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Old 2006-04-18, 16:00   Link #41
Psieye
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Ok, finally finished going through Chapter 1.

Aside from the regular grammar/tense checks, I've also made some style edits (making it flow more naturally). I'm trying to stay loyal to the novel's style/atmosphere but I only have 2 (soon to be 3) episodes of the anime to go on and the very translated work I'm editing. Therefore I'd appreciate if someone who can read the novels goes over my corrections to check I haven't messed up the style.

Of course, feel free to change back any of my edits that are inappropriate. And thank you again to thelastguardian and Kinny Riddle ^^

Next time, I'm gonna have to break down and edit each chapter in pieces - waaay too long to do an entire chapter in one sitting.
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Old 2006-04-18, 18:52   Link #42
mp3chan
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You made it better Psieye. Much appreciated guys! I would never understand the novel without your hard work.

Last edited by mp3chan; 2006-04-18 at 21:45.
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Old 2006-04-18, 18:56   Link #43
Mazus
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Indeed, the chapter seems to flow better then before. Thanks alot for editting it Psieye
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Old 2006-04-18, 18:59   Link #44
Onizuka-GTO
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ahh. welcome tothe Haruhi-wiki!! Everyone can edit!

haruhi bless wiki

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Old 2006-04-18, 20:21   Link #45
Akuma-sama
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Bless you guys for the translation
Very much appreciated

I wonder if we can start an Animesuki Novel Translation group... I nominate Marimite as a project!

Edit: "we" does not count me; my grasp in japanese can barely let me gloss through Negima or Mai Otome Mangas with a basic idea of what's going on; never mind reading a novel. And the only words I know in Chinese (Mandarin, really) are Nihao and Xiexie.
...if there's a French<=>English project, though, I could help... not likely though.
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Old 2006-04-18, 22:47   Link #46
Bishoujomae
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I'll help out as well as I can read chinese and I'm studying Japanese right now. This is a little chance to test my Chinese and Japanese :P On the other hand, since this is translated in Taiwanese (Chinese) it might be a little more difficult to translate. I've had experience with Taiwanese translation and it was more difficult to understand than those translated from the mainland.
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Old 2006-04-19, 13:24   Link #47
Cruzz
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As a fan of literal translations, and as someone who has way too much free time on his hands, I tried making an alternate translation for everyone to laugh at. To be honest it turned out somewhat better than I expected, though it did also take quite a while. By the way, this is based on the original japanese version.

Anyway, this translation is as literal as I could make it without sounding awful, at times overly so no doubt. Got influenced by afk with a couple of lines too.

PS. Quality Control is for wimps, real men make the users test the product out. I don't think I've read this particular version through a single time. No doubt the translations for certain things are fairly inconsistent, and there might be a fair bit of confusion with tenses. If there's some actual interest in this thing, I'll see about fixing said things.

http://koti.mbnet.fi/~cruzz/haruhi/Haruhi.html

(As I did the html page in a really cheap way [ <pre> ], it's kinda sensitive to encoding. If the quotation marks appear as evil symbols of doom (kanji), try switching to a western encoding.)
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Old 2006-04-19, 13:24   Link #48
Onizuka-GTO
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wooaah! chapter 3 been updated!

is it just me, or did Riddle use the same english translated phrase as was in the AFK fansub?

during the conversation with yuki?

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Old 2006-04-19, 14:44   Link #49
Kinny Riddle
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Onizuka-GTO
wooaah! chapter 3 been updated!

is it just me, or did Riddle use the same english translated phrase as was in the AFK fansub?

during the conversation with yuki?

You noticed, huh? It was hard trying to make sure Yuki sounded as brief as possible, as originally I had more words for Yuki's sentences, and that was too unlike her. So I decided to look up on some helpful reference.

Chapter 3 is still currently in progress.

Spoiler for "Blue Giant" question:
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Old 2006-04-19, 14:58   Link #50
panzerfan
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the closest word would be Titan I guess.
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Old 2006-04-19, 15:16   Link #51
Psieye
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Hmm... *compares Cruzz's translation*

I take it it's the novel's style that dialogue is written as it is - a new line with no indication of who actually spoke (though 99% of the time it's easy to figure out by context)? As opposed to...
Quote:
Originally Posted by example
"......" A said.
".........." B replied.
"............................" A blurted out.
".........." B calmly stated.

Either way I've taken a look at part of Cruzz's translation and as far as style goes, it does appeal to me more. Hmm, would be a shame for it to disappear off people's radars. But available time for editing/translating is always an issue...

Even if you didn't do any editing to it, maybe you could let your work be externally linked to from the Wiki? As a reference in style.



Quote:
You noticed, huh? It was hard trying to make sure Yuki sounded as brief as possible, as originally I had more words for Yuki's sentences, and that was too unlike her. So I decided to look up on some helpful reference.
Certainly it's efficient and I think it's good to acknowledge when someone else's phrasing is best. Perhaps we should put a 'credits/acknowledgements' section at the bottom of that chapter just to clear things up for future readers who may also notice?
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Old 2006-04-19, 15:45   Link #52
Cruzz
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Psieye
Hmm... *compares Cruzz's translation*

I take it it's the novel's style that dialogue is written as it is - a new line with no indication of who actually spoke (though 99% of the time it's easy to figure out by context)? As opposed to...

Either way I've taken a look at part of Cruzz's translation and as far as style goes, it does appeal to me more. Hmm, would be a shame for it to disappear off people's radars. But available time for editing/translating is always an issue...

Even if you didn't do any editing to it, maybe you could let your work be externally linked to from the Wiki? As a reference in style.
You're more or less correct. In addition to it generally being clear who is talking, you can often distinguish the character from little stylistic things in their lines anyway (in the japanese text of course, it's more or less impossible to express those differences in written English). Atleast I didn't add or remove any of those indicators (not sure about Kenny), so the frequency they appear in in my translation is the same as in the actual novel.

Also, glad to hear that you found it appealing. Always nice get a positive first comment.
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Old 2006-04-19, 16:53   Link #53
Psieye
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cruzz
You're more or less correct. In addition to it generally being clear who is talking, you can often distinguish the character from little stylistic things in their lines anyway (in the japanese text of course, it's more or less impossible to express those differences in written English). Atleast I didn't add or remove any of those indicators (not sure about Kenny), so the frequency they appear in in my translation is the same as in the actual novel.

Also, glad to hear that you found it appealing. Always nice get a positive first comment.
Ah yes, I'd forgotten about those characteristic dialect tweaks which are like accents verbalised.
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Old 2006-04-19, 17:08   Link #54
Onizuka-GTO
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kinny Riddle
You noticed, huh? It was hard trying to make sure Yuki sounded as brief as possible, as originally I had more words for Yuki's sentences, and that was too unlike her. So I decided to look up on some helpful reference.

Chapter 3 is still currently in progress.

Spoiler for "Blue Giant" question:
Well what ever fits it best. I don't afk will be that anal to be all over you for taking that very well structured English translation.

As for the spoiler thing.

Yeah, if you can't be bothered translation it, just stick with the japanese name, but if not, i would go with leviathan, colossus or even seraphim, meaning godly being.
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Old 2006-04-19, 17:22   Link #55
Thelastguardian
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kinny Riddle
Spoiler for "Blue Giant" question:
If it was up to me, all the specialize words would be in Roman. form with notes attached to the back.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Psieye
"......" A said.
".........." B replied.
"............................" A blurted out.
".........." B calmly stated.
That is the Harry Potter style that so many people hate. Frankly I got tired of this repetition halfway thru the first novel.

Even we, the native readers, have to guess which character says the line.

Clearification- the SH novels do have them, just not that many.

I can't really comment on Cruzz's style. I am biased, of course; I did translated the same chapter. There are many lines in the chapter that you translated better than I did though. Prop to that.

But the novels (Japanese and Chinese alike) give me a more literal feeling (light novel indeed). When you use formal English to express the story, it just feels weird.
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Old 2006-04-19, 23:10   Link #56
The Undertaker
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Keep up the great work! I've been reading your chapters on the train~ almost missed my stop lol
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Old 2006-04-20, 02:00   Link #57
Cruzz
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Thelastguardian
I can't really comment on Cruzz's style. I am biased, of course; I did translated the same chapter. There are many lines in the chapter that you translated better than I did though. Prop to that.

But the novels (Japanese and Chinese alike) give me a more literal feeling (light novel indeed). When you use formal English to express the story, it just feels weird.
You prefer your style and I prefer mine, nothing new on the planet there. Personally, I don't find your version to be that much closer to the feel of the original either. We'd need a third party to actually give a reasonable opinion about that though.

By the way, if anyone is burning with a passion for editing, feel free to vent that passion into my text, no need to ask for permission. Just let me know after you finish so I can steal your hard work (and possibly whine at you about some changes).

Will start on the second chapter today I guess. Uploaded a placeholder page for it now (woaaaah, a whopping 3 lines of translation!), and updated the first chapter with some minor editing changes. Still haven't gotten around to looking at the tense problems.
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Old 2006-04-20, 04:19   Link #58
Onizuka-GTO
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hey, wouldn't it be faster and better if all you translators just get together?

surely, more people working to progress the story, then for loads of people working from the beginning just to catch up with everyone else is just self-defeating.

or im i wrong? :/
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Old 2006-04-20, 04:35   Link #59
Kazu-kun
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I agree with Onizuka: all the translators working together seems to be the best way to go...
Then you guys could work on different chapters at the same time. It would be a lot faster!
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Old 2006-04-20, 04:43   Link #60
Onizuka-GTO
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yeah, and it doesn't mean you can't use your own style, besides if you use the baka-tsuki site, you get free proof-reading editors!

The wonders of the wiki-powers!

Just dump your translations there, and i don't see why both style can be used, no one gonna dramatically change it all. you can always revert if someone got the balls to do it.

and plus give you more time translating and leave the minor details to use hard working wannabe editors who have to read it again...and..again..and again.

haruhi-addiction is real.

might as well make use of it.
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