him.
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Old 2011-10-07, 05:56   Link #2335
StratoSpear
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ZeroXSEED View Post
Some sort of Combat-specialist I.S. / Mass-Produced I.S. (if I'm not wrong) made for his space-something OCs.

MeisterBabylon has a habit of mixing influences of various media, though especially from Gundams. This may confuse a new reader (like me).

Once you understand though, his 'Fanon' is quite compelling.
Ah, that's pretty nice. The initial draft of the Minerva's helmet looked plain so I decided to redesign it... and that lead to me redesigning the entire Minerva so that it has a possible Fold form.

Before I wrote the fic, I only had a blurry image of what the Minerva is. Hence, I had some difficulties trying to make sure whatever about the Minerva that's stated in the fanfic is also reflected on the sketch. :P


Quote:
Originally Posted by DarkJak2050 View Post
Nice design. Damn shame that I can't draw, but looking at that made me realize that my readers would have an issue picturing my OCs combat armor they used when they were mercenaries. And they're going to be using it again later on. If I have to say, it would be similar to these:

-snip-

The armor Alpha Squad uses are not really going to change their size and height that much. It'll add about 2-3 inches or 4 to their size.
WOw... That's awesome! The designs do look good when it's worn by a team of mercenaries.

When I sketch the Minerva, I took designs from the initial draft, bits of Gundams and the head of Sideswipe (as in the Autobot in the Transformers films )

The Drone IS unit is also based on the initial draft of the Minerva, hence why you will find some similarities in their designs

Quote:
Originally Posted by MeisterBabylon View Post

A little pun.

The National Flower of Singapore is the orchid Vanda Miss Joaquim. The most famous of the IS made by the country (the first one built for gladiator games for Metropolis) 5 years ago was named after that flower. Due to space constrants, the unit bore the name "Vanda M. Joaquim" on its wings, which led MugenType magazine (the IS equivalent of NewType and NyanType) to dub it the "Vandam Joaquim". In a move of ascended fanboyism, the Vandam was subsequently upgraded into the first Armored Stratos with a unit named Vandam Joaquim Orchiris, the core unit becoming the Vandam Joaquim Stamen.

Even though the unit was quickly superceded, it had become the mother of several lines of Metroid IS, each one bearing the name Vandam, even though it was only the later models which had pilots wearing samurai-like tiaras. Karon's unit is a Vandam I-type, descendent of the Vandam O-type, which was in turn an attempt to convert the Joaquim for proper massproduction.

I think this was part of the I-type's history in Karon's profile, but I may have removed it during one of the earlier revisions. Either way, its going back in once I get off my bum to get it done.
That's one detailed backstory you have there for your OC's unit.

The Minerva is just about the first of its kind... probably the only one depending on how things progress for Inami.

The Minerva, as it is now, is purely an Anti-IS unit. It isn't built to defeat ISes, it's built to annihilate them. It's iconic weapon, the Mach Magnus, represents this purpose by penetrating barriers and physically damage the IS itself.

With the deadly power of its unique Comet bullets shown in Chapter 2, the Magnus serves as the vanguard for Inami's will to deter drone IS attacks.

One might imagine the severity of the Mach Magnus being used against a real IS unit with a human pilot...
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Old 2011-10-07, 07:02   Link #2336
wavehawk
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Rework rewrite. Start up again Chapter 2:
Quote:

Why did I ever agree to this?

Jaqcues Van Maark tried to keep a firm grip on his emotions as he watched the presentation ahead, not sure how embarassed he should be at the comedic pace of it. The brown hair was already a quarter-white with all the stress. As screens open everywhere, the manic pace of the presenter threw most of the media and other scientists off-kilter.

Tabane Shinonono tended to do that, what with the strange bunny ears she wore and absolutely oddball way of speaking. As Van Maark massaged his temples from the oncoming headache, he was spending more effort trying NOT to listen to that voice.

"...such and advanced design could only have been developed by the idol and genius that is me! Chuu chuu Uchuu kitta!"

I don't know what those words mean, but they're damned annoying, Van Maark wondered if he could borrow a couple of pens to stick into his ears. Rendering himself deaf would be a mercy. For all her genius, does she REALLY have to talk like a twelve-year old on a sugar rush?

Being on the design team of the exoskeleton, Van Maark was against reporting their findings and prototype to the world at this point. Shinonono insisted on calling the system <Infinite Stratos>, as it was to be a space exploration aid-literally a device that granted mankind access to the infinite vastness of the stars and sky.

That was when he heard one of the men in the audience speak up, a question Van Maark had been dreading they'd ask: "It can only be piloted by women?"

"Yes!" Tabane replied with a huge smile on her face. "I have no idea why, but it only works when women pilot it!"

"If only women pilot it, won't that limit its usefulness?"

"It doesn't matter! All you need to do is replace men with women!"

Oh lord, Van Maark wanted to sink into his own personal black hole. There was a barrage of questions followed by doubtful shaking of heads and disappointed, even angrily mocking chatter.

This is why I said we should have kept quiet until that bug was fixed! Van Maark started banging his palm into his forehead. Although he insisted on further research, to determine why the <Infinite Stratos> refused to function unless by a woman, Tabane simply went ahead and broke the news. We are now the laughingstock of the world. The project is doomed. All because you just had to brag, Tabane!

As the meeting turned into a circus, Van Maark finally walked away from his chair. It was too much for his considerable pride to take, all the effort he and the rest of the space exoskeleton research team put in reduced to a gag footnote in history.

He had taken but one step, maybe two, before he found someone who stood in his way.

"Doctor Van Maark."

"Yes?" He replied. It was a woman whom Van Maark had not seen before, one with a gaze that seemed to belittle him. She possessed an athenian beauty-that is, tall and statuesque with an athletic build and the bearing fit for a goddess of war. Silken-black hair and horn-rimmed glasses framed a face of european bearing. The kind of woman that men found utterly beautiful and threatening all at once.

"As project team leader, what's your opinion of the <Infinite Stratos> system?"

Van Maark was taken slightly aback-the woman hadn't bothered to introduce herself, and yet he felt she was no journalist. No, she was adorned in a businesswoman's suit and jacket. Her bearing was not at all like the annoying press. An investor? He weighted his options quickly and responded.

"It's incomplete. I think Tabane jumped the gun, insisting on putting this out so early." Van Maark allowed himself a sigh of defeat. "That exokeleton is the key to humankind's future among the stars. Additional funding is needed to develop it further."

"It's more than just an exoskeleton, Doctor." The woman had an odd, wicked smile to her face. "It is the key to society's future."

"I think you have very high expectations," Van Maark smiled weakly, but fearfully. Something about this woman started to frighten him, set the warning bells in his head off. The instincts of his body told him to flee, but his will and logical brain refused. "What's your interest in it?"

Without another word, the woman decided to walk on-but not without one hand shoving a slip of paper into his. It was almost like a secret tryst, had it been less of fear that Van Maark was feeling.

What was that all about?

Finally, Van Maark managed to have a look at the slip of paper he'd been handed. Three words were scrawled on it, but it was the most terrifying statement the scientist had ever read.

-Tabane is lying.-

<--------------->

Why am I going through this experience? Kokuto Haruko cringed in spite of herself as she followed her compatriot through the streets of the small shopping mall. While she was not a shopping addict like most women of her age and income, there was no normal reason for her to dislike trawling malls.

Except when her partner <Ren> asked her to come along. Then it turned from guilty pleasure to an exercise in stress management.

At the moment, she and <Ren> were silently trailing the movements of Orimura Ichika as he passed the summer vacation time. Haruko was only along to keep notes, but more often than not she'd been shoved in broom closets, cafes, and other little alleyways by <Ren> 'to avoid being spotted' by Orimura's other companions.

"If you could trail him without being spotted, why in the world did you even bring me along, <Ren>?"

"Seriously, Kokuto. I thought you'd love the opportunity to go window-shopping." <Ren> smirked evilly, even as she bit into a crisp apple. The girl kept her baseball cap on, trading her jacket for a more practical shirt and jeans. Her right arm was covered in a muffler-like sleeve, concealing the crimson tattoo underneath. "And I thought you would enjoy stalking a handsome boy without his knowledge."

You're just saying that because you know it makes me suffer! Haruko bit her lip, suppressing what was either a moan of pain or a groan of impending disaster.

A noise stopped them, as the sounds of gunfire had erupted just across the street.

"What was that?" Haruko excalimed, then realised <Ren> had already gone ahead, in the direction of the noise. With an angry huff, Kokuto picked up her pace--but it was hard to run in heeled shoes, low-slung as they were.

By the time Haruko caught up with <Ren>, a crowd had formed around the site. <Ren> herself was standing to one side away from the crowd, arms crossed as she mockingly waited for her partner.

"Didn't you drink enough coffee this morning? That was slow."

"Shut up!" Kokuto managed to snap back with a wheeze. Taking another breath, she asked: "What's going on here?"

"Armed robbery, looks like." <Ren> looked oddly relaxed, as if she were contemplating the weather rather than the kind of violence implied by the sounds earlier. "I'm not too worried. It looks like Dunois and Bodewig are in there as well."

"Dunois and Bodewig are in there?!" Haruko stammered at the fact. "Then you've got to act, right? Orimura would get dragged into this mess, wouldn't he?"

<Ren> fixed a sleepy gaze at Haruko. "I said Dunois and Bodewig."

A couple of screams, random gunfire erupted. And then silence.

And then cheering.

"Messy, but effective. Bodewig must have started it." <Ren> tucked her arms behind her head and began to walk away, ignoring the jaw-dropped look of amazement on Haruko's face. "And Dunois is capable enough to keep her from going overboard. There's no need for me to act."

"The-that-those-" Haruko shook her head and followed her nonchalant partner, who had now stopped. "What was that all about?"

"It was a random encounter. You'll need to file a report." <Ren> was silent, staring now at the figure in a male IS Academy uniform loitering the area, a curious look on his face. "At least it wasn't as stupid as the water park fiasco between Fan and Alcott."

"DON'T remind me about that." Kokuto growled, then looked up.

<Ren> was no longer looking at the boy. Instead her eyes were fixed on a girl of fair complexion and mature form. Also in an IS Academy uniform, she had short hair the color of light ocean blue, with a folding fan in one hand and a smile as mysterious as her intentions.

The serpent-like eyes glimmered with thinly-veiled hatred.

"<Ren>? Is that who I think it is?" Kokuto quickly realised her partner's intentions and grabbed her shoulder. "Don't approach her, <Ren>."

"I'm just going to talk." <Ren>'s voice was colder than an arctic winter, enough to freeze the summer air that hung in the area. With a casual brush of her hand, she released Haruko's grip on her. "Wait. Here."

Am I supposed to believe that?! Kokuto mimed the words but made no sound, helplessly watching as her partner approached the girl with the fan.

<--------------->

The girl with the fan was aware of <Ren> as she approached without any effort at stealth. At this she was lightly amused, though she knew it was playing with fire to joke with this girl-she who had eyes like a snake.

Still, she could not help but quip lightly: "Not even a hello?"

<Ren> stood silently beside the girl, who was much taller than she.

"I see you've taken an interest in today's events as well." The hidden smile behind the fan seemed to mock her approach.

"Watching over Orimura Ichika from the shadows is my duty." <Ren> did not look at the other girl, instead eyeing the crowd and the media circus that erupted from the day's events. "Not yours, Tatenashi Sarashiki."

The eyes of the girl named Tatenashi twinkled. "That may change."

<Ren>'s own eyes seemed to hiss. "Explain."

"You probably shouldn't have made that mess with Dunois security troupe a few weeks ago." Tatenashi snapped the fan closed, cat's smile evident on her face. "Seriously. Most of the heads of security in Japan, and even a few in other countries think you went overboard with the Cousseran affair. It's raised some concerns over your suitability for this role."

"Suitability. Ha." <Ren> forced a laugh that was devoid of all spirit.

"I heard Dunois Industries were going to send in a prototype 3rd-gen IS to take Charlotte-san back, but apparently let Cousseran act first. What happened next, though?"

"It was necessary." was all <Ren> would say.

"Was it?" The cat's smile was still there. A smaile that infuriated <Ren> to no end. "The Johohonbu have spoken with the Sarashiki family and given their approval. As I am already enrolled in IS Academy, it's for the best if I protect and train Orimura Ichika."

<Ren> remained silent, so Tatenashi tried a different tack. "Do you want Tatenashi-onee-chan to pass on your love letters to him?"

"Do that and I'll cut open your throat where you stand."

"Really, you." The cat's smile finally fell from Tatenashi's face.

"Kutsuwagi Juuzou." <Ren> crossed her arms. "The principal of IS Academy is showing a little bit of favoritism, isn't he?"

"Now, now." Tatenashi replied with a light voice but without her normal cheer. "Your family and mine have been doing this for a long time. You take life too seriously.

"And you don't take life seriously enough." <Ren> replied back, with a little more ice in her voice than was normal. "This has nothing to do with family. Since you're also in IS Academy as a student, you don't have as much freedom to act behind the scenes."

"Oh, I actually do. I AM Student Council President, after all," Tatenashi opened up her fan again, cooling herself against in the summer heat. "On the other hand, you have no access to the academy itself."

"There was that incident with the Golem attacking IS Academy." <Ren> threw back. "I didn't see you doing anything about that."

"Couldn't be helped. That was before my IS <Mysterious Lady> was completed." Tatenashi's casual shrug showed how light of a threat it was. "There were other attempts to IS Academy security that I had to deal with on my end."

<Ren> replied with dead silence. Tatenashi did not answer further, as she recognized the tactic. Whoever speaks first, loses.

Unexpectedly, <Ren> quietly turned to walk away.

You can only win by cheating, can't you? Tatenashi craned her head to follow and call out to the other girl. "Best of luck, Storm-"

"Shut up." <Ren> snapped back as a viper would when struck. Her snakelike eyes coldly bored into Tatenashi's laughing ones. "Don't you dare mock my Father's name and title."

"I meant no offense."

"Every word out of your mouth is offensive."

"I'm only trying to be friendly." Tatenashi made a genuine effort to approach the other girl, but it was pointless. "I honestly wish we could work together."

"We won't." <Ren>'s heart was covered in armor, like a snake's skin shed constantly to protect itself. Her cold voice remained level. "Deal with it."

As she watched <Ren> walk away, Tatenashi could only shake her head.

"Does being a snake mean you have to bathe in venom every living moment?"

<--------------->

"We're going home."

"Eh?" Haruko blinked as <Ren> stormed past her, not even stopping. "But that incident. All those police. And that Sarashiki!"

<Ren> did not even honor the questions with an answer. She merely strode on, silent and bitter.

<--------------->

It had been more than a decade to Van Maark since he'd set foot in Japan. The clean, efficient movement of people and places interspersed with sharp and colorful images felt familiar.

The view was far from nostalgic to Van Maark.

Irony now, as he saw women ordering men around with casual brutality. Not long ago, Van Maark voiced his dislike of Japan's male-dominated society. Now it had been turned on its head in the ten years since the introduction of the <Infinite Stratos> system and its subsequent application to the world.

It's hard to say what happens. In some countries like America and France, the shift was subtle but generally did not change gender relationships. For countries like Japan those relationships were blatantly reversed. Still others, like Israel and most Middle Eastern countries, had absolutely no change at all.

You knew this was going to happen, didn't you Tabane? Van Maark felt a chill as he quietly and meekly passed customs. The fear for his life grew as he walked on. Strange I should come back to this place after so long.

In his pocket was that note, still there after ten years. Van Maark took it out, the crumpled paper well-preserved with the writing clear as day.

-Tabane is lying.-

Turning it over, his lips turned to a firm crease as he read a contact number. He'd only rung it once before ten years ago, curious as to who it connected to. Struggling with his rusty command of the japanese language, Van Maark took a minute to purchase a pre-paid phone before leaving the airport. Once he'd activated and confirmed the mobile number, he took a breath before dialling.

It was not a long wait, but it felt like forever to Van Maark.

"This is the front desk of Japan Defense Intelligence Headquarters (Johohonbu), how may I help you?"

<--------------->

The face was unforgettable, laughing eyes and ocean blue hair with a mischievous smile hidden behind a folding fan.

"How dare you."

<Ren>, all alone in that long-familiar field of grass blades. Through the green soft swords she could see the tall blue-haired girl laughing with a boy, teasing him in ways only a girl can.

"How dare you."

Skies purple-red with misery and the sense of blood scattered across the heavens.

The scene of the blue-haired girl and laughing boy was distant, like a picture on a canvas seen through a sea of sharpened grass. They were taller than <Ren>, and she looked at her hand.

"Why didn't you come find me?"

Her arm, short as ti was when she was but five years of age.

"How dare you."

Again, the pain across her right arm as lines drawn in blood tore through her skin. The mark of her family.

Her father's mark.

"It's just not fair."

Eyes awake and open to the night, <Ren> scowled as she heard a low drone. Her hand clawed at her pillow as if strangling someone, and indeed she felt like murder.

Haruko was snoring again.

Sitting up in her bed, <Ren> had more than once been tempted to catch a bug to drop into her partner's mouth. Preferably a cockroach.

It didn't happen often, as <Ren> usually slept at different times to her partner. But during quiet periods such as this, the noise was sanity-breaking.

Another loud, rattling snore.

"I swear, it's because of all that coffee you're drinking." <Ren> decided to step out of bed and wash her face. Summer was still in the air, and it made her cringe to wake up with sweat cooler than the air outside. Haruko often chided her for wearing jackets in the heat, but <Ren> needed them. Partly to hide the tattoo on her arm, partly to hide all the knives and blades she carried on her person.

The cold water refreshed her as it splashed across her cheeks. <Ren> did not switch on the lights, as she could see quite well in the dark room. Looking up at the mirror, she stared back at the serpent eyes of the reverse-image girl within.

"It's just not fair."

Haruko's snores could be heard all throughout the apartment.

"I'm going out, Haruko." <Ren> declared to the sleeping for as she picked up her clothes. "For your sake. If I listen to you any longer, I'll have to kill you."
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Old 2011-10-07, 07:39   Link #2337
ZeroXSEED
I am no one
 
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Inside your head
Quote:
Originally Posted by Eratas123 View Post

"You're wasting your time Karon, he has to be put down."

"Should've known this man was up to no good!"

I'm surrounded right now, I should've left when I had the chance. She was just trying to distract me.

"You were just trying to distract me weren't you?"

"No! That's not-"

"I shouldn't be surprised."

I grab the Jammer knife and hold it into a defensive position.

"Come and get me! I'll kill every one of you!"

"Irish, STOP!"
I Have this feeling that I'm going to hate some of those OCs in Class 1-2...

Speaking of which, are you sure this is draft? Just add a little detail and you'll have a complete part of the chapter, seriously.

Anyway, Sacred twins is 25% completed...
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Old 2011-10-07, 07:51   Link #2338
Eratas123
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ZeroXSEED View Post
I Have this feeling that I'm going to hate some of those OCs in Class 1-2...

Speaking of which, are you sure this is draft? Just add a little detail and you'll have a complete part of the chapter, seriously.

Anyway, Sacred twins is 25% completed...
In Class 1-2's defense he didn't exactly come off as completely sane when he BLEW UP one of their power stations

It's not finished yet The fight with the multiple units will be shown after and the curb stomp battle will be from Irish's POV His skull suit is reaching the limit so at most he could disable one unit before he's thoroughly curb stomped.

Squalls a bitch ain't she? I'm not sure what she's like in canon but she'll be a borderline complete monster in this fic

So how's the draft so far? I feel like I fucked up the flashback sequence.

Btw- HOW DO YOU WRITE SO FAST! You're one of the fastest updaters I know!
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Old 2011-10-07, 08:06   Link #2339
ZeroXSEED
I am no one
 
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Inside your head
Quote:
Originally Posted by Eratas123 View Post
In Class 1-2's defense he didn't exactly come off as completely sane when he BLEW UP one of their power stations

It's not finished yet The fight with the multiple units will be shown after and the curb stomp battle will be from Irish's POV His skull suit is reaching the limit so at most he could disable one unit before he's thoroughly curb stomped.
Ganging on a kid armed with a kinfe with I.S.? Sure, he's terrorrist after all, so it's jstified. However, they not believing Karon already made me stamped them with [BITCH] mark. yeha, I know, Karon is way too idealistic but still... Karon putting so much effort to convince him and all they did is breaking little trust he had? I guess you want to put them as more realistic, gray side after all...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Eratas123 View Post
Squalls a bitch ain't she? I'm not sure what she's like in canon but she'll be a borderline complete monster in this fic
Mmm, yes, I still afraid of some Leather Pants effect though...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Eratas123 View Post
So how's the draft so far? I feel like I fucked up the flashback sequence.

Btw- HOW DO YOU WRITE SO FAST! You're one of the fastest updaters I know!
As I said, your draft is a about 75% complete, just need some spices to be a part of complete chapter. The storyline so far is good.

Me? Fast? Well, I conserve my strength for weekends and going Trans Am when my particle is fully recharged after spending 5/7 days in school.

It's a remnant of the days when I was writing Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha fanfics, my fellow author update so fast I cannot cope with them at first (Some joked that Nanya, one of the renowned writer there is a robot due to her speed of updates).

(FYI like here, most of Nanoha writers is male as well)

Anyway, now that I remember your title...
What Lies in The Shadow....

Like, Irish' children, more human side lies under his war-torn, drama-chewing mental.
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Old 2011-10-07, 08:06   Link #2340
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I take it nobody likes how I portrayed Tatenashi here?
goes off to drink his sorrows away
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