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Old 2011-11-15, 20:54   Link #7801
Eratas123
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@ Rain - Leaving him alive would risk him alerting the facility, would he really take that risk?
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Old 2011-11-15, 20:56   Link #7802
DarkJak2050
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Tell that to Person With Many Aliases.

That fucking Fuckstick...
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Old 2011-11-15, 20:59   Link #7803
Eratas123
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@ Jak - Jasper does seem nicer compared to before. No cluster f bombs and actually gives reasons as to why he dislikes the story rather than just saying "This story sucks! Stop writing!"

Side note - Wonder why he hasn't reviewed my and Stratos fic yet.
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Old 2011-11-15, 21:01   Link #7804
DarkJak2050
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Eratas123 View Post
@ Jak - Jasper does seem nicer compared to before. No cluster f bombs and actually gives reasons as to why he dislikes the story rather than just saying "This story sucks! Stop writing!"

Side note - Wonder why he hasn't reviewed my and Stratos fic yet.
Yeah and him and other reviewers like "him" are mainly the reason why Authors stopped their stories, from what EthernalRain said a while back.
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Old 2011-11-15, 21:03   Link #7805
EthernalRain
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@ Jak: Person With Many Aliases? He gave me criticism, and I pm'ed him a few times. He helped me work on my writing style, which now, as I look back at it, really sucked. The formatting, plot development, I kinda owe him for the help. Jasper on the other hand, has flamed only the fanfics related to mine. Such as the ones by DMAsh and Hydriatus. But he's never reviewed the main story.

@ Eratas: If that's what would happen, he'd knock him out and take the guy to FRACTURE. After that, he'll leave what happens in their hands.
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Old 2011-11-15, 21:04   Link #7806
Eratas123
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@ Jak - That's true. Oh well, not like it'll stop me from writing Shadow no matter what he does.

Side note - Maybe he doesn't review Shadow despite using male OC's is because I alse wrote stories like Daydreams and Future imperfect?

@ Rain - So if somebody else wants to kill him, would he try to stop them?
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Old 2011-11-15, 21:12   Link #7807
DarkJak2050
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Quote:
Originally Posted by EthernalRain View Post
@ Jak: Person With Many Aliases? He gave me criticism, and I pm'ed him a few times. He helped me work on my writing style, which now, as I look back at it, really sucked. The formatting, plot development, I kinda owe him for the help. Jasper on the other hand, has flamed only the fanfics related to mine. Such as the ones by DMAsh and Hydriatus. But he's never reviewed the main story.
Then take a look at this...

Spoiler for His/Her Slandering:


That Fxxxstick doesn't understand that my Fic is practically a "sidestory" to the Canon. It mainly gives the fans of the Canon a view of IS Society, "expanding" their view of the IS Universe. The Canon doesn't really give that much info on how IS Society is like because it revolves around Ichika in IS Academy.

And another thing, after watching a few episodes of Beelzebub, I decided to use that as a small bit of reference to Project Silverback.
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Old 2011-11-15, 21:19   Link #7808
Eratas123
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@ Jak - The complain lt seems levelled more on the characters than the story. Notice that he doesn't say anything bad about the setting or the plot, just the fact that they're soldiers despite being so young. You already gave us an explanation as to why they're so skilled for their age, unfortunately this wasn't posted in the story yet so most readers don't know and wonder why these guys are so skilled for their age. Once you give the explanation, those complaints are rendered moot.
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Old 2011-11-15, 21:22   Link #7809
EthernalRain
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@ Jak: All our OCs have their individual flaws, whether we like to admit them or not. I'd personally suggest to tone down the swearing by a bit, and only include it when it's needed.
For example, to curb the fact that Kyuukai randomly swears, is that he acknowledges it as a bad habit, and is working towards curbing it. And like Eratas said, and like I said once before, more detail for the readers on the backstory of the team would be great.

It's your choice to take this advice or not, but then again, it's just my personal opinion.

@ Eratas: He'd give it some thought. Besides, it depends on why the person wants to kill the scientist. Say, if the scientist was being hunted by a mercenary or an assassin, he'd try to save him.

But if the person who wanted to kill him after the scientist say, helped commit mass murder, then the guy's as good as dead.
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Old 2011-11-15, 21:28   Link #7810
Eratas123
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@ Rain - It's Irish, he says it's to be pragmatic and that he'd alert the base if they left him. Irish is the most pragmatic character in Shadow, he doesn't care why the scientist is working fpr them or if he's doing it for good reasons.

Side note - I just realized something Ironic. Kyuukai basically makes Irish go through the same thing he did when he lost his dad. If Kyuukai wasn't there to stop them, Irish and Joshua could've disabled the bomb. By stopping them, he forces Irish to stay and distract him which means Joshua is unable to disable the bomb by himself and gets injured to near death.
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Old 2011-11-15, 21:32   Link #7811
DarkJak2050
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I've been thinking about their back-story since I first started this, all the way to the point to where I want to reveal it in the story itself. Right now, I'm not sure where and when I should reveal it. I'm basically waiting for the right moment to reveal their back-stories.
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Old 2011-11-15, 21:33   Link #7812
EthernalRain
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@ Jak: Understood. That, or you could have one of your characters dwell on his past, or encounter an element from his past, and then brush up on it to the readers.

@ Eratas: Exactly. Which gives Irish a reason to call him a hypocrite.

Speaking of which, why doesn't Irish just tell Kyuukai he's trying to help disarm the bomb with Joshua?

Maybe, for example, the members who want the bomb to go off, would be fighting with Joshua, a firefight among the graves.
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Old 2011-11-15, 21:35   Link #7813
Eratas123
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@ Jak - Don't wait too long. Rain says why Kyuukai's so skilled in the first chapter, Stratos says so in his summary and readers can glean why Irish is so skilled when I showed him in a terrorist group. Waiting too long will bore readers which makes the reveal underwhelming.

@ Rain - Would Kyuukai even listen? He's been fighting terrorists all day, why would he stop because one of them tells him he's trying to disable a bomb?

Also, only Irish and Joshua want to disable the bomb. The members who disagreed have already been killed/knocked out by Ichika/Kyuukai/Irish.
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Old 2011-11-15, 21:42   Link #7814
EthernalRain
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@ Eratas: He'd probably grant Irish a few seconds to talk since Irish is younger than him.

But then again, the few seconds could be just a few seconds before the bomb goes off.

The bomb should at least be a technological, EMP with destructive waves. Joshua can deactivate parts of the bomb, decreasing the blast radius, but still is caught within what's left of the blast range. It would prevent the memorial from being destroyed, but it would still injure him and cause quite a bit of damage.
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Old 2011-11-15, 21:49   Link #7815
Eratas123
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@ Rain - This is Irish we're talking about here, he'd probably take those few seconds and use it to try and stab Kyuukai.

The bomb is called the "hellfire bomb". It causes a fiery blast that can take out several blocks and can go through IS shields depending on how close the pilot is. Joshua manages to limit it to the room he's in but it causes him major injury.

The bomb goes off as soon as Kyuukai manages to subdue Irish by holding one of his arms and placing a knife to his neck. If Irish moves to much his neck might get slit. When the bomb goes off, Irish relapses and breaks free from the hold but it causes his neck to get cut.

Kyuukai finds it unnerving since he seems to ignore the wound and doesn't say anything other than random words like "Joshua, kill, die" during the next fight.
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Old 2011-11-15, 22:00   Link #7816
EthernalRain
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@ Eratas: Kyuukai would probably go on the defensive during the fight, while trying to take Irish down while trying to figure out what made Irish the way he was.

When he realizes that Irish really is trying to kill him... Well, he'll also realize, that he and Irish will be warriors to the bitter end, and nothing will stop Irish until he fulfills his goals.

Well, until one of them is brutally maimed or you have another reason to stop the fight while medics find and take Joshua to the FRACTURE hospital in London. Have him (and/or Irish) meet Daniel Blanchard, the psychologist from chapter 13 of my story, whenever.
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Old 2011-11-15, 22:07   Link #7817
Eratas123
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@ Rain - Irish is unstable during the fight, nothing will happen unless Kyuukai knocks him out or manages to subdue him somehow.

The epilogue is actually a mood whiplash. Ichika and Kyuukai's end on a light note with them meeting their friends again. Irish's is him stuck in a cell awaiting interrogation while wondering what will happen now that the entire groups dead except him and (unknown to him) Joshua.

Side note - Just found an excuse as to why Irish looks so girly. The skull suot was made to be an IS pilot suit so the scientists made it to alter the appearance of the pilot to make them prettier. Np reason other than to give the pilots incentive to use it. Since Irish is a male, the effects took effect in odd ways.
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Old 2011-11-15, 22:14   Link #7818
EthernalRain
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@ Eratas: All I've got planned for my story, is about 30 - 50 chapters, and an "epilogue-ish" story starring Aria.

Say, how's the animesuki version of Future Imperfect?

By the way, responses shall be sporadic. I'm getting ready to leave whenever within the next two hours to get in line for the AC: Brotherhood release. I was at the MW3 release, and the Skyrim release. Now it's Assassins Creed's turn.
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Old 2011-11-15, 22:28   Link #7819
Eratas123
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@ Rain - Why is Kyuukai so popular in IS academy? Just wondering.

Side note - Good luck! I'll be getting that game come christmas
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Old 2011-11-15, 22:59   Link #7820
EthernalRain
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@ Eratas: He's a war hero, a prestigious engineer, somewhat of an underdog celebrity, and he's the only guy within a kilometre's radius, other than Ichika.

If he were just a random guy who was on the academy's grounds for some reason, he'd still be popular just for being a guy.

(Now I'm leaving within 10 minutes. See you guys! Gonna go there really early so my cousin and I can get our games and play.)
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