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Old 2011-11-19, 23:47   Link #8521
StratoSpear
Sir Spiral Sallet
 
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: The Elysium
@Eratas

I planned to, but depending how Chapter 10 goes at the moment, I might have to add one more chapter for the epilogue, We'll see how it goes.

The battle scene goes on for about 2100+ words, which is about half the full length of a typical chapter in my fic.

Here's towards the end of the climax(unless you want me to post the 2100+ words full battle scene )
Spoiler for Scene:


For added effect, you might wanna listen to this part of Mobile Armor while reading the part where Inami goes after the last warhead.

EDIT: Heading out for some sightseeing, will be back in maybe several hours time. Hopefully Zero reads this draft part during then :P
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Last edited by StratoSpear; 2011-11-20 at 00:04.
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Old 2011-11-20, 00:26   Link #8522
Masuzu
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68 views overnight? not bad for a half-assed one-shot.
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Old 2011-11-20, 00:29   Link #8523
Eratas123
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@ Box - Do you know when the OVA will be released?
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Old 2011-11-20, 00:32   Link #8524
DarkJak2050
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Novemeber 25, 2011...
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Old 2011-11-20, 00:40   Link #8525
Masuzu
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December 7, 2011
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Old 2011-11-20, 01:17   Link #8526
EthernalRain
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Join Date: Oct 2011
@ All: I NEED HELP!

For chapter 17 of HoTM, I'm having Kyuukai resolve his friendships/relationships with the cast and OCs! But I'm lacking ideas for scenes that aren't Laura's, Tatenashi's, Kanzashi's, or Cecilia's!

Here's the list of people (in order):

1. Chifuyu
2. Ichika
3. Charlotte
4. Houki
5. Lingyin
6. Cecilia (complete)
7. Kanzashi (ideas already greenlighted)
8. Tatenashi (ideas already greenlighted)
9. Akira
10. Tabane
11. Koyomi
12. Laura (complete)

HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP!
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Old 2011-11-20, 01:29   Link #8527
Masuzu
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I can help you with the main cast, but just how is it that you want to resolve them?
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Old 2011-11-20, 01:34   Link #8528
EthernalRain
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@ Detective: I'm trying to have Kyuukai establish his friendships to the fullest: if you've ever played a Persona game, then I'm basically trying to have Kyuukai burst his way to the maxed out social link.

Specifically, a touching moment, one where the two (person and Kyuukai) blur the lines of standard friendship, touch heart to heart, give a little guilt, and have the person become somewhat okay with the fact that one of their friends is leaving and may never, ever see him again, may never see him alive.

Something like that. Also, what do you think about this scene? It's Cecilia's, I posted it earlier:

Spoiler for Cecilia's scene:
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Old 2011-11-20, 01:51   Link #8529
Masuzu
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Ahh, so let me get a few points laid down:

1. He's leaving.
2. His relationship with the cast is relatively friendly.
3. The main point of this is to focus on a particular point in the character that people associate with them, and somehow reconciling this. (ex. Cecilia's cooking)

Did I get that right?
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Old 2011-11-20, 01:56   Link #8530
EthernalRain
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@ Detective:

1. Pretty much.
2. You've got it.
3. Somewhat, but somethings' aren't going to change. I'm not really trying to change those points in those characters, but I will for a few for dramatic effect.

In their eyes, there's a pretty big chance that Kyuukai's going to die. So both parties are at least trying to push for the goal: If Kyuukai's going to die, I'm not going to let his last memories of me be anything less than perfect.

And vice versa for Kyuukai: If he's going to die, he's not going to let their last memories of him be anything less than perfect either.
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Old 2011-11-20, 02:07   Link #8531
Masuzu
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I see, the character dynamics between them are becoming clearer.

I admit I've only read a part of your story (so many chapters, will read in summer).

That said, I don't have a firm grasp on your OC's profile, he's an engineer, somewhat related to Tabane, and a...soldier, maybe?
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Old 2011-11-20, 02:09   Link #8532
MeisterBabylon
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Hmm... I wonder if I made Cecilia appear too nice in this short... But I believe two 'nobles' would converse rather civilly, no?
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Old 2011-11-20, 02:10   Link #8533
EthernalRain
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@ Detective: He's 17, child soldier (more like a police operative), is Tabane's adoptive soon, and works as an IS technology/regular technology engineer.

When you do get down to reading it, I hope you like it. At last count, it's about at more than 128 thousand words...

I put a lot of work into it...
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Old 2011-11-20, 02:13   Link #8534
Masuzu
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Quote:
Originally Posted by EthernalRain View Post
@ Detective: He's 17, child soldier (more like a police operative), is Tabane's adoptive soon, and works as an IS technology/regular technology engineer.

When you do get down to reading it, I hope you like it. At last count, it's about at more than 128 thousand words...

I put a lot of work into it...
Exactly why I want to take my time when I get around to reading everything, your story is one of the most popular in the IS section.

How is his relation to Tabane, and what happened to his real parents?
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Old 2011-11-20, 02:21   Link #8535
EthernalRain
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@ Detective: Kyuukai's parents were Yukari Inoue and Daisuke Murakami.

He's an illegitimate child, his biological mother taking care of him while his father went off on a life of luxury and debauchery while he ran a legal arms trade organization.

Kyuukai (aged 2) and his mother were stuck in a hospital during the bombing of Sapporo during the First Conflict (basically World War 3 with IS). Yukari was speared through the stomach with a pipe from the ceiling, while Kyuukai was too weak at the moment to do anything.

Tabane and Ryuu Tokiwa (her husband in my fic), came to Sapporo for relief aid with his paramilitary organization. They found Kyuukai and Yukari in the hospital. Help was called for, but it was too late. Yukari had the chance to sing Kyuukai a final lullaby after blessing the couple as Kyuukai's parents. Tabane was taken with the boy, and soon, they adopted him.

Fast forward 15 years later, Kyuukai finds his father, and so, things happen, blood is spilt and teeth are broken.
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Old 2011-11-20, 02:22   Link #8536
wavehawk
O GALILEO LET ME GO
 
 
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This is what I wrote listening to Mobile Armor:

"The world you are living in now is built on the broken dreams and bloodied corpses of people who believed. So don't give me that look!" The old man spat the last of his chew tobacco, hefting the anti-IS rifle with his lone good hand. "I will destroy that belief you have in the world with one shot!"

There the boy cursed himself, helpless as the man took aim at Cecillia Alcott, two miles away but just next door to such a powerful gun.

"You can't do this. she's just a girl." The boy cried, not knowing if his words woudl mean anything. "She's wealthy, arrogant, spoiled--a wielder of the IS and one of England's greatest pilots..."

The old man was silent, lining up his sights on Cecilia Alcott's blonde head. The blue headband made for a perfect line of sight forhim to focus on. Without her IS, at this distance, the bullet wold shatter her skull in an instant.

"But at the end of it, she's just a girl!" He screamed. "Just a teenage girl like your daughter was! You can't possibly hold her responsible for what the Alcott family did to you!!!"

"I hold the Alcott line fully responsible for everything."

A pull of the trigger ended with a thunderous crack of a gun.
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Old 2011-11-20, 02:29   Link #8537
Masuzu
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Just as expected, wavehawk.


As for Ethernalrain, ahh, that's some very useful information, can't help but think that his situation is a lot like, but a lot unlike Charlotte's, no?
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Old 2011-11-20, 02:34   Link #8538
demino_hellsin
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so does my OC pass the stu test?

I only got Eratas approval so far.
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Old 2011-11-20, 02:35   Link #8539
EthernalRain
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Join Date: Oct 2011
@ Detective: Indeed, it is. I intend to have some mention of that in Charlotte's bits.

That, and I'm planning a meet the parents style chapter after all the serious bits that are coming up next steam over.

Ichika, Charlotte, and Kyuukai are going to France. Why? So Kyuukai can negotiate a deal with the Dunois Corporation to secure some more Rafales for FRACTURE's training core. Ichika's going because Kyuukai threatened to ship him in an airtight box if he didn't go to support his girlfriend.

And his girlfriend is going to confront her father.

Ichika and Kyuukai do intend to "talk" with the poor, poor man.
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Old 2011-11-20, 02:38   Link #8540
wavehawk
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Detective-san View Post
Just as expected, wavehawk.
- Might even use it in my fic. Most of my better scenes in my fics are like this: I get random ideas while on the train, listening to music, etc. I just need someplace to type them down, because writing them in a notepad does not work (my handwriting sucks and I take too long).

...and now that I've watched Unicorn Ep.4 I've got a lot of awesome but tragic consequences in mind. Hi hi hihihihihihihiiiii~~
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