|2006-03-08, 13:38||Link #482|
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: The night sky.
I think I had this one up before the forum crash. There's some pretty damned hilarious deaths.
And VG cats has another strip up based on FMA
I don't even remember where I got this one from, it must have been a long time ago. Mr. Sparkle will destroy them all!
|2006-03-08, 17:11||Link #483|
Join Date: Jan 2006
Applying for a job at the CIA!
A few months ago, there was an opening with the CIA for an assassin. These highly classified positions are hard to fill, and there's a lot of testing and background checks involved before you can even be considered for the position. After sending some applicants through the background checks, training and testing, they narrowed the possible choices down to two men and a woman, but only one position was available.The day came for the final test to see which peson would get the extremely secretive job. The CIA men administering the test took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow our instructions whatever the circumstances," they explained. "Inside this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her." The man looked horrified and said, "You can't be serious! I could never shoot my wife!" "Well," said the CIA man, "you're definitely not
the right man for this job then."
So they brought the second man to the same door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow instructions no matter what the circumstances," they explained to the second man. "Inside you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her." The second man looked a bit shocked, but nevertheless took the gun and went in the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes; then the door opened. The man came out of the room with tears in his eyes. "I tried to shoot her; I just couldn't pull the trigger and shoot my wife. I guess I'm not the right man for the job.""No," the CIA man replied, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."
Now they only had the woman left to test. They led her to the same door to the same room and handed her the same gun. "We must be sure that you will follow instructions no matter what the circumstances; this is your final test. Inside you will find your husband sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill him." The woman took the gun and opened the door. Before the door even closed all the way, the CIA men heard the gun start firing, one shot after another for 13 shots. Then all hell broke loose in the room. They heard screaming, rashing, and banging on the walls. This went on for several minutes; then all went quiet.
The door opened slowly, and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow and said, "You guys didn't tell me the gun was loaded with blanks. I had to beat the son of a bitch to death with the chair!"
|2006-03-08, 17:12||Link #484|
Join Date: Jan 2006
I.T. help desk!
Dear Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a
distinct slow down in the overall performance, particularly in the
Flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.
In addition, Husband 1.0 un-installed many other valuable programs,
such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5 and then installed
undesirable programs such as: Football 5.0, Rugby 4.3 and Cricket 3.0.
conversation 8.0 no longer runs; it simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, to no avail. What can I do?
First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while
Husband 1.0 is an Operating System. Try entering the command:
C:/I-THOUGHT-YOU-LOVED-ME to download Tears 6.2, which should
automatically install Guilt 3.0. If that application works as designed,
Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery
2.0 and Flowers 3.5. But remember, overuse of the above application can
cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0, or
WARNING: Beer 6.1 is a very nasty program that will create Snoring
CAUTION: Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-law. This is not a
supported application and will crash Husband 1.0.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited
memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider
buying additional software to improve memory and
performance. I personally recommend Hot Food 3.0 and Lingerie 7.7.
Dear Technical Support,
18 months ago, I upgraded to Girlfriend 1.0 from DrinkingMates 4.2,
which I had used for years without any trouble. However, there are
apparently conflicts between these two products and the only solution was to try and run Girlfriend 1.0 with the sound turned off. To make matters worse, Girlfriend 1.0 is incompatible with several other applications, such
as LadsNightOut 3.1, Football 4.5, and Playboy 6.9. Successive versions
of GirlFriend proved no better.
I tried a shareware program, Slapper 2.1, but it had many bugs and
left a virus in my system, forcing me to shut down completely for
Eventually, I tried to run GirlFriend 1.2 and Girlfriend 1.0 at the
same time, only to discover that when these two systems detected each
other they caused severe damage to my hardware.
I eventually upgraded to Fiancée 1.0, only to discover that this
product soon had to be upgraded further to Wife 1.0. While Wife 1.0
tends to use up all my available resources, it does come bundled with FreeSexPlus and Cleanhouse2005.
Shortly after this upgrade, however, I found that Wife 10 could be
very unstable and costly to run. Any mistakes I made were automatically
stored in Wife 1.0's memory and could not be deleted. They then
resurfaced months later when I had forgotten about them. Wife 1.0 also has an automatic Diary, Explorer and E-mail filter, and can, without warning, launch TurboStrop and Multi-Whinge. These latter products have no Help
files, and I have to try to guess what the problem is.
Additional problems are that Wife 1.0 needs updating regularly,
requiring ShoeShop Browser for new attachments and Hairstyle Express
which needs to be reinstalled every other week. Also, when Wife 1.0 attaches itself to my Saab 93 Convertible hard drive, it often crashes.
Wife 1.0 also comes with an irritating pop-up called MotherInLaw,
which can't be turned off.
Recently I've been tempted to install Mistress 2005, but there could
be problems. A friend of mine has alerted me to the fact that if Wife
1.0 detects Mistress 2005, it tends to delete all of your Money before
C'est la vie!
|2006-03-13, 14:08||Link #485|
♪♫ Maya Iincho ♩♬
Here's a japanese comic series by the name of Habanero. Have Fun ^_^
I'll try to keep the pages in good order.
Page 1 (sorta)
|2006-03-14, 15:52||Link #487|
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Scottsdale, Arizona
Heres a good one, its a bunch of people who made a real life Final Fantasy parody.
I think they made it a bid too long but its still funny.
Also heres another good vid
'I'm the Juggernaut B***h"
NWS for explict language.
Last edited by Tommy; 2006-03-14 at 16:33.
|2006-03-24, 09:51||Link #489|
♪♫ Maya Iincho ♩♬
Mario Brothers 1 Race
I found some great jokes from gamingforce
The King and his Knight <---- My favorite ^_^
The Old Woman Speeding
Atheists Go to Hell
(old blonde joke, but it's still funny)
How much cubic feet of dirt is there in a rectangular hole that is 2x3x4?
This teaser got me too. ^_^
Johny picked 5 apples. He at all but 3. How many were left?
Last edited by Aoie_Emesai; 2006-05-27 at 23:34.
|2006-03-24, 16:10||Link #490|
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: The dog gossips too much.
|2006-03-25, 09:08||Link #492|
♪♫ Maya Iincho ♩♬
Here's some fun for ya guys/gal.
THis place is a neat place. Toogle Seach Engine
Here's my result, my old avatar.
Last edited by Aoie_Emesai; 2006-03-25 at 10:18.