|2009-04-04, 06:36||Link #3923|
Join Date: Feb 2009
And some clean ones:
A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license.
First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician showed him a card with the letters:
'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'
"Can you read this?" the optician asked.
"Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy."
Four worms were placed into four separate jars. The first worm was put into a jar of alcohol. The second worm was put into a jar of cigarette smoke. The third worm was put into a jar of sperm. The fourth worm was put into a jar of soil.
After one day:
First worm - dead
Second worm - dead.
Third worm - dead.
Fourth worm - alive.
So therefore, if you smoke drink and have sex all day, you won't get worms!
|2009-04-04, 23:26||Link #3926|
Gundam Boobs and Boom FTW
Join Date: Dec 2005
SOME THINGS TO CONSIDER:
1. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir
Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned
out to be an optical Aleutian.
3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it
was a weapon of math disruption.
5.. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind
in his work.
6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be
7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for
8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum
9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are
looking into it.
12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said
to the other, "You stay here; I'll go on a head."
14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center read "Keep off the
16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital.
When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, "No change yet."
17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
18. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small
19. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a
20. A backward poet writes inverse.
21. In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your
count that votes.
22. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
23. Don't join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects
|2009-04-05, 08:19||Link #3929|
Join Date: May 2007
Location: New York
|2009-04-05, 10:32||Link #3931|
Join Date: Feb 2009
25. I had a fisherman's lunch the other day...he wasn't very happy.
26. My friend drown in a bowl of cereal, a strong currant pulled him in.
27. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis
28. When you've seen one shopping centre, you've seen a mall
29. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end
30. If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed
31. A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired
32. A will is a dead giveaway.
33. The dead batteries were given out free of charge
34. A thief who stole a calendar got 12 months
35. When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate
36. Police were called to a day care where a 3-yr-old was resisting a rest
37. To write with a broken pencil is pointless
38. A thief fell & broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal
39. A calendar's days are numbered
40. A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine
EDIT: Confucius say...
"He who stands on toilets is high on pot"
"Man who put rooster in freezer get stiff cock."
"Man who fart in church sit in own pew.".
"Man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day."
"Man who go to bed with sex on brain wake up with solution in hand.".
"Man who argue with wife in day get no peace at night."
"Man with athletic finger make broad jump."
"Never raise hands to angry child, it leave groin exposed."
"Man who lay girl on hill not on level."
"Better to sleep with old hen than pullet."
"Baby conceived in automatic car become shiftless bastard."
"War not determine who right, war determine who left."
"It take many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it."
"Man who walk through airport door sideways is going to Bangkok."
"Virgin like balloon...one prick, all gone."
"Man who drop watch in toilet have shit time."
"Man who take lady on camping trip have one intent."
"He who lite the fuse of love, get big bang."
"Nail on board is not good as screw on bench."
"Woman who slide down banister make monkey shine."
"Man who have hands in pocket, not crazy, just feeling nuts"
"Sex is like air, it not important unless you not getting any."
"Homework like a juicy steak -- rarely done."
"Everyone want to go to heaven, but no one want to die."
"Woman who goes to man's apartment for snack, gets titbit"
"Man who gets kicked in testicles, left holding the bag."
"If you want pretty nurse, you got to be patient."
"Woman who cook carrots and peas in same pot very unhygienic."
"Man who live in glass house should bathe in the basement."
"Man who walk through turnstile sideways only going to Bangkok."
"Man who pees through screen only straining himself."