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Old 2011-09-28, 17:41   Link #1761
ZeroXSEED
I am no one
 
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Inside your head
Quote:
Originally Posted by Eratas123 View Post
The friendly fire quotes remind me of call of duty

Btw- What ZeroXSEED meant was that we portray child soldiers in a more serious way compared to how they're portrayed in anime and manga (socially akward teenagers with advanced weapon skills but none of the trauma to compensate for it) at least that's what I'm going to try to do. Your OC's seem perfectly sane and don't have any problems reintegrating back into society.
I Jak's case, the deconstruction might be that they're unable to live as PERFECTLY NORMAL teenagers anymore, they live inside conflict and by the time their team disbanded, they felt emptiness and sadness. There's no trauma, neither they went crazy. However, all they do is to ACT as teenager, not live as teenager.

I might be wrong, but that was my impression AS READER. The only thing keeping them from become Ali Al-Sacheez successor is the fact that they had comrades as emotional support.
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Old 2011-09-28, 18:35   Link #1762
falcolobo
The Third Runner
 
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: In my house
A teaser for what I'm writing for chapter 2.

Chapter 2 TEASER- All my Classmates are Female


I looked into the mirror as I started at my chest…or rather…something that was in my chest.

What I was looking at was a glass like orb that was glowing, softly. This was the IS core that was currently keeping me alive, keeping my life preserving functions such as heart rate and blood flow under control.

I had received it after I was caught in an explosion after I was kidnapped and held hostage at ransom.

“Keeping me alive huh?” I said to myself.

It was keeping me alive, but also dropped me into a troublesome position. I looked over to my left on a hanger was a black and white uniform- the uniform of the prestigious IS academy. I picked up the blazer and felt the material. Luckily it was thick enough to cover the light from the core, so I shouldn’t attract attention unwittingly.

As I pulled on the clothing my thoughts started to wander…about that day….about those…

“No!” I yelled out loud.

I couldn’t let myself remember, I just couldn’t.

That time had passed, long ago.

I put on the blazer and checked myself in the mirror again. I was right, the blazer covered up my core nicely; and I have to admit- I did look pretty sharp in this stiff uniform.

I walked out of the bathroom, picked up my travel bag, and left out the door….to the start the first day of my new life…in IS Academy.

How bothersome…replied my mind to this clichéd thought.

How agreeable…I replied back.

Well, there goes my normal life.



Quote:
Originally Posted by blitz1/2 View Post
Because there's hallucinogens inside the smoke? xD
OH NO! YOU RUINED THE SURPRISE!

Yeah, actually the pier that Ichika was held hostage in was a drug dealer hide out. The drugs were a new hallucinogenic that was cheap and easy to make, but extremely flammable. Due to lack of intel on the government side, it was assumed to be a food depot (which was actually the front of the pier). The IS was cleared to use beam weaponry....and I think you can fill in the rest.

The government told the news that it was the criminals who set the place on fire.

So government was lying!
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Old 2011-09-28, 18:55   Link #1763
Eratas123
Senior Member
 
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
@ ZeroXSEED- At least me and jak aren't completely the same My deal is that Irish has no idea how to even act like a teenager. He's constantly paranoid and acts abnormally around a normal environment (he always acts careful, carries weapons at all times, and hates physical contact with others) which will gradually improve as the story goes on. Ichika's conflict is personal rather than external . I have no Idea what to do with Kyuukai cause he doesn't seem to have any lingering problems other than fear of losing loved ones which all the characters have.

@ falcolobo- Ichika is darker compared to the canon counterpart. Though this is justified since he nearly got killed and is kept alive by a machine.
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Old 2011-09-28, 19:00   Link #1764
ZeroXSEED
I am no one
 
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Inside your head
Quote:
Originally Posted by Eratas123 View Post
@ ZeroXSEED- At least me and jak aren't completely the same My deal is that Irish has no idea how to even act like a teenager. He's constantly paranoid and acts abnormally around a normal environment (he always acts careful, carries weapons at all times, and hates physical contact with others) which will gradually improve as the story goes on. Ichika's conflict is personal rather than external . I have no Idea what to do with Kyuukai cause he doesn't seem to have any lingering problems other than fear of losing loved ones which all the characters have.

@ falcolobo- Ichika is darker compared to the canon counterpart. Though this is justified since he nearly got killed and is kept alive by a machine.
@ Eratas
Ummm, I meant both of you did a deconstruction via warfic, yours and EthernalRain's aren't the same either.

Anyway, just started writing chapter 9

@Falcolobo

LOL My wild guess is right!
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Old 2011-09-28, 19:12   Link #1765
Eratas123
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Join Date: Sep 2011
@ZeroXSEED- Just read volume 5 chapter 1. I have an Idea for a draft, I'll post ot later.
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Old 2011-09-28, 19:20   Link #1766
MeisterBabylon
~ Ping For Effect ~
*Author
 
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: The Golden Throne
Age: 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by ZeroXSEED View Post
MeisterBabylon: "I.S. is not funny enough, BRING MORE CRACK"

*Smokes*

"Thank you, you see That Tabane created VEDA by the time she's 10 and that class 1-2 is composed of mentally retarded that just crazy enough to integrate seamlessly"
This thread was mentally retarded when it was first created. The amount of drugs shared was epic.

But now you see what kind of class would make Huang Lingyi class-rep (in case you guys forgot that she's from the canon Class 1-2...)

In the rare Class Battles (much like Baka Test fights), Class 1-2 has the reputation of a rag-tag band of hooligans who somehow make it through. Because of their class rep "General Huang", Karon initiated the practice where all Class 1-2s would charge into a Class Battle wearing yellow scarves, calling themselves the Koukinzoku. Karon herself would carry a large Chinese war banner attached to her I-type's backpack.

*projects mental image of 30 odd IS standing on a cliff, banner flapping in the wind while Shenlong stands at the utmost forefront*

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Last edited by MeisterBabylon; 2011-09-28 at 19:32.
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Old 2011-09-28, 19:30   Link #1767
ZeroXSEED
I am no one
 
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Inside your head
Quote:
Originally Posted by MeisterBabylon View Post
This thread was mentally retarded when it was first created. The amount of drugs shared was epic.

But now you see what kind of class would make Huang Lingyi class-rep (in case you guys forgot that she's from the canon Class 1-2...)

In the rare Class Battles (much like Baka Test fights), Class 1-2 has the reputation of a rag-tag band of hooligans who somehow make it through. Because of their class rep "General Huang", Karon initiated the practice where all Class 1-2s would charge into a Class Battle wearing yellow bandanas, calling themselves the Koukinzoku (Yellow Turbans). Karon herself would carry a large Chinese war banner attached to her I-type's backpack.

*projects mental image of 30 odd IS standing on a cliff, banner flapping in the wind while Shenlong stands at the utmost forefront*


JUST AS I EXPECTED! it was your crack stash that made Ichika hallucinate in Falcolobo's fic.
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Old 2011-09-28, 19:40   Link #1768
Eratas123
Senior Member
 
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Have you guys read volume 5 chapter 1- They had something called the fight for Ichika competition where the winning club gets Ichika planning to do the same thing exceptnit will be the four males (Ichika,Kyuukai,Irish,and Maximillian) which will make it a crap ton more hectic. What do you guys think?

Btw- I wish I was here a few months earlier. I would've loved to see the massive amounts of crack
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Old 2011-09-28, 19:44   Link #1769
MeisterBabylon
~ Ping For Effect ~
*Author
 
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: The Golden Throne
Age: 28
If Ichika really did smoke my crack and became awesome, my work here is done.
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Old 2011-09-28, 19:59   Link #1770
ZeroXSEED
I am no one
 
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Inside your head
Quote:
Originally Posted by Eratas123 View Post
Have you guys read volume 5 chapter 1- They had something called the fight for Ichika competition where the winning club gets Ichika planning to do the same thing exceptnit will be the four males (Ichika,Kyuukai,Irish,and Maximillian) which will make it a crap ton more hectic. What do you guys think?

Btw- I wish I was here a few months earlier. I would've loved to see the massive amounts of crack
That would be good for ShipTease moment (between WRONG pairing, for the sake of comedy that is).

For example:

1. Tatenashi expected Irish to run into air vent system (since he's small), but she found Kuukai instead. And since they're not exactly the smallest person around...
2. Meanwhile, Laura is struck with Irish in ANOTHER airvent. Laura was informed that Kyuukai is hiding, they explore the vent together (more like Laura forced him to follow)
3. Some accidental pervert moment between Kyuukai/Tatenahsi and Irish/Laura, in first case, Tatenashi might just spice it (much to Kyuukai's disbelief and anguish), in second case, Laura is indifferent while Irish is stunned in fear of wrath.
4. Ichika meanwhile run for his lives because he's the only one hiding in ordinary places and was found easily...until Kyuukai and Tatenashi breaks forcibly from the vent using their weapon.
5. Laura and Irish getting out via the bathroom, and the girls mistook the two chibis for doing something perverted. Those two isn't the best when it comes to social and romance stuff so they misinterpreted the girls' teasing and innuendos.
6. Tatenashi accusing Kyuukai for 'kidnap and do something unwholesome' to her, of course Kyuukai is angry.

Just add some SERIOUS romantic moments after those oddballs incident...

Anyway, who's Maximilian?
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Old 2011-09-28, 20:10   Link #1771
falcolobo
The Third Runner
 
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: In my house
Just posting an update.

Ch 2 of Second Chance is done, just having it read by ZeroXSeed before posting.


SECOND CHANCE CH2 TO BE POSTED TOMMOROW
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Old 2011-09-28, 20:32   Link #1772
ZeroXSEED
I am no one
 
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Inside your head
Quote:
Originally Posted by falcolobo View Post
Just posting an update.

Ch 2 of Second Chance is done, just having it read by ZeroXSeed before posting.


SECOND CHANCE CH2 TO BE POSTED TOMMOROW
I send you a P.M. in ff.net as improvement notice, as introduction chapter, it's fine, you might post it today actually.
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Old 2011-09-28, 20:33   Link #1773
Eratas123
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Join Date: Sep 2011
@ZeroXSEED- Thats a great Idea! Though Irish wouldn't be stunned with fear since he's a chaste hero so he probably wouldn't even blink even if Laura and him were right next to each other naked Tatenashi screwing over Kyuukai is completely believable though XD.

Maximillian is the OC teacher for class 1-2.

I have a favor: Could you also beta my work? EthernalRain say's he's busy and you seem to know a loulot about the story so yoir help would be appreciated
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Old 2011-09-28, 20:49   Link #1774
ZeroXSEED
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Inside your head
Quote:
Originally Posted by Eratas123 View Post
@ZeroXSEED- Thats a great Idea! Though Irish wouldn't be stunned with fear since he's a chaste hero so he probably wouldn't even blink even if Laura and him were right next to each other naked Tatenashi screwing over Kyuukai is completely believable though XD.

Maximillian is the OC teacher for class 1-2.

I have a favor: Could you also beta my work? EthernalRain say's he's busy and you seem to know a lot about the story so your help would be appreciated
I'm more or less well versed in harem or mecha story, however I'm very bad at putting so many ideas together, it's more or less Blitz work to sort my ideas so I can put it in the story for real.

(not to mention my crazy grammar)

Mun hayang ngirim sok we imelkeun, ke dipariksa ku simkuring.

As for Irish/Laura incident, he feared that Laura misinterpret him for literally trying to attack her and he quickly apologize, so Irish doesn't know that the accident is pervert in nature.
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Last edited by ZeroXSEED; 2011-09-28 at 21:34. Reason: For privacy
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Old 2011-09-28, 21:06   Link #1775
Eratas123
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Join Date: Sep 2011
Thanks for the beta acceptance . I just realized that Tatenashi and Kyuukai kinda look like Shotacon/Lolicon now since they look older than they're age implies (Tatenashi does not look 16) while they're romance partners look younger than they're given age (Laura looks like she's late 13 years old while Irish looks even younger) might have paparazzi spread that around as a joke rumor later
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Old 2011-09-28, 21:17   Link #1776
blitz1/2
Tenshi's Defense Squadron
 
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Fighting against those who oppress the system
Quote:
Originally Posted by Eratas123 View Post
@ZeroXSEED- Thats a great Idea! Though Irish wouldn't be stunned with fear since he's a chaste hero so he probably wouldn't even blink even if Laura and him were right next to each other naked Tatenashi screwing over Kyuukai is completely believable though XD.

Maximillian is the OC teacher for class 1-2.

I have a favor: Could you also beta my work? EthernalRain say's he's busy and you seem to know a loulot about the story so yoir help would be appreciated
You need a beta?
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Old 2011-09-28, 21:25   Link #1777
ZeroXSEED
I am no one
 
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Inside your head
Quote:
Originally Posted by blitz1/2 View Post
You need a beta?
Here comes Blitz to the rescue!
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Old 2011-09-28, 21:27   Link #1778
Eratas123
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Join Date: Sep 2011
Quote:
Originally Posted by blitz1/2 View Post
You need a beta?
Yeah EthernalRain seems to be busy so I don't wanna bother him too much ZeroXSEED is gonna help me with story suggestions and general comedic shit
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Old 2011-09-28, 21:31   Link #1779
blitz1/2
Tenshi's Defense Squadron
 
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Fighting against those who oppress the system
Quote:
Originally Posted by Eratas123 View Post
Yeah EthernalRain seems to be busy so I don't wanna bother him too much ZeroXSEED is gonna help me with story suggestions and general comedic shit
Sure, PM me in fanfiction.net or send it to me in email. I'll PM you my email.
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Old 2011-09-28, 21:35   Link #1780
Eratas123
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Join Date: Sep 2011
@ ZeroXSEED and Blitz 1/2- Honestly, How old do Tatenashi, Kyuukai, and Laura look like to you? I'm sort of wondering about this...
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