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Old 2011-12-22, 12:21   Link #14101
ZeroXSEED
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Eratas123 View Post
@ Senpai - Does Laura act with Charles like she does with Ichika?
Laura's change is less drastic... but just as forceful.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Eratas123 View Post
I can imagine the arm bar scene with Charles spluttering in embarassment.
Unlike Ichika who's dense as brick, Charles is shy, but if something will please Laura or make them close, he'll do it. When Laura react to Charles by armbar him, Charles reciprocates.... and then Ichika wakes up as Houki is entering the room...

Ichika: "Yawn...Huh...."

Charles: "I...Ichika"

Laura: "Just wake up, you lazy bum?"

Ichika: "....WHAT?!"

Charles: "Umm, I can explain"

Houki: "KYAAAAH!! HOW INDECENT*"

Quote:
Originally Posted by Eratas123 View Post
Also, are Video game consloes allowed on campus?
Considering the SHIT Cecilia pulled on her room, why not?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Eratas123 View Post
Side note - Not Tsundere, Ice queen Those tend to be appealing to Otaku.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Eratas123 View Post
Also, with Irish's body structure, would he be able to pull of using those outfits.
Well, that's the problem...

EDIT: go to sleep as well.
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Old 2011-12-22, 16:00   Link #14102
Eratas123
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@ Senpai - What do you mean by just as forceful? Also, how would Charles reciprocate? Try to armbar her back? You have to remember where Ichika's hands were when he got grappled Speaking of which, Laura seems to be incredibly strong despite her lack of body muscle and the fact that she just woke up.

Side note - Why is it a problem? His body structure is feminine enough and the only problem would be his frontal underwear since he obviously has equipment girls don't. I can justify that to rule of funny, if not, I can just say his soldier is lacking since his hormone imbalance wrecked his body.

Also, I have a new short scene, please read if possible. I'm trying to add more detail.

Spoiler:


Please tell me what you think!
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Old 2011-12-22, 18:27   Link #14103
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Eratas123 View Post
@ Senpai - What do you mean by just as forceful?
Such as Laura sneaking in to Charles bed and refused to go until Ichika kick the hell out of her ass....

Quote:
Originally Posted by Eratas123 View Post
Also, how would Charles reciprocate? Try to armbar her back? You have to remember where Ichika's hands were when he got grappled
Charles managed to slip out and put Laura into a submission grapple, and considering she was naked... well...

EDIT: Houki's vision is worse, mainly because she saw them from an angle where they LOOK like they're doing THAT. Ichika is slightly better that he saw them from the side, thus he's more puzzled by naked Laura than the wrestling itself.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Eratas123 View Post
Speaking of which, Laura seems to be incredibly strong despite her lack of body muscle and the fact that she just woke up.
Indeed, my reasoning is that she has strong bones, durable joints, and solid but flexible muscles, meaning that she has the strength of well-trained grownup man and even beyond. Anime version of the flashback shown she thrown a German soldier (notably well built, probably twice her mass).

Quote:
Originally Posted by Eratas123 View Post
Side note - Why is it a problem? His body structure is feminine enough and the only problem would be his frontal underwear since he obviously has equipment girls don't. I can justify that to rule of funny, if not, I can just say his soldier is lacking since his hormone imbalance wrecked his body.
Cater to rule of funny then

Quote:
Originally Posted by Eratas123 View Post
Also, I have a new short scene, please read if possible. I'm trying to add more detail.

Spoiler:


Please tell me what you think!
Thats'.... scary....and tragic too.
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Last edited by ZeroXSEED; 2011-12-22 at 18:37.
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Old 2011-12-22, 18:35   Link #14104
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@ Senpai - I'm surprised he doesn't try to tie up Charles while she's at it By the way, who's her roommate now?

How does Charles deal with her nudity?

So she's the best rep candidate outside of combat I wonder if she's strong enough to move around quickly in body armor.

Side note - Is the content ok? Was it a bit too overdramatic?
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Old 2011-12-22, 18:44   Link #14105
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Eratas123 View Post
@ Senpai - I'm surprised he doesn't try to tie up Charles while she's at it By the way, who's her roommate now?
I haven't think about that, but the plan is Charles 'relocate himself' to Laura's room after Tatenashi barges in, much to Ichika's dismay.

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Originally Posted by Eratas123 View Post
How does Charles deal with her nudity?
Like Ichika, dumbfounded and stuttering, but since Charles is more attentive, he quickly realized Laura's misconception and explain it... but Charles's movement, coupled with Laura being a little sleepy, caused another misunderstanding about CQC and stuff.

(Yes, Charles complies anyway, since it benefits him, since naked Laura = skinship. Twin!Charles is somewhat a manipulative bastard in more ways than one )

Quote:
Originally Posted by Eratas123 View Post
So she's the best rep candidate outside of combat I wonder if she's strong enough to move around quickly in body armor.
Her body armor would be custom size and thus lighter than those wore by adult soldier.

[B]
Quote:
Originally Posted by Eratas123 View Post
Side note - Is the content ok? Was it a bit too overdramatic?
No, nope, no need for drastic improvement (but then again that's my personal opinion)
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Old 2011-12-22, 18:53   Link #14106
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Tatenashi still barges in here? Ichika's strong and confident enough that he doesn't need a bodyguard so what's her reason? In Shadow, Ichika's still a guy who gets lucky most of the time so Tatenashi still does it. Irish celebrates the fact that he has the room to himself.......till Karon barges in and says they're temp roommates. Cue Facewall.

At least Houki doesn't do her Houki Pouki attack after this one Though Charles being a covert pervert makes sense You can make them the beta couple.

I can just Imagine Laura and Irish sitting in Seiza position while being lectured by someone for proper nudity taboos. This comes from the fact that she asked him to help her fit the swimsuit for the beach school arc and they got caught since they weren't exactly being quiet.

Do you think that customized armor applies to all the Shwarzer Haze?

Side note - What about the writing style? I tried to focus more on detail and Character thoughts.
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Old 2011-12-22, 19:02   Link #14107
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Eratas123 View Post
Tatenashi still barges in here? Ichika's strong and confident enough that he doesn't need a bodyguard so what's her reason?
FRANKLY, even in Canon Ichika doesn't need any escort inside I.S.A., it's all Tatenashi's plan for the lulz (and fix her relationship with Kanzashi)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Eratas123 View Post
In Shadow, Ichika's still a guy who gets lucky most of the time so Tatenashi still does it. Irish celebrates the fact that he has the room to himself.......till Karon barges in and says they're temp roommates. Cue Facewall.
He's really lucky... or not.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Eratas123 View Post
At least Houki doesn't do her Houki Pouki attack after this one
She DOES berates Ichika for constantly looking at submitted, naked Laura than looking away, at least no Houki pouki here indeed.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Eratas123 View Post
Though Charles being a covert pervert makes sense You can make them the beta couple.
My plan from the beginning.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Eratas123 View Post
I can just Imagine Laura and Irish sitting in Seiza position while being lectured by someone for proper nudity taboos. This comes from the fact that she asked him to help her fit the swimsuit for the beach school arc and they got caught since they weren't exactly being quiet.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Eratas123 View Post
Do you think that customized armor applies to all the Shwarzer Haze?
I was talking about custom SIZE, Clarissa will obviously use standard size.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Eratas123 View Post
Side note - What about the writing style? I tried to focus more on detail and Character thoughts.
Yup, it's better, to be honest.

Going to school, see ya.
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Old 2011-12-22, 19:26   Link #14108
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Originally Posted by Detective-san View Post
Slow Meister is slow.

(Did I mention I'm also a Combat Gardener?)
I've been so focused on fighting and writing and plotting that I overlooked this.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Eratas123 View Post
@ Meistah - What did you expect? Karon's Singaporean. Erika's and Celeste are German. Tsubomi is Japanese. The Esquivel twins are Spanish. Ange is American. And Riselle is part Chinese. This even applies to the non-idols. Browning is American, Maximillian is Eurasian while Irish at least looks like a western albino. That's one of the most multi-national teams I've seen for a while in a fanfic and there are other idols too.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Eratas123 View Post
Side note - Just got another idea for some lighthearted humor in Shadow: Irish is supposed to keep a close eye on Karon, but he can't exactly always stay close to her. This is further complicated by the fact that they can't tell her manager or anyone except her. All the positions like make up etc etc have been filled and there's only one left: Another Idol. You can tell where this is going
Then let me tell you something good... This can work as-is, for historical records show that not only traps exist, apparently he is the most popular Idol amongst the fans of Idolm@ster:

Spoiler for Akizuki Ryo:


Also, in AKB49, the 49th 'girl' to AKB48 (also the protagonist) is also a trap.

So Irish has his work cut out for him.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Eratas123 View Post
Do male idols and female idols sing together or form a duet? If not, its off to the crossdressing antics again.
All angles work. Remember, Karon's forte is that of a band-type idol group. Maybe in this world, Irish takes the guitar and Karon does the singing, like angela.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ZeroXSEED View Post
Then again, we can say that toy ship is another form of innocence, plus Irish might be bishie enough, so Karon and Irish duet might attract a lot of positive attention and corrective critics rather than batshit insanity (unless it's from Karon's crazy fanatics which is jealous of Irish...)
Can happen.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Eratas123 View Post
What's the difference of male and female idols apart from gender? Also, you think anybody will catch on if Irish crossdressed as a female idol?
See above. :3

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Originally Posted by Eratas123 View Post
Then I guess Irish will fail as a male idol. Guy pretty much kills any sexual charm or tension around him. On the other hand, that's perfect for a female idol
Quote:
Originally Posted by ZeroXSEED View Post
Are you sure? He does make a good uke though... with or without male partner (Which means a field day of fanservice for female fans of Shooting Star).


Quote:
Originally Posted by Eratas123 View Post
Side note - Do fans really want to see male Yaoi idols on stage? Anyway, Irish has his menories here so he might break the uke performance if he gets sufficiently rattled enough. Do Tsundere's or Ice queens make good idols?
Quite bad idols actually. Kisaragi doesn't become wildly popular until after she lightens up. I wrote in the same way for Houki. Chiwa Saito and Rie Kugyu are famous for being in tsundere roles, but they themselves are one of the most bubbly characters (short of Yukari, who btw takes kuudere to a whole new level) IRL.

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Originally Posted by ZeroXSEED View Post
Well, if he doesn't do it too intensely and the situation quickly sorted, fans MIGHT mistake it for tsundere or ice queen act (remember they often blinded by shipping goggles and stuff like that)
Can happen.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Eratas123 View Post
Irish really sounds like he'd make a better female idol since he acts like a tsundere/Ice queen while in a crossdressed state. Do idols wear fanservicey or tight clothes?
Not necessarily. IRL, Kalafina wears only frilly gowns and full frocks to date, and everyone loves them to death. This was the design I used for the Riz, Houki and Louise unit, [crozius] using their powerful voices and singing talent to drive their popularity.

So you have either trap Irish in an idol unit (Akizuki-type), or normal Irish with a guitar in an idol band (angela-type). If he's that good at playing undercover, then both will be fine. Though I think him playing the 'cool guitarist' works better.







This is TOTALLY the cover for SHOOTiNG ST@RS SS ~Gr@vure 4 You~.
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Last edited by MeisterBabylon; 2011-12-22 at 19:52.
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Old 2011-12-22, 20:21   Link #14109
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Anyway, by the time V7 arc rolled out, Charles will be manly enough that one can't mistake him for a girl anymore (of course not to the same level as Dan or Ichika). This is because adjustment of complete and functional reproduction system took more than 1 year, compare to 6 months 'corrective' theraphy.
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Old 2011-12-22, 20:33   Link #14110
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@ Senpai - Canon Ichika needs it because he's an idiot Besides, it was official since the headmaster ordered it himself.

If not Karon, then most likely Maya. The room is only for students and he's only staying there since the owner of the room lets him. With the owner gone and no other student staying there, he has no reason to stay there so he has to stay with Maya. Cue more Facewall.

What did Houki expect him to do? He wakes up and sees his roommate being armbarred by a naked girl. Anyone would be surprised and stare unless they're really stoic.

@ Meistah - Damn that's a lot of replies!

1. The only reason he has to take the idol role is because he can't play an instrument to save his life. His voice is naturally good, though, so he gets a pass there.

2. No one is supposed to know he's watching Karon so he needs a cover. Anything apart from Idol or manager would make him seem suspicious since why would the guitar man hang around the idol other than practice? Fellow idols have been seen getting along, so no one gets suspicious there.

3. I thought shy Ice queens would be popular? I've seen people get ridiculous just because the idol acts cold and then starts blushing. Irish has a perma blush since he's crosdressing and singing in front of a crowd.

4. What do you think should be his costume? I'm thinking something black to contrast with his pale features.

5. How long does Idol training take place? I've seen 13 year olds do it so it can't be too overdemanding.
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Old 2011-12-22, 20:36   Link #14111
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So, what I miss? I know I've missed a lot.

And I am craving to discuss funny omakes at the moment.
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Old 2011-12-22, 20:42   Link #14112
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@ Senpai - Canon Ichika needs it because he's an idiot Besides, it was official since the headmaster ordered it himself.
Considering her performance and professionalism, I can't see why he would pass the idea (except the usual boy-girl stuff, unless he doesn't know Tastenashi is a cocktease ).

Ichika might not be that much of an idiot, less reckless, and more skilled. But he still a league behind the rest (since everyone is took a pill of badass themselves), and being one of the few men who can pilot I.S., and the fact that PT specifically targeted Orimura (Madoka is the first victim).

Quote:
Originally Posted by Eratas123 View Post
If not Karon, then most likely Maya. The room is only for students and he's only staying there since the owner of the room lets him. With the owner gone and no other student staying there, he has no reason to stay there so he has to stay with Maya. Cue more Facewall.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Eratas123 View Post
What did Houki expect him to do? He wakes up and sees his roommate being armbarred by a naked girl. Anyone would be surprised and stare unless they're really stoic.
Houki expect Ichika to be greatly embarrassed and looking away from the scene at least.
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Old 2011-12-22, 20:48   Link #14113
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@ Rain - I posted a scene up there. Can you tell me what you think of it?

@ Senpai - She's professional when she needs to be. Just look at her scene with the Headmaster and when they were discussing PT.

What if Ichika was worried and focused more on Charles than Laura?
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Old 2011-12-22, 20:51   Link #14114
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@ Senpai - She's professional when she needs to be. Just look at her scene with the Headmaster and when they were discussing PT.
Indeed. Tatenahsi also specifically noted it was her fault That Madoka ran away, allowing her to be kidnapped, and she won't let the same thing happens to Ichika. Nobody actually blames her tho.

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What if Ichika was worried and focused more on Charles than Laura?
Elaborate? By the time Ichika regained his senses, it was Charles who's put a submission on Laura.

This is why he's staring THAT hard, from his POV Charles look like he wanted to raep Laura, while from Houki's POV... looks like Charles already does....
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Old 2011-12-22, 20:51   Link #14115
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@ Eratas: It gave me some chills, in a good sense. It's a highly effective scene, and it's very well written.

Random side note: Any omake ideas cooked up in your head? I'm in the mood for lighter hearted discussion.
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Old 2011-12-22, 20:54   Link #14116
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Senpai - So Houki thinks the Super Soldier is being raped? Yeah, I think she should feels sorry for Charles.

@ Rain - Nope, not one since I'm busy trying to find Boethia's Shrine. Do you have any ideas?
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Old 2011-12-22, 20:55   Link #14117
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@Rain
There's a plan for faux-Volume 8, but it was dark so I think you'll pass (it was Ping's idea too)

@Eras
Only Ichika, Madoka and Charles knew her history as super soldier, Houki DOES know Laura is strong, but Houki ALSO knew Charles by no means weak. That or Houki actually think it's consensual.... hence why she cried "HOW INDECENT" instead of "RAPIST!" or "WHAT ARE YOU DOING!"
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Old 2011-12-22, 20:58   Link #14118
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Yet she goes after Ichika? I know she focuses on him, but that's a bit much.
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Old 2011-12-22, 20:58   Link #14119
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@ Zero: I'll pass then. Also, how dark are we talking about here?

@ Eratas: Wiki. I can't skim the location off the top of my head right now.

@ Both of you guys: Also, what are your ideas on an ISA film festival? Where the students film videos for a contest, and the winning, most popular video gets a prize?

Which could somehow involve our (un)lucky protagonists...
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Old 2011-12-22, 21:01   Link #14120
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Umm, the dialogue is incomplete. After chew Ichika and told him to look away, she then proceed to yell at the two, but Charles quickly pulled Houki outside and explain everything (once again because Charles is definitely far from dense).

It would be OOC for Houki NOT to angry or complain anyway, but she'll understand.

@Rain

As in "PT declared open war to I.S.A., Chifuyu killed by Kuu-chan, Tabane elected to one of Big Bad, Ichika goes to a revenge campaign".

Yeah, that bad.

EDIT: Film festival? Well, if anything, have an epic shooting where multiple fake I.S. (not as in PT unit, but robot shaped like an I.S., a functional props) is used in an epic war in the veins of Sengoku Basara, Dinasty Warriors or Samurai Orochi (I plan to have it as omake for TLR Stratos)
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