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Old 2007-09-19, 08:21   Link #121
Sikon
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Quote:
Did you mean to complete the sentence, perhaps with "names of the characters" or something like that?
I wanted to say "figured out the character counterparts", but forgot to finish the sentence.

"Quake I", on the other hand, is FFN's meddling - it was "Quake III", but the two other I's somehow got lost when I submitted it. (And while we're at it, I don't understand why FFN's software censors /'s and -'s out of titles and summaries, anong other characters - I have to find ways around that.)

As for the lampshade hangings... I spotted two. This

Quote:
Originally Posted by WarpObscura
"Seriously, why is she holding that thing like that?" A random person asked. No one had an answer.
was funny. This...

Quote:
Originally Posted by WarpObscura
"Why is everyone staring at me? Does having an unusual hair colour mean that I am supposed to be special in more ways than just aesthetic? Am I a protagonist in a narrative or something?"
on the other hand, failed to impress me, but that's because I dislike fourth wall breaks, except in shows centered around their self-aware wackiness, like Excel Saga. I would have probably worded that as: "Does it imply the universe revolves around me or something?"

Quote:
I notice you didn't say anything about the various inline references. Any reason why?
Mostly because I didn't seek for cultural references - sadly, I'm not familiar enough with foreign cultures to understand them.

------------

And now to questions about the "Who-crossover" .

Quote:
What was he doing recounting the Christmas Invasion for, anyway?
The Doctor was using one of his favorite tactics: talking the enemies into confusion and underestimating him (since he knew they would disregard his stories as complete nonsense anyway). He would probably get away if not for the Otome's intervention...

Quote:
Evolution of the Daleks came right before, I suppose? Is "he lives" supposed to refer to Kazu?
Yes, it's supposed to take place immediately after Evolution of the Daleks. It's a minor detail, but this is why Martha has the psychic paper and not the Doctor - she never returned it on-screen in that episode.

And yes, "he lives" refers to Kazuya - perhaps I should have made it more obvious, which I will when he appears and plays his role in the plot.

Quote:
There's a minor typo: "is a school that trains Otome, and I am its current headmaster." Did you mean "It's"?
Indeed. As usual, it was 1:00 AM and I couldn't be bothered to proofread.

Quote:
Where did "Four-Dot Ellipsis" come from?
A fellow Wookieepedia user ("Thefourdotelipsis", actually). He complained that his nickname choice means that tuckerization would forever elude him in Star Wars canon... so I jokingly promised I'd insert his nickname into one of my fanfics. I did.

It's minor, but "Xelman Greenwood" in the other story is a reference to two other Wookieepedians - "Xelman" and Steven "Riffsyphon1024" Greenwood.

Quote:
Which alien species are you referring to and which Time Lord? The Master? The Rani? The Meddling Monk?
The species is the Obsidian Prince's species. It was actually a small continuity nod, so to speak - readers can assume that the Doctor refers to the events of Mai-HiME, with the "renegade Time Lord" being Nagi. Of course, readers who don't believe that Mai-Otome and Mai-HiME occurred in the same continuity are free to disregard this as yet another coincidence.

(I don't believe that it was Sunrise's intent to have them occur in the same continuity, so I don't regard it as canon - but it's one of the premises of the shared universe I'm hoping to create, with these two stories and upcoming ones.)
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Old 2007-09-19, 08:41   Link #122
Thesinwithin
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Hey everyone, I've been lurking around here for something like forever, but you guys are actually doing what I've always wanted people to do with fanfiction, but they never do (except on EE's If There Be Thorns, but you need to on that fic) - actually going through and doing analysis.

Good for you guys.

Let's see, I've written some Mai-fic recently, more so than I usually do while House is airing. I divide my time evenly.

Shameless plugging / I'd really love some feedback:

Killpoint

Passages

The Strange Affair of the Katsu Ruins <-- that one's being edited right now, so it's seems rather half-gone through right now.
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Old 2007-09-19, 11:17   Link #123
Atlantis_Lux
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Oh, wow. Those are my favorite Mai fanfictions, and you are a very talented writer.
I suck in writing good reviews and I'm actually quite busy with my work, but I promise to all of you better comments in the next days for the updated chapters of Passages and The Forgotten Colony... .
And yes, I'll sit down quietly waiting for the next chapter of Killpoint.
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Old 2007-09-20, 08:50   Link #124
WarpObscura
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sikon View Post
I wanted to say "figured out the character counterparts", but forgot to finish the sentence.

"Quake I", on the other hand, is FFN's meddling - it was "Quake III", but the two other I's somehow got lost when I submitted it. (And while we're at it, I don't understand why FFN's software censors /'s and -'s out of titles and summaries, anong other characters - I have to find ways around that.)
Oh, right. Yeah, I'll agree on that punctuation issue. Hasn't it been raised already?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sikon View Post
As for the lampshade hangings... I spotted two. This



was funny. This...



on the other hand, failed to impress me, but that's because I dislike fourth wall breaks, except in shows centered around their self-aware wackiness, like Excel Saga. I would have probably worded that as: "Does it imply the universe revolves around me or something?"
Oh.

We appear to be on different frequencies, then. You see, the first line you mentioned there is canonical, it (or some sufficiently close variant) appeared in the actual thing. I intend to walk as close to the line as possible without actually crossing it. We'll see how it works out.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sikon View Post
Mostly because I didn't seek for cultural references - sadly, I'm not familiar enough with foreign cultures to understand them.
Same problem as above, I'm afraid. One of PvS' aims was to be as culturally savvy as plausible.
Some, like the 300 or DW references, should be obvious.
Others require more thought or specialisation. For example, there's the "It's a Bridget!" in Chapter One, which only proficient Internetians will get. Another example would be the "'Mistress Prebr' is not the name of any country I have ever heard of. They speak Rancaskan in 'Mistress Prebr'?" line, which plays on another highly-referential work.
Then there are those which should be obvious but are cunningly-hidden, like Sweetdream Alpha or Muesterteklang's name.
There's a lot of divergent thinking to be done, part of the fun is identifying each of the references as they pop up.

------------

And now to questions about the "Who-crossover" .



Quote:
Originally Posted by Sikon View Post
The Doctor was using one of his favorite tactics: talking the enemies into confusion and underestimating him (since he knew they would disregard his stories as complete nonsense anyway). He would probably get away if not for the Otome's intervention...
Well, it would have been too easy if he got away like that, wouldn't it?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sikon View Post
Yes, it's supposed to take place immediately after Evolution of the Daleks. It's a minor detail, but this is why Martha has the psychic paper and not the Doctor - she never returned it on-screen in that episode.

And yes, "he lives" refers to Kazuya - perhaps I should have made it more obvious, which I will when he appears and plays his role in the plot.
That works, I suppose, though sometimes it's preferable to not spell things out so clearly. Solid Shark's one of those experts in leaving the reader questioning despite the existing basis for his fan-works.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sikon View Post
A fellow Wookieepedia user ("Thefourdotelipsis", actually). He complained that his nickname choice means that tuckerization would forever elude him in Star Wars canon... so I jokingly promised I'd insert his nickname into one of my fanfics. I did.

It's minor, but "Xelman Greenwood" in the other story is a reference to two other Wookieepedians - "Xelman" and Steven "Riffsyphon1024" Greenwood.
Hahah, smart. I've got some of that worked out for the future, myself.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sikon View Post
The species is the Obsidian Prince's species. It was actually a small continuity nod, so to speak - readers can assume that the Doctor refers to the events of Mai-HiME, with the "renegade Time Lord" being Nagi. Of course, readers who don't believe that Mai-Otome and Mai-HiME occurred in the same continuity are free to disregard this as yet another coincidence.

(I don't believe that it was Sunrise's intent to have them occur in the same continuity, so I don't regard it as canon - but it's one of the premises of the shared universe I'm hoping to create, with these two stories and upcoming ones.)
Hmm... So you're invoking Clarke's Third Law as an "explanation" for HiME powers?
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Old 2007-09-23, 09:54   Link #125
Sikon
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Quote:
Hmm... So you're invoking Clarke's Third Law as an "explanation" for HiME powers?
The way I see it, I had no choice - it was either retconning the Mai-HiME magic into "magic from technology" or abandoning the "Otome are Searrs-created artificial HiME" premise. The reason is simple: technology can be reverse-engineered and modified - unlike magic.

Think of Stargate as an analogy. The Stargates are remnants of alien technology whose abilities are regarded by the primitive locals as magic - and the Goa'uld milk this superstition for as much as they can. The SGC, on the other hand, not only regard the Earth Stargate as what it really is (impressive technology, rather than magic), but even had to create their own dialing mechanism to compensate for the lost DHD - gaining more understanding and control of the Stargate's operation as a result.

The backstory I developed for my Mai stories (there are more to come after these two) is along these lines, although I hadn't watched Stargate by that time, and only used its general premise as an inspiration, to explain how humans colonized Earl. I originally considered having Searrs master actual space travel, but I reconsidered as it would have to be discovered very soon after Mai-HiME - something unlikely even for an organization able to build a fully-functional AI android by 2004. Having a "magic" door capable of interplanetary travel, however, would surely help with such early expansion - if they reverse-engineered it... and the destruction of the HiME Star disrupted Searrs' plan to (ever) take over the Carnival, forcing them to seek alternate ways of starting the Golden Millennium - which itself will be a plot point.

As for spelling things out clearly: I'm now under full understanding that most readers don't read between the lines (except when it involves sex), so when I make a point, I try to convey it as clearly as I can while not being overly anvilicious. Also, I try not to introduce any mysteries to which I don't have an answer myself: to take Akane as an example, I "know for myself" who, why and when killed her, and why it didn't result in Kazuya's death-by-contract. And every question that I explicitly raise will be answered eventually - the only question is when!
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Old 2007-09-27, 15:36   Link #126
Sikon
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Chapter 3 of "Mai HiME Ryou" is out. New "revelations" (in "my universe", that is) about the Otomeverse include the origins of the "Mikoto animal ensemble" and the term "乙HiME"/"Otome", as well as the beginning of Fumi's involvement with the Otome.

Tomorrow I'll review Thesinwithin's stories.
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Old 2007-09-27, 19:23   Link #127
Same_Shark
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Originally Posted by Sikon View Post
Chapter 3 of "Mai HiME Ryou" is out. New "revelations" (in "my universe", that is) about the Otomeverse include the origins of the "Mikoto animal ensemble" and the term "乙HiME"/"Otome", as well as the beginning of Fumi's involvement with the Otome.

Tomorrow I'll review Thesinwithin's stories.
Chapter 3 ROCKS! Keep it up!
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Old 2007-09-30, 17:13   Link #128
Sikon
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The third Doctor Who half-chapter has followed - and I hope to finish "The Maiden's Flight" tomorrow, and resolve everything.

Spoiler:


After that, I'll finish the other story, and then we'll see which way I go, depending on the reception. One thing is certain: all my current and future stories will be part of the same continuity.
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Old 2007-10-03, 14:48   Link #129
Atlantis_Lux
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I've finally read the latest chapters you posted Sikon. The third chapter of "The Forgotten Colony..." is for sure surprising. It'll be interesting to see how they'll manage to counterattack without two of their best warriors.
The Mai HiME Ryou new upload is good too. Even better for my taste. I like the believable way you are linking together Hime and Otome, and I appreciate the political background you are creating around the characters.
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Old 2007-10-11, 13:59   Link #130
Sikon
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TFC/TMF is finished.
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Old 2007-10-31, 13:02   Link #131
Sikon
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Finished the other one as well. BTS notes will follow tomorrow.

There'll be a sequel centered around the founding of Garderobe and the original Five Columns.
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Old 2007-11-04, 13:46   Link #132
Same_Shark
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Originally Posted by Sikon View Post
Finished the other one as well. BTS notes will follow tomorrow.

There'll be a sequel centered around the founding of Garderobe and the original Five Columns.
Definately can't wait for the sequel. Maybe you could add some illustrations with the characters next time.
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Old 2007-12-22, 22:27   Link #133
WarpObscura
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Prinz von Sommerhoffnung Chapter Four is in the house! Do enjoy and review.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3291350/...Sommerhoffnung
http://community.livejournal.com/maihime/92312.html

EDIT: BTS at my LJ.
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Last edited by WarpObscura; 2007-12-24 at 10:46.
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Old 2008-01-04, 17:33   Link #134
viciousambitious
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Stray Dogs: chapter one

Title: Stray Dogs

Rated: M

Summary: In the near future, Japan has become corrupt. Anarchy and violence are common, gangs are ever prevalent. This story focuses on the Duran gang, as they cross paths with their most bitter enemy . Shoujoai, AU Natsuki, Shizuru.

Story is located here:http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3984594/1/Stray_Dogs
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Old 2008-01-04, 17:47   Link #135
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Kaguya: prologue

Title: Kaguya
Rated: T
Summary: Mai Otome. Someone appears from Shizuru Viola's and Natsuki Kruger's past and creates a rift between them.
Story located here:http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3991541/1/Kaguya
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Old 2008-01-07, 01:04   Link #136
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Title: Kaguya
Rated: T
Summary: Mai Otome. Someone appears from Shizuru Viola's and Natsuki Kruger's past and creates a rift between them.
Story located here:http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3991541/1/Kaguya
Good start!!
Update pls!!!
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Old 2008-01-10, 18:19   Link #137
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Well I have started recently new story with fake movie trailer XD Decided to make my version of it...not sure how good it is but here is link Comments are always welcomed Oh! And the actual story starts from chapter 2

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3949593/...attle_of_Fuuka

I'm very surprised that no one wrote something like this before... Anyway what do you think?
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Old 2008-03-30, 18:20   Link #138
viciousambitious
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Hime Noir drabble

ust a quick drabble This is an upcoming Noir fic I'm working on.. Tell me what you think. I apologize about the formatting. Also I have written this in script form but the fic will be first person with descriptions.. It's rated PG-13 for suggestive content.

INT. PARADISE LOUNGE -- CONTINUOUS

Natsuki walks in through the door. The club is filled with men in suits and women wearing cocktail dresses. She walks towards the bar.

NATSUKI (V.O.)
The Paradise Lounge. A watering hole for the ultra rich and aristocrats alike. The name Nagi came up in a few low key reviews claiming the place as this year's hot spot.

Natsuki walks across the street towards the lounge.


NATSUKI (V.O.)
Shizuru Fujino was the main attraction, a Kyoto bird that mysteriously flew in one day to the audition. They said she had the most beautiful voice, not that I would complain. She was statuesque and gracefull, but people said she had a tendancy to be mischeivious. And those eyes ...those piercing, red ruby eyes that with just one look, would pierce into oneís own soul.

As Natsuki nears the bar something catches her ear. A piano begins to play and a femenine voice begins to sing. She looks over her shoulder and sees a gorgeous woman on the stage. She has long brunette hair, a sparkling violet dress and scarlet red lipstick. She is Shizuru Fujino and she's leaning on the piano holding the microphone and singing into it. The bartender approaches Natsuki, who is so enchanted she has not noticed him.

BARTENDER
What can I get ya?

Natsuki doesn't respond.

BARTENDER (CONT'D)
Kid?

Natsuki is still gazing at the stage. The bartender grabs Natsuki's shoulder and she quickly turns to face him.

BARTENDER (CONT'D)
Hey, gawk all you want, but there's a two drink minimum.

NATSUKI
Oh, awh, I'll have a beer.

BARTENDER
Beer? Kid, this is a cocktail bar. You want beer, you go somewhere else.

NATSUKI
I'll take a gin and tonic then.

BARTENDER
(sarcastically)
Good choice.

Natsuki looks back to the stage and sees that Shizuru has finished singing and is chatting it up with some over eager fans. She notices Natsuki staring at her and Natsuki quickly abruptly looks away.

After a while, Natsuki looks back towards her and Shizuru is approaching her. The bartender puts a drink down in front of Natsuki and waits to be paid. Natsuki realizes and starts searching her pockets for money in her trenchcoat. Unbeknownst to her, Shizuru approaches and sits beside her.

SHIZURU
Put that on my tab, Reito-san.
She pulls out a silver cigarette case and puts one in her mouth and lights it up. She offers one to Natsuki. Natsuki declines it with a gesture.

NATSUKI
Smoking is a bad habit.
She leans over and lights her cigarette with a match.

SHIZURU
Yes, well, we can't always be good these days.
She presses her lips together and slowly blows the match out. Her cleavage catches Natsuki's eye.
NATSUKI
You always buy drinks for strangers?

Shizuru grins and winks at her.

SHIZURU
Only the cute ones.

NATSUKI

Cheers.

Natsuki takes a drink of her gin and tonic. She cringes as she puts the drink on the bar, while coughing.

SHIZURU
Too much for ya?

NATSUKI
I've had harder.

SHIZURU
Oh, I'm sure you have.
Natsuki looks her over and clears her throat.

SHIZURU (CONT'D)
You look familiar, come around here often?

NATSUKI
First time.

Shizuru stares at her seductively and chuckles.

SHIZURU
There's a first time for everything, I suppose.

Natsuki blushes.

SHIZURU (CONT'D)
You got a name, Miss First Time?

NATSUKI

Natsuki Kuga.

Shizuru grins and nods. She's not surprised to hear the name. Her eyes are on Natsukiís again, searching.

SHIZURU
Ara. I see the resemblance.

NATSUKI

Pardon?

SHIZURU

I figured someone would come asking around for Kuga, but I never expected it to be her daughter.

NATSUKI
Sometimes ya gotta get your hands dirty.

SHIZURU
So it would seem. I suppose you think I know where she is?

NATSUKI
She was working for you, so you must know somethin'.

Shizuruís expression becomes cold, as she turns her head to the bar.

SHIZURU
I don't care to be called a criminal, Miss Kuga.
She takes out a compact and starts powdering her face.

--tbc--
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Old 2008-04-01, 13:37   Link #139
White night selenite
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Sikon!!!
Your fanfic is just great, I don't know what else could I say.

Finally I know the origin of mysterious Yggdrasil. I especially liked the whole idea with Bifrost and the link that you made to the M.O. Zwei scene of Nina's teleportation.

Thanks a lot, good luck with next chapters!

(I wonder why are Searrs (and anime creators) so fascinated with Norse mythology (I saw Yggdrasil in some other anime, too)
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Old 2008-04-27, 19:31   Link #140
Satashi
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Wind.

It set me free, blew away my problems and grief, and embraced me without knowing who I was or where I came from. The wind didn't care what I wore, what I did, or where I was going. It accepted me without restraint, freed my mind, and calmed me down. I was asked several times why I rode my motorcycle, why I disappeared for days at a time just to drive. The answer wasn't something I could tell, wasn't something I could just say. It had to be felt, had to be witnessed, had to be experienced.

Here, with you against my back, on this open rode laced with the flowing cherry blossoms, I shared it. I couldn't answer you either, couldn't say what I wanted, couldn't find the words. What I felt was the same as the wind. It was all we needed right now, all we had to know. We were free from everything, free from people's thoughts, people's stares, people's words. With the wind I didn't have to worry about them, with the wind I could be honest.

I liked you. Through everything, the pain, the hardships, the good times, and the laughter. I couldn't tell you this because the feelings were more than my words could describe. Like the wind, you were there for me, embraced me, accepted me. My past didn't matter to you- in fact you shared some of it with me. What mattered was simple; we were together, embraced by the rushing sound of air. I couldn't tell you, but I know you could feel it.

You were my wind.
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