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Old 2010-03-27, 02:45   Link #4001
Wrath88
Kissing...
 
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Quote:
Originally Posted by SaintessHeart View Post
I don't want her. I want her older sister (who is dating some Londoner at her uni overseas). I just thought of the younger as a little sister and never had feelings for her. I need to stave her off 1 more year before her parents send her off to join her sister : right now I need her to maintain her straight As (yes she is THAT GOOD with her grades). Considering the fact that I talk to her more than she talks to her sister and friends, I am in quite a spot right now. The tsundere threatened to break my neck if I do anything to her sister - and I believe that she means it.

P.S The guys in my clique all went for No.2. A soft guy who doesn't like fighting =/= a gay. And why the heck of all the guys I have to be the target for all these kind of unpleasant things?
What happens if you tried to tell her that it's not a good idea as she'll have to go overseas eventually? Or would that make her screw up her grades on purpose?

P.S. blame it on the same luck that gets harem leads their harems. You can't do anything about it but complain.
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Old 2010-03-27, 10:53   Link #4002
Nogitsune
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Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Germany
Age: 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kafriel View Post
While they do switch moods all the time (happy in the morning, blue at night), they can grow out of it as long as there is support from the people around them. You said before that she's antisocial, so she spends a lot of time alone, most likely over-thinking things. If someone's around her all the time though, she won't be given the appropriate mood to become sad (unlike when she goes to the bathroom before sleeping, which allows for mirror-staring). Present her with all the cheerful options you can think of, she will eventually grow tired of being sad;people don't like to look pathetic, the very action of cutting deteriorates their already bad impression of themselves. Anyway, good luck if you date her, when this is all over and the tsun-sister thanks you, be sure to tell her with a sad face that you endured it all for her :P
I think you make it sound a bit too easy.
There are people suffering from depression who just can't break the circle. They try and try and while it usually helps, they don't get completely fine again. That's why there's very strong medication against depression - because it's an illness good friends and therapy alone can't always cure.
I agree that people usually don't want to be miserable, but that is exactly what often leads to (even more) self-hate. The cause of a depression might very well be negative thinking, but once the depression is there, it's not always enough to try and think positively.

It also sounds to me like SaintessHeart really doesn't want to date that girl, so I'd suggest talking to the older sister about the problem, or to her friends, who sound like they are pretty good ones. If that's not possible... well, you could try to become a good friend to her, too, but don't force yourself. You're not her therapist (by the way, did she ever try therapy? That might actually help), and dating her just to "fix" her, which might even be impossible for you if you truly wanted to stay with her, could lead to all kinds of unpleasant results.
You know that girl personally, though, so you're probably the one here with the best chance at making the right decision.
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Old 2010-03-28, 07:31   Link #4003
Animelover#1
Kouta...
 
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
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@Sainteness.

If it was me, I'd probably not date her, but be like the "loving 'older brother'" You might want to talk to her older sister and explain the situation and what your trying to do to help. Then do what you can to make the younger sister feel confident in herself, and feel wanted in the world.

The risk here is that she will grow more in love with you.
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Old 2010-03-29, 19:45   Link #4004
yoropa
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Join Date: Feb 2010
I'm falling more and more for this one girl I know and I don't even know why.
I've been inspired to write freaking love haiku about the situation.
What is wrong with me? Ughhh...
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Old 2010-03-29, 21:42   Link #4005
Ascaloth
I don't give a damn, dude
 
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: In Despair
Age: 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by yoropa View Post
I'm falling more and more for this one girl I know and I don't even know why.
I've been inspired to write freaking love haiku about the situation.
What is wrong with me? Ughhh...
Cold shower time.

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Old 2010-03-29, 22:16   Link #4006
yoropa
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Ahahaha.

No but really this sucks, I can't afford this right now. XD
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Old 2010-03-29, 22:33   Link #4007
SaintessHeart
NYAAAAHAAANNNNN~
 
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Age: 26
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ascaloth View Post
Cold shower time.

It doesn't work that way. He has to bash his head against the wall 15 times or go diving with white sharks.

Anyway, on my side, things just got a little worse. During a train ride last Saturday, she wasn't tall enough to reach the handlebars, so I jokingly said that she could use me as one. She did and grabbed my arm so we end up looking like a couple in the sardine can while my friends pretended not to see anything.

Secondly, she popped questions like :

"Do you have a girlfriend? Why not?"

"Why don't you look for one?"

"What kind of girls are you looking for?"


Which I answered :

"Nope. I am already married." - She took my words for real for a moment lol. Wish it lasted.

"Like I said, I am already married. I stay faithful to my wives." - She replied, "I mean, RL girls."

"Catgirls." - She gave me a facepalm expression and laughed.

I proceed to ask a stupid question, "So you looking for a boyfriend?" She replied, "I wish I have one.", so I hurriedly changed the subject by telling her that she should concentrate on her studies because it is her 'A's year then start nagging.

Seems like I only have a few more months left to live (as soon as the older one gets back). Wish me luck.
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Old 2010-03-29, 22:42   Link #4008
Ascaloth
I don't give a damn, dude
 
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: In Despair
Age: 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by yoropa View Post
Ahahaha.

No but really this sucks, I can't afford this right now. XD
Well, we've all been there before (the guys at least, can't presume to speak for the girls). The only real solution to this is time; just let time pass, and your amorous feelings should eventually cool. It could take a long time though; I remember crushing heavily on a girl for up to a year back in junior college.

That said, I'm curious as to why you said you can't afford it. Any particular reasons you can't act on your feelings and try pursuing the girl instead?

Quote:
Originally Posted by SaintessHeart View Post
Anyway, on my side, things just got a little worse. During a train ride last Saturday, she wasn't tall enough to reach the handlebars, so I jokingly said that she could use me as one. She did and grabbed my arm so we end up looking like a couple in the sardine can while my friends pretended not to see anything.

Secondly, she popped questions like :

"Do you have a girlfriend? Why not?"

"Why don't you look for one?"

"What kind of girls are you looking for?"

Which I answered :

"Nope. I am already married." - She took my words for real for a moment lol. Wish it lasted.

"Like I said, I am already married. I stay faithful to my wives." - She replied, "I mean, RL girls."

"Catgirls." - She gave me a facepalm expression and laughed.

I proceed to ask a stupid question, "So you looking for a boyfriend?" She replied, "I wish I have one.", so I hurriedly changed the subject by telling her that she should concentrate on her studies because it is her 'A's year then start nagging.

Seems like I only have a few more months left to live (as soon as the older one gets back). Wish me luck.
Hmmm.

Well, I think the best option you have at this point is to preemptively come clean with the oneechan, actually. Tell her straight that you're really not interested in the imouto, but don't know how to reject her without causing the latter to cut herself again. Given that oneechan probably knows imouto better than anyone, she could prove to be your most useful ally in solving this issue, and that's even if you have to endure another world of hurt from her beforehand (which, I might add, is not guaranteed when it comes to things like this).
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Old 2010-03-29, 22:47   Link #4009
yoropa
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Oh you gotta be careful there Saintess. I had one girl do the same to me, just started asking me "Do you have a girlfriend?" and then a few minutes later asked me out and I definitely had no interest in her whatsoever so I said no. But ugh, be careful man!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ascaloth View Post
That said, I'm curious as to why you said you can't afford it. Any particular reasons you can't act on your feelings and try pursuing the girl instead?
Girlfriends cost money and I'm poor. XD
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Old 2010-03-29, 23:00   Link #4010
SaintessHeart
NYAAAAHAAANNNNN~
 
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Age: 26
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ascaloth View Post
Hmmm.

Well, I think the best option you have at this point is to preemptively come clean with the oneechan, actually. Tell her straight that you're really not interested in the imouto, but don't know how to reject her without causing the latter to cut herself again. Given that oneechan probably knows imouto better than anyone, she could prove to be your most useful ally in solving this issue, and that's even if you have to endure another world of hurt from her beforehand (which, I might add, is not guaranteed when it comes to things like this).
The older is somewhere in UK right now. If I told her, she would start screaming her head off and threaten to burn my house down then bury my six feet under. Her temper is shorter than a pinky and hotter than a plasma-based flamethrower.

Besides, I don't want both of them to fight. It would put me in a bad position as a two-timer (which apparently I am not). Then also, the younger one is so helplessly cute to the extent of almost irresistible : thank goodness for army training, or else I would have done her now.
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When three puppygirls named after pastries are on top of each other, it is called Eclair a'la menthe et Biscotti aux fraises avec beaucoup de Ricotta sur le dessus.
Most of all, you have to be disciplined and you have to save, even if you hate our current financial system. Because if you don't save, then you're guaranteed to end up with nothing.
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Old 2010-03-30, 00:06   Link #4011
yoropa
Director
 
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
If she's so cute why can't she find another guy and leave you alone? Maybe you have a friend you can get her to meet who you can get to be more impressive and pass her along to, if she's causing you trouble?

Now I guess my problem. This really blows and I've been looking for distractions and so tomorrow I'll actually tackle my enormous homework load given to me over this break (some break, two full chapters of AP Biology, a three-hour Calculus take-home exam, and having to read a full book for English) and hopefully that'll work. Dammit adorable nice girls, guhh.
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Last edited by yoropa; 2010-03-30 at 00:47.
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Old 2010-03-30, 00:53   Link #4012
Ascaloth
I don't give a damn, dude
 
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: In Despair
Age: 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by yoropa View Post
Girlfriends cost money and I'm poor. XD
For such a simple, mercenary reason? 10 bucks that should you decide to follow your gut feelings, this wouldn't be much of a counter-reason.

Quote:
Originally Posted by SaintessHeart View Post
The older is somewhere in UK right now. If I told her, she would start screaming her head off and threaten to burn my house down then bury my six feet under. Her temper is shorter than a pinky and hotter than a plasma-based flamethrower.

Besides, I don't want both of them to fight. It would put me in a bad position as a two-timer (which apparently I am not). Then also, the younger one is so helplessly cute to the extent of almost irresistible : thank goodness for army training, or else I would have done her now.
There's tsundere, and then there's just plain unreasonable. If the older resorts to what you said, then she would be the latter.

This is one of the things you have to stand firm on, particularly since not only does it affect you greatly, it's true that you didn't even ask for this. It's not like you ever tried to hit on the younger, so by right the older cannot reasonably pin the blame on you for the younger crushing on you. It's up to you to tell the older girl that, so don't be a chickenshit (like the last time) and get it over with.

Besides, I find it likely you're just assuming what her behaviour would be. Is it impossible that her reaction would be a lot more reasonable than you think?
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Old 2010-03-30, 01:04   Link #4013
yoropa
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ascaloth View Post
For such a simple, mercenary reason? 10 bucks that should you decide to follow your gut feelings, this wouldn't be much of a counter-reason.
Problem 2: She's an exchange student. ><

I have got to stop falling for international ladies...
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Old 2010-03-30, 01:07   Link #4014
Ascaloth
I don't give a damn, dude
 
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: In Despair
Age: 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by yoropa View Post
Problem 2: She's an exchange student. ><

I have got to stop falling for international ladies...
That's slightly more of a problem, but considering my girl isn't a local either, I'd dare say this gets lumped into the same category as the first reason.

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Old 2010-03-30, 01:10   Link #4015
cheyannew
PolyPerson!
 
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Northern VA
Quote:
Originally Posted by yoropa View Post
Girlfriends cost money and I'm poor. XD
man you're dating the wrong people then ROFL


a date for me and my gf could be dinner and a movie, or we're just as happy gathering up the kids, and taking them all to a playground and snuggle while they run around like fools
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Old 2010-03-30, 01:14   Link #4016
Nervous Venus
Senior Member
 
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Between a rock and a hard place.
Age: 29
What happens when you're dating a guy who's actually okay with you paying for everything on dates? Is this a bad sign?

(Female here.)
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Old 2010-03-30, 01:16   Link #4017
yoropa
Director
 
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Quote:
Originally Posted by cheyannew View Post
man you're dating the wrong people then ROFL


a date for me and my gf could be dinner and a movie, or we're just as happy gathering up the kids, and taking them all to a playground and snuggle while they run around like fools
For the record I haven't actually dated anybody, leaving me as one of two people (to my knowledge) in the grade who has not done anything like that. I'm pretty pathetic. XD

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nervous Venus View Post
What happens when you're dating a guy who's actually okay with you paying for everything on dates? Is this a bad sign?

(Female here.)
It might mean he's poor and is really grateful, in my case.
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Old 2010-03-30, 01:36   Link #4018
Tsuyoshi
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Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: The Great Justice
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SaintessHeart View Post
It doesn't work that way. He has to bash his head against the wall 15 times or go diving with white sharks.

Anyway, on my side, things just got a little worse. During a train ride last Saturday, she wasn't tall enough to reach the handlebars, so I jokingly said that she could use me as one. She did and grabbed my arm so we end up looking like a couple in the sardine can while my friends pretended not to see anything.

Secondly, she popped questions like :

"Do you have a girlfriend? Why not?"

"Why don't you look for one?"

"What kind of girls are you looking for?"


Which I answered :

"Nope. I am already married." - She took my words for real for a moment lol. Wish it lasted.

"Like I said, I am already married. I stay faithful to my wives." - She replied, "I mean, RL girls."

"Catgirls." - She gave me a facepalm expression and laughed.

I proceed to ask a stupid question, "So you looking for a boyfriend?" She replied, "I wish I have one.", so I hurriedly changed the subject by telling her that she should concentrate on her studies because it is her 'A's year then start nagging.

Seems like I only have a few more months left to live (as soon as the older one gets back). Wish me luck.
Lol, it looks like you made it pretty clear to her that you're not interested. But if she's so cute that the only thing keeping you from taking her is army training, why not just accept her and actually go out with her? I don't mean to offend you when I say this, but to me, it looks like you're giving ridiculous answers to make her think you're just way out there in terms of your interests to try and discourage her from going out with you. In other words, you're trying to make yourself look like an idiot to her so you don't have her bothering you again. But really, I don't see what the problem is with her. She said she wants to improve, doesn't she? I think going out with someone that she likes could do just that, and considering you think she actually is cute, there's no reason not to spend time with her iibh, including fear of the older sister who, imho, won't try to kill you for rejecting her. It's her fault for cutting herself (or however else she'll deal with a rejection on your part), not yours.
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Old 2010-03-30, 08:06   Link #4019
Kaige
Under Construction
 
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: NJ - USA
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nervous Venus View Post
What happens when you're dating a guy who's actually okay with you paying for everything on dates? Is this a bad sign?

(Female here.)
It depends. Do you feel as if he's taking advantage or its just the way it ends up?

The key is where the initiative is coming from - if you're taking the reins and making the move, he might be just letting you wear the pants. If he's dropping suggestions and inviting you out only to leave the bill, then something might be up.
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Old 2010-03-30, 08:29   Link #4020
yoropa
Director
 
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Okay so I'm losing sleep over this, which is the first problem. The second problem is that I have no driver's license or permit which would interfere with the whole "going out" thing. Third, based on some new regulations added, it has now become 500x harder for me to get even a basic permit and I won't go into the details on that but chances are I won't be able to obtain one until I'm 25 or so at this rate.

This means that my only real methods of transportation for anything, not just this, would be foot and mooching rides off of others. This makes me one of two people in the grade who cannot drive, unrelated to being one of two people who have not been in a relationship (to my knowledge on both of those).

I mean, I dunno maybe "Wanna take a ride on my shoes?" is attractive to some girls... Even if I had a legal means of driving I still wouldn't have a car. Couple this with me not playing any sports, being absurdly underweight (I'm not anorexic, but I sure look it...), and being damn ugly (not gonna even try to kid myself on this one), and I'm not exactly what you'd call "boyfriend material," even by the slightest stretch of imagination.

So it's a big problem I can't stop thinking about this girl. =_=
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