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Old 2010-02-11, 21:03   Link #3021
RadiantBeam
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Habhome View Post
They might just be very persistent jokers, doing it out of habit even perhaps.
Then how am I supposed to ask them to stop without hurting their feelings? They know it annoys me, but at the same time, they haven't stopped. I know they mean well and just want me to laugh, but they're really getting on my nerves.
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Old 2010-02-11, 21:07   Link #3022
Ascaloth
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Originally Posted by RadiantBeam View Post
Then how am I supposed to ask them to stop without hurting their feelings? They know it annoys me, but at the same time, they haven't stopped. I know they mean well and just want me to laugh, but they're really getting on my nerves.
Then perhaps it's a ripe time to have the sit-down serious talk with them?

I dunno, maybe doing so at this point will make it clear between you and your parents. Whatever happens from this should be a good thing; either your parents will stop teasing you that way, or you start seeing it as the joke it probably is from then on.
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Old 2010-02-11, 22:50   Link #3023
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Originally Posted by RadiantBeam View Post
Then how am I supposed to ask them to stop without hurting their feelings? They know it annoys me, but at the same time, they haven't stopped. I know they mean well and just want me to laugh, but they're really getting on my nerves.
Just yell. That's what I'd do. Just don't swear, lol.

When I was younger I'd simply yell but now I would raise my voice and then lower it, telling them to stop it with a serious tone. Raising your voice get's their attention and then being serious send the message across.
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Old 2010-02-11, 23:00   Link #3024
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Originally Posted by DragoZERO View Post
Just yell.
Won't work. My dad is one of those people who has an annoying habit of speaking lower no matter how loud we are, and he and my mom both consider it childish to yell. Besides, I doubt I'd really get my point across by shouting at them.
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Old 2010-02-11, 23:59   Link #3025
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Let them know that you don't want to talk about relationships with them.

Personally, I can't stand it when relatives talk about relationships with me. I remember in highschool I was seeing this girl (living with my mother at the time), and the next thing I know EVERYONE in the family are talking about me and my girlfriend. Um, excuse me, this is my private life. It has nothing to do with the family. Stop gossiping without any concern for my privacy, and GTFO.

Then again I don't get along with the family, so I'd use some discretion in letting them know that they're bothering you.

Quote:
Then perhaps it's a ripe time to have the sit-down serious talk with them?

I dunno, maybe doing so at this point will make it clear between you and your parents.
This.
It's one of those uncomfortable conversations you need to risk hurting them and talk with them about. Otherwise you're just doing a disservice not only for yourself, but for them as well.
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Old 2010-02-12, 02:07   Link #3026
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Originally Posted by Ascaloth View Post
Why do I get the feeling that the last word should have been "girl"?
I AM A GUY DAMMIT. I served my compulsory 2 years!

Quote:
Originally Posted by RadiantBeam View Post
Won't work. My dad is one of those people who has an annoying habit of speaking lower no matter how loud we are, and he and my mom both consider it childish to yell. Besides, I doubt I'd really get my point across by shouting at them.
Well you could always use abit of psychology with them. If they would joke around with "meet any cute guys yet?" here are a few answers :

1. Yeah, but none of them had real character.
2. They seem to be more interested in sleeping with me rather than dating.
3. None of them are really good you know. <so-and-so> is like <that>, then <xxx> is like <that>, etc. None of them are my type.

or if you are more daring AND your parents DO NOT HAVE ANY HISTORY OF HEART PROBLEMS :

4. I am picking my cherries before letting them pop mine. I know what I am doing.
5. I think I would go for an IUD implant first.

I still think 3 is one of the best replies. It pushes sense across and makes quite a good excuse. But just like any of its kind, it has limited uses so it is best said strategically. However, Ascaloth probably has the best solution to this :

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ascaloth View Post
Then perhaps it's a ripe time to have the sit-down serious talk with them?

I dunno, maybe doing so at this point will make it clear between you and your parents. Whatever happens from this should be a good thing; either your parents will stop teasing you that way, or you start seeing it as the joke it probably is from then on.
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Old 2010-02-12, 03:05   Link #3027
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SaintessHeart View Post
I AM A GUY DAMMIT. I served my compulsory 2 years!

of what?

Quote:
Originally Posted by SaintessHeart View Post
Well you could always use abit of psychology with them. If they would joke around with "meet any cute guys yet?" here are a few answers :

1. Yeah, but none of them had real character.
2. They seem to be more interested in sleeping with me rather than dating.
3. None of them are really good you know. <so-and-so> is like <that>, then <xxx> is like <that>, etc. None of them are my type.

or if you are more daring AND your parents DO NOT HAVE ANY HISTORY OF HEART PROBLEMS :

4. I am picking my cherries before letting them pop mine. I know what I am doing.
5. I think I would go for an IUD implant first.

I still think 3 is one of the best replies. It pushes sense across and makes quite a good excuse. But just like any of its kind, it has limited uses so it is best said strategically.
Woah...I wouldn't. Apart from being a guy (someone did make the mistake of calling me a girl though. Read about 6 or more pages earlier), it's not a particularly sensible joke I'd play on my parents without being told to get out and never return (and to be prompted back home 24 hours later).
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Old 2010-02-12, 03:27   Link #3028
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"See any cute boys yet? Anyone you like in your class? Here's how you can meet him...."
I tried to get with some but they turned out to be dating each other, and the other boys are too lame for my tastes~[/innocent look]

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2. They seem to be more interested in sleeping with me rather than dating.
I'd call this one as your strongest card, parents care about you enough to stop pushing just for cases like that.
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Old 2010-02-12, 07:26   Link #3029
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Originally Posted by RadiantBeam View Post
Then how am I supposed to ask them to stop without hurting their feelings? They know it annoys me, but at the same time, they haven't stopped. I know they mean well and just want me to laugh, but they're really getting on my nerves.
Quote:
Originally Posted by DragoZERO View Post
I would raise my voice and then lower it, telling them to stop it with a serious tone. Raising your voice get's their attention and then being serious send the message across.
Quote:
Originally Posted by RadiantBeam View Post
Won't work. My dad is one of those people who has an annoying habit of speaking lower no matter how loud we are, and he and my mom both consider it childish to yell. Besides, I doubt I'd really get my point across by shouting at them.
(Read quotes above)
That's the point, you wouldn't be yelling per say, you would raise your voice, firmly, just to then lower it to a serious tone. There's a big difference and this way definitely catches attention since it is a sign of authority. It helps to study the body language and sit/stand in a (literary) position of authority. This would send many unconscious signals to your parents which should help you get the seriousness of your message across.

Quote:
Originally Posted by SaintessHeart View Post
2. They seem to be more interested in sleeping with me rather than dating.
If you mix this into the conversation as an argument they will definitely listen to you. And it is good since you wouldn't be lying either. It's true many guys only try to get into the girl's pants, and your parents definitely know that. By showing them that you know that too makes them see maturity in you and will aid you to put you in the position of authority you are trying to assume.

As always, I resort to Logic and Psychology, because in my opinion that is the best way to handle any situation, with careful consideration.

A good tip is to read up on human behavior and body-language. It is really useful in situations like this.
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Old 2010-02-12, 07:44   Link #3030
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Originally Posted by Yoko Takeo View Post
As a matter of fact, parents should have an influence even after you decide to live on your own. You're a part of their life just as they're a part of yours. There's no reason why your parent's opinions shouldn't matter even when you're away from their abode. This is coming from someone who'se lived on his own since he was 16. My parents are the first people I refer to if I ever have an issue of any kind, whether it's emotional, work-related, relationships, etc. One thing I'm sure of is that while a relationship with someone lasts up to a certain point, your parents are always there regardless.
I will have to agree on this. Parents don't always give bad advices. In my case, I was very influenced by my dad's hedonistic lifestyle, which would have rubbed on me regardless of his encouragement. They were always a marvelous example of pure love, even though they had spent 13 years apart and went on to pursue other pleasures and seeding kids elsewhere in the process. I'm really happy to have such a wonderful big family to refer to.
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Old 2010-02-12, 09:07   Link #3031
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I will have to agree on this. Parents don't always give bad advices. In my case, I was very influenced by my dad's hedonistic lifestyle, which would have rubbed on me regardless of his encouragement. They were always a marvelous example of pure love, even though they had spent 13 years apart and went on to pursue other pleasures and seeding kids elsewhere in the process. I'm really happy to have such a wonderful big family to refer to.
Heh, not everyone is blessed with such wonderful families who make all the right moves.

Take mine for instance. The only thing I learned from my family is not to learn from my family. I've lived a much healthier life following my own path and trusting the people I chose to learn from instead of my own family, who aren't the kind of people I would call role models. Not to mention the years of damage done by them that I had to recover from.

In any case, RB seems like a smart person. Sometimes it's just hard to break out of your parents' grasp when they're hurting you.
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Old 2010-02-12, 13:12   Link #3032
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Originally Posted by RadiantBeam View Post
Then how am I supposed to ask them to stop without hurting their feelings? They know it annoys me, but at the same time, they haven't stopped. I know they mean well and just want me to laugh, but they're really getting on my nerves.
Believe me, it may now grow to be a habit, but at first it definitely wasn't. The issue of your relationship must have been constantly on their mind for them to "remember to make a joke" everytime they talk to you.

What I suggest here is to have a third, close person give them a hint, not much about how you shouldn't have a relationship right now (it would be just stating the obvious; they know your points, but they just cant help but nag you about it), but more about how you really don't want a relationship, and how greatly annoyed you are. If not possible, this is what I would do next: every time they mention the issue again, I would jokingly hang up the phone. They should call back. If not, try guessing if they are pissed off or not. If they ain't, leave it be. If they are, call them back yourself, appearing to be as if nothing has happened.


Though I really don't quite get your parents' worry in this matter. You are young, they are sane and they obviously can't be wanting you to think about marriage. Then why the push for a serious relationship? Being the odd one doesn't quite explain it. You sure they are not just worried if you were in a relationship, and this is not just a way to subtly keep you in check?
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Old 2010-02-12, 13:58   Link #3033
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of what?
Military service. Some countries require that everyone enlist for at least two years, though apparently in his country it's only the men.

Something I wish America would do... don't-ask, don't-tell wouldn't even be an issue if this were the case.
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Old 2010-02-12, 15:03   Link #3034
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forcing that upon people would do more harm than good, in my opinion. Now, back on topic.
(P.S RB has had a lot of stage time, either she's well respected or something else is going on..... xD)
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Old 2010-02-12, 15:53   Link #3035
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lio View Post
Heh, not everyone is blessed with such wonderful families who make all the right moves.

Take mine for instance. The only thing I learned from my family is not to learn from my family. I've lived a much healthier life following my own path and trusting the people I chose to learn from instead of my own family, who aren't the kind of people I would call role models. Not to mention the years of damage done by them that I had to recover from.

In any case, RB seems like a smart person. Sometimes it's just hard to break out of your parents' grasp when they're hurting you.
Then I believe it comes back to how much RB depends on her parents. An 11yo child is going to depend on her parents a lot more for advice than, say, a 22yo, and the advice a child gets is because they don't know any better, whereas an adult has had enough experience to be able to judge what is right or wrong.

The thing we have to remember is that our parents were once like us: children under guidance of their parents. Mind you, for their entertainment there was no such thing as a playstation or a Nokia mobile phone.

However, abusive parents can severely warp the judgement of a developing child. Hitting your child for doing something wrong teaches them that it's right to hit someone if they do something wrong. At a young age, parents have to remember that their children's minds are like sponges, and absorb everything around them. As a child, I was beaten with a broomstick, but I grew up knowing that beating up others is wrong. Others may not be so lucky.

(I know this is the dating thread, but dating leads to sex, which leads to babies (not always). This advice may be useful, but it's a bit )
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Old 2010-02-12, 16:21   Link #3036
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Originally Posted by Cinocard View Post
Then why the push for a serious relationship? Being the odd one doesn't quite explain it. You sure they are not just worried if you were in a relationship, and this is not just a way to subtly keep you in check?
Like I said before, right now I'm kind of the odd one out in my family in terms of relationships. All of my cousins are married and have kids (except for one, and honestly I think my family has figured he'll never get married), and my sister has a boyfriend that she's been with for a few months. So I'm the only one still single and under parental influence, heh.

On that note, my dad called today to talk to me about some stuff and we started talking about it. Basically, he and my mom are teasing, but they don't mean any real harm for it and apologized when they realized I'd interpreted it that way. Knowing them I doubt it'll last, but it's nice to at least have the air cleared up.
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Old 2010-02-12, 16:56   Link #3037
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Originally Posted by RadiantBeam View Post
Like I said before, right now I'm kind of the odd one out in my family in terms of relationships. All of my cousins are married and have kids (except for one, and honestly I think my family has figured he'll never get married), and my sister has a boyfriend that she's been with for a few months. So I'm the only one still single and under parental influence, heh.

On that note, my dad called today to talk to me about some stuff and we started talking about it. Basically, he and my mom are teasing, but they don't mean any real harm for it and apologized when they realized I'd interpreted it that way. Knowing them I doubt it'll last, but it's nice to at least have the air cleared up.
Keep at it. Eventually they'll learn not to do it. Again, your choice, not theirs, if you want to offhold a relationship.
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Old 2010-02-12, 17:27   Link #3038
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Originally Posted by GN0010 Nosferatu View Post
I gotta learn to look around more often at this place....


Um, anyway...hope you don't mind Radiant Beam, I saw you were looking at a Dating thread, and I didn't know we had one, so I thought I'd...share, I guess...

Anyway, I got myself a little date tonight, gonna walk around some sand banks, and watch a few movies with her. Over all, so far at this point, I think it's going well. I mean, it's only our second date so....can't really analyze much from that. BUT, I do have a confident feeling, which I never really get. Being the most insecure person the universe bore.
Hey, congrats! Hope you have fun tonight!
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Old 2010-02-12, 17:41   Link #3039
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Originally Posted by GN0010 Nosferatu View Post
Thanks RB, she seems to have taken a liking to me, as I have taking a liking to her. So far, I'd say...her and I are in the "trail stage". Heh, if anyone needs a definition on what that means, concerning dating, let me know.
Hey, hey. Congrats (I just sounded like Krusty the Klown).
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Old 2010-02-12, 18:33   Link #3040
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Thanks, I shall give detailed INTEL once I return to a CPU device.
...aye, okay...

Any more tales of dating we can give advice on?
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