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Old 2012-05-30, 13:00   Link #1
Kirito
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I'm having problems with a friend, what should I do?

I have an online friend who's always busy and I say hey and send him things. But, he never gets back to me, and I see him talking to other people normally like it's nothing. I send him emails and he always "claims" that he never receives it...I also write on his wall, but he never responds and it seems like he's ignoring or doesn't think of me as a friend anymore, and just talks and says hello out of mere cheap sympathy, and it upsets me.

I just sit there waiting for a response and he never does. He sent me an email after I emailed and talked to him weeks prior but I've been ignoring him completely because I feel like he thinks I'm annoying and a bother. He writes fan-fiction and I'm his number one fan, and I totally enjoy his work.

He told me that I'm one of his "best friends" in a mail he sent a couple of days ago, but I'm having a hard time believing it because if he were my friend he can at least say hi or pop a quick message to see how we're both doing. What should I do?
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Old 2012-05-30, 13:12   Link #2
Kyuu
=^^=
 
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
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Age: 35
Cut the bastard off. You're probably being used.

And what the hell? Based on your writing, this sounds more like a "relationship". Quit being so needy.
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Old 2012-05-30, 13:16   Link #3
Cold~as~Ice
this is how its done
 
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
just stick to being his fan not his friend. don't waste your time writing to him you got better things to do.online friends can never compare to real friends you've met in person
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Old 2012-05-30, 13:24   Link #4
Paranoid Android
Underweight Food Hoarder
 
 
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For future ref.

I personally think he carelessly throws around the label of 'best friends' and that you are at most an online friend. I treat mostly everyone that same way.

Spoiler for Evening schedule:

I don't know your situation. I'm just sharing my reasons for how I am. I get a lot of people complaining that I'm ignoring them. I simply don't have interest in taking time to chatting with them in a pointless direction.

Things that would get me talking would be questions, open debates, life-problems, something short and funny. My -best friend- (same gender as me) sometimes have instant messages that are 1-2 days apart. I'd be like "Waah I got in a fight with the architect again >: (" and he'd respond 2 days later like "what happened lol? Btw, I just watched chernobyl diaries, it was pretty lame" and I'd respond another day later xD

Best friends' (or any notable close friendship) should never be this one sided confusion. My friend and I talk like that because is consensual that we both afk/busy for ridiculous long periods and leave at least one computer on 24/7 to 'catch' those messages..
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Old 2012-05-30, 14:11   Link #5
MUAHAHAHAHAHA
Hail the power of Fujoshi
 
 
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There must be a balance in friendship, or else it will never work out. It seems like he is taking you for granted, because well, you might seem "too needy" to him-sending things, messages...He may think "Well, this is one friend that I do not have the need to always communicate with him, I am always in his thoughts anyway......".

Avoid sending any messages for now, and see if he gets back to you. So far, it seems like he is in the same position as you before-chasing after you and getting ignored. That to me is a pretty good way to let him know you felt in the past.
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Old 2012-05-30, 16:07   Link #6
Dr. Casey
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You should become friends with him again, I'm sure that he's just busy and still likes you a lot.

>_>

Quote:
just stick to being his fan not his friend. don't waste your time writing to him you got better things to do.online friends can never compare to real friends you've met in person
This is completely, utterly, 100% wrong btw
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Old 2012-05-30, 16:22   Link #7
word sux
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Join Date: Mar 2012
sounds like your a bit obsessive and that might be driving them away.
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Old 2012-05-30, 16:26   Link #8
Dr. Casey
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Deikan's a yandere? That's kind of hot
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Old 2012-05-30, 16:33   Link #9
MUAHAHAHAHAHA
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dr. Casey View Post
Deikan's a yandere? That's kind of hot
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dr. Casey View Post
Quote:
(to begin with, I have never liked her. She is like a wild cat that is impossible to be tamed).
Sounds sexy.
Haha, you like yanderes, don't you?
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Old 2012-05-30, 16:56   Link #10
Hiroi Sekai
Minna no ojou-sama~♥
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Lay it all on the line. Tell him that you feel like you're being ignored and are thinking of cutting him off because it's just a waste of time overall.

If he obviously opposes that statement and tries to keep you from leaving, then you might be able to work something out. If he doesn't really jump out of his seat to do something, then it's best to go through with it.
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Old 2012-05-30, 17:10   Link #11
Kyuu
=^^=
 
 
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No offense. There's plenty of "gay" going on. 'cause seriously. Friends between dudes online shouldn't go in this direction -- unless you actually want to.

Quote:
Originally Posted by papermario13689
Lay it all on the line. Tell him that you feel like you're being ignored and are thinking of cutting him off because it's just a waste of time overall.
Recopied for reiteration. This is what needs to be done.
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Old 2012-05-30, 17:48   Link #12
Hiroi Sekai
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kyuu View Post
No offense. There's plenty of "gay" going on. 'cause seriously. Friends between dudes online shouldn't go in this direction -- unless you actually want to.
Hey, go easy. It's just like if you have an idol who happens to be a guy; you show great liking for them, but it's not always like you want to have their babies.

My big concern is that he might be using this to his advantage, so I want to make sure that's the path that is avoided in the end.
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Old 2012-05-30, 17:53   Link #13
mangamuscle
formerly ogon bat
 
 
Join Date: May 2011
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Deikan View Post
What should I do?
Get a piece of his clothing and a Voodoo doll and ... err Forgive and forget, people change, in the real world friendships are not forever, be grateful of the good times and do not attempt to cling to a friendship that might now exist only in your mind.
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Old 2012-05-30, 17:59   Link #14
MUAHAHAHAHAHA
Hail the power of Fujoshi
 
 
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Age: 25
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kyuu View Post
No offense. There's plenty of "gay" going on. 'cause seriously. Friends between dudes online shouldn't go in this direction -- unless you actually want to..
Not really. It could be that Deikan is happy to have found someone on the same "wavelength" as him, or he's real loyal and sentimental when it comes to friendship. Like Sherlock Holmes and Dr.Watson. Or Batman and Robin.


Anyways, from my own experience, it's difficult to a great extent to maintain online friendships. I knew a couple of buddies who slowly drifted away from my life. It's sad, but it happens.
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Old 2012-05-30, 18:11   Link #15
ChainLegacy
廉頗
 
 
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: Massachusetts, US
Age: 25
Quote:
Originally Posted by Deikan View Post
I have an online friend who's always busy and I say hey and send him things. But, he never gets back to me, and I see him talking to other people normally like it's nothing. I send him emails and he always "claims" that he never receives it...I also write on his wall, but he never responds and it seems like he's ignoring or doesn't think of me as a friend anymore, and just talks and says hello out of mere cheap sympathy, and it upsets me.

I just sit there waiting for a response and he never does. He sent me an email after I emailed and talked to him weeks prior but I've been ignoring him completely because I feel like he thinks I'm annoying and a bother. He writes fan-fiction and I'm his number one fan, and I totally enjoy his work.

He told me that I'm one of his "best friends" in a mail he sent a couple of days ago, but I'm having a hard time believing it because if he were my friend he can at least say hi or pop a quick message to see how we're both doing. What should I do?
Just say what you said here. See what his explanation is, and if you don't buy it, you gotta just move on. It can be unpleasant to be so frank with people you consider a friend, but if you care enough to seek advice on the issue, you might as well just put the cards on the table and see what he's thinking.
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Old 2012-05-30, 18:25   Link #16
Cold~as~Ice
this is how its done
 
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
I bet you they already kissed and made up and are just laughing about it
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Old 2012-05-30, 20:12   Link #17
relentlessflame
 
*Administrator
 
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Age: 32
I'm going to lock this thread because I don't really think we should use this forum as a sort of group therapy session, or to work out inter-personal issues/disputes.

In general terms, though, I would just say to remember that everyone has their circumstances that you can't really understand, and no matter how much you feel a situation is about you, it may not actually be about you at all. Sometimes the best thing to do is just to send an encouraging note, and say you'll be available to talk when they're ready/able, and then just give them time and space. Keep moving forward with the things you need to do. The more you fret about the situation, the more suspicious you become, and that makes it even harder to work things out.

Anyway, that's all for now...
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