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Old 2008-02-11, 12:28   Link #501
siya
An Intellectual Idiot
 
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Quzor View Post
It's going to be awkward, no matter what. You have no social relationship with this girl, so any initial contact is going to have an air of discomfort around it. The idea is to quickly push past that. Personally, I've always found it a good idea to at least have one question in mind (a general one, like Chibi suggested, but not a "yes" or "no" question) when I approach a girl. At the very least, you go up, ask the question, she answers and you two part ways. At the most, you end up having a long conversation.

Just make eye contact, and be confident. Remember, "No" is only a word.
lol...What I do is sing a song in my head...it distracts me a little to get away from the akwardness but not enough to where like.."Oh, I'm sorry..who are you and why did I approch you?" xD...What that doesn't help with is the fact for me personally, when I'm around a girl I like I have a problem thinking of a conversation..I just can't..I'll join in one if she starts it but I can't think of one....it's amazng
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Old 2008-02-11, 15:36   Link #502
Quzor
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Originally Posted by siya View Post
lol...What I do is sing a song in my head...it distracts me a little to get away from the akwardness but not enough to where like.."Oh, I'm sorry..who are you and why did I approch you?" xD...What that doesn't help with is the fact for me personally, when I'm around a girl I like I have a problem thinking of a conversation..I just can't..I'll join in one if she starts it but I can't think of one....it's amazng
That's sort of how I prefer to do it as well. Stand close, and wait for the opportunity to jump into a conversation. Generally, I get a weird look after my first comment, then I make a joke, and they forget about the fact that I was just eavesdropping
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Old 2008-02-12, 08:02   Link #503
siya
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Quzor View Post
That's sort of how I prefer to do it as well. Stand close, and wait for the opportunity to jump into a conversation. Generally, I get a weird look after my first comment, then I make a joke, and they forget about the fact that I was just eavesdropping
lol, yea, I don't ussually get a weird look because I don't normally have a problem saying things..it's just comming up with a conversation that gets me.
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Old 2008-02-12, 11:01   Link #504
aka Providence
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Quote:
Originally Posted by psycho bolt View Post
Now I just need to find a way to approach her, without making it awkward.
mm, try moving in from behind silently, then apply the chloroform before she notices you. that way, at least only one of you would feel awkward.

seriously though, i agree that it's going to be awkward no matter what, since you don't know much about each other. the best (or at least easiest) way to approach her is when she's not moving around, and as for conversation... well, that's the hard part you have to figure out. people have different reactions from talking to other people, so i can't help you there.

just go with the flow, don't try to do something you can't do.
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Old 2008-02-15, 02:43   Link #505
Darkman.exe213
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I think I just screwed up my love life.

I talk to this girl I like on AIM. I know her in person, but we rarely see each otheer anymore. Anyway, she was asking if I was interested in anyone(because it's Valentine's Day), but she was hesistating a lot when she was asking me.(it kinda gave me the idea that she liked me) And I told her not really.(like an idiot.) Because I'm EXTREMELY shy about it. If she liked me, I'm afraid she migh have given up and moved onto someone else.(because she got swtuff from 3 other guys on Valentine's Day) Any advice here?
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Old 2008-02-15, 02:51   Link #506
ChibiMenos
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Darkman.exe213 View Post
I think I just screwed up my love life.

I talk to this girl I like on AIM. I know her in person, but we rarely see each otheer anymore. Anyway, she was asking if I was interested in anyone(because it's Valentine's Day), but she was hesistating a lot when she was asking me.(it kinda gave me the idea that she liked me) And I told her not really.(like an idiot.) Because I'm EXTREMELY shy about it. If she liked me, I'm afraid she migh have given up and moved onto someone else.(because she got swtuff from 3 other guys on Valentine's Day) Any advice here?
Well, I suppose the easiest fix (not the least painful, but the easiest) would be to call her up and ask her out. (I'm assuming she lives nearby, if you know her irl?) If you want anything in life, you've got to be willing to take the risk--and think how happy you'll be if she -does- like you in that way.

I can also tell you that pretty much right after I met my current bf, he told my cousin (but in front of me, so I thought it was aimed at me) that he wasn't really interested in girls right now. And yet, things have worked out well so far.

So, relax, and figure out what you really want to do. In the end, I think you'll find that waiting and then regretting it later is not an enjoyable thing--it's much better to take action and then accept whatever happens.
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Old 2008-02-15, 03:17   Link #507
Astrana
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ChibiMenos View Post
Well, I suppose the easiest fix (not the least painful, but the easiest) would be to call her up and ask her out. (I'm assuming she lives nearby, if you know her irl?) If you want anything in life, you've got to be willing to take the risk--and think how happy you'll be if she -does- like you in that way.
yes, go ask her out, seriously, Do not ever assume a girl want be with you unless they clearly flirting with you hardcore, hell, sometimes flirting is only "joking around". Seriously, a lot girls unintentionally mislead the guy, or guys misunderstood wut girls are saying. I learnd from experience. I got female friends textin me or calling me saying "hey, let's go out " "we should hang out" " when are you coming back to town" " I am drunk at XXX bar, you should come out" blah blah blah, and most of them are just friends. Only time I am sure a girl is interested was when I hold her hands and she smiles at me.

PS: internet is horrible for communications sometime. Invite her out for a dinner or a get together, at least u can see a clearer image
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Old 2008-02-15, 08:52   Link #508
Samari
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I think I've finally moved on from that Chinese girl I was infatuated with. I left her one last message on her facebook and she didn't respond. After two and a half months with only one response, I think I've been patient enough. Especially when I've only contacted her about three times. One of those including a response to her response. Shame. She had a lot of interests that I did apparently. But I guess she wasn't interested. Oh well.
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Old 2008-02-15, 22:21   Link #509
Knightmare213
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Originally Posted by bluejazz87 View Post
I think I've finally moved on from that Chinese girl I was infatuated with. I left her one last message on her facebook and she didn't respond. After two and a half months with only one response, I think I've been patient enough. Especially when I've only contacted her about three times. One of those including a response to her response. Shame. She had a lot of interests that I did apparently. But I guess she wasn't interested. Oh well.
That's really too bad to hear. But waiting for two months and a half? Being patient for that period of time is just too unhealthy. Three weeks or a month and no longer for me. If they don't contact me after that, they are not interested in me...not even as a friend.

Bottom line: you waited way too long (at least from my point of view)

But it's good to hear that you moved on. And I'm really glad you took what I said the last time I was on this thread to the heart (you did...right?).


@Cypher7: That is one question I refuse to answer. I said previously that I value my privacy. Though I don't know the exact reason(s) why you would ask what part of job I hold, I can assure you that the kind of girls that I got to work with happened by chance. While I do feel a bit lucky to be working with beautiful girls, it's their personality that makes my work a lot tolerable.
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Old 2008-02-15, 22:27   Link #510
Ledgem
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Some girls go for the persistant type, or play hard-to-get. You can't know whether the girl is that way or not until you try. Of course, you also have to consider that even if you're right and the girl is that way, is that the type of girlfriend you'd want? Hard to tell.
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Old 2008-02-16, 00:27   Link #511
Darkman.exe213
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Join Date: Sep 2006
Quote:
Originally Posted by ChibiMenos View Post
Well, I suppose the easiest fix (not the least painful, but the easiest) would be to call her up and ask her out. (I'm assuming she lives nearby, if you know her irl?) If you want anything in life, you've got to be willing to take the risk--and think how happy you'll be if she -does- like you in that way.

I can also tell you that pretty much right after I met my current bf, he told my cousin (but in front of me, so I thought it was aimed at me) that he wasn't really interested in girls right now. And yet, things have worked out well so far.

So, relax, and figure out what you really want to do. In the end, I think you'll find that waiting and then regretting it later is not an enjoyable thing--it's much better to take action and then accept whatever happens.
Thanks for the advice. I asked if she wanted to hang out next Friday night(since my church had a big dinner party that night), but she said she might be busy. :\
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Old 2008-02-16, 02:04   Link #512
Quzor
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Originally Posted by Darkman.exe213 View Post
Thanks for the advice. I asked if she wanted to hang out next Friday night(since my church had a big dinner party that night), but she said she might be busy. :\
"Might be busy" is an interesting answer. I've had lots of girls tell me they "might be busy," all with different outcomes. Did you ask her to call you if she wasn't busy?

My advice, for what it's worth (which probably isn't much): If you didn't ask her to call you, I'd say call her on Friday during the day. Ask her if she made any plans, or if she'd like to join you. If she says yes, cool. If she says no, I'd say "Okay, well call me when you get some free time." She'll either call you, or she won't, and you'll be able to gauge your next action based on that response. The key is to wait for her to call you, or accept the fact that she won't (if she doesn't). I've ruined a good situation more than a few times by getting antsy and making phone calls I should not have made.

Like I said, my advice probably isn't worth too much (I've been single for about 6 months now), but it's only a suggestion. Good luck either way; hopefully "might be busy" will turn into "plans with you."
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Old 2008-02-16, 04:12   Link #513
Ledgem
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Originally Posted by Quzor View Post
Like I said, my advice probably isn't worth too much (I've been single for about 6 months now), but it's only a suggestion.
When you're single for three or so years then maybe you can say that, but otherwise you have experience behind you and that counts. And remember that while we all like to focus on success stories, rejections teach us a fair bit as well and are just as valuable.
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Old 2008-02-18, 02:05   Link #514
Darkman.exe213
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Quzor View Post
"Might be busy" is an interesting answer. I've had lots of girls tell me they "might be busy," all with different outcomes. Did you ask her to call you if she wasn't busy?

My advice, for what it's worth (which probably isn't much): If you didn't ask her to call you, I'd say call her on Friday during the day. Ask her if she made any plans, or if she'd like to join you. If she says yes, cool. If she says no, I'd say "Okay, well call me when you get some free time." She'll either call you, or she won't, and you'll be able to gauge your next action based on that response. The key is to wait for her to call you, or accept the fact that she won't (if she doesn't). I've ruined a good situation more than a few times by getting antsy and making phone calls I should not have made.

Like I said, my advice probably isn't worth too much (I've been single for about 6 months now), but it's only a suggestion. Good luck either way; hopefully "might be busy" will turn into "plans with you."
well, she said that she can probably go. She moved some plans around, apparently. I'll just see what happens at the dinner. Thanks for the advice though.
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Old 2008-02-18, 08:18   Link #515
Quzor
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Originally Posted by Darkman.exe213 View Post
well, she said that she can probably go. She moved some plans around, apparently. I'll just see what happens at the dinner. Thanks for the advice though.
Good luck! Hopefully everything will work out for you.
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Old 2008-02-18, 17:34   Link #516
Samari
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Originally Posted by Knightmare213 View Post
That's really too bad to hear. But waiting for two months and a half? Being patient for that period of time is just too unhealthy. Three weeks or a month and no longer for me. If they don't contact me after that, they are not interested in me...not even as a friend.

Bottom line: you waited way too long (at least from my point of view)

But it's good to hear that you moved on. And I'm really glad you took what I said the last time I was on this thread to the heart (you did...right?).
Yes, I think I'm done "hunting" right now for the time being. I really need to focus on my school work.
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Old 2008-02-21, 14:20   Link #517
ChibiMenos
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Maybe a bit of a tangent from the original topic, but I figured it wasn't worth making a new thread over...

What do you guys (and gals) consider the purpose of dating to be? To meet new people, to find that special person, to show affection, just for fun, etc...?
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Old 2008-02-21, 14:47   Link #518
Ledgem
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I often wondered about how others perceived that myself, actually. I think that most of us here are pretty like-minded, so I wouldn't be surprised if many of the replies are pretty similar.

A few years back, before I'd even started dating, the act of dating to me was about finding that special someone. Dating was about evaluating someone's viability as a life partner. As such, in my mind the decision to begin dating (in almost any form of the term) was a big decision. It wasn't marriage or anything massively binding, of course, but to me I felt that it was a case where I'd be bound to someone and would give my utmost dedication to keep it a healthy and happy relationship.

That sort of changed when I first started dating. The first girl I dated lasted for ~2-3 months. She seemed to date for the reasons most others do - so as not to be alone, and perhaps for the physical aspect (funny story about that which I won't go into, but suffice it to say that you can be a master of perverted jokes and be knowledgable about hentai, and still keep your virginity when a girl is practically throwing herself at you - because of your own failure to see it. True story, and hindsight is 20/20, as they say ). I didn't feel like she was putting in the same level of dedication that I was, and it was hurting me. She did a lot of things that were confusing to me, and a lot of the time I questioned whether the problem was on my end. When I finally came to the realization, I ended the relationship.

I guess that since then, my view of dating has lightened up a bit. It's fun (in a weird sense), it's a way to show affection, it feels nice. I'm still the type who wants to partner for life, and if I weren't still with my current girlfriend (who is a rather good life candidate, I find) I'd be dating with that in mind.
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Old 2008-02-21, 16:56   Link #519
Quzor
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I'd agree with Ledgem, in a sense.

When I started dating, it was much the same reason as him. I had girlfriends long before I started going on real dates, but what is a girlfriend in elementary school, really. In junior high, having a girlfriend was much the same; someone to hold hands with while walking down the hall, or kiss before you went into your class. There wasn't any real anticipation about a distinctly long-lasting relationship, because I didn't have any particular sense of what I would want in a person with whom I was willing to be in that kind of situation.

Highschool was when I really started beginning to understand the intricacies of the dating scene. I would make attempts to date girls with whom I felt I shared similar beliefs and habits. In this sense, I was attempting to try and find someone with whom I could spend a significant portion of my time, perhaps even the rest of my life. Despite what lots of people told me, I had a few serious relationships in high school; some that ended poorly and some that didn't. Looking back, I regret ending one of those relationships (I still think about that girl) but, like Ledgem said, hindsight is 20/20.

College was a totally different experience altogether. Dating almost didn't even come in to the equation until after a relationship had been formed. I found myself forming exclusive relationships based on sexual encounters. The idea of asking someone out on a date didn't occur to me until much later in college, because it was far easier to just take someone to bed which, I have to admit, was of great interest to me in my early college years. Following that first night, saying we were boyfriend and girlfriend just gave greater excuse to end up in each others arms every night. Needless to say, those relationships did not work out, nor do I ever recommend them.

My last two years in college, I had one girlfriend. We broke up last July, which was pretty disappointing for me, but I've since gotten over it. That was a true relationship, in the whole sense of the word. We pretty much lived together for the bulk of that time; we ate together, studied together, hung out in the same circle of friends, etc. Unfortunately, we started to fight a lot, as I was graduating and she had some more time left. That, coupled with some personal issues on my end, caused our relationship to end. I was disappointed, like I said, but I've also tried to learn from that experience.

Now that I've bored you with what is pretty much my relationship history, I'll get to the topic at hand; I think dating takes on several forms as your age; represented in my tales above. As I've gotten older, I've tried to use dates as a means to find a person with whom I am compatible because, as much fun as having lots of girls can be, I find it more enjoyable to share myself completely with one person.
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Old 2008-02-26, 21:04   Link #520
Darkman.exe213
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Originally Posted by Quzor View Post
Good luck! Hopefully everything will work out for you.
Unfortunately, she was unable to make the dinner. D: It's still going pretty well though.
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