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Old 2008-01-20, 17:35   Link #441
Generic Asian Guy
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Thanks for the replies deathreape98, Lonestar9 and Ledgem (And congratulations to you deathreape98 and Lonestar9)

I'll definitely try to keep an eye out, and "respond" back to glances with a smile xD I've always "dreamed" of meeting "the one" completely by chance, on the subway, somewhere in school, or even at a wedding or party; perhaps this is a sign I should stop watching romantic anime... (just kidding).

Very interesting post about luck, thanks! I'll start making an attempt to keep my head up and an eye out for any prolonged stares coming my way
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Old 2008-01-20, 22:23   Link #442
Vestus
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ledgem View Post
The girl for you won't fall out of the sky and into your lap, you'll meet her somehow. I feel that my girlfriend and I have one of those fairytale relationships that occurred by chance, but despite all that we were initially introduced (somewhat by chance) through a mutual friend (also female). Were it just me and my guy friends, the only relationship I'd be able to write about would be my first and failed one, in which the girl had enough guts to initiate a conversation with me and give her phone number without my asking.
Haha, I had a friend who said the same thing to me last summer. Then, about a week later I met a gorgeous girl through a friend. I didn't have any interest in her b/c I initially thought, "Another one of those popular girly girl types that I can't stand."

Good thing she started this "boyfriend/girlfriend joke" between us. She insists that it was a joke and nothing more, but I doubt it. Anyway, that joke sparked an interest in me toward her b/c I thought she had some interest in me (which she denies).

Stuff happened, and we're doing really well now.

What I'm trying to say is that in some cases (although may be rare) the girl for you will fall out of the sky into your lap.
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Old 2008-01-20, 23:43   Link #443
Ledgem
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Vestus
What I'm trying to say is that in some cases (although may be rare) the girl for you will fall out of the sky into your lap.
Ah, but you said here:
Quote:
Then, about a week later I met a gorgeous girl through a friend.
I wouldn't really call that falling out of the sky You had the almost the exact same scenario that I did. When I think of "falling out of the sky" I think of a situation where a girl approaches you and practically throws herself at you.

In hindsight, that almost describes my first relationship: she apparently saw me from a bus while I was waiting for the bus, and the next day she went to the same area at the same time hoping to find me there, and she did. She initiated a conversation and by the end of it, gave me her phone number (I wouldn't say that I'd expressed interest, either). The only way it could have been better would have been if she'd asked me right then and there to date her, so that I didn't have to go through some anxiety when calling her for the first time, or when it came time for me to ask her.

Either way, both you and I were pretty lucky, I'd say. It's a bit more interesting when relationships sort of spring up on their own.
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Old 2008-01-21, 00:46   Link #444
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ledgem View Post
In hindsight, that almost describes my first relationship: she apparently saw me from a bus while I was waiting for the bus, and the next day she went to the same area at the same time hoping to find me there, and she did.
Wow, that is interesting...

I wish that'd happen to me xD

That reminds me of a quote from My Sassy Girl:

"Fate is building a bridge of chance for the one you love."


So I guess she built a bridge of chance by increasing the likelihood of seeing you again at the bus stop Is it luck, or fate?
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Old 2008-01-21, 13:30   Link #445
Fome
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Vestus View Post
Haha, I had a friend who said the same thing to me last summer. Then, about a week later I met a gorgeous girl through a friend. I didn't have any interest in her b/c I initially thought, "Another one of those popular girly girl types that I can't stand."

Good thing she started this "boyfriend/girlfriend joke" between us. She insists that it was a joke and nothing more, but I doubt it. Anyway, that joke sparked an interest in me toward her b/c I thought she had some interest in me (which she denies).

Stuff happened, and we're doing really well now.

What I'm trying to say is that in some cases (although may be rare) the girl for you will fall out of the sky into your lap.
Haha, is it the same girl from before? Glad it worked out for you bud. So, what exactly happened?
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Old 2008-01-21, 18:39   Link #446
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ledgem View Post
Ah, but you said here:

I wouldn't really call that falling out of the sky You had the almost the exact same scenario that I did. When I think of "falling out of the sky" I think of a situation where a girl approaches you and practically throws herself at you.

In hindsight, that almost describes my first relationship: she apparently saw me from a bus while I was waiting for the bus, and the next day she went to the same area at the same time hoping to find me there, and she did. She initiated a conversation and by the end of it, gave me her phone number (I wouldn't say that I'd expressed interest, either). The only way it could have been better would have been if she'd asked me right then and there to date her, so that I didn't have to go through some anxiety when calling her for the first time, or when it came time for me to ask her.

Either way, both you and I were pretty lucky, I'd say. It's a bit more interesting when relationships sort of spring up on their own.
Haha, when I think of "falling out of the sky" I think random chance or coincidence. Semantics, bleh .

Also, the anxiety is what makes it all worthwhile.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Fome View Post
Haha, is it the same girl from before? Glad it worked out for you bud. So, what exactly happened?
Yup. It took awhile (like 3 weeks lol). I won't tell everything (most of it is so embarrassing), but I'll tell what kicked-started the relationship:

We carpool twice a week to school (only me and her), and we park away from school so we don't have to pay for the permit in order to park in the school parking lot. So, because of that, we have a 15 - 30 min walk to school.

Well, one day it was a little chilly outside, and while we were walking to school I saw her shivering. I had a sweater on (I always do) so I said, "Here, take my sweater" and gave her my sweater. She blushed a little bit (I love it when she does). I then said to myself, "Dude, just grab her hand you idiot." so I did. She then took her free hand and grabbed my arm that was holding her hand and put her head on my shoulder. We walked the rest of the way like that.

No it doesn't stop there.

That day, we had class until dark so it was really cold when we had to walk back to my car. So, she suggested we take the bus back to my car (apparently the bus stops near where I park). Now, none of us took the bus, or at least I didn't (she may have planned this), but the bus takes about 30-45 mins to get to our stop. So, we took the bus and sat in the back. It was warm (thank God!), and the bus was empty for the whole trip. We cuddled the whole time.

We, barely spoke any words through the whole day.
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Old 2008-01-21, 19:04   Link #447
Kingdom
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Generic Asian Guy View Post
That reminds me of a quote from My Sassy Girl:

"Fate is building a bridge of chance for the one you love."


So I guess she built a bridge of chance by increasing the likelihood of seeing you again at the bus stop Is it luck, or fate?
Haha, I was reading through this page and that was the exact quote I was thinking about too.

Anyways, onto the topic, I think I'm a lot alike to you. I've had two girlfriends so far, both of which were friends first that I pursued a relationship. I don't actively seek out girls (shy syndrome) but I find that if you want a relationship to work, you need quite a bit of "luck." Mainly, I think it's a right time and place problem mixed with a bit of courage to initiate the first meeting.
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Old 2008-01-21, 19:31   Link #448
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I am very happy to see in love couples couple of times i found myself in a place where there were only couples around me, and only few lost souls like me that was a bit.. ehm... unpleasant
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Old 2008-01-21, 20:56   Link #449
Fome
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Vestus View Post
Haha, when I think of "falling out of the sky" I think random chance or coincidence. Semantics, bleh .

Also, the anxiety is what makes it all worthwhile.




Yup. It took awhile (like 3 weeks lol). I won't tell everything (most of it is so embarrassing), but I'll tell what kicked-started the relationship:

We carpool twice a week to school (only me and her), and we park away from school so we don't have to pay for the permit in order to park in the school parking lot. So, because of that, we have a 15 - 30 min walk to school.

Well, one day it was a little chilly outside, and while we were walking to school I saw her shivering. I had a sweater on (I always do) so I said, "Here, take my sweater" and gave her my sweater. She blushed a little bit (I love it when she does). I then said to myself, "Dude, just grab her hand you idiot." so I did. She then took her free hand and grabbed my arm that was holding her hand and put her head on my shoulder. We walked the rest of the way like that.

No it doesn't stop there.

That day, we had class until dark so it was really cold when we had to walk back to my car. So, she suggested we take the bus back to my car (apparently the bus stops near where I park). Now, none of us took the bus, or at least I didn't (she may have planned this), but the bus takes about 30-45 mins to get to our stop. So, we took the bus and sat in the back. It was warm (thank God!), and the bus was empty for the whole trip. We cuddled the whole time.

We, barely spoke any words through the whole day.
Damn that's just adorable. Is she an anime fan or something?
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Old 2008-01-21, 21:13   Link #450
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Vestus View Post
Yup. It took awhile (like 3 weeks lol). I won't tell everything (most of it is so embarrassing), but I'll tell what kicked-started the relationship:

We carpool twice a week to school...

...the whole day.
I cut your story short just because I didn't want to quote the entire thing.


I have to say your story reminds me of one of my favorite lines from the movie Hitch.

"60 percent of all human communication is non-verbal. Body Language. 30 percent is your tone. So that means that 90 percent of what you're saying...ain't coming out of your mouth."


From what I've heard and read, confessing your feelings is generally a wrong thing to do (this also comes from my personal experiences). However, confessing with body language, flirting, is the right thing to do. Using eye contact, touch, and other forms of general body language is one effective way to say, "...(insert your possible romantic candidate's name here)...I think I have feelings for you."

So what I think happened between you, Vestus, and your 'girlfriend' is that you guys just communicated with body language.

If you didn't know how it happened now, you might do now.


Speaking of flirting, I've been juggling with the idea of dating one of my co-worker. Even though the idea of dating one of your co-worker is almost as suicidal as confessing feeling verbally, but I'll probably quitting my job for a better one within month's time.

I'll be working with her around tomorrow. However, if it comes to a point where I really have a strong...suspicion of her interested in me, how the hell can I ask her out?
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Old 2008-01-21, 21:41   Link #451
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Fome View Post
Damn that's just adorable. Is she an anime fan or something?
Well, she likes watching Avatar (I count that show as anime), but I don't think she watches anime. She's really busy with extra activities.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Knightmare213 View Post
Speaking of flirting, I've been juggling with the idea of dating one of my co-worker. Even though the idea of dating one of your co-worker is almost as suicidal as confessing feeling verbally, but I'll probably quitting my job for a better one within month's time.

I'll be working with her around tomorrow. However, if it comes to a point where I really have a strong...suspicion of her interested in me, how the hell can I ask her out?
If I were you, I'd wait until I was on my last 2 weeks. I would then get her number on the last day working with her saying, "Hey, it's my last day working with you <insert name>. I really enjoyed working with you around, so maybe I could get your number to keep in touch?" or something like that (remember I'm really bad at asking girls out in general).

If she has any attraction toward you (which she probably does, judging on what u said), she'll give you her number.

Then, call her up and ask her out. Something like, "Hey, you busy <insert day and time>?" and go from there.
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Old 2008-01-22, 11:46   Link #452
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Originally Posted by Vestus View Post
If I were you, I'd wait until I was on my last 2 weeks. I would then get her number on the last day working with her saying, "Hey, it's my last day working with you <insert name>. I really enjoyed working with you around, so maybe I could get your number to keep in touch?" or something like that (remember I'm really bad at asking girls out in general).

If she has any attraction toward you (which she probably does, judging on what u said), she'll give you her number.

Then, call her up and ask her out. Something like, "Hey, you busy <insert day and time>?" and go from there.

Here's an additional info. My working hours are not so compatible with her's. Therefore I never really get to work with her or see her often. After today, I suspect I won't see her again at least for the next two weeks. Not only that, my workplace is going to have an overdue renovation. So I'm gonna try to get her e-mail as a priority, but her phone number as well if I can.

The reason why I'm getting her e-mail is because I can take my time using the right words, try to set the right tone so she really would say yes. If I tried to ask her out over the phone, I'd have to improvise and convince her on the spot (cause I'm generally bad asking girls out in person too).
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Old 2008-01-22, 21:43   Link #453
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I hooked up my with my closest friend Rachel last month, and really, so far things have been great. We really have a lot in common and she just completes me.
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Old 2008-01-24, 11:10   Link #454
Knightmare213
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Just giving a late update:

I did get to work with her again for few hours. It was pretty much the same except this time she was kinda ignoring me sometimes. But like last time, there were equal amounts of touching (she touched my shoulder, I touched hers. She touched my back, and I responded as same).

There were a lot of people, some customers and some other male co-workers, but I didn't see any chance to react to it. So I kept my cool. But to be honest, I felt a strong hesitation of asking her out because of two reasons:

1. Didn't spend enough time with her.
2. Doubting that she's really into me.

For me, I don't chase girls anymore. What I can do is act like myself and try not to change just so I can get a girlfriend. I'll eventually attract someone just being me.

If you need more info to give me a clear advice (and I really do need some), I'll try to remember the events that happened days ago.
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Old 2008-01-24, 12:31   Link #455
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Knightmare213 View Post
Just giving a late update:

I did get to work with her again for few hours. It was pretty much the same except this time she was kinda ignoring me sometimes. But like last time, there were equal amounts of touching (she touched my shoulder, I touched hers. She touched my back, and I responded as same).

There were a lot of people, some customers and some other male co-workers, but I didn't see any chance to react to it. So I kept my cool. But to be honest, I felt a strong hesitation of asking her out because of two reasons:

1. Didn't spend enough time with her.
2. Doubting that she's really into me.

For me, I don't chase girls anymore. What I can do is act like myself and try not to change just so I can get a girlfriend. I'll eventually attract someone just being me.

If you need more info to give me a clear advice (and I really do need some), I'll try to remember the events that happened days ago.
Hmmm.....I think I've been in a pretty similar situation before, being attracted to a co-worker and wanting to ask her out(I did eventually, it turned ok, we had a few dates but no b/f-g/f relationship).
Anywaz, my advice is not to think about it so much, even if you ask her out and she saids yes, she's not yet your gf. So a first date is just to spend time with someone, to get to know them, and hopefully have some idea if the chemistry works or not. If you get a chance, just casually ask her out. If she saids no, then that really stinks, but on the other hand, if she saids yes then hopefully you guys can have a great time and get to know each other. Best of luck!
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Old 2008-01-24, 16:28   Link #456
Ledgem
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Originally Posted by Lonestar9 View Post
Anywaz, my advice is not to think about it so much, even if you ask her out and she saids yes, she's not yet your gf. So a first date is just to spend time with someone, to get to know them, and hopefully have some idea if the chemistry works or not. If you get a chance, just casually ask her out. If she saids no, then that really stinks, but on the other hand, if she saids yes then hopefully you guys can have a great time and get to know each other. Best of luck!
I think that's really great advice. For those of us who really think a lot about these things, we practically simulate the entire relationship (perhaps up to the point of marriage) in our heads. It's no surprise, then, that we get extremely anxious when we're asking someone out - we've practically made life plans around it, when the average guy probably hasn't given it much more thought than that the girl is attractive, and it'd be nice to get to know her better (or perhaps get to physical relations with her).

I think it's healthy to think about the relationship itself, but first you need to get to the relationship. So if there's a girl who looks interesting, ask her out. You're not committing to date each other right then and there, and you're definitely not marrying each other. As you both learn more about each other, you can decide how you feel and see if you want to elevate the relationship even further. Just also be aware that everyone feels differently about this, including women - it depends on how you ask as well, but while I'd imagine that most will use it as an opportunity to get to know you better, some will feel as if you've just asked to spend the rest of your lives together. So be careful and don't get pushed around

However, also be aware that there are girls who feel similarly about dating - they feel that if you ask them out, you want to be a boyfriend and girlfriend (this may especially be the case if you're both already friends). Acting a bit more aloof there would probably just harm you.
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Old 2008-01-24, 18:29   Link #457
Knightmare213
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@Longstar and Ledgem:

Thanks for the words of support and advices. I should be seeing her only for an hour within few days and I'll just try to casually ask her out (but WHAT?).

I've already accepted the fact that I'm not compatible with everyone. I'm not worried about getting rejected (because I really can't give a frak about it anymore), but the aftermath of rejection. "Could I still be able to work with her?" "Will it be the same?" I know I shouldn't think about the consenquences but I just can't help it.

Even though I am thinking ahead a bit, but what would make a good date idea? I know about dinner after movies (because you might be able to talk about the movie during dinner), sports events (but the baseball season is out can I don't think I can afford a basketball ticket at this moment), or could I ask her to take me to a club because I never been to one (cause she's a girl into clubbing, going to bar, etc.)
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Old 2008-01-24, 21:22   Link #458
Ledgem
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I've already accepted the fact that I'm not compatible with everyone. I'm not worried about getting rejected (because I really can't give a frak about it anymore), but the aftermath of rejection. "Could I still be able to work with her?" "Will it be the same?" I know I shouldn't think about the consenquences but I just can't help it.
Yeah, the aftermath makes it difficult. In my experience after being rejected the girl sort of avoided me for half a year before acting as if nothing had happened. If you're in a working relationship it can make things difficult - if it were appropriate you could always tell her that you didn't intend for it to make things awkward and to just forget about it, if need be. Otherwise, it's just part of the risk you take. It's a rare situation where you have to risk losing something to chance gaining something.

Quote:
Even though I am thinking ahead a bit, but what would make a good date idea? I know about dinner after movies (because you might be able to talk about the movie during dinner), sports events (but the baseball season is out can I don't think I can afford a basketball ticket at this moment), or could I ask her to take me to a club because I never been to one (cause she's a girl into clubbing, going to bar, etc.)
I was never a fan of the idea of going to some sort of event where you and she aren't each other's focus. I mean, it really depends on you and her, but it's just too passive and too difficult to draw her in. The way I see it, let's say you go to a movie (or a play, or anything like that). Afterwards, you go to dinner. OK, now you have that to talk about, but it doesn't really have anything to do with you or her, unless you want to discuss knowledge of celebrities, or perhaps if the movie was deep, theories. Where were you discussing each other? Not to say that you need to be talking about each other at every moment, but it's sort of nice to get a feel for each other and to feel like someone is interested in you. I've heard theories stating that this is even more important for girls than for guys.

What to do instead? Asking someone if they'd like to get coffee, or grab lunch together, and so on seems to be a standard way of asking someone out. It's also an activity that doesn't have to be too long (whereas a move or a baseball game may occupy a larger chunk of time), but can theoretically be as long as you'd want it (lunches with the girl who turned out to be the first girl I dated were always three hours - don't ask me how).

And if you're worrying what to talk about, don't. I'm a science guy, and if you're not discussing science with me then I'd be fine discussing video games, anime, or random theories. I know absolutely nothing about the latest TV shows, celebrity gossip, or other pop culture references. Based off of those descriptions, I'm a total nerd who has no chance with girls and could barely hold a conversation with anyone. That first girl was someone I felt would have been totally out of my league - she had that appearence that would classify her as "hot," she'd been through three other boyfriends before me, and even when we were getting to know each other she told me that other guys were after her. So what did we talk about? To be honest, I can't remember most of it. She was into journalism and such, so we'd usually start up discussing some of the latest political events (thank God for the internet - news practically seeps into you and thus I could discuss back, even if somewhat lightly). As a note, politics is generally a topic you want to avoid or be very neutral about. Then we'd discuss each other, or more often, her. We'd talk about her family, personal values, all sorts of things. If you get a non-talkative girl or she feels uncomfortable with you, then you may have a harder time, but otherwise the conversation just flowed and I was simply amazed that the time went by as it did.

If you and she are not very compatible or if you have a bad personality, I can't help you there. But the point of my story is to say that even if you're not terribly confident in your conversational abilities or you think that you might not have things to talk about, it can happen much more easily than you'd think. Just don't be creepy and jump straight to personal questions, let the conversation flow naturally and just enjoy it.

What about the idea of clubs or bars? May or may not be a good idea. I'll share another story of mine: the first girl I ever asked out (and my first rejection) belonged to a sorority, many of whose members I was friends with. They had some clubbing event and one of those friends invited me. I'd never been to a club before, but I figured it'd be a perfect opportunity to get closer to this other girl. So I gathered up some guy friends who were into clubs and things like that, and we went. It was an interesting experience, but the sorority largely stuck to itself and I was a bit too shy to dance. Even if I hadn't been shy, it likely would have just been creepy/annoying, as the girl really had no interest in me. It's not a talking environment, there are too many other people, and if you're unsure of whether you'd be in your element there, then I'd probably mark it off as being an area that would weaken your chances of successfully getting a second date out of her. You can talk in a bar, but what I said about clubs does largely hold true there, as well.

Ultimately, you'd know best. If she's the type of girl who'd get bored or wouldn't be impressed with a simple coffee or lunch date, then you're going to have to factor something else in. But many people really have no trouble talking about themselves and are happy to have someone who will listen to them do so - all you need to do is make them feel comfortable enough with you and show them that you're listening.
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Old 2008-02-02, 17:09   Link #459
King Lycan
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My Girfriends Mad At Me

It happened on 2 weeks ago on friday when i was taking the metro bus and she was sitting right next to me and then this Hot very hot girl sat directly in front of me then she looked at me dead straight in the eyes and i looked at her for like 5 mins{i missed my stop} and when i got of my gf just stop talking to me i even tried to apologize like 10 times i gave her flowers and i promised never to do it again and she still wont get over it
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Old 2008-02-02, 18:54   Link #460
ChibiMenos
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Originally Posted by King of Lycans View Post
It happened on 2 weeks ago on friday when i was taking the metro bus and she was sitting right next to me and then this Hot very hot girl sat directly in front of me then she looked at me dead straight in the eyes and i looked at her for like 5 mins{i missed my stop} and when i got of my gf just stop talking to me i even tried to apologize like 10 times i gave her flowers and i promised never to do it again and she still wont get over it
I can't say I'm surprised...

Unless your girlfriend is one of those girls who is comfortable enough with herself to not mind you looking at other girls (which is very, very rare), and even if she is, what you did was pretty rude. You ignored her completely, instead paying attention to another girl... I think most people would be upset (imagine if she'd been paying attention to a very hot guy!).

It's good that you've tried to apologize, but it sounds a bit like you're only sorry because she's upset, and not because what you did was stupid. (Or at least that's what she thinks...) And buying her flowers might be going a bit overboard; she probably needs some time to cool down, and not be reminded of the incident. Since you have apologized, I think the best thing you can do now is to not bring it up anymore, and to be very careful of how you act towards other girls when you're around her now that you know paying too much attention to them upsets her. If you can keep from doing anything like that again, show respect to her, and make sure to let her know when she does something you like (ie, all the little things you love about her that are the reason she is your gf instead of some "hot very hot girl"), you should be just fine.
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