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Old 2010-04-06, 16:40   Link #4121
Shiemi
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UltimaWolf, I agree with what the others have said. There are too many negatives (drinking too much, loving her ex, treating you like crap.) The fact that you checked her text messages too when you were to text her friend can have a background of you internally not trusting her too. In that sense, it wouldn't work either when there's no trust. If she still loves her ex, she has issues to deal with and is not ready for a relationship. You're definitely better off without.
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Old 2010-04-06, 21:20   Link #4122
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Originally Posted by UltimaWolf
She tells me she is going to sleep in her car and to leave her alone...though it wasn't as nice as that...and so I eventually go back inside and shower
The softie in me almost wished that you had stayed outside with her (even if you had to sit a distance away), instead of traipsing inside by yourself to shower and leaving a drunk girl alone in her car.

I don't think it was right of her to say those things to you, but I don't think it was right for you to check her messages either.

I think the both of you need to sit down (when she's sober, at least) and have a long talk. It seems like you're beating around the bush with her, and both of you are keeping your feelings hidden from each other, and that's not good for the both of you in the long run.
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Old 2010-04-07, 08:47   Link #4123
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The softie in me almost wished that you had stayed outside with her (even if you had to sit a distance away), instead of traipsing inside by yourself to shower and leaving a drunk girl alone in her car.
Considering that she was drunk and wanted to be left alone, I think he made the right decision. Even if he'd followed her and stayed a distance away, I imagine she still would have gotten angry at him, so he was really in a no win situation; he could have gone with her, but he might have just made things worse by not giving her distance when she wanted it.

Quote:
I think the both of you need to sit down (when she's sober, at least) and have a long talk. It seems like you're beating around the bush with her, and both of you are keeping your feelings hidden from each other, and that's not good for the both of you in the long run.
I don't really think there's anything for either of them to discuss at this point. I do think the situation was made worse by the fact that there was an "off and on" thing going on with them even though they were officially separated, and it seems that she has some conflicted emotions over him and her other ex. IMO, the best decision is to wait and see if she says anything about it first before deciding what to do next.
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Old 2010-04-07, 13:33   Link #4124
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I don't really think there's anything for either of them to discuss at this point. I do think the situation was made worse by the fact that there was an "off and on" thing going on with them even though they were officially separated, and it seems that she has some conflicted emotions over him and her other ex. IMO, the best decision is to wait and see if she says anything about it first before deciding what to do next.
well i would say that it's best to atleast talk about it, talking never hurts. in this case it will most likely clear up a whole lot and in the conversation they could decide wether to go on like this or cut their losses.
and that waiting could make it worse in case he wants to continou with her, for it might come over as not caring about her.
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Old 2010-04-07, 15:11   Link #4125
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I got a chance to talk to her a lot today. I didn't ask her out, but we talked. And the more we talked the more sweet this girl becomes. She truly is a good person.

And unfortunately shortly after that, unrelated, I got penned with a ridiculous amount of racist terms against me by freshmen, completely ruining the mood. -_- I woulda wailed on them but I gots a cold and my muscles all hurt.
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Old 2010-04-07, 16:17   Link #4126
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well i would say that it's best to atleast talk about it, talking never hurts. in this case it will most likely clear up a whole lot and in the conversation they could decide wether to go on like this or cut their losses.
and that waiting could make it worse in case he wants to continou with her, for it might come over as not caring about her.
Part of the problem here is that there's blame on both sides. She obviously treated him badly, no denying that, but he shouldn't have gone through her messages like he did, even if he was just curious and meant no harm by it. That said, unless she confronts him over it specifically while sober, I see no reason for them to talk again about it, since there largely seems to be no harm done. Especially considering I'm not a big fan of the whole "Give my ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love toy a second chance", so the thought of him reaching out to her as a "just in case" manuver seems low to me.
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Old 2010-04-07, 16:28   Link #4127
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Originally Posted by RadiantBeam View Post
Part of the problem here is that there's blame on both sides. She obviously treated him badly, no denying that, but he shouldn't have gone through her messages like he did, even if he was just curious and meant no harm by it. That said, unless she confronts him over it specifically while sober, I see no reason for them to talk again about it, since there largely seems to be no harm done. Especially considering I'm not a big fan of the whole "Give my ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love toy a second chance", so the thought of him reaching out to her as a "just in case" manuver seems low to me.
still a talk should have been necessary, only to clear up the things that might disturb each. it shouldn't even have to be about that single thing, but only to know how they should continou. if what they have or what they want is resonable and realistic. if not to finally close the entire affair between the 2.
i would say that if your really in love, even you would believe in
Quote:
"Give my ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love toy a second chance"
, so i understand where he's coming from. you can't order the heart what the mind wants.
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Old 2010-04-07, 16:31   Link #4128
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i would say that if your really in love, even you would believe in , so i understand where he's coming from. you can't order the heart what the mind wants.
IMO, whether or not you love someone or have the capability to love at all isn't a measure of deciding to take back someone who has hurt you or mistreated you. And I believe that you mean something more along the lines of "The mind cannot control the heart".
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Old 2010-04-07, 16:39   Link #4129
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Originally Posted by RadiantBeam View Post
IMO, whether or not you love someone or have the capability to love at all isn't a measure of deciding to take back someone who has hurt you or mistreated you. And I believe that you mean something more along the lines of "The mind cannot control the heart".
trust me i see that hurt part every day and the female doesn't stop loving the male and gives him a second chance every time.
in the end it comes to how much you love someone and how much that love blinds you. love makes you set aside or even forget about the pain the other has inflicted upon you.
yeah, i meant that.
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Old 2010-04-07, 16:40   Link #4130
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trust me i see that hurt part every day and the female doesn't stop loving the male and gives him a second chance every time.
in the end it comes to how much you love someone and how much that love blinds you. love makes you set aside or even forget about the pain the other has inflicted upon you.
yeah, i meant that.
I call BS on that, mostly because IMO there's only so much pain a person can take before they set down their foot and say, "I've had enough of this." Just because you love someone, no matter how deeply, doesn't give you a decent excuse to go back to them again and again, especially if they've hurt you before or mistreated you. There's only so far love can go in some circumstances, it isn't the instant cure for everything.
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Old 2010-04-07, 16:45   Link #4131
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Originally Posted by RadiantBeam View Post
I call BS on that, mostly because IMO there's only so much pain a person can take before they set down their foot and say, "I've had enough of this." Just because you love someone, no matter how deeply, doesn't give you a decent excuse to go back to them again and again, especially if they've hurt you before or mistreated you. There's only so far love can go in some circumstances, it isn't the instant cure for everything.
no it's the painkillers that makes you numb of the pain, so that you won't feel it. but yeah after sooooo many times even love can't persuade you to go back. but before that time comes, love is quite capablle numbing the pain and affecting you so that you decide to give the other side a second chance.
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Old 2010-04-07, 16:47   Link #4132
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no it's the painkillers that makes you numb of the pain, so that you won't feel it. but yeah after sooooo many times even love can't persuade you to go back. but before that time comes, love is quite capablle numbing the pain and affecting you so that you decide to give the other side a second chance.
I still highly doubt that. You have to consider such factors as what was actually going on in the relationship before there was seperation, and beyond that you have to step back and consider if the personalities of the two are capable of meshing with each other without causing problems. Sometimes, two people just can't make it work, even with a second shot.
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Old 2010-04-07, 16:52   Link #4133
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I still highly doubt that. You have to consider such factors as what was actually going on in the relationship before there was seperation, and beyond that you have to step back and consider if the personalities of the two are capable of meshing with each other without causing problems. Sometimes, two people just can't make it work, even with a second shot.
there you go with logic.
love isn't logic, it's everything but logic. you think that you could possibly look at it like you do now when it's you that's deeply in love with someone.
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Old 2010-04-07, 16:54   Link #4134
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there you go with logic.
love isn't logic, it's everything but logic. you think that you could possibly look at it like you do now when it's you that's deeply in love with someone.
As someone who was deeply in love with her best friend for six years, I think I know what I'm talking about. Yes, love is hardly logical, but what you describe is the "first" love, if you may; that passionate, hot, burning feeling that makes thinking almost impossible, you're just soaring so high. What makes or breaks the relationship is when you land and that passionate love fades; when you have to decide if there's more to your feelings than just that first surge.
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Old 2010-04-07, 16:57   Link #4135
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As someone who was deeply in love with her best friend for six years, I think I know what I'm talking about. Yes, love is hardly logical, but what you describe is the "first" love, if you may; that passionate, hot, burning feeling that makes thinking almost impossible, you're just soaring so high. What makes or breaks the relationship is when you land and that passionate love fades; when you have to decide if there's more to your feelings than just that first surge.
yeah i guess.
but it's getting late and i grow weary about debating something so futile as love so i give you win.
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Old 2010-04-07, 17:01   Link #4136
Shiemi
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Originally Posted by psycho_luny View Post
trust me i see that hurt part every day and the female doesn't stop loving the male and gives him a second chance every time.
in the end it comes to how much you love someone and how much that love blinds you. love makes you set aside or even forget about the pain the other has inflicted upon you.
yeah, i meant that.
The female can stop loving the male when she wakes up. Yes, sometimes love can make you blind to the point of idiocy. I can testify to that. I was in a domestic violence marriage for five years so yup, I continued forgiving him whenever he would ask for forgiveness. Whenever he apologized and said: "It's not going to happen again. I'm going to change", he would also take me to the mall and have me choose whatever I wanted. Still, there is a limit and I reached mine. I got to the point where I only felt total coldness and bitterness. I didn't feel any love whatsoever anymore.

It took me a year in therapy to be able to forgive him (but not to forget!!!) and diminish all the anger I had inside of me. In the process, I started a new relationship and in my anger, I was psychologically abusing my new boyfriend without knowing I was doing so. Fortunately, he didn't give up on me and with his help and the help of my counselor, I woke up to that too and then my new relationship was better than ever and still is.

The pain can be forgotten for some time, but not forever. I'm really glad I got out of that.
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Old 2010-04-07, 17:02   Link #4137
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It sounds particularly troublesome to have racist freshmen and a girl he loves, along with a cold to contend with.
Wandering a bit off topic here, but is there anything that can be done about the racist freshmen? I'm kind of surprised that there's no place or way to report them when they make such comments against another student.
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Old 2010-04-07, 19:31   Link #4138
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Granted I did scare the crap out of them. Luckily she wasn't around when that happened, haha. Cold is actually not a cold but rather an ear infection, which is quite lovely.

I am most worried about people thinking I am a jackass because let's face it, I was some pretty strong opinions on most matters. I'm totally down with intelligent negotiations but the fact is most people aren't smart enough to debate like that.

I'm less worried about our racial differences but more on our religious differences. Now I'm sure one of you is going to say that shouldn't play a role but it honestly does. I'm very conflicted here as such, but she's really just such a kindhearted person. It's difficult to see something like this working out, I know.
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Old 2010-04-07, 19:48   Link #4139
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@UltimaWolf: I'm sorry, but to me it sounds like you've been had right there and then. It is very like my first ex-girlfriend, baited into dating her and left for dead. It's only now that I have broken up with her about 6 months ago do I realise that I made a mistake up until last October.

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I am most worried about people thinking I am a jackass because let's face it, I was some pretty strong opinions on most matters. I'm totally down with intelligent negotiations but the fact is most people aren't smart enough to debate like that.

I'm less worried about our racial differences but more on our religious differences. Now I'm sure one of you is going to say that shouldn't play a role but it honestly does. I'm very conflicted here as such, but she's really just such a kindhearted person. It's difficult to see something like this working out, I know.

Spoiler for topc off:


Well, I spent most of yesterday with this guy I had mentioned earlier. I do find it really surreal. A month ago I probably wouldn't have even considered something as dating a guy, and now I'm gobsmacked that it turned out really well. He's really alot better than my first ex, as I stated earlier in this post, she was a handful. I can say I had a good time...and that's all I'll say. My biggest hurdle now will be the reaction from the school community. If someone even thinks about teasing me over this, I promise I will not hesitate to give them a piece of my mind and a greeting with my fist.
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Last edited by Haruka_Kitten; 2010-04-07 at 19:49. Reason: wrong spot to put the topic off emoticon
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Old 2010-04-07, 20:00   Link #4140
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If someone even thinks about teasing me over this, I promise I will not hesitate to give them a piece of my mind and a greeting with my fist.
I'd hesitate at using your fists for a greeting. I can understand how frustrating it is to be teased by people, and giving them a piece of your mind hurts nobody, but you aren't really making a good case for yourself or your feelings when you punch out anybody who teases you.
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