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Old 2013-04-21, 08:41   Link #41621
Eratas123
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Yeah, but that's not what I'm talking about: The picture seems evil. All her other pics don't get that vibe.
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Old 2013-04-21, 09:12   Link #41622
ZeroXSEED
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Maybe Izuru knew about the misaimed fandom?

Hideaki Anno had his lesson, I think Izuru too
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Old 2013-04-21, 10:06   Link #41623
demino_hellsin
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I'm not quite sure whether you're describing Tabane or Izuru
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Old 2013-04-21, 11:04   Link #41624
ZeroXSEED
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Izuru always write Tabane as if she's really unlikeable

The Anime OTOH cutting all of her bitch-ass tendency and narrative exposition, made her somewhat funny side character instead of a neutral antagonist. The drawings only made it even worse.

hence I said "evil looking novel Tabane" is hardly a surprise.
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Old 2013-04-21, 11:10   Link #41625
demino_hellsin
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Mmm... I'm planning for Tabne in ISxFourze to build n astro switch in less than 8 hours to show Gentarou exactly how backwards his techniology is compared to IS. Also thinking if it's a good idea to completely separate the IS and the dark switches altogether. :/

Still coming to grips with volume 8 content.
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Old 2013-04-21, 14:39   Link #41626
DarkJak2050
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New crossover.

Fallout New Infinite (Fallout)

Edit:
Hey guys, it said that the ISA students are curious about guys, right?

If they see scars on their face, would that deter them away from guys?

Last edited by DarkJak2050; 2013-04-21 at 16:44.
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Old 2013-04-21, 17:55   Link #41627
ZeroXSEED
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Depends on the context of the current expression

If they see a guy with a scar, and frowning, they probably think of delinquents, and most will took a step or two away.

If they're smiling, as in, pure unsarcastic-noncynical smile, THEN they might be curious, because most probably it's an accident or something.
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Old 2013-04-21, 18:45   Link #41628
DarkJak2050
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ZeroXSEED View Post
Depends on the context of the current expression

If they see a guy with a scar, and frowning, they probably think of delinquents, and most will took a step or two away.

If they're smiling, as in, pure unsarcastic-noncynical smile, THEN they might be curious, because most probably it's an accident or something.

Well, okay. I think what you said first could be the case with my guys. But does it matter what they see first, either a picture of them or actually them?

And here's something that I felt that needed to be cleaned up. This is from chapter 7 in the 1st arc.

Spoiler for Ch. 7 scene (Before):


Spoiler for Ch. 7 Scene (After):


Which one you guys think is better?

Last edited by DarkJak2050; 2013-04-21 at 19:05.
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Old 2013-04-21, 19:51   Link #41629
ZeroXSEED
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Considering they're younger expies of GoW character.... I'd say they frown, A LOT, especially at the sight of females.

As for the draft, I see you began to use more narrative description than tech term, nice.

Anyway this the final product or not? If yes, you can add even more, er, flowery exposition. Minimalism and action don't mix all too well because the readers might misunderstand. For example:

Quote:
We both looked at the rubble pile as another explosion went off.
Why do they look at rubble while explosion is ongoing?

Let's change it to

Quote:
We both looked at the rubble pile and hide behind it, as another explosion went off shook the place destructively, throwing pieces of concrete flakes everywhere.
They took cover from an explosion, using a pile of rubble already there. I don't know if this what you mean, but when writing action, write moar.
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Old 2013-04-21, 19:58   Link #41630
Eratas123
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Note that being a "Perpetual Frowner" can be seen by some as amusing or even funny. A LOT of people poke fun at Batman for never smiling and continuously rib him on the overtly deep voice he has.
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Old 2013-04-21, 20:06   Link #41631
ZeroXSEED
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Not when he's four inch taller than you, has bicep half the size your torso, and most importantly, is in front of you, and two of you are hardly familiar with each other.

Yeah, it's depend on the situation. All in all, hilarity ensues.
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Old 2013-04-21, 20:09   Link #41632
demino_hellsin
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@zero: actually when writing action it has to be short and concise. Or else you mess up pacing. Action scenes are supposed to be fast. You need to somehow match that pace ASAP. Long explanations of action scenes are generally frowned upon as boring -_-

Though I am guilty as well... But I'm trying to fix this
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Old 2013-04-21, 20:12   Link #41633
DarkJak2050
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Here's the problem, the explosion came from the rubble pile.
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Old 2013-04-21, 20:13   Link #41634
ZeroXSEED
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@ Demi
I didn't say to use purple prose, just clear enough explanation of the action. Though you are right on the pacing issue.

@ Jak
Then explain it with everything, such as the location, the scale, and the effect of that explosion, so readers won't misunderstand.
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Old 2013-04-21, 20:19   Link #41635
demino_hellsin
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"Two pairs of eyes swept across the field. A pile of rubble exploding right as their gaze fell on it."
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Old 2013-04-21, 20:21   Link #41636
ZeroXSEED
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^ Like this

But with First Person mode.
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Old 2013-04-21, 20:23   Link #41637
DarkJak2050
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Hmm, perhaps...

Quote:
A small explosion went off from the side of the rubble pile, grabbing our attention and throwing small concrete flakes away from the pile.
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Old 2013-04-21, 20:26   Link #41638
demino_hellsin
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Well that's about it really.

How crazy is it to use a miniature black hole to power your machine?
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Old 2013-04-21, 20:28   Link #41639
Masuzu
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Didn't they do that in Turn A?
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Old 2013-04-21, 20:30   Link #41640
demino_hellsin
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They did, but the black hole wasn't the size of your palm
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