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Old 2008-05-22, 10:46   Link #621
Miko Miko
Imouto-Chan♥
*Graphic Designer
 
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: England
Age: 20
Righhht,, I am 14.. I go out with a guy thats 16.

Everyone says its okay, except my dad doesnt accept it. Even though he is older he is such a sweet guy too. Should i stop seeing him.. like my dad wants?
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Old 2008-05-22, 10:51   Link #622
Irenicus
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Las Vegas, NV, USA
Age: 25
Quote:
Originally Posted by Miko Miko View Post
Everyone says its okay, except my dad doesnt accept it. Even though he is older he is such a sweet guy too. Should i stop seeing him.. like my dad wants?
Two years, even as young as 14 and 16 (in which a year can translate to a lot), is not all that far apart really.

Aside from the two years age difference -- which is not much of an issue, honestly, considering many girls your age tend to date older guys -- does your dad has any other reason for objecting to the relationship? Sometimes parents have good reasons to object to something, some other times they're just being a bit protective, and yet some other times (and I rather hope it is rare) they use their own values and viewpoints to judge the situation of a younger generation.

Last edited by Irenicus; 2008-05-22 at 11:06.
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Old 2008-05-22, 10:59   Link #623
Circular Logic
土は幻に
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Join Date: Dec 2005
Quote:
Originally Posted by Miko Miko View Post
Righhht,, I am 14.. I go out with a guy thats 16.

Everyone says its okay, except my dad doesnt accept it. Even though he is older he is such a sweet guy too. Should i stop seeing him.. like my dad wants?
Depends on the guy. But there's quite a big difference between 14 and 16. Your dad might be being paranoid. But then again he might not. Depends on whom you're with. Not much help I suppose
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Old 2008-05-22, 11:05   Link #624
TinyRedLeaf
. . .
 
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Singapore
Age: 39
Quote:
Originally Posted by Miko Miko
Righhht,, I am 14.. I go out with a guy thats 16.

Everyone says its okay, except my dad doesnt accept it. Even though he is older he is such a sweet guy too. Should i stop seeing him.. like my dad wants?
Is this the same guy who kissed you without asking? Did you ask your father to explain why you should stop seeing your boyfriend?
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Old 2008-05-22, 14:22   Link #625
Minna
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Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Denmark
Age: 24
I have been following this thread for quite a while and have finally decided to post a reply. It was actually my intention to post this yesterday, but since I got home rather late from a concert I just couldn't find the time for it.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Circular Logic View Post
I'll take my eroge and anime over RL girls any day. >>

燃ええええええええええええええええw
Quote:
Originally Posted by Circular Logic View Post
What Kayos said. And RL girls pale personalitywise in comparison to their 2-D counterparts :3 </bitter>
I don't agree with this, and I honestly hope that you don't mean this a 100% seriously and that you will reconsider at some point. >.>


Quote:
Originally Posted by kayos View Post
^ It's a much simpler life when you don't have to answer to anyone. Do whatever you want anytime you want.

Being single = Hassle free (to an extent)
Hmm... I agree with most of this. However, I'm not sure I would really call it "hassle free". There will, of course, be both good and bad aspects in every relationship, but I suppose that if you just found someone who seemed "right", there wouldn't be any worries about such things as you mentioned.


Quote:
Originally Posted by King Lycan View Post
But ...u feel lonely after a while
I really disagree. Some people, perhaps even the majority, would feel lonely but it certainly doesn't apply for everyone. I can't answer for Circular Logic or anyone else, but personally I have never really felt lonely and I don't think I ever will. Feelings are so different from one person to another. It depends a great deal on who that person is and how that person's view on life, relationships, etc. is. The majority of all people would most likely feel quite lonely if they had met someone they really cared for, but for some reason couldn't be with at all/as much as they wanted. However, that didn't seem to be the case here.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Circular Logic View Post
I don't know. When the vast majority of girls around you drink to self-oblivion, find the nearest male to drag into bed and whose only interest is in finding their next rave/party, you quite quickly go off females.
I assume that you aren't the male version of these girls then? Since those exist too. I know how it feels though, a lot of my classmates, and other people around me, are like this. Less than a half year ago I mainly saw all the "bad" things about guys, but recently I have started to notice the girls too. I used to think that those kind of guys were morons and such: These days I think the exact some about the girls, really. And in my opinion their behaviour is a quite big problem. I'm not saying that the youth shouldn't have any fun at parties, with each other and so on, but it seems to take up all their time and be their lifestyle. I personally think of it as a bit destructive, since most of them seem to have a really bad attitude towards school and other important things as well. In my opinion it's quite sad, since most people here have a chance to really "become something" - Education-wise. Anyway... That was a bit off-topic. So, I'm not sure if I should say "Don't give up", "Keep searching" or something along those lines... Whenever I get "annoyed" by their behaviour I just think: "Well, I'm "different". My opinions about this matter are quite different and surely there must be others who feel and think the same as me". And I personally don't spend (more like waste >.>) much time or any feelings on these people.

It's probably a bit off-topic, but I often get questions like these:
Random classmate: "Minna, are you coming to the party Friday night?"
Me: "No."
Random classmate: "Why not?"
Me: "I think it's a waste of my time/I don't like wasting my time".
Now, the sad thing about this is that a lot of them actually get rather angry, somehow thinking I'm insulting their lifestyle by not wanting to be a part of their "social group".


Quote:
Originally Posted by Marina View Post
That is a problem. Since you seem to be a fan of Nodame Cantabile, have you ever tried musicians?
As a piano student, I interact with many musicians every day. The good majority of them are wonderful people, and lemme tell you, a girl who plays cello? She's gotta be one awesome girl to man that sexy instrument between her legs Also piano students: at least the ones I know, usually are down to earth and know how to have fun without getting drunk. I guess I just gravitate to more of the orchestral musicians since their personalities seem more promising for future friendship and relationships.

Agreed with Supah Em that 2D girls usually (not always) tend to be perfect models created by the author for his liking and the audience's liking.
I happen to be a female cellist - Only a beginner though. I'm not sure if I would call myself awesome or the cello "sexy", but thank you for the compliment?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Circular Logic View Post
I'll take your advice about the musicians.

Thing is, does the fact that you know a character is a creation pandering to certain tastes make it any less attractive?
As mentioned I was at a concert yesterday and I had time to notice the other musicians as well. If you don't like the kind of girls who think they are oh-so-beautiful-and-wonderful and "love" to perfom in front of as many people as possible either, don't go for a singer. A lot of them, of course not all of them, seem to be like that. The word that pops to my mind while trying to describe them is "shallow". However, I'm positive that sweet and "normal" girls who sing exist as well! It was just an observation I made.


Quote:
Originally Posted by poopsicle View Post
Lol, thanks a lot people for your support. I forgot to mention something big. The first month of us becoming friends I asked her if she liked anyone and she said ya. She is a very shy and short girl :P. All my friends say she's cute so do the girls . She's probably the nicest girl I've ever met in my life, until she changed, which was really shocking for such a person like her. It's not even about me wanting a relationship anymore, all I wanted was the old her to atleast treat me as a good friend like I treat her, the reason I left was cuz actually after all of second semester 5 months so far of trying to cheer her up I felt sick inside and even wanted to cry but can't. So as far as this goes I can't even keep her as a friend even if I wanted to, it's not even aobut trying to get her anymore. Yesterday I also asked ehr if she cared that I like her, she replies "I don't know" and says nothing afterwards, the way she said it was very plain like someone casually talking with you and that their question had no significance what so ever. So that killed me inside, that was the day I was hoping she'd atleast care about after I came back. In the end I just said "cya then" and she said "bye" without any care, I do not know what I could've done.
I have a question - Bolded text. Can't cry? How come? Because you don't think it's worth the tears? Or because you're a guy and it's not accepted for you to cry? - Sadly.

As for the rest about you and this girl, I agree with pretty much all the things Ledgem wrote.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Miko Miko View Post
Righhht,, I am 14.. I go out with a guy thats 16.

Everyone says its okay, except my dad doesnt accept it. Even though he is older he is such a sweet guy too. Should i stop seeing him.. like my dad wants?
I don't think you should stop seeing the guy if he really means something to you. Always remember that you, yourself, is the most important person to you - Or should be, at least. I don't really see any big problem about the age difference, since girls are often more mature than the guys at their own age.

I probably forgot something, but this will be it for now.
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Old 2008-05-22, 15:03   Link #626
poopsicle
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bluejazz87 View Post
I'm surprised you went back to her yet again.
I didn't go back I asked those questions months ago :P
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Old 2008-05-22, 16:45   Link #627
Ledgem
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Minna View Post
I don't think you should stop seeing the guy if he really means something to you. Always remember that you, yourself, is the most important person to you - Or should be, at least. I don't really see any big problem about the age difference, since girls are often more mature than the guys at their own age.
I was originally going to not say anything in response to Miko Miko but I did want to give some thoughts on it. I'm torn between advising Miko Miko to break it off or not; the values of what to do also vary from culture to culture.

On one hand, you don't want to allow this to get in the way of your relationship with a parent. Some cultures would dictate that your parents' opinions should override your own, but I don't necessarily agree with that. On the other hand, recognize that this is a gamble. The guy you're dating could possibly contribute a lot to your life - perhaps he's even "the one" (as in, the one you'll live happily ever after with). If that's the case, it's worth the potential friction with your parent. However, it's a gamble either way - the guy could turn out to be horrible, or things could go poorly. In that case you're left with a sad love story and a potentially worsened relationship with a parent. That's the ultimate loss scenario. How likely it is to occur depends on your relationship with both the boy and your father.

The age difference between 16 and 14 is quite large, as well. Time-wise it really isn't a big deal; for example, we might think of a 50 year old as being about the same as a 52 year old. The difference is that people go through less drastic changes as they get older - there are exceptions, but this is generally accepted and known. When I think back to how I was when I was 14 and when I was 16, the differences were immense.

There are two other things to be careful of. In keeping with the age topic, you need to balance what you're feeling because he's an older guy, and also wonder what he's feeling because you're a younger girl. It's easier to explain this with an example. In my town there were a number of guys who were basically college-age, but they never went to college and they never left the area. These guys would hang around the high school, smoking, driving their loud cars - basically, doing a whole lot of nothing. I mean no offense in saying this, but those guys were basically losers. They weren't doing anything with their lives, they weren't going anywhere, they weren't making anything of themselves. However, as a high schooler, they were "cool" - they were seen as adults, they had sports cars and could drive, and they were older. From elementary school to high school, your age had a huge impact on your reputation.

My sister, back then either a freshman or sophomore in high school (age 14-15) dated two or three guys who were as I described. They must have been anywhere from 16-18 years old. My sister was infatuated - here was an older guy, and he took an interest in her. It must have done wonders to her self esteem, to feel that she was worthwhile enough that one of these older guys would take an interest in her. Of course, the relationship didn't last long. My sister is now 20, and she's disgusted with the idea that she dated those guys. Now that she's a university student and she's going somewhere with her life, she recognizes that those guys were "scummy" (in her words) and she wonders why a 16-18 year old guy would have an interest in a 14 year old girl. I wonder it, as well. It's easy for an older guy to woo a younger girl, but what's his motive? Beyond a certain age difference, how can the two relate? A guy who's starting college and a high school girl are going through completely different things in life. I'm not saying that it can't be done - I know it can, but I get very skeptical about it. Why wouldn't the guy go for someone his own age, someone who's going through a similar period of life and can relate to him?


The other thing to be careful of is more general and deals with being in a relationship at all, particularly in the beginning. You will be blinded by love, essentially. Neuroscience has shown that for at least a short period, the brain behaves similarly to a drug addiction when dealing with thoughts/the presence of your partner. (From an evolutionary standpoint, this was likely a mechanism to encourage the pair to stay together for long enough that a child could be concieved - but that's just speculation.) In other words, as you begin to take the relationship seriously your thoughts may heavily sway toward it, and you may not think rationally.

Again with an example, I experienced this with the first girl I dated pretty badly. In hindsight she treated me rather poorly, but I always assumed that I was doing something wrong. I was dedicated and wanted it to work out, so I figured that if I could change enough and gain enough experience then perhaps we could live happily ever after. My friends were very happy for me, but a number of them noticed that things weren't quite as good as I thought they were; I didn't listen to them. After about a month of dating I realized that there was a problem and that it wasn't on my end, and broke the relationship off. I knew about the chemical changes that were occurring in my brain back then, but it still took me so long to recognize the relationship for what it was.

That doesn't apply to all males, but I'd imagine that it does for a lot of them. I don't know exactly how it impacts the female end, but I'd guess that it might be something similar. There's an even worse aspect for females, though. That first girl I dated told me about her previous boyfriends. Apparently the relationship with one of them was a bad relationship, and she recognized that even while she was in it. However, she stayed in it for months. I asked her why she would do that - if it was so bad, and she recognized it, wasn't it better to free herself of it? She didn't want to be alone, was her response. She was willing to put up with a bad relationship just because she wanted to be in a relationship - I can only speculate as to why she wanted to be in a relationship so badly (loneliness? For the social status aspect? For any boost to self esteem that it offered?) Either way, don't let that be you. A relationship isn't always going to be rainbows and sunshine in your life, but it should ideally be that way most of the time. Under our society, that's what it's for: to contribute something positive to your life. Make sure that that's happening. There's nothing you can really do to offset the chemical alterations in your brain, but do be aware of your feelings and constantly be evaluating the relationship as best you can. Don't try to pick out the flaws, but recognize when things are bothering you and do not dismiss them as simply being problems on your end!

And all that aside, have fun and enjoy it. It certainly is a wonderful feeling to know that you're loved by someone, and to be able to express affection back to them.
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Old 2008-05-23, 00:05   Link #628
Circular Logic
土は幻に
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Join Date: Dec 2005
Quote:
As mentioned I was at a concert yesterday and I had time to notice the other musicians as well. If you don't like the kind of girls who think they are oh-so-beautiful-and-wonderful and "love" to perfom in front of as many people as possible either, don't go for a singer. A lot of them, of course not all of them, seem to be like that. The word that pops to my mind while trying to describe them is "shallow". However, I'm positive that sweet and "normal" girls who sing exist as well! It was just an observation I made.
Can I be horribly controversial and snobbish and say that that's the amateur pop singers, rather than the classical singers?
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Old 2008-05-23, 07:52   Link #629
Minna
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Join Date: Apr 2008
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Age: 24
Well, Ledgem, I agree with you again. It's actually a difficult question, also keeping in mind that we have no idea what this guy is like. Perhaps I answered a bit too quickly... Anyway, about the age difference: I agree that the younger the two persons are, the bigger the difference in their experiences, maturity, behaviour and so on will be. A lot probably happens during those years. About the father not accepting it... Well, if he for some reason knows this guy and the guy is like the ones you wrote your sister had spent some time with, I suppose it's quite understandable. On the other hand he may just be a bit over-protective. I really don't know...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Circular Logic View Post
Can I be horribly controversial and snobbish and say that that's the amateur pop singers, rather than the classical singers?
You can and you're right. I should have taken that into account and written it in my post as well.

Last edited by Minna; 2008-05-23 at 16:49.
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Old 2008-05-24, 13:59   Link #630
raikage
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Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: San Francisco
Age: 32
Quote:
Originally Posted by Minna View Post
I don't think you should stop seeing the guy if he really means something to you. Always remember that you, yourself, is the most important person to you - Or should be, at least. I don't really see any big problem about the age difference, since girls are often more mature than the guys at their own age.

I probably forgot something, but this will be it for now.
I disagree.

The first part was covered nicely, but the "girls are more mature" part always bothered me.

I never, ever believed that. (Well, physically that's true.) To me, girls think they're emotionally/mentally more mature than boys their age, but generally -- no, you are your age.

Heck, when I was in school most girls thought they were the most mature out of their group of friends. You can't each be the most mature.

Or, think of it this way:

You're 18 now. Look at people who are, say, 13-14 now.

Think about seeing 13 and 14 year olds at the mall, waiting for their parents at the library, wherever the heck it is people of that age go.

Are the girls noticeably more grown-up than the boys are?
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Old 2008-05-24, 15:22   Link #631
Minna
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Quote:
Originally Posted by raikage View Post
I disagree.

The first part was covered nicely, but the "girls are more mature" part always bothered me.

I never, ever believed that. (Well, physically that's true.) To me, girls think they're emotionally/mentally more mature than boys their age, but generally -- no, you are your age.

Heck, when I was in school most girls thought they were the most mature out of their group of friends. You can't each be the most mature.

Or, think of it this way:

You're 18 now. Look at people who are, say, 13-14 now.

Think about seeing 13 and 14 year olds at the mall, waiting for their parents at the library, wherever the heck it is people of that age go.

Are the girls noticeably more grown-up than the boys are?
Hmm, well... You do have a point there. When I posted it I was actually considering adding that it seems that the "normal" behaviour of girls is going downhill. Or perhaps it has always been that way. I suppose I just meant that girls have usually been better at handling different things (like organizing) or wanting their relationships to be serious (compared to the boys) - Whether or not they can actually be in one I don't know.

Then again, I suppose it's difficult to compare girls and boys - Maybe it shouldn't even be done. I think I'll stick by another statement then: Maturity depends on the person as an individual, seeing how different people are.

I really agree with the bolded part of the text and I think I'll have to take back some of my words. It seems that my (bad) habit of mainly noticing boys/men with a lousy and immature behaviour is still sticking a bit with me. Maybe I have been thinking of each gender's "strong and weak points" as a part of maturity as well. Perhaps it also has something to do with how many girls want to become "adults" a lot sooner than boys? At least that's the tendency I see here. Quite young girls acting as if they were my age or even older. It's a bit sad, really.

Anyway, I never meant to say that all girls were more mature than all guys at their age. Maybe I should have made that a bit more clear in the first place.
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Old 2008-05-25, 16:10   Link #632
Miko Miko
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Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: England
Age: 20
Quote:
Originally Posted by TinyRedLeaf View Post
Is this the same guy who kissed you without asking?
No.

I am finished with that guy anyway after he sort of scared me..
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Old 2008-05-25, 19:50   Link #633
4F0ur
.......
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
i just wanna add some of my thoughts

i dont think girls are more mature than boys at all...

i think its the opposite. well i know i could be wrong..but from my experience all

the girls i know think that they are mature..because they calculate a lot of things

with their head. but eventually make mistakes....in turns of relationships.

i've been helping out several girls(all are 3 or 4 years older than me) with their

relationship with guys...but they are not different at all.....

it seems like people dont really get maturer(mentally) as they're aging.

but through experiences....

This is my theory for getting girls..

bascially theres 3 types of girls...and i will separete the 3 types into 2 groups..

first group is teenager:

1st type: grown up happily with family, could be a bitch or super popular around friends watever... this type is hard, because they usually set their goals way up there. and probably would never be moved by a confession or whatever. (luckily there arent too many of this type of girls out there)

2nd type: grown up with sadness inside. could be from parents (divorce) or urge to be a model type of thing. its sad but most of the girls (even some of the hot ones) fall under this catagory. but anyways they are kind of easy.. all you have to do is...(if you really think shes worthy) be her friends, work on your styles, read some proverb books(when ppl are in trouble, most of the time it could be solved by the proverbs and girls love guys whom can bring them answers and security) and be patient.

second group is for age 20-35

well...i think all girls become easier to get as they get older.

because they need to get married some day..so when they are older, they start to open up more possibilities for guys. well to get girls at this age group.
you need money (so a stable job). you need to love her( coz girls can tell ) some nice dinning area. and romantic spots. if you have fame, vision, future, those are plus.



for all the guys who lack of smooth talking skills...you can write letter and confess..girls dont really mind it and you can make it good coz you can have all the time you want to write the letter.

and this line always worked for me.... "i want to get to know you more" coz girls usually have stuffs hiding under their mask. and the older they get the more they have... so that line works perfect.... and you dont have to write i love you,, i think thats too much.. you say im interested in you or something like that.

to all the females: im sorry i kinda grouped you girls...but to us guys we have to, coz of your hard-to-get games. =O

one more tip for all of you who are in a seret love with someone. dont think of that person too much.. or you will stumble when you saw him/her.
i find that most of the guys have hard time talking to the girl they like. its mostly because you guys think about or fantacise about the girl all day..and when you really meet the girl....you dont have a life to talk about to the girl...see you want to talk about your day..but you been thinking about her all day and thats not a topic you want to talk about...and that makes you turn red, and diffult to talk with the girl you like.

so go out and have a life...and make your mind to stop thinking about the girl...
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Old 2008-05-25, 19:55   Link #634
klowny
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Join Date: May 2007
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^^ i'm going to use your tips because the way i approach kinda makes me sound like a jerk, hoping i get something out of this

oh yeah anybody got any places good for dates because i have no clue, after all i am a kid
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Old 2008-05-25, 20:02   Link #635
4F0ur
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Originally Posted by klowny View Post
^^ i'm going to use your tips because the way i approach kinda makes me sound like a jerk, hoping i get something out of this

oh yeah anybody got any places good for dates because i have no clue, after all i am a kid
nice!
but i forgot to say that the letter thing might not work for teenager girls.

it works for the mature women more. =p
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Old 2008-05-25, 20:04   Link #636
klowny
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hey maybe they will think its sweet or something like that or would it be better if i bring a guitar and started singing?
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Old 2008-05-25, 20:26   Link #637
4F0ur
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Originally Posted by klowny View Post
hey maybe they will think its sweet or something like that or would it be better if i bring a guitar and started singing?
if your not a shy person..just have a normal conversation :O
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Old 2008-05-29, 03:47   Link #638
UltimaWolf
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: ~Bleh~
Ok, Normally I don't do this sorta thing, but this is kinda a little different.

So, I have known this girl at work for about 3 months, and about a month ago(maybe a little less)I started to get to know her alot better and we have been going to lunch everyday(and when I have been off I have came there and gone with her) and on the weekends hanging out at theatres,etc.
She'll be 21 soon, so we are both really close age-wise, but there is only one problem...She has a almost 2 year old son...and "was" engaged.
Now, I say "was" because before 2 weeks ago, he was living 100+so miles away from here while shes been living with her mom and long story short, he treats her like shit. And from talking to me(started about a month ago) I told her that she shouldn't be treated that way and she broke it off.
Now first off, I never told her to personally break it off, but just basicly told her that she shouldn't be treated that way and to talk it out,etc, and after awhile she talked to him and broke it off all on her own. and for the first two weeks after that things were great between us, she told me she never had good experiences with boyfriends before they always treated her bad, etc and that I was the first to make her feel this way, special, and that she mattered.

Now the thing is two weeks ago he came up here to live with her, she didn't want her son to be away from his 'real' dad and to give him a chance to get a job and straighten up his act.
Now thats no problem, but it seems like lately shes been more different I guess is the word to use? We still go to lunch and talk often.(except when she gets home) I don't know if its the stress, lack of sleep, or if shes just tired of me or only thinks of me as a friend?
We aren't officially dating or anything, but she did tell me(before he came) that she wanted to try things slow with me and take our time,etc. So I don't know if thats the case or not.
But also one of the problems might be on my end aswell, I'm kinda iffy about her son, I mean I kinda never planned on having one this soon, and I know this is going to sound selfish, but it kinda sucks that we can't do much together because she has to be home to take care of him or find a babysitter,etc. Which I mean I completely understand and all, and I have never complained about it to her.
But I just don't know if this will work out or not, or if I should try harder or somthing. I really do like her, and it would honestly be perfect if not for her son and her ex-fiance, but I know life isn't easy and all that.

So I'm basicly looking for advice, sorry if this is all jumbled together I kinda wrote it as it came to mind, so its probably not in the best order.
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Last edited by UltimaWolf; 2008-07-21 at 05:26.
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Old 2008-05-29, 04:18   Link #639
2H-Dragon
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Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Netherlands
Age: 28
I was about to say wut's the problem the Your 21 she's 20...., but yah I have no experience with kid related problems. Good luck though!

Well to be honest. How much do you like her? If it's just a simple liking don't bother, it's just too much trouble. Sure you can still be there as a friend. To be honest love and such is kinda overrated. You're still young more fish in the sea.

If you like her a lot like you never liked anyone before. Then yeah you should just go for it. Since it wouldn't matter what I would or anyone would say.
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Old 2008-05-29, 04:51   Link #640
kayos
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Join Date: Feb 2006
Give them time to mend their relationship... it seems she still cares for her ex-fiance by allowing him time to man up to his duties. No matter how crappy he treats her if she still love him... she loves him and that's all there is to it.

Sad to say, you're just a guy that's caught under someone else's storm. Whether you decide to wait it out or make your move, just be warned that the ex-fiance might believe you are the one that influenced the break up (expect retaliation).

My suggestion, if you really like her stay by her side but do NOT make your move until it's clear that both have decided to go their separate ways. Also depending on how much you truly feel for her, you would have to accept her son as a part of her too.
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