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Old 2011-11-12, 06:03   Link #7481
StratoSpear
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Quote:
Originally Posted by agetreme View Post
I thought Stratos say no out-of-body-experience for Inami?
"Out of body experience?" I don't recall mentioning that literally...


Quote:
Originally Posted by ZeroXSEED View Post
I mean by how basically Inami took over Ichika's role.... and that's not mention some of Minerva's abilities (supposedly Master of None type and not Jack of All Trades), superseded most Canon character who's Cripplingly Specialized and need to work together to utilize their specialty efficiently.
Not sure what's amiss, but Inami still allowed Ichika to deliver the final blow on the Silver Gospel.


Quote:
Originally Posted by ZeroXSEED View Post
Also, how he suddenly have an AI in the sequel is somewhat an asspul, for Tabane NOT to knew it is somewhat...weird, borderline stupid. Should I told him or not?
Shoot, bro. It's still at draft stage and I figured I'd just pour it here so I can draw opinions from people.

Quote:
Originally Posted by agetreme View Post
There is no need to change the fic though (too late), he can salvage it with some moment of glory for the canon characters
The only canon glory moment(s) for the canon characters during the period is them during the time period is:

- Defeating the Golem(not told in the story since it happens after the incident).

- Defeating the Silver Gospel, which Inami gets wound up badly such that he could only do so much but still let Ichika carry out the final blow.

Not sure what else I could come up with for the Academy students to take on since this fic tells the tale of Inami and his own set of problems which is not the Academy's to begin with. (Praxidike, while they attempted, they did not hurt/destroy/wreck any parts of the Academy.)

I can only let the canon characters do so much with him in his quest to take on Praxidike since, IMO, over-involvement would make the IS pilots look like a bunch of nosy snubs instead of genuinely helpful people that they are(and what I want them to be).

Quote:
Originally Posted by agetreme View Post
(note: Inami should not appear in the end and take everything).
He does work with the Academy students, not like he's a lone wolf and taking everything for himself everytime.

Praxidike is basically Inami's responsibility since he's the only one that has a direct conflict with the organisation.

Having the Academy pilots go all out on Praxidike would, as I said earlier, make the Academy pilots look like attention-seeking individuals.

Not to mention them moping up Praxidike would not make any sense since they do not have any one-to-one past with the organisation.(The failed terrorist attack doesn't count since it did not breach the ISA's grounds or hurt its students in any manner)

Inami's involvement with the Silver Gospel is due to him being caught up in it since Praxidike's drones were on the scene as well, notice how he went off to take on the drones first instead of going after the Gospel.

And yes, the Gospel attempts to approach the Academy upon the slightest opening given which is why Inami decides to stay and hold it off until the Academy pilots return in better condition to fight.

It's one of the changes I made from the canon story where the Gospel doesn't move when Houki retreated with the unconscious Ichika.

While it makes sense that the Gospel was trying to hide, I just didn't like how they left their target unattended like that.

It's a case of "What If" where if the Silver Gospel actually went ahead instead of staying still while the injured Academy pilots recover.
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Old 2011-11-12, 06:23   Link #7482
Eratas123
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@ Stratos - I know Inami is the main character, but that doesn't mean that you should ignore the other characters.

For example: The Gospel fight could've been Ichika and Inami fighting together instead of Ichika just doing the final blow. It looks a bit like a kill steal rather than Ichika doing anything significant.

Like you said, the characters do a lot of things. The problem being the fact that it's off-screen and not shown makes it harder to swallow.

Praxidike being Inami's responsibility makes sense though. But that doesn't mean the others can't help him. The Gospel was technically Ichika's and Houki's business but the rest of the harem still interfered. They're the type of people who'd butt in even if they're not involved just to help a friend.
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Old 2011-11-12, 06:38   Link #7483
ZeroXSEED
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@Stratos

I'm not trying to deceive you or anything, Stratos, I know that's my fault for basically said something unproven, maybe I missed something or actually spotting something that is irrelevant.

For example, I already told you that I go : because that's exactly my expression.

Basically if everytime I reread a fic, my perceives is a bit different, notice how much I lamenting about plot holes in my own fic in last two pages and loathing my own OC that hasn't leaving the draft board. Yep, sorry for putting your fic into a bias or something, maybe I had t reread it again to be sure. My next reply will be honest as diamond, really.

Honestlly, I'm sorry, and please don't hesistate to tell when I have to shut my rude mouth.
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Old 2011-11-12, 06:43   Link #7484
Eratas123
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@ Zero - Sent a PM to ya.

@ Stratos - How does Inami work with Tabane considering what she's done? I know he's nice but it's hard to believe he'd just forgive and forget so easily. Unless he doesn't know, which causes more tension.
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Old 2011-11-12, 07:13   Link #7485
agetreme
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Quote:
"Out of body experience?" I don't recall mentioning that literally...
You know what I meant.... You know Core AI talking to the people....

Reserve that for that special moment (like when Inami felt powerless and loss).

The Core's questions only strengthen his resolve.

Quote:
The only canon glory moment(s) for the canon characters during the period is them during the time period is:

- Defeating the Golem(not told in the story since it happens after the incident).

- Defeating the Silver Gospel, which Inami gets wound up badly such that he could only do so much but still let Ichika carry out the final blow.
Ichika and gang do very little in the fight. Like Eratas mention, it is more like Kill-steal than actual fighting together.

Inami taking away their ONLY on-screen moment of glory is really bad.

Quote:
Not sure what else I could come up with for the Academy students to take on since this fic tells the tale of Inami and his own set of problems which is not the Academy's to begin with. (Praxidike, while they attempted, they did not hurt/destroy/wreck any parts of the Academy.)

I can only let the canon characters do so much with him in his quest to take on Praxidike since, IMO, over-involvement would make the IS pilots look like a bunch of nosy snubs instead of genuinely helpful people that they are(and what I want them to be).
I don't mind little involvement with Praxidike, my major gripe is still with Sliver Gospel. Instead of being nosy snubs, the Canon characters looked really incompetent..... (not like they are very competent whenever Drones are involved....)
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Old 2011-11-12, 07:19   Link #7486
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Eratas123 View Post
@ Stratos - I know Inami is the main character, but that doesn't mean that you should ignore the other characters.

For example: The Gospel fight could've been Ichika and Inami fighting together instead of Ichika just doing the final blow. It looks a bit like a kill steal rather than Ichika doing anything significant.
Inami couldn't do much as he's already bleeding at that point. This pretty much robs him off any chance to engage in consistent combat, let alone carrying out a joint attack manuever with Ichika which requires a lot of focus and coordination, especially for a first time.

Growing weak from the bleeding, Inami doesn't have the luxury of focus and staying coordinated as it'll mean a high risk of death for him. (And he doesn't want to risk dying since he has his promise to keep.)

Resorting to something easier, he just mustered his last remaining strength to weaken the Gospel, creating opening is for Ichika to bring it down. Since Inami called for it, it's not really a kill-steal


Quote:
Originally Posted by Eratas123 View Post
Like you said, the characters do a lot of things. The problem being the fact that it's off-screen and not shown makes it harder to swallow.
Only for the Academy pilots', yes. Athena Bouclier is Inami's story, if I included stuffs done by the Academy pilots that has no relation to him(eg. school shenanigans), it would throw the pacing off.

As for the off-screen deaths of the Praxidike engineers Katori and Futtsu, I made it as such so that the revelation of Praxidike's true intentions will drive deep into Inami's emotions.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Eratas123 View Post
Praxidike being Inami's responsibility makes sense though. But that doesn't mean the others can't help him. The Gospel was technically Ichika's and Houki's business but the rest of the harem still interfered. They're the type of people who'd butt in even if they're not involved just to help a friend.
Hence why he allows Cecilia to volunteer taking on the drones alongside him. The others pilots just chose not to since they figured the Gospel is of a bigger threat and they know that Inami and Cecilia would be more than a match for the drones.

As for him being suicidal and holding off the Gospel on his own. He keeps mentioning that he's "looking for answers". This will be mentioned in future chapters but I'll pop it here in spoiler tabs just for info.

Spoiler for The "answers" that he seeks were:



Quote:
I'm not trying to deceive you or anything, Stratos, I know that's my fault for basically said something unproven, maybe I missed something or actually spotting something that is irrelevant.

For example, I already told you that I go : because that's exactly my expression.

Basically if everytime I reread a fic, my perceives is a bit different, notice how much I lamenting about plot holes in my own fic in last two pages and loathing my own OC that hasn't leaving the draft board. Yep, sorry for putting your fic into a bias or something, maybe I had t reread it again to be sure. My next reply will be honest as diamond, really.

Honestlly, I'm sorry, and please don't hesistate to tell when I have to shut my rude mouth.
Hey, no worries, man. I'm not angry or anything

(even though my posts might suggest otherwise... )

It's is my first fanfiction, so I'm aware that this will happen at some point, just that I need to be able to back up my pointers when they're in doubt.

I can help filling in on any doubts you may have with Athena Bouclier, just shoot.


Quote:
How does Inami work with Tabane considering what she's done? I know he's nice but it's hard to believe he'd just forgive and forget so easily. Unless he doesn't know, which causes more tension.
Inami doesn't know about it. He only knows that his parents died but it he's yet to be told how they were killed.

Moreover, while Gerald and Jinrai knows the answer to that. Even they do not know that it was Tabane herself that deliberately caused the missile to prematurely fire.

Towards the end of Athena Bouclier, Inami will learn about the nature of his parents' death. The fact that it was Tabane's fault will not be surfaced until either:

- The sequel fic
or
- I could come up with a decent scenario which doesn't involve too much angst such that Inami would just throw a punch at her face that very moment.
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Old 2011-11-12, 07:34   Link #7487
Eratas123
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@ Clears things up a bit Still, some comments.

1. Having Ichika do more thab the final blow would have it make more sense. Ichika could've helped Inami by being a tank and taking blows which the armor is weak against or something like that.

2. The Silver Gospel was the Canon cast's time to shine, it show's how well they can do when they're together. In Shadow I'm taking note of this and having Ochika and the Haremettes fight the gospel with minimal to no involvement from Kyuukai and Irish.

3. The Praxidike segments can be solely Inami's. The only real thing that confused us was the Gospel fight. If Ichika and the others aren't involved in Praxidike then how come Inami's involved in their missions/moments? It makes it seem imbalanced.
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Old 2011-11-12, 07:44   Link #7488
StratoSpear
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Quote:
Originally Posted by agetreme View Post
You know what I meant.... You know Core AI talking to the people....

Reserve that for that special moment (like when Inami felt powerless and loss).

The Core's questions only strengthen his resolve.
Ah, that. I did it because I needed it to be mentioned before it appears again for something major so that it won't sound too 'Sudden Deus Ex' when
Spoiler for Scene:


Quote:
Ichika and gang do very little in the fight. Like Eratas mention, it is more like Kill-steal than actual fighting together.

Inami taking away their ONLY on-screen moment of glory is really bad.
Since you put it that way, I'll agree that I didn't do much for the canon character's part and that Inami went out his own way to make an opening for Ichika.

Inami did it as such since he desperately wants to do something before he bleeds out.(He just can't put his mind off when there's trouble going on within his proximity, even at near-death. Though he'll still pull out if he knows it means death for him.)

Then again, the fic's not done. Odds are good that I'll try to come up with something for the Academy pilots to really work it out in tandem with the Minerva.


Quote:
I don't mind little involvement with Praxidike, my major gripe is still with Sliver Gospel. Instead of being nosy snubs, the Canon characters looked really incompetent..... (not like they are very competent whenever Drones are involved....)
I didn't mean to make them appear as such. Just that they've never fought against Praxidike's drones which are smaller and waay more mobile than they are despite having weaker defenses.

But yeah, I can understand why the battle with Silver Gospel wasn't well-received. I'll look into it.


Quote:
1. Having Ichika do more thab the final blow would have it make more sense. Ichika could've helped Inami by being a tank and taking blows which the armor is weak against or something like that.

2. The Silver Gospel was the Canon cast's time to shine, it show's how well they can do when they're together. In Shadow I'm taking note of this and having Ochika and the Haremettes fight the gospel with minimal to no involvement from Kyuukai and Irish.

3. The Praxidike segments can be solely Inami's. The only real thing that confused us was the Gospel fight. If Ichika and the others aren't involved in Praxidike then how come Inami's involved in their missions/moments? It makes it seem imbalanced.
1. Makes sense, though Inami wouldn't have it since it basically means he's using his friends as (shielded)meatshields. Not something that he would even think of considering when it comes to battle tactics since it endangers the person's life.

2. Noted as per my reply to agetreme's post.(above)

3. As I mentioned, he's already caught up in it and there's no way out. Moreover, he has personal motives.(In the spoiler tag)
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Old 2011-11-12, 07:51   Link #7489
Eratas123
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@ Stratos

1. That's what you call taking the bullet. I didn't mean Inami tells Ichika to be a shield. I meant Ichika takes the shots while Inami's injured and wothout his consent. Friends don't ask eaxh other to be shields but they'll do it anyway because they want to protect who they care about.

2. Okay, I see your answer

3. Then how about Cecilia getting caught up too? She fought the Drones so Praxidike might think she was involved even if she isn't. They're an evil org, every new potential target is always eliminated.
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Old 2011-11-12, 08:07   Link #7490
StratoSpear
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Eratas123 View Post
@ Stratos

1. That's what you call taking the bullet. I didn't mean Inami tells Ichika to be a shield. I meant Ichika takes the shots while Inami's injured and wothout his consent. Friends don't ask eaxh other to be shields but they'll do it anyway because they want to protect who they care about.

2. Okay, I see your answer

3. Then how about Cecilia getting caught up too? She fought the Drones so Praxidike might think she was involved even if she isn't. They're an evil org, every new potential target is always eliminated.
1. As he has been throughout past battles, you can say that Inami's that naive, coupled with the fact that he's bleeding out.

He just wants to get things done while troubling as less people as possible. (Which inadvertently means him accidentally taking the spotlight even though it wasn't his intention at all to do so.)

Then again, stuffs like that might happen as the fic progress as battles becomes tougher.

3. Already have plans for that. She voluntarily involved herself in Inami's battles due to.... personal motives. (She fell for Inami back during Chapter 4)

Moreover, she has the confidence to fight in tandem with Inami since they tag-team'd once before, against the drones back in Chapter 4 as well.
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Old 2011-11-12, 08:19   Link #7491
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@ Stratos - Just one left.

1. Inami bleeding out is precisely the reason why he can't stop Ichika. How's he going to stop him when he's faint from blood loss? Ichika does the same thing to save Houki in canon.
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Old 2011-11-12, 08:31   Link #7492
StratoSpear
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Originally Posted by Eratas123 View Post
@ Stratos - Just one left.

1. Inami bleeding out is precisely the reason why he can't stop Ichika. How's he going to stop him when he's faint from blood loss? Ichika does the same thing to save Houki in canon.
Because he has yet to faint during then. He knows he's in grave trouble and that every second means him getting weaker so he needs to get things done fast before he gets so weak that he wouldn't be able to do jack.(though at that point, he already isn't thinking straight since he's all out being reckless... but for the same firm resolve.)

He's quite resilient to say the least, while the pain is excruciating, it doesn't affect his resolve. When Ichika hints Houki about her injury in canon, she simply tells him to dismiss it.

Inami indirectly does this with reckless actions instead of words.
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Old 2011-11-12, 08:34   Link #7493
agetreme
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Location: Delusion world
Planned storyline:

Synchronization-Enhancing-Nano
Nanonite/Utopia/Dreamer/S.E.N/ Thousand Dream.
A Drug that make people hallucinated, dreaming about living out their dream....where everything is nice and wonderful.....

Spoiler for Spoiler:


An escapist's drug which make its user dream the wonderful dream.

The real purpose of the Drug lies in the nano-machines inside the drug which raise synchronicity with machines. The Hallucination is just the side-effect of the drug.

Spoiler for Spoiler:


Edit:
Spoiler for More information about above spoiler:


The reason why it is so addictive is because of the wonderful world it presented to its user who wanted to return to escape from the harsh world....

Remember that Druggie Rep? This is the drug she is using. While she is dreaming about being a princess.....dancing with a mysterious prince..... Her IS is going berserk and laying waste on her opponent until it's time limit/limiter activate.

----

Still haven't decide on the Druggie rep's nationality....

Placeholder name for her (I don't like to keep referring her as druggie):

Euphoria
>A quiet girl who does not talk much

>Always appear in a daze (side effect of the drug).

>A shy and timid person... (which is why it is so shocking to see her so violent in IS)

>Inferior complex which drive her take the drug to improve her performance in spite of her already high-synchronity with her IS.

>Consider rude because she never look at people in the eyes (due to shyness)

>She hate guys because she is always bullied by boys as a young girl (Pre-IS time)

>Fantasize about a handsome prince in her "day-dream"/ Drug-induced-
hallucination

>Have siblings who are over-achiever while she is just a normal girl. She can do one thing which they can't. She has a Grade A Synchronization with IS while they had a D (not allowed to enter IS).

----

Euphoria's IS:

It has two mode.

The second mode is due to a special system similar to Valkyrie Trace. This system is hard to detect due to the fact that when it activate, it does not go through drastic changes like the VT system.

Since it does not affect/strain the pilot and due to some political mambo-jambo, it is allowed, provided that a limiter is added. The limiter auto-activate itself when the opponent's shield energy is zero:

Normal: Normal IS mode with normal IS weapons.

Beast Mode:
The Leg transform into Digitigrade design which works like a spring whenever the IS is on the ground, allowing it to pounce.

Additional equipment added to the head, transforming the IS's head into a chomping machine while a mask protect the pilot (as well as concealing the fact that the Pilot is actually unconscious throughout the whole battle)

Arms transform into claws that can extend to reach its opponent (think Gurren Mk 2 from Code Geass because it is based on it. Only worst since it has two of them).

In this mode, it can access a powerful Special weapon:

Annihilator Claw.
Similar to Gray Scale, it use a blank round to power up and is an extreme close range weapon.

The Differences: The Claw fire a burst energy that is powerful enough to wipe out an IS's shield energy, along with clunks of opponent's armor with one direct hit. (Gray Scale still need a few more hits to take down an IS)

Think of it as the power-up version of Gray Scale

The problem with this weapon is: Like Gray Scale: it need ammo which means there is a limited number of time it can use. Unlike Gray Scale, it only has four shots (two in each arms).
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Old 2011-11-12, 08:38   Link #7494
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Spoiler for Scene 5:
Special thanks to Saintess for details about naval bridge layout.

And yes, the suspense continues...
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Old 2011-11-12, 08:39   Link #7495
Eratas123
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Ichika is reckless as well. When Houki told him to dismiss it, what does he do? He dive bombs to save her from getting attacked. But, it's your fic and your character so canon doesn't always come into play. I wish you luck

@ Meister - Nice Looking forward to more.

Side note - Karon's attracting her first harem member at the age of nine They grow up so fast *Sniff*

I'm going to sleep.
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Old 2011-11-12, 08:42   Link #7496
ZeroXSEED
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MeisterBabylon View Post
Spoiler for Scene 5:
Special thanks to Saintess for details about naval bridge layout.

And yes, the suspense continues...
DAMN IT JIMMY! YOU!

(Wait, ASEAN use Chinese designed Aircraft Carrier? I guess something simply would never change )
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Old 2011-11-12, 08:58   Link #7497
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@ Treme - Her name sounds really fitting But how come she dreams of a prince chraming while she hates guys? Isn't that contradicting?
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Old 2011-11-12, 09:00   Link #7498
StratoSpear
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Quote:
Originally Posted by agetreme View Post

Euphoria's IS:

It has two mode.

The second mode is due to a special system similar to Valkyrie Trace. This system is hard to detect due to the fact that when it activate, it does not go through drastic changes like the VT system.

Since it does not affect/strain the pilot and due to some political mambo-jambo, it is allowed, provided that a limiter is added. The limiter auto-activate itself when the opponent's shield energy is zero:

Normal: Normal IS mode with normal IS weapons.

Beast Mode:
The Leg transform into Digitigrade design which works like a spring whenever the IS is on the ground, allowing it to pounce.

Additional equipment added to the head, transforming the IS's head into a chomping machine while a mask protect the pilot (as well as concealing the fact that the Pilot is actually unconscious throughout the whole battle)

Arms transform into claws that can extend to reach its opponent (think Gurren Mk 2 from Code Geass because it is based on it. Only worst since it has two of them).

In this mode, it can access a powerful Special weapon:

Annihilator Claw.
Similar to Gray Scale, it use a blank round to power up and is an extreme close range weapon.

The Differences: The Claw fire a burst energy that is powerful enough to wipe out an IS's shield energy, along with clunks of opponent's armor with one direct hit. (Gray Scale still need a few more hits to take down an IS)

Think of it as the power-up version of Gray Scale

The problem with this weapon is: Like Gray Scale: it need ammo which means there is a limited number of time it can use. Unlike Gray Scale, it only has four shots (two in each arms).
Beast Mode sounds pretty slick, sounds like it transforms into like an awakened EVA-01, chomping things and all.

One question though, how does the blank round power up the claw's energy burst attack?

The Gray Scale revolving bunker uses blank round since the burst of power from the explosion 'hammers' the bunker's pointed stake into the opponent's armor/shield.
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Old 2011-11-12, 09:25   Link #7499
ZeroXSEED
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Now I remember that [Silver Lunatic], Yoshi's rifle also has magazine mounted on it. The shells packed inside actually appear as blank round, but actually sub-critical particle tank that can increase the beam rifle output by 150% to compensate with it's Moderate or even sub-par output when using standard servo unit.

And he could only bring 20 at once, separated in 2 magazines. And unlike normal rounds those cannot be regenerated. It can be reloaded if [Hirameki] is connected to other I.S.
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Old 2011-11-12, 09:29   Link #7500
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Eratas123 View Post
@ Meister - Nice Looking forward to more.
Working on it! Now things should move a lot faster.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Eratas123 View Post
Side note - Karon's attracting her first harem member at the age of nine They grow up so fast *Sniff*
Quote:
Originally Posted by ZeroXSEED View Post
DAMN IT JIMMY! YOU!
He's just ribbing around. After all, he's got a girlfriend already.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ZeroXSEED View Post
(Wait, ASEAN use Chinese designed Aircraft Carrier? I guess something simply would never change )
I changed it some time after I posted.

As I read about the limits of using twin body carriers, I modified it to be smaller and lighter, using the double axis to stabilize the ship without needing a deep keel, allowing it to have a shallow floating depth and better able to navigate the shallow waters found in the Foundation. Compared to the Chinese carrier, it only has 1 island and its about 3 stories off the flight deck, to protect sensitive command assets better. As there is no need to launch a Hercules from the craft, the Panglima-class is probably closer to 2 Nimitz-class carriers fixed side by side than the obscenely huge Chinese carrier.

Also unlike the Chinese carrier, the Panglima-class is rimmed by 12 heavy gyrojet guns and 5 missile launchers on each side, while the island has 3 forward and 3 aft Phalanx guns. It also carries 4 anti-sub Ospreys, 2 on the flight deck and 2 on the aft helipads on the hangar deck. It can carry a total of 100-120 fixed-wing and rotor aircraft.

So basically, I took the twin-bodied design in my head and tried to make it unique but practical.
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