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Old 2011-12-04, 09:05   Link #11241
ZeroXSEED
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Eratas123 View Post
@ Senpai - Okay, how about this: She already had the nano-machines as a kid but her eye wasn't golden yet. When the VT was implanted, her eye turned gold and she started wearing the eye patch to cover it. Her performance dropped which caused her to resent everyone around her, Ichika kept coaxing her and he started helping her with her training, she starts to get better until she goes back to her usual self, Ichika has to leave Germany with Chifuyu and he tells her to remove her eye patch, She's embarassed but does it anyway which leads to Ichika calling her cute, he gifts her a new knife and she declares it their "engagement ring" and that she's his wife, Ichika agrees and they go to kiss before......blocked!

Is it good? Any suggestions?
Perfect, you just need to note about the eye change to the readers, also, this is Daydream so it's justified.

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@ demino_hellsin - Harder to trust then. He reminds me of Axel from Kingdom hearts and Reno from Final Fantasy 7 and lord knows they don't look easy to trust at all.
Say that to their fangirls... Leather pants kicked in nicely!
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Old 2011-12-04, 09:09   Link #11242
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@ Meistah - Is Maximillian the only male? If so, he doesn't feel awkward at all running around with 100+ girls while he's the only guy? I don't care if he's chaste, any guy would feel awkward unless they were blatantly not interested (Ichika) or damn near asexual (Irish). Especially if you have teases like Browning and Louise.
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Old 2011-12-04, 09:16   Link #11243
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@ Senpai - The fangirls think they're sexy, they sure as hell don't trust them.

Anyway, what age do you want Imouto Shiki to look like? It's either child or teenager. This will change the tone of romance for the daydream arc.

Also, I need advice on how Irish looks as his body stops coping with the skull suit. Other than makiing him look more frail, what else can I do to make it look like he's getting more and more effeminate/bishie? All I can think of is making him look more curved and angled.
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Old 2011-12-04, 09:17   Link #11244
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Reminiscent of Axel and Reno? Well this is gonna be fun =))
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Old 2011-12-04, 09:20   Link #11245
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@ demino_hellsin - Just be careful. We don't need to see more asshole comments from Jasper.
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Old 2011-12-04, 09:20   Link #11246
MeisterBabylon
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Eratas123 View Post
@ Meistah - Is Maximillian the only male? If so, he doesn't feel awkward at all running around with 100+ girls while he's the only guy? I don't care if he's chaste, any guy would feel awkward unless they were blatantly not interested (Ichika) or damn near asexual (Irish). Especially if you have teases like Browning and Louise.
He's one of the rare males working in the firm, as it typically is when working in the idol industry.

But its then skewed even further by the IS bias.

That's why ISA is training for him, to eventually become a sort-of mentor figure for little girls everywhere.

But all the way, there is "President Kougami" and his going HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! to every single event in KG-P. There's also Gotou-chan and Akira-kun in the security detail. Let's not forget Eiji-kun and Tsukasa-kun the passing-through backstage roadie.

I think I'm forgetting some space otakus here...

Higsby, Browning's whipping boy, is present too.

And then you factor in all the cameo roles by my other male OCs from other fanons.

Max is never alone in bromance.
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Old 2011-12-04, 09:24   Link #11247
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@eratas: That's gonna be hard considering how uber Rong is just cause of his background. I neglected to mention this but Rong could probably go toe to toe with an IS teacher. not an all out win but he wouldn't go down being curb stomped like the others >.>
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Old 2011-12-04, 09:25   Link #11248
ZeroXSEED
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Originally Posted by Eratas123 View Post
@ Senpai - The fangirls think they're sexy, they sure as hell don't trust them.
Lol, they going so far as justify their less-than-morally-legal action with illogical backstory and justifying reason full of angst. Of course I'm talking about unreasonable fangirls here...

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Anyway, what age do you want Imouto Shiki to look like? It's either child or teenager. This will change the tone of romance for the daydream arc.
12-13 years, just look a little younger than Laura.

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Also, I need advice on how Irish looks as his body stops coping with the skull suit. Other than makiing him look more frail, what else can I do to make it look like he's getting more and more effeminate/bishie? All I can think of is making him look more curved and angled.
Angles? yes, Curves? no, please, no curves, that's not how it works....

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@eratas: That's gonna be hard considering how uber Rong is just cause of his background. I neglected to mention this but Rong could probably go toe to toe with an IS teacher. not an all out win but he wouldn't go down being curb stomped like the others >.>
Jasper and Personwithmanyalliases' fingers will be on fire and their keyboard will melt...
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Old 2011-12-04, 09:26   Link #11249
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@ Meistah - Glad to see he's not alone But he'll probably be the only one getting any since he's the harem hero. Every other guy would probably complain about it

Who are his closest friends though? All I know is Karon, Pillai, Louise (most likely LI) and Browning.

@ Senpai - 12-13? So the border of innocence then

Anyway, the bishieness won't be for long and it'll be subverted HARD later when he starts looking more like a zombie than a bishie. Hos breathing gets ragged and his looks become more and more unhealthy looking.

Okay then, what do you think Chifuyu's personality should be on the switch fic between her and Ichika?

@ demino_hellsin - This is the problem with dark OC's. Remember, this is a harem series! That's why I made the male OC in my fic the only one with NO power armor. As a result, he doesn't have the strength to power through problems and has to be smart about it.
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Old 2011-12-04, 09:29   Link #11250
MeisterBabylon
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Eratas123 View Post
@ Meistah - Glad to see he's not alone But he'll probably be the only one getting any since he's the harem hero. Every other guy would probably complain about it

Who are his closest friends though? All I know is Karon, Pillai, Louise (most likely LI) and Browning.
Pretty much the Founding 13, Chifuyu, Ichika, and some girls from his form class. Higsby is probably even closer, considering they are both the [Two-in-One Hentai Kamen] back in their school days.

Today... I feel like favoring Pillai. Dark-skinned girls gotta have their day. Tmr, I'll go favor Maya. Then I'll switch around some more and keep everyone guessing.
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Old 2011-12-04, 09:29   Link #11251
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@zero: Bah, they can bring it. If they don't like what I do then why are they bothering to check up on it in the first place?
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Old 2011-12-04, 09:34   Link #11252
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@ Senpai and demino_hellsin - Made an edit to post.

@ Meistah - Why is Max trusted as ateacher again? Is it just because he's a prodigy in electronics?
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Old 2011-12-04, 09:38   Link #11253
ZeroXSEED
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@zero: Bah, they can bring it. If they don't like what I do then why are they bothering to check up on it in the first place?
Because they expect something suit their tastes and fandom in general of course.

You may not know, but they don't even bother review me, but sending me P.M. full of hate just because something relatively trivial such as changed Char's gender.

I can skew the power level issue a bit because everyone (and their grandma) took a dosage of power mushroom

Meister has no problem with sues because ALL THE CHARACTERS ARE ONE

Fangking's version of 'one-eyed' Ichika is 'a little' OP (understatement of the decade), this is because the fic has dozens upon dozens of war-eating-awesome-shitting characters from Sengoku Basara.

Eratas' OC, Irish, is this thread's spoiled child because he's wrecked beyond belief that we can't help but pity him.

One will complain about an OC if he/she's so distantly special when compared to the rest of character. And in terms of I.S. fandom, OC power level, backstory, characterization, and share of spotlight are critical factors whether fandom accept them or not.
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Old 2011-12-04, 09:38   Link #11254
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@ Meistah - Why is Max trusted as ateacher again? Is it just because he's a prodigy in electronics?
In the game, the player can make him very perverted and get him in to all sorts of trouble. As long as you can avoid the bad ends, he can carry on, rather disliked.

In the "anime"/fic, he isn't as perverted as he can be. Max at his core is a good man, and the idols can see that when he works his butt off juggling all his jobs (teacher, soldier, commander, producer) when that is not required of him.
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Old 2011-12-04, 09:45   Link #11255
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Quote:
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@ Senpai - 12-13? So the border of innocence then


Quote:
Originally Posted by Eratas123 View Post
Anyway, the bishieness won't be for long and it'll be subverted HARD later when he starts looking more like a zombie than a bishie. Hos breathing gets ragged and his looks become more and more unhealthy looking.
As per my suggestion, yes.

Quote:
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Okay then, what do you think Chifuyu's personality should be on the switch fic between her and Ichika?
I vote for Tsundere-lite (Chifuyu is drunk)....
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Old 2011-12-04, 09:45   Link #11256
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@ Meistah - Still, at the young age of 19? Most teachers in Japan are 22-23 minimum. His age should garner some stares and questions.

@ Senpai - Fanking's version of Ichika is accepted because Ichika is hated by a lot of the fanbase to because most of the time he's a spineless, generic harem protag who has nothing new to offer. Fangking's version is funny and a fresh take on him so no one really minds. Besides, people in the reviews do comment on him being slightly/not so slightly op, it's still a funny story.

EDIT: Um, she's a 15 year old student in the switch fic. How would she get alcohol? Ichika's the only one who can do that since he's a teacher.

Side note - Who should notice the change in his appearance first?
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Old 2011-12-04, 09:47   Link #11257
demino_hellsin
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@zero: I'd tell them to complain to the author of the series itself. Dude's pretty vague about a lot of stuff so it's hard to make a proper basis and judgement on all the stuff they care about. It's even hard to grasp character quirks and mannerisms since the rapid fire introductions make them all so difficult to be determined as unique. This is specially in the case of fic writers basing only on the anime.

Bottomline though: they just hate OC's
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Old 2011-12-04, 09:53   Link #11258
ZeroXSEED
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Eratas123 View Post
@ Senpai - Fanking's version of Ichika is accepted because Ichika is hated by a lot of the fanbase to because most of the time he's a spineless, generic harem protag who has nothing new to offer. Fangking's version is funny and a fresh take on him so no one really minds. Besides, people in the reviews do comment on him being slightly/not so slightly op, it's still a funny story.
Yup.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Eratas123 View Post
EDIT: Um, she's a 15 year old student in the switch fic. How would she get alcohol? Ichika's the only one who can do that since he's a teacher.
Wait, sorry!

For switch fic, just make her similar in canon but somewhat more emotional, even if a little (think Kyon from Haruhi).

As for she getting drunk, let's say that curiosity kills...


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Side note - Who should notice the change in his appearance first?
Probably Maya or Tatenashi, those two are the most attentive one. If not, Charles then.
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Old 2011-12-04, 10:02   Link #11259
Eratas123
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@ demino_hellsin - They hate overpowered/show stealing OC's. If you're going to make an OC who shoulders his way to the spotlight in EVERY chapter then why not just make an original story? Also, no one likes reading characters who can already kick ass because they don't know why. There has to be a balance for everything and you need build up to make it believable. Notice no one really complains about Stratos and Rain's stories since they aren't one man armies who destroy the canon characters. The only reason Rong was called a Marty Stu was because he acted way too smart and knew things he shouldn't have.

Only Jasper and TheRightwayagain really hate OC's. Hell, Aliases even defended an OC fic once since he thought the character was balanced.

@ Senpai - So like a silent snarker then? I need to make her narration as ambigious as possible to play up the big bro worship.

Side note - Why Charlotte? I know she's crossdressed, but does that really mean she'd be able to tell?
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Old 2011-12-04, 10:03   Link #11260
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I think I covered this point before, but basically IS is such a recent phenomenon that fresh grads where pressed in to instructor roles during the early years. Therefore 19 is the starting age of IS instructors ever since...
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