AnimeSuki Forums

Register Forum Rules FAQ Members List Social Groups Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Go Back   AnimeSuki Forum > General > General Chat

Notices

Reply
 
Thread Tools
Old 2010-03-25, 16:03   Link #3981
hinakatbklyn
Senior Member
 
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
That can be troubling once you get older. If I do look for someone down the road, I might have a higher age range than normal, but it should be about the right person rather than age. I know I wouldn't try that young though.
__________________
hinakatbklyn is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2010-03-25, 16:33   Link #3982
RadiantBeam
Test Drive
*Author
 
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: USA
Age: 24
Send a message via AIM to RadiantBeam Send a message via Skype™ to RadiantBeam
Honestly, I don't think about age range all that much; if I like someone and want to be with them, then I'll find a way to be with them if I can. I suppose in the back of my mind I work on that kind of age range of one to two years because it feels like it would be easier to relate to someone either my age or close to it.
__________________
RadiantBeam is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2010-03-25, 16:35   Link #3983
0utf0xZer0
Pretentious moe scholar
 
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Vancouver, Canada
Age: 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kafriel View Post
True, then again I did say "for my tastes" ^^ Iunno it just feels like I'm dealing with kids, I'd find it hard to date a girl more than a year younger than me unless she's more mature than your average girl. I had almost started dating one, but in a matter of days it was more tedious than enjoyable, so I bailed early.
Interesting... I've never really found the four year gap between my girlfriend and I all that intrusive. I mean, yeah, when I talk with her about school it's obvious that she's my junior, but I guess I just never really found it all that notable. I guess it does help explain part of why she was so shy when we first met though.
__________________

Signature courtesy of Ganbaru.
0utf0xZer0 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2010-03-25, 16:58   Link #3984
yoropa
Director
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Quote:
Originally Posted by Arbitres View Post
I learned all of this from Kaijo-sama and Yoropa-kun. Bless them. =D lol
Aha, wow I'm honored. XD

In terms of gaps in age, it's different for each person I feel. I set my own limits as plus or minus 4 years, and at this point sticking only to the plus side since four years below me would be middle schoolers (ick). In a few years plus or minus 4 years will also apply to the younglings. Again, it all depends on yourself in the end.
yoropa is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2010-03-25, 17:34   Link #3985
Kaijo
Banned
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Somewhere over the rainbow, in a house dropped on an ugly, old woman.
Send a message via AIM to Kaijo Send a message via MSN to Kaijo
Age can play a factor, but the only reason why, is because of the learned attitudes and behaviors that each generation grows up with. Sometimes a young person can end up with an "old" attitude, or an older person can get into the "young" scene and have a young attitude.

Still, too extreme, like a 30+ age difference, might be too great of an obstacle to be overcome, but it all depends on people. I've seen people with a 15 year age difference still make a good relationship. And age matters less as you get older, too.

So for me, "who" someone is, and how I relate to them, is more important to me then age.
Kaijo is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2010-03-25, 18:34   Link #3986
Shiemi
Counting days
 
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Not even close to the Caribbean anymore
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kaijo View Post
I've seen people with a 15 year age difference still make a good relationship. And age matters less as you get older, too.
Not only with a 15 year age difference... I actually have a friend whose husband is 20 years older. They've been married for more than 10 years now and have like 4 kids.

My best friend's hubby is ten years older than her and they are one of the most wonderful couples I've ever seen. The things isn't age different, but the couple making things work out. Like someone told me a few months ago: "You don't wait for your relationship to work on its own. You make it work."
__________________
"No step in life, unless it may be the choice of a husband or wife, is more important than the choice of a vocation."

Frank Parsons
Shiemi is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2010-03-25, 19:37   Link #3987
cheyannew
PolyPerson!
 
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Northern VA
Quote:
Originally Posted by Shiemi View Post
Not only with a 15 year age difference... I actually have a friend whose husband is 20 years older. They've been married for more than 10 years now and have like 4 kids.

My best friend's hubby is ten years older than her and they are one of the most wonderful couples I've ever seen. The things isn't age different, but the couple making things work out. Like someone told me a few months ago: "You don't wait for your relationship to work on its own. You make it work."

Hubby and I're 7 years apart, the gf is only 1 year older than me, though.
__________________
"...we are wolves in a flock of sheep. We are the hunters. We are the Alphas and we are on this Earth to conquer."

RIFT | Division | Side 7 Art Archive
cheyannew is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2010-03-26, 03:21   Link #3988
SaintessHeart
NYAAAAHAAANNNNN~
 
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Age: 26
Quote:
Originally Posted by Yoko Takeo View Post
Granted, medicine is a very tough subject. But if she's interested in you regardless, what does it matter? Love isn't bound by grades and titles you know. If she likes you for who you are, and if you stand by her and show her you're loyal, that's all that really matters. So my suggestion to you is to not let it bother you so much. My ex was also studying medicine, and like you, my grades weren't the best of the lot (I can't say I was at the bottom tbh but that shouldn't matter). If you two get along, that's what's really important. Speak to each other and give her a chance to know you.
I talked to her though. She is quite cute, and quite sweet too. It would probably blow her mind when I tell her that I am into anime and manga.

Quote:
Why so serious?
That is so wrong! She is so cute and sweet and innocent......never mind. Those words are making me sound like a lolicon.

Quote:
Originally Posted by 0utf0xZer0 View Post
Interesting... I've never really found the four year gap between my girlfriend and I all that intrusive. I mean, yeah, when I talk with her about school it's obvious that she's my junior, but I guess I just never really found it all that notable. I guess it does help explain part of why she was so shy when we first met though.
I suspect that the age range doesn't really matter. You are into lolis small sized girls aren't you?
__________________

When three puppygirls named after pastries are on top of each other, it is called Eclair a'la menthe et Biscotti aux fraises avec beaucoup de Ricotta sur le dessus.
Most of all, you have to be disciplined and you have to save, even if you hate our current financial system. Because if you don't save, then you're guaranteed to end up with nothing.
SaintessHeart is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2010-03-26, 04:14   Link #3989
Tsuyoshi
Disabled By Request
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: The Great Justice
Send a message via AIM to Tsuyoshi Send a message via MSN to Tsuyoshi
Quote:
Originally Posted by SaintessHeart View Post
I talked to her though. She is quite cute, and quite sweet too. It would probably blow her mind when I tell her that I am into anime and manga.

That is so wrong! She is so cute and sweet and innocent......never mind. Those words are making me sound like a lolicon.
Whatever works man If she seems into you or interested in spending time with you, if it works well for the two of you, then you shouldn't worry about anything.
Tsuyoshi is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2010-03-26, 05:14   Link #3990
Seitsuki
Onee!
 
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Auckland, NZ
what's wrong with being a lolicon? you should be more open about things.
I agree though, in rl it's usually pretty hard to 'come out' to people that you're into anime and the culture in general.. I know I'm gonna have an interesting time when it comes xD
__________________
thanks to Patchy ♥
Seitsuki is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2010-03-26, 06:30   Link #3991
Good Apollo
I'm Burning Star IV
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Glasgow Scotland
Age: 23
Quote:
Originally Posted by Seitsuki View Post
what's wrong with being a lolicon?
I agree though, in rl it's usually pretty hard to 'come out' to people that you're into anime and the culture in general.. I know I'm gonna have an interesting time when it comes xD
I personaly cant watch it but as long as you draw the line at lolicon and dont cross the lines into being a pedo then fair enough
I don’t think its hard at all to tell everyone you like anime/manga if its brought up I will say I like it or if its not then I leave it should I don’t regard it as a dirty little secret of mine.
Good Apollo is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2010-03-26, 07:25   Link #3992
SaintessHeart
NYAAAAHAAANNNNN~
 
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Age: 26
Well it seems that I am in a life and death situation now despite having a new cute girl to ogle at.

If you guys do remember about that tsundere I am talking about, she has a younger sister. This girl suffers from terminal depression and cuts herself, so the elder sis's friends (namely me and a few others) take turns to watch over her when the elder one is away.

I had a history with the younger, as in I slapped her when I first met her. Of course the older one wasn't that happy that a pervert like me is so close to her sister, but we had the same interests : anime, manga and cosplay, so she lets it slide.

To cut a story short, this girl asked me to go out with her today, which I did after calling a few others to come along. When I met her today she was alone waiting for me in a tank top showing off all her scars. After getting her a jacket to cover up her shoulders, she told me that all the other people are not able to come, so I spent the whole day alone with her. On the way back she asked me if she could call me "kor" (meaning elder brother). I just went,"hmm ok".

When I went back and grilled those people who gave me the slip, it turned out that she told them that today's event was cancelled. After I told them what happened, all of them told me that it is probably she likes me and gave me the following solutions :

1. Tell her that I like her older sister - quite dangerous IMO. I don't want to hurt her feelings, neither do I want my teeth knocked out.

2. Tell her that I am gay - a male friend offered to back me up and suggested that the older girl will be inhesitant to reinforce it. - ABSOLUTELY NO WAY.

3. Avoid her - looks like the best solution, but I can't escape forever.

Any other suggestions that won't hurt her feelings? As much as I want to have her as my girlfriend and have my way with her because she is rather submissive, I don't think it is right to be in a relationship with a girl just for that. Besides, I like the older one despite me being her personal punching bag. If I reject the younger outright, not only she might start cutting herself all over again, I will definitely get my face rearranged by the older.
__________________

When three puppygirls named after pastries are on top of each other, it is called Eclair a'la menthe et Biscotti aux fraises avec beaucoup de Ricotta sur le dessus.
Most of all, you have to be disciplined and you have to save, even if you hate our current financial system. Because if you don't save, then you're guaranteed to end up with nothing.
SaintessHeart is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2010-03-26, 07:57   Link #3993
Tsuyoshi
Disabled By Request
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: The Great Justice
Send a message via AIM to Tsuyoshi Send a message via MSN to Tsuyoshi
Quote:
Originally Posted by SaintessHeart View Post
Well it seems that I am in a life and death situation now despite having a new cute girl to ogle at.

If you guys do remember about that tsundere I am talking about, she has a younger sister. This girl suffers from terminal depression and cuts herself, so the elder sis's friends (namely me and a few others) take turns to watch over her when the elder one is away.

I had a history with the younger, as in I slapped her when I first met her. Of course the older one wasn't that happy that a pervert like me is so close to her sister, but we had the same interests : anime, manga and cosplay, so she lets it slide.

To cut a story short, this girl asked me to go out with her today, which I did after calling a few others to come along. When I met her today she was alone waiting for me in a tank top showing off all her scars. After getting her a jacket to cover up her shoulders, she told me that all the other people are not able to come, so I spent the whole day alone with her. On the way back she asked me if she could call me "kor" (meaning elder brother). I just went,"hmm ok".

When I went back and grilled those people who gave me the slip, it turned out that she told them that today's event was cancelled. After I told them what happened, all of them told me that it is probably she likes me and gave me the following solutions :

1. Tell her that I like her older sister - quite dangerous IMO. I don't want to hurt her feelings, neither do I want my teeth knocked out.

2. Tell her that I am gay - a male friend offered to back me up and suggested that the older girl will be inhesitant to reinforce it. - ABSOLUTELY NO WAY.

3. Avoid her - looks like the best solution, but I can't escape forever.

Any other suggestions that won't hurt her feelings? As much as I want to have her as my girlfriend and have my way with her because she is rather submissive, I don't think it is right to be in a relationship with a girl just for that. Besides, I like the older one despite me being her personal punching bag. If I reject the younger outright, not only she might start cutting herself all over again, I will definitely get my face rearranged by the older.
I think the first option is the best one. And let me emphasize that while she (the older girl) was in the wrong for reacting that way when you said what you said to her (about seeing her blue bra under her white dress or something), I'm also still under the impression you should apologize for the remark you made saying she looks cute when she's angry. I say this because I really do look forward to hearing you say you're with that girl (and mean it)
Tsuyoshi is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2010-03-26, 08:01   Link #3994
Good Apollo
I'm Burning Star IV
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Glasgow Scotland
Age: 23
wow i went out with a girl like that. if you want to tell her nicely I would say you love her but in away a brother loves a sister and you would do anything to protect her from the world because she means more to you than anything, but you would never see her in a sexual way. that will hopefully make her feel loved and at the same time you wont have to go out with her.
Good Apollo is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2010-03-26, 09:25   Link #3995
Kaijo
Banned
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Somewhere over the rainbow, in a house dropped on an ugly, old woman.
Send a message via AIM to Kaijo Send a message via MSN to Kaijo
Quote:
Originally Posted by SaintessHeart View Post
Well it seems that I am in a life and death situation now despite having a new cute girl to ogle at.

If you guys do remember about that tsundere I am talking about, she has a younger sister. This girl suffers from terminal depression and cuts herself, so the elder sis's friends (namely me and a few others) take turns to watch over her when the elder one is away.

I had a history with the younger, as in I slapped her when I first met her. Of course the older one wasn't that happy that a pervert like me is so close to her sister, but we had the same interests : anime, manga and cosplay, so she lets it slide.

To cut a story short, this girl asked me to go out with her today, which I did after calling a few others to come along. When I met her today she was alone waiting for me in a tank top showing off all her scars. After getting her a jacket to cover up her shoulders, she told me that all the other people are not able to come, so I spent the whole day alone with her. On the way back she asked me if she could call me "kor" (meaning elder brother). I just went,"hmm ok".

When I went back and grilled those people who gave me the slip, it turned out that she told them that today's event was cancelled. After I told them what happened, all of them told me that it is probably she likes me and gave me the following solutions :

1. Tell her that I like her older sister - quite dangerous IMO. I don't want to hurt her feelings, neither do I want my teeth knocked out.

2. Tell her that I am gay - a male friend offered to back me up and suggested that the older girl will be inhesitant to reinforce it. - ABSOLUTELY NO WAY.

3. Avoid her - looks like the best solution, but I can't escape forever.

Any other suggestions that won't hurt her feelings? As much as I want to have her as my girlfriend and have my way with her because she is rather submissive, I don't think it is right to be in a relationship with a girl just for that. Besides, I like the older one despite me being her personal punching bag. If I reject the younger outright, not only she might start cutting herself all over again, I will definitely get my face rearranged by the older.
You are going to have to be really careful here. If she does like you, she'll get better just for you. But if you reject her relationship advances, she will get worse. The biggest thing I can say here is:

GET HELP!

Talk to the older sister, share what you suspect. That while you like her younger sister, you don't see her as someone you would date, but you're afraid that turning her down will make her regress. The older sister WILL care, and will definitely do what she can to help the situation. When you do the "I really like you, you're like a little sister to me" line, she is going to need a lot of love and comfort from those who care about her, ie, more watching over.

There is one other option, but it depends upon you. Go out on dates with her as she asks, just have fun (non-sexually). If she does confess to you, wanting to be your girlfriend, admit that you are unsure of your own feelings, but wouldn't mind dating for awhile.

This is to get her self-esteem up!

Also remember to let the sister know you are dating the younger to help with her self-esteem, but that you have you no intentions toward her at this time. To someone with low confidence, low self-esteem, and depression, a relationship can be a big booster. It will also give you the needed power to get her to do things that will improve her life, like stopping cutting so her scars heal, getting her to go out with friends, and generally improve her outlook to a positive one.

Then, one day later down the line if you really don't develop feelings for her, you can let her down easy, saying you like her and really enjoy her company, but she feels more like a little sister. If her life has been kinda positive up until that point, she won't take it as hard. And maybe someone else will have noticed her new outlook, and developed feelings for her.

In order for someone to get out of depression, they need their self-esteem and confidence built. A relationship by itself won't necessarily do it, but because she likes you, she'll be willing to do what you suggest, in order to do things that *will* build her self-esteem and confidence.

I only hesitantly suggest this, as it does have to be handled carefully, and her sister and friends being brought in on it. If you don't feel you can do this, then don't; just go with the "I care about you like a little sister" routine if she confesses (make sure to hug her!).

Either way, she needs a lot of work, and not everyone can put in that amount of work. The one positive, is the person who does put in that work, will have a really loyal partner who loves them more than anything. You might want to really think if you could love her, if she improved her outlook on life and became a normal person.
Kaijo is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2010-03-26, 12:06   Link #3996
Kafriel
Senior Guest
 
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Athens (GMT+2)
Age: 26
Well, this still has to do with dating, so I guess it's on-topic. Once again, I don't know how bad your friend's sister is, so I shall assume she's in the worst possible condition of do or die for you.
Things you want to do:
1. Get her attention! As long as she's thinking of you, she's not troubling her mind with self-destruction of any kind. No need to be an attention whore, more on this later.
2. Make subtle suggestions. This kind of people don't want you telling them what to do, but if you use small hints (eg. you mention today's awesome weather -> a walk in the park) then they'll believe they're taking the initiative and improving by themselves. This is very important because they mustn't become attached to you;otherwise, when you leave, things may get bad again.
3. Nag every now and then (if you are given a chance, don't act ooc). By displaying yourself as someone in a far worse situation than them, may get them to reconsider their own position and actions.
4. While dating her, be as positive as you can, show her the bright side of life.
5. Don't get caught. If she figures out your feelings, doubt can twist everything to the other side (eg. you've been lying and controlling her, you don't really love her, you think she's unstable, etc.), which can be the end to your relationship with her. That's the bad ending, goes without saying you'll be wanting to prevent this at all costs.
6. If she does get better with time, you can loosen up and divide your attention between her and whatever else you were doing before she got in your life. Still drop by to say hello like a good friend, by that time she will have realized your feelings without being hurt, and may continue on her own.
As Kaijo said, confidence and self-esteem help, but I've also encountered people who think they're fine, but the world around them is rotting - in which case you implement #3: a hyperbole of the highest class and a trip to the funfair will help see the world with different eyes.
Finally, you need to PAY attention. Start by having fun and playing games, after a few days if you happen to see her down, ask what's troubling her, do your best to heal her heart without too much zeal (or it might lead to #5). Be her knight in flashy leather, with words of wisdom and a heart of solace.

One last thing I forgot to mention: she's not your daughter, don't get too stressed over it. I've had a good share of people to look after with FAR worse problems (mentally deranged and bullied in school, suicidal workaholics,etc.) and they all turned out fine.

VM me if you need more information~
__________________

Last edited by Kafriel; 2010-03-26 at 16:12. Reason: added moar
Kafriel is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2010-03-26, 18:56   Link #3997
Haruka_Kitten
The AnimeSuki Pet kitten
*IT Support
 
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: A furry den
Age: 22
Send a message via MSN to Haruka_Kitten Send a message via Yahoo to Haruka_Kitten Send a message via Skype™ to Haruka_Kitten
*whistles* wow, there's a lot I've missed in my week of budding happiness. Thank you all for your advice, and I've moved on...more or less...I think that by this stage I'm so desperate for a date that I shallowly caved into the fact that I may be bisexual/or just curious as to why. Again, thankyou, I still lean towards dating a girl for obvious reasons.

Quote:
Originally Posted by SaintessHeart View Post
Well it seems that I am in a life and death situation now despite having a new cute girl to ogle at.

If you guys do remember about that tsundere I am talking about, she has a younger sister. This girl suffers from terminal depression and cuts herself, so the elder sis's friends (namely me and a few others) take turns to watch over her when the elder one is away.

I had a history with the younger, as in I slapped her when I first met her. Of course the older one wasn't that happy that a pervert like me is so close to her sister, but we had the same interests : anime, manga and cosplay, so she lets it slide.

To cut a story short, this girl asked me to go out with her today, which I did after calling a few others to come along. When I met her today she was alone waiting for me in a tank top showing off all her scars. After getting her a jacket to cover up her shoulders, she told me that all the other people are not able to come, so I spent the whole day alone with her. On the way back she asked me if she could call me "kor" (meaning elder brother). I just went,"hmm ok".

When I went back and grilled those people who gave me the slip, it turned out that she told them that today's event was cancelled. After I told them what happened, all of them told me that it is probably she likes me and gave me the following solutions :

1. Tell her that I like her older sister - quite dangerous IMO. I don't want to hurt her feelings, neither do I want my teeth knocked out.

2. Tell her that I am gay - a male friend offered to back me up and suggested that the older girl will be inhesitant to reinforce it. - ABSOLUTELY NO WAY.

3. Avoid her - looks like the best solution, but I can't escape forever.

Any other suggestions that won't hurt her feelings? As much as I want to have her as my girlfriend and have my way with her because she is rather submissive, I don't think it is right to be in a relationship with a girl just for that. Besides, I like the older one despite me being her personal punching bag. If I reject the younger outright, not only she might start cutting herself all over again, I will definitely get my face rearranged by the older.
Without a doubt, you've managed to get yourself into some spot of trouble. I can relate heavily to the fact that this girl is on the brink of self harm (heck, I surround myself with people who have or have had depression almost everyday, and even I suffer from it). I'm afraid, though, that apart from all the advice already given on this matter, that I cannot give anymore in the time I have now. I only hope that you don't set her off, as they say, "hell hath no wrath like a woman scorned".
__________________
"That bus! It has an awesome ring to it!"
Haruka_Kitten is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2010-03-26, 21:18   Link #3998
yoropa
Director
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
I knew a girl who cut herself a lot for some reason. Even when people cried at her, begging her to stop, she wouldn't. It's not like her life was really all that bad, it was actually pretty good. People sadly don't seem to be able to consider the idea that their actions are hurting others. It's a selfish thing to do, and cutting yourself is ultimately a cry for help, sometimes even general attention.

I do know that if someone pointed out her cuts in a very public area, she would instantly hide her arm and act like it's normal. I don't know if that led her to cut more later but I do know that from observing that, she is ashamed of herself completely that she'll even hide her attempt at grabbing attention.

You're in some dangerous waters there since at any given moment she might lose it. Dating her against your real will can only lead to more pain since eventually you'll have enough of it and that'll lead her into a deeper path of destruction. Just ask yourself if you think you can deal with that sort of relationship. You probably can't.

Don't lead her on. Rejection ultimately is less painful than being led on and duped. At least one of those two is straight up and honest, and there's something to say about that. I'd still be friendly but make sure she knows you're not going to date her. And like Kafriel said, do nag and complain about stuff. Maybe she'll realize how good her life actually is when you do that.

I know for a fact that, outside of relationships, me nagging about the truth is enough for people to realize their life doesn't suck (but mine sure as heck does, comparatively, hah).
yoropa is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2010-03-27, 00:37   Link #3999
SaintessHeart
NYAAAAHAAANNNNN~
 
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Age: 26
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kafriel View Post
Well, this still has to do with dating, so I guess it's on-topic. Once again, I don't know how bad your friend's sister is, so I shall assume she's in the worst possible condition of do or die for you.
Things you want to do:
1. Get her attention! As long as she's thinking of you, she's not troubling her mind with self-destruction of any kind. No need to be an attention whore, more on this later.
2. Make subtle suggestions. This kind of people don't want you telling them what to do, but if you use small hints (eg. you mention today's awesome weather -> a walk in the park) then they'll believe they're taking the initiative and improving by themselves. This is very important because they mustn't become attached to you;otherwise, when you leave, things may get bad again.
3. Nag every now and then (if you are given a chance, don't act ooc). By displaying yourself as someone in a far worse situation than them, may get them to reconsider their own position and actions.
4. While dating her, be as positive as you can, show her the bright side of life.
5. Don't get caught. If she figures out your feelings, doubt can twist everything to the other side (eg. you've been lying and controlling her, you don't really love her, you think she's unstable, etc.), which can be the end to your relationship with her. That's the bad ending, goes without saying you'll be wanting to prevent this at all costs.
6. If she does get better with time, you can loosen up and divide your attention between her and whatever else you were doing before she got in your life. Still drop by to say hello like a good friend, by that time she will have realized your feelings without being hurt, and may continue on her own.
As Kaijo said, confidence and self-esteem help, but I've also encountered people who think they're fine, but the world around them is rotting - in which case you implement #3: a hyperbole of the highest class and a trip to the funfair will help see the world with different eyes.
Finally, you need to PAY attention. Start by having fun and playing games, after a few days if you happen to see her down, ask what's troubling her, do your best to heal her heart without too much zeal (or it might lead to #5). Be her knight in flashy leather, with words of wisdom and a heart of solace.

One last thing I forgot to mention: she's not your daughter, don't get too stressed over it. I've had a good share of people to look after with FAR worse problems (mentally deranged and bullied in school, suicidal workaholics,etc.) and they all turned out fine.

VM me if you need more information~
From what I know of people with depression, their thinking goes around in circles and they are unable to break out of it. She stopped cutting herself after I slapped her last time, but apparently started it again when she is taking her 'A's this year. Too stressful for her.

Spoiler for more info:


Actually, there is no need to fear that her knowing that I think of her as mentally unstable. She attempts to act normal in front of me most of the time, which is easily broken by, "Quit emo-ing and tell me what's wrong". Usually her problems are with her friends, the best ones are those who bitch at her being emo, then do forward blasting at those who just sit in, listen and do nothing (NMP approach). She can't take the harsh words, but these girls, thankfully don't give up and keep driving her to stand up for herself. I have a reason to suspect that these girls actually pushed her to ask me out, but there is nothing I could do : they click too well with the older that any attempt of blame shifting will end up making her think that I am trying to make her little sis psychologically submit to me.

I don't want her. I want her older sister (who is dating some Londoner at her uni overseas). I just thought of the younger as a little sister and never had feelings for her. I need to stave her off 1 more year before her parents send her off to join her sister : right now I need her to maintain her straight As (yes she is THAT GOOD with her grades). Considering the fact that I talk to her more than she talks to her sister and friends, I am in quite a spot right now. The tsundere threatened to break my neck if I do anything to her sister - and I believe that she means it.

P.S The guys in my clique all went for No.2. A soft guy who doesn't like fighting =/= a gay. And why the heck of all the guys I have to be the target for all these kind of unpleasant things?
__________________

When three puppygirls named after pastries are on top of each other, it is called Eclair a'la menthe et Biscotti aux fraises avec beaucoup de Ricotta sur le dessus.
Most of all, you have to be disciplined and you have to save, even if you hate our current financial system. Because if you don't save, then you're guaranteed to end up with nothing.
SaintessHeart is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 2010-03-27, 02:16   Link #4000
Kafriel
Senior Guest
 
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Athens (GMT+2)
Age: 26
Quote:
She stopped cutting herself after I slapped her last time, but apparently started it again when she is taking her 'A's this year. Too stressful for her.
Since this is the case, just be a good tutor. Tell her that the world won't end if she gets a B, she doesn't live for school or her parents, and unless she's aiming high (lawyer,doctor,architect,etc.) she has no reason to get all worked up about her grades. It takes a lot to reach the point she already has, not many people would make it this far.
Quote:
their thinking goes around in circles and they are unable to break out of it.
While they do switch moods all the time (happy in the morning, blue at night), they can grow out of it as long as there is support from the people around them. You said before that she's antisocial, so she spends a lot of time alone, most likely over-thinking things. If someone's around her all the time though, she won't be given the appropriate mood to become sad (unlike when she goes to the bathroom before sleeping, which allows for mirror-staring). Present her with all the cheerful options you can think of, she will eventually grow tired of being sad;people don't like to look pathetic, the very action of cutting deteriorates their already bad impression of themselves. Anyway, good luck if you date her, when this is all over and the tsun-sister thanks you, be sure to tell her with a sad face that you endured it all for her :P
__________________
Kafriel is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
advice, break-ups, dating, dating after divorce, divorce, happiness, love, pairings, single dad, single mom

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 14:07.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8
Copyright ©2000 - 2015, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
We use Silk.