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Old 2008-07-09, 19:51   Link #2281
Keikan
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Well here's the latest contest thread fron Zaku, through me: http://forums.animesuki.com/showthread.php?t=68346.
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Old 2008-07-09, 19:56   Link #2282
theBrotherGrimm
Lord of the Wangetsugan!
 
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Annoying the crap out of Gai Maito with Kakashi-sensei
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FuzzyWuzzy View Post

This part is very vague. How did he treat her if all they did is fighting. Cruelly, kindly, nice, gentle, what? If he treated her kindly or something like that, you can't say that the fight was always equal? How did he respect her? Same thing. How did he spoke to her?

I didn't like the way you built up your resume. It's the same thing as all the characters in this thread. Also for such an impressive resume, she can't even beat Kakashi. Most of the jounin characters in Konoha do not even have such resumes but they can hold their own against Kakashi like Gai-sensei for example. But if she beat him then it wouldn't be a believable character.

I like the doujutsus. That's it. However it remains to be seen when compared to her other abilities. I'm going to tell you this once so you don't copy the rest of the people in here. All they know are taijutsu, genjutsu and ninjutsu.

All of the characters in Naruto world have a range they like even Kakashi who is pretty complete in all ranges. Either close, short, medium, or long range. Pick one or two and don't be all over the place. You can be a close range fighter but also have short range attacks like Sasuke. Don't make a close combat fighter that likes long range attacks.

Also there's one big flaw in your character. Your character wears a mask which is why she is called "tears of the mist" but she uses eye techniques. The mask is just going to interfere. The enemy won't be able to see her eyes. You can't say that she takes it off per battle then if she does that then she wouldn't get the nickname since her nickname comes from the mask. Also ANBU's wear masks all the time to protect their identity since they are like secret agents. If she takes them off, they would know her identity and she would appear in a BINGO book.
Okay, I'll start from the beginning. Firstly, considering that she is falling in love with the Leaf shinobi, he must be treating her good. Who in their right mind would fall in love with a person who is mean and cruel towards them? Just to clarify, he treated Sakeme like woman. He was kind and polite to her even though she was the enemy and, due to her reputation, he also gave her respect. Going even further, you don't necessarily have to attack a person if you are being kind to them. A ninja could use Genjutsu on their opponent in a battle and still be kind to them.

Secondly, to correct a fact that you stated, "White Fang" is not Kakashi; it is his father. I would like to point out that I never stated that Sakeme could not defeat the "White Fang". What I said was was that the Mist used Sakeme to fight to even the playing field since the Leaf was using the "White Fang". To give a little bit more detail, the Mist used Sakeme to counteract the "White Fang" and his actions. For example, ninja who were attacked by the "White Fang" and were wounded but not dead would be healed by Sakeme and would go on to fight again.

As far as her fighting style, she is a long range attacker. The point of medical ninjas is to avoid enemy attacks and to not get killed in order to heal your comrads (this has been stated by Tsunade and Sakura several times). Sakeme usually doesn't fight but sits on the side lines assisting her comrads by using her Wangetsugan on the enemy or by putting them in a genjutsu. If everything goes smoothly, 85% of the time the enemy can not attack her because they are either in a genjutsu, are dealing with her gekkai genkai, or she is using a defensive move.

Finally, you have a point concerning her mask and her doujutsu. I could see her wearing her mask the same way Kakashi wore his when he was in ANBU (he wore his mask halfway over his face so that his Sharingan was not covered). She wears her mask halfway over her face since she only needs one of her Wangetsugans to use their abilities. Most of the time, in the beginning of a battle, Sakeme will have her face fully covered and will use genjutsu before resorting to her Wangetsugan.

I hope I answered your questions.
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Old 2008-07-09, 21:06   Link #2283
Shinabaru Nara
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Spoiler for becase its long nosey ppl:
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Old 2008-07-09, 22:20   Link #2284
FuzzyWuzzy
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??? still doesn't make sense. If some person is trying to kill another person, why would he treat that person good. So why would Kakashi's father treat your character well if she is trying to kill him. This is a shinobi world. Only character in this anime that is kind is Naruto. Fighting isn't a game for them, it's survival. Kakashi's father killed Sasori's parents. He doesn't discriminate whether the shinobi is a woman or a man. In those times too, are a time of hate. Each side hated each other. Sasori's grandmother even said so which is why she didn't hesitate when he thought Kakashi is the white fang.
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Old 2008-07-09, 22:30   Link #2285
theBrotherGrimm
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I hope you know that the "White Fang" does not have the Sharingan only Kakashi does. With that in mind, Sakeme must not be in love with him.
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Old 2008-07-09, 22:39   Link #2286
FuzzyWuzzy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Shinabaru Nara View Post
Spoiler for becase its long nosey ppl:
Doesn't make sense also. Why would they teach him jutsus? He's an enemy even after they altered his mind. There is still a big possibility that he will regain his memories and turn on them which did happen. Why would the Konoha shinobi's bind him or capture him? He showed no signs that he holds important information. When did you see ninjas from Konoha capture people for interrogation? They just kill them.

This is a shinobi world. They use children in chuunin exams for political reasons and it doesn't matter if they survive or not. When Neiji asked the referee to stop the match or else he may kill Naruto, the referee didn't even care. He was like "go ahead".
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Old 2008-07-09, 22:57   Link #2287
Shinabaru Nara
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FuzzyWuzzy View Post
Doesn't make sense also. Why would they teach him jutsus? He's an enemy even after they altered his mind. There is still a big possibility that he will regain his memories and turn on them which did happen. Why would the Konoha shinobi's bind him or capture him? He showed no signs that he holds important information. When did you see ninjas from Konoha capture people for interrogation? They just kill them.

This is a shinobi world. They use children in chuunin exams for political reasons and it doesn't matter if they survive or not. When Neiji asked the referee to stop the match or else he may kill Naruto, the referee didn't even care. He was like "go ahead".
well to answer the questions for oneit want sand it was just one old man from sand and the old man probely was overconfident remember he sent one person agens a huge village or he saw potential Kisuke was an abu you know well i just tried to make a good plot lol
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Old 2008-07-09, 23:49   Link #2288
Zaku Hyuga
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Ok Fuzzy, lay off! You shouldn't be giving anyone advice as you've completely shot down any and all given to you. If you can't take advice then don't give it! Now to answer your questions as you obviousy didn't read it that well, it was on crazy old man in the desert who had some whacked plan he was going to take over Leaf with some Anbu he accidentally caught. so he brain washes him and teaches him his jutsu. Now when Kisuke goes back to Leaf the three genin probably didn't know who he was so they went for help. When the other Anbu and Hokage showed up they probably expected to find some foreign ninja, but they recognize him despite new tatoos and low and behold it's one of their strongest anbu who they thought was dead. The Hokage apparently having knowledge of the markings and weapons kisuke was carrying knew who had done this to his anbu and knew there was no need in killing one of his own ninja, so revived his memory. I don't see how you can say it doesn't make sense other than you really didn't read it and pay attention to it. Yeah that's probably not something they would use in an anime or manga but it makes sense. Make sure you read things closely before you open your mouth and shoot it off. BTW not everyone can be a perfect story writer like you think you are to meet your standards of a good story.

Shinabaru: Good job on your second character. Interesting backround, although a bit far fetched good job.

Forgot to mention although the story is a little far fetched it is extremely original. Something which Fuzzy As..Wuzzy has been ranting about for God knows how many posts and failed to mention in hers about your character. She's probably just mad and didn't metion it cause it's more original than hers.
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Old 2008-07-10, 00:36   Link #2289
Keikan
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Quote:
Originally Posted by theBrotherGrimm View Post
Hey Guys!!! This is my first character on this thread. I hope you find her creative and well thought out. Please forgive for any spelling errors, thanks. Enjoy!

Name: Sakeme Hisakata
Nickname: the "Tears of the Mist"
Gender: Female
Age: 24
Date of Birth: April 22
Hair Color: Dark Brown
Eye Color: Blue
Blood Type: O
Village of Birth: the Hidden Mist
Village Currently Living In: the Hidden Mist
Ninja Rank: ANBU
Elemental Affinity: Water, Wind
Ninjutsu: 8/10
Genjutsu: 8/10
Taijutsu: 6/10
Summoning Contract: Squid
Strengths: Medical Ninjutsu, Chakra Control, and Avoiding Enemy Attacks (through use of Genjutsu and her Gekkei genkai)
Weaknesses: Taijutsu, Complete Darkness, Multiple Enemies, and No Eye-Contact between her and her opponent (all of these except Taijutsu are the weaknesses of her Gekkei genkai)
Weapons of Choice: Kunai, Shuriken, and Exploding Tags
Other Accessories: 3 Vials of Itonami Water, Medicine, and Scrolls
Academy Grad Age: 10
Chuunin Exam Age: 11
Jounin Age: 14
ANBU: 18
Missions Completed
D-Rank: 68
C-Rank: 124
B-Rank: 398
A-Rank: 246
S-Rank: 3
Gekkai genkai: Wangetsugan (wa-get-su-gan)

The wangetsugan or "Crescent Eye" is a doujutsu and is the bloodline limit of the Hisakata clan. When activated, a Hisakata member's iris will turn a dark shade of blue and two, black crescents will develop on opposite sides of the pupil and will face outwards. The abilities of this doujutsu are centered around the memories and past events of a person.
Both of the crescents are unique and useful on ninja missions. Below are the following powers of the two crescent.

1st Crescent-the ability to see into the target's memory and past events that have occurred in their life in a short amount of time. This ability requires eye-contact between the target and Hisakata member even if it's for a second. This trait is excellent in collecting information from the target's previous battles (missions) or confidential information that is known by the opponent. It is because of this ability that over half of the Mist's Anbu's are Hisakata members. The downside to this ability is that irrelavant memories accumulate in a Hisakata's mind over time. This in turn lowers a member's focus during a current situation.

2nd Crescent-the ability to implant memories into the target's mind. The memories planted are all fake and never happened. After this ability has been used, the target will most of the time (not all the time) realize that the Hisakata member is their ally and will attack their real allies. This trait can be countered if the target will stop, think logically, and seek the help of their true allies after this crescent's ability has been used on them.

There are special techniques only for the wangetsugan but I'll list them in my next post. Now moving on to Sakeme's biography.

Sakeme Hisakata is a talented, respected ninja of the Village Hidden in the Mist. She is the Mist's most reverred medical ninjutsu specialist using water to heal herself and her comrads. Sakeme is the great-granddaughter of the First Mizukage and is the middle of three children. She is a quiet-natured woman who is caring and nuturing to those she loves. Although Sakeme is quiet, her beauty makes up for it. With wavy, dark brown hair, blue eyes, and a soft complexion, she has had several men to flirt with her. Sakeme dislikes the type of men that flirt with her and ultimately puts them in a simple genjutsu without them knowing as she walks off. As far as her ninja career, Sakeme's is impressive. At age 10, she graduated from the Academy. Sakeme would have graduated at age 8 but she refused to take the final exam which at the time was to kill her best friend. After refusing to take the exam two more times, the Mizukage at that time and the village elders allowed her to advance seeing great potential in her. Sakeme quickly became a chuunin a year later in a attempt to make up for lost time. After completing the Chuunin rank, she became interested in the art of medical ninjutsu and became the apprentice of Elder Obaasan-the expert of medical jutsu at the time. After 3 years of learning and practicing, Sakeme mastered the techniques known by Elder Obaasan and tested her knowledge up to that point by taking the Jounin Exam. She passed. She went on to work with water as a source of healing and developed several techniques using Itonami water. The Itonami water proved to have special properties when coming in contact with her chakra and allowed Sakeme to develop difficult, advanced jutsus (I'll explain the Itonami water more in-depth in my next post). After 3 years, Sakeme attempted to become an ANBU but failed. She tried again a year later and passed. From then on out, Sakeme's success only improved as she became one the Mizukage's elite ninjas. Time passed. Days became weeks, weeks became months, and months became years. Sakeme's reputation as a ninja spread and she soon became known as the "Tears of the Mist". She earned this nickname because the mask she wore on her face had red tears painted on to make it appear that she was crying. As Sakeme's 24th birthday grew closer, the Mist began to have disputes and conflicts with the Hidden Leaf. Sakeme was sent to fight for the Mist as an equal advantage to Konaha's "White Fang". As she fought with the Leaf Ninja, she came across a true opponent-a man with ruby red eyes. She fought the man many times and he with her but they always ended up at a stand still. After several battles with him, Sakeme began to fall in love with him. She fell in love with the way he spoke to her, the way he treated her, and the respect he gave her. She wondered if he had the same feelings about her and began to avoid attacking him. Currently, Sakeme is questioning her loyalty to her home or to the enemy confused about who to make happy, her village or her heart.


I will list her ninjutsus in my next post.
Nice character. I would say rather original. I can see the point of combatting White Fang with Tears, makes sense to me. One question, how old was Itachi when Sakeme was fighting??

Quote:
Originally Posted by Shinabaru Nara View Post
Spoiler for becase its long nosey ppl:
Ok, good character, though as Zaku said maybe not for the anime or manga but honestly, who cares? Where in the rules for this thread does it state that the characters are meant for the anime or the manga?

There is one little thing in the biography .. why would the Hokage come out of the village for one, at the time, unidentified shinobi? The Kages don't leave their villages for much. I don't think a Kage would leave their village, I just don't think it's believable, unless the genin that was sent back explained the shinobi's abilities and the Kage recognised them somehow. But then he or she would take more them two ANBU. And why were the Genin out alone?? Shouldn't they have a Jounin or at least a Chunin with them? Well I started off on one track and found another . But this is still a good character.
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My name is Kvothe. You may have heard of me.
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Old 2008-07-10, 00:48   Link #2290
FuzzyWuzzy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Zaku Hyuga View Post
Ok Fuzzy, lay off! You shouldn't be giving anyone advice as you've completely shot down any and all given to you. If you can't take advice then don't give it! Now to answer your questions as you obviousy didn't read it that well, it was on crazy old man in the desert who had some whacked plan he was going to take over Leaf with some Anbu he accidentally caught. so he brain washes him and teaches him his jutsu. Now when Kisuke goes back to Leaf the three genin probably didn't know who he was so they went for help. When the other Anbu and Hokage showed up they probably expected to find some foreign ninja, but they recognize him despite new tatoos and low and behold it's one of their strongest anbu who they thought was dead. The Hokage apparently having knowledge of the markings and weapons kisuke was carrying knew who had done this to his anbu and knew there was no need in killing one of his own ninja, so revived his memory. I don't see how you can say it doesn't make sense other than you really didn't read it and pay attention to it. Yeah that's probably not something they would use in an anime or manga but it makes sense. Make sure you read things closely before you open your mouth and shoot it off. BTW not everyone can be a perfect story writer like you think you are to meet your standards of a good story.

Shinabaru: Good job on your second character. Interesting backround, although a bit far fetched good job.

Forgot to mention although the story is a little far fetched it is extremely original. Something which Fuzzy As..Wuzzy has been ranting about for God knows how many posts and failed to mention in hers about your character. She's probably just mad and didn't metion it cause it's more original than hers.
How old are you? 15? ooops I'm correct. Grow up!!! You are the one that can't handle criticism. When the whole thread is full characters that lacks anything substantial or depth and I pointed it out, I expect enemies especially when I'm saying the truth. Deal with it! Don't blame me if all the characters are all the same. I'm just stating the obvious. You guys can pat each others back and tell good job, or nice one but I will tell it honestly and the way it is.

You guys can even form a group with anti-fuzzy slogans but I will provide honest criticism. I will tell which ones are good and which ones interesting, what characters are lacking what.

Every time I see leet ninja's with over the top resumes and one hit kill jutsus then expect me to say it like that.

Quote:
Originally Posted by theBrotherGrimm View Post
I hope you know that the "White Fang" does not have the Sharingan only Kakashi does. With that in mind, Sakeme must not be in love with him.
Another thing that doesn't makes sense is that at first your character is a medical ninja. She is quiet, caring and nurturing. But at the end, she became a fighter who kills people. What's up with that? Which one is the real deal? Which one is the real personality?

If you want to have a love thing going on with Konoha's white fang, you could do a simple spin. I'll give you a possible story and you let your creativity flow and maybe write a new way for them to have a love thing going on.

Spoiler for Story:
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Last edited by FuzzyWuzzy; 2008-07-10 at 01:01.
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Old 2008-07-10, 01:51   Link #2291
theBrotherGrimm
Lord of the Wangetsugan!
 
 
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Age: 25
Quote:
Originally Posted by FuzzyWuzzy View Post
How old are you? 15? ooops I'm correct. Grow up!!! You are the one that can't handle criticism. When the whole thread is full characters that lacks anything substantial or depth and I pointed it out, I expect enemies especially when I'm saying the truth. Deal with it! Don't blame me if all the characters are all the same. I'm just stating the obvious. You guys can pat each others back and tell good job, or nice one but I will tell it honestly and the way it is.

You guys can even form a group with anti-fuzzy slogans but I will provide honest criticism. I will tell which ones are good and which ones interesting, what characters are lacking what.

Every time I see leet ninja's with over the top resumes and one hit kill jutsus then expect me to say it like that.



Another thing that doesn't makes sense is that at first your character is a medical ninja. She is quiet, caring and nurturing. But at the end, she became a fighter who kills people. What's up with that? Which one is the real deal? Which one is the real personality?

If you want to have a love thing going on with Konoha's white fang, you could do a simple spin. I'll give you a possible story and you let your creativity flow and maybe write a new way for them to have a love thing going on.

Spoiler for Story:
FuzzyWuzzy, he might be 15 but you're acting like a 5 year old. On that note, before criticizing other people's creations make sure you know the material we are discussing on this forum. You keep asking all these questions when the information the questions are based on is incorrect. Take me for example. You asked me how Sakeme could not defeat Kakashi with her impressive resume when I was talking about his father, the "White Fang"; I even didn't say she couldn't defeat him. Also, you keep thinking in your little, pessimistic mind that she is in love with the "White Fang" when I flat out told you that she was not in love him! She is in love with an Uchiha!!! There is your answer, the correct answer. Finally, how can a person have a multiple personalities? Okay she can only love and not hate (if you didn't know that was sarcasm). For some reason, you think that people are set in singular mode and not multiple. Sakeme loves her comrads and hates her enemies (every ninja is like this, it's common sense). To end this I would like to say that trying to explain the obvious to you has been as painful as banging my head on a wall. I am glad to say that I no longer care about your opinions or any negative thing you have to say towards me or any of the other members.

Last edited by theBrotherGrimm; 2008-07-10 at 02:43.
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Old 2008-07-10, 01:57   Link #2292
Dan the Man
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Alright, first off, TheBrotherGrimm, you've done an incredible job on a first character! Only rarely do we see work done so well from a new member. I can't wait to see what else you come up with!

Second, Shinabaru, a job well done as well. The bio's a bit farfetched, but it's still good. Keep up the good work as well.


Alright, praise out of the way, Fuzzy Wuzzy, I've just about had it with you. Never in my time on this forum have I seen someone so arrogant, pompous, and condescending. I'll just go through all of this bit by bit.


Quote:
Originally Posted by FuzzyWuzzy View Post
Well I don't think it's the best. I didn't really put much effort in it and I didn't read all the characters. All I'm saying is that most of the people in this thread lack originality.
Alright, granted you can't be expected to read all of the previous pages and characters, but even reading back to page 100 would show you a slew of characters who are full of originality, and are a hell of a lot better than a cheesy love-story tacked into a ninja setting.

Quote:
Originally Posted by FuzzyWuzzy View Post
If most of the characters in this thread are ultra leet ninja's with ultra powerful killer jutsus then my character is the most original of all. Why? Since my character is one of those support/side characters that holds the anime together. Besides I'm not competing for originality against all of characters in all of the story all over the world. I'm just competing for originality in this thread. So we have 10 thousand leet ninjas in this thread and 1 child hood love ninja. That's pretty original to me. Guess what? My character is the only unique one since all of you guys have the same story, same leet skills, same crap, and once you read one, you read them all.
Well, for the record, I've been making characters since page 10, and not once did I ever copy a well known jutsu, kekkei genkai, or involve my characters with any legitimate characters outside of them being ninjas working for a Hokage. I put a damn good amount of thought and effort into making my characters unique and original, and that goes for everyone else on this thread as well. Some of us can't draw character pictures, others can't write Pulitzer worthy back-stories, and some might not be good at creating unique jutsu, but every legitimate character here is a testament to our effort. To make such an biased, judgemental, and completely arrogant statement just shows that you don't give a good goddamn about anything but your own work, and everything else gets tacked into a second-rate category. Thanks. Great way to make friends around here.

Also, you may have the only "childhood love ninja" on the thread, but it doesn't make it any better.

Quote:
Originally Posted by FuzzyWuzzy View Post
Most of the the characters in here are like third rate sub characters in a filler episode that will die as soon as they tell their past and they won't even get a death scene.
If so, your's would be snuffed out even quicker. She can't even melt ice.

Quote:
Originally Posted by FuzzyWuzzy View Post
I like the doujutsus. That's it. However it remains to be seen when compared to her other abilities. I'm going to tell you this once so you don't copy the rest of the people in here. All they know are taijutsu, genjutsu and ninjutsu.
At least we have the creativity to make characters that actually use them.

Quote:
Originally Posted by FuzzyWuzzy View Post
All of the characters in Naruto world have a range they like even Kakashi who is pretty complete in all ranges. Either close, short, medium, or long range. Pick one or two and don't be all over the place. You can be a close range fighter but also have short range attacks like Sasuke. Don't make a close combat fighter that likes long range attacks.
It's called being well-rounded. Better yet, you could call it being prepared. If you're good at using knives, would you take nothing but knives to a gun fight? No, you wouldn't, unless you feel like being killed on the spot. A good trait of a ninja is flexibility to a situation.

Quote:
Originally Posted by FuzzyWuzzy View Post
Also there's one big flaw in your character. Your character wears a mask which is why she is called "tears of the mist" but she uses eye techniques. The mask is just going to interfere. The enemy won't be able to see her eyes. You can't say that she takes it off per battle then if she does that then she wouldn't get the nickname since her nickname comes from the mask. Also ANBU's wear masks all the time to protect their identity since they are like secret agents. If she takes them off, they would know her identity and she would appear in a BINGO book.
Two words: Eye Holes.

Quote:
Originally Posted by FuzzyWuzzy View Post
How old are you? 15? ooops I'm correct. Grow up!!! You are the one that can't handle criticism.
Ah, playing the whole "I'm older than you, so I'm always right" routine, eh? Haven't seen that one played since I was in the 5th grade. Even if he's younger than you, Zaku's got more experience making characters, and has been around this thread longer than you. In the real world, experience is seniority. Don't try and turn the tables around by spouting some claim that age makes you the better man, because all it'll get is a finger pointed in your direction and a good dose of laughter.

Quote:
Originally Posted by FuzzyWuzzy View Post
When the whole thread is full characters that lacks anything substantial or depth and I pointed it out, I expect enemies especially when I'm saying the truth. Deal with it! Don't blame me if all the characters are all the same. I'm just stating the obvious. You guys can pat each others back and tell good job, or nice one but I will tell it honestly and the way it is.
So you've pretty much decided to be the "tough critic"? Alright, since you seem to be such an expert on what makes an original character, and yet with only one under your belt, I'll let you go on this. You're more than welcome to be critical, that's how people improve, but for your own sake, make sure every word you type is a legitimate criticism. Just about everyone on here's had their fair share of your tripe, so if you're going to say something, you better start making it count.

Quote:
Originally Posted by FuzzyWuzzy View Post
You guys can even form a group with anti-fuzzy slogans but I will provide honest criticism. I will tell which ones are good and which ones interesting, what characters are lacking what.
You know, I'm sure we could make an anti-Fuzzy group and even some clever and snappy slogans, but for the life of me, I can't imagine any of us spending that much time on anything that involves you.

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Originally Posted by FuzzyWuzzy View Post
Every time I see leet ninja's with over the top resumes and one hit kill jutsus then expect me to say it like that.
Fine, we've been doing the same thing, just most of the time, we actually try to make sense and attempt to be constructive.

Quote:
Originally Posted by FuzzyWuzzy View Post
Another thing that doesn't makes sense is that at first your character is a medical ninja. She is quiet, caring and nurturing. But at the end, she became a fighter who kills people. What's up with that? Which one is the real deal? Which one is the real personality?
Ever heard of Bipolar Disorder? Hell, even Multiple Personality Disorder?

Quote:
Originally Posted by FuzzyWuzzy View Post
If you want to have a love thing going on with Konoha's white fang, you could do a simple spin. I'll give you a possible story and you let your creativity flow and maybe write a new way for them to have a love thing going on.
After the way you've been blatently insulting other people's work here, I doubt anyone will want to ask you for help on their characters. I sure as hell wouldn't.

Quote:
Originally Posted by FuzzyWuzzy View Post
Spoiler for Story:
It sucks. Why? I don't know, I didn't bother to actually read it, but I feel qualified enough to say that your work probably sucks, and is more than likely some cheap ripoff of another story, and just plain lacking in any form of originality whatsoever. You might as well have just copied and pasted from another story and swapped out the characters, because you obviously don't have any originality.

... See? Doesn't make much sense, nor is it very fair, to do it your way, huh?
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Old 2008-07-10, 02:16   Link #2293
theBrotherGrimm
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dan the Man View Post
Alright, first off, TheBrotherGrimm, you've done an incredible job on a first character! Only rarely do we see work done so well from a new member. I can't wait to see what else you come up with!





You know, I'm sure we could make an anti-Fuzzy group and even some clever and snappy slogans, but for the life of me, I can't imagine any of us spending that much time on anything that involves you.



Thanks Dan, Keikan, and Adediran242 for the compliments!!! I worked really hard on her. Also I already have a anti-FuzzyWuzzy slogan-"After we're done with FuzzyWuzzy, he'll be missing more than his hair."
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Old 2008-07-10, 05:29   Link #2294
Keikan
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theBrotherGrimm: I like the slogan. BTW I can't wait for Sakeme's jutsu. If they are like the rest of Sakeme they'll be worth seeing.

Adediran242: If you're still looking for Kekkei Genkai, I'm working on it. Hopefully I'll have one up for you in 24 hours or less .

Dan the Man: Did you seriously not read it? I read it to see if your assumption were close and I would say they are basically bang on the mark. Do you have psychic powers or something?? You've been here since page 10 wow.
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Last edited by Keikan; 2008-07-10 at 07:05.
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Old 2008-07-10, 09:48   Link #2295
Shinabaru Nara
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Keikan View Post
Nice character. I would say rather original. I can see the point of combatting White Fang with Tears, makes sense to me. One question, how old was Itachi when Sakeme was fighting??



Ok, good character, though as Zaku said maybe not for the anime or manga but honestly, who cares? Where in the rules for this thread does it state that the characters are meant for the anime or the manga?

There is one little thing in the biography .. why would the Hokage come out of the village for one, at the time, unidentified shinobi? The Kages don't leave their villages for much. I don't think a Kage would leave their village, I just don't think it's believable, unless the genin that was sent back explained the shinobi's abilities and the Kage recognised them somehow. But then he or she would take more them two ANBU. And why were the Genin out alone?? Shouldn't they have a Jounin or at least a Chunin with them? Well I started off on one track and found another . But this is still a good character.
he didnt it was in his village with the anbu and jonin oh and if you read zakus fanfic you would know why they genin were out
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Last edited by Shinabaru Nara; 2008-07-10 at 14:15.
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Old 2008-07-10, 10:33   Link #2296
FuzzyWuzzy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by theBrotherGrimm View Post
FuzzyWuzzy, he might be 15 but you're acting like a 5 year old. On that note, before criticizing other people's creations make sure you know the material we are discussing on this forum. You keep asking all these questions when the information the questions are based on is incorrect. Take me for example. You asked me how Sakeme could not defeat Kakashi with her impressive resume when I was talking about his father, the "White Fang"; I even didn't say she couldn't defeat him. Also, you keep thinking in your little, pessimistic mind that she is in love with the "White Fang" when I flat out told you that she was not in love him! She is in love with an Uchiha!!! There is your answer, the correct answer. Finally, how can a person have a multiple personalities? Okay she can only love and not hate (if you didn't know that was sarcasm). For some reason, you think that people are set in singular mode and not multiple. Sakeme loves her comrads and hates her enemies (every ninja is like this, it's common sense). To end this I would like to say that trying to explain the obvious to you has been as painful as banging my head on a wall. I am glad to say that I no longer care about your opinions or any negative thing you have to say towards me or any of the other members.
I was wrong about the white fang. I can make mistakes, I'm only human. Anyway, your story is all messed up then. If she is in love with a Uchiha then you need to re-word your story. No one knows what eyes or looks Kakashi's father has. The way you word it, you make it sound like you are talking about him. You build up one event then you jump from another. We can't read your mind so you better write your story clearly. Also paragraphs are your friend.

Dan_The_Man: I read some of your works. Although you put effort in them, creating is just not your thing. Effort doesn't equal greatness. Quantity isn't quality. I wonder how being an Bassist is treating you?

But you are right!!! Ninja's should be well rounded. Let's see, Deidara is a long range fighter but let's make him well rounded by giving him leet taijutsu. Sasori should have great taijutsu also. Better yet, they should have genjutsu also. Let's give shikimaru, and temari great taijutsu also. They should have healing powers too. Now they are so well rounded. Kankuro is a medium range fighter and he doesn't have any taijutsu also. Let's give him one too. But how is he going to control the puppets with his arms while fighting with his hands and spinning around? F' that! It doesn't need to make sense. He can do both. Let's make all characters bland. Let's all give them taijutsu, ninjutsu and genjutsu. Let's make them all well rounded. All medical ninja's are now leet taijutsu specialists with genjutsu powers. Hey, it doesn't need to make sense, we don't need any color in this world. Let's make them all well rounded.
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Old 2008-07-10, 19:46   Link #2297
Adediran242
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Join Date: Jun 2007
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@Fuzzy: As ridiculous as thisis going to sound to everyone else, the man/boy/sideshow freak makes some interesting points at times. As much as I respect your point of view and the opinions you give, I honestly am asking you to either tone down (without removing the criticism) or Shut Up. Really.

Criticism is meant to be constructive, not condescending and that's all your criticism is, despite the points you give across. Plus, the ONE character, jutsu or creation of any kind that you have given us was, by many peoples standards, only average. Like it said somewhere in the bible:

Quote:
"Remove the Log from your own eye before trying to remove the speck from others."
or something like that. As much as I like the points you put across, if you aren't trying to make anyone elses character better or you are not making anymore of your own, just be quiet and observe.

~A.242
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Old 2008-07-10, 20:07   Link #2298
Keikan
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Shinabaru Nara View Post
he didnt it was in his village with the anbu and jonin oh and if you read zakus fanfic you would know why they genin were out
I get where I made the mistake. You wrote, "When he arrived ...". I looked back and I couldn't identify where he actually arrived. It makes sense to me now but I'm not so sure if it would make sense to someone reading it for the first time. Maybe you should write something like, "When he arrived at the Leaf ....". Though I may have made another mistake . If I have sorry.
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My name is Kvothe. You may have heard of me.
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Old 2008-07-10, 22:26   Link #2299
theBrotherGrimm
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Age: 25
Hey guys, I know that you are all ready to hear Sakeme's jutsus, but before I do so I have to explain a vital resource for her jutsu-the Itonami water or "Life" water. To give a short history of the water, it was discovered shortly after the Hidden Mist was founded. The water was found at a spring several miles out of the village. The water looked absolutely normal to everyone who passed by it until one day a ninja died an hour after drinking a large dosage of the water. The ninjas as well as the villagers wondered what could have caused his demise. After performing an autopsy on the body, it was discovered that the water and its unique but lethal properties were the cause of death. The medical ninjas reported to the Mizukage that the water had wiped out all of the ninja's chakra along with his remaining energy. They went on to say that the deadly water traveled through the chakra's circulatory system unlike regular water which travels through the urinary system. The water proved to react to the ninja's chakra, intensifying as the flow of chakra intensified more and more in the ninja's body. It also reacted to the chakra by slowly eating it away depending on the amount of Itonami water that has been drunk. Since the ninja drank such a large quantity, the water ate his chakra quickly and moved on to his remaining energy. With no energy to provide for simple bodily functions, such as a heart beat, he died. The Itonami not only affects the human body, but also water as well. A single drop of Itonami water will dilute in regular water and turn it into a weaker, yet potent form of Itonami water called "Itonami Subistitute"."Itonami Substitute" has half the power and effects of its predecessor. The information gained by the medical specialists was recorded and put away in a confidential section. As for the spring, the Mizukage ordered that it be destroyed and that no one go near the area ever again. As time passed, the people forgot about the "Itonami" water and the incident that occurred until one day Sakeme Hisakata found a cave outside the village. After exploring the cave, she discovered a small pool of water inside it. Thirsty, Sakeme cupped her hands and filled her hands with the water. The water glowed a blueish color and she noticed this luckily before she drank it. Sakeme dropped the water and left the cave in confusion. The water's glow was imprinted in her mind and she could not think of anything else but the water she had found. Several days later, as she was training with Elder Obaasan, she told her mentor about what had happened. Elder Obaasan gave a surprised look on her face and was reluctant to tell Sakeme what she knew. Sakeme could tell that Elder Obaasan knew about the water and after using her Wangetsugan on her teacher, Sakeme learned of the ninja's death and the water that killed him (Elder Obaasan was a child when the incident occurred). Elder Obaasan knew that Sakeme had seen her memories and urged her apprentice not to research into the water any further. Sakeme did not reply to this and went on to learn more about the "Itonami" water by reading the records made about it. To avoid bringing any conflicts in the village, Sakeme went and made a base in the cave where she began to develop forbidden techniques that involved the water.
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Old 2008-07-11, 16:26   Link #2300
FuzzyWuzzy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Adediran242 View Post
Criticism is meant to be constructive, not condescending and that's all your criticism is, despite the points you give across.
Criticism is meant to be constructive? All criticism that makes sense are constructive!!! If you put your work for others to see then people will find all the flaw in it. You can either admit that you made mistakes and learn from it or you can bash the one who found it. It's not my fault people in this thread can't handle criticism.

As a guitarist, I will tell you guys something about creativity. There's no room in it for loathing, hate, discrimination or self-proclaimed perfection. Only thing an artist or creator needs to think of is improvement.

It's not my fault you guys have delusions of perfection. You come here hoping people will see the way you see your own work. It won't happen till you write out your thoughts clearly and express them clearly. Having people compliment you on your work when you just realize that your work is crap and doesn't make sense, then you will realize, they don't really understand your work, they are just complimenting you so you can compliment them back cause their delusions of perfection is hungry for attention. It's fake and half lies! It's the world you guys live in. A world for the blind. You guys are lucky, I'm giving it honestly and asking nothing in return.
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