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Old 2008-07-11, 23:29   Link #2301
Mitsu
Momento Mori
 
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Central Illinois
Age: 18
Unhappy Probably going to leave!

As a fellow guitarist, I agree but I hate it how you are being extremely rude and creating problems, sure it's on topic (some of it) but it's annoying and it's just going to make people mad. Also, we do not have 'delusions' of perfection. Why try to be perfect?

I'm sorry but intill everything quiets down I am going leave this thread and maybe for good. I'm tired of coming on to check the thread and there's not very many character/Jutsu's/whatever. Just everyone fighting with FuzzyWuzzy, if you don't like his critisim so bad, just ignore him. I'm neutral, on neither side. I disagree with most things you say though, FuzzyWuzzy. I guess I better be carefull of you now just because i'm just 12, and sure as hell don't want to get regected because of that.
See ya' on some other threads.
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Old 2008-07-12, 01:13   Link #2302
sharingansaskue7
Junior Member
 
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
really i dont care
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Old 2008-07-12, 01:19   Link #2303
sharingansaskue7
Junior Member
 
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
y the hell does anybody bother like anything else accept naruto
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Old 2008-07-12, 01:20   Link #2304
sharingansaskue7
Junior Member
 
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Criticism is meant to be constructive? All criticism that makes sense are constructive!!! If you put your work for others to see then people will find all the flaw in it. You can either admit that you made mistakes and learn from it or you can bash the one who found it. It's not my fault people in this thread can't handle criticism.

As a guitarist, I will tell you guys something about creativity. There's no room in it for loathing, hate, discrimination or self-proclaimed perfection. Only thing an artist or creator needs to think of is improvement.

It's not my fault you guys have delusions of perfection. You come here hoping people will see the way you see your own work. It won't happen till you write out your thoughts clearly and express them clearly. Having people compliment you on your work when you just realize that your work is crap and doesn't make sense, then you will realize, they don't really understand your work, they are just complimenting you so you can compliment them back cause their delusions of perfection is hungry for attention. It's fake and half lies! It's the world you guys live in. A world for the blind. You guys are lucky, I'm giving it honestly and asking nothing in return. thats just gay!
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Old 2008-07-12, 06:51   Link #2305
Deneiro
打児 恵 流
 
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: the Netherlands
Age: 22
A new kekkei genkai

hey guys i came up with a new kekkei genkai!

name: kuikichi (wich means boundary of blood)

It lets the user control the blood in his body!
this kekkei genkai is a skill for taijutsu. becouse the user can control the blood in his body he can make his blood pump troughhis body even faster wich causes enchanced strenght speed and reflexes.

however to get the most power out of this kekkei genkai you have to be a wind-user! a wind user can change the air around him causing his body to create more bloodcells. if the body has enough blood the user can cover his body in blood by releasing it trough his wounds. this shield of blood can protect the users in extreme taijutsu fghts!


the obvious side effect of this skill is that increasing the bloodpressure can cause the users heart to rip apart. this can temporarily be stopped by using parts of the blood to fill the holes but ofcourse it would be best to have a very skilled medic ninja inyour team or be knowledgable about medic-skills yourself.

now you know this its ver clear that this skill cannot be used for a very long time because the user will break down and will be incapable of moving for a certain amount of DAYS!! or in the worst case the user will die!



okey i hope u like this skill and plz comment so i can improve it!!

gr Deneiro
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Old 2008-07-12, 15:48   Link #2306
Illyria
Member
 
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Name: Dawn Lehane
Age: 16
Rank:Unkown
Height: 5'5"
Weight: 125lbs

Hair: long brown and wavy (much like Kurenai's hair) sometimes it will be up.

Eyes:Red like kurenai's but sometimes turn grey or snow color.

Clothes:sometimes she will have black leather pants with black jacket * long like trinity from Matrix* somedays she will have a red long sleave with black leather pants. sometimes Geisha clothes or japanese Dresses. sometimes she wil have the school girl clothes. sometimes she wears a tanktop with one armed sleaved, or a shirt like kurenai's. Her boobs are Pretty Big for a girl her age not as big as tsuande but close. She usually always dressed to impress

Hobbies:Training,Being a geisha, meditating, getting into trouble,flirting with boys *shes really beautiful* exploring, doing quest, helping out.

Equipment:
Kunai
Makibishi
Explosive tags
Twin Blades
Steal Fans
Sais
Cards
needles
flowers

Personality: Dawn is a real party girl, down to Earth, flirty. But when It comes down to Helping she is there to help. shes much like Naruto, full of life.

History: Dawn was born rich with power, her mother was a samurai and a Geisha and her father was a ninja and a king. she was born with a gift that no other has. she was kidnapped and raised evil but escaped and went to help the good guys she trained with Kurenai and Anko in the Leaf village and then she worked with Tsuande. Dawn never really liked the Fact that she was viewed as wepon to others, she had to be treated and trained differently because of what she holds inside of her and her powers. she was favored by Tsuande because Tsuanda knew That Dawn could Kill Itachi and Orochimaru without trying. But Dawn Veiwd fighting as a pointless thing, she thought that is why she left the evil side so she dosnt have to kill anymore and live in harmony, she just wanna perform and live life. she was called the ultmate power which scared her alittle because she knew things are not gonna be good for her. she now Looks for Other ninja who obviously isnt like her because there was only one person who was like her but she search for people who are also special and Rare.

Jutsu: genjustu,Summoning Technique,Cursed Seal jutsu, Ninjutsu, superhuman strength, telekenesis and time minipulation, illusians, Black flames.

other justu: tranformation, Fire Release: Fire Dragon Technique Demonic Illusion: Tree Bind Death
Genjutsu: Flower Petal Escape
Genjutsu: Flower Petal Dissolve

shadow clone justu


Secret Technique: The black Flames, Telekentic fury, hells of doom, Death Row, Skies of Dusk and powerof Force


*ooc-any place to Rp here?
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Old 2008-07-13, 03:36   Link #2307
Deneiro
打児 恵 流
 
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: the Netherlands
Age: 22
comment on Dawn Lehane

__________________________________________________ _____________
Name: Dawn Lehane
Age: 16
Rank:Unkown
Height: 5'5"
Weight: 125lbs

Hair: long brown and wavy (much like Kurenai's hair) sometimes it will be up.

Eyes:Red like kurenai's but sometimes turn grey or snow color.

Clothes:sometimes she will have black leather pants with black jacket * long like trinity from Matrix* somedays she will have a red long sleave with black leather pants. sometimes Geisha clothes or japanese Dresses. sometimes she wil have the school girl clothes. sometimes she wears a tanktop with one armed sleaved, or a shirt like kurenai's. Her boobs are Pretty Big for a girl her age not as big as tsuande but close. She usually always dressed to impress

Hobbies:Training,Being a geisha, meditating, getting into trouble,flirting with boys *shes really beautiful* exploring, doing quest, helping out.

Equipment:
Kunai
Makibishi
Explosive tags
Twin Blades
Steal Fans
Sais
Cards
needles
flowers

Personality: Dawn is a real party girl, down to Earth, flirty. But when It comes down to Helping she is there to help. shes much like Naruto, full of life.

History: Dawn was born rich with power, her mother was a samurai and a Geisha and her father was a ninja and a king. she was born with a gift that no other has. she was kidnapped and raised evil but escaped and went to help the good guys she trained with Kurenai and Anko in the Leaf village and then she worked with Tsuande. Dawn never really liked the Fact that she was viewed as wepon to others, she had to be treated and trained differently because of what she holds inside of her and her powers. she was favored by Tsuande because Tsuanda knew That Dawn could Kill Itachi and Orochimaru without trying. But Dawn Veiwd fighting as a pointless thing, she thought that is why she left the evil side so she dosnt have to kill anymore and live in harmony, she just wanna perform and live life. she was called the ultmate power which scared her alittle because she knew things are not gonna be good for her. she now Looks for Other ninja who obviously isnt like her because there was only one person who was like her but she search for people who are also special and Rare.

Jutsu: genjustu,Summoning Technique,Cursed Seal jutsu, Ninjutsu, superhuman strength, telekenesis and time minipulation, illusians, Black flames.

other justu: tranformation, Fire Release: Fire Dragon Technique Demonic Illusion: Tree Bind Death
Genjutsu: Flower Petal Escape
Genjutsu: Flower Petal Dissolve

shadow clone justu


Secret Technique: The black Flames, Telekentic fury, hells of doom, Death Row, Skies of Dusk and powerof Force

__________________________________________________ _______________




uhm i hope i dont insult you but this character is way to overpowered.
at age 16 she is stronger than one of the legendary sannin((((( think about it: he didn't even die against naruto in his 4-tail kyuubi state!))))) and a ninja who is 4 years older and was declared a genius at the age of 8, he even became anbu at age 12 !!!!!!!( and not to forget he murdered an entire clan!) how can she be stronger at her age!


Only this is way to overpowered already!!

but wait there's even more:

but this range of skills is a little overpowered. she uses Genjutsu, summoning, cursed seal..... oke this could be possible!

then you also add genjutsu.. well oke maybe

but after that its just not even interesting anymore
you just think your character is the best and unbeatable or something like that

because c'mon :: superhuman strength, telekenesis and time minipulation, illusians, Black flames.

first of all if any shinobi had time manipulation he would be invincible its just LAME..

then you already hav a cursed seal wich increases strength troughout the body, but wel you also have superhuman strength.

by the way genjutsu is the art of illusions!! and with black flames youprobably mean a very strong (overpowered) style of Katon.

there is one good point atleast your character has just shadow clone jutsu instead of mass shadow clone jutsu


oh wait im not finished with the bad things yet!!!!!


Secret Technique: The black Flames, Telekentic fury, hells of doom, Death Row, Skies of Dusk and powerof Force

how may ultimate skills are you gonna give her??
this is a little well, a little TO MUCH...

don't get me wrong you have great imagination but just make one with a little moe moderation next time!

like instead of tsunade favored her becoz she can kill itachi and orochimaru
do something like she was favored because she survived fighting 2 chuunin at the age of 9 and tsunade really thinks she has great potential!
it just gives a felling like she isn't somekind of god in human shape!!

im already looking forward to you next post!

gr Deniero
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Old 2008-07-13, 03:39   Link #2308
Deneiro
打児 恵 流
 
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: the Netherlands
Age: 22
that' then you also add genjutsu.. well oke maybe'
should be then you also add ninjutsu.. well oke maybe
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Old 2008-07-13, 04:02   Link #2309
Dan the Man
Defeater of Robot Masters
*Artist
 
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Wherever YOU aren't. Thanks for not visiting... *Sniff*
Age: 27
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Illyria View Post
Name: Dawn Lehane
Age: 16
Rank:Unkown
Height: 5'5"
Weight: 125lbs

Hair: long brown and wavy (much like Kurenai's hair) sometimes it will be up.

Eyes:Red like kurenai's but sometimes turn grey or snow color.

Clothes:sometimes she will have black leather pants with black jacket * long like trinity from Matrix* somedays she will have a red long sleave with black leather pants. sometimes Geisha clothes or japanese Dresses. sometimes she wil have the school girl clothes. sometimes she wears a tanktop with one armed sleaved, or a shirt like kurenai's. Her boobs are Pretty Big for a girl her age not as big as tsuande but close. She usually always dressed to impress

Hobbies:Training,Being a geisha, meditating, getting into trouble,flirting with boys *shes really beautiful* exploring, doing quest, helping out.

Equipment:
Kunai
Makibishi
Explosive tags
Twin Blades
Steal Fans
Sais
Cards
needles
flowers

Personality: Dawn is a real party girl, down to Earth, flirty. But when It comes down to Helping she is there to help. shes much like Naruto, full of life.

History: Dawn was born rich with power, her mother was a samurai and a Geisha and her father was a ninja and a king. she was born with a gift that no other has. she was kidnapped and raised evil but escaped and went to help the good guys she trained with Kurenai and Anko in the Leaf village and then she worked with Tsuande. Dawn never really liked the Fact that she was viewed as wepon to others, she had to be treated and trained differently because of what she holds inside of her and her powers. she was favored by Tsuande because Tsuanda knew That Dawn could Kill Itachi and Orochimaru without trying. But Dawn Veiwd fighting as a pointless thing, she thought that is why she left the evil side so she dosnt have to kill anymore and live in harmony, she just wanna perform and live life. she was called the ultmate power which scared her alittle because she knew things are not gonna be good for her. she now Looks for Other ninja who obviously isnt like her because there was only one person who was like her but she search for people who are also special and Rare.

Jutsu: genjustu,Summoning Technique,Cursed Seal jutsu, Ninjutsu, superhuman strength, telekenesis and time minipulation, illusians, Black flames.

other justu: tranformation, Fire Release: Fire Dragon Technique Demonic Illusion: Tree Bind Death
Genjutsu: Flower Petal Escape
Genjutsu: Flower Petal Dissolve

shadow clone justu


Secret Technique: The black Flames, Telekentic fury, hells of doom, Death Row, Skies of Dusk and powerof Force


*ooc-any place to Rp here?

I've got to agree with Deneiro on this one, she is rather... well... rediculously overpowered. True, we don't see enough truly strong female ninja in Naruto, but Dawn's power is a bit overboard. She's a decent character, she just needs a bit of toning down, and she could be really good.
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Old 2008-07-13, 18:43   Link #2310
mace58
Ketseuka Hagane
*Author
 
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: PA
Age: 21
Send a message via Yahoo to mace58
Quote:
Originally Posted by Deneiro View Post
hey guys i came up with a new kekkei genkai!

name: kuikichi (wich means boundary of blood)

It lets the user control the blood in his body!
this kekkei genkai is a skill for taijutsu. becouse the user can control the blood in his body he can make his blood pump troughhis body even faster wich causes enchanced strenght speed and reflexes.

however to get the most power out of this kekkei genkai you have to be a wind-user! a wind user can change the air around him causing his body to create more bloodcells. if the body has enough blood the user can cover his body in blood by releasing it trough his wounds. this shield of blood can protect the users in extreme taijutsu fghts!


the obvious side effect of this skill is that increasing the bloodpressure can cause the users heart to rip apart. this can temporarily be stopped by using parts of the blood to fill the holes but ofcourse it would be best to have a very skilled medic ninja inyour team or be knowledgable about medic-skills yourself.

now you know this its ver clear that this skill cannot be used for a very long time because the user will break down and will be incapable of moving for a certain amount of DAYS!! or in the worst case the user will die!



okey i hope u like this skill and plz comment so i can improve it!!

gr Deneiro
nice gekkai genkai i like it its pretty cool
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Old 2008-07-13, 18:47   Link #2311
mace58
Ketseuka Hagane
*Author
 
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: PA
Age: 21
Send a message via Yahoo to mace58
Quote:
Originally Posted by Illyria View Post
Name: Dawn Lehane
Age: 16
Rank:Unkown
Height: 5'5"
Weight: 125lbs

Hair: long brown and wavy (much like Kurenai's hair) sometimes it will be up.

Eyes:Red like kurenai's but sometimes turn grey or snow color.

Clothes:sometimes she will have black leather pants with black jacket * long like trinity from Matrix* somedays she will have a red long sleave with black leather pants. sometimes Geisha clothes or japanese Dresses. sometimes she wil have the school girl clothes. sometimes she wears a tanktop with one armed sleaved, or a shirt like kurenai's. Her boobs are Pretty Big for a girl her age not as big as tsuande but close. She usually always dressed to impress

Hobbies:Training,Being a geisha, meditating, getting into trouble,flirting with boys *shes really beautiful* exploring, doing quest, helping out.

Equipment:
Kunai
Makibishi
Explosive tags
Twin Blades
Steal Fans
Sais
Cards
needles
flowers

Personality: Dawn is a real party girl, down to Earth, flirty. But when It comes down to Helping she is there to help. shes much like Naruto, full of life.

History: Dawn was born rich with power, her mother was a samurai and a Geisha and her father was a ninja and a king. she was born with a gift that no other has. she was kidnapped and raised evil but escaped and went to help the good guys she trained with Kurenai and Anko in the Leaf village and then she worked with Tsuande. Dawn never really liked the Fact that she was viewed as wepon to others, she had to be treated and trained differently because of what she holds inside of her and her powers. she was favored by Tsuande because Tsuanda knew That Dawn could Kill Itachi and Orochimaru without trying. But Dawn Veiwd fighting as a pointless thing, she thought that is why she left the evil side so she dosnt have to kill anymore and live in harmony, she just wanna perform and live life. she was called the ultmate power which scared her alittle because she knew things are not gonna be good for her. she now Looks for Other ninja who obviously isnt like her because there was only one person who was like her but she search for people who are also special and Rare.

Jutsu: genjustu,Summoning Technique,Cursed Seal jutsu, Ninjutsu, superhuman strength, telekenesis and time minipulation, illusians, Black flames.

other justu: tranformation, Fire Release: Fire Dragon Technique Demonic Illusion: Tree Bind Death
Genjutsu: Flower Petal Escape
Genjutsu: Flower Petal Dissolve

shadow clone justu


Secret Technique: The black Flames, Telekentic fury, hells of doom, Death Row, Skies of Dusk and powerof Force


*ooc-any place to Rp here?
shes a good character but yeah shes 2 overpowered (cant beat me character lol)
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Old 2008-07-13, 18:48   Link #2312
Sharfan
The Dragon Sage
*Author
 
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Shady spaces and dark places, where animals fear to tread. . .
Age: 21
Hey guys, I am sorry I haven't been posting but as I have said, it is a pain in the butt to post, because of my computer. Anyways I am posting to tell everyone that they are doing really great, and I am not. Except for FuzzyWuzzy, who has been complaining about there not being many original characters, when his is probably the most unoriginal of all. It sounds like a fairytale disney story, created just because a lot of people like fairy tales. Anyways, I am still working on that character, but I will give you a sneak preview.

Spoiler for ready?:


Seriously though, I will try to post more, but when you live close to a cool, refreshing river, and the temperature is 98 degrees F, it is hard not to swim all day.
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Old 2008-07-13, 20:32   Link #2313
The_Dark_One
Homless Shadow
 
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: England
Age: 22
I'm bored... time for some pain.
Combo-Style


Spoiler for Combo 1:


----------------------

Spoiler for Combo 2:



Now for a character...

Name: Pei Havano
Age: ?
Gender: Male
Hair: Long, plaited, and jet black
Eyes: A hazy Purple

Personality: Pei is calm and collected- he analyses every possible detail before his does anything- and I mean ANYTHING. He has almost superhuman amounts of patience, and prefers to listen to silence than babble and conversation.

Backstory: An established Nin of the Village Hidden in the rocks, Pei has had an almost 'easy' life, with him passing the academy, and succeeding in both his chunin and jounin exams with flying colours. He was taken into the Villages war department after his level-headed approach to battle became apparent, and the village then realised this man was in fact a strategical genius, after he won them their next 3 wars with only 5 casulties in total, whereas the enemy had numbers reaching hundreds.
Pei's technqiues of war remain secretive and elude many, as the rock village would not dare give out their secrets, and enemies do not usually live to tell of his genius. However some veterans do talk of it, and drunken jounin tend to be far less secretive. Pei has been known to use the Villages boulders as a powerful bonus, using them to roll down hills and destroy enemy battlaions and base camps shile using no manpower- hes been known to hollow out these boulders as well, so that when the walls have been breached, the nin can burst out immediately and start killing the confused enemy straight away.

Example Techniques:
Jutsu Name: Hallowed Company
Element: Genjutsu
Effect: This is a powerful genjutsu that can trick an entire enemy army into thinking that the allied forces are far greater than they actually are. Pei likes to make the enemy think that they are up against millions, while they are actually up against hundreds.

Jutsu Name : Loa Stream
Element : Water
Effect: Pei calls forth any nearby spring of water to be redirected to his locations and surface into a spring. This can fuel his armies with water and help him restock on supplies with little fuss.

Jutsu Name : Fire of the Dawn
Element : Genjutsu
Effect: This is the only genjutsu you use against your allies.
Pei forces his technique into his own forces, and it stays with them for at least a day, at most 3 days. Although the forces are not hindered to disillusioned in anyway, Pei can make them see massive blue flames at locations, meaning so long as Pei is controlling them from his control point with a geographical map, he can steer them anyway he wants using this technique. This allows for no relay time for tactics, vastily increasing pei's forces speed and efficiency.
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Old 2008-07-14, 07:03   Link #2314
Zaku Hyuga
Domo Ori Gato Mr. Roboto
*Author
 
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Village Hidden in the Leaves
Age: 22
Deneiro: Wow that is an awesome kekkei genkai! And stronger than you think I'm sure against fresher(younger more inexperienced) ninja they would freak out at that especially girls, they wouldn't even want to get near the guy, and probably some older ninja too. It would just create this shock or fear inside of them, that could make a huge opening. You've already got a great drawback for it so it's not over powered, knowing me had I made it up he would be able to shape it or manipulate it into weapons, something like that, but I think it's great the way you have it really good job.

Illyria: Deneiro hit the nail on the head in his comment on your character, and pretty much covered everything so there isn't really anything I can add. But yes try another character and try not to make her/him so powerful next time, nice to see a konouichi for a change!

Katoso: I really like the combo jutsu, especially the first. The second just seems to me it would take too long to set up before the opponent got out of it or away from the range of one of the first set up tchniques. They are really great ideas though. Your new character is pretty good too, it just seems his jutsu are a wee bit strong for anybody to use. The genjutsu being able to effect the entire army, I have a hard time seeing an expert in genjutsu maybe being able to pull it off. And I'd think the Loa Stream would require more than one ninja, the chakra usage would be incredible. And the Fire of the Dawn, I don't think he would be able from one point be able to cast this jutsu to such far away places, and how would he be able to know where they are going from such far away, even if he had scouts by the time they returned the enemy would already be past where the scout saw them. Besides some overpowered jutsu, cool ideas though, good character.
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Old 2008-07-14, 21:56   Link #2315
Illyria
Member
 
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
How about now?

Name: Dawn Lehane
Age: 16
Rank:Unkown
Height: 5'5"
Weight: 125lbs

Hair: long brown and wavy (much like Kurenai's hair) sometimes it will be up.

Eyes:Red like kurenai's but sometimes turn grey or snow color.

Clothes:sometimes she will have black leather pants with black jacket * long like trinity from Matrix* somedays she will have a red long sleave with black leather pants. sometimes Geisha clothes or japanese Dresses. sometimes she wil have the school girl clothes. sometimes she wears a tanktop with one armed sleaved, or a shirt like kurenai's. Her boobs are Pretty Big for a girl her age not as big as tsuande but close. She usually always dressed to impress

Hobbies:Training,Being a geisha, meditating, getting into trouble,flirting with boys *shes really beautiful* exploring, doing quest, helping out.

Equipment:
Kunai
Makibishi
Explosive tags
Twin Blades
Steal Fans
Sais
Cards
needles
flowers

Personality: Dawn is a real party girl, down to Earth, flirty. But when It comes down to Helping she is there to help. shes much like Naruto, full of life.

History: Dawn was born rich with power, her mother was a samurai and a Geisha and her father was a ninja and a king. she was born with a gift that no other has. she was kidnapped and raised evil but escaped and went to help the good guys she trained with Kurenai and Anko in the Leaf village and then she worked with Tsuande. Dawn never really liked that she had to be treated and trained differently because of what she holds inside of her and her powers. she was trained and watched carefully by Tsuande because Tsuanda knew That Dawn had a good chance on holding her own against Itachi and Orochimaru. but she just wanna perform and live life. she now Looks for Other ninja who obviously isnt like her because there was only one person who was like her but she search for people who are also special and Rare. The only problem is that alot of her gifts isnt developed so they dont last as long as she expects them to.

Jutsu: genjustu, summoning Technique( depending on her mood and confindence it could be good or bad, superhuman strength (can only use it 3 times if she continues she could go in a coma) , telekenesis(cant lift things over 200 pounds), time minipulation (lasts 30 secs), illusians( lasts about 20 min), Black flames.

other justu: transformation, Fire Release: Fire Dragon Technique, Demonic Illusion: Tree Bind Death

shadow clone justu ( can only make about 50 )


Secret Technique: The black Flames, Telekentic fury

weakness- any time she uses her she uses her Secret Technique to early or misses or using it while she is wounded she gets Paralized for at least 10-20 min giving. Another bad thing about her Jutsu is that she hasnt fully trained her body to hold the gifts and Jutsu she possesses and if she pushes harder then she could do it can cause her to go in a coma or even Death
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Old 2008-07-15, 06:30   Link #2316
Deneiro
打児 恵 流
 
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: the Netherlands
Age: 22
Uhm !!!! ya dont quit get it huh

uhmi dont rly know how much you hve learned from the comments but atleast you added a weakness...
BUT STILL

and by the way your shadow clones!! a normal kagebuunshin is about 5-10 clones but you have 50
thats like narutos mass shadow clones!! and therefore you need a massive amount of chakra( yeah right ONLY 50)

i rly dont want to insult you but 1 of the most important things i meant last time wasn't its wrong to have something imba but if you have something imba you should make up for it with a fatal weakness but then again you have only imba things! (time manipulation! how short doesn't matter its to imba!!!!)
(and telekinesis is even worse its way more than a little overpowned)

im rly happy you reduced your ultimates from 5 to 2

but with the range of skills you have even 1 is to much
but next to the range of skills the skills are a little imba

so at your next post plz try to make your range a little smaller like scrapping telekinesis and intead say what kind of element she uses and try to think of a skill with that element that works kind of like telekinesis but then isnt to overpowered and i like to get a little better explenation about time manipulation because if you look at it generally it is overpowned but if you explain it better and put several klimts on it it may be strong but not to overpowned.
i like the part with capable of using superhuman strenth only 3 times
oh and scrap illusions because illusions and genjutsu are kind off one and the same thing!

overal you made some improvements but your not there yet!
im looking forward to ur next posts


ah and could you tell me what kind of summoning you came up with because you only say summoning and not what so it kinda makes me curious^^


__________________________________________________ ______________

oh and to the rest
i finished the clan history stuff about the character i once made ((i said he was 15 almost 16 then)) coz he has both wind and water and back there i said he cant use it yet but has potential for lightning. and i finished how he looks at age 19 and i was wondering if it would be to overpowned if he can use lightning to now?
plz tell me


gr deneiro
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Old 2008-07-15, 06:36   Link #2317
Adediran242
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Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: *intake of breath* BEHIND YOU!!!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Deneiro View Post
uhmi dont rly know how much you hve learned from the comments but atleast you added a weakness...
BUT STILL

and by the way your shadow clones!! a normal kagebuunshin is about 5-10 clones but you have 50
thats like narutos mass shadow clones!! and therefore you need a massive amount of chakra( yeah right ONLY 50)

i rly dont want to insult you but 1 of the most important things i meant last time wasn't its wrong to have something imba but if you have something imba you should make up for it with a fatal weakness but then again you have only imba things! (time manipulation! how short doesn't matter its to imba!!!!)
(and telekinesis is even worse its way more than a little overpowned)

im rly happy you reduced your ultimates from 5 to 2

but with the range of skills you have even 1 is to much
but next to the range of skills the skills are a little imba

so at your next post plz try to make your range a little smaller like scrapping telekinesis and intead say what kind of element she uses and try to think of a skill with that element that works kind of like telekinesis but then isnt to overpowered and i like to get a little better explenation about time manipulation because if you look at it generally it is overpowned but if you explain it better and put several klimts on it it may be strong but not to overpowned.
i like the part with capable of using superhuman strenth only 3 times
oh and scrap illusions because illusions and genjutsu are kind off one and the same thing!

overal you made some improvements but your not there yet!
im looking forward to ur next posts


ah and could you tell me what kind of summoning you came up with because you only say summoning and not what so it kinda makes me curious^^


__________________________________________________ ______________

oh and to the rest
i finished the clan history stuff about the character i once made ((i said he was 15 almost 16 then)) coz he has both wind and water and back there i said he cant use it yet but has potential for lightning. and i finished how he looks at age 19 and i was wondering if it would be to overpowned if he can use lightning to now?
plz tell me


gr deneiro
You took the words right out of my mouth. I think I like this guy. +rep for you.
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Old 2008-07-15, 09:57   Link #2318
Illyria
Member
 
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
well

Name: Dawn Lehane
Age: 16
Rank:Unkown
Height: 5'5"
Weight: 125lbs

Hair: long brown and wavy (much like Kurenai's hair) sometimes it will be up.

Eyes:Red like kurenai's but sometimes turn grey or snow color.

Clothes:sometimes she will have black leather pants with black jacket * long like trinity from Matrix* somedays she will have a red long sleave with black leather pants. sometimes Geisha clothes or japanese Dresses. sometimes she wil have the school girl clothes. sometimes she wears a tanktop with one armed sleaved, or a shirt like kurenai's. Her boobs are Pretty Big for a girl her age not as big as tsuande but close. She usually always dressed to impress

Hobbies:Training,Being a geisha, meditating, getting into trouble,flirting with boys *shes really beautiful* exploring, doing quest, helping out.

Equipment:
Kunai
Makibishi
Explosive tags
Twin Blades
Steal Fans
Sais
Cards
needles
flowers

Personality: Dawn is a real party girl, down to Earth, flirty. But when It comes down to Helping she is there to help. shes much like Naruto, full of life.

History: Dawn was born rich with power, her mother was a samurai and a Geisha and her father was a ninja and a king. she was born with a gift that no other has. she was kidnapped and raised evil but escaped and went to help the good guys she trained with Kurenai and Anko in the Leaf village and then she worked with Tsuande. Dawn never really liked that she had to be treated and trained differently because of what she holds inside of her and her powers. she was trained and watched carefully by Tsuande because Tsuanda knew That Dawn had a good chance on holding her own against Itachi and Orochimaru. but she just wanna perform and live life. she now Looks for Other ninja who obviously isnt like her because there was only one person who was like her but she search for people who are also special and Rare. The only problem is that alot of her gifts isnt developed so they dont last as long as she expects them to.

Jutsu: genjustu, summoning Technique( depending on her mood and confindence it could be good or bad, superhuman strength (can only use it 3 times if she continues she could go in a coma) , time minipulation (lasts 30 secs and its usually only use is to escape or sometime to gain strength back) Black flames.

other justu: transformation, Fire Release: Fire Dragon Technique, Demonic Illusion: Tree Bind Death

her summoning techinque is a Black phoenix but depending how she feels it could be a little baby chick

her telekenesis comes from her her shadow minipulation she can minipulate shadows obviously if theres not shadows by her she cant minpulate it and if it is a small shadow she cant really use it to make it hurt anybody alot. if there is alot she could use it to pick things up and move things she can lift things around her weight and use them against her opponents which will hurt badly but not fatal her oppont wont be down they could still fight and could win, she can also use her shadows like a whip which will also hurt but not fatal

Secret Technique: The black Flames, Shadow Telekentic fury

weakness- any time she uses her she uses her Secret Technique to early or misses or using it while she is wounded she gets Paralized for at least 10-20 min giving. Another bad thing about her Jutsu is that she hasnt fully trained her body to hold the gifts and Jutsu she possesses and if she pushes harder then she could do it can cause her to go in a coma or even Death
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Last edited by Illyria; 2008-07-15 at 10:08.
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Old 2008-07-15, 11:48   Link #2319
SpyderSidiouss
Banned
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: PA
Spoiler for saving space for this load of ____:


People keep telling you to same things and you're not listening; you keep posting this ridiculously over powered character saying "well" and "what about now" and expect people to say "omg what a good character! good job, yadda yadda yadda", well NO. I don't think its a good job at all, all you did was take a bunch of strong techniques from other characters and cram them in to your abonination, theres no originality, i can think of all the places you got the powers from off the top of my head right now(even if you didnt get them from where im thinking that just shows you the lack of originality since the powers are so common). Some people have tried to be nice and not say anything, but you need to hear the truth. You changed your character up 3 times and people still haven't told you good job; just create a new one and never, ever, post this abonination again.
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Old 2008-07-15, 17:28   Link #2320
Adediran242
Konoha-nin =[(:<@-:)]=
 
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: *intake of breath* BEHIND YOU!!!
I wouldn't use such harsh words Illyria, but Spyder Sidiouss' comments hold some truth, despite how scathing they might sound. You aren't listening alot to what we've said and you're kinda taking jutsu from canons. The spelling and grammar is quite poor as well, I'm assuming English isn't your first language? Another issue I have to raise is the equipment. Carrying all of that, plus the standard shinobi equipment would've killed her, if not because of the sheer weight she is lugging around, then because she's too slow to avoid a simple kunai throw. You need to do a total revamp.

@Sidiouss: For such harsh critique, without any real signs of how to improve the character, I dare you, (no DOUBLE dare) to make an intresting, unique, original character. Call it a punishment of sorts ;D
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