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Old 2010-06-09, 03:52   Link #5081
zebra
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kafriel View Post
Would make for quite the dating subject...hey honey, ever talked to your parents about "that"? No? Well, I'll be honored to show you, get me a banana aaaand~
Huh? If you're male why do you need the banana for demonstraton?

Well, it's not like rolling on a condomn is a higher science, but if you never even tested it before things can easily be handled .. in the wrong way in the 'rush of things'. It's like you getting out your new calculator the first time for an math exam, instead of doing your homework with it prior to that (ha, got an innocent example, I'm so good).

I think it's important to speak about these things openly. But I gotta admit the most 'in depth' talk was with my friends and not with my parents.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Harufox View Post
My introduction to sex ed in Year 10 was probably the bluntest thing I have ever heard a teacher say. "There's no avoiding it, we are going to talk about sex. Humans are the only species that enjoy mating" (and isn't she right?)
Uh not true. There are many animals who do it for fun, too and not just because of uprising hormones. Many types of monkeys for example.

And as for the poetry .. as I said I appreciate the gesture, but I just like less corny things. Specially, when I have no idea how to respond. I'm way more happy about other things.
Funnily the reception of my (girl)friends of this matter also varies a great deal. From "thank god my bf doesn't do that" and "awwwww SO sweet, want too D:".
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Old 2010-06-09, 06:50   Link #5082
cheyannew
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Originally Posted by Harufox View Post
I am going to throw this out in the open then. Why do we seek a relationship? Is it for the attention? The care? The companionship? Or is it just for the sex?
Most if not all of the above, at lest for me. Gods know, you can have sex with anyone, but to me, it's different having sex for pure pleasure (friends w/ benefits, or what have you), vs making love to someone you care about.

You can have a living together very close friendship without the sex, though, as well. Heck, you can date someone and not have sex. I think people date/marry for a combination of those reasons. They find someone who compliments their personality/way of life so well that they integrate that person into their "routine", so that life is now together instead of 2 separate people.

I probably worded that atrociously, but it's early morning and my brain isn't awake yet
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Old 2010-06-09, 07:30   Link #5083
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And as for the poetry .. as I said I appreciate the gesture, but I just like less corny things. Specially, when I have no idea how to respond.
Say wooow that was so deep, where are you getting all the inspiration? :O (ofc they'll answer "you", which is so predictable it makes me wanna do the -_- face).
Quote:
Huh? If you're male why do you need the banana for demonstraton?
Because I don't wanna go to jail for getting naked in front of my kids on grounds of a sexual demonstration?
Quote:
Funnily the reception of my (girl)friends of this matter also varies a great deal. From "thank god my bf doesn't do that" and "awwwww SO sweet, want too D:".
That's because humans are generally possessive in nature, they just want more stuff in their "collection" than you.
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Old 2010-06-09, 09:28   Link #5084
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Originally Posted by Harufox View Post
I am going to throw this out in the open then. Why do we seek a relationship? Is it for the attention? The care? The companionship? Or is it just for the sex?
Speaking personally, the main reason I seek a relationship of any kind is because I'm the type who likes having people to care about, someone I can love and someone who loves me in return. So I suppose it's really a mix of attention/care/companionship for me. I haven't really thought much about sex yet, honestly.
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Old 2010-06-09, 10:10   Link #5085
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Harufox View Post
I am going to throw this out in the open then. Why do we seek a relationship? Is it for the attention? The care? The companionship? Or is it just for the sex?
Looking for an equal, haven't found her yet. :P

A lot of possibles, but I find most people are too selfish, only wanting their needs and wants fulfilled. When it comes to someone else's feelings, they either don't care, or apparently don't understand yet that other people matter. When I am with someone, I tend to think about them more than myself; it's one of my failings, because sometimes I try too hard to consider them, and not as much with myself.

As opposed to most responses you'll get, I don't care too much about companionship or attention; I've pretty much grown out of those. It's just someone I know I can get good arguments from, someone intelligent and wise, who knows the ways of the world like I do.

But I suppose I am not really seeking a relationship. Open to the possibility, but not actively looking. At this point, someone would have to do a lot to impress me, heh. There are some possibles I'm talking to, but not worried about it.
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Old 2010-06-09, 10:13   Link #5086
Pocky Yoshi
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What RadiantBeam said. As for sex, save it for marriage. Yes, my parents raised me right.

Oh and kaijo. Why so pessimistic? I know you're not those types, but your post felt rather sad. Please explain buddy.



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Old 2010-06-09, 10:31   Link #5087
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Namuskull View Post
What RadiantBeam said. As for sex, save it for marriage. Yes, my parents raised me right.

Oh and kaijo. Why so pessimistic? I know you're not those types, but your post felt rather sad. Please explain buddy.
Reality ensues? :P

I'm not like other people; it took me awhile to discover that, and why, which means it's hard for people to connect with me. It's not good or bad on anyone's end, just a fact of life. And people have real troubles understanding and connecting with those that are different than themselves. Since people are ultimately selfish, if someone isn't like them, they'd prefer those "different people" keep their distance. It's easier to dislike and push someone away, then understand them.

It's taught me a lot about accepting people for who they are, and not who I want them to be; so, as yet, I've yet to push anyone away. It's always been the reverse.

So, I tend to hold a low view of humanity due to the hypocrisy, and learned to live at peace with just myself. A few centuries ago, I'd probably be the crazy hermit living alone in the mountains, heh. One of these days, I might just retire to a mountain cabin, though with an internet connection. :P
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Old 2010-06-09, 10:38   Link #5088
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Originally Posted by Harufox View Post

I am going to throw this out in the open then. Why do we seek a relationship? Is it for the attention? The care? The companionship? Or is it just for the sex?
Caring for each other, companionship (having fun together), that sounds like the relationship I'm looking for. Attention helps as well but not all the time.

Maybe I'm alittle old school that I would not look for a relationship just for sex. My opinion might change if I spent enough time with whoever I am with and I believe she is the person I want to be with before deciding on compromising early or waiting for marriage.
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Old 2010-06-09, 10:46   Link #5089
Pocky Yoshi
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@kaijo. Yes, there is a lot of hypocrites. Young and old. I understand you don't want to be hurt, but that's how life is. Unlike you I tend to never give up when it's something and/or someone I want. Yes, that makes me selfish. But, that's how us humans operate.
We always need attention because we don't want to be alone. And denying it can sometimes hurt thyself.
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Old 2010-06-09, 11:11   Link #5090
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Originally Posted by NamuSkull View Post
@kaijo. Yes, there is a lot of hypocrites. Young and old. I understand you don't want to be hurt, but that's how life is. Unlike you I tend to never give up when it's something and/or someone I want. Yes, that makes me selfish. But, that's how us humans operate.
We always need attention because we don't want to be alone. And denying it can sometimes hurt thyself.
Personally, I think it's a mark of maturity on Kaijo's part to turn inward for satisfaction in this case. He's just choosing his battles. It's important to understand your feelings and limitations, be honest about them, and live accordingly, either to accept them or change them. If Kaijo is content with the person that he is and wants to draw his happiness from within himself, there's nothing wrong with that and it's his choice.

Conversely, your stance of 'never giving up' has its admirable points too. Though the key here is to understand when it's 'giving up' and when it's 'accepting the situation'. It's one thing to pursue something despite incidental obstacles. It's another to seek something from another person that they do not want to give to you. If you pursue a relationship of any sort with someone who is not receptive to it, that's when it becomes selfish.

It takes a lot of courage to be willing and able to truly accept peoples' decisions. Many claim they can, yet retain great bitterness when the choices made are not the ones they'd like. You have to choose your battles wisely. Strive to understand whom you can help and whom you cannot, and then do the best you can for the former.
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Old 2010-06-09, 11:13   Link #5091
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NamuSkull View Post
@kaijo. Yes, there is a lot of hypocrites. Young and old. I understand you don't want to be hurt, but that's how life is. Unlike you I tend to never give up when it's something and/or someone I want. Yes, that makes me selfish. But, that's how us humans operate.
We always need attention because we don't want to be alone. And denying it can sometimes hurt thyself.
Heh, with all due respect, that's a part of what people misunderstand about me. It has nothing to do with hurt, as I still open myself to some people, even despite knowing how things will end up. I've come to terms with myself so that I'm at peace, regardless of the state of my relationships with people.

If someone wants to be a friend, they will. If they don't, they won't. Simple binary equation, but my state remains unchanged. What I do has no effect, as they choose what they want based on what they want. That is life, and it's not happy or sad, good or bad.
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Old 2010-06-09, 11:43   Link #5092
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Very good points of views from you both. There's a few flaws within them, but that's what makes us human. I know I have been just commenting people's point of views, so I guess I'll give mine on dating.

I'm very naive, quirky, optimistic, inquisitive, easygoing and nice.
But I can also be a bit childish, stubborn, indecisive and too forgiving.

My stage in romance.........single. Though many thoughts appear in my head like "It would be nice to fall in love and spend all my time with my beloved." But at the same time, I also have thoughts such as, "I'll just live my young bachelor life to the fullest." But, I'm gonna try to see what happens to me. Hopefully, everything will work out lol.
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Old 2010-06-09, 17:08   Link #5093
cheyannew
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Originally Posted by NamuSkull View Post
Yes, my parents raised me right.
*arches a delicate brow* So, those of us who chose to have sex prior to marriage weren't raised right?

Tsk tsk... unwise words in a forum of this size, methinks....
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Old 2010-06-09, 17:28   Link #5094
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Originally Posted by cheyannew View Post
*arches a delicate brow* So, those of us who chose to have sex prior to marriage weren't raised right?

Tsk tsk... unwise words in a forum of this size, methinks....
I was thinking if I should play the devils advocate again or not, good to know someone came first

I don't mean to be judgmental or anything, if someone wants to believe it's better to regard sex as something exclusive to married life that's their prerogative. I personally believe that sex doesn't have to be something associated with marriage (I'm not even very fond of marriage itself anyways) and I like to think, like others have said here, that love and sex are two distinct and separate things that do go very well together but are not dependent on each other (note however that I'm not particularly found of having sex with someone I don't care about but don't judge those who do, it's their right imho).
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Old 2010-06-09, 17:39   Link #5095
cheyannew
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Originally Posted by Dextro View Post
I was thinking if I should play the devils advocate again or not, good to know someone came first

I don't mean to be judgmental or anything, if someone wants to believe it's better to regard sex as something exclusive to married life that's their prerogative. I personally believe that sex doesn't have to be something associated with marriage (I'm not even very fond of marriage itself anyways) and I like to think, like others have said here, that love and sex are two distinct and separate things that do go very well together but are not dependent on each other (note however that I'm not particularly found of having sex with someone I don't care about but don't judge those who do, it's their right imho).
I agree; it's been said before in this thread that sex & love don't always go hand in hand (which is up to the individuals involved, of course), but it seems like (pardon my possibly incorrect assumption) most of the forum feels caring about/loving the person they have sex with adds something to it.
TBH it seems like nearly everyone on the forum is on the "no sex w/o love" bandwagon, which has its merits (usually you know your partner better, there's fidelity, less chance of STDs etc).
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Old 2010-06-09, 17:58   Link #5096
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Sex is a physical bond, whether you like it or not. You do get closer to the person you have sex with. Generally speaking, a healthy committed relationship has all the bonds in place: physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual. The more of these that are lacking, the less likely the relationship will hold together, statistically speaking.

In short, if you don't match up to the person you are currently seeing in any of these areas, the less satisfying the relationship will be. Although just having a couple of these is enough to hook two people up, one or the other won't see the truth until further down the road, when the differences become too much to handle.

Someone I knew once, made the comparison to a piece of tape. It's able to bond to something, but after repeated uses, it becomes less and less able to stick to something. The more sex one has, the less of a bond it becomes for someone. Having only had sex a few times myself, I don't think I will again until I honestly meet a good enough person, so it means more. I really loved each of the two women I was with (I learned a bit by the third, and we only fooled around). Part of me wishes I had waited before, but the young do impulsive and stupid things, heh.
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Old 2010-06-09, 18:40   Link #5097
cheyannew
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Originally Posted by Kaijo View Post
Sex is a physical bond, whether you like it or not. You do get closer to the person you have sex with. Generally speaking, a healthy committed relationship has all the bonds in place: physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual. The more of these that are lacking, the less likely the relationship will hold together, statistically speaking.

In short, if you don't match up to the person you are currently seeing in any of these areas, the less satisfying the relationship will be. Although just having a couple of these is enough to hook two people up, one or the other won't see the truth until further down the road, when the differences become too much to handle.
Really? I'd be interested in seeing these statistics; can you provide a few links to the studies you've used to back this up?
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Old 2010-06-09, 19:49   Link #5098
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kaijo View Post
Sex is a physical bond, whether you like it or not. You do get closer to the person you have sex with. Generally speaking, a healthy committed relationship has all the bonds in place: physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual. The more of these that are lacking, the less likely the relationship will hold together, statistically speaking.
Carefull there... Generalizations aren't usually good things to bring into a discussion since their just that: generalizations and the fact is that it's very rare for someone to be exactly the average person since everyone's different.

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Originally Posted by Arbitres View Post
Oh well... I was hoping to be Devil's advocate. Guess not. How wicked. How cruel.
Damn that dude must play some serious legal fees since everybody wants to defend him... I should start sending him the bills
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Old 2010-06-09, 20:03   Link #5099
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Originally Posted by NamuSkull View Post
What RadiantBeam said. As for sex, save it for marriage. Yes, my parents raised me right.




Don't condescend others who had sex before marriage.
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Old 2010-06-09, 20:48   Link #5100
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Originally Posted by Kaijo View Post
Sex is a physical bond, whether you like it or not.
Sex is a physical act that is formed out of both physical and non-physical bonds, and will result in physical and non-physical bonds.

Here's my logic behind that statement:

Before sex can occur, there needs to be a bond between the people. Physical attachment is one aspect, but the man and woman must be comfortable with each other enough before sex can happen (unless it's like a one-night stand thing or something like that). That requires trust, which is not a physical bond. After sex, the bond has changed significantly, both physical and non-physical aspects of it.

Now of course I'm still a virgin so maybe I have no idea what I'm talking about when I discuss this (since this is solely just from observation on the subject) and I'm probably just stylizing this to my vision of what sex should be rather than what it is, but that's how I view the matter.
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