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Old 2010-02-10, 14:21   Link #3001
hinakatbklyn
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RadiantBeam View Post
Okay, this isn't exactly dating advice, but this is the best thread to ask for help with this issue...

As pretty much everyone here knows at this point, while I've seen some cute guys, right now I'm not especially interested in actually pursuing a relationship with any of them. The problem is that my family doesn't know this; I'm constantly being asked if I've approached any cute boys, if I'm interested in someone, and constantly given advice on how to approach said cute boys and strike up a friendship with them.

I know my family means well, and they just worry about me since I live on my own and other than my calling them, they don't really know how well I socialize. And in some matters, it doesn't help that my sister has a boyfriend. But it's starting to rub my nerves raw, and I don't have the heart to tell them that right now I'm just completely disinterested in a relationship in case it backfires.

So what do I do?
Quote:
Originally Posted by psycho_luny View Post
i would say to get them of your back at leat for a while. lie and say that you've recently started seeng someone. don't make it complicated, to much details are hard to remember.
There's no beating around the bush here. Really only 2 options here. If you decide to fib, as long as they don't push the subject it should be OK. Just be ready for an alternate plan if they ask too many questions (or maybe having a few more friends would help).

The other option (honesty) is likely more difficult. I don't think they would have a problem since you just started living on your own. If they don't agree with it and you decide that you're not interested in a relationship, be ready to defend your choice.
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Old 2010-02-10, 14:22   Link #3002
Ricky Controversy
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RadiantBeam View Post
Okay, this isn't exactly dating advice, but this is the best thread to ask for help with this issue...

As pretty much everyone here knows at this point, while I've seen some cute guys, right now I'm not especially interested in actually pursuing a relationship with any of them. The problem is that my family doesn't know this; I'm constantly being asked if I've approached any cute boys, if I'm interested in someone, and constantly given advice on how to approach said cute boys and strike up a friendship with them.

I know my family means well, and they just worry about me since I live on my own and other than my calling them, they don't really know how well I socialize. And in some matters, it doesn't help that my sister has a boyfriend. But it's starting to rub my nerves raw, and I don't have the heart to tell them that right now I'm just completely disinterested in a relationship in case it backfires.

So what do I do?
Habhome has the right idea here, to be sure. Just be direct about saying you don't have any interest at the moment. They don't really need to get a reason why or any more explanation than that, and actually trying to justify it may just lead to them trying to reason you out of your position if they're really that persistent.

It's annoying, but the fact of the matter is that you're at an age where you're expected to be dating rather actively. That's all well and good, but it's far from necessary, and not relevant at all if it's not something you wanted. It'd be another thing entirely if you had interest but weren't pursuing it, so you may have to really emphasize the point that you're just not feeling it.

Again, as Habhome said, if they don't accept that, that's there problem, but either way you shouldn't have to have the conversation with them over and over.
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Old 2010-02-10, 14:37   Link #3003
RadiantBeam
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Quote:
Originally Posted by psycho_luny View Post
i would say to get them of your back at leat for a while. lie and say that you've recently started seeng someone. don't make it complicated, to much details are hard to remember.
I'd really rather not do that. I have a bad track record of lying to my parents (I can never keep a straight face when I lie), and besides, I just don't like lying to them, period. I'd much rather just come out and tell them I'm not interested in dating right now instead of lying to them, especially my grandfather. He's old, and he worries about me a lot.
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Old 2010-02-10, 14:55   Link #3004
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RadiantBeam View Post
I'd really rather not do that. I have a bad track record of lying to my parents (I can never keep a straight face when I lie), and besides, I just don't like lying to them, period. I'd much rather just come out and tell them I'm not interested in dating right now instead of lying to them, especially my grandfather. He's old, and he worries about me a lot.
Okay, I'm not a particularly honest person around my own parents (they still don't know I'm dating someone, but technically I'm electing not to share and they haven't asked. I also found out the hard way how pissed off they'd get once I switched from Optus to Virgin out of my own pocket ), but if you're really sure about your decision, then tell them and stand ground on it. You have a valid reason; your GPA is more important than your...(this is gonna sound cheesy) DPM (Dates per Month)...I know, cheesy...>.>
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Old 2010-02-10, 16:54   Link #3005
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RadiantBeam View Post
Okay, this isn't exactly dating advice, but this is the best thread to ask for help with this issue...

As pretty much everyone here knows at this point, while I've seen some cute guys, right now I'm not especially interested in actually pursuing a relationship with any of them. The problem is that my family doesn't know this; I'm constantly being asked if I've approached any cute boys, if I'm interested in someone, and constantly given advice on how to approach said cute boys and strike up a friendship with them.

I know my family means well, and they just worry about me since I live on my own and other than my calling them, they don't really know how well I socialize. And in some matters, it doesn't help that my sister has a boyfriend. But it's starting to rub my nerves raw, and I don't have the heart to tell them that right now I'm just completely disinterested in a relationship in case it backfires.

So what do I do?
Thank them for their support but tell them you don't want to hear it right now. Emphasize the right now, as in, there will be a time when you will want help because you will want a relationship. Otherwise they will never stop...never.
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Old 2010-02-11, 01:37   Link #3006
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Just tell them your school, your career and your entire future are your numbers one, two and three priorities right now, with boys as a distant fourth.

If they don't stop harassing you after that, then you may have problems of the parents-wanting-grandkids variety...
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Old 2010-02-11, 07:44   Link #3007
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Originally Posted by synaesthetic View Post
Just tell them your school, your career and your entire future are your numbers one, two and three priorities right now, with boys as a distant fourth.

If they don't stop harassing you after that, then you may have problems of the parents-wanting-grandkids variety...
Oh dear ;(
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Old 2010-02-11, 10:24   Link #3008
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Originally Posted by synaesthetic View Post
If they don't stop harassing you after that, then you may have problems of the parents-wanting-grandkids variety...
Ugh.... >>;;;;;

Though in a way, when I look at the situation I can understand their concerns. All of my cousins except for one are married, and my sister has a boyfriend right now that she's been with for some time. So right now I'm kind of the odd one out as far as relationships go.
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Old 2010-02-11, 10:32   Link #3009
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Having the exact same problem and three brothers who are dating various girls all the time, I tell them I'm using all of my focus on university, having a girlfriend would distract me and send me off track (and I'm already a year behind), so they never asked me about it ever since
Note that although there's truth in what I said, it doesn't completely reflect my own opinion, meaning I wouldn't mind a relationship, but am not in a position for one I would like. Which is pretty much your situation as well...telling them not to ask about it right now may bring them back a few months later asking the same thing, so stating the "till whenever" would be a wise choice. Unlike me, you're three years younger and have already had some sort of relationship in the past, so they shouldn't think about it for too long and let you decide on your own.
As for me, I feel there's no need to rush into a relationship, and I'm not looking for random encounters; love will knock on my door someday, and if I got free time later I might as well come knocking back :P
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Old 2010-02-11, 10:46   Link #3010
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RadiantBeam View Post
Okay, this isn't exactly dating advice, but this is the best thread to ask for help with this issue...

As pretty much everyone here knows at this point, while I've seen some cute guys, right now I'm not especially interested in actually pursuing a relationship with any of them. The problem is that my family doesn't know this; I'm constantly being asked if I've approached any cute boys, if I'm interested in someone, and constantly given advice on how to approach said cute boys and strike up a friendship with them.

I know my family means well, and they just worry about me since I live on my own and other than my calling them, they don't really know how well I socialize. And in some matters, it doesn't help that my sister has a boyfriend. But it's starting to rub my nerves raw, and I don't have the heart to tell them that right now I'm just completely disinterested in a relationship in case it backfires.

So what do I do?
Hit on me then. I am a cute single g- *gets slapped by the other female forum members*

To be serious, if your indicated age is your real age at 18, I would say that you work your way through college first before considering a serious relationship. I never had a girlfriend in my entire life despite being 21, and I feel that it would be best to wait and flesh out your career first. It doesn't exactly matter how others think about your future, it is yours after all.

There are times in life which you have to ignore your family members, but don't push it too far until it strains family relationships. At your age, it would be good to learn and gauge the limits of doing this so you won't have issues with estrangement later in life.
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Old 2010-02-11, 11:26   Link #3011
Ascaloth
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Originally Posted by SaintessHeart View Post
Hit on me then. I am a cute single g- *gets slapped by the other female forum members*
Why do I get the feeling that the last word should have been "girl"?
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Old 2010-02-11, 14:27   Link #3012
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ascaloth View Post
Why do I get the feeling that the last word should have been "girl"?
It's ambiguous

Quote:
Originally Posted by RadiantBeam View Post
Ugh.... >>;;;;;

Though in a way, when I look at the situation I can understand their concerns. All of my cousins except for one are married, and my sister has a boyfriend right now that she's been with for some time. So right now I'm kind of the odd one out as far as relationships go.
So be the odd one out. Being younger than my brother, and having a sister that's much too young to even think about guys (I think we may have bullied her into such thinking though ), I'm the only one who's even bothered with a relationship. I did because I had too much free time on my hands. Although waking up at 5.30 every morning so I could work the train station into my schedule before school probably wasn't a good idea.
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Old 2010-02-11, 15:01   Link #3013
Thyrz
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RadiantBeam View Post
As pretty much everyone here knows at this point, while I've seen some cute guys, right now I'm not especially interested in actually pursuing a relationship with any of them. The problem is that my family doesn't know this; I'm constantly being asked if I've approached any cute boys, if I'm interested in someone, and constantly given advice on how to approach said cute boys and strike up a friendship with them.

I know my family means well, and they just worry about me since I live on my own and other than my calling them, they don't really know how well I socialize. And in some matters, it doesn't help that my sister has a boyfriend. But it's starting to rub my nerves raw, and I don't have the heart to tell them that right now I'm just completely disinterested in a relationship in case it backfires.

So what do I do?
I wish my cousin was like you. She can't go without a boyfriend for a month and she has a new one every few months.

Btw, your family doesn't have a point at all.
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Old 2010-02-11, 15:21   Link #3014
hinakatbklyn
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RadiantBeam View Post

I know my family means well, and they just worry about me since I live on my own and other than my calling them, they don't really know how well I socialize. And in some matters, it doesn't help that my sister has a boyfriend. But it's starting to rub my nerves raw, and I don't have the heart to tell them that right now I'm just completely disinterested in a relationship in case it backfires.

So what do I do?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Thyrz View Post

Btw, your family doesn't have a point at all.
Parents can still make some decisions if you were living under the parents roof. The minute you reach the legal age and decide to live on your own (temporarily at the moment), parents have their opinions and decisions, but you should have the final say about what you want to do.
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Old 2010-02-11, 16:24   Link #3015
RadiantBeam
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Originally Posted by hinakatbklyn View Post
Parents can still make some decisions if you were living under the parents roof. The minute you reach the legal age and decide to live on your own (temporarily at the moment), parents have their opinions and decisions, but you should have the final say about what you want to do.
I know that, and I know that in the end no matter what they say or do it comes down to whether or not I actually want to have a relationship with someone. It just exhausts me when practically every conversation I have with them these days somehow turns to boys, and I can't tell if they're just teasing me or being serious.
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Old 2010-02-11, 16:33   Link #3016
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RadiantBeam View Post
I know that, and I know that in the end no matter what they say or do it comes down to whether or not I actually want to have a relationship with someone. It just exhausts me when practically every conversation I have with them these days somehow turns to boys, and I can't tell if they're just teasing me or being serious.
Then save some time already and just ask them that. If they are teasing, then tell them you're focusing on your studies and if someone comes along, maybe you'll consider a relationship.
If they're serious, say the same thing only just as serious.
Also add that you'd like for them to drop the topic of it for now, and rather encourage you with studying.

In otherwords, talk to them, be straight with them, get the feelings out on the table and discuss with them, rather than asking us per se
And you're only 18, the study > relationships will buy you time until you've graduated
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Old 2010-02-11, 16:54   Link #3017
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Originally Posted by hinakatbklyn View Post
Parents can still make some decisions if you were living under the parents roof. The minute you reach the legal age and decide to live on your own (temporarily at the moment), parents have their opinions and decisions, but you should have the final say about what you want to do.
As a matter of fact, parents should have an influence even after you decide to live on your own. You're a part of their life just as they're a part of yours. There's no reason why your parent's opinions shouldn't matter even when you're away from their abode. This is coming from someone who'se lived on his own since he was 16. My parents are the first people I refer to if I ever have an issue of any kind, whether it's emotional, work-related, relationships, etc. One thing I'm sure of is that while a relationship with someone lasts up to a certain point, your parents are always there regardless.
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Old 2010-02-11, 17:08   Link #3018
hinakatbklyn
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Originally Posted by Yoko Takeo View Post

As a matter of fact, parents should have an influence even after you decide to live on your own. You're a part of their life just as they're a part of yours. There's no reason why your parent's opinions shouldn't matter even when you're away from their abode. This is coming from someone who'se lived on his own since he was 16. My parents are the first people I refer to if I ever have an issue of any kind, whether it's emotional, work-related, relationships, etc. One thing I'm sure of is that while a relationship with someone lasts up to a certain point, your parents are always there regardless.
I may not be able to speak for everyone, but I may have let my parents have too much influence that I couldn't get away from them fast enough, and I still can't get away. Depending on old age or natural causes, parents can't always be there. I still get the idea what you're saying.
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Old 2010-02-11, 17:49   Link #3019
RadiantBeam
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mystique View Post
Then save some time already and just ask them that. If they are teasing, then tell them you're focusing on your studies and if someone comes along, maybe you'll consider a relationship.
If they're serious, say the same thing only just as serious.
Also add that you'd like for them to drop the topic of it for now, and rather encourage you with studying.

In otherwords, talk to them, be straight with them, get the feelings out on the table and discuss with them, rather than asking us per se
And you're only 18, the study > relationships will buy you time until you've graduated
That's the thing, though, I have talked to them about it and I still can't make heads or tails of what they're thinking. When I talk to them they're always saying they're just joking and playing around, that I should focus on my studies, and then the next day when they call me: "See any cute boys yet? Anyone you like in your class? Here's how you can meet him...."

So I'm never able to figure them out.
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Old 2010-02-11, 18:43   Link #3020
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Originally Posted by RadiantBeam View Post
That's the thing, though, I have talked to them about it and I still can't make heads or tails of what they're thinking. When I talk to them they're always saying they're just joking and playing around, that I should focus on my studies, and then the next day when they call me: "See any cute boys yet? Anyone you like in your class? Here's how you can meet him...."

So I'm never able to figure them out.
They might just be very persistent jokers, doing it out of habit even perhaps.
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