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Old 2012-09-02, 05:28   Link #36321
ZeroXSEED
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Nevermind, looks like I'm going full drive with yet another fic, anyone interested please help me. Grammar, spicing the mood, anything.

It was the wincest AU story about slice of life (again) but this time withous mecha bullshit, but it's First Person POV. The cast as a whole is more or less based on Sacred Twins (so there will be OCs). What Kick start the plot is the arrival of Madoka to Orimura household... in less than sane condition
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Old 2012-09-02, 05:29   Link #36322
Eratas123
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@ Senpai -Sure, what do you need help with? I just finished my next chapter of "This Means war!", so I'm free for now.
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Old 2012-09-02, 05:34   Link #36323
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The opening scene is Ichika took a level in badass by completing a 100-man Kumite. Then went straight to Houki's national Kendo tournament.

Should I keep the characterization as normal or not?
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Old 2012-09-02, 05:39   Link #36324
Eratas123
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Make him more straightforward and less lazy.
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Old 2012-09-02, 05:46   Link #36325
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Less lazy is somewhat understatement, in fact, he might actually a mild example of broken ace.

In fact, this is the reason he cannot comprehend the kind of romance a teen has to experience... until he met his sister that is, which is another can of worm.

the main theme is a conflict about different kinds of love, how to distinguish them, and how they could overlap.
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Old 2012-09-02, 05:48   Link #36326
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So he ignores Houki, Rin, and Ran as possible romances?

Side note - Can a 15 year old drive a motorcycle properly?
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Old 2012-09-02, 05:51   Link #36327
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[Yawns]

Spoiler for Silverback "Strength Test":


Good night...
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Old 2012-09-02, 05:52   Link #36328
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@ Eras
Averted actually, Ichika's own plot is more or less subconscious quest for true love. (if that sound diabetic, don't forget that I tend to balance dark and fluffiness) But yes, Madoka more or less started it.

Yes, they can, very common in third-world countries like us, especially if the law enforcement is a bit lacking. However, the risk is that they tend to be more reckless than proper adult.

@ Jak
So at least they can carry Humvee individually, interesting.
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Old 2012-09-02, 05:56   Link #36329
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@ Jak - That's pretty strong

@ Senpai - So why doesn't he ask any of them out?

Side note - Can you hotwire a motorcyle?
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Old 2012-09-02, 06:03   Link #36330
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No, it doesn't go straight to that. Though indeed, he did spend time with them in what could be considered a date in all but name during the course of the story.

My plan for his character development is for him to grow actual motivation as well as understanding the values of different relationship.

Hotwiring is easy, just take time.
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Old 2012-09-02, 06:07   Link #36331
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so......he's like an empty shell?

Side note - Wonder if Saito should get arrested considering he jacks motorcycles every few jobs.
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Old 2012-09-02, 06:14   Link #36332
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Exactly

So he pull a Jackie Chan
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Old 2012-09-02, 06:21   Link #36333
Eratas123
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While Madoka's a yandere :x

Side note - A what?
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Old 2012-09-02, 06:26   Link #36334
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Disfunctional family in a nutshell, probably not as bad as Evangelion, PROBABLY.

I mean he pull this
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Old 2012-09-02, 06:34   Link #36335
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@ Senpai - What about their parents?

Side note - He steals a lot of things He ended up stealing a gun once in order to avoid a criminal from getting off free
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Old 2012-09-02, 06:38   Link #36336
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Much more stable really, but well, you know....

Kleptomaniac hero at it's finest
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Old 2012-09-02, 06:42   Link #36337
demino_hellsin
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If one would write character death. Who would have it coming?
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Old 2012-09-02, 06:44   Link #36338
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Autumn, no doubt.

Gotta go.
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Old 2012-09-02, 06:49   Link #36339
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Autumn first and foremost

Or maybe, Mauve shirt OCs
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Old 2012-09-02, 06:55   Link #36340
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...I kind of imagine then it would involve Squall professing that she only kept Autumn enough for kicks until she could get the real prize, Chifuyu. Or at least as close as she could get(Madoka)
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