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Old 2013-03-19, 20:58   Link #40901
ZeroXSEED
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I think Eras meant an OC
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Old 2013-03-19, 21:01   Link #40902
demino_hellsin
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That... that makes more sense


ON A COMPLETELY UNRELATED NOTE:
A bad guy that wants to finds his own planet?
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Old 2013-03-19, 21:12   Link #40903
agetreme
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Quote:
Originally Posted by demino_hellsin View Post

I'm not saying Fourze is incredibly dark but it IS a high school drama.
Just felt that the story can be handled better.

==
Quote:
You planned to reduce Ichika to a jawless head and spine then stick him into a cyborg body? Then make him pilot an IS as he ponders his past as a child soldier that loved killing and the future he wishes for which is to fight for justice that gives meaning to his killing without admitting he loves the kill?
At this point of time, I kind of pity Ichika. He is so bland that people need to kill, amputate, replaced, surgical upgrade just to make him interesting. Oh yeah, and his tragic back-story of being orphan at very young age, (overall) being a burden to his sister isn't enough and people have to make him slaughter somebody.

Make me wonder: Is there any way to make Ichika interesting without resorting to upgrading him to super solider or his Byakushiki? May be a little alteration to his personality (or in case of a sequal, he grew into certain personality by the end of 1st Season?)
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Old 2013-03-19, 21:15   Link #40904
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That's exactly my intention of him in Sacred Twins.... initially, now he's oh-almighty messiah with in universe plot armor, and it tortured him. Basically a deconstruction of Fangking's "Ichika as head honcho" as well as common "Pure hearted knight"

Thus the reason why I create mirror verse it's mostly 100% canon Ichika, with all his denseness and canonically bleak backstory, meeting his female self is more or less a metaphor for an introspection.
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Old 2013-03-19, 21:25   Link #40905
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Ichika is bland so that the harem can shine. Honestly the problem is that there are so many story elements but only a chosen few are allowed to take center stage. Everything else is swept off to the side but protrudes so obliquely that it's like watching a theater scene where everyone who isn't supposed to be part of said scene is sticking their heads, hands and feet out from the stage sides and the orchestra pit. In short each elemenbt is overall distracting to each other WQERWDFASDGSFVafbaeh
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Old 2013-03-19, 21:31   Link #40906
Strigon 13
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Well actually I think a lot of people don't sympathize not even a little with Ichika... hell that's the reason why I killed him in the prologue.

@age

Well there's a lot of ideas that can work without the whole "super soldier/plot armor a la kira" to make Ichika a little more likable. Just find the one that suits your story better.
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Old 2013-03-20, 02:21   Link #40907
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There are two types of harem story

> Focusing on the progression of the male protagonist, harem plot is either taking a backseat or integrated tightly into the main plot.
> Focusing on the haremmete and that, ultimately, the main character is there as projection of the audience. In this case the pointless circle of harem IS the plot.

The premise of I.S. is the first, but Izuru fail to deliver and the story regressed into second type anyway. I can see an attempts or two to fix that (Volume 3 and 6), but even that, the result still failure. He's at fault for most part, but both bureaucracy and market demand also hardly blameless. As plotless as it is, it climb the LN market without much problem.

Many I.S. fic writer that still try to use Ichika and went for type 1 story faced a barely filled white sheet to fill. You got a backstory and very basic semblance of personality, and that's it, the rest is up to the author.

Anyway, I think we can agree (or disagree) about it, so threw a new topic.

How about... your idea for Dunois corp expansion of portrayal
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Last edited by ZeroXSEED; 2013-03-20 at 02:39.
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Old 2013-03-20, 05:58   Link #40908
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Uh I'm already working on it

How odd that the Dunois involvment would come in due to the unwanted IS, Celeste.

Last edited by demino_hellsin; 2013-03-20 at 06:15.
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Old 2013-03-20, 06:17   Link #40909
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I did mean a discussion, but I suppose everyone want to keep spoiler or two anyway.
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Old 2013-03-20, 06:20   Link #40910
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Well I don't mind explaining my plans because it's a rough idea subject to change.

Basically at some point Dunois will want Clarissa's designated unit back after they learn she had pacified a berserk Chifuyu with it. I also want to delve into its development and eventual failure due to the rather odd flaw.

Basically a rise and fall of the company. It seems so one dimensional as faceless evil corporation undergoing financial crisis but still somehow sending Charlotte support.
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Old 2013-03-20, 06:45   Link #40911
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Wouldn't really call that one-dimensional seeing as, if I read that right, you're showing the story of a corporation through a prototype unit's struggling development while also supporting their Representative Candidate.

Can't really see the evil part yet though...

I'm rectonning the Astra for Athena from a feetless drone to something more... enigmatic in a sense:

Images
Sorry; dynamic content not loaded. Reload?

Twin beam cannons and an Exia-styled sword.
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Old 2013-03-20, 06:57   Link #40912
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Ah, I meant the original canon Dunois feels one dimensional. When it comes to my Dunois I'm going to expand it this way. The evil part is how they begin prioritizing the company over the product quality and just as they are in a hardspot, Charlotte waltzes in to their lives as an illegitimate child effectively pushing them further into a corner. The Dunois family begin to become hurtful against her, blaming her for ther problems they have. Charlotte's father, the current head, I don't know how to portray him so being neutral with both acts of cruelty and kindness is where I'm going for now.
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Old 2013-03-20, 19:47   Link #40913
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I chose two or three POV when it comes to corporations, especially Dunois. Different fic, different portrayal.

However, the main difference is the third person authentic portrayal of Mr. Dunois himself and the rest of his family.

> Sacred Twins version is, more or less, a complete madman beyond salvation. Not only he 'replaced' Charlotte's body with a synthetic-clone male version, but he also use the scrapped female body as literal pet, implanting another's girl brain on it.
> TLR Stratos version is more about a manipulative coward but otherwise redeemable idiot of a dad, he purposefully sending Charles away despite taking Charlotte from him... along with with large sum of wealth and a small note, hoping that the boy will take down Dunois family as revenge somehow (Charles did)

> Mirrorverse is more or less an aloof but very sympathetic dad, he tried his hardest to protect Charlotte, even if he putting cruel pretense to hide it (Cadet training, spy mission etc).
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Old 2013-03-20, 19:59   Link #40914
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Dunois can be handled in so many ways. Mostly thanks to Izuru never expanding on them. The things done to Charlotte feel more dickish than monstrous. I suppose that makes them faceless redeemably evil in my book.
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Old 2013-03-21, 00:30   Link #40915
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Hmm... combining the idea of typical fanon and Revengeance

the cyborg is not Ichika
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Old 2013-03-21, 00:34   Link #40916
demino_hellsin
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MGR is about reducing what should be people into little wet chunks via mid-air mincing. I'm not sure that'd be safe to mix with IS unless you're goi- ... Oh right... The standard fanon
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Old 2013-03-21, 00:38   Link #40917
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Not really, it's still I.S. related and more or less a mundane use of high quality black market cyborg system. (because no one else has use on it, even super-secret military black ops)

Growing a replacement body parts takes time you know

Lun: "You know what? They said Time is money, but you can't just use money to buy time..."

(The cyborg is not Lun either)
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Old 2013-03-21, 00:44   Link #40918
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accelerated cell growth and grafting? I propose such tech
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Old 2013-03-21, 00:54   Link #40919
ZeroXSEED
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It's only a matter of principle, the cyborg won't get his biological parts until he accomplish his goal. The spare arm already been there for quite some time, stopped growing and sustained by artificial life support.

Then again, while regrowing arm is easy, made it perfectly working is another story (ever heart the phrase 'rehabilitation'?). And accelerated growth brings much more complication and risk to that.
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Old 2013-03-21, 01:02   Link #40920
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but maintaining cyborgs are expensive. You'd think they'd want to reattatch the limb ASAP to minimize cost. O.o
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crack, fanfiction, ff.net, harem, incest-wank, is fanon, ocs, techwank, wincest, x-over ideas

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