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Old 2009-12-09, 16:00   Link #2421
0utf0xZer0
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Join Date: Oct 2006
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Crusader View Post
Anyhow went to her job, which is strange for me, because it seemed more like a rich person's place. I went there and distracted her from her job for three hours, and i asked her out. I was amazed she even remembered everything i use to say to her. She asked my why i liked her, and i explained that she was different and she was the only person i really have deep deep conversations with. She explained that she was really looking for someone, and she still didn't get why i liked her, but we could start out with hanging out more and talking more.

Personally this makes me happy, but at the same time i'm a little nervous because this all seems surreal to me. Further more I don't understand why she don't understand that i like her. I guess i could have went into more detail, and told her my exact reasons, but i didn't wanna get too sentimental, not to mention i'm guessing she still has self esteem issues.Or I'm ugly as sin (not likely).
If it makes you feel any better, you handled the "why?" question a lot better than I did when I made my first confession. I got flustered and said something about "how do you expect me to answer that?". It really wasn't that complicated a reason - she's cute and she shares some of my major interests - but I wasn't really thinking straight.

As to why she asked... going by the ages and timeframes you're giving, right now she would be about 18 while you're around 22? The ages in my case are pretty much exactly the same, and I kind of doubt most 18 year old girls are used to getting attention from guys our age.
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Old 2009-12-10, 17:21   Link #2422
Habhome
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What are you guys' views on long distance relationships?
How long do you think one can keep a long distance relationship before you'd have to make it "local" for it not to burst?
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Old 2009-12-10, 17:26   Link #2423
Narona
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Originally Posted by Habhome View Post
What are you guys' views on long distance relationships?
How long do you think one can keep a long distance relationship before you'd have to make it "local" for it not to burst?
Depends. You can always find cases of couple for which it worked. All depends on the individuals.

And don't forget long distance relationships are not only for unmarried couples. Take the example of couple when the guy is in the army and spends most of the time outside of his own country. You might think it's difficult and that most couples fail at it.

Yet, on this forum, I'll not say who, but there is a member who has parents in this case. And guess what? Their relationship is still as strong as ever from what I know.

The best is to talk to your GF a lot. It might work "if" you two can handle the distance and the time it took before one of you two will move to the other person's place for good.
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Old 2009-12-10, 19:05   Link #2424
Habhome
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Originally Posted by Narona View Post
Depends. You can always find cases of couple for which it worked. All depends on the individuals.

And don't forget long distance relationships are not only for unmarried couples. Take the example of couple when the guy is in the army and spends most of the time outside of his own country. You might think it's difficult and that most couples fail at it.

Yet, on this forum, I'll not say who, but there is a member who has parents in this case. And guess what? Their relationship is still as strong as ever from what I know.

The best is to talk to your GF a lot. It might work "if" you two can handle the distance and the time it took before one of you two will move to the other person's place for good.
Yeah, I like to believe it depends a lot on the individuals too.

You probably guessed that I'm involved in a long distance relationship from the question, and I'd like to believe we'll make it. We're both stubborn like hell and refuse to fail.
And we speak to each other every day, whenever we can.

Though we're both going to attend Uni in our own countries, so it'll be over 3 years until anyone can move..
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Old 2009-12-10, 19:09   Link #2425
Narona
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Originally Posted by Habhome View Post
Yeah, I like to believe it depends a lot on the individuals too.

You probably guessed that I'm involved in a long distance relationship from the question, and I'd like to believe we'll make it. We're both stubborn like hell and refuse to fail.
And we speak to each other every day, whenever we can.

Though we're both going to attend Uni in our own countries, so it'll be over 3 years until anyone can move..
I didn't guess it. You said it yourself ealier in a different thread. You love a girl from czech republic (East Europe FTW, hum hum, sorry I had to promote it xD) and you spend all your money to be able to see her a few times (which i think is very romantic, and i think she thinks the same)

I hope it will work out. Keep hoping for now

But may i ask, did something happen, or did she say something that made you wonder it could fail?
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Old 2009-12-10, 19:29   Link #2426
Habhome
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Originally Posted by Narona View Post
I didn't guess it. You said it yourself ealier in a different thread. You love a girl from czech republic (East Europe FTW, hum hum, sorry I had to promote it xD) and you spend all your money to be able to see her a few times (which i think is very romantic, and i think she thinks the same)

I hope it will work out. Keep hoping for now

But may i ask, did something happen, or did she say something that made you wonder it could fail?
Oh yeah, I did. Forgot about that.

And no, nothing happened. I'm just tired, and when I'm tired I get easily depressed and stuff. And I heard a few things I didn't like and I got a bit down. Don't feel like going into detail, I'd feel totally stupid for being jealous about something like that, but I do get easily jealous. And I was a bit reminded of when I said something about it on the forum where we met, and I got totally bashed by someone who said we were naive idiots for thinking we could make it work.

As a side note, it's 16 days until I get to see her again, and I haven't seen her for over a month. And it'll be even longer between this time and the next..

And now I'm acting all depressed again, stop it Hab! *slap self*
I'm going to bed for now..
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Old 2009-12-10, 19:36   Link #2427
Tsuyoshi
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Habhome View Post
Oh yeah, I did. Forgot about that.

And no, nothing happened. I'm just tired, and when I'm tired I get easily depressed and stuff. And I heard a few things I didn't like and I got a bit down. Don't feel like going into detail, I'd feel totally stupid for being jealous about something like that, but I do get easily jealous. And I was a bit reminded of when I said something about it on the forum where we met, and I got totally bashed by someone who said we were naive idiots for thinking we could make it work.

As a side note, it's 16 days until I get to see her again, and I haven't seen her for over a month. And it'll be even longer between this time and the next..

And now I'm acting all depressed again, stop it Hab! *slap self*
I'm going to bed for now..
Take this from someone who'se already been there, being jealous of someone is the easiest trap if you're in a long distance relationship, especially because you may or may not know all the details about what your significant other is doing. However, considering you two have known each other long enough and have already seen each other, I don't think you should worry yourself over it. Think of it this way, she wouldn't spend so much time over you despite the distance if she wasn't really in love with you. So be thankful and hope for the best! I'm sure everything will be great on your end
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Old 2009-12-10, 19:38   Link #2428
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I always thought Long distance relationships gave a person time to get to know each other, but at the same time, some people have to be able to physically touch that special someone, and tend to look for something close by. However, you can make it work only if she's still willing to. I can't speak from experiance, as i have never tried it, but good luck none the less Habhome.
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Old 2009-12-10, 19:41   Link #2429
Narona
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Originally Posted by Habhome View Post
Oh yeah, I did. Forgot about that.

And no, nothing happened. I'm just tired, and when I'm tired I get easily depressed and stuff. And I heard a few things I didn't like and I got a bit down. Don't feel like going into detail, I'd feel totally stupid for being jealous about something like that, but I do get easily jealous. And I was a bit reminded of when I said something about it on the forum where we met, and I got totally bashed by someone who said we were naive idiots for thinking we could make it work.

As a side note, it's 16 days until I get to see her again, and I haven't seen her for over a month. And it'll be even longer between this time and the next..

And now I'm acting all depressed again, stop it Hab! *slap self*
I'm going to bed for now..
Jaelous because she talked about another boy? ^^ Without making it a big deal, you can discuss it with her you know. Just use the right wording, and don't yell nor act as if she was your personal item.

About people who criticize you. You know, people like to criticize other couples even when said couples have no problems at all. Maybe your relationship will fail, it could happen. But for now, that's not something you should get depressed about. As Yoko would probably say, the more you think it will fail, the more there are chances it will fail for real. Don't listen to morons (and i bet a good bunch of them are bitter morons who have nothing better to do than criticizing you)

I'll add what Yoko said to me on msn:

Quote:
Long distance relationships can work if there is the absolute certainty both parties will be able to see each other at some point, and if both parties are willing to make that happen
Only you two can make it happens (minus if one of your parents are against it) if you truly work for it with all your might. I'll just add that you both need to cultivate Patience. Humans are not that good when it comes to Patience, so you will need to put efforts in it. Both. Courage que Diable, as French would say xD
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Old 2009-12-10, 19:56   Link #2430
Habhome
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Originally Posted by Yoko Takeo View Post
Take this from someone who'se already been there, being jealous of someone is the easiest trap if you're in a long distance relationship, especially because you may or may not know all the details about what your significant other is doing. However, considering you two have known each other long enough and have already seen each other, I don't think you should worry yourself over it. Think of it this way, she wouldn't spend so much time over you despite the distance if she wasn't really in love with you. So be thankful and hope for the best! I'm sure everything will be great on your end
True, and neither would she come all the way to Sweden to see me either.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Crusader View Post
I always thought Long distance relationships gave a person time to get to know each other, but at the same time, some people have to be able to physically touch that special someone, and tend to look for something close by. However, you can make it work only if she's still willing to. I can't speak from experiance, as i have never tried it, but good luck none the less Habhome.
Thanks ^^

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Originally Posted by Narona View Post
Jaelous because she talked about another boy? ^^ Without making it a big deal, you can discuss it with her you know. Just use the right wording, and don't yell nor act as if she was your personal item.

About people who criticize you. You know, people like to criticize other couples even when said couples have no problems at all. Maybe your relationship will fail, it could happen. But for now, that's not something you should get depressed about. As Yoko would probably say, the more you think it will fail, the more there are chances it will fail for real. Don't listen to morons (and i bet a good bunch of them are bitter morons who have nothing better to do than criticizing you)

I'll add what Yoko said to me on msn:



Only you two can make it happens (minus if one of your parents are against it) if you truly work for it with all your might. I'll just add that you both need to cultivate Patience. Humans are not that good when it comes to Patience, so you will need to put efforts in it. Both. Courage que Diable, as French would say xD
No, it wasn't her talking about some other boy. It was about her Graduation Ball (Which her parents forbid me to attend, even if I could've skipped school and come there...) where they had a performance. In said performance they had to be paired up with someone of the other sex. And well, the dancing they did wasn't explicitly erotic, but it was borderline. I just didn't like it, especially not with the costumes they wore.

And we've discussed it, I told her before even I wouldn't like it. We have no problem talking about stuff like that, which is probably a plus.

And the guy who said it, I don't really care much what he said, sometimes I just get reminded of his words anyway.

When it comes to patience, I am uncommonly patient already. And about parents being against, well. Mine didn't really like the idea at first, but they say it's up to me and accept it. They really like her as a person too. And her parents don't mind me as a person, but her mother isn't happy about her not being able to understand me at all, since she's bad at English ( the mother). And they don't agree to the distance at all. They want her to have some Czech guy.

But well, I know her (the girl I love that is), and she's not interested in the kind of guys who make out the majority of the male population (If I'm allowed to generalize =P).

Moving to bed for real this time, I'll check back in here tomorrow.
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Old 2009-12-10, 20:04   Link #2431
Narona
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Originally Posted by Habhome View Post
No, it wasn't her talking about some other boy. It was about her Graduation Ball (Which her parents forbid me to attend, even if I could've skipped school and come there...) where they had a performance. In said performance they had to be paired up with someone of the other sex. And well, the dancing they did wasn't explicitly erotic, but it was borderline. I just didn't like it, especially not with the costumes they wore.

And we've discussed it, I told her before even I wouldn't like it. We have no problem talking about stuff like that, which is probably a plus.
That's good that you discussed about it. I don't want to scare you, but yes that kind of Ball can have a certain effect, and whatever how she could feel about it, since you talked both about it, she'll remind herself that she should not lost her mind because of that "special/magical" bal aura.

I understand your concern perfectly, and no it's not bad to have felt something. Feel better now ?

Quote:
And the guy who said it, I don't really care much what he said, sometimes I just get reminded of his words anyway.
Just post this to them next time:

Spoiler for .:


Quote:
When it comes to patience, I am uncommonly patient already. And about parents being against, well. Mine didn't really like the idea at first, but they say it's up to me and accept it. They really like her as a person too. And her parents don't mind me as a person, but her mother isn't happy about her not being able to understand me at all, since she's bad at English ( the mother). And they don't agree to the distance at all. They want her to have some Czech guy.
You're 17-18. If you start learning czech now, in about 10 years max you will be able to understand her. If she can't resolve the problem, then resolve it yourself =D

Quote:
But well, I know her (the girl I love that is), and she's not interested in the kind of guys who make out the majority of the male population (If I'm allowed to generalize =P).
Don't take things for granted over the years. Don't lower your guard, but for now, i don't see any problems
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Old 2009-12-11, 02:02   Link #2432
Habhome
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Originally Posted by Narona View Post
That's good that you discussed about it. I don't want to scare you, but yes that kind of Ball can have a certain effect, and whatever how she could feel about it, since you talked both about it, she'll remind herself that she should not lost her mind because of that "special/magical" bal aura.

I understand your concern perfectly, and no it's not bad to have felt something. Feel better now ?
A bit perhaps ^^

Quote:
Originally Posted by Narona View Post
Just post this to them next time:

Spoiler for .:
Hehe, that kind of explains our situation quite well. We didn't really plan for this to happen when deciding to meet for the first time IRL last summer =P

Quote:
Originally Posted by Narona View Post
You're 17-18. If you start learning czech now, in about 10 years max you will be able to understand her. If she can't resolve the problem, then resolve it yourself =D
True, I have thought about learning Czech. Though I have absolutely no idea how to xD Don't think they have classes for it in Uni, and I dunno where else to go for language classes.
EDIT: And yes, I am 18.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Narona View Post
Don't take things for granted over the years. Don't lower your guard, but for now, i don't see any problems
Unless something happens on my end which drastically change the situation, I definitely won't let my guard down ^^
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Old 2009-12-18, 02:41   Link #2433
Samari
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I want to hear the board's thoughts about a particular issue in regards to women and night clubs. There seems to be a generalization about certain women when they go to a dance club. A lot of them dress very sexy and can easily draw the attention of men. That being said, women do deserve respect no matter how they dress at a club. They don't deserved to be grouped, belittled, and treated like trash. If a girl says "no", then she means it. I want to get that out of the way first.

Now that I've said that, I do want to state that there are some women out there that really like to flaunt their independence and attitudes if you try to move in on them or even sincerely ask for a dance or just try to have a conversation. In my opinion some girls need to realize that if you dress a certain way you're going to get certain attention...and you shouldn't feel violated or surprised if a guy tries to approach you. Men naturally like attractive women. I know there are creeps out there and that women deserve to be treated with respect, but if you feel uncomfortable...then why go dancing? Even if it's with your friends, I don't see the point in going some place where you don't feel comfortable. Comedian David Chappelle does a funny sketch up of what I'm talking about:



So I'm curious about people's experiencing going to clubs and dealing with this issue. Both guys and girls. I don't really go to clubs anymore seeing as I have a girlfriend, but back in the day I had some weird situations come up. But that was rare. 90% of the time things went well if I asked a girl for a dance.
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Old 2009-12-18, 06:28   Link #2434
Mystique
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Location: In the eastern capital of the islands of the rising suns...
*is giving up going out to an MJ night tonight*
Kinda wiped and it'll cost me a fair bit, though am curious to check out more of the club nightlife in central Tokyo

As for club life, I dress semi casual as I'm going there to dance and escape and not catch the eye of guys, so that's as far as I can go in regards to dressing up.
This however doesn't stop guys from approaching me once in a blue moon, it's kinda hard to say 'no', if a guy who can dance well kinda catches your eye and you decide to share space on the dance floor for a bit
For me personally, if a guys got moves, he's got my attention for the night, just as a woman who may be half naked may catch the attention of the male kind.

Brits for most part claim to not be able to dance as a whole... without the use of alcohol (lame in my opinion)
So usually when there's about 2 hours left to go and most people are wasted, I have many a time, just hung out with my mates (or by myself) on the stairs or balcony and watched drunken peeps "dance" for amusement sake.
- Girls begin to grind more, either with their female friends or with a guy.
- Couples begin to make out more some more.
- Others really then begin to let loose and actually can dance pretty well, it's just a shame that they feel they need alcohol to let themselves go.

The Japanese however are somewhat interesting. Similar to Brits, they'd go for a round or two of liquid courage, but for most part, they actually just get up and move.
They also smoke waaaaaaay too much x.x;;;

Depending on the size of the club, bigger ones naturally will have different atmospheres from room to room. Sometimes meeting up with people in the lounge and chatting and hanging out isn't so bad.
Smaller clubs are naturally warmer and friendlier and have their own end of night 'customs' which make it fun to de-stress and have a good laugh with.

Clubs at the end of the day are somewhat like first dates. Most people will glam up for a 'night out with the girls/lads' and most are looking for fun or a good time, so it becomes somewhat of a 'game' sometimes if the different genders are trying to get with each other.

The only thing I could offer advice for guys as this is something I've heard happens a fair bit is if there is a girl you like who is with her mates and you want to try your luck, beware of the cockblockers.
(1.The act of obstructing one person's advances towards another. ) typically in form of the girls 'best friend' who 'rescues' her from your evil clutches if you manage to get some time alone and hang out.

Then again, these are clubs typically of Urban music or Pop music, but what about metal or rock clubs?
Do most just go to mosh and get wasted or is there some form of cross gender interaction, attempts at gaining dates or digits and so on?
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Old 2009-12-18, 07:20   Link #2435
Samari
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The only thing I could offer advice for guys as this is something I've heard happens a fair bit is if there is a girl you like who is with her mates and you want to try your luck, beware of the cockblockers.
(1.The act of obstructing one person's advances towards another. ) typically in form of the girls 'best friend' who 'rescues' her from your evil clutches if you manage to get some time alone and hang out.

Then again, these are clubs typically of Urban music or Pop music, but what about metal or rock clubs?
Do most just go to mosh and get wasted or is there some form of cross gender interaction, attempts at gaining dates or digits and so on?
This is very true. Especially with a group of females. No matter where I go...whether it's some place in California or Tokyo...there is the common trend of the "group circle" that girls use to protect themselves from guys intruding. If there is a girl you are interested in that is within this circle, you might as well forget it...unless you have very good "skills".
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Old 2009-12-18, 07:24   Link #2436
cheyannew
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Originally Posted by Mystique View Post
Then again, these are clubs typically of Urban music or Pop music, but what about metal or rock clubs?
Do most just go to mosh and get wasted or is there some form of cross gender interaction, attempts at gaining dates or digits and so on?
Can't speak for anywhere other than the Metro DC area, but here, there is a degree of scoping out the chicks or whatever. I'm thankfully spared all that, since 90% of the shows I go to I'm actually working the merchandise table for my friend's band, and they assume I'm a band wife (not that I'd mind, cause he's horrifically hot, but alas, already married to an amazing woman and they are not poly. feh)

When I am not working the table, I have seen people trying to mingle, but a lot of the time, they're there to see the bands, and're there with friends so they kind of stay in their own groups. The bar room (which is separated from where the bands play) is a slightly different story, and I have been forced to growl a time or two when some drunken moron comes over to hit on me. Usually the "death glare" works, but sometimes, they're too drunk to figure it out, or for whatever stupid reason, they think they're interesting enough to bypass it. Oh, wait, they're drunk, that's the stupid reason. Silly me.
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Old 2009-12-18, 07:25   Link #2437
cheyannew
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Originally Posted by Samari View Post
This is very true. Especially with a group of females. No matter where I go...whether it's some place in California or Tokyo...there is the common trend of the "group circle" that girls use to protect themselves from guys intruding. If there is a girl you are interested in that is within this circle, you might as well forget it...unless you have very good "skills".
Ahh, sounds like that's the time you want to bring a female friend of yours, as she would be able to penetrate the "circle" and get you phone #s
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Old 2009-12-18, 11:52   Link #2438
RadiantBeam
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I've never been to any clubs myself. Been to a couple parties with friends, but a club atmosphere really isn't my place. I tend to stay away from them and just stick with what I know and feel comfortable with. I'm probably missing out on tons of chances to meet guys by not going to clubs, but I feel fine without going to them.

I wonder if something's wrong with me...
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Old 2009-12-18, 13:14   Link #2439
Habhome
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Originally Posted by RadiantBeam View Post
I've never been to any clubs myself. Been to a couple parties with friends, but a club atmosphere really isn't my place. I tend to stay away from them and just stick with what I know and feel comfortable with. I'm probably missing out on tons of chances to meet guys by not going to clubs, but I feel fine without going to them.

I wonder if something's wrong with me...
Not at all. I have never been to much of a club, the place me and my friends goes to is more of a pub, which turns more into a club later in the night. But we just hang out there together, rarely speaking to anyone outside our group.
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Old 2009-12-18, 14:09   Link #2440
cheyannew
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Originally Posted by RadiantBeam View Post
I've never been to any clubs myself. Been to a couple parties with friends, but a club atmosphere really isn't my place. I tend to stay away from them and just stick with what I know and feel comfortable with. I'm probably missing out on tons of chances to meet guys by not going to clubs, but I feel fine without going to them.

I wonder if something's wrong with me...
Nah;l I've never been to a CLUB per say, just a small venue where local acts play, I wouldn't call it a club cause it's not like there's dancing or anything. I suspect at my age, clubbing's not reall yon the list of "things you should do", and gods know, there is no way in all 9 hells I would dress in "club wear" like the people I see around here. There is not enough material in their skirts to cover my gargantuan arse LOL You wouldn't catch me wearing them, much less "dancing" in them.
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